Magnificent Bastard

Monday, November 24, 2014

ask the MB

Ask the MB: Tie with Gingham Shirt and Navy Suit

Why Knottery?
Why Knottery?

Q: Hey MB. I'm going to a wedding next week; I was planning on wearing a navy Hardy Amies suit with a (Deo Veritas) dark lavender gingham shirt, black shoes and no-show socks. Would you give me some tie recommendations? I have been waiting for your summer tie but was thinking maybe a solid lavender tie might do in its place. Thanks so much for all your advice. Seriously.
—Cristian

A: With your Hardy Amies suit and Deo Veritas shirt, we suspect you're already going to be better dressed than the groom, and possibly the bride. That said, you don't want to outshine them too much — it's their day to be in the spotlight.

Thus, we are going to suggest something fairly low-key: A solid knit tie in burgundy. With a dark lavender gingham shirt, you're already making a statement — so you don't need a patterned tie adding yet another loud voice to the conversation happening on your chest. The tie we're envisioning weighs in silently but noticeably, with its rough texture and complementary shade adding visual contrast in a subtle but intriguing way. We predict that bridesmaids will be fondling your neckwear all day.

Now here's the thing about knit ties: The industry standard is to circumcise them and leave a flat edge at the bottom, and starve them to boot. DO NOT GET A SKINNY CIRCUMCISED TIE! (Yes, for the record, that is the first time we've ever used all-caps on this site.) You need a tie with a pointed end, and it must be at least 3 inches wide.

We looked around for a tie with these specs, and stumbled upon an online store called The Knottery. The name gives us pause, and so does the price point of their ties — just $35. These ties are probably not made in the U.S. — you'll need to spend at least $45 for that. But the Knottery's merchandise has gotten positive press from GQ, Esquire, Kempt, and many others. So we encourage you to take a chance on this burgundy knit. It fits our specs — pointed end, 3.25 inches wide, 100 percent silk — and you can apply the money you save on it toward a wedding gift. Give our best to the bride and groom!


Ask the MB: Shirt Buttoning Rules

Ask the MB: Shirt Buttoning Rules

Q: A lot of fellas are buttoning their collars all the way to the top these days, was just wondering your take & if the old MB shirt buttoning rules still apply. Just received my chocolate sandwich cookie cashmere belt btw, my waist is happy.
—Andre

A: Our goal here is style, not fashion. And style is ultimately about ... math. Ratios, angles, golden means, etc. In other words, good rules for style aren't just rules. They're laws, as immutable as anything Sir Isaac Newton ever put down in his Philosophiae Naturalis Principia Mathematica.

So our take on buttons remains the same as always. For polos, N - 2.

When you're wearing a buttondown with a jacket and tie, button all the way to the top. If you take off your jacket, then ask yourself What Would Newman Do? The answer: Unbutton your top button and loosen your tie.

If you're wearing a sports shirt, there is no simple rule of thumb, because the answer depends on multiple sartorial and biological factors, including collar size, button spacing, and chest follicle density. See this post for elaboration, but in general, we encourage restraint. Just as you never want to go full Grimley, you also never want to go full Cowell. And even Newman himself can misstep when he starts heading in the latter direction.

Finally, we're glad to hear you like your belt. Thanks for your patronage.


Ask the MB: Is it Time for the Apple Watch?

Ask the MB: Is it Time for the Apple Watch?

Q: http://www.apple.com/watch/ ???
—Ben

A: As loyal readers know, we are suckers for a senseless lack of utility. And a timepiece that can't make it on its own from dawn until dawn surely qualifies as that. In addition to its presumably short battery life, the Apple Watch will use wireless charging — which introduces even more paraphernalia to the mix. As we understand it, to fully use an Apple Watch, you need an iPhone, the Watch's wireless charger, and, say, a Timex, to determine how many minutes until your Apple Watch runs down and to keep track of the time while it's juicing up again.

All told, that's not a "watch" — it's a time-telling system almost as technologically clunky as our beloved Geochron.

And yet here's the issue as we see it: The Apple Watch starts at just $349. And even the higher-end versions aren't likely to be that expensive — the Business of Fashion predicts a price point of around $1000 for the 18-karat gold model. In the realm of luxury timepieces, this qualifies as "sensibly affordable." And the $349 Apple Watch is downright cheap.

Throughout its history, Apple has always functioned as much as a fashion company as a technology company. (When it was designing its breakthrough product, the Apple II, co-founder Steve Jobs couldn't find a shade of beige for its case that pleased his discerning eye — even though the vendor he was working with offered 2000 choices.) Now, with the Apple Watch, it's leaving technology almost entirely behind and attempting to disrupt bling. For the $10,000 or so you might pay for a used, lightly scratched Submariner, you can get Apple Watches in a couple dozen different varieties. Or to put it another way, the 21st century finally has a Swatch to call its own.

In short order, these things are going to be ubiquitous, and that's why we want no part of them. At least until we've turned Pourcast into an app that sends you an alert every time you step within 100 feet of a bar stocked with all the ingredients that a Magnificent Bastard cocktail requires. Alas, unless someone invents a watch that magically adds a few extra hours to each day, that's still a ways down the road.


Ask the MB: A Stand-In for the J. Fold Trooper Weekend Bag

Scout Series Navy Duffle via Wheelman & Co., $159.00
Scout Series Navy Duffle via Wheelman & Co.. $159.00.

Q: I am looking for a cool weekender bag with good organization. I found the perfect one in the J. Fold Trooper bag, but unfortunately it appears to have been discontinued as I can't find it anywhere. Do you know of anything comparable I should consider?
—Eric

A: We are sad to hear the Trooper bag no longer appears to be in production — we continue to use ours often and four years down the line it is holding up well.

The Trooper had a fairly distinct profile that was based on standard-issue Soviet military bags from the 1960s and 1970s. Alas, in a quick survey of our favorite bag manufacturers, we were unable to find any offerings that closely approximate the Trooper's doctor's bag-like shape in weekender-style dimensions and materials.

Of what we did see, we were most intrigued by this Scout Series Navy Duffle from Wheelmen & Co., which strikes us as a nice combination of durability and modestly understated style. The overall shape is more conventional than the Trooper, but the volume is essentially the same and we suspect the Scout is easy to pack. Silver hardware is always our first choice over the far more ubiquitous brass, and while there are no photos of the bag's interior, we like the sound of it. Multiple pockets (including one zippered) and orange lining (presumably bright) to make it easier to ID small loose items in dim conditions.

So until Putin annexes the U.S. and commands J. Fold to start making Troopers again, we encourage you to consider the Scout. And if you do go ahead and purchase it, let us know what you think.


Ask the MB: Reversible Belts

W.KLEINBERG Ostrich/Croc Reversible Belt, Navy/Brown via Bergdorf Goodman, $374.00
W.KLEINBERG Ostrich/Croc Reversible Belt, Navy/Brown via Bergdorf Goodman. $374.00.

Q: Wondering what you think about reversible belts like this croc/ostrich one — toolbag gimmick or useful wardrobe expansion technique? Also, that buckle looks strangely familiar.
—Jim

A: At first glance, a belt that efficiently moonlights as another belt might seem to violate the principle of senseless lack of utility. In this case, though, the utility manifests itself in the realm of style. That is to say, a reversible belt doesn't make any claim to hold up your pants better, or provide some other practical benefit. It just multiplies the possibilities of looking magnificent. And that's the kind of utility we can embrace. In fact, we have plans to someday release a reversible belt ourselves.

Nonetheless, while we conceptually endorse reversible belts, there's still the matter of execution. Regarding the belt you've got your eye on, we love the Caiman crocodile side. But we think the full-quill ostrich side should probably bury its head in the sand. In other words, we'd approach this one as a strictly one-sided belt if we were to incorporate it into our wardrobe.

Finally, yes, that buckle does look familiar. Same one we use on our cashmere belts. Good eye!


Ask the MB: Novelty Cufflinks

Ask the MB: Novelty Cufflinks

Q: Hi, MB! What do you think of novelty cufflinks?

Your fan,

Deb

A: We're not unconditionally opposed to novelty cufflinks. But we are somewhat baffled by the current state of the market. The last time we posted about this — in 2007 — we advised a reader to steer clear of skulls. Seven years later, that prohibition still stands. And from what we can see, you are going to have to do an awful lot of steering — the cufflinks sections on the websites of most major retailers look like the Crypt of the Sepulchral Lamp remixed by Hot Topic. (Seriously, when did skulls start accessorizing so heavily?)

Skulls with crowns
Skulls with ballcaps
Skulls with sunglasses
Skulls with bow ties
Skulls w/ headphones
Skulls with blackface
Skulls with mustaches
Skulls with mohawks

Has the Day of the Dead introduced a more formal dress code? While we understand that cufflinks offer a man a chance to signal his sense of style in a understated over-the-top way, and even encourage that, we're a little alarmed by this massive proliferation of skulls. A cufflink is not as permanent as a tattoo, but that shouldn't give you license to turn your sleeve into a black metal album cover from 1993.

Our advice: Stick with novelty cufflinks that allude to an interest in MB-approved pastimes like golf, tennis, sailing, skiing, or eating lobster. And even with those we have some caveats:

MB-Approved Novelty Cufflink Novelty Cufflink Caveat

Golf-related

Must have a USGA handicap index of 5.0 or lower.


