Magnificent Bastard

Thursday, July 31, 2014

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Top 10 Ways to Look Like a Total Toolbag

Let's all try and avoid these devastating fashion faux pas.

backwards baseball cap
1.

backwards
baseball hat

Do you play catcher for a major league ball club? Minor league? Local softball team? No? Then don't do this.


oakley blades
2.

oakley blades

Your Tour de France riding days are over, pal.


bluetooth headset
3.

bluetooth headset

1. Trust us, you're not that important.
2. You're now just one-degree removed from Lando Calrissian's bald android assistant.


gold necklace
4.

gold necklace

Rap moguls, NBA stars, and Mr. T excluded. Some white guy from the 'burbs, nuh uh.


tommy bahama shirt
5.

tommy bahama shirt

When in Hawaii, this is OK. In the upper 49, toolbag.


national review magazine
6.

national review magazine

In close association with bad style, bad politics.


belt-clipped cellphone
7.

belt-clipped cell phone

Scream "I am a middle manager!" a little louder. The guy across the street didn't hear you.


8.

"cause" wristband

Exceptions made if you or immediate family member is battling various wristband maladies. Otherwise, grab a scissors.


over-the-knee, double-pleated shorts
9.

over-the-knee, double-pleated shorts

Two things wrong here:
1. 4 pleats.
2. Over the knee.


crocs
10.

crocs

The Zubaz of the '00s. Here's a good rule to live by: Never wear the same shoes as your 5-year-old nephew.

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Combine over ice, stir for 30 seconds, then pour into a martini glass.


In-Depth Last Word Coverage:

The Glass is Always Greener: An MB Guide to St. Patrick's Day Cocktails

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