magnificent bastard - your sherpa. your life caddy. your sensei. your brutha.

Not sure if you should wear that Tommy Bahama shirt out tonight? The magnificent bastard is here to help. Go ahead. Ask away.

Linen. It sucks.
Top 10 Ways to Look Like a Total Toolbag
How To Determine If Your Chick Is a Dirty Girl

Tuesday

Ask the MB: Marine Watch
Q: I work for a jeweler and would like to buy my brother a watch. He will be retiring from the USMC this coming fall and will need a civilian watch. Are Tag Heuer, Tissot, or Movado MB-approved? If not, brand recommendations?
--Jennifer

A: McQueen wore a Tag Heuer, but so does Tiger Woods, and that's a dealbreaker because he's a toolbag. Tissot makes some nice watches and the price is right. Movado is far too civilian-y and fragile-looking for a guy who could probably survive for a week solely on bullets and Marlboros.

We'd suggest going with something sporty and perhaps even military-inspired. He'll always be a Marine. Take a look at Westcoastime for some very affordable options. For a little more money, you could not go wrong with an Omega Seamaster. Works for Bond. If you're interested in becoming All-Time Favorite Sister of All-Time, see what kind of discount you can get on a Panerai.
posted:
1.6.09
filed under:
- watches
- ask the MB
Ask the MB: Black Shirt With Colored Stripes
Q: Black shirts with colored stripes? Yes or no? I got one for a gift and I'm leaning toward no, but a friend of mine keeps telling me I should wear it.
--Dustin

A: Unless you play for AC Milan, this is terrible advice. Either he has no style or he's setting you up to look bad by comparison when you hit the town. Either way, time to fine a new friend.
posted:
1.6.09
filed under:
- shirts
- ask the MB
Barack Obama: Camelnot
On our extended break -- incidentally, we consumed enough Dewar's Rob Roys to kill the average bloke -- there were some very disturbing photos taken of the President-elect. (We had our suspicions back in July when he met the troops.) Sure, Barack Obama might soon be the 44th President of the United States, but the poor fella is a raging toolbag.
posted:
1.5.09
filed under:
Ask the MB: Three Piece Suit
Q: Would wearing a three-piece suit make the MB a bit too Swiss banker? Is it wrong to sport one in a light gray stripe?
--Sampson

A: Not just too Swiss banker. Too Dean Vernon Wormer. And too Greg Marmalard. He was a little shit, just like Neidermeyer. In other words, a 3-piece suit is just too "authority figure" to qualify as an MB wardrobe entry, and MBs are known to have issues with authority. They're more likely to be members of Delta Tau Chi than Omega Theta Pi, if you get our drift.
posted:
1.5.09
filed under:
- suits
- ask the MB
Ask the MB: Muted Color Palette
Q: How does the MB approach color? Not as a seasonal rule, but in general, does the MB embrace color, or shy away? I've been using color mostly in accents and smaller articles of clothing, leaving the main pieces to neutral color palettes. Is this the way to go?
--Matt

A: Matt, you've basically got it, except for the part about color in accents and smaller articles of clothing. Just look at how these MBs keep their palette simple and almost completely devoid of color.
posted:
12.19.08
filed under:
- ask the MB
Beautiful Collarbones Pictured in Isaac Mizrahi Dress
via Target. $34.99.
Ask the MB: Dressing an 18 Year-Old Woman
Q: I'm thinking it's about time to go shopping, but I haven't got a clue about what to buy. I'd like to look a little bit mature, but since I'm actually not that old (18) I want stuff that's easy to dress down or just make a little more playful. Oh, and I usually look better in things with a waist. Any suggestions?
--Eva

A: Eva, you sure about this waist thing? If so, here are three waist-friendly options, depending on you budget. From big to small:

Nanette Lepore - More difficult to dress down, but has the strong '50s vibe it sounds like you dig. A bunch of choices at shopbop.com.

J. Crew - Lots of options to make you look older than 18 here.

Target - No joke. If you're on a typical 18 year-old's budget, Isaac Mizrahi for Target fits the bill. Get it while you still can; he'll be gone soon.
posted:
12.19.08
filed under:
- ask the MB
- women
The MB-preferred shaving technique
Ask the MB: Bumpy Shave
Q: Ever since I began shaving, I've been getting razor bumps in the neck region. I've tried shaving with a five blade electric razor after taking a hot shower, shaving with the direction of the hair, and only shaving once every three days. However none of these methods seem to alleviate the problem. I don't want to do laser hair removal. What do you suggest?
--Brock

A: Sorry Brock, we cannot help you. The morning shave leaves our faces as smooth as Barbie's ass.

