Once Google Glass hit the streets, we knew it was only a matter of time before monocles experienced a resurgence. It's Newton's Third Law of Fashion: For every action, there's an equal and opposite reaction.
So when some people start wearing computers on their faces, others will move in the opposite direction, donning crippled glasses. Inevitably, the monocle is having a moment. According to the New York Times, the one-lensed eyepiece is a certified "mini-trend."
Is this particular fashion moment one you should take part in? On the one hand, the monocle is archaic, Anglophilic, and even when providing vision correction, characterized by a senseless lack of utility. On the other hand, it's an extreme affectation, a facial prop for men who don't think bow ties are fussy enough.
To help clarify where we ultimately come down on the issue, we've created a new decider.
We want to get a special gift for my son's 21st birthday. We are thinking a leather messenger bag. Recommendations? —Erik
First, pour you and your son a couple of MBs. Then, sit down and have an important conversation about the virtues of forbearance. Why are you having this conversation now? Because we're about to recommend a bag that is currently out of stock.
It's from Billykirk, and it's called the No. 236 Schoolboy Satchel. We specifically like this version in Brown Dublin leather from Horween. Which unfortunately sold out very quickly and is now out of stock.
We think the name is a bit of misnomer. These days, schoolboys tend to carry Cordura backpacks, or if they're on the path to MB-dom, maybe waxed canvas. All-leather bags, on the other hand, are generally a hallmark of adulthood. And not just adulthood. To our eye, most all-leather briefcases read as "middle-aged banker."
That's why we like the No. 236 so much. It projects substantially more maturity and sense of purpose than a backpack does. But it still has an obvious sense of play about it. And it's not too big, so it's impossible to weigh yourself down with this bag. Finally, the No. 236 in Brown Dublin has an especially artfully disheveled look to it, which we obviously appreciate. All of these factors make it perfect for a 21-year-old, and worth the wait until it's available again.
That might be a while — we have asked Billykirk if there is a target restock date and will update this post if we hear anything. But the No. 236 in Brown Dublin has a timeless style. Indeed, in 30 years or so, we suspect it will be something your son will be able to hand down to his own 21-year-old. So we encourage you to encourage him to take the long view. And in the meantime, pour yourselves another MB. The days, months, and years go fast.
UPDATE: We've received a reply from Billykirk: "We may be releasing a few more of the Dublin in the coming weeks, but we are currently working with a new leather for the Spring season. These should release online towards the end of March."
Based on this news, our advice remains largely the same: Wait. More specifically, sign up for the Notify Me When Available option on the Brown Dublin page, then wait. If the new Spring season version appears before the Brown Dublin does, who knows? Maybe it will also be a viable option.
If you and/or your son absolutely can't wait — and simultaneously have truly long-term patience, J. Crew is selling a version of the No. 236. It lacks the overt artful dishevelment and rich character of the Brown Dublin version — but it is available immediately. And a decade or so of hard use will undoubtedly improve its richness and resonance.
Welcome to the 4rd Kind-of-Annual Allyn Scura Eyewear Challenge, sponsored by our all-time favorite eyewear and sunglass outfitter, Allyn Scura.
THE CHALLENGE: Identify the nine bespectacled or sunglassified MBs above and you will be entered to win a pair of Allyn Scura frames ($175 value) or a $125 credit you can apply toward any vintage frames Allyn Scura carries. It's up to you.
To enter simply fill out the form below with the names of the men pictured, and, in the unlikely event of a tie, what they all have in common. One entry per person. USA only. Good luck. The deadline for this contest is Monday, March 31 at midnight CDT.
We freely admit our knowledge of global affairs is limited. But Ukraine has us especially baffled. Based on this photo of Acting President Oleksandr Turchynov, Ukraine's Parliament appears to have a two-drink minimum. But no dress code?
As longtime champions of business casual, we love that tall tumbler of what we're interpreting as bourbon on the new Acting President's desk. But isn't there some provision in the Geneva Convention that says that when you're the leader of an entire country, you have to wear a tie to work?