Tennis-related

Must have a USTA rating of 5.0 or higher.


Skiing-related

Must have a ski level of 8 or higher.


Sailboat-related

Must own one of at least 28 feet.


Lobster-related

You're hungry, but you don't eat like a toolbag.


Ask the MB: Walter White's Eyeglasses in Breaking Bad

Ask the MB: Walter White's Eyeglasses in <em>Breaking Bad</em>

Q: I've find this website on Google and, let me tell you, I admire what you do. I've always searched a website that knew how to recognize the brands of sunglasses, eyeglasses or wardrobe. Really Good! So, I'm asking you if is it possible to recognize the brand and the model of the eyeglasses wore by Bryan Cranston in Breaking Bad as Walter White. I'm not talking about the last frame he used (which is Republica - Montreal) but the classic iconic metal frame that he wore in the entire series. I know they're safety because they have some hooks in the temples which are required because of side shields but I can't figure it out what brand are they, I'm really becoming mad searching that frame. Hope you could be helpful for me. Thanks.
—Carlo

A: Carlo: What's worse? Going mad or wearing glasses that make you look like a middle-aged high school chemistry teacher? (Or a middle-aged high school algebra teacher? See our earlier post on GQ Creative Director Jim Moore's questionable eyewear decisionmaking.)

We'll let you decide.

Meanwhile, as you ponder that, we're going to hit you with what will likely be disappointing news: We have sought input from all our usual eyewear sources and yet are unable to come up with a definitive ID.

We can tell you that the frames Cranston wears in Breaking Bad are pretty close to these B.M.E.C. Big Mens Sam Eyeglasses. In fact, some people believe these are what Cranston is wearing.

We think the nose pads are different, so close but no meth pipe. And frankly with a frame this generic it is ultimately going to be almost impossible to make a case for any brand that goes beyond a reasonable doubt. If you really feel you need verification before making a purchase, we suggest you figure out how to contact the show's propmaster. That's what we'd do if we really wanted to identify a specific product and the world's most authoritative men's style website left us hanging.


Ask the MB: Shoes for Long Walks in the Woods

#17 at Minocqua Country Club, where we're fortunate enough to be playing this weekend, in between loafing and drinking.
#17 at Minocqua Country Club, where we're fortunate enough to be playing this weekend, in between loafing and drinking.

Q: Can you recommend a good shoe to take for an extended walk in the woods? I don't eat near enough Nature Valley bars to feel comfortable even trying on anything from Patagonia or Merrell.

Also, is there anything I simply must add to my summer reading list? Your past recommendations have only done me good.
—Donnie

A: Donnie, our only extended time* spent in the woods is either:

a. hitting recovery shots back to the fairway, or

b. tree skiing at Deer Valley

These activities involve wearing golf shoes or ski boots, neither of which we can confidently recommend for extended walks in the woods. Sorry.

As for the summer reading list here are three recommendations, one for each of our three favorite things: Golf, Leisure, and Cocktailing.

GOLF
Every Shot Counts
"Moneyball" for golf that changes the way you look at the game, how you practice, and how you play.




LEISURE
How to Be Idle
A collection of essays celebrating naps, taking a sick day, daytime drinking, and many other joys of life.




COCKTAILING
The Modern Drunkard
The Bible for drunks, in seven short chapters, each of which you can finish in the time it takes to consume a cocktail (this makes for a highly enjoyable sitting).



* Late last fall we took a short hunting trip to Jackson Hole — where we wore boots — and got the surprise of our lives. Much more on this adventure soon.


Ask the MB: Any Summer Wedding Ties?

Ask the MB: Any Summer Wedding Ties?

Q: Hey guys, was wondering if there's a new tie stock coming to the shop? Something for the in-coming wedding season.

Also Allen Edmonds is now offering made-to-order golf-soles on some of their shoes if you wanted a golfing McAllister. Thanks.
—D. Holden

A: While our design and procurement processes remain somewhat "artisinal" — i.e., we are still a little too apt to negotiate with Shengzen factory reps when we've spent the afternoon testing Pourcast — we are slowly mastering the dark arts of product development and do indeed have some new things on the way. Including a tie that we believe will work well at weddings, bar mitzvahs, and funerals of those you loved very, very dearly. However, because of the artwork that will be featured on this tie's tipping — see image — we don't recommend wearing it if you're the groom. (Why start your honeymoon with a jealous wife?)

These ties will feature a bold heart-to-sword regimental stripe and are made of raw silk — perfect for spring, summer, and temperate climates throughout the year. The prototypes are done, so they should be in stock within a matter of weeks. Check back often.

Now, on to the golfing McAllisters. If we were stuck in jury duty in a courtroom with enough room to practice our chipping, we would definitely consider these. They are a handsome shoe — but given that we we find ourselves wearing sneakerized footwear even in places where we might have worn lace-up oxford dress shoes (court appearances, board meetings, IRS audits), we can't really imagine wearing lace-up oxfords on fairways, even if they have the sole for it.

Our current favorite golf shoes are these Puma Clydes, which deliver sporty style but maintain a comfortable distance from Ricky Fowler territory. We recommend them in Castlerock. But at the prices you can currently get them at Amazon — approximately $30 to $45 a pair, depending on color and size — you can buy a different color for every day of the week and still spend less than you would on a single pair of the the McAllisters.

Related: Top 7 Ways to Golf Like a Total Toolbag


Ask the MB: Gear and Clothing in Las Vegas. Hunter Thompson's Sunglasses.

Ask the MB: Gear and Clothing in Las Vegas. Hunter Thompson's Sunglasses.

Q: Hi. In the Allyn Scura Eyewear Challenge, what kind of sunglasses is Hunter S. Thompson wearing? Thanks!
—MP

As you may know, the portrait of Hunter Thompson that we used in our Eyewear Challenge comes from the cover of his 1979 collection of magazine reportage, The Great Shark Hunt. So that's one place you can get a "copy" of those sunglasses, but it can be pretty expensive — a signed version is currently on sale at Ebay for $5000. Also, it would be hard to wear.

Luckily, the sunglasses themselves — the "Davos" model, produced by the German company Rodenstock from 1974 to 1979 — can be had more cheaply. Here, for example, is a mint-condition pair, complete with what looks to be an alligator leather carrying case, for $240 plus shipping.

Our advice for you? We'll quote HST himself: "Buy the ticket, take the ride." Wherever those glasses take you, we suspect there'll be no looking back once you put them on.

(UPDATE: Our correspondent quickly took our advice and snapped up these sunglasses. Thus, the preceding link now routes you to a cached page.)


Ask the MB: A Leather Laptop Bag That's Suitable for Travel

Ask the MB: A Leather Laptop Bag That's Suitable for Travel

Q: First off - thanks a lot for all the tips!! Great stuff!!

I am out hunting for a great laptop bag in the under-$500 region. I really like the looks of the Billykirk schoolboy satchel, but it doesn't serve my purpose since I fly a lot for work, and the lack of any zippers and additional pockets makes it painful. Could you provide me with a few MB recommendations for a laptop (13 inch laptop and an iPad) bag which is also utility focused (a couple of zippered pockets, no belt buckles - takes too long at the airport, has a strap to attach to a stroller handle). Also I would like it to be sleek (I don't care for laptop padding - don't like the bulk) and would prefer it not being made with nylon. I wear open collar suits to work and am 26, so I would prefer it not being too college like but also not something my dad would use.

I know its a lot of requirements. Is there anything out there?
—TJ

A: If there's one domain where a senseless lack of utility loses a little bit of its gravitational pull on our hearts, it's airports. Translation: Sure, we get that you need fewer buckles and more pockets than the Schoolboy has to offer when, say, you're trying to make a connection at O'Hare.

For business travel luggage, we like Mandarina Duck. Much of its product incorporates nylon and other synthetics — but note that we're talking Italian synthetics here, and "avant-garde" synthetics at that.

For your purposes, we're going to point you toward the Sistema Workbag. A mix of leather, cotton, and polyurethane, it's as functional as it is sleek — lightweight, compact, but spacious enough for your electronics, with a suitably sub-divided main compartment and an exterior pocket as well.

Taking its aesthetic cues from 80s-era post-modern design, it has nary a whiff of the Ivy League or Dad's study about it. But it will continue to deliver timeless on-the-go style in today's airports, tomorrow's airports, and probably in whatever the 22nd century's architects dream up too.

At only $219, it's well under your price range — but that just mean you'll have more to spend on drinks and car service on your next trip.

Earlier: Ask the MB: Leather Bag for 21-Year-Old's Birthday


Challenge the MB: 3-Button vs. 2-Button Suit Jackets and Blazers

Challenge the MB: 3-Button vs. 2-Button Suit Jackets and Blazers

First I must say I am a great fan of your writing, and I am delighted to find you back.

With that said, I feel compelled to respond to your 3-button / 2-button post of February 18, 2014. I must politely disagree with your conclusion that the 2-button suit shows more class than 3-button.

