Magnificent Bastard

Saturday, October 25, 2014

underwear

Show Us Your Game Face, Dude! Yoko Ono Lightbulb Bra

Show Us Your Game Face, Dude! Yoko Ono Lightbulb Bra

Imagine there's no giant zany clown hand grabbing your package, it's easy if you try? No, we don't think so. To keep a straight face while wearing this outfit by Yoko Ono, you've got to be a true pro. Well done, male model!

As for Yoko Ono, we can officially say that breaking up the Beatles is only the second greatest aesthetic travesty she has perpetrated in her life. The first is the clothing collection in which the Lightbulb Bra appears. Produced in collaboration with Opening Ceremony, and initially offered in "limited-edition" quantities in November 2012, it remains unsurprisingly resistant to purchase, even at 50 percent off.

Thanks to reader David Blackett, who pointed us toward the collection and earned a 4-pack of Disposable Letterpress Beverage Shields for his efforts.

Have you seen a candidate for Show Us Your Game Face, Dude!? Send a note to editor@magnificentbastard.com and if we use it on-air we'll send you some Beverage Shields too.

Monday Morning Quarterback Week 16

Monday Morning Quarterback Week 16

It's Week 4 of Monday Morning Quarterback, a feature that combines our love of chronic traumatic encephalopathy-inducing bloodsport (aka, the NFL) with our passion for style.

Each week we break down the postgame press conference film and pick the best and worst-performing quarterbacks from around the league. We take their actual Passer Rating, multiply it by the proprietary Magnificent Bastard Dresser Rating, to arrive at their Total Magnificent Bastard Quarterback Rating.

Geno Smith

Passer Rating: 91.7

Dresser Rating: 87.3

Total Magnificent Bastard Quarterback Rating: 80.1

Last week, a rookie overaccessorization mistake. This week, Smith shows veterans the right way to go casual and make it work, and is the MB Player of the Week.

Tony Romo

PR: 98.7

DR: 41.1

TMBQBR: 40.6

Once again Romo had a costly pick, but saved it for the postgame presser. MB tip: only go deep into the ear canal when there's blown TV coverage. As for the dresser rating, the non-throwing arm at this angle should expose a wide-open shirt cuff.

Kellen Clemens

PR: 99.6

DR: 29.3

TMBQBR: 29.2

When you're 6'2" and 220 lbs., it's not easy finding a shirt that looks at least two sizes too big for you. We encourage the Rams QB to stop shopping JC Penney's Husky Linemen section and get into something a little more fitted.

Matt Flynn

PR: 69.6

DR: 23.6

TMBQBR: 16.4

With his red union suit and sad, shell-shocked gaze, back-up Matt Flynn looks like a nine-year-old on Christmas morning slowly coming to grips with the fact that he's going to go at least one more year without a BB gun.

Matt Cassell

PR: 32.6

DR: 36.8

TMBQBR: 12.0

As the week's lowest-rated passer, we applaud Cassell's instinct to look inconspicuous. However, we think his Week 14 beanie, pulled completely over his face, 7-Eleven robbery style, would have been more effective than his baseball cap disguise.

Andrew Luck

PR: 96.8

DR: 0.0

TMBQBR: 0.0

We suppose if your last name is Luck, it's inevitable that you develop superstitions, and after a month of MMQB, it's clear what Luck's post-game ritual is: Skip the showers; hit the presser wearing lucky performance T; make a face like the Geico caveman. It's not the strangest superstition we've ever heard of, but it's certainly a contender for the least stylish.

Earlier: Andrew Luck Looks Like Geico Caveman, Only Worse-Dressed

Ask the MB: Kickstarter Underwear

What American men need now: Grocery lists on their wrists
What American men need now: Grocery lists on their wrists
Q: I was randomly looking through Kickstarter today and saw this: American-made, American-grown underwear. What do you think?
—Brian in Seattle


A: In a world where over 56,000 people have pledged over $8.3 million for a clunky wrist device that looks like a Swatch humped a Skycaddie, you'd think American-made (and American-grown, as you astutely point out) undies would generate at least, say, half a mil, right?

No, but a still-impressive $163K has been pledged for Jake Bronstein's Flint and Tinder to make classic briefs, straight-leg boxers, and boxer-briefs at a California clothing factory powered partially by the sun.

While we're opposed to boxer-briefs with leg bands, and "tighty whities" violate our guidelines on testicle-constricting underwear, the boxers look worth the modest investment. We're in.

Earlier: The Magnificent Bastard Underwear Guide

Ask the MB: Ginch Gonch

Ginch Gonch 'I Love Bacon' Sleep Pants via ginchgonch.com, $39.00
Ginch Gonch 'I Love Bacon' Sleep Pants via ginchgonch.com. $39.00.
Q: Considering Ginch Gonch. How much fun can underwear be?
--Eric


A: We don't remember wearing underwear this brightly colored (or legible) since 1st grade, when we didn't have much say in the matter. With names like "Thick n' Meaty," "London Ballin'," "Mighty Muscle," and "Tiger's Wood," we get the strong sense the GG marketing department may be overcompensating for something. However, we'd definitely consider the bacon sleep pants because everyone knows that everything -- including sleep pants -- is better with bacon.

SEE ALSO: The Magnificent Bastard Underwear Guide with exclusive testicle constriction rating.

New Tool in the Toolbag's Toolbag: Mirdles

New Tool in the Toolbag's Toolbag: Mirdles
The mirdle. We are not opposed to paying $78 for a t-shirt. But not for one that performs the Heimlich Maneuver on us for hours at a time. If we wanted to be held that closely, we'd spend more time picking up women with abandonment issues.

Ask the MB

Ask the MB
Q: Dear MB: I have made the undies switch from cotton boxers to low cut boxer briefs (which i will refer to as "boy shorts"). I know the ladies and my balls love it but was this the right move?
—Graham


A: We can't vouch for your ladies, but are you sure your balls love 'em? Now it's like they're strapped into a seatbelt, and you're only driving on the conveyor belt in a carwash. Regardless, your question prompted us to do one of our favorite things: create a pseudo-scientific chart. We've concluded there is a direct correlation between underwear style value and testicle constriction:


underwear guide

Ask the MB

Roberto Cavalli Leopard Print Boxers via YOOX, $90.00
Roberto Cavalli Leopard Print Boxers via YOOX. $90.00.
Q: Let me tell you - the white shirt approach (with good tan for bonus points), combined with the blue suit / black belt & shoes have been instrumental in pulling down the play (euphemism for "chicks" —ed.).

Today's question: the play is sending me this weekend's picks from Victoria Secret – (Pink Satin Baby Dolls) and inquiring on my style of undergarments. Help! Don't want to get into the boxer / brief debate and there is no way I'll be caught in anything that looks like a Speedo, but need official MB guidance – what about silk boxers? The activities of this weekend could be in jeopardy if I'm not wearing the correct uniform for the game.
—Tom


A: Tom, if we can take any credit in getting you some action, well, it's perhaps the highest form of praise. Now regarding your underwear selection, let's be clear about what's happening here: The "play" is sending you links to Victoria's Secret Pink Satin Baby Dolls. It doesn't matter whether you're in boxers, briefs, a g-string, or even this Cavalli leopard print, she's into you and you cannot possibly fuck it up.

POURCAST

BETA

Boulevardier

  • 1 1/2 oz bourbon
  • 1 oz Campari
  • 1 oz sweet vermouth, preferably Carpano Antica

Stir over ice, strain into a chilled cocktail glass, and garnish with a cherry.


In-Depth Boulevardier Coverage:

MB Holiday Cocktail Guide

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