Obviously, Mr Turchynov has a lot of things on his plate right now, and shopping for ties is not one of them. Which is why we're reaching out, in a gesture of global goodwill, and sending him a complimentary wool tie.
As the photos above document, a Leotardo is now on its way to Kiev.
Q: Hey MB! I'm going to buy your Buscemi tie tomorrow and wanted some simple advice. I was going to buy a shirt from Deo Veritas but was unsure what would go with that specific tie? I've been a longtime fan and always practice MB principles.
Thank you in advance,
A: Much more so than ourotherties, the Buscemi is a statement piece. Given the principle that the number of statement pieces per outfit should always be less-than or equal-to 1, the rest of your look should be quiet, a canvas on which the Buscemi's off-kilter charisma can shine.
In other words, we recommend it on a solid. But not just any solid. You want a distinctive play on texture here, pitting the yin of the tie's nubs against the yang of smooth, tightly-woven shirting. This leads us directly to the Thomas Mason broadcloths in white, baby blue, or light pink.
Be sure to opt for the sewn collar and mother of pearl buttons. It will add up to a fairly hefty $139, but it's 25% off through Feb. 28.
And take note re: the Buscemi. While we're having reinforcements made, there are just a few left from our initial production run. If you want to avoid delays, order it sooner rather than later.
Like flu doctors at the Center for Disease Control, we have been grimly monitoring worldwide onesie activity for the past year, noting national baselines, tracking geographic spreads, and conducting constant lab work to test for resistance, etc. (No animals are harmed during these experiments.)
In the past, only infants and very old people in assisted-living facilities succumbed to onesies, but a new and extremely virulent strain has surfaced in recent years. So far, outbreaks have mostly been limited to furries, Norwegians, and the occasional celebrity, but field reports from Sochi last week have us worried. Commenting in the New York Times, Olympic bobsledder Cory Butner warned, "I guarantee this is going to catch on in the States. In three months, they'll be all over the States."
As the Times story graphically documents, even Olympic-caliber athletes in prime health are starting to adopt this deadly Norwegian fashion trend and deliberately making themselves look like frumpy Teletubbies.
Our research reveals to us that the best way to inoculate yourself from the coming epidemic is to simply wear a belt. Perform this one basic task of human adult grooming every day, and your body will generate enough antibodies to naturally resist the onesies virus.
Q: Dear MB: Although the site would appear to be geared to a different age scale; a few style pointers for those of us in our late 60's would be helpful as well. We too buy and care how we look.
Love your positioning on multiple levels. —RJ
A: The core MB principles you've read about here — artful dishevelment, organic materials, and understatement to name a few — will serve you as well in your twilight years as they do in the glory of your youth. Stick to them unwaveringly.
With age comes wisdom, and yet perhaps the most common mistake we see from men of a certain age involves their craniums.
If you've got hair issues, accept it gracefully. Paul McCartney is hitting the juice so hard these days, Ringo is finally the best-looking Beatle. That stuff on Gene Simmons' head looks durable, stain-proof, and capable of handling heavy foot traffic, but it doesn't look like hair.
As our archives can tell you, we don't necessarily think bow ties should be illegal or even heavily regulated. But we do think you should wear them only in certain situations, namely summer weddings and black tie.
That said, we love this beaver fur bow tie from Vanities. In general, bow ties aim to convey the wearer's unique sense of style in a playful, unexpected, and attention-getting way, usually by using bright colors and/or vivid patterns. This fur bow tie, however, is simultaneously over-the-top and engagingly understated.
Also, as we have counseled in the past, artful dishevelment is a must when it comes to bow ties. And this one has the artful dishevelment built right in.
Even on sale at Barney's Warehouse, it's a little pricey. But don't think of it as a $169 bow tie. Think of it as the only bow tie in the world that can credibly double as a luxury shaving brush.
Q: Page 60 of Paul Fussell's book Class, last paragraph 3rd line down states "the two-button suit is more prole than the three-button Eastern-establishment model."