If you scroll down the Kennedy-Nixon photo in your post so that only the suits are seen (removing the influence of the photogenic Kennedy and the smarmy Nixon), I think it is undeniable that the 3-button suit is more likely to belong to a higher-status individual than the 2-button. Nixon's 3-button could easily be a bank president, while Kennedy's 2-button (with Kennedy removed) could just as easily be the owner of a car dealership or the president of the local Rotary. Replace Kennedy's pocket square with a couple of cigars and you have Rodney Dangerfield in Caddyshack. Not so with the 3-button.

For the record, I am a committed 2-button man. It suits my build, I like the look, and I feel like James Bond when I'm fitted out in a British-silhouette 2-button. The 3-button has always reminded me of a lab coat. These personal distinctions may result from my early 1960s childhood, when the young and fashionable sported 2-buttons (such as Kennedy, later the Rat Pack) and old men and fuddy-duddies the 3s. But that was BF for me (Before Fussell, who, by the way, I have MB to thank for introducing me), and now I notice and interpret things differently. While I am not arguing Fussell's infallibility, I think the 'proleness' of the 2-button is evident in the way the V broadens the shoulders in the same way as (Fussell points out) do epaulettes, emphasizing strength and, thereby, physical labor. The 3-button wearer in the photo appears never to have done a day of physical labor in his life, and I believe that is the intent.

Even your example of Todd Palin works against your argument, I think: Palin is a physical laborer and could model a 2-button to advantage, yet he dresses (or is being styled) to appear higher-classed. (Forget Ahmadinejad, of course; he looks like he gets his clothes at a rummage sale.)

I am glad to finally get this off my mind, as I had been dwelling on it (and particularly because I had learned about Fussell through your site and have been greatly influenced by him). I have also long intended to write to tell you how much I enjoy your blog. And I absolutely love the new logo. Keep up the great work!
—Paul

A: We welcome reasoned dissent from our readers and it's clear you've given this topic a lot of consideration — we especially admire how you use Fussell's observations regarding epaulettes against us! That hurts. But to continue the discourse, here is a thought: If a 2-button jacket is working correctly, it doesn't merely broaden the shoulders (as we agree epaulettes do). It reinforces the overall V-shape of one's torso, which is to say, it broadens the shoulders while narrowing the waist.

The sort of hard labor that creates this shape, in our experience, is many hours at the gym, many hours in the pool, or perhaps if you have very good genes and disciplined eating habits, many hours on fairways or polo fields. It is a look, in short, that comes from (moneyed) recreation rather than full-time bricklaying or ditch-digging, which tends to create a thicker, lumpier, less elongated look.

As for Todd Palin, we agree with your analysis — he no doubt turns to 3-button suits because Frank Luntz (or some other top-notch GOP campaign consultant) has determined through extensive focus-group testing that small-town conservatives of a certain age equate 3-button jackets with bankers, brokers, and other corporate nine-to-fivers maintaining the lower rungs of the top quintile.

But who, other than Todd Palin's wife, Jeb Bush, Ted Cruz, and Chris Christie want to win that vote? Not us, and not you! As we think Fussell would agree, there's a difference between what a prole thinks an upper looks like, and what an upper looks like. In this case, the difference is as subtle as a single button. But as you have found out from your own experience, that single button (or lack of it) makes all the difference in the world. Keep wearing 2-button jackets, and keep challenging us to think more deeply about the choices we make. We appreciate the feedback!


Ask the MB: Penny Loafers

Top: Original Weejuns. Bottom: Ferragamo Twist
Top: Original Weejuns. Bottom: Ferragamo Twist

Q: I'm getting some Penny Loafers. Which would the MB stand behind? These Rancourt & Co. Beefrolls, these Prada, or these Allen Edmonds? I like the Pradas the best, but you know, they're $650.
—Zach

A: As you probably know, George Henry Bass created the original penny loafer, aka the Bass Weejun, in 1936. Since you haven't included the Weejun as one of your potential choices, we assume you're hoping to find a shoe that puts a twist on this menswear staple. That's a good instinct, but to our eye, your choices are still a little too Old Footwear — even the Prada with its "high-shine leather" and the stylized orifice of its penny keeper still looks fairly traditional.

So we think you should double down on your seeming desire for a twist and go for something even more different than the archetypal penny loafer. While we aren't huge penny loafer fans, there are some things about them that appeal to us. Namely, no laces and no buckles. They are, at heart, a casual shoe, and perfect for those tough mornings-after when a shoe with laces just feels too complicated to operate — you don't even need hands to put on a pair of penny loafers.

Thus, when you're looking for a twist, we encourage you to focus on the "loafing" aspect of penny loafers. The thick crepe sole on this pair of penny loafers from our friends at Oak Street Bootmakers make us want to nestle into a bean bag while our old lady refills our hash pipe. And these sneakerized penny loafers from Salvatore Ferragamo look both comfortable enough to get a heart surgeon through a 12-hour transplant and yet simultaneously sporty enough to propel us to a relatively painless six-minute mile.


Ask the MB: Spring Blue Blazer

Ask the MB: Spring Blue Blazer

Q: MB, ran across this while waiting for a cut this morning. Got me thinking of getting a spring blazer. Love the blazer and the look. Found this at J. Crew this afternoon.

2.5" lapels but it's only $171 this week with a 25% discount. Lapels too narrow?
—Eric

A: Are you trolling us? On the very day we lament the unfortunate Ludlowization of the suit market, you send us a link to a J. Crew blazer that bears the mark of the beast!

For the most part, we think you are showing the right instincts. An unconstructed, patch-pocketed blue blazer is an essential item in any man's wardrobe. And we like the cut and color of Brûlé's blazer, even if we're somewhat wary that it violates our prohibition against garments where linen retains a majority ownership stake in the blend.

But you already seem to know one of the big problems with that J. Crew blazer. Its lapels are so skinny they could have served as Matthew McConaughey's body double in Dallas Buyer's Club. We're also not crazy about its tint. The blue of Brûlé's jacket has a natural organic depth to it. The Crew version has a slightly electrified sheen that makes us think of Chris Kattan and Will Ferrell dancing the night away.

The overall impact? Even J. Crew's model is desperately trying to claw his way out of that Ludlow! Look at the poor guy's fingernails.

Our recommendation: Spend a little more than you were perhaps hoping to spend, and get into this blazer from Z Zegna — assuming it's the right size for you. If it's not, keep looking for something with wider lapels and a subtler shading. The gratification you feel when getting a great deal lasts for a moment. The gratification you get from wearing exactly what you want to be wearing lasts much longer.


Ask the MB: Where is the Best Place to Buy a Suit?

This Prada suit costs less than a J. Crew Ludlow
This Prada suit costs less than a J. Crew Ludlow

Q: Where is the best place to get a men's suit? Budget is 1K max.
—Jessica

A: As longtime readers know, our favorite place for suit shopping is yoox.com, a Milan-based e-commerce site. Three days ago, The Telegraph called it "the Amazon of the fashion world."

At Yoox, you will find loads of stylish, Italian-made suits for as cheap as a couple hundred bucks. And here's the best part: the site's vast selection and 100-country reach means that your guy will be the only man within his zip code — or maybe even his time zone — wearing whatever suit you choose.

This is in stark contrast to what we perceive as the Ludlowization of the young, upwardly mobile professional suit market — named after J.Crew's increasingly ubiquitous invasive species. The popularity of the Ludlow eludes us. Why spend $700 on a made-in-China suit with prop buttons and anemic lapels when you can buy Prada, Piombo, or Martin Margiela for less? Pick up one of these, and you'll have more than enough left over to add a tie from our store to your shopping list.


Ask the MB: Pool and Beach Footwear

Ask the MB: Pool and Beach Footwear

Q: Hey MB: Headed to Miami and Key West next week and need footwear for the beach and pool. That sounds easy but I struggle with open-toe and also need arch support. I've tried OluKai, Sanuk, and I am embarrassed to say, Teva. None have worked out. Any ideas?
—John

A: A Google search for "stylish orthopedic closed toe sandals" returns zero results.

But we have a couple of suggestions.

First, try to find a pair of Converse All-Star Chuck It mesh slip-ons on eBay. Arguably Converse's greatest contribution to footwear since the All-Star high-top in 1917, these are our all-time favorite beach/pool shoes. Sporty, light, submersible as a Triton 100, quick-drying, comfortable, and oddly enough, boasting better arch support than the traditional All-Stars provide. Unfortunately, Converse hasn't produced them since 2010, which is why you'll have to hunt for new old stock on eBay.

Second, since you're headed to Florida but stressing over arch support, we assume you're not going there for Spring Break — you sound like someone who is probably a little more seasoned than a college student, and presumably a little more well-heeled (and simultaneously weak-arched). So we think you probably have the means to invest in these Prada espadrille sneakers. While you won't be able to swim in them, they've got an insert, so are far more comfortable than most espadrilles that are set on a flat jute slab. And they will give you all the support your arches need no matter how heated things get on the shuffleboard court. Enjoy your vacation!


Ask the MB: Watch Bracelets and Straps

Ask the MB: Watch Bracelets and Straps

Q: I'm so glad to see you guys back and actively posting again. You all are hilarious!

