Magnificent Bastard

Monday, September 1, 2014

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Ask the MB: Shark Jumping

Ask the MB: Shark Jumping
Q: As much as despise the phrase "jumping the shark," it appears that MB has done so with the last two posts. How can MB endorse a hoodie? I remember reading past articles that the hoodie was replacing the track jacket and a true MB should avoid this trend....now you have endorsed a fleece Columbia hoodie. Secondly, Sheex sheets. What about your mantra of organic materials only? These sheets are made of polyester. Should I throw out the advice of high thread count sheets and replace with this work out wear bedding? Very confused right now.
—ML


A: ML, both the hoodie and bedsheets posts were in celebration of April Fools' Day.

Gotcha.

As you stated, the 82% microfiber polyester and 18% Lycra Spandex SHEEX grossly violate the MB principle of organic materials. They also violate the MB principle of "Never buy anything 'The Situation' probably owns."

We've previously recommended high thread-count Tencel for the warmer months. They're also good year-round for the warmer-blooded, and of course, for those hot, sweaty chicks you bring back home from the club.

In its inexorable drive towards being Wal Mart, Target has stopped selling the popular, MB-recommended cotton sheets, so we suggest buying as high a thread count you can afford made by Sferra. They're expensive (and don't have the wet spot wicking power of SHEEX) but are well worth the money. You can find them occasionally at Gilt Home. (Drop us an email if you still need an invite.)

As for the Koozie Hoodie, with a built-in bottle opener and two beer bottle holders, well, we think Columbia might be fooling everybody 365 days a year.

MB Endorses: Columbia Men's Utility Hoodie

MB Endorses: Columbia Men's Utility Hoodie
Ninety-nine percent of the time, we favor a senseless lack of utility in the stuff we furnish our lives with, but sometimes you just need a sweatshirt that doubles as a kitchen utensil. As the marketing copy for this windproof, spill-resistant hoodie explains, it's treated with Omni-Shield advanced repellency and perfect for "beer drinking and bro-in' down with your BFFs" because it features "a built-in bottle opener that is always on hand." It also comes with pockets that are "strategically designed" for holding beer bottles.

We're not sure what these are for — when you're in bro-in' down mode, constant contact between your beer and your hand is a given. Other than that, though, we love this thing and think they ought to come in six-packs, so we could have one for every party night of the week. (We take Wednesdays off to catch up on Sons of Guns.)

Tip the MB: Mark Zuckerberg as Toolbag Weapon

Tip the MB: Mark Zuckerberg as Toolbag Weapon
I read this on The Daily Beast and thought it prudent to advise the MB. Toolbaggery has a deadly weapon in its arsenal: Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg.
--Dino


Over two years ago we added "The Principle of Not Looking Like Mark Zuckerberg" to the MB canon, so we're definitely aware of the threat his fleece, Adidas slides, and non-pedicured toes pose. However, it should be noted that the rise of Microsoft did not lead to widespread adoption of fellow Harvard drop-out Bill Gates' colorblock-sweater-over-floral-woven look.

Ed. note: We are officially madly in love with Rebecca Dana, the author of the Beast piece.

Fleece: Stop the Madness

Fleece: Stop the Madness
Q: I'm not sure whether this is an "Ask the MB," a "Tip the MB," or just a general MB PSA, but: Can we all agree that wearing anything fleece -- ESPECIALLY a zip-up mock turtleneck -- under your suit or blazer rather than a coat *over* it is a one-way ticket to Toolbagville? It pains me to say that I have seen this with increasing frequency here in NYC (though mainly in the Midtown business-douche districts), and I can only conclude that these guys have finally discovered what exactly NOBODY ever wanted to find: the male equivalent of wearing sneakers with a skirt or pantsuit for the walk in to work. Please, for the love of God, people: Get a proper winter coat. Stop the madness.
--Chris


A: This is a look we'd expect to see in Pulaski, WI, not the Big Apple (though it would be fleece under a Carhartt jacket instead of a suit jacket). We're opposed to fleece because it violates the principal of organic materials (it's made from something called Polyethylene terephthalate), and we avoid wearing anything that sounds like it might give us cancer.

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