magnificent bastard - celebrities

Not sure if you should wear that Tommy Bahama shirt out tonight? The magnificent bastard is here to help. Go ahead. Ask away.

Linen. It sucks.
Top 10 Ways to Look Like a Total Toolbag
How To Determine If Your Chick Is a Dirty Girl

channel: celebrities

Ask the MB: Will Smith Hoodie
Q: What kind of hoodie is Will Smith wearing in Hancock and where do you get one?
--Ric

A: The actual hoodie worn by Smith in the scene pictured is now for sale on eBay (auction ends Wednesday). It's a grey Russell Athletic you can get just about anywhere. As for the two-tone version he's wearing on the beach (inset), we're doing some digging.
posted:
12.1.08
filed under:
Photoshop Can't Fix Everything
Neither Jesus-like outer glow feature, nor intently staring off into the distance can save David Beckham from looking like a toolbag with Motorola's Motopure Bluetooth headset.
posted:
11.24.08
filed under:
- toolbag
- celebrities
Contact the MB: Kevin Jonas
Please accept my nomination for TOW (Toolbag of the Week). Kevin Jonas, of the Jonas Brothers tucked his jeans into his rather feminine looking boots AND is wearing a shawl collared sweater with ghastly patches, stripes and a soccer player design on the breast.
--Matt

A: Matt, this may qualify as TOY (Toolbag of the Year). The worst part of this ensemble is the Lamborghini. It screams TTH. The principle of artful dishevelment extents to an MB's automobile. Kevin Jonas might've even made those boots work had he arrived in a rusty '81 Chevy Caprice.

(Again, someone please explain why we're wrong about pant tucking.)
posted:
11.24.08
filed under:
Ask the MB: More Turtleneck Clarification
Q: Clarification on the turtleneck. Surely you refer to the ribbed/knit examples you show and NOT the cotton tight-necked number we all remember from childhood winters.
--Palmy

A: Paul Newman made a fairly tight-necked turtleneck work pretty well in perhaps the most famous turtleneck photo of all time. Palmy, maybe your 2nd-grade sartorial memories aren't as bad as you think.
posted:
11.20.08
filed under:
Robert Pattinson: Fashion Victim
Twilight star Robert Pattinson successfully achieves artful dishevelment -- his hair secret: not washing it for 6 weeks -- but the rest is a bit of a trainwreck:

Black on black on black on black looks like he may have picked this up at Hot Topic.

Skinny tie a novel choice. In 2004.

Skinny pants only serve to enlarge midsection/ass in unflattering ways.
posted:
11.19.08
filed under:
Tony Romo Singlehandedly Makes Ivy Cap Outgoing
Colossal toolbag Tony Romo at the post-game press conference after the Cowboys win at Washington. MBs beware of the ivy cap!
posted:
11.17.08
filed under:
Ask the MB: Turtleneck Clarification
Q: I'm unclear on your turtleneck position. Are saying it was only ok in 1968 and for chaps much more MB than I'll ever be? I have a navy tall mock turtleneck (taller than a mock but not enough to fold over) that I love. Not MB?
--Scott

A: We're saying McQueen, Player, and Newkirk helped make the turtleneck forever cool. If you don't have enough material to fold over, or let flop down in an artfully disheveled way, then you ought to keep it in your closet. Or perhaps burn it. Anything even veering towards mock should be avoided or you might start looking like Tiger Woods. And that ain't good.
posted:
11.14.08
filed under:
We Welcome Hillary Clinton as a Reader
A few months ago we were asked how we'd give Hillary Clinton a makeover. She appears to be reading the site and following our advice, except for the part about not looking like a special guest on Project Runway for the Hefty Cinch Sak challenge.
posted:
11.11.08
filed under:
Vince Vaughn: An MB in Crisis
Wow, what a difference 12 years make. In 1996 Vince Vaughn practically defined Magnificent Bastard-dom as Trent Walker in Swingers. In 2008 he's playing opposite Reese Witherspoon as a bloated married man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and straw hat in Four Christmases. About the only thing recognizable are the sideburns.
posted:
11.3.08
filed under:
- celebrities
Ask the MB: Shawl Collar Sweaters
Q: A sweater with a shawl collar: a fleeting trend or an MB wardrobe staple?
--Wadie

A: The shawl-collar sweater doesn't quite reach the high "wardrobe staple" bar, but in 1968's Bullitt Steve McQueen definitively made it more than a "fleeting trend." Wear with confidence this year, and next.
posted:
10.29.08
filed under:
Why McCain is Losing: Deficient Sleeve Rolling Technique
John McCain meekly rolls his sleeves only two turns, and too neatly. Barack Obama makes three turns, which explains his lead in the polls. However, both could take sleeve-turning lessons from all-time MBs Paul Newman and James Dean, who turn them up past their elbows.
posted:
10.24.08
filed under:
Sarah Palin Rallies Draw Toolbags
Really no shock here:
Her recent events drew scruffy high-schoolers in backward baseball caps, tank-topped bikers in bandanas and long-bearded veterans in berets. They crashed the rope line for photos and autographs. "Marry me, Sarah," a man implored in Weirs Beach, N.H., while Ms. Palin held up a tow-headed toddler and patted his little chest. She ignored, or didn't hear, the proposal, but signed the dude's ratty baseball cap.
Shouldn't Tony Romo be studying game film?
posted:
10.20.08
filed under:
Tim Gunn Not Making It Work
For a guy who's got his own makeover show, Tim Gunn makes a rookie mistake matching those silver frames with a shiny gold watch ... like Rush Limbaugh wears.
posted:
10.9.08
filed under:
- project runway
- celebrities
RIP to an Original MB -- Paul Newman
Longtime readers know how much we dug Paul Newman. In an interview earlier this year we cited Newman as one of the four most stylish people who've influenced us, along with Oscar Wilde, Yves Saint Laurent, and Chi-Chi Rodriguez. With two of the four dying this year, 2008 has really sucked. Hang in there Chi-Chi!

