Magnificent Bastard

Thursday, July 31, 2014

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Top 7 Ways to Golf Like a Total Toolbag

1.

Dress like a toolbag

See also, Top 10 Ways to Look Like a Total Toolbag

2.

Take a cart

Mixing in a salad and walking 18 holes could really help you out, fatty.

3.

Stand behind a player while he's putting

If you got a little closer you'd have an even better look at the line.

4.

Eat sunflower seeds

Leave these for the next time you're in a dugout.

5.

Be loud

You made a 12-footer for par. That's terrific. Now act like you've done it before.

6.

Use a rangefinder

"It's 144 to carry the water, 152 to the hole, 163 to rear bunker." Dude, if you were that good you'd be on a tour.

7.

Use a cellphone

The POTUS cut his round short rather than use on-course communications before the raid on Osama Bin Laden. You think that call from your wife can wait a few hours?

POURCAST

BETA

Vesper

  • 2 oz gin
  • 1 oz vodka
  • 1/2 oz Lillet Blonde (Blanc)

Lightly shake, or aggressively stir, ingredients with ice, pour into chilled martini glass. Garnish with lemon twist or a blonde.


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