Magnificent Bastard

Saturday, August 23, 2014

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Last Minute Shakedown

Last Minute Shakedown
Well, we looked it up, and, no, there's no such penalty as "Unnecessary Toolbaggery." But if there were, Ford Field would have been adorned with more flags than a Tea Party rally at the end of Lions-Niners game on Sunday.

No doubt you've seen the replay already — after the resurrected 49ers handed the Lions their first defeat of the season, Coach Jim Harbaugh, pulled his shirt up to show (a) he wasn't packing any heat and (b) he has been packing on the pounds. That was good for Flag 1. Then, he tried to execute a chest-bump with one of his players. This alone would have been good for Flag 2, but he compounded the toolbaggery by failing to break contact with the ground — that's Flag 3 — and failing to make contact on the chest-bump — that's Flag 4.

Then, instead of giving Lions coach Jim Schwartz a traditional post-game handshake — which requires coming to a complete halt, looking one's opponent in the eye, and giving him a solemn, almost funereal shake — he treated Schwartz like a fan standing between him and the post-game buffet and simply gave him a rolling shake and a hearty back slap. That was Flag 5.

At that point, Schwartz took over, chasing down Harbaugh and staring him down without actually looking at him — Flag 6 (pictured). Then, when some space opens up between him and Harbaugh and he no longer has a real shot at him, he gets really angry and starts trying to go at him again, except that somehow he cannot make the proper turn upfield and just keeps heading for the locker room, as if he were wearing bowling shoes instead of cleats. Do we have any flags left? If we do, that gets one too.

POURCAST

BETA

Martinez

  • 2 parts Hayman's Old Tom Gin
  • 1 part sweet vermouth (Carpano Antica Formula or Dolin Rouge)
  • 1/4 part Luxardo Maraschino liqueur
  • 2 dashes Fee Brothers Whiskey Barrel Aged Bitters

Shake or swirl lightly, garnish with a lemon twist.


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