Anyhow, beyond the movies, the blue eyes, the philanthropy, and the tasty salsa and salad dressing, Paul Newman's greatest achievement -- even better than being on Nixon's enemies list -- was demonstrating the coolness of a v-neck sweater with woven white shirt.
posted:
9.29.08
filed under:

Ask the MB -- Principle of Organic Materials

Q: Regarding North Face fleece, just what exactly is the principle of organic materials?
--Lee

A: The principle of organic materials is simple: It's that organic materials are inherently superior to anything made by man, even if they are less practical. So when given a choice, always choose organic materials.

Try this thought experiment to illustrate the point: Imagine the ultimate MB -- JFK -- sailing a boat made out of fiberglass. Your head just exploded. See what we mean? Plus, given that organics are the result of Mother Nature, there are always slight imperfections that enhance another core MB attribute: artful dishevelment. (Note JFK's look.)

Use the following table to help guide your decision-making.

If you are about to:

Activity	Choose	Instead Of
Buy a dress shirt	100% cotton	50-50 cotton-poly blend
Side your house	cedar	vinyl
Write something down	#2 pencil	pen
Decide on a date	The one with real breasts	The one with fake breasts
Tee it up	Featherie	Titleist Pro V1
Climb Mt. Everest	To wear pelts from Nepalese fauna	North Face fleece

posted:

9.24.08

filed under:

What's Wrong With This Picture?
The winner -- total toolbag Paul Azinger -- is wearing a mock turtleneck. The loser -- MB-ish Nick Faldo -- in an artfully disheveled collared shirt.

It's one thing for Mr. Azinger to be unstylish -- that's par for the course with him -- but does he need to dress up the entire team in that awful outfit?

In spite of the lopsided victory, that photo will not stand the test of time. In 20 years people won't be looking at the winning 2008 Ryder Cup team and say, "Geez, those guys really had style back then." Exactly the opposite.
posted:
9.23.08
filed under:
Gaddafi Stuck in the '80s
Libya is emerging from diplomatic isolation, but clearly leader Muammar Gaddafi is stuck back in Pan Am Flight 103 days.

Also: we're seeing the negative impact of over-accesorization, specifically with flag pins. Gaddafi's wearing the whole goddamn continent.
posted:
9.8.08
filed under:
Cindy McCain Says, 'Fuck This. I'm Going Farah.'
Cindy McCain is an heiress to a large beer distributorship, and she'll be goddammed to let some WT chick from Alaska with bangs upstage her. So last night she pulled the pin, let it down, curled it, and went Farah.

Top: Cindy McCain, pre Sarah Palin
Lower Left: Cindy McCain, post Sarah Palin
Lower Right: Farah Fawcett
posted:
9.5.08
filed under:
- celebrities
- 2008
Age-Inappropriateness: Bill Maher
MB Rule: When the hair goes grey and begins to recede, abandon the graphic tees with a pot-smoking dragon wearing a crown.
posted:
8.15.08
filed under:
- age-appropriateness
- celebrities
Ask the MB -- Hairstyles and Sport Clips
Q: The last time I got my hair cut, the stylist (at Sport Clips) suggested that I start wearing it in a faux hawk. Even though I'm still an MB in training, I'm doubtful. So, what is your opinion on hairstyles (and going to Sport Clips)?
--Byron

A: The faux hawk is the urban mullet. Yes, David Beckham can pull it off adequately, but he is David Beckham. Everyone else is simply a sad variation of Martin Short's SNL character, Ed Grimley (inset).

Regarding Sport Clips, all you need to do is look at the picture they use on the "About Sport Clips" page: the man most in need of an MB makeover on the planet. Byron, find yourself a hot young stylist who will shampoo your hair, give you a scalp massage, and not suggest bad hairstyle ideas.
posted:
8.11.08
filed under:
Favre in Need of True Diva Styling
Ultra-casual Brett Favre looked surprisingly natural in a suit at last month's ESPY Awards, but he clearly missed the MB memos on camo and graphic tees as he left Green Bay yesterday. Also, those sunglasses veer dangerously close to reflector blades. A true diva needs true diva shades. Like Madonna in Versace.
posted:
8.7.08
filed under:
Ask the MB -- Steve Jobs
So what do you think of Apple founder Steve Jobs' sense of style? These days, he almost always wears the same outfit in public, consisting of: 1) black mock turtleneck; 2) jeans; 3) white or grey New Balance sneakers; and 4) iPhone. Is it just me, or does this technological visionary dress like a toolbag?
--Evan

A: We haven't specifically addressed Jobs' particular sense of "style," but your sense of the MB ethos is strong, Evan.

- mock turtleneck
- jeans. Poor Steve could learn about AG. That high-rise, tapered Levi's soccer-dad cut just isn't appropriate for a technological visionary. Or really anyone.
- white New Balance sneakers
- iPhone

Verdict: total toolbag.
posted:
8.1.08
filed under:
Contact the MB -- Scooters
Regarding scooters, I can't believe you missed this fine example of how to pull off the MB scooter look: riding double with Audrey Hepburn on the the back, Roman Holiday style.
--Ray

A: Our oversight. Anytime Audrey Hepburn is riding with you on a scooter, you are automatically pulling off the scooter look.

Side note: If you can distract yourself from Gregory Peck's tie knot, check out Ms. Hepburn in an early version of gladiator sandals.
posted:
8.1.08
filed under:
- contact
- celebrities
Ask the MB -- Scooters
Q: With gas prices where they are the idea of commuting on a scooter is looking more attractive. The problem is I don't want to look like a toolbag. Is there anyway to avoid this? By the way I am not a 20 year-old, 100 pound, Starbucks barista.
--Ben

A: Making a scooter work definitely has a high DD (Degree of Difficulty) but can be very MB (Magnificent Bastardly), primarily due to scootering's importance in the British "mod" scene of the '60s and '70s. Sting is riding one with aplomb in the poster for the 1979 film Quadrophenia (top). So they meet the MB principle of Anglophilia straight away.

