Not sure if you should wear that Tommy Bahama shirt out tonight? The magnificent bastard is here to help. Go ahead. Ask away.
Relax, big spender, we want your knowledge, not your credit card info. If you know about something you think we should know about, let us know (so we can then pretend that we knew about it all along.) Send a tip.
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The MB Cocktail Contest is now down to the Elite Eight. The bracket will be updated on Saturday, March 13. The cream is definitely rising to the top.
Q: Being a younger MB in training (think college) whenever I'm around my mom she bitches about how wrinkled my shirts are, no matter how pressed they are. Now, please don't mock me too much for mommy problems, but I want your take. Are wrinkles ever appropriate?
--Tyler
A: Tyler, first tell your mom about the the MB principle of artful dishevelment. Then tell her you're moving out!
Do you think Rose Kennedy got on John's case for wearing this shirt on the beaches of Hyannis Port? Unlikely, probably because a.) she had like 7 or 8 other kids to deal with, and b. JFK knew to enough to tell his maid to pull that woven out of the dryer right before the timer ended, easily achieving the precise amount and depth of rumple.  posted:3.12.10 filed under:  via Warby Parker. $95.00.Check out Warby Parker eyewear. http://www.warbyparker.com/. They have vintage styles for cheap. Seems MB to me.
--James
Cool frames plus prescription lenses for $95. Plus free shipping and returns. And for each pair they sell they donate a pair to someone who needs a pair. Definitely worth a try. posted:3.12.10 filed under:Q: Re: American Apparel Slim-Fit Pajamas. Help, MB! Neither I nor the woman I sleep with cares what I wear to bed, as it never stays on for long enough for us to form an opinion about it. What am I doing wrong?
--Ben
A: Obviously, you are not having enough sex in your kitchen, on your lawn, or in the elevator at work. When we hit the sheets, we're more than ready to sleep at least 75% of the time. posted:3.11.10 filed under:Two entries that made the cut into the Magnificent Bastard Cocktail Contest called for dashes of Fee Brothers Whiskey Barrel-Aged Bitters. This was harder to get our hands on than an anorexic stripper in a vat of baby oil. To the rescue came fourth-generation owner Joe Fee, who sent us a bottle of the 2010 vintage weeks before its release to the general public. (Incidentally, the two aforementioned drinks advanced to the Sweet 16). In a couple weeks you'll be able to pick up this distinctive, strictly limited edition aged aromatic bitters at contest sponsor KegWorks. Ignore any impulse toward restraint when procuring this stuff. When it's gone, it's gone.
Cocktail Contest Update: Tomorrow night there are 8 more matchups, which will leave only the Elite Eight. Winners of this round to be posted on Saturday, March 13.
posted:3.10.10 filed under:Q: I am about to purchase this J. Peterman bag on sale at $298. Do you think it looks MB? It's the 1928 Air Corps Briefcase?
--Andre
A: In the old days, briefcases were basically desks that you carried around on a leash, and there was a genuine need for all their various compartments, straps, buckles, and such. Now? There's no reason for all that stuff -- they're Snuggies for your laptop. While we typically endorse a senseless lack of utility here, that's not quite the same thing as decor posing as functionality. Unless you're an archaelogist moonlighting as an office supplies salesperson, we say go with something simpler and definitely less shiny, like this messenger bag by John Varvatos. posted:3.10.10 filed under:Except for Robert Downey Jr., who looks to be compensating for being sober by matching his too-neatly-tied bow tie to his sunglass lenses. posted:3.8.10 filed under: Q: Sanuk. Bastardly, or not? I figure if it's good enough for Brad Pitt, it's good enough for me.
--CJ
A: Maybe because Brad Pitt wears them, maybe because of their frayed edges and unstructured construction, Sanuk sidewalk surfers have apparently fooled a lot of people into thinking they are something other than Crocs for homeless surfers. They aren't, and if you're thinking about getting a pair, only do so if you're extremely angry at your feet and want to play a practical joke on them.
Why don't we like Sanuks? It starts with the logo, which looks like some handless logo designer tried to draw one of our favorite 1970s designs -- the iconic smiley face logo -- with her mouth. Or maybe her ear.
Then there's the names of their shoes: the Vagabond, the Hobo, the Dylan, the Kerouac. We've never actually seen a vagabond, a hobo, or Bob Dylan wearing these things -- where is the model called The Sunburnt Project Manager Doing Jaeger Shots at a Bar in Boca Raton While His Wife Quietly Contemplates a Divorce?