Just wondering if I shouldn't listen to this part of the Bible due to your stance on the three-button suits, at least for the average size man. And keep wearing the two-button.
P.S. Rest in Peace Fussell. He was a God among not just men, but gentlemen. —Jack
A: Last week, researchers in Tel Aviv determined that camels didn't exist in Israel until centuries after Abraham, Jacob, and Joseph lived — yet the Bible mentions camels more than 20 times.
The Bible Bible, that is. Not Class. But sometimes Fussell can be fallible too. Two-button suits elongate the torso, and elongated torsos have long been the grail of the American overclass. Which is why yoga studios per capita tracks so precisely with income per capita in the U.S. (We are totally making this up but are certain it is true.)
An elongated torso helps accentuate the natural V of a man's body, and as Tom Ford has suggested in the past, emphasizing that natural V is the key to a magnificent presence.
To see this principle in action, consider the classic portrait of John F. Kennedy and Richard Nixon above. JFK looks vital and commanding, the King of Camelot. Nixon looks stout, shifty, Nixonian.
So while our admiration for Fussell remains as strong as ever, our thoughts on two-button versus three-button are as fixed as the word of God on a stone tablet. Leave the three-buttons to Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Todd Palin, and Tricky Dick.
Q: Hi. You listed some of the American Hustle actors and the sunglasses they wore. Please, if you are able, add the make, model and size of Robert De Niro's glasses to the list. They are fantastic! —William
A: Robert De Niro is wearing Ray Ban Wayfarers in American Hustle. You may have blanked on IDing this iconic frame because:
a. They're not immediately recognizable when used as eyeglasses, somewhat similar to how Christian Bale was as a fat, bald guy, and
b. Since Luxottica purchased Ray-Ban from Bausch & Lomb in 1999, they junked them up with logos on both temples and the right lens, as shown in the middle image above. This frame is the eyewear equivalent of a NASCAR vehicle.
The vintage models, like De Niro's and Tom Cruise's in Risky Business are clean. Get these. And don't hesitate to use them as eyeglasses. The only clear eyewear role reversal failure we've seen is GQ Style Editor Jim Moore putting clear lenses in a wire aviator.
If there's one hard and fast rule that defines the menswear industry, it's this: What starts on the streets of Pulaski eventually trickles up to the runways of Manhattan. And so it was at New York Fashion Week this year — where we spotted a Michael Bastian tie (and blazer) that is not-quite the identical twin of our beloved Buscemi, but certainly a brother from the same mother. Same pattern, same nubbiness, from the same mill in Biella, Italy. The colorway we chose has a bit more blue, which gives it that playfulness that makes it work on boardwalks as well as boardrooms.
Also, our model is better looking.
In any case, if it was ever in any doubt, it is now confirmed: Michael Bastian has great taste in ties. And he seems to have fallen in love with this particular fabric — using it for a bow tie as well as the aforementioned tie and blazer.
But if you don't want to wait until Fall 2014 to get his tie, you can get the Fall 2013 Buscemi now.
And because we know Mr. Bastian has had trouble affording his own clothes in the past, we've decided to make it easy for him — and anyone else — to pick one up. Starting now, the Buscemi, the Leotardo (whose fabric comes from the same Italian mill as the Buscemi), the Kakutani, and the Buckley, are all on sale, for just $45 each. Yes, with free shipping included, this almost qualifies as a humanitarian gesture. But what can we say? We're artists, not businessmen.
A: We've been publishing for nearly 7 years, with over 1500 posts and dozens of features, and we've made a single passing reference to selvedge denim.
So you could say we've been indifferent.
Selvedge denim does score high on the MB principles of exclusivity and archaism — it's made on looms invented in the 18th century — yet we cannot abide or recommend wearing pants that get washed less frequently than the cast of Duck Dynasty.
If you're debating on whether to get into selvedge denim now, from our viewpoint it looks to be on the wrong side of the trend curve. In the October 2013 GQstyle godfather Glenn O'Brien says, "What I think is changing is ... fanaticism for unwashed indigo." And the February 2014 Details (the one with Aaron Paul on the cover, p. 61) takes it further, arguing, "Trust us. Ultra light-wash denim is making a comeback."