I recently got my first metal/bracelet watch, and I'm not sure how loose or tight to wear it. I generally wear my leather strap watches relatively snug, but I saw someone at work with a suit wearing their metal bracelet watch much lower. It looked pretty cool going along with the rest of the cuff game. I wanted to ask, is a low-slung watch MB, or just sloppy?
—Bill

A: We hate to disappoint a longtime reader, but you asked, and we can only offer our honest opinion. Even by its name — you tellingly called it a metal bracelet — your new acquisition falls into the category of jewelry. Check out our jewelry channel to see what we think about jewelry, but the short answer is that 95 percent of what we spend on jewelry is intended for some woman's neck, ears, or nipples.

As for wearing a metal bracelet loosely, our feeling is that this just compounds the error. We grant that such calculated sloppiness might be viewed as artful dishevelment, but for us it just conjures hazy but unpleasant memories of handcuffs. Our ultimate advice: Nip this metal bracelet phase in the bud and stick to your leather straps (organic materials principle). And while we're giving out watch-wearing advice, a reminder. Keep the watch case to 40mm or less.

Earlier: Big Watches Favored Primarily by Toolbags


Ask the MB: Shirt Pairing for the Buscemi Tie

The Buscemi
The Buscemi

Q: Hey MB! I'm going to buy your Buscemi tie tomorrow and wanted some simple advice. I was going to buy a shirt from Deo Veritas but was unsure what would go with that specific tie? I've been a longtime fan and always practice MB principles.

Thank you in advance,
—Jason

A: Much more so than our other ties, the Buscemi is a statement piece. Given the principle that the number of statement pieces per outfit should always be less-than or equal-to 1, the rest of your look should be quiet, a canvas on which the Buscemi's off-kilter charisma can shine.

In other words, we recommend it on a solid. But not just any solid. You want a distinctive play on texture here, pitting the yin of the tie's nubs against the yang of smooth, tightly-woven shirting. This leads us directly to the Thomas Mason broadcloths in white, baby blue, or light pink.

Be sure to opt for the sewn collar and mother of pearl buttons. It will add up to a fairly hefty $139, but it's 25% off through Feb. 28.

And take note re: the Buscemi. While we're having reinforcements made, there are just a few left from our initial production run. If you want to avoid delays, order it sooner rather than later.


Ask the MB: Advice for Older Men

Ask the MB: Advice for Older Men

Q: Dear MB: Although the site would appear to be geared to a different age scale; a few style pointers for those of us in our late 60's would be helpful as well. We too buy and care how we look.

Love your positioning on multiple levels.
—RJ

A: The core MB principles you've read about here — artful dishevelment, organic materials, and understatement to name a few — will serve you as well in your twilight years as they do in the glory of your youth. Stick to them unwaveringly.

Beyond that, the best advice we can give you and any other man in his 60s is to make sure you are standing safely between Giving Up (sweatpants, Hush Puppies, C-cup manboobs) and Trying Too Hard (Soul patches, concert tees, hoodies).

With age comes wisdom, and yet perhaps the most common mistake we see from men of a certain age involves their craniums.

If you've got hair issues, accept it gracefully. Paul McCartney is hitting the juice so hard these days, Ringo is finally the best-looking Beatle. That stuff on Gene Simmons' head looks durable, stain-proof, and capable of handling heavy foot traffic, but it doesn't look like hair.


MB Endorses: Vanities Fur Bow Tie

MB Endorses: Vanities Fur Bow Tie

As our archives can tell you, we don't necessarily think bow ties should be illegal or even heavily regulated. But we do think you should wear them only in certain situations, namely summer weddings and black tie.

That said, we love this beaver fur bow tie from Vanities. In general, bow ties aim to convey the wearer's unique sense of style in a playful, unexpected, and attention-getting way, usually by using bright colors and/or vivid patterns. This fur bow tie, however, is simultaneously over-the-top and engagingly understated.

Also, as we have counseled in the past, artful dishevelment is a must when it comes to bow ties. And this one has the artful dishevelment built right in.

Even on sale at Barney's Warehouse, it's a little pricey. But don't think of it as a $169 bow tie. Think of it as the only bow tie in the world that can credibly double as a luxury shaving brush.

EARLIER:
Ask the MB: Bow Ties Again
Ask the MB: Bow Ties
How To Tie a Bow Tie


Ask the MB: Is Paul Fussell Wrong on 2-Button vs. 3-Button Suits?

Ask the MB: Is Paul Fussell Wrong on 2-Button vs. 3-Button Suits?

Q: Page 60 of Paul Fussell's book Class, last paragraph 3rd line down states "the two-button suit is more prole than the three-button Eastern-establishment model."

Just wondering if I shouldn't listen to this part of the Bible due to your stance on the three-button suits, at least for the average size man. And keep wearing the two-button.

P.S. Rest in Peace Fussell. He was a God among not just men, but gentlemen.
—Jack

A: Last week, researchers in Tel Aviv determined that camels didn't exist in Israel until centuries after Abraham, Jacob, and Joseph lived — yet the Bible mentions camels more than 20 times.

The Bible Bible, that is. Not Class. But sometimes Fussell can be fallible too. Two-button suits elongate the torso, and elongated torsos have long been the grail of the American overclass. Which is why yoga studios per capita tracks so precisely with income per capita in the U.S. (We are totally making this up but are certain it is true.)

An elongated torso helps accentuate the natural V of a man's body, and as Tom Ford has suggested in the past, emphasizing that natural V is the key to a magnificent presence.

To see this principle in action, consider the classic portrait of John F. Kennedy and Richard Nixon above. JFK looks vital and commanding, the King of Camelot. Nixon looks stout, shifty, Nixonian.

So while our admiration for Fussell remains as strong as ever, our thoughts on two-button versus three-button are as fixed as the word of God on a stone tablet. Leave the three-buttons to Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Todd Palin, and Tricky Dick.


Ask the MB: Robert De Niro's Eyeglasses in American Hustle

Ask the MB: Robert De Niro's Eyeglasses in <em>American Hustle</em>

Q: Hi. You listed some of the American Hustle actors and the sunglasses they wore. Please, if you are able, add the make, model and size of Robert De Niro's glasses to the list. They are fantastic!
—William

A: Robert De Niro is wearing Ray Ban Wayfarers in American Hustle. You may have blanked on IDing this iconic frame because:

a. They're not immediately recognizable when used as eyeglasses, somewhat similar to how Christian Bale was as a fat, bald guy, and

b. Since Luxottica purchased Ray-Ban from Bausch & Lomb in 1999, they junked them up with logos on both temples and the right lens, as shown in the middle image above. This frame is the eyewear equivalent of a NASCAR vehicle.

The vintage models, like De Niro's and Tom Cruise's in Risky Business are clean. Get these. And don't hesitate to use them as eyeglasses. The only clear eyewear role reversal failure we've seen is GQ Style Editor Jim Moore putting clear lenses in a wire aviator.

Earlier:
What sunglasses is Bradley Cooper wearing in American Hustle?
Did Jim Moore get his glasses at our high school algebra teacher's garage sale?


Ask the MB: Has Selvedge Left the Building?

Ask the MB: Has Selvedge Left the Building?

Q: What are your thoughts on selvedge jeans?
—JD

A: We've been publishing for nearly 7 years, with over 1500 posts and dozens of features, and we've made a single passing reference to selvedge denim.

So you could say we've been indifferent.

Selvedge denim does score high on the MB principles of exclusivity and archaism — it's made on looms invented in the 18th century — yet we cannot abide or recommend wearing pants that get washed less frequently than the cast of Duck Dynasty.

If you're debating on whether to get into selvedge denim now, from our viewpoint it looks to be on the wrong side of the trend curve. In the October 2013 GQ style godfather Glenn O'Brien says, "What I think is changing is ... fanaticism for unwashed indigo." And the February 2014 Details (the one with Aaron Paul on the cover, p. 61) takes it further, arguing, "Trust us. Ultra light-wash denim is making a comeback."

We won't go that far. But we do think that rolled cuffs that expose the selvedges will eventually achieve the same cultural status as popped collars or side-swept hair. And we think that's going to happen sooner rather than later.


Ask the MB: Marcello Mastroianni's Glasses in 8 1/2

Ask the MB: Marcello Mastroianni's Glasses in <em>8 1/2</em>

Q: Hey MB: I'm looking for the spectacles Marcello Mastroianni is wearing in the movie 8 ½. Can't find them anywhere, neither the name of the brand. Any clue? Or any look-alikes? Thx in advance.
—Amir

A: Trying to identify the eyeglasses Marcello Mastroianni wore in 8 ½ is as challenging and inconclusive as the movie itself. The eyewear fetishists at styleforum have been trying to answer this question since 2008 and not only couldn't come to a satisfactory conclusion, they couldn't find a suitable substitute.

And what's with that? At a time when scientists are routinely cloning sheep and exploring the possibilities of bringing back the Pyrenean ibex, you'd think it'd be easy enough to resurrect a pair of extinct glasses, especially when the market is demanding it.

But we digress. Our best guess — with the help of Allyn Scura — is that MM's glasses are a Safilo frame from the early '60s. AS sometimes has it in stock, but unfortunately now is not one of those times. The closest they have at the moment is this French frame from the same era. Contact them if you're interested. And if we get more definitive info on this 50 year-old mystery, we'll post it here.


