Bowflex Turns Teddy Bear Family Man into Shirtless Toolbag

As demonstrated by the latest Bowflex ad campaign.

posted:

10.7.08

filed under:

• toolbag

Acceptable Cellphone Discovered

With the help of reader Eric Paradis, we've found another device that passes the MB personal communication test: the Russian Incrudo Phantom.

Besides looking like a titanium-plated Trabant, the Phantom qualifies on two key tenents:

Senseless Lack of Utility: The Phantom weighs in at 230 grams. That's a 1/2 pound. May require a separate carrying case.

Exclusivity/Obscurity: Only 10 Phantoms will be made.

posted:

10.7.08

filed under:

• cell phones

Sarah Palin Ruins a Perfectly Good Outfit

Yes, we're fully aware that Sarah Palin loves her red high heels. But pairing them with that black dress is something, say, a small town 40-something mom with bangs might do.

At least she doesn't paint her nails.

Meanwhile, moderator Gwen Ifill was feeling the Hillary/Michelle Obama turquoise vibe.

posted:

10.3.08

filed under:

• 2008

What We Can Learn From Joe Biden's Tie

* It's blue. Like usual. Barack wears the red one. Thems the rules.
* Symmetrical. The bad news: demonstrates a lack of creativity. The good news: his Senate desk is probably very clean.
* Small knot. You know what they say about guys with small tie knots? Exactly. That, and a knot this small is only achieved with a very cheap silk version. In other words, likely fiscally responsible.

posted:

10.3.08

filed under:

• 2008
• ties

Ask the MB -- Pagers

Q: What's your view on pagers? You know the little thing that sits on your belt and receive messages. I don't like carrying my phone around with me, but I still want people to be able to get in touch with me when I'm out of the office.
--Dave

A: Dave, we reckon you're toying with us by asking this question, but we strongly endorse such an anachronistic gesture. It's like writing a letter on a typewriter. (Don't go with the acid wash though.)

posted:

10.1.08

filed under:

• ask the MB
• accessories

Pinkie Ring

Increasingly erratic Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis provides yet more evidence against the pinkie ring. And wiping saliva from the corner of one's mouth during a press conference.

posted:

10.1.08

filed under:

• jewelry

Ask the MB -- White Cotton Suit Timing

Q: When is it too late to wear a white cotton suit? What if it is still warm at the end of September?
--Ben

We've previously set rules on white jeans (which were then copied by GQ's Style Guy in the July 2008 issue). The window for a white cotton suit is quite a bit smaller. Unless you're south of 26 degrees North latitude (about Ft. Lauderdale, FL), a strict Memorial Day-Labor Day rule is enforced.

posted:

9.30.08

filed under:

• ask the MB
• suits

Ask the MB -- Where Are You Located?

Q: Darling MB: Where are you located? I have trouble imagining you in NYC or SF, but I'd be delighted were you in either fine city. Also, the word "chick"? Utterly pedestrian. I'm not asking for you to go all-out hipster and say something ridiculous like "birdie" or "doll", but really. xx.
--Holden

A: What, no kisses? Hon, your instincts are strong. We're based out of Pulaski, WI.

posted:

9.30.08

filed under:

• ask the MB

RIP to an Original MB -- Paul Newman

Longtime readers know how much we dug Paul Newman. In an interview earlier this year we cited Newman as one of the four most stylish people who've influenced us, along with Oscar Wilde, Yves Saint Laurent, and Chi-Chi Rodriguez. With two of the four dying this year, 2008 has really sucked. Hang in there Chi-Chi!

Anyhow, beyond the movies, the blue eyes, the philanthropy, and the tasty salsa and salad dressing, Paul Newman's greatest achievement -- even better than being on Nixon's enemies list -- was demonstrating the coolness of a v-neck sweater with woven white shirt.

posted:

9.29.08

filed under:

• celebrities
• shirts
• sweaters

How Not to Shake Hands, by John McCain

No matter how much contempt you have for someone, or how uppity you think they are, when shaking hands a Magnificent Bastard always looks the other guy directly in the eye.

posted:

9.29.08

filed under:

• etiquette
• 2008

Ask the MB -- Cargo Pants

Q: What are your thoughts on cargo pants? I see no reference under pants?
--Clint

A: Perhaps the best quote from 2007's Superbad is from Seth, played by Jonah Hill: "Nobody has gotten a hand job in cargo shorts since 'Nam!" Yes, we're talking about cargo pants here, but it's probably safe to say no one's gotten a hand job in cargo pants since Grenada, or at least Desert Storm.