We won't go that far. But we do think that rolled cuffs that expose the selvedges will eventually achieve the same cultural status as popped collars or side-swept hair. And we think that's going to happen sooner rather than later.
It is time to announce the winners of our contest. There are two, and they are each getting a made-to-measure shirt from our favorite online custom shirtmaker, Deo Veritas, because they a.) correctly answered all the questions on our our quiz and b.) were lucky enough to have their entry number chosen by the random number generator at random.org.
Congratulations, Paul Loya and Patrick Duffin! May we suggest something in purple gingham?
Deo Veritas owner Vinnie Sikka will be in touch with details, and if you feel like tweeting your good fortune to the world, we will not object! (And if you want to keep it all to yourself, that's fine too.).
Meanwhile, if your name is neither Paul Loya nor Patrick Duffin, do not despair. Starting on March 1 we're doing our 4th-annual (if you don't count 2013) Allyn Scura Eyewear Challenge, where you ID famous people wearing glasses and the winner picks up a free pair of Allyn Scura frames. For April we're working on something with our new favorite shoemaker, Hydrogen-1.
Finally, we'd like to give a shout-out to the surprisingly large number of you who guessed that gin is the secret ingredient in our Buckley tie. Our tie manufacturer tells us it's impossible to create a tie with an ABV of 5% or higher, but given your seeming desire for such a product, we're asking him to experiment harder. For the record, here is the Deo Veritas Quiz with the correct answers in bold:
1. What is the secret ingredient that gives our Buckley ties their rakish confidence?
b. First-rate Ivy League education c. White wooly fibers that resemble Gandalf's beard
2. What was Joseph Kandell’s job description at his previous gig?
a. Communications officer b. Consumer-facing legacy accessories specialist
c. Book publishing editorial assistant
d. User experience designer
3. How many cuff styles does Deo Veritas offer? a. 8
4. Which material is not used in the construction of our Pretty Nice Rack?
a. Solid white oak
b. Oil-impregnated bronze
c. Eight-point buck antlers d. Medical-grade silicone
5. Do you have to have health insurance to purchase a Buscemi?
c. It depends on whether Obamacare is repealed or not. d. Strictly speaking, no. But it couldn’t hurt.
Photojournalism's most prized quarry? It used to be the rare and elusive snow leopard. In the last few years, however, a new grail emerged: An image of Miley Cyrus with her tongue fully concealed. And, at last, W magazine has managed to do it — not just once, but at least four times! We suspect camera traps were involved, but heartily applaud their tenaciousness and ingenuity just the same.
One hundred years ago this month, Henry Ford shocked the business world with his decision to pay his workers $5 an hour and limit their work day to eight hours. At the time, nine-hour days were standard and the average wage was just $2.40 per hour.
But Ford was radically automating his operation, which (a) made the work far more tedious and (b) greatly increased the number of cars he could produce, which in turn meant he also needed to figure out some way to manufacture more buyers. His solution was the $5 per hour wage. It made a boring assembly line job tolerable and also turned Ford employees into potential Ford customers. (The Model T cost $440 at the time.)
What does this have to do with Michael Bastian? In a 2009 NYT piece, Bastian exclaimed, "I can't even afford my own clothes." Two years later, Esquirereported that "Bastian found that he often couldn't afford to buy his own clothes."
In this month's Details, however, we see evidence that maybe the economic outlook really is improving, and not just for Chinese robots. Here's Bastian on what he looks for in gym shorts: "I have a hard time finding gym shorts that aren't too long or baggy or over logo-ed, so I really like the fleece ones we make in our own line."
How this news failed to make it into President Obama's State of the Union address we can't explain. But once again, America is a place where designers can afford to buy their own clothes! In our own bid to make 2014 a "year of action," we are following Bastian's lead, giving ourselves raises, and buying ourselves cashmerebelts.