But we can't just leave you in a bumpy-necked lurch. For assistance we've turned to Michael Gilman, co-founder of men's grooming site Grooming Lounge for some answers:

First, an irritation-free shave is all about preparation. Shaving right after a shower is important, but only half the battle. In addition to shaving a warm beard, he should also prepare the beard using a shave oil and shave cream combination. The oil will help his whiskers stand at attention and the cream will work in tandem with the oil to soften skin and the whiskers. The result is less razor drag and irritation.

Secondly, for guys with sensitive skin, 5 blades is just too much. It's the equivalent of taking three or four extra passes with the razor. For sensitive skin that’s too vigorous. We suggest a triple bladed razor and that's what we use in-house.

Another tip is to really make sure he's shaving with the direction of hair growth and not just "down." For a lot of men, hair grows side to side or diagonally and it's important to follow this path to reduce irritation. Of course, no slicing and only going against the grain for areas that really need it and only doing so once.

Finally, in addition to a soothing, non-alcohol based aftershave, there's a miracle product that really helps guys with chronic razor burn. It's called Barc Bump Down, and God knows how it works, but applying some post-shave really reduces razor burn and bumps. I've used it myself to ward of irritation and its slight sting is well worth it.
posted:
12.18.08
filed under:
Vintage bootcut-fit jean in dark worn wash
via J. Crew. $96.00.
Ask the MB: Dad Jeans
Q: My boyfriend loves your site and I enjoy it too so I told my dad to check it out because he takes pride in his appearance and has a sense of humor...well when he looked up what kind of jeans he should wear you told him diapers. Not cool!
--Carrie

A: Not just any ol' diapers, Carrie! Depends®! Of course 60 year-olds can wear denim. Just have your pop avoid anything with a design on the back pocket, in a weird wash, or too high or low-rise. For easy and affordable, J. Crew or Banana will work. If he's feeling up to it, have him take a look at our favorite: AG. Finally, get your old man's sense of humor in for a tune-up.
posted:
12.17.08
filed under:
Minneapolis News Team Now Onto Untucked Sport Shirts
About a year ago the crew from KARE 11 Minneapolis was in the v-neck sweater with white t-shirt look. Now they've moved onto more unsightlyness: hamming it up in untucked sport shirts.
posted:
12.17.08
filed under:
- faux pas
- shirts
Ask the MB: Jean Shorts
Q: What the hell can I wear with jean shorts?! I just recently donated a bunch of my clothes and noticed I have tons of jean shorts. I can't think up anything that can go with them. Should I have donated them too? Help!
--Aaron

A: Florida Gator quarterback and massive toolbag Tim Tebow wears jean shorts. (Looks as though MBs can safely rule out Birkenstocks as well. But you knew that.) If that doesn't answer your question, visit jean short photo site jorts.com and let us know if you find one guy even approximating Magnificent Bastard-dom. Aaron, this is best left to the opposite sex, specifically Daisy Duke or women with DD-quality buns.
posted:
12.16.08
filed under:
- shorts
- ask the MB
UGG Men's Rockville
via uggaustralia.com. $200.00.
Ask the MB: Ugg Boots for Men Part 2
Q: I generally agree that they are a terrible curse on humanity but these are quite MB in my opinion. They first caught my eye in a recent ad in GQ.
--Matt

A: Egads man. These ain't MB. They look like the result of a company with a history of making soft, cheap, sheepskin boots that decides to make something "badass." If you're wanting that buckle look in the same price range, try something from Frye, the oldest continuously operated shoe company in America (1863).
posted:
12.12.08
filed under:
Ask the MB: Last Call Cocktail
Q: First, thanks for clarifying the difference between a decent cocktail and a great one. It's changed the way I drink.

But I wanted to know what should be ordered when drinking isn't an option. I don't mean the basics. I'm assuming the coffee is always black, the water is never branded, and the drink, given the choice, is never bottled. What I mean is that time where you want to stay a few extra minutes at the bar, but another would put you over the limit. What do you ask for?
--John (from the UK)

A: Generally, what we'd ask for is the check, but it sounds like you're looking for advice on how to keep sipping on something when you might have a good reason to hang around for a few more minutes at the bar.

Did she have a nice pair of cans?