Ask the MB: What's the Right Way to Tie Shoelaces?

Ask the MB: What's the Right Way to Tie Shoelaces?

Q: At a cocktail party last night, an acquaintance pointed out that the lacing on my trusty oxfords was mismatched: the right shoe, straight bar (courtesy of the shoe shop) and the left, crisscross (courtesy of me). Before I correct this four-years-old case of absentmindedness, I thought I should consult MB. What is your recommendation for lacing methods, lace type and end length? (And just what is your thought on the bi-color lacing I see in the magazines?)
—Brian

There is a thin line between senseless lack of utility and trying too hard, and it can be found at Ian's Shoelace Site. While we admire attention to detail in unexpected places as much as anyone, we also have a thing for simplicity. Nine out of ten times we do Criss Cross or Display Shoe. With a dressier shoe we'll sometimes mix in Straight Bar, which requires a bit more effort for its streamlined effect but isn't so complicated that we suddenly feel like we're crocheting instead of getting dressed.

Specific lace types depend on the shoe, of course. We like natural laces (cotton, rawhide) over synthetic options, and stay away from any lace that's fat enough to qualify as a skinny tie.

Regarding end length, Professor Shoelace's obsession is instructive here. As his illustration suggests, a 10-inch end length leaves with you a fairly neat bow, and a 12-inch end length crosses into droopiness. For maximum artful dishevelment, we aim for 11 inches.

As for bi-color lacing, we classify that the same way we do dressing up for Halloween: Best left to children and chain-restaurant waitstaff.


Ask the MB: My Balding Husband is Growing Out His Hair and Beard

Ask the MB: My Balding Husband is Growing Out His Hair and Beard

Q: A bit of MB guidance would be much appreciated, please. Before we begin, I must let you know that I neither create nor dictate my husband's appearance in any way. You see, he is quite the Magnificent Bastard already; however, some clarity is needed in the grooming department. He currently has a full beard and is growing out his wavy locks indefinitely. For years, my husband's hair was quite short and very sexy. The beard is also fairly new, but not in question. How (if at all) can he grow his hair out and maintain a professional appearance? I should mention that his hair is thinning due to male-pattern baldness. I have always said that this isn't a problem at all and when embraced, is confidently attractive. While George Carlin is fucking hilarious and his legend lives on, I don't want to sleep next to his ponytail.
—The Wife

Unless your husband is a religious prophet, a wizard, or a homeless guy, we don't think growing out his beard and what's left of his hair is likely to enhance his professionalism.

The Grizzly Adams look is surprisingly tough to master. Just look at Brad Pitt, Joaquin Phoenix, and Saddam Hussein for proof of this statement.

Add male pattern baldness to the equation, and the odds against successfully pulling off this look only increase. Best to avoid it, and to follow our long-standing advice to men who are getting thin on top.


Ask the MB: Bradley Cooper Sunglasses in American Hustle

Ask the MB: Bradley Cooper Sunglasses in <em>American Hustle</em>

What kind of sunglasses is Bradley Cooper wearing in American Hustle?
—Alex

A: With the help of our friends at Allyn Scura, who did the eyewear for everyone in the movie except for Bradley Cooper, we were able to learn from the costume designer that they are a vintage frame stamped "Girard made in France" and "3700."

Unfortunately they're harder to find than perm rods.

When we started writing this reply there was a pair available at vintagedesignersunglasses.com, but the site's gone dark. The cached version says these are "equally suited for boardwalk wanderings and impromptu parties." We say "boardwark parties," too.

As for the rest of the cast, they are wearing far more accessible eyewear:

Amy Adams
Christian Dior 2250

Jennifer Lawrence
Ted Lapidus TL-10

Christian Bale
Izod Lacoste 707F


Ask the MB: Bespoke Wedding Suit

No, this will not do.
No, this will not do.

Q: Hey Guys - long time devotee, glad to see you back. I'm getting married and am shopping for suits. I'm decking my groomsmen out in charcoal Indochinos (God knows what those assholes would show up in otherwise), but would like something a step up for myself.

I'm looking for a medium grey Glen Plaid two button, dual vent but having a hard time finding a nice one. I like the current J. Crew Ludlow, even if the lapels are a bit thin. It has a very nice fabric (same mill as your Buckley tie), but for some reason they refuse to sell it with an inseam for the taller gentleman. I'm 6'4" and typically wear a 36x35", not to mention it looks like their pants tend to run on the short side to begin with.

I'm very open to getting something MTM, but I'd like to keep the price somewhat reasonable, say $1500? I sincerely appreciate any advice!
—Jim

A: We admire a man who eschews a traditional wedding day costume in favor of something he'd wear to dinner. This epitomizes the core principle of understatement.

Neighbor: "Working on a Saturday, Jim?"
Jim: "Nope. Getting married."

Bravo.

As for the suit, given your size, it will be as difficult finding anything OTR that fits as it was finding your soulmate. Or the person within your geographic and socioeconomic circles who's willing to tolerate your idiosyncrasies and that you leave the seat up. Whichever.

Anyhow, go MTM, as you suggest, and try Brooklyn Tailors. Started by a couple in their Clinton Hill apartment, their stuff is now at Barneys, yet bespoke suits are $1,275; reasonable by MTM standards and within your budget. Spend the balance on a custom shirt.

Finally, we don't know if you or your bride have picked out a wedding band, but we recommend this style. If it's good enough for Prince William, it's good enough for us, and should be for you, too.

Earlier: MB Wedding Ring Chart


Ask the MB: You're Selling Skinny Ties!

Ask the MB: You're Selling Skinny Ties!

Q: Before you went Eat, Pray, Love you used to rail against the skinny tie. Like RAIL against it. Now you've come back and opened a store that sells only skinny ties. Do you find this at all ironic?
—Andrew

A: Your note made us smile gently. Yes, partially because we've been project-vomiting gratitude out of our heart-holes ever since we returned from our extended Eat, Pray, Love sabbatical. But also because we took your conclusions about our store as strong evidence that you've been drinking Magnificent Bastards in unrestrained fashion.

We suppose if you strapped our Adam Smith cashmere belts around your neck (pictured in Chocolate Sandwich Cookie), they might qualify as skinny ties. We don't advise that.

Meanwhile, Joseph Kandell, Dan Feinbaum, and Steve Price used to be skinny ties. But they're no more skinny ties now than Mike Ditka's a football coach or Jon Gosselin's a TV star. They've moved on and have entirely new jobs. Like millions of folks in a rapidly shifting economy, they've made a strategic career pivot, acquired new skills and new training, updated their LinkedIn profiles, and now make their living as belts.

Finally, there are our actual ties. All of them are exactly 3 1/8 inches wide at their widest point. Perfect now, perfect forever. Only a Jezebel columnist determined to shift body size norms would think to call that skinny. Or possibly someone who has just enjoyed a half dozen or so MBs.

Also: We still don't like skinny ties. But we thought of a compassionate way to eradicate them from America. Stay tuned for more on this soon.


Ask the MB: Is Shannon Sharpe a Clown, or Sharp Dresser?

Ask the MB: Is Shannon Sharpe a Clown, or Sharp Dresser?

Some friends and I were drinking some Magnificent Bastards and talking football and, naturally, Shannon Sharpe's dress attire on CBS's pregame show came up. My buddies think he dresses like a clown. I think he dresses with balls and style. Real sharp, as it were. What does the MB say?
—Evan

"Balls and Style." Sounds like a good name for a men's style site and corresponding e-commerce shop. Er, nevermind.

We can see where your buddies are coming from with the clown comments. Unfortunately, sometimes Sharpe wears wide, floppy, too-neatly-tied bow ties that definitely evoke thoughts of men in makeup who accessorize with squirting flower boutonnières. Take Saturday, for example (left).

But we agree with you, Evan. Sharpe is great at bold pattern matching and texture combinations. Everything fits perfectly. His lapels are just the right width and echo that of his ties. His knots are almost always appropriate for the collar shape. He often wears gingham and textured ties, both MB favorites (see Sunday; right).

And while we usually need to turn down the volume when he's making a point, he's a pretty good analyst, too.

Earlier: Ask the MB: Who can pull off a bow tie?


Ask the MB: MB Tie Compatibility Issue

Ask the MB: MB Tie Compatibility Issue

Q: I think the Kakutani is calling my name. But I've got a problem. I like spread collars, and I know your stance on them. Is it possible you've made the Kakutani so magnificent it works with spread collars even if I'm not Adrian Brody or that dude in The Scream?
—Alex

A: We want the world to wear our ties. In fact, we might even sell one to Donald Trump if he asked nicely. And given how acquainted you are with our back catalog, we'd like to do right by you and tell you, sure, go ahead and wear the Kakutani with a spread collar.

Unfortunately, we can't do that. Yes, it is such a good-looking tie that you and many others might be tempted to wear it with a spread collar just show off as much of its fabric as possible. Resist that urge!

Granted, this is not as clear-cut as a Müller-Lyer illusion, but look at these illustrations from Esquire. B's neck and face look thicker and wider than A's, and yet the neck and face (and tie) are exactly the same in each drawing. Only the collar in B is different.