Also, Certified Magnificent Bastard William F. Buckley is riding one on the cover of his 1968 book "The Jeweler's Eye" (bottom). Take note of these examples -- check out Buckley's dress, hair, and facial expression -- and ride with confidence.
posted:
7.31.08
filed under:
- celebrities
- ask the MB
Heidi Klum Singlehandedly Bringing Back the '80s
First as the model for Jordache jeans. Now with her hair. Is that a perm? Or Jessica Simpson?

See Also: Heidi Klum's Curve-Reduction Photoshop Surgery
posted:
7.24.08
filed under:
- celebrities
Greg Norman Loses in Style
The Shark's signature final-round folds remain the same, but thankfully his wardrobe has changed. Eschewing bright colors and patterns in favor of neutrals, now he chokes in style. Might this style evolution be the influence of new bride Chris Evert?

Top: Norman at his last triumph in 1993 at Royal St. George's, looking quite peculiar

Bottom Left: Norman on Saturday in white polo with ivory cashmere v-neck

Bottom Right: Norman on Sunday in black-on-black

posted:
7.21.08
filed under:
Is Barack Obama a Toolbag?
Quick, someone help Mr. Obama with his casual wear.

1. Double pleats.
2. Belt-clipped cell phone.
3. Frankenshoe. Part cross-trainer, part rock climber, part office casual. All wrong.

(Not pictured: Obama's new flag pin.)
posted:
7.21.08
filed under:
- toolbag
- celebrities
Twins Turning Brad Pitt Into Toolbag?
Besides sleepless nights and double diaper duty, twins can apparently initiate toolbag-dom on even Hollywood elite:

1. Grecian Formula not supposed to remove all the gray.
2. Un-ironic goatee strikingly similar to Toolbag Extraordinaire Ben Affleck (inset).
3. Gold necklace.
posted:
7.21.08
filed under:
- toolbag
- celebrities
Ask the MB -- Hillary Makeover
Q: Even the minions of the MB can see that Hillary Clinton is in need of some fashion assistance. If the MB were to provide her with some advice and consent what would you suggest that she do to amend her fashion mistakes?
--Chris

A: 15 years ago SPY magazine offered a good suggestion for Hillary's wardrobe: dominatrix. Unfortunately the United States Senate has clear rules against leather, whips, and chokers. So, here is our 3-point plan that might still get Hillary in the White House:

1. Ditch the Crazy-Ass Color Palette
Nobody looks good in head-to-toe royal blue. Or turquoise. Or especially the bumblebee yellow-and-black. Heck, that color combination even makes Bumblebee Man look sad. Go with neutrals. Try just black for once.

2. Implement Disproportionately-Wide Hip Mitigation Plan
For whatever reason, Hillary chooses to feature her worst feature -- those hips -- by repeatedly wearing pantsuits. Try a tie shirt-dress or, and this is really radical, a skirt. Yes, they expose the cankles but still preferable.

3. Abandon Dress Barn as Wardrobe Source
Or wherever she gets her current outfits. It's true: Prada does not make a size 18, but try Neiman Marcus or Saks and get into brands like Eileen Fisher, TSE, Gayla Bentley, or Shirin Guild.

From top:
* February 1993 SPY magazine cover
* Hillary at January 2008 campaign stop
* Bumblebee Man
* Gayla Bentley tie shirt-dress
posted:
7.14.08
filed under:
An Overhead Smash to Magnificent Bastard-dom
Something just ain't right about seeing the completely unstylish Rafael Nadal triumph on the completely stylish lawns of Wimbledon. Nadal's match with Roger Federer may be an instant classic, but neither that dreadful sleeveless top nor those long shorts will stand the test of time. Poor fella looks like some weird combination of Menudo and Rambo.
posted:
7.7.08
filed under:
Dior Mist 1
via unitedshades.com. $203.00.
Ask the MB -- Will Smith's Sunglasses
Q: What sunglasses is Will Smith wearing in Hancock?
--Andy

A: Finally an easy one. Christian Dior Mist 1 in black. You need to be an especially magnificent bastard to pull these off. Or an alcoholic superhero.
posted:
6.27.08
filed under:
Dolce & Gabbana McQueen Cotton Hoodie
via Saks Fifth Avenue. $238.05.
Magnificent Bastard: Steve McQueen
Our deep-seated issues with legibility and hoods have officially met their match when Dolce & Gabbana puts an original Magnificent Bastard like Steve McQueen on the front of a sweatshirt. (Note McQueen's rolled sleeves, undone top button, four-in-hand knot, and the absence of jewelery.)
posted:
6.23.08
filed under:
Ask the MB -- Penguin Clothing
Q: I am happy to see that Penguin is at least somewhat MB endorsed. However, much of their offering breaks the rule of logoed clothing -- is there a time and a place for the Penguin logo, or should I stick with their non-branded items?
--Mark

A: Toughest question we've received so far. Logoed Penguin duds were especially cool pre-2003, when you could only find them on ebay or at vintage clothing shops. Now that their rebirth is in its 6th year these items are much more common. Yet it's such an iconic brand, and they still make very good-looking (logoed) clothing it's a real MB dilemma.

Let's look to orignalpenguin.com for guidance:

ORIGINAL PENGUIN by Munsingwear became a staple among the masters of suburban leisure well into the 1980s –- worn by the likes of Arnold Palmer, Bob Hope, Bing Crosby and Richard Nixon.
Problem solved. Thanks originalpenguin.com!

