Magnificent Bastard

Friday, January 30, 2015

From the Shop ↷

Deadstock Girard 3700 Sunglasses

As worn by Bradley Cooper in American Hustle


300-Year Sterling Silver Buckle Belt

Built to look great forever — even if you live to 300


Disposable Letterpress Beverage Shields

Get some before we use them all up!


Signed Charge of the Unicorns Print

Ready to upgrade from that Renoir or Picasso?



Swing Like Tiger

Swing Like Tiger
Like Don Draper, Tiger Woods has great taste in wives. Like Bill Clinton, he's got awful taste in mistresses. Seriously, we haven't seen this much toolbag arm candy since we were backstage at a Mötley Crüe reunion show a couple years ago. (Don't ask.)

Check their resumes, and we're betting 85% of them are Girls Gone Wild alumnae, classes of, oh, 1999-2002.

MB's #1 rule for picking mistresses: Do not count on a woman with fake boobs, fake nails, and fake hair color to be discrete.

MB's #2 rule for picking mistresses: If more than 50% of your side dishes have stripper names (Jaimee, Kalika, Cori, etc.), make sure you have a bulletproof pre-nup.

Top: Tiger signals his intent to spawn by taping large salmon to chest. The ladies love it!

1. Rachel Uchitel
2. Jaimee Grubbs
3. Kalika Moquin
4. Mindy Lawton. (We don't get this one. Is it possible she's banging some other guy named Tiger Woods?)
5. Jamie Jungers
6. Cori Rist
7. Holly Sampson
8. Artist depiction of Mistress #8. You know she's coming any minute, along with #9, #10 ... soon he'll have 18 holes.

(Memo to Jon Gosselin: Step up your game, because it looks like Tiger wants your Toolbag of the Millenium crown, and you know there's no one more clutch when a title is on the line.)

POURCAST

BETA

Rusty Gets Nailed

An MB-updated version of the Rusty Nail (3 oz scotch / 1 oz Drambuie).

  • a healthy dose of a single malt scotch (The Macallan)
  • splash of Drambuie

Serve on the rocks with a lemon twist. An hour later roll yourself into bed (not necessarily alone).


In-Depth Rusty Gets Nailed Coverage:

Magnificent Bartender: Rusty Nail

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