Q: Hey MB: I'm looking for the spectacles Marcello Mastroianni is wearing in the movie 8 ½. Can't find them anywhere, neither the name of the brand. Any clue? Or any look-alikes? Thx in advance.
A: Trying to identify the eyeglasses Marcello Mastroianni wore in 8 ½ is as challenging and inconclusive as the movie itself. The eyewear fetishists at styleforum have been trying to answer this question since 2008 and not only couldn't come to a satisfactory conclusion, they couldn't find a suitable substitute.
And what's with that? At a time when scientists are routinely cloning sheep and exploring the possibilities of bringing back the Pyrenean ibex, you'd think it'd be easy enough to resurrect a pair of extinct glasses, especially when the market is demanding it.
But we digress. Our best guess — with the help of Allyn Scura — is that MM's glasses are a Safilo frame from the early '60s. AS sometimes has it in stock, but unfortunately now is not one of those times. The closest they have at the moment is this French frame from the same era. Contact them if you're interested. And if we get more definitive info on this 50 year-old mystery, we'll post it here.
This black tattoo toweling cap is one size fits all — if you're a Talosian. (Yes, we're really into original Trek.) It takes real talent to game-face from multiple angles while wearing a terry-cloth polo hat fit for a macrocephalic alien. Hats off to you, male model!
Q: At a cocktail party last night, an acquaintance pointed out that the lacing on my trusty oxfords was mismatched: the right shoe, straight bar (courtesy of the shoe shop) and the left, crisscross (courtesy of me). Before I correct this four-years-old case of absentmindedness, I thought I should consult MB. What is your recommendation for lacing methods, lace type and end length? (And just what is your thought on the bi-color lacing I see in the magazines?) —Brian
There is a thin line between senseless lack of utility and trying too hard, and it can be found at Ian's Shoelace Site. While we admire attention to detail in unexpected places as much as anyone, we also have a thing for simplicity. Nine out of ten times we do Criss Cross or Display Shoe. With a dressier shoe we'll sometimes mix in Straight Bar, which requires a bit more effort for its streamlined effect but isn't so complicated that we suddenly feel like we're crocheting instead of getting dressed.
Specific lace types depend on the shoe, of course. We like natural laces (cotton, rawhide) over synthetic options, and stay away from any lace that's fat enough to qualify as a skinny tie.
Regarding end length, Professor Shoelace's obsession is instructive here. As his illustration suggests, a 10-inch end length leaves with you a fairly neat bow, and a 12-inch end length crosses into droopiness. For maximum artful dishevelment, we aim for 11 inches.
As for bi-color lacing, we classify that the same way we do dressing up for Halloween: Best left to children and chain-restaurant waitstaff.
Q: A bit of MB guidance would be much appreciated, please. Before we begin, I must let you know that I neither create nor dictate my husband's appearance in any way. You see, he is quite the Magnificent Bastard already; however, some clarity is needed in the grooming department. He currently has a full beard and is growing out his wavy locks indefinitely. For years, my husband's hair was quite short and very sexy. The beard is also fairly new, but not in question. How (if at all) can he grow his hair out and maintain a professional appearance? I should mention that his hair is thinning due to male-pattern baldness. I have always said that this isn't a problem at all and when embraced, is confidently attractive. While George Carlin is fucking hilarious and his legend lives on, I don't want to sleep next to his ponytail. —The Wife
Unless your husband is a religious prophet, a wizard, or a homeless guy, we don't think growing out his beard and what's left of his hair is likely to enhance his professionalism.
What kind of sunglasses is Bradley Cooper wearing in American Hustle? —Alex
A: With the help of our friends at Allyn Scura, who did the eyewear for everyone in the movie except for Bradley Cooper, we were able to learn from the costume designer that they are a vintage frame stamped "Girard made in France" and "3700."
Unfortunately they're harder to find than perm rods.
When we started writing this reply there was a pair available at vintagedesignersunglasses.com, but the site's gone dark. The cached version says these are "equally suited for boardwalk wanderings and impromptu parties." We say "boardwark parties," too.