Simply print out and then cut out the Magnificent Bastard Spinner below. Attach arrow to board with pin. Before you decide to wear your obviously logoed Penguin clothing, spin the arrow. If it lands on the hack comedian or Dick, wear something else. If it lands on the legendary golfer or legendary entertainer, wear the Penguin with confidence.

posted:
6.18.08
filed under:
Ask the MB -- Cowgirls
Note: magnificentbastard.com was asked to guest-answer a question at trustyourstyle.com, a lifestyle blog run by the extremely angular designer Mary Jo Matsumoto. And here's what happened:

Q: While shopping this weekend I noticed a lot of tacky women's cowboy hats with crunched up brims in hideous colors. I would never judge a person for their personal style but hasn't this gone on long enough? Madonna wore one in a video 15 years ago and even back then it looked awful. Aren't two season of Rock of Love enough to finally end this travesty?
--Rita

A: What's wrong with judging a person for their personal style? It's a really great timesaver.

While we can't endorse tacky cowboy hats in hideous colors (or two seasons of Rock of Love for that matter), the "cowgirl" look is as American as apple pie and obesity. Love it or leave it, Rita!

Though it doesn't sound like you'll be attempting this look, the trick to making it work is to be sparing with the cowgirl elements, or it'll look like you're late for a date at either the County Fair or the O.K. Corral.

For instance: a cowboy hat with denim and boots = about right. Cowboy hat with denim, boots, and 6-shooter (like Jane Russell) = too much.

Clockwise from upper left: Betty Boop, Lynda Carter, Cher, Veronica Lake, Jane Russell, Jane Fonda.
posted:
6.13.08
filed under:
Dirty Harry -- Magnificent Bastard
As he's about to kill Scorpio in 1971's Dirty Harry, Clint Eastwood's tie is askew 7.5° to the left, the precise amount of MB artful dishevelment in any vigilante justice situation.
posted:
6.9.08
filed under:
Ask the MB -- Tall Drink of Waiter
Q: I know that you have long heralded the death of skinny ties, and I mostly agree. However, a skinny (not too skinny, though) tie can be worn well in some situations. I am very young (18), very tall (6'4") and thin. Sometimes I like to wear a black suit with slim lapels and a white shirt and top it off with a slim black tie. Given my circumstances, is this really that bad? Can one not pull off the skinny tie with the right body and suit? Thanks.
--Bo

A: Waiter! Another round of Dewar's. Rocks.

Bo, leave the skinny (even not too skinny) ties to guys like Zac Efron, who use them to appear 5'3" instead of 5'1". Use your God-given stature to your advantage, and try a play on scale, with a short, wide tie ... and a different colored suit.
posted:
6.9.08
filed under:
Ask the MB -- Senior Moment
Q: I know you guys love the Style Guy but he just made a huge error in the June edition of GQ. He said that you cannot take out the pleats in pleated trousers. They should buy their suits at MARK SHALE. They do it all the time for no charge and they turn out beautifully.
--Larry

A: We do like Glenn O'Brien (the Style Guy), though as you point out he is dead wrong about about removing pleats. Not just Mark Shale can do it; so can any competent tailor. Maybe he was having a senior moment like his contemporary, John McCain.
posted:
6.9.08
filed under:
Tom Colicchio -- Unwitting MB Guide
Every Wednesday on Top Chef (Bravo, 10ET, check local listings), host Tom Colicchio is an extraordinarily reliable guide for what not to do. Last night: a wall clock watch.

MB Watch Size Rule: 40mm maximum.
posted:
6.5.08
filed under:
Trying Too Hard: Richard Roeper
Poor guy is nearly 50 and looking increasingly weird and bewildered with spiked hair and the occasional t-shirt under blazer look. On this week's Ebert and Roeper he demonstrates a couple of don'ts:

Don't #1: 3-button blazer; buttoned while seated.
Don't #2: Pants hemmed looking like he's expecting Category 5 hurricane.

Another knock: poor guy recommended Speed Racer, the worst movie of the year by miles.
posted:
6.5.08
filed under:
Yves Saint Laurent -- 1936-2008
We're pouring some forties for YSL, who was recently cited in an MB post about pocket squares. Not only was Yves Saint Laurent a fashion icon, he was one of those rare individuals who aspiring MBs could learn from just about every time he was photographed. Take, for instance, this July 1968 picture with Lauren Bacall and daughter Leslie. Velvet suit (in July) with dramatically wide (and short) tie, dressed-down with button-down shirt matched with uber-casual grommet belt. And of course the trademark frames and flowing locks. Brilliant.
posted:
6.2.08
filed under:
- celebrities
Ask the MB -- Ballet Flats vs. Heels
Q: What's up with the new "ballet flats" that I've seen women wearing lately? I've watched them in disgust from afar as springtime rolled in and now the inevitable has happened. My wife bought a pair. What do I do? I've conveyed to her in no uncertain terms that women should always be in heels -- out on the town, in the kitchen, in the bedroom, etc. -- but she just does not get it. I'm going to have to steal her flats and hide them. Can you provide backup for me on this?
--Jaison

A: Jaison, we understand your question is mainly for comedic effect, but you know what you really ought to do? Give your wife a hug and a kiss because ballet flats are an all-time classic. Think Audrey Hepburn, regular ballet flat wearer, also an all-time classic, and near the top of the Magnificent Bastard Favorite Babes list.

Though your wife may not wear heels in the bedroom, you done good, son.
posted:
5.29.08
filed under:
- celebrities
- ask the MB
Attack of the Twerps
The June issue of GQ is literally the straw that broke the camel's back. It's got Shia LeBeouf (5'2" 113 lbs.) on the cover. This on the heels of Zac Efron (5'3" 115 lbs.) on the front of the Jan/Feb issue of Details and Hayden Christensen (5'5" 133 lbs.) on the cover of the March Details.