The simple choice is tonic water with a twist. Usually, though, this might mean sucking down something that just recently saw the inside of a hose. We're not cattle! Being from the UK, you should be able to find the best choice in tonic: Fever-Tree. For those in the states, Q Tonic is becoming more widely available. And yes, we strongly suggest demanding one of these premium tonics the next time your bartender mixes up a gin and tonic.

But why go cold turkey? The goal is to keep your blood-alcohol level down, not put your kidneys into shock. Try something tasteful with far less alcohol than the your usual, three-shot Rob Roy. That's where one of our favorites, the Americano, comes in. Order this heavy on the soda and you'll have an enjoyable, not overly boozy option when slowly winding down your evening.

Classic Americano
3 parts Campari
3 parts sweet vermouth (Noilly Pratt)
splash of soda water
dash of orange bitters

Give a quick shake, pour over ice in a Collins glass, garnish with an orange peel.

MB "Last Call" Americano
1 part Campari
1 part sweet vermouth (Noilly Pratt)
3 parts soda water
dash of orange bitters

Pour all ingredients over ice, stir briskly, garnish with an orange peel.
posted:
12.12.08
filed under:
- ask the MB
- cocktails
Ask the MB: Suit Buttons and Vents
Q: Suits: are we still in 2-button, double-vent mode, or is there something new on the horizon? It is time to update the old wardrobe? Can I still wear my old 4 button models or are those too far gone?
--Allen

A: The 2-button, double-vent mode is still a great choice. Heck, even an alien like Klaatu (Keanu Reeves) from The Day the Earth Stood Still knows it. (If you look closely you can pick out the double vents.)

Regarding the 4-button versions in your possession, we're going to invoke the well-known Charles Barkley rule and request that they remain in your closet.
posted:
12.11.08
filed under:
Ask the MB: That Little Button on Dress Shirts
Q: OK, when wearing cufflinks, if your shirt has a button placket just north of the cuff, do you use the button or leave it undone? I vote "use the button," but I see some seemingly very MB-esque people forgoing it. Please shed some Magnificent light on the subject.
--Tim

A: Button? What button? We don't think we've ever used that button on either a button cuff or single/French cuff shirt. Those people you're seeing are MB-esque for a reason: they're MBs.
posted:
12.11.08
filed under:
Artist Illustration Depicts Rod Blagojevich as Hirsute Toolbag
Top: Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich looks like a victim of stupidity, hubris, and a black mock turtleneck. And the artist has hair-part dyslexia, putting the zipper on the wrong side.

Bottom: Black on black on black on black: zero to Guido in 3.1 seconds flat.
posted:
12.10.08
filed under:
- misc
- mock turtleneck
Men's Classic Short
via uggaustralia.com. $130.00.
Ask the MB: Ugg Boots for Men
Q: My wife just surprised me with a pair of men's Uggs (dark brown short boots) for my birthday. What should I do? I love my wife (she is sitting next to me).
--Stephen

A: Remember that wedding vow stuff? "For better or for worse"? Surely there was never any mention about Ugg boots for men, so read on.

These have been outgoing on women for well over a year and are a style trainwreck for men. It's great that you love your wife, Stephen. Sounds like you have a healthy, strong marriage, and even sit closely while emailing. Ask her for the receipt, give her a peck on the cheek, and then make your way to the mall for a return.
posted:
12.10.08
filed under:
Kielh's 'Ultimate Man' Collection
via Saks Fifth Avenue. $55.00.
Ask the MB: Crocs as Gift?!
Q: My boyfriend recently discovered your site and now it's his dogma. The problem: I was going to get him Crocs for his birthday next month, thinking he would like a comfortable, lazy-day alternative to real shoes like I do, but now he's all against them because of you. So what should I get a newly minted MB-wannabe for his b-day? It doesn't have to be shoes, but it has to be cheap. Like probably any clothing recommendations you would make would be too much for me.
--Breda

A: How about a pair of Uggs? Kidding!

Clothing or footwear is such a dicey proposition in the first place. In the Crocs price range we recommend the Kiehl's "Ultimate Man" Collection. It's 55 bucks and he'll smell nice, be clean, have soft hands, and kiss-worthy lips. In fact, this gift is more for you than it is him, and those are always the best kind.
posted:
12.10.08
filed under:
Ask the MB: Winter Martini
Q: Love your site and you are right on with the boot and tucked in pants deal. My question is about where a gin martini fits in your MB seasonal drink chart. Winter is bourbon and scotch season certainly, but an icy martini does have its place too as the weather gets cold and dark in my opinion. Your thoughts?
--Bradley

A: Regular readers of our site know that the Rob Roy is the MB's year-round drink of choice, but a gin martini is certainly more than acceptable alternative when you need a break from a seasonal overabundance of the brown liquors.