As for the rest of the cast, they are wearing far more accessible eyewear:
Q: Hey Guys - long time devotee, glad to see you back. I'm getting married and am shopping for suits. I'm decking my groomsmen out in charcoal Indochinos (God knows what those assholes would show up in otherwise), but would like something a step up for myself.
I'm looking for a medium grey Glen Plaid two button, dual vent but having a hard time finding a nice one. I like the current J. Crew Ludlow, even if the lapels are a bit thin. It has a very nice fabric (same mill as your Buckley tie), but for some reason they refuse to sell it with an inseam for the taller gentleman. I'm 6'4" and typically wear a 36x35", not to mention it looks like their pants tend to run on the short side to begin with.
I'm very open to getting something MTM, but I'd like to keep the price somewhat reasonable, say $1500? I sincerely appreciate any advice! —Jim
A: We admire a man who eschews a traditional wedding day costume in favor of something he'd wear to dinner. This epitomizes the core principle of understatement.
Neighbor: "Working on a Saturday, Jim?" Jim: "Nope. Getting married."
As for the suit, given your size, it will be as difficult finding anything OTR that fits as it was finding your soulmate. Or the person within your geographic and socioeconomic circles who's willing to tolerate your idiosyncrasies and that you leave the seat up. Whichever.
Anyhow, go MTM, as you suggest, and try Brooklyn Tailors. Started by a couple in their Clinton Hill apartment, their stuff is now at Barneys, yet bespoke suits are $1,275; reasonable by MTM standards and within your budget. Spend the balance on a custom shirt.
Q: Before you went Eat, Pray, Love you used to rail against the skinny tie. Like RAIL against it. Now you've come back and opened a store that sells only skinny ties. Do you find this at all ironic? —Andrew
A: Your note made us smile gently. Yes, partially because we've been project-vomiting gratitude out of our heart-holes ever since we returned from our extended Eat, Pray, Love sabbatical. But also because we took your conclusions about our store as strong evidence that you've been drinking Magnificent Bastards in unrestrained fashion.
We suppose if you strapped our Adam Smith cashmere belts around your neck (pictured in Chocolate Sandwich Cookie), they might qualify as skinny ties. We don't advise that.
Finally, there are our actual ties. All of them are exactly 3 1/8 inches wide at their widest point. Perfect now, perfect forever. Only a Jezebel columnist determined to shift body size norms would think to call that skinny. Or possibly someone who has just enjoyed a half dozen or so MBs.
Also: We still don't like skinny ties. But we thought of a compassionate way to eradicate them from America. Stay tuned for more on this soon.
1) Take the quiz. The deadline to submit is 11:59 PM CST on January 31.
2) Everyone who scores 100 percent on the quiz will be entered into a drawing we'll hold the first week of February. We'll choose two winners. Each winner will receive a free custom shirt from Deo Veritas.
3) We'll announce the winners, and share this information with Vinnie Sikka, the proprietor of Deo Veritas. Vinnie will take it from there, providing you with instructions on how to order your complimentary custom shirt.
4) Design your custom shirt at Deoveritas.com, using the simple-to-use online ordering system. You'll have a choice of 170 different fabrics, 12 collar styles, 8 different cuffs, etc. As you experiment with different options, Deo Veritas renders it in 3D to help you visualize your ultimate shirt.
Some friends and I were drinking some Magnificent Bastards and talking football and, naturally, Shannon Sharpe's dress attire on CBS's pregame show came up. My buddies think he dresses like a clown. I think he dresses with balls and style. Real sharp, as it were. What does the MB say? —Evan
"Balls and Style." Sounds like a good name for a men's style site and corresponding e-commerce shop. Er, nevermind.
We can see where your buddies are coming from with the clown comments. Unfortunately, sometimes Sharpe wears wide, floppy, too-neatly-tied bow ties that definitely evoke thoughts of men in makeup who accessorize with squirting flower boutonnières. Take Saturday, for example (left).