These are men's magazines, not Boys' Life. It's probably too much to ask for this generation to find equivalents to Paul Newman, Marlon Brando, and Burt Lancaster, but Shia Freaking LeBeouf?! His latest role is Indiana Jones's sidekick; or, a slightly taller Short Round. Who's set for the July issue? That 17 year-old guy who was a runner-up on American Idol?
posted:
5.27.08
filed under:
- misc
- celebrities
Ask the MB -- Steve McQueen in Bullitt
Q: Steve McQueen, Magnificent Bastard. Mock turtleneck. Bullitt. MB pronouncement, repealed?
--Marcus

A: Yes, Steve McQueen certainly was a Magnificent Bastard, but we can assure you that at no time in Bullitt did he wear a mock turtleneck. Open your fucking eyes and you'll see it's perhaps Film's Most Famous Real Turtleneck; a blue ribbed turtleneck sweater, shown underneath a tweed blazer (top).

Overshadowed by the famous turtleneck was McQueen's demonstration of how to nail a chunky shawl collar cardigan with woven shirt (bottom).
posted:
5.19.08
filed under:
Charles Barkley: The Round Mound of Ill-Conceived Outfits
Ask the MB -- Number of Suit Jacket Buttons
Q: Simple question: how many buttons should their be on the front of your suit?
--Ray

A: We've weighed in on this before when analyzing Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's three-button David Byrne look-alike "Psycho Killer" suit.

We officially endorse two buttons. We're not adamantly against the three-button, like we are against skulls or tapered soccer-dad jeans or wearing an electronic device on your belt like some cable-access version of Batman. It's just that we know for certain that four-buttons are out because Charles Barkley wears them. And 3 is closer to 4 than 2, so that's bad.
posted:
4.30.08
filed under:
Sarah Jessica Parker! Help Your Husband Out!
Matthew Broderick has been spending an inordinate amount of time on the red carpet these days, which is a good thing because he regularly demonstrates what not to do. Though this is an upgrade over his latest appearance, the former Ferris Bueller is still a mistake. At a mere 5' 6", 5' 7" tops, the man should not be in a pair of slim-cut trousers; they merely highlight his much wider ass and belly, which he is apparently trying to disguise with a coat that's two sizes too big.

Carrie Bradshaw please help this poor guy!
posted:
4.25.08
filed under:
- celebrities
Ask the MB -- Facial Hair
Q: Where does the MB stand on (male) facial hair? I see your page is now adorned with a fella gettin' a shave so I guess I already know the answer. This wanna-be MB has had a goatee for a long time but has been recently thinking about finding a razor. Thoughts?
--Dan

A: Listen, partner. You reckon you ever seen a fella who's an MB with a goatee? Thought so. Yeeehaw!

Either be fixin' to find a razor or grow it out, like Iron Man Robert Downey Jr., on the cover of this month's GQ, who's also the winner of the George Clooney look-alike contest.
posted:
4.24.08
filed under:
Top Toolbag's Table Manners
While we all anxiously await the forthcoming Magnificent Bastard Dining Guide, Top Chef host Tom Colicchio demonstrates some really bad table manners.

Top: Lift your goddamn arm off the table.

Bottom: Don't lick your goddamn fingers.

And this guy is the host of Top Chef...
posted:
4.24.08
filed under:
- celebrities
- dining
What Not to Do: Tom Arnold
At the premiere of Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Tom Arnold, host of the best show on TV ("My Big Redneck Wedding"), demonstrates why long, once-tucked, now untucked sport shirts with exposed undershirts are bad things. (Andy Dick too obscured for sufficient analysis.)
posted:
4.17.08
filed under:
Something is Rotten in North Carolina
During last night's broadcast of the championship game:

Top: North Carolina player Tyler Hansbrough, receiving Naismith player-of-the-year trophy, wearing black mock turtleneck (with $199, 4-button pinstripe suit).

Bottom: North Carolina coach Roy Williams, during halftime break, wearing black mock turtleneck (with $99 flecked wool blazer).
posted:
4.8.08
filed under:
- mock turtleneck
- celebrities
Ask the MB -- Visors
Q: MB: Ball caps? Nope, never worn them. Flip it backwards? Are you kidding me? Visors? Yup. Wear 'em. Even feel like a bastard at times. How 'bout you? Visors? I'm talking on the golf course, and off.
--C.D.

A: The highly-destructive Tiger Woods Apparel Effect has contributed to making visors quite rare these days. MB strongly endorses them, but only when both of these rules are met:

1. You're on a golf course, and
2. You've got the locks to show off.

(Clockwise from upper left: Fred Couples, Trevor Immelman, Phil Mickelson, Tommy Armour III.)
posted:
4.7.08
filed under:
George Clooney Starting New Trend: Wide(r) Ties
George Clooney at the Los Angeles premiere of Leatherheads (opening today), not praying to the tired "skinny" god of GQ and Band of Outsiders, but, as you might expect from Mr. Clooney, doing his own thing. How refreshing, and MB.
posted:
4.4.08
filed under:
- celebrities
- ties
Matthew Broderick: A Cautionary Tale
Age-appropriate dress is a tenet of lifelong Magnificent Bastard-dom, and it can be a tricky thing to get right. Most men thankfully don't wear thumb rings at age 51 like Anthony Bourdain -- or thumb rings at all -- but we sometimes wear jeans with too much shit on the back pocket, and it looks wrong.

At the other end of the spectrum is dressing prematurely old man. Witness Matthew Broderick at the premiere of Smart People (starring wife Sarah Jessica Parker). He's just 46 and he looks like a U.S. Senator or a banker nearing retirement on "crazy tie" day.
posted:
4.2.08
filed under:
- age-appropriateness
- celebrities
A Sad Fall, Except for Two Things
Jamie Lee Curtis Still Has 'Em
Jamie Lee Curtis has gone from hot, naked Hollywood star (Trading Places) to granny-looking shill for Activia yogurt -- the one that "helps to naturally regulate your slow intestinal transit" -- but she still sure has a nice set of cans.
posted:
3.31.08
filed under:
- celebrities
Top Toolbag: Tom Colicchio?
Top Chef's lead judge Tom Colicchio, last night decked out in an unbuttoned black woven shirt, over a black t-shirt. We bet Mr. Colicchio $1000 his shirt, besides being black, was also overlong and untucked.

Um. Nevermind.