Once again, 14th-century English logician and Franciscan friar William of Ockham brings clarity to the issue of cargo pants: "All other things being equal, the simplest solution is the best." In other words, what the hell do you need all those extra pockets for?

posted:

9.26.08

filed under:

• pants
• ask the MB

Insult to Injury

It's one thing to get aufed on Project Runway. It's quite another to get aufed when you look like Suede did last night.

posted:

9.25.08

filed under:

• project runway

Ask the MB -- Principle of Organic Materials

Q: Regarding North Face fleece, just what exactly is the principle of organic materials?
--Lee

A: The principle of organic materials is simple: It's that organic materials are inherently superior to anything made by man, even if they are less practical. So when given a choice, always choose organic materials.

Try this thought experiment to illustrate the point: Imagine the ultimate MB -- JFK -- sailing a boat made out of fiberglass. Your head just exploded. See what we mean? Plus, given that organics are the result of Mother Nature, there are always slight imperfections that enhance another core MB attribute: artful dishevelment. (Note JFK's look.)

Use the following table to help guide your decision-making.

If you are about to:

posted:

9.24.08

filed under:

• celebrities
• ask the MB

King Henry Accessorizes Prudently

In spite of the Windsor knot, and in spite of his mangled pinkie finger (obviously a result of playing tackle at Dartmouth), Henry "The Hammer" Paulson looks like the kind of guy you want running a $700 billion bailout. That watch is a Timex Ironman, available at Target for $34.99.

posted:

9.24.08

filed under:

• target
• watches

Ask the MB -- North Face Fleece

Q: Fall and winter are looming on the horizon and the need to stay warm is quickly becoming a concern. What is your opinion on "The North Face" craze? Past peak? I hope not since I own several of their jackets for casual/ski wear and still love them.
--Matt

A: Matt, is there a resale shop near you?

North Face fleece violates at least three MB principles:

1. Principle of organic materials.
2. Principle of no logos.
3. Principle of not looking like Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg.

posted:

9.23.08

filed under:

• outerwear
• ask the MB

What's Wrong With This Picture?

The winner -- total toolbag Paul Azinger -- is wearing a mock turtleneck. The loser -- MB-ish Nick Faldo -- in an artfully disheveled collared shirt.

It's one thing for Mr. Azinger to be unstylish -- that's par for the course with him -- but does he need to dress up the entire team in that awful outfit?

In spite of the lopsided victory, that photo will not stand the test of time. In 20 years people won't be looking at the winning 2008 Ryder Cup team and say, "Geez, those guys really had style back then." Exactly the opposite.

posted:

9.23.08

filed under:

• celebrities
• mock turtleneck
• golf
• shirts

Gaddafi Stuck in the '80s

Libya is emerging from diplomatic isolation, but clearly leader Muammar Gaddafi is stuck back in Pan Am Flight 103 days.

Also: we're seeing the negative impact of over-accesorization, specifically with flag pins. Gaddafi's wearing the whole goddamn continent.

posted:

9.8.08

filed under:

• blazers
• accessories
• celebrities

Cindy McCain Says, 'Fuck This. I'm Going Farah.'

Cindy McCain is an heiress to a large beer distributorship, and she'll be goddammed to let some WT chick from Alaska with bangs upstage her. So last night she pulled the pin, let it down, curled it, and went Farah.

Top: Cindy McCain, pre Sarah Palin
Lower Left: Cindy McCain, post Sarah Palin
Lower Right: Farah Fawcett

posted:

9.5.08

filed under:

• celebrities
• 2008

(All pictures -- except actual Frankenstein -- from John McCain's acceptance speech, Xcel Energy Center, St. Paul, MN. September 4, 2008.)

posted:

9.5.08

filed under:

• 2008

Hillbilly Makeover in Full Swing

Give credit where it's due. She's got Hillary's gams, but GOP is giving Sarah Palin a generally successful makeover, with neutrals and a bang-mitigation program. Mrs. Clinton, are you paying attention?

posted:

9.4.08

filed under:

• 2008

Ask the MB -- What to Drive

Q: Forgive me if this question is outside the realm of the MB: What's the best method of automotive transportation for an MB? I get mixed signals in an age of "going green" and MB principles of exclusivity, understatement and bastardness. Something ostentatious like a Hummer is no doubt passé and a Prius is too ubiquitous and trendy. My main mode of transport is a 40 MPG, 1997 Honda Civic HX with 256,000 miles. It's a great car and has never broken down but I suspect it's neither magnificent or bastardly. Thoughts?
--Dan

A: This question no doubt deserves full treatment in the form of an MB Scientific Chart, but we're currently all too drunk from free booze at several GOP Convention parties to put one together. In the meantime, your instincts on the Hummer and the Prius are right on, and you're obviously understanding core MB principles like exclusivity and understatement. But the '97 Civic violates another core principle: a senseless lack of utility. Your car doesn't break down enough. Sorry ... where were we? Tune in later for a chart.

posted:

9.4.08

filed under:

• cars
• ask the MB

Todd Palin Provides Definitive Proof Against MB-ness of 3-Button Suit

Another hearty MB "thank you" to the politicians and their families who just keep on giving. The latest is Todd Palin, Sarah Palin's husband and potential First Toolbag, for validating our stance on 2 vs. 3-button suits. A winning slogan in 2008: Don't look like Mahmoud Ahmadinejad or Todd Palin.

posted:

9.3.08

filed under:

• suits
• 2008

Cindy McCain and Laura Bush

Not a very good matchup for Mrs. Bush. Looks like Barbie and Mrs. Beasley.

posted:

9.2.08

filed under:

• 2008

Ask the MB -- Fall Wedding

Q: My boyfriend, (who is 30, I am 29) and I are attending a wedding on November 1st. The wedding is around noon, and what to wear then is not an issue. The reception however, is 6 hours later, in the early evening, at local micro brewery's event hall. Boyfriend is a sous chef, and his clothes are either casual, or formal, but we aren't sure what's best in this situation. And what about me? Cocktail dress? Satin slacks and a pretty top? We humbly seek your expertise and guidance. Thank you!
-Dana

A: Dana, you don't need much help. Your hosts are signaling casual with the noon wedding and the brewpub. We like the satin slacks and pretty top idea. Hot. For your hash-slinging beau: casual to go with your un-cocktail dress look. November 1 is officially fall and darn close to holiday, so velvet works. Otherwise corduroy and something nubby, either the tie or the cardigan or the v-neck.

posted:

9.2.08

filed under:

• ask the MB
• saks fifth avenue
• sweaters
• dolce & gabbana

Sarah Palin as Shotgun-Toting Grandma?

We've had a long, spirited editorial debate about whether Sarah Palin is more Texas polygamist sect (underage pregnancy, bun hairstyle, always following God's word obediently and happily) or Beverly Hillbillies (white trash, dropping g's, shotguns) and narrowly came down on the side of Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, as Granny!

posted:

9.2.08

filed under:

• 2008

MB Welcomes Sarah Palin: Time Warp!

A hearty pat on the back to John McCain for choosing Sarah Palin as his running mate. Straight outta the '80s!

posted:

8.29.08

filed under:

• 2008

Obama to Biden: 'You Wear the Blue Tie, I'll Wear the Red Tie'

Those apparently are the only two tie color options. (And of course only one suit option: navy with pleated pants.)

Top: Obama and Biden together last Saturday, August 23.

Bottom: Obama and Biden together last night, August 27.

posted:

8.28.08

filed under:

• 2008
• ties

Ask the MB -- Jack Spade Bags

Q: What do you think of the Jack Spade bags?
--Bry

A: Hard to argue with the clean lines of Jack Spade bags. We suppose you can cut off that logo, with sharp cuticle scissors and steady hand. Bigger problem is, these things are everywhere, so they don't pass muster on the MB principle of exclusivity/obscurity.

posted:

8.28.08

filed under:

• barneys co-op
• ask the MB
• jack spade
• laptop bags

From Turquoise to Tangerine

So much for neutrals. Hillary Clinton has clearly ignored our 3-Point Makeover Plan and has instead decided to stick with glowing pantsuits.

posted:

8.27.08

filed under:

• 2008

We Wish We'd Thought of This: Bluetool

Three cheers to Details magazine for coining a new term: bluetool

n. A person who wears a Bluetooth earpiece at any time other than while driving.
Provenance: Annoyed pedestrians
Usage: "The bluetool behind me on the sidewalk was telling the loudest story about who he hooked up with the night before."

posted:

8.27.08

filed under:

• toolbag
• accessories