Finally, there's the sandals themselves. That thick ungainly slab of foam they call a sole. The overly broad vamp. The weird, leaning-tower-of-Pisa tilt every model seems afflicted with. Put all this together, and what you've got is a shoe that looks like it was made by aborigine orthopedists for fellow tribesmen suffering from posterior tibial tendon dysfunction.
But don't just take our word for it. Here what some of the Sanuk's biggest fans have to say about them at Zappos.com:
* My wife thinks they are hideous but I like the appearance as well as the comfort.
* Thought I could get away wearing these without socks at work and realized feet sweat too much and start to stink.
* Comfy but sweaty and VERY STINKY...The smell is intolerable at this point.
* Sanuk Rules the roost!!! I thought Crocs were the most comfortable things I have ever put on my feet until I met Sanuk's!!! These shoes are off the hook when it comes to comfort.
* They are also great for some hacky sackin.
If such vivid first-hand testimony fails to convince you that there's nothing bastardly about these things, nothing will. posted:3.8.10 filed under:Lately we've been seeing backpacks so technical it looks like the wearer is either about to make a run at Everest or preparing to jump out of a plane.
Enter Jansport Heritage -- particularly the Wayback -- a bag designed by two hippies in 1969. We can think of no better pedigree, because let's face it, if you were a hippie in 1969 and you were spending your free time inventing backpacks instead of getting stoned with George Harrison and balling nubile runaways from Topeka, well, you had to really like backpacks!
At the same time, you wouldn't waste a lot of effort creating tiny little compartments, weird loops only a French alpinist could decipher, and various other "functional" ornamentation -- because George wanted to get stoned. And those runaways were pretty cute.
There are two straps, two zippers, and two compartments -- a big one for your weed and a small one for everything else. Beyond that, what else do you really need? posted:3.5.10 filed under: Ben Epstein, played by Bryan GreenbergGreat new show on HBO from the producers of Entourage. It's called How To Make It In America. Starring Bryan Greenberg, Victor Rasuk, Lake Bell, Kid Cudi and Luis Guzman. It's a modern-day New York version of two twenty-somethings trying to achieve the American Dream. Great style, awesome wardrobes and beautiful cinematography. It's only 3 episodes deep in its first season and it even has a cameo by John Varvatos in the second episode. Worth a watch, Bastards.
--Sean posted:3.5.10 filed under:The designer Jersey Shore tees have washed up on discount site bluefly.com, and this Crooked Monkey version has us seriously re-evaluating our massive house music collection. But even "The Situation" cannot diminish our enthusiasm for Basement Jaxx. posted:3.4.10 filed under: via Indochino. $349.00.Q: What should I wear to a wedding? I don't want to do the classic black dinner suit and white shirt. I'm partnered to a new GF and want to impress everyone there.
--Jason
A: Jason, we understand and applaud your desire to set yourself apart from the pack. At the same time, you don't want to be the person who shows up at someone else's wedding determined to be the center of attention -- someone's crazy drunken aunt will be there to fulfill that function. Thus, we recommend a simple, expertly tailored charcoal suit. Indochino's made-to-measure Essential Charcoal Suit is definitely worth a look and it's just $349.
If you're a little more flush, we are really liking Brooklyn Tailors' bespoke charcoal suit, handmade by artisans in New York, NY. It costs $975, but its genuine horsehair construction and custom fit should see you through weddings, job interviews, and, when that sad day finally arrives, your own funeral. (Not to get too maudlin here -- we're just saying this thing is built to last and will still look great in, say, 2070.) posted:3.4.10 filed under:Q: I need your help with the issue of cuffed/rolled up jeans. I see it around a lot and admit to liking the look. Is it MB? If so, what type of jeans are ideal? How wide of a cuff? A single roll or two?
--Jeff
A: Unless you're flying through the air on a motorcycle at at least 70 MPH, cuffing can be extremely dangerous. Thus, we pretty much only do it when it's at least 70 degrees outside and we're within walking distance of a major body of water. posted:3.3.10 filed under:Like the Snickers bar and the Belstaff jacket, Converse Chuck Taylor All-Stars were a near-perfect design right from the start, requiring only minor tweaking to attain icon status. Then, someone at Converse decided Chucks were essentially Etch-a-Sketches with slightly less arch support, and over the past few years, we've seen their timeless simplicity assaulted more brutally than Sylvester Stallone in the last fifteen minutes of a Rocky flick. Freakish mutations, hideous graphics -- there is no end to the indignities this classic, unassuming shoe has been made to suffer in the name of fashion.