See also: yesterday's post touching on this matter.
posted:
3.27.08
filed under:
Guido the Killer Pimp a Style Trainwreck
Where else on the World Wide Web are you going to get two posts about Guido the Killer Pimp in a 2-week span? Only at magnificentbastard.com. (See earlier one.)

Let's have a look at what's wrong with GtKP (Joe Pantoliano) at the red carpet premiere of Flawless starring Demi Moore and Michael Caine:

1. Beret. Violation of the principle of Anglophilia. Francophilia way less cool.
2. Multiple necklaces. Violation of principle of minimal accessorization.
3. Tucked-in sweater. Never do this.
4. Skull belt buckle. Skulls beyond outgoing.
5. Cane. OK if used for actual physical ailment; never OK for affect. Doesn't really work with skull belt buckle.
6. Multiple rings. (See multiple necklaces.)
posted:
3.26.08
filed under:
Ask the MB -- Undershirts and Dress Shirts
Q: What are your feelings on undershirts when your shirt is not all the way buttoned up? Crew neck, v-neck, or none at all....My father who always dresses well tells me if it is going to be any at all it should be a v-neck, but if at all possible none at all... What do you think?
—Brandon

A: Your papa taught you how to wipe your ass, shave your face, and tie your tie. Let's not start doubting him now.

Few things are more vulgar than a white crew neck tee under an unbuttoned woven shirt; you'll look fully unstylish and clueless. A v-neck isn't much better -- the lines look like ass and are the men's equivalent of panty lines -- but may be permissible in extremely cold conditions, either outside or in the office.

In conclusion, do what your dad says and leave the undershirt for the weekend.

(Note: Nothing we just said applies if you are Carson Kressley.)
posted:
3.26.08
filed under:
Biggest Upset of the Weekend
West Virginia beating Duke. Coached by gold watch, mini-mock turtleneck, black blazer, used car salesman haircut-wearing Bob Huggins, the Moutaineers defeated a team coached by the at least somewhat well-dressed (though over-accessorized) Mike Krzyzewski. One can only imagine the smell of Mr. Huggins' cologne.
posted:
3.24.08
filed under:
- celebrities
Please Pack Your Long Sleeves, and Then Wear Them
Last night's episode of Top Chef clearly illustrated the principle of playing to your strengths, and minimizing (or completely covering) your weaknesses. In this case, going sleeveless.

Top: Host/judge Padma Lakshmi can rock sleeveless (and a lot of other things) six ways 'til Sunday so that look works beautifully. On the other hand...

Bottom: Judge Gail Simmons from Food & Wine -- with a fairly cute face and above-average cleavage -- should call attention to those features, and not her arms, which look like they're both victims of one too many food judging competitions.
posted:
3.20.08
filed under:
- celebrities
- misc
Ask the MB -- Watch Bands
Q: I'm looking for a new watch, and I thought I'd get the official MB opinion on leather vs. metal bands since I do respect your opinion here. Personally, I feel like the leather band is a nice throwback to the classics. Am I alone on this one?
—Joe

Don't worry Joe, you're not alone. Leather is a nice throwback to the classics and we won't fault you for choosing it. However, may we recommend you consider eschewing both leather and metal in favor of nylon grosgrain? It satisfies the MB principle of understatement, and has greater versatility than either leather or metal. Grosgrain's naturally casual so it's easy to dress it down, but you can also dress it up -- way up -- as demonstrated by James Bond in Goldfinger.
posted:
3.18.08
filed under:
Separated at Birth: Hugh Jackman and Groundskeeper Willie?
Top: Hugh Jackman photographed on a Sydney beach in late February, recently released after serving 18 months in the maximum security wing of Gold's Gym.

Bottom: Preternaturally ripped Simpsons character Groundskeeper Willie.
posted:
3.12.08
filed under:
- separated at birth
- celebrities
Cuba Gooding Jr. Officially Ends Newsboy Cap Trend
As a general rule, whenever Cuba Gooding Jr. wears something, it officially ends that trend. He wore a newsboy cap last week at the premiere of 10,000 B.C. Here's the somewhat-recent history of the newsboy cap trend:

posted:
3.10.08
filed under:
- hats
- celebrities
MB Tribute -- William F. Buckley
Pop quiz: William F. Buckley's greatest cultural contribution was:

A. Founding the modern conservative movement
B. Founding National Review magazine
C. Hosting Firing Line for 33 years
D. MB icon and poster boy for the principle of artful dishevelment

Correct Answer: D.

From the top: Buckley demonstrating the proper black tie alignment; Buckley on the set of Firing Line hitting the trifecta of hair, jacket, tie dishevelment; casual Buckley demonstrating casual rumpledness (portrait).

R.I.P.
posted:
2.28.08
filed under:
- celebrities
- artful dishevelment
Roger Clemens -- Toolbag Icon
Last week the Rocket threw a strike with his banded collar shirt presentation. This week he's throwing heat again with a double-breasted suit, a la American Beauty's Brad Dupree. This guy is solid toolbag gold. Whatever he does, do the opposite.

(Cap tip: Ryan H.)
posted:
2.14.08
filed under:
- suits
- celebrities
Roger Clemens Clearly Confirms Magnificent Bastard Editorial Decision
Two days after magnificentbastard.com declares it safe to never wear banded collar shirts, toolbag juicer Roger Clemens shows up at Congress wearing a banded collar shirt. Thanks, Rocket!
posted:
2.8.08
filed under:
- celebrities
- shirts
Ask the MB
Q: It's time for me to look into a new hairstyle, and recently a flat top was suggested. Just wondering what the overall opinion of a flat top is. Is it too meat-head-ish? I'm wondering if the pros think it clashes with good clothes. I tend to pull off short hair very well, so I was seriously considering trying it out. However, I figured I needed to ask the experts before assuming anything.
—Mike

A: Let us state this in the most unequivocal way possible: this is a really, really fucking bad idea. When Hall of Fame defensive lineman and TV star Howie Long can't pull it off, it's likely a sign no one can. Getting this haircut actually lowers your IQ, hence damaging your social standing, your career standing, and any standing with chicks (or at least any chicks of interest). Avoid at all costs, unless you've been drafted, and we ain't talkin' 'bout the NFL.
posted:
2.7.08
filed under:
Breaking: Tom Brady's Emerging Bald Spot Signals End Of Patriots' Dynasty
The New York Giants had nothing to do with it. All MBs out there with hair: celebrate.
posted:
2.4.08
filed under:
- celebrities
- misc
Heidi Klum's Curve-Reduction Photoshop Surgery
Nobody is happier about the return of Jordache than we are. But is it really necessary for them to apply Photoshop's liposuction filter to world-class MILF Heidi Klum?