Conclusion: Spread collars instantly fatten your face and neck. And we can't let you do that to yourself, even if it means missing out on a sale. We will not sell you a Kakutani if you're planning to wear it with a spread collar.

Earlier: The Guy from Edvard Munch's The Scream should wear a spread collar.


Ask the MB: What to Wear for Skiing?

Italian ascending K2 in 1954; Spyder toolbag in 2013
Italian ascending K2 in 1954; Spyder toolbag in 2013

Q: This winter will be my first time hitting the ski slopes since pursuing the MB lifestyle. What do you recommend I wear to look good and stay warm without looking like a Spyder Toolbag?
—Ian

Q: Great to have you back! I checked out your ski channel, and while I liked the suggestions, (especially the pants), I'm unable to locate a pair in my size. That was back in 2011, any chance on getting an updated recommendation for a full ski outfit?
—Matt

A: We keep things really simple when we hit the slopes, using, for the most part, what we normally wear in winter. (See earlier post on the matter.) There's no reason to get into a special synthetic sports uniform — see "Spyder Toolbag" look — unless there's a multi-year, multi-million dollar contract involved.

Here are some suggestions from bottom to top:

PANTS
Naked and Famous throws a lot of denim against the wall and some of it — like our highly-recommended Snowpant Denim — unfortunately doesn't stick. (These were nearly 60% off at Neiman Marcus and still took over a year to sell out.)

We contacted N&F and there are no plans to make more. However, Tate and Yoko have 29 and 30 in stock, and there are always a few pairs floating around on eBay and about half the price. Set up an alert.

UNDERLAYER
Smartwool Merino next-to-skin. This works for winter biking, snowshoeing, football game watching, or just sitting by the fire.

SWEATER
Cashmere turtleneck from 8. No, this is not Brunello Cucinelli cashmere. But we believe 8 to be the best cashmere value in the world.

JACKET
They cost nearly as much as a Vail lift ticket, but if Moncler is good enough for Italians scaling K2 (pictured), it's good enough for us to scale the St. Regis bar at the top of Deer Valley. But any down puffy jacket will do, and if you want to keep it stylishly Italian and starting with the letter M, YOOX always has great deals on Montecore, Moschino, Martin Margiela, and Museum.

HAT
Cashmere hat with a pom. (Similar to pictured.)

SUNGLASSES

Vintage Carrera 5425s in tortoise, from Allyn Scura, the official eyewear provider to Magnificent Bastard, and the film American Hustle (opening nationwide on Friday).


Ask the MB: College Budget Winter Boots

Sorel Kitchener Frosts via Amazon, $157.00
Sorel Kitchener Frosts via Amazon. $157.00.

Q: It's heartwarming to see you guys back. I've checked in daily since the start of your hiatus and your return is nothing short of a Christmas miracle.

The first snow of the season has fallen here in Boston, and on its heels is another New England winter. But I need to know what to put on my heels.

I'm on a college student's budget but I need boots to trudge through the slush and snow for the next four or five months. I know your stance on L.L. Bean, but the company is established, the products are American-made, and these leather hunting boots seem like they'd hold up. Thoughts?
—Michael

A: L.L. Bean has a well-deserved reputation for durability and great customer service. But we're still reluctant to recommend those shoes you're considering. Yes, they're hunting shoes, so maybe that stacked heel and high-contrast sole are designed to strike fear in the heart of a duck. To us, they just shout "Ladies riding boot crossed with a Dutch clog!"

Since we just posted about the Swims Mobsters, we're assuming you don't want overboots. You want actual boots and they need to be waterproof, which means you're going to end up with something fairly similar to the Beans, especially if you want to stay in that same general price range.

If it were us, we'd probably go with these Sorel Kitchener Frosts, in "Grizzly Bear." While sharing the same basic form as those Beans, they strike us as being less cloggy, and without the bulk of traditional Sorel PACs required here in Minneapolis. And just to let you know we're looking out for your college student's budget, you can get them via Amazon for $157.


Ask the MB: Triple Threat Boots?

Ask the MB: Triple Threat Boots?

Q: very happy to see that you guys are back to a regular posting schedule, and it couldn't have come at a better time for me because i'm in need of some black boots and need your advice.

i'm a public defender, and i need black footwear that'll look good with a suit, but i also want something that i can wear with jeans. and i live in alaska, so i need boots to trudge through the snow. the hydrogen-1 brand you recently endorsed would've worked, but they don't have boots available in my size. i'm about to pull the trigger on these frye chukkas, but wanted your input first
—Preston

A: Counselor:

An Alaskan winter will be like felony assault on those Frye boots. There is only one boot we know of that can pull the triple duty you desire — biz, cash, sludge — and it's the Prada 'New Tolbak' Chelsea boot, a dressier version of the Novo we've previously recommended.

Unless you’re on the take, though, we suspect they may be a bit pricey for your employee-of-the-state budget.

What we propose instead is to take custody of these terrific Swims 'Mobster Boot' Overshoes. They're $149, but completely vacate the elements, and feature a soft, insulating lining that buffs your shoes while you walk.

As for the shoes getting buffed, with the Mobsters in defense you can court the much larger (but still small) quantity of low-cut shoes that sit on the biz-cash knife's edge we're always looking for, like the Hydrogen-1s, and just about anything from their more expensive predecessor, Common Projects. (FWIW, the new Hydrogen-1 collection, available in a wide range of sizes, is here.)

This way, you'll have boots when there is snow to trudge through, and shoes for those rare Alaskan days when there isn't.


Ask the MB: $10 Office Christmas Party Gift

Ask the MB: $10 Office Christmas Party Gift

Q: Great to have you back! I am attending my office Christmas party and I am to bring a $10 gift. Any ideas?
—Richard

A: If you want something that will appeal to the widest range of potential recipients, our focus group testing has found that virtually all of white-collar America responds positively to a smoking, drinking man-deer who is not afraid to make a nonchalant spectacle of himself at Yuletime.

If you think the booze will be flowing freely at your party, and your 4th quarter performance has been strong enough to withstand a visit to HR, we like this plastic wine stopper from Gama-Go.

If you're lucky enough to work with literate, discerning colleagues, you can't go wrong with Paul Fussell's Class.

We can't make promises for the last two, but if you buy a Non-Denominational Winter Tree Accessory today, it will arrive in time for Friday office parties. (I.E., we ship it USPS two-day delivery at no extra charge.)


Ask the MB: What is Up With You Guys?

Ask the MB: What is Up With You Guys?

Q: What's up with the lack of postings lately? You've had two so far for the month of September, which sported a grand total of five words. I've taken to reading the SB (who has 8 posts in the month, with more words than I care to count) just to have something to do while I'm supposed to be working. Am I right to be concerned?
—Tim

A: Our in-house masseuse thinks this has something to do with blockage of our third eye chakra. We think it has more to do with replacement refs, abundant tee times, and excessive MB Cocktail indulgence.

Whoever's right, we still have a lot to say — although never more than the SB — and will be back to a more regular posting schedule someday.



Ask the MB: Is Ryan Lochte Gay or Straight?

Ask the MB: Is Ryan Lochte Gay or Straight?

Q: I am madly in love with Ryan Lochte but read on MSNBC that he has 130 pairs of shoes. This is roughly 100 more pairs of shoes than I own. Which team IS he on?
—Elizabeth

A: 130 pairs is a lot of shoes, but well below the well-known homosexual shoe-ownership cutoff of 150 pairs. Dude is straight.

While he would bring more shoes into the relationship than you, we'd be far more worried about his taste level than his sneaker collection. In an interview with Women's Health Magazine he says his celebrity crush is Carmen Electra. This answer was possibly appropriate 15 years ago, when Lochte was 13 and Electra was on Baywatch and in Playboy pictorials. Now ... disturbingly weird old chick fetish!


Ask the MB: What is the Guy in the Header Wearing?

Ask the MB: What is the Guy in the Header Wearing?

Q: What's the MB in the header wearing? The shirt is mostly likely a custom shirt, what about the pants and shoes? Thanks!
—Viktor

A: Good eye on the shirt. That is a custom Deo Veritas made with windowpane Thomas Mason in magenta. It's $138 and totally worth it. Vinnie makes great shirts and if you mention MB he'll take good care of you.

The pants are the bottom half of a suit separate prototype one of us is working on.

The shoes are Converse Chuckit mesh sneakers. They work best for the beach or pool but can also be adopted as streetwear during hot Pulaski summers, as shown here. Unfortunately these don't seem to be available online unless you are OK with purple in men's sizes 3, 4, or 7.


Ask the MB: Ralph Lauren's Team USA Olympic Uniforms

Ask the MB: Ralph Lauren's Team USA Olympic Uniforms
Q: Amid the brouhaha about this year's US Olympic uniforms, I'm surprised no one's brought up the obvious complaint: they're hideous! Horrible berets, round collars, ugly ties, and jackets with distractingly enormous manufacturer logos... even the white trousers under stadium lighting will give us a good sense of who wears what underwear. Am I right about this, or just completely out of touch?
—Vince


A: You are right (for the most part). The insane politicians who wanted to burn the Ralph Lauren uniforms because they were made in China should have instead wanted to burn the blazer because it's a too-short DB with peak lapels and brass buttons.