But we agree with you, Evan. Sharpe is great at bold pattern matching and texture combinations. Everything fits perfectly. His lapels are just the right width and echo that of his ties. His knots are almost always appropriate for the collar shape. He often wears gingham and textured ties, both MB favorites (see Sunday; right).
And while we usually need to turn down the volume when he's making a point, he's a pretty good analyst, too.
The big problems with tube tops in our opinion? They're too concealing, with too much tube and too much top. This COMME des GARÇONS piece solves that problem. It's more like a mudflap for breasts — ingenious! And yet classy enough to wear in the board room. Who says leather chestwear is only for dominatrixes?
Tie Promotion Update II
The updated contest is live. Answer a simple 5-question quiz and enter to win a free custom shirt from Deo Veritas.
Tie Promotion Update I
Whoops! We may have downed one too many Polar Vortexes while concocting our latest promotion involving ties and shirts. Our legal counsel has advised us that our original offer, as described, was "open to unkind interpretation" by various government agencies. So we're putting that promotion on ice and coming up with something new. Check back in later this week for a new contest where you'll have a chance to win a custom shirt from Deo Veritas.
In other words, perfect cocktail weather. When it's this cold out, though, even a hot toddy won't do. We decided we needed something new to celebrate this unprecedented cold snap, so we decided to create a new drink in its honor — the Polar Vortex.
As a starting point, we modeled the Polar Vortex on the classic Fanciulli cocktail, a Manhattan which uses Fernet Branca in lieu of bitters. For this bitter weather, though, you need bitters, so we doubled down with our favorite — Regans' Orange Bitters. Then, we added an extra ounce of hearty American rye whiskey to brace ourselves against the wind chill.
Unlike our normal languid, waltz-like shake of the ingredients, we gave everything an aggressive shake to produce a wintery, frothy top. A swirl of yellow Chartreuse in a chilled martini glass gave the Polar Vortex its full force. An orange peel as garnish added an optimistic note. Somewhere, it suggests, it's still warm enough to produce citrus.
One Polar Vortex takes the edge off quite nicely. Two will have you loosening your scarf. Three will make even Frosty the Snowman a little slushy, so watch your step.
Imagine there's no giant zany clown hand grabbing your package, it's easy if you try? No, we don't think so. To keep a straight face while wearing this outfit by Yoko Ono, you've got to be a true pro. Well done, male model!
As for Yoko Ono, we can officially say that breaking up the Beatles is only the second greatest aesthetic travesty she has perpetrated in her life. The first is the clothing collection in which the Lightbulb Bra appears. Produced in collaboration with Opening Ceremony, and initially offered in "limited-edition" quantities in November 2012, it remains unsurprisingly resistant to purchase, even at 50 percent off.
Q: I think the Kakutani is calling my name. But I've got a problem. I like spread collars, and I know your stance on them. Is it possible you've made the Kakutani so magnificent it works with spread collars even if I'm not Adrian Brody or that dude in The Scream? —Alex
A: We want the world to wear our ties. In fact, we might even sell one to Donald Trump if he asked nicely. And given how acquainted you are with our back catalog, we'd like to do right by you and tell you, sure, go ahead and wear the Kakutani with a spread collar.
Unfortunately, we can't do that. Yes, it is such a good-looking tie that you and many others might be tempted to wear it with a spread collar just show off as much of its fabric as possible. Resist that urge!
Granted, this is not as clear-cut as a Müller-Lyer illusion, but look at these illustrations from Esquire. B's neck and face look thicker and wider than A's, and yet the neck and face (and tie) are exactly the same in each drawing. Only the collar in B is different.
Conclusion: Spread collars instantly fatten your face and neck. And we can't let you do that to yourself, even if it means missing out on a sale. We will not sell you a Kakutani if you're planning to wear it with a spread collar.
With the run his team is on, Andrew Luck might take his post-game superstition — no shower, lucky performance T, Geico caveman facial expressions — all the way to the AFC title. However, it comes at a cost. Luck finishes the season with a Blutarsky-esque TMBQBR of 0.0.