Top/Middle: Super-skinny Heidi Klum as seen in current Jordache print ad.

Bottom: Slightly flabbier/curvier Heidi Klum as seen in campaign photo shoot video on jordache.com (click on "Penthouse" and then on "Heidi Klum Penthouse").
posted:
1.28.08
filed under:
- jordache
- celebrities
Things an MB Can Safely Never Wear: Thumb Rings
As demonstrated by best-selling author and Travel Channel superstar Anthony Bourdain. Avoid like you would consuming a still-beating cobra heart.
posted:
1.27.08
filed under:
- accessories
- celebrities
Curse of the Outrageous Sunglasses. Is Pauly Shore a Dead Man?
We're just wondering.
posted:
1.23.08
filed under:
- celebrities
- sunglasses
A Trend To Watch In 2008: Fake Tears
Left: Hillary Clinton in New Hampshire last week.
Right: Terrell Owens in Dallas yesterday.
posted:
1.14.08
filed under:
- celebrities
- 2008
George Clooney Demonstrates the Death of Skinny
For a while we've been saying skinny -- especially skinny ties -- is over. Last night at the Critics' Choice Awards, George Clooney not only dealt skinny a death blow, he signaled the welcome return of wide.
posted:
1.8.08
filed under:
- celebrities
- ties
Ask the MB
Q: MB: Silver or gold?
—Andy

A: A short question deserves an equally succinct answer. Two words: Rush Limbaugh.
posted:
1.7.08
filed under:
- ask the MB
- celebrities
Garanimals Candidate On the Ropes
If you're an MB.com reader and live in New Hampshire, please consider a vote for Hillary Clinton tomorrow. The latest CNN-WMUR poll has her down by 10 points, and a USA Today-Gallup poll has her being crushed by 13. A Hillary defeat deprives this site of nearly 10 months of style commentary that practically writes itself.

Please consider a vote for Clinton, and more importantly, for the MB!
posted:
1.7.08
filed under:
- celebrities
- 2008
Ask the MB
Q: I just got invited to The People's Choice Awards by my sister. This was unexpected but she already bought my ticket out there (i'm from Chicago) and have me set up in a hotel - not bad. So my question to you is what do I wear to a function like this? I am hoping it is not a tux. I would just love to rock out a pair of nice jeans, a shirt, and a sport coat but I am sure that is not accepted.
—Adam

A: Katherine Heigl is going to be there, right? So may we suggest a blue-grey suit along with a traditional Kazakh wedding bag to be placed over her head (who cares if she was recently married)? But seriously, jeans + shirt + blazer is a tad overdone and common. Instead, try rocking out in Varvatos that's currently on sale, like this.
posted:
1.4.08
filed under:
Being from Wisconsin ain't no excuse
Tony the Toolbag
Not only do the Cowboys have to overcome their NFC opponents to make it to the Super Bowl, they need to overcome the ongoing toolbaggery of their quarterback. Interviewed by NFL Network over The Jessica Simpson Episode, Tony Romo wore a bright salmon, logoed button-down collar shirt with the buttons unbuttoned. In most cases we would expect the Significant Other to correct this situation, but Jessica Simpson most likely dressed him for the interview.
posted:
1.1.08
filed under:
- celebrities
- toolbag
Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson: True Love
Toolbag quarterback Tony Romo has landed what we consider to be the perfect toolbag accessory: ditzy fake blonde with dark roots, huge hoop earrings, and sunglasses propped on her head. She's only about 1/2 a notch up the white-trash-o-meter from Britney.
posted:
12.17.07
filed under:
- toolbag
- celebrities
First the Wrangler Endorsement, and Now This
During yesterday's post-game interview, Brett Favre demonstrated the pitfalls of a 38 year-old wearing age-inapproriate clothing. Camo skull cap and printed tee. Yeesh.
posted:
12.10.07
filed under:
One Word, Girl: Sleeves
Donna Karan was the guest judge last night on Project Runway, seemingly promoting some of the flabbiest arms we've seen since our grade school cooks serving up hot lunch. Donna, we admire a lot of your work (especially Signature), but please cover that shit up. Geez.
posted:
12.6.07
filed under:
- celebrities
- project runway
Richard Pryor Tee
via Urban Outfitters. $28.00.
7 Years of College Right Down the Drain
Superbad's Jonah Hill is the closest thing to John Belushi since, well, John Belushi. So perhaps his faded Richard Pryor tee is this generation's equivalent to Bluto Blutarsky's blue "College" sweatshirt.

Superbad available on DVD tomorrow.
posted:
12.3.07
filed under:
Curb Your Enthusiasm For Questionable Wardrobe Choices
Sure, Larry David might have the funniest show on TV, but it doesn't stop him from making highly questionable wardrobe choices, like the t-shirt/v-neck sweater combo, and the dreaded white athletic sock look. Save those for the gym.
posted:
11.15.07
filed under:
Ding, Ding, Ding, Ding!
We may finally have an answer to the Jamie Foxx in The Kingdom sunglasses question. Contrary to a couple of readers claiming they saw D&G on the temple, it would appear reader Derek Ford has it right: Mr. Foxx is wearing Michael Kors model MK S110, on sale at zappos.com for $186.25.