The beret is an odd choice. Maybe Lauren thought the games were in Paris instead of London.

As for the rounded collars, we have previously argued against trimming there because all the sensitive nerve endings are at the tip, and we've weighed in on Lauren's enlarged equestrian logo, which is approaching the size of a real-life jockey.

Where we disagree is on the white trousers. Even under hundreds of 1500-watt lights, they get us to chant U-S-A U-S-A.

Earlier: Ask the MB: White Pants

Ask the MB: Spread or Point Collar?

Ask the MB: Spread or Point Collar?
Q: Spread or point collar?
—Mark


A: Do you want your face to look longer and thinner or shorter and fatter? For the former, point; for the latter, spread.

The only two people we've seen who belong wearing spread collars are Adrien Brody and the guy in Edvard Munch's The Scream.

Earlier: MB Rule: If your nose is as long and sharp as a point collar, wear a spread collar.

Ask the MB: More on Monograms

None of the above
None of the above
Q: Where does the MB stand on shirt monograms? I feel like pocket lettering is trying too hard, but having initials peek out from a cardigan sleeve could bring things up a level.
—Mike


A: Mike, it's TTH on the sleeve, too. We've covered this before, arguing that they violate the understatement principle (while also managing to work in a picture of Pippa Middleton's ass), but forgot about the legible clothing principle, which they also clearly violate.

As for the monogrammists' arguments, they speak for themselves, like Howard at Ask Any About Clothes who posts, "I like monograms sometimes. It represents the feeling of being important and professional."

Earlier: Ask the MB: Monograms

Ask the MB: Blue Blazers

Ask the MB: Blue Blazers
Q: At what sort of events are blue blazers (the classic type with gold buttons) appropriate? I have a nice Polo blazer, but am sometimes unsure it's the right call.
—Matt


A: We recommend this look only for scotch ads and sloop christenings.

Don't just stand there, get some glue!

We have been in your shoes — with exposed ankles, of course — with nice blue Polo blazers and strongly recommend jumping ship. Sure, you could replace the brass buttons with blue ones, but we suspect this garment has other problems like padded shoulders and a length hanging down below the bottom of your ball sack.

Instead, get into the modern navy blazer, which is deconstructed and shorter, like this one from Prada Sport at YOOX. It's made from resin-coated wool so it doesn't really wrinkle, and comes with a cool bag it easily folds into, so it's perfect for traveling. It's a great piece and it's on sale. Fits true to size.

Earlier: MB Endorses: Exposed Ankles
Earlier: Ask the MB: Blazer and Suit Jacket Length

Ask the MB: White Pants

Ask the MB: White Pants
Q: The MB-ness of white jeans has been well documented, but what about white cotton dress pants? Denim is too casual, but I would like to step it up at work this summer.
—Dave


A: White pants.

White pants!

WHITE FUCKING PANTS!

Were we previously not clear on the MB-ness of white pants? Sorry.

On summer days when we're not wearing blue jeans or white jeans, we're wearing white pants. However, they're not without their challenges, namely finding them and keeping them clean.

For the former, we have YOOX's white pants latest arrivals on speed dial. If there is a bigger collection of white pants outside of a Naval Academy graduation, let us know. For the latter, just make sure your wife/girlfriend/launderer is aware of the stain-fighting power of Ivory + OxyClean. They're going to need it.

Earlier: Billy Mays: The Best-Laundered Huckster on TV

Ask the MB: Black Suit for Work

Ask the MB: Black Suit for Work
Q: Black suit: Is a slim fit black suit a good move for the office and, if so, how should it be accessorized? I prefer to reserve black for evening events, but I'd like to go beyond the navy and charcoal options. (I either don't like light-colored suits, or I don't look good in them...I'm not sure which.)
—JY


A: A black suit — slim-fit or otherwise — is only a good move for exactly two occasions:

1. Funerals
2. Auditioning for a gangster role in a Tarantino pic

If you're bored with navy and charcoal and can't do light colors, try a pattern like a windowpane, pinstripe, or our favorite, Glen plaid like this one from Ralph Lauren

Ask the MB: Kickstarter Underwear

What American men need now: Grocery lists on their wrists
What American men need now: Grocery lists on their wrists
Q: I was randomly looking through Kickstarter today and saw this: American-made, American-grown underwear. What do you think?
—Brian in Seattle


A: In a world where over 56,000 people have pledged over $8.3 million for a clunky wrist device that looks like a Swatch humped a Skycaddie, you'd think American-made (and American-grown, as you astutely point out) undies would generate at least, say, half a mil, right?

No, but a still-impressive $163K has been pledged for Jake Bronstein's Flint and Tinder to make classic briefs, straight-leg boxers, and boxer-briefs at a California clothing factory powered partially by the sun.

While we're opposed to boxer-briefs with leg bands, and "tighty whities" violate our guidelines on testicle-constricting underwear, the boxers look worth the modest investment. We're in.

Earlier: The Magnificent Bastard Underwear Guide

Ask the MB: Eyebrow Maintenance

Ask the MB: Eyebrow Maintenance
Q: What's your take on eyebrow maintenance? The unibrow is something to be avoided at all costs but there seems to be a lack of guidance on the subject in terms of the well-groomed male.
—Cam


A: Agreed that the unibrow should be avoided, though a few of our favorite Muppets make it work.

Just as we outsource cutting the grass and trimming the shrubs to lawn care professionals, we also recommend outsourcing eyebrow maintenance to your hair care professional. No manscaping here — that's a violation of the artful dishevelment principle — you want just enough deforestation so you don't end up looking like George W. Bush in the Navy pilot or blow years.

Any decent salon (and even a barbershop or two) has warm wax at the ready and can tidy up that patch of real estate in seconds. Simply ask for the service and tip well. It lasts for about four weeks, roughly the same time between haircuts, which is a convenient coincidence.

Ask the MB: Charles Tyrwhitt Shirts

Ask the MB: Charles Tyrwhitt Shirts
Q: What's your opinion of dress shirts from Charles Tyrwhitt?
—Chase


A: Regular readers know we're raging Anglophiliacs but there are some notable exceptions, like the food, the Windsor knot, and the shirts from Jermyn Street menswear outfitters like Charles Tyrwhitt.

Besides the Windsor knot-ready collar design, their shirts all look far too neat due to the stiff, fused interlinings that inhibit artful dishevelment, an MB principle even more dear than Anglophilia.

By contrast, dress shirts with sewn interlinings (or no interlining at all) aren't just more comfortable, they lend themselves to AD, their collars sometimes taking on as much personality as the person wearing them.

To see what we mean, take a look at Cary Grant's shirt collar in North by Northwest, shot before the invention of fusing. In our view, Grant's shirt from this movie should be equally as revered and admired as his Kilgour suit or Persol sunglasses.

Earlier: The Four Things Wrong With the Windsor Knot

Ask the MB: What to Wear to a Summer Wedding Besides Seersucker Pants

Ask the MB: What to Wear to a Summer Wedding Besides Seersucker Pants
Q: I am going to a summer wedding and want to wear my favorite blue seersucker pants and white shirt. What I'm not sure about is what style shoes should I wear and what color jacket would be best? Also should I wear a tie? If so what kind?
—Sam


A: We would embrace and extend your casual look and wear a deconstructed two-button navy blazer, like this one from Scotch & Soda that's just 85 bucks. As for the tie we'd probably wear madras in a width that echos the 3" S&S blazer lapels, but if you don't have one handy just stuff this Land's End Canvas crinkle twill Tartan pocket square in your chest pocket and call it good. It's on sale for $9.99.

With all the money we just saved you, spend it on the shoes.

We always opt for fun takes on the sneaker, like these Bally boat shoes that would tie your preppy look together, and provide comfort when performing the inevitable running man/Melbourne shuffle.

If you don't think you can (or want to) pull that off, go for a blue suede moc from Car Shoe, the original driving shoe.

Earlier: MB Endorses: Exposed Ankles

Ask the MB: Randoph Engineering Bayonet Sunglasses

Ask the MB: Randoph Engineering Bayonet Sunglasses
Q: So my cheap Target sunglasses finally broke recently, and I'm upgrading to Randolph aviators. In regards to frame style, my instinct screams bayonet, but I've noticed toolbag frames are usually bayonet. For the up-and-coming, detail-driven magnificent bastard, what is your recommendation?
—Sky


A: Never ignore a screaming instinct, we always say. They happen to be right a lot.

While we agree that some toolbag frames are bayonet, Randolph Engineering aviators with bayonet temples are worn by two of our all-time favorite fictional characters: Col. Kilgore in Apocalypse Now (upper left) and Don Draper in Mad Men (upper right), both of whom would certainly qualify as MBs.

As long as you don't shave your head into a mohawk, wear an oversized Army jacket, and plan on assassinating a presidential candidate, you're good.

Earlier: Col. Kilgore's Bracelet and Dog Tag Accessorization

Ask the MB: Arnie Wear

Ask the MB: Arnie Wear
Q: Do you have an opinion on Arnie Wear?
—Mark


A: We absolutely love the idea behind Arnie Wear — who doesn't want to look like Arnold Palmer did in the '60s — it's the execution we have a problem with, with too-long sleeves on the polos, too-long inseams on the shorts, and far too much nylon and quick-dry polyester on everything.