The MB version of the classic martini has a bastardly nod toward the classic origins of the cocktail (dash of orange bitters) but also a magnificent nod to getting the taste right above all else (appropriate amount of vermouth, because the flavor complexity is required, and a slight shaking, because the dilution with water brings out a better aroma and flavor). The modern obsession with an overly dry martini shows little knowledge of what the cocktail needs to deliver. (Sorry Mr. Churchill.)

Going Bradford (i.e. giving it a shake), is where the MB wants to be, though he appreciates the stance of the purists who advocate only stirring. Also, the Gibson version (with a cocktail onion garnish) isn't frowned upon.

MB Gin Martini
4 parts gin (Plymouth or Boodles)
1 part dry vermouth (Noilly Pratt)
dash of Regans' orange bitters

Give the gin, vermouth, and bitters a quick shake. Serve up with a lemon twist.
posted:
12.9.08
filed under:
- ask the MB
- cocktails
Age-Inappropriate Facial Hair
Typically a man becomes more MB with age, as he learns from earlier mistakes and takes on the patina of someone who's endured polar fleece and Dockers. An obvious exception to this rule is Kevin Costner, seen in the most recent issue of People sporting a soul patch.
posted:
12.9.08
filed under:
MB Endorses: Mountain and Sackett Cashmere Ties
About a year ago we unearthed Mountain and Sackett ties and have been enjoying a couple of their wool units ever since. This season, owner Bill Mountain has upped the ante with his cashmere ties. They're handmade in New York since 1957 and feel great, to both sexes.

Pictured: Cashmere plaid tie in box brown.
posted:
12.4.08
filed under:
She's looking mad, even while clothed in Theory cashmere. Nice.
Ask the MB: Age-Inappropriate Girlfriend
Q: As an aspiring MB in my early 20s, it's troubling my otherwise attractive and eloquent girlfriend almost exclusively sticks to clothing with style that would better suit a tween at a "Twilight" premiere. Any suggestions on how to ween her away from the kiddie clothes and towards a more age-appropriate look without inciting rage?
--Sean

A: We love it when an attractive, eloquent, early 20-something women gets mad.

Our guess is she's still shopping in juniors with the other Twi-hards. She needs to shift to contemporary, which unfortunately for you is a bigger budget commitment, but better quality and fewer tacky midriff-baring tops. Try a gift certificate from BCBG, Club Monaco, or French Connection. If her pockets (and yours) are a little deeper just go straight to Theory and be done with it.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.
posted:
12.4.08
filed under:
Ask the MB: Purple Shirts and Shoes
Q: My boyfriend keeps asking me what color shoes to wear with various colored shirts. I honestly never have a clue. I know what works for women, but not for men. Is there some sort rule? For instance, what color shoes/belt would you wear with a purple shirt?
--Jessica

A: This might be an issue for women because their color palette is enhanced, especially for shoes. How many guys own a pair of pink heels? To answer your question, it really doesn't matter. He can confidently wear that TCU long-sleeve shirt with either black or brown. Just not white New Balance, please. Go Frogs!
posted:
12.3.08
filed under:
- ask the MB
- shoes
Ask the MB: Magnificent Bitch?
Q: i love your site, and have used it as leverage to convince my fiance that certain fashion choices are good (and bad - i talked him out of a pair of oakleys because of you guys!). i just wish there was an equivalent for women that was so straightforward! any suggestions? or do you know equally fashion-forward girls you could convince to start their own site? women need fashion help too!
--Stephanie

A: We've heard something about go fug yourself and we recall some lady friends talking about DailyCandy.

Frankly Stephanie, we think we're pretty good at dispensing advice to women as well, so if you or any other readers of the fairer sex have a question, we will gladly take a crack at it.
posted:
12.3.08
filed under:
- ask the MB
Ask the MB: Burberry Cashmere Stretch Sweater
Q: I ordered a Burberry stretch cashmere sweater that looks a little too tight. It is size medium and I want to wear an MB collared white shirt under. If I pull it down so that it doesn't leave slack then it becomes tight and long. If I go to a size small it would be way too tight and be too close to the waist. If I go large then it might have too much extra slack. I can't win. Is it better to have clothing that is a little too tight or too loose.
--Dennis

A: You think we do all those grueling lunges, dead lifts, and bench presses so we can hide the results underneath a baggy Burberry cashmere sweater? No sir. This is pretty simple. If you don't have any unsightly bulges then go with a little too tight vs. too loose.