Now you're OK'd to go kick some terrorist ass.
posted:
11.13.07
filed under:
Tony Comboverheiser - The Anti-Magnificent Bastard?
Tony Kornheiser, the most annoying color commentator except for Phil Simms, demonstrates an especially inept comb-over every week on Monday Night Football. Give that man a fedora. Then get him off TV.
posted:
11.13.07
filed under:
- celebrities
'We Love America.' Right Back At You, Brother.
Now here's a lapel pin we can get behind. French President Nicolas Sarkozy was in town (wearing a lapel pin) and while we couldn't get a close-up tight enough for visual confirmation, evidence points in the direction that it may be a portrait of Marquis de Lafayette (inset) -- the French general and hero of the Revolutionary War who named his son after George Washington -- placed between the American and French flags. Here's to rapprochement between America and one of her greatest friends.

Update/Correction: Even though the above makes for a tear-jerking story of two great nations kissing and making up, Sarkozy's accessory selection was wishful thinking on our part. Anyhow, the Marquis/French flag/US flag pin, from the Durel's jewelry shop in Lafayette, LA, wins strong MB endorsement.

Dear MB: I just read your post on N. Sarkozy. The pin he sports is most probably not the Lafayette / Flags pin, but rather the symbol of the highest order in the French Legion of Honor. A French president automatically gets this highest order when he gets elected; all members of the legion of honor place a small symbol on jackets (plain red for a Chevalier, the first level, then various additions of colors as a person grows in the order). It's actually kind of cool as it's a discreet reminder of an old-fashioned but still sought-after French membership.
—Thomas
posted:
11.8.07
filed under:
- celebrities
- accessories
The YouTube Yuniform
Billionaire YouTube founders Steve Chen and Chad Hurley on Oprah yesterday* demonstrating the Official YouTube Yuniform: blue blazer, open collar blue dress shirt, black belt, jeans, black dress shoes.

Whoa fellas! Take it easy!

See the video.

* We don't actually watch Oprah. Ever. We just saw the news about Oprah doing a YouTube show. We swear.
posted:
11.7.07
filed under:
- celebrities
'Nobody Wears a Trenchcoat With the Collar Down'
That's Dan Rather's quote from this clip sent to us by reader William Schroeder, which shows Mr. Rather debating for 19 minutes and 42 seconds about whether to wear a coat, and if so, whether the collar should be turned up or down.

These are big decisions.

In a previous post we were down on popping collars up, but that was specifically for polo shirts. Here, Mr. Rather is correct. What you see him struggling with in the video is achieving the correct amount of artful dishevelment, as demonstrated by Mr. Bogart (aka MB) is "that scene" from Casablanca.
posted:
10.30.07
filed under:
The Search Continues
An update on those sunglasses Jamie Foxx wore in The Kingdom: We finally got a hold of Armies of the World (the company that did the props for The Kingdom) and they did everything except Mr. Foxx's sunglasses. Which makes sense since we have visual confirmation from several MB.com readers that an extreme closeup reveals "Dolce & Gabbana" on the temple. The only "Armies of the World" we can imagine being fitted with D&G sunglasses are a.) the Italian army, and b.) the Spartans from 300.

Anyhow, the model Mr. Foxx's sunglasses look most like are the 2022s (top), but it's not an exact match. Our guess is it's a bespoke pair, but we're in touch with Dolce & Gabbana for confirmation. If you have any other info, please let us know.
posted:
10.19.07
filed under:
Does HBO Hate America, Or Just Have a Little Style?
Top: Dan Marino on HBO's Inside the NFL with a clear lapel.

Bottom: Dan Marino on CBS's The NFL Today with the most post-peak and grossly unfashionable of all accessories: a US flag lapel pin. (Larry Craig wears one. 'Nuff said.)

Bonus points to Marino for the similarly askew tie knot. Dude swings to the right.
posted:
10.18.07
filed under:
Terrorist Ass-Kickin' Shades
So we're watching the trailer for The Kingdom (opening nationwide tomorrow) and we're like, "Holy shit! Jamie Foxx looks like a total badass MB in that pair of shades!" And then we're like, "Where have we seen these before?" And then it occurs to us that Harrison Ford wore a similar pair -- albeit much less badassly -- in Apocalypse Now (after he did Star Wars, can you believe it?). Then we wondered what that frame was, and until we get a call back from Susan Matheson (costume designer for Armies of the World, who fitted Mr. Foxx and the rest of the cast of The Kingdom), a very, very close version (minus the tapered temples) is the Ray-Ban Caravan, available at amazon for $97.50.
posted:
9.27.07
filed under:
- celebrities
- sunglasses
Psycho Killer
We reckon Iranian president Ahmadinejad has loads more style than the adverb-challenged dude holding the sign. After all, he's got a jacket named after him and, like Hugh Grant, recognizes the simple sophistication of a crisp white dress shirt. However, he's not without flaws. Besides an odd understanding of world history, his coat looks shoddily made and way too big; clearly better suited for David Byrne in Stop Making Sense. Furthermore, we're not real big fans of the 3-buttons. Even though some top shops still make them, they look dated to us, like something we saw on the sale rack at Banana Republic about 2 years ago. 3-buttons look best on the guys sitting at the end of an NBA bench, and all 7 analysts on ESPN's Sunday NFL Countdown.
posted:
9.25.07
filed under:
- celebrities
- suits
High Crimes and Misdemeanors
The only surprise here? That they're not bright green.
posted:
9.22.07
filed under:
- crocs
- celebrities
Not a Total Disaster
She's clearly not a candidate for either bare midriff or jeans tucked into boots. However, Britney Spears makes a strong case for the potential IQ-increasing power of appropriate eyewear. In her case, those frames represent about a 20-point swing.

(magnificentbastard.com's sunglass/eyeglass coverage expanding soon.)
posted:
9.20.07
filed under:
- celebrities
- eyewear

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