Now, Converse has introduced the Chuck Taylor All-Star Slim line, which, like Michael Jackson's seventh nose job, appears to be a nearly invisible twist on an already unnecessary alternative, the Chuck Taylor All-Star Light. We say enough is enough. Like Liv Tyler, Chucks just look right a little chunky, and we wouldn't have them any other way. posted:3.2.10 filed under:Q: Hey guys: I am really liking the Allyn Scura site a lot - thanks for the tip about the Apollos. Could you give a recommondation about a style and color/colors that you like in the sunglass section?
Love the site.
--Tim
A: Tim, without knowing a little more about your style, it's a little like asking us what kind of car to buy. However, one thing even capitalists and communists can agree on: A pair of tortoiseshell sunglasses with a nice, substantial frame never go out of style. And Allyn Scura has a pair that can make you look like a Greek shipping magnate without having to divert too many funds from your socialized healthcare program. They're $40.
(From top: Aristotle Onassis, Fidel Castro, Sant'Angelo II 907.) posted:3.2.10 filed under: MB-endorsed paint chipQ: I'm a college student and am moving into a house with 4 roommates June. We like to think we're a bastardly bunch. As we approach the move in painting the interior to fit our MB lifestyle has come up as topic of discussion. What colors would your recommend painting the house in order to have people walk in and say to themselves "These boys have class"? Please help.
--Thoroughly Perplexed
A: Walls: Benjamin Moore Regal Latex. White N221 01. Matte finish (even in baths and kitchen).
Trim: Benjamin Moore Satin Impervo Alkyd Low Lustre Enamel. White C235 01. posted:3.2.10 filed under: The Tommy Gun: Pam Anderson garnish optionalThe Magnificent Bastard Cocktail Contest resumes next Thursday, March 11. In the meantime, here is cocktail submission that didn't make the cut to 32:
name: Tom G
email: *redacted*
recipe: Jack Daniels
Red Bull
Diet Coke or Pepsi
1. Use a 16 oz. or "tall glass".
2. Fill glass to rim with ice.
3. Add one generous shot of Jack
4. Add a splash and I mean a splash of Red Bull. A quick wrist flick usually works.
5. Fill remainder of glass with diet cola and stir.
This is a drink I created that I call the Tommy Gun named after myself of course. If you want a double you can order it with an "extra clip" of booze. The key is to not add too much Red Bull.
It is a drink I order after several hours in the bar in order to get a little extra boost of caffeine to either continue drinking or to help try and sober up enough to drive home. Yes the Red Bull tastes like Pixie Stix but the splash makes the drink a touch sweeter.
The Tommy Gun is sweeping the Nation.
posted:3.1.10 filed under: via Lands' End. $69.50.Q: Lands' End has started a line called Canvas, and it looks like they're trying to corner the more bastardly market. What do you think - are they TTH?
--Jordan
A: Thanks for the tip, Jordan. We took a look, and while inexpensive, any reasonable person would agree Canvas all looks a little too Lands' End-y. Except for the chino blazer, which is sticking out like a stylish, artfully disheveled sore thumb. 2 buttons, shirt shoulder, patch pockets, functional buttonholes, machine washable, and $69.50. If it's anywhere near what it looks like on paper, we'll get one in khaki and navy.
UPDATE: The blazer shown has 3 buttons, not 2 as described on the Lands' End web site. The sleeves are also the equivalent of a S. If you are a R or L, they will be too short. This was a return. posted:2.26.10 filed under: via Opening Ceremony. $82.00.Q: Hello MB, love your website.
Topic: MB approved bags for bicycling. According to my girlfriend all backpacks are nerdy though they are ok for actual backpacking. So I'm looking for a magnificent, somewhat practical and non-bikecourierlooking bike bag... Any tips?
Greetings from snow buried Estonia,
Siim Teller
A: Hello Siim,
While many cyclists prefer to let their bikes carry the load, we have no problem throwing on a backpack when doing our part to save the environment from one more godawful Prius. We also favor a traditional backpack design over a messenger bag. Minimalism has its place, but not when our latissimus dorsi is involved, and two straps are better than one.
That said, the most comfortable backpacks tend to involve a little too much cordura and Oakleyesque styling for our liking -- we prefer the more archaic approach of this Pendleton/Opening Ceremony bag, which, while lacking the padding of some more contemporary designs, completely alleviates the psychological pain that comes with knowing you have chosen to sacrifice style for comfort. No one will ever accuse you of that while wearing this.