Additionally, about your size dilemma: You can shape a cashmere sweater (even with a little elastane) to be about whatever size and proportion you want with some careful washing, stretching, blocking, and drying.
posted:
12.3.08
filed under:
- burberry
- ask the MB
Of course you'll wear yours with a collared shirt
Ask the MB: Christmas Suit
Q: I am planning on pooling some X-mas money together to purchase a suit (the purchase would double this MB-in-training's collection). I am looking for something that says I'm ready for the position/adventure. I've asked for gift certificates to Banana Republic from a couple people, so if you had a few suggestions, maybe you could start there.
--Matt

A: Matt, for a fella who's just starting out you could do a lot worse than a Banana Republic suit. Just make sure it's a two-button version, and nothing too trendy like the 3 external jacket pockets they're showing on some of their Monogram line.

One other place you should explore before making a decision is yoox.com. They have better, more unique suits than BR for equivalent prices. Even the least expensive Banana pant-jacket combo is going to run you $475. For an additional $100 you could get into this Costume National suit (originally $1000) that would announce very clearly you're ready for the adventure, and set you apart from the competition.
posted:
12.2.08
filed under:
Ask the MB: Blackberry Storm
Q: Do you hate the Blackberry Storm like I do?
--Deborah

A: Well if you've been here for a while you know our stance on the iPhone, so you can probably guess what we think of an iPhone impersonator from the maker of the ultimate toolbag communication device. The "Storm" feels like a middle-aged dad trying to be "cool" and "hip" like his high school son/daughter, but ends up only embarassing the hell out of everyone.

Overheard at the office:

"Says here 'Upload to flickr.' What the fuck is flickr?"
posted:
12.1.08
filed under:
- ask the MB
- accessories
Ask the MB: Will Smith Hoodie
Q: What kind of hoodie is Will Smith wearing in Hancock and where do you get one?
--Ric

A: The actual hoodie worn by Smith in the scene pictured is now for sale on eBay (auction ends Wednesday). It's a grey Russell Athletic you can get just about anywhere. As for the two-tone version he's wearing on the beach (inset), we're doing some digging.
posted:
12.1.08
filed under:
Anthony Michael Hall as Jim. Nice acid wash!
Ask the MB: Mock Turtleneck to High School Reunion?
Q: I have a black mock turtleneck I want to wear under a dark gray /green suit. People says it looks nice but I want to be sure... The other option is a white shirt/no tie... It is for a HS reunion....The black turtleneck is slimming which draws me to it as well.
--Jeff

A: Jeff, we sense you're a new MB reader so we'll go easy on you. Are you out of your fucking mind? Ignore the "people" and wear the white shirt for chrissakes. Leave the mock turtlenecks for especially toolbaggy characters from classic Tim Burton fables. Also consider dressing down at least one notch and hopefully two. We're talking high school reunion here, not a job interview.
posted:
12.1.08
filed under:
Ask the MB: Definitive Shawl Collar
Q: Ok shawl collar? Any comments? Steve McQueen sure did and I don't think I've ever seen a better one than on Daniel Craig in Quantum. Misguided or magnificent?
--Ron

A: Ron, your question kinda leads you to the answer, don'tcha think? We've weighed in on McQueen's shawl collar sweater before. A couple of times. While we'd prefer Dan Craig had a woven under his Tom Ford version, we agree with your analysis.
posted:
11.26.08
filed under:
- ask the MB
- sweaters
Ask the MB: 007 a Humorless Dick
Q: Couldn't help but notice that in Quantum of Solace, 007 has apparently lost the traditional Bond sense of humor. Is being a humorless dick the new charming?
--Jude

A: If there is one thing we've learned from Season 2 of The Pickup Artist (and Season 1 also!), it's the importance of throwing negs to open sets. Unfortunately the part "New Bond" is missing is the cheeky follow-up, which invariably leads to pairs of other cheeks.

Ask any broad, dame, or lass: besides a well-endowed trust fund, there ain't no feature better than a sense of humor.
posted:
11.26.08
filed under:
- ask the MB