In the event that you are looking for a one-strap solution, we recommend the Minnehaha Canvas Shoulder Bag. Made of natural materials, designed by people who ride bikes in the snow; we think it will look great in Estonia. posted:2.26.10 filed under:Q: What's MB's stance on chest hair grooming? Obviously a shaved chest is unacceptable but chest hair run rampant seems less than magnificent. I tend to trim mine short using a buzzer but this seems like the most favorable alternative to an unbecoming chest. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
--Brandon
A: Not to hedge, but this all depends on the amount and type of chest hair growth. The 40 Year-Old Virgin clearly needed to "wax that Teen Wolf thing right out," as his pal Jay rightly put it. Besides wearing film's best-looking suit, Cary Grant also sports one of film's best-looking, artfully disheveled chests in North by Northwest. (Incidentally, he's 55 years old in this picture.) If you just have a few unsightly stragglers poking out from around your nipples, go for the laser. It hurts like wax but after a few treatments they're gone forever, and you're ready for a Dolce & Gabbana shoot. posted:2.24.10 filed under:If anyone can, it's Robert Pattinson, seen here on the cover of the March 2010 Details. We certainly hope he fails, and he likely will. Two years later, this is still a look an MB can safely avoid. posted:2.24.10 filed under:Q: Shockingly you have never mentioned anything about your stance on earrings. I wear a very small silver hoop in my left ear and I consider myself to be moderately MB. My hot PhD wife certainly finds it sexy. What do you think?
--Mark
A: Sorry, Mark, here at Magnificent Bastard we think of earrings, even relatively understated ones like you describe, as a gateway drug to a spot on the next season of Jersey Shore. First comes the hoop earring, next comes Pauly D's blowout hairstyle. posted:2.23.10 filed under:Q: I am making a transition in my career to the position of a restaurant manager. I find myself wondering what my options are for shoes with rubber soles that look sharp, last a long time, and won't break my heart, or the bank, if they have food or drink spilled on them. Keeping in mind that I'll be on my feet for upwards of 10 hours a day, what do you recommend?
--Wasabi Chimp
A: WC, you are asking us to be really practical, and we hate being practical. However, if we ever find ourselves dining in the restaurant you manage, we don't want you spitting in our food. So here goes: Cole Haan Air Obori Oxfords. They're almost as sleek as a pair of Tods, we suspect they're just as comfortable as Crocs (though we'll never actually try on a pair of Crocs to test this theory), they have rubber soles per your request, and they're on sale at Amazon for only $99. posted:2.23.10 filed under:Q: Is a Canada Goose jacket OK?
--Fredrik
A: The Canadians are as good at outerwear as they are at hockey. Er, they're really good at outerwear!
Canada Goose is great as long as you choose wisely. Because their stuff is engineered for arctic conditions, it can quickly make you look like the Michelin Man. Also be wary of the logo patch, which especially if you're the gentle, caring type, will quickly have people mistaking you for a volunteer waterfowl rescuer.
Our favorite from last season was the Calgary, but good luck finding one. posted:2.22.10 filed under:Q: I was shopping around in Toronto recently, and as I was looking around for a new set of jeans I stumbled upon Naked and Famous jeans (http://www.nakedandfamousdenim.com/). I really liked the quality feel, and the basic appearance, but they do seem to have a thing for skinnier fits. The jeans are made in an old-style denim machine, and are made out of fine Japanese denim. I thought they seemed MB-esque. What do you think?
--Matt
A: There is definitely a lot to like about Naked and Famous. Like you say, they're made from quality materials, they're cleanly designed, and one version even contains 8% cashmere (and an MB can never be ensconced in too much cashmere). It's the fits we have a problem with. Perhaps they just need taller models, but the Slim Guy is unflattering (top), and The Skinny Guy should just be left to The Skinny Girl (bottom).
Best to go with the shirts.
posted:2.22.10 filed under:
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Bill York
Ingredients:
2 oz Herradura Silver Tequila
1 Tbsp St. Germain Elderflower liqueur
2 healthy dashes Angostura bitters
1 lemon twist
Instructions:
Add cracked ice to chilled mixing glass. Combine wet ingredients in the glass and stir for 30 seconds. Strain into a cocktail or highball glass or simply pour (ice and all) into a highball glass. Squeeze the twist and drop it in the glass.
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Matt Hamlin
1 oz Mezcal (Del Maguey Chichicapa)
.5 oz Dry Vermouth (Dolin Dry)
.5 oz Sweet Vermouth (Dolin Sweet)
1.5 bar spoons Maraschino (Luxardo)
Instructions:
Stir all ingredients over ice. Strain into a chilled cocktail glass.
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Winner: Matt Hamlin
Score: 4-1
Game Summary: York's cocktail was interesting because it contained a cloaking device (tequila was disguised as the main liquor). However, it couldn't hold the jockstrap of Hamlin's tequila Rob Roy, which was well balanced, finished beautifully, and forced most of us to drink the whole thing.
See the full tournament field
posted:2.20.10 filed under:
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Gary Cartwright
Ingredients:
4-6 mint leaves
1 3/4 oz bourbon
3/4 Citronge or other quality triple sec
splash sweetened lime juice
Instructions:
Rip and lightly crush mint leaves in a shaker tin with spoon or whatnot, then add lots of ice, the spirits and lime. Stir well, until tin dews up, and strain carefully over ice, with a lime twist or wheel garnish.
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Chris Weigert
2 1/2 oz rye whiskey
2 fresh raspberries
3 dashes grapefruit bitters
juice of 1/6 lemon (of your average small lemon slice)
Instructions:
shake all well with ice, allowing the berries to be crushed in the shaker. Double strain into a DOF glass filled with ice. Garnish with lemon twist and a small slice of grapefruit.
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Winner: Gary Cartwright
Score: 5-0
Game Summary: Weigert's raspberries weren't enough sweet to balance the sour. Cartwright's drink kept going; we wanted to keep exploring. It's very well balanced with subtle notes from all the ingredients.
See the full tournament field
posted:2.20.10 filed under:
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Michael Oakley
Ingredients:
2 oz tanquery 10 gin
1/2 oz campari
1/2 oz st. Germain
1/4 oz luxardo maraschino liquor
1/8 oz orgeat
2 dashes Fee's barrel aged whiskey bitters
Instructions:
Stir with twice the amount of ice you usually use and garnish with an almond flake
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Isaac Blesener
3 shots rye whiskey*
1/4 shot simple syrup
Angostura bitters
1/4 shot Cognac**
twist of lemon
*Sazerac is my preferred rye for cocktails, but Jim Beam rye works well and is highly underrated.
**Choose a brand you can enjoy on its own. I prefer "fine Champagne" Cognacs (e.g. Hine VSOP, Hardy VSOP, Remy Martin VSOP), but Hennessy VS also works; don't use Courvoisier VS.
Instructions:
Stir together simple syrup with 3 drops of Angostura in the bottom of a highball glass. Add the rye whiskey and fill the glass with ice. Stir for about 30 seconds and then strain into a lowball glass that has been rinsed with Cognac and filled about halfway with ice. Garnish with a lemon twist.
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Winner: Michael Oakley
Score: 3-2
Game Summary: Oakley's drink was a touch bitter, though there was not enough new in Blesener's cocktail to warrant advancement to the 2nd round.
See the full tournament field
posted:2.20.10 filed under:
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alex smith
Ingredients:
2 oz. Cruzan Single Barrel Rum (or other good quality gold rum)
.25 oz. Cane Syrup
.25 oz. Lemon Juice
.25 oz. Campari
Instructions:
Combine all ingredients, shake with ice & strain into cocktail coupe. Garnish with a wide lemon zest.
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John Dietl
1.5 oz. London Dry Gin
0.5 oz. Bonded Apple Brandy
1 tsp. simple syrup (1-to-1 sugar to water)
4 drops Orange Bitters
1 lemon twist
Instructions:
1. Pour the Gin, the Apple Brandy, the simple syrup, and the bitters into a mixing vessel.
2. Stir with ice.
3. Strain into a cocktail glass.
4. Garnish with a lemon twist.
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Winner: John Dietl
Score: 5-0
Game Summary: Smith's drink looked good on paper. It even smelled good. But on the tongue it was flat and one note. Dietl's drink was light and refreshing, like water chestnuts in a stir fry. A very strong cocktail.
See the full tournament field
posted:2.20.10 filed under:
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Tom Brown
Ingredients:
1 1/2 oz Haymann's Old Tom gin
1 oz Carpano Antica Sweet Vermouth
1 dash Kubler Absinthe
1 dash Fee Brother's Peach Bitters
Instructions:
Add ingredients together with ice in a cocktail tin and stir.
Strain into cocktail glass.
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William Whitfield
Vodka (I use a grain vodka)
Sweet Vemouth (any brand)
Canton (Domaine De Canton)
Whole lemon (for the fresh juice)
Instructions:
fill shaker with ice
add vodka (50%)
add Vermouth (40%)
cut lemon in half and squeeze into shaker (some pulp is okay)
add a splash of Canton(10%)
shake (about 30 shakes...)
pour into martini glass
garnish with lemon twist
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Winner: Tom Brown
Score: 5-0
Game Summary: Whitfield's cocktail was too puckery, even for the deck or boat. Brown's was a classic cocktail with the right amount of absinthe and perfect peach note.
See the full tournament field
posted:2.20.10 filed under:
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