The King never wore quick-dry polyester.

One item we'll be trying out, however, is the Leaderboard dress pant in (mostly) cotton, with a low rise and gentle boot cut (inset). Good golf pants are hard to find, and it looks like you could wear these into the office after a round (unless you get them in Lemon). Plus they'll go great with the Sambas.

Long before Arnie Wear came along, what we've done to put our twist on the '60s Palmer look is find a pair of casual white pants on YOOX, a slim-fitting banded-cuff polo from J.Crew (always on sale), and a fine-gauge cashmere-silk cardigan usually by Cruciani. Add a $4.99 plain white visor from e4hats.com and you are Palmer personified (except for his game).

Earlier: Visors. How and when to wear them.

Ask the MB: When Should I Retire the Tweed?

Ask the MB: When Should I Retire the Tweed?
Q: When should I mothball the tweed for the year? Is it the same in the spring as fall - last freeze as predicted by the Farmer's Almanac? Or just before Easter?
— Mark


A: While the Farmer's Almanac's frost guide is perfect for the introduction of tweed, it's of no use for its retirement. The average last frost in Green Bay, Wisconsin is May 6, which is way, way too late to be wearing tweed. By then we're in white pants, drinking clear liquor.

Just before Easter might work if it had a set date like Christmas, but the range for this holiday 34 days, which is fine for Jesus's resurrection but unhelpful as a style guidepost.

Rather than rely on Mother Nature or Christian holidays for tweed mothbolling, we've been lead instead by the Energy Policy Act of 2005, which extended the start of daylight savings time (DST) three weeks, to the second Sunday in March starting in 2007. For the past six years we've found the start of DST to be a very reliable and natural-feeling tweed end date.

Earlier: Ask the MB: When to Break Out the Tweed

Ask the MB: GQ and Sweatpants

Ask the MB: <em>GQ</em> and Sweatpants
Q: Did you see this? I think I just died a little inside.
—Ben


A: We love imagining the look on "Style Guy" Glenn O'Brien's face when he learned underlings at GQ were suggesting fleece sweatpants ... with ankle-hugging elastic. He probably died a little bit, too, on the outside.

Despite the likes of prodigy designer Alexander Wang and shrunken-man designer Thom Browne doing fleece sweats — if you're insane you can buy a pair of Browne's sweatshorts for $300 — this is a clothing item best left to Rocky Balboa and George Costanza.

For times when we need the functionality of sweatpants — usually a tennis warm-up session and not training for a fight against Apollo Creed — we wear bottoms than emphasize the pants over the sweat. That is, pockets in both front and rear, unfettered leg openings, zip flys, and above all, no fleece. It's the fleece that gives off the "I give up" look.

Try Prada Sport if you can swing it, Fila if you can't.

Note: Due to an unusually high number of entries into the Allyn Scura eyewear contest, the winner won't be announced until tomorrow.

Ask the MB: Mitt Romney Mom/Dad Jeans

Ask the MB: Mitt Romney Mom/Dad Jeans
Q: Can you please help Mitt Romney with his light colored dad jeans? Thanks.
—Larry


A: Late last year Esquire suggested Romney was wearing the light-wash Obama Fit denim (left) to connect with Iowa farmers — not to mention Iowa's jean-wearing moms — which got us wondering: Is Mitt Romney the first presidential candidate to not only say anything to get elected, but also wear anything to get elected?

Apparently not, as he campaigned in New Hampshire in early January in the Iowa Jeans, but then abruptly abandoned his mom jean-wearing principles after withering ridicule, including a mom-jean cartoon from the Los Angeles Times' David Horsey, and adopted a more fitted, lower-rise, faux-distressed look, as shown at a campaign stop in Boise on Friday (right).

Is this a little better, Larry?

Earlier: Chart! How to Determine What Brand of Jeans to Wear Based on Your Age
Earlier: Obama Mired in Permanent Fashion Recession

Ask the MB: Where is the Spectacular Bitch?

Ellen Von Unwerth's <em>Revenge</em> via amazon.com, $28.20
Ellen Von Unwerth's Revenge via amazon.com. $28.20.
Q: What the heck is the Spectacular Bitch up to? Still no website! I was looking forward to seeing what an alpha female has to say. At this rate she must be in danger of losing the "spectacular" label. Spank her, will you?
—Jim


A: Oh, Jim! Jim, Jim, JIM!

If anyone deserves a spanking, it's MB. I am ready. I have been ready.

See you soon, you naughty boy.

SB

(Ed. note: she is ready.)

Ask the MB: Kombi Captain Freedom Gloves

Bucco Bruce Top; Wigens Bearclaw Gloves Bottom via amazon.com, $150.00
Bucco Bruce Top; Wigens Bearclaw Gloves Bottom via amazon.com. $150.00.
Q: I was all set to pick up a pair of the MB-approved Kombi Captain Freedom gloves for a ski trip in Jackson Hole, when I discovered that the folks at Kombi have altered the design. (new one here: http://www.snowshack.com/detail/SNW+KB-30324+L). It's like New England getting rid of the Pat Patriot helmet. Some things just don't make sense. Nonetheless, the gloves are still pretty sweet. Do you approve?
—Andrew


A: What's worse? New England getting rid of Pat Patriot or Tampa Bay abandoning the winking pirate Bucco Bruce? We say the latter by a nautical mile.

At any rate, we were completely joking about wearing the Kombi Captain Freedom gloves for skiing. (Though we weren't joking at all about wearing the Naked and Famous Snowpant Denim; they are terrific for banging bumps.)

What we're wearing this year is Wigens bearclaw gloves (bottom). Made in Sweden, these not only protect your fingers from Jack Frost, they also double as part of a Halloween costume if you're dressed as a black bear. 100% goat leather plus 100% rabbit on the outside, the only problem with these is they're too warm.

Ask the MB: White-Stitched Jeans

Ask the MB: White-Stitched Jeans
Q: What do you think of white stitched jeans for a younger male? I got a pair tonight and I love them but some of my friends disagree. Thoughts?
—Heath


A: While your youth is a slight mitigating factor, please consult the Venn diagram below as a guide. (In other words, your friends might have a point.)



Ask the MB: Aspesi Down Jacket

Ask the MB: Aspesi Down Jacket
Q: Hey MB. I also went into an alcohol-fueled spending spree after the devastating loss to the Giants. I did my damage at Mr. Porter's sale, but I have a question about the fit of those Aspesi down jackets. What size did you order? I am 5'10" about 170, 33 waist. I want to replace my rotting Patagonia down jacket, but I wasn't sure what size to order of the Aspesi on The Corner. All that is left is a Large. Any advice?
—Ben


A: Like most Italian brands, Aspesi fits small. Their XL pushes it for us, but we're all quite a big bigger than you, so our strong hunch is the large Aspesi down jacket will fit you perfectly and be a significant upgrade over anything Patagonia, rotting or not.

If you want to take it up even another notch, get into Z Zegna. Slip it on and you'll agree that the additional $202 was totally worth it. (Zegna fits much more traditional American.)

Ask the MB: Long Sleeves Under a T-Shirt

Ask the MB: Long Sleeves Under a T-Shirt
Q: I'm looking to layer up in London over the winter. What are your feelings on long sleeves under a tshirt? Is there any way I can pull off this kind of layering without looking like a douche/toolbag?
—Bradley


A: Layering is a key MB principle, but this look has always seemed backwards to us, like putting underwear over your pants.

Ask the MB: Lack of Content

This hurt us way more than it hurt you
This hurt us way more than it hurt you
Q: Look, we agree on a lot, and disagree on a few things. But one post a week? Stop slacking. You're making us other MBs feel alone in a world of huge watches, True Religion and Robert Graham. It's fuckin' scary and it's nice to hear another voice of sanity out there.
—Chris


A: We spent all last week breaking down game film, and since the fiasco on Sunday we're slowly emerging from a prescription drug and MB cocktail-induced shopping binge that triggered cardmember security calls from U.S. Bank, Chase, Citigroup, and even our local credit union.

The primary object of our expensive coping mechanism was the incredibly good deals at The Corner (aka the high-end YOOX), which we highly recommend you check out before everything is gone. Our bounty:

* M. Grifoni Denim checked wool cardigan
* M. Grifoni Denim plaid oblong scarf
* Kris Van Assche high-top sneakers
* Christopher Kane houndstooth cashmere gloves
* Christopher Kane plaid silk/cashmere cardigan
* Aspesi navy down jacket
* Z Zegna steel grey down jacket
* Kolor grey cashmere/silk blazer
* Aspesi dark brown shirt jacket
* Ann Demeulemeester long sleeve white tee
* Common Projects brown tennies

Ask the MB: What is Up With Ben Roethlisberger's Post-Game News Conference Look?

Ask the MB: What is Up With Ben Roethlisberger's Post-Game News Conference Look?
Q: Ben Roethlisberger, post game news conference, WTF?
—Wade


A: Big Ben clearly has a hat that's Too Tiny, enhancing the size of his already large and increasingly flabby melon, one that has more chins than the number of TDs he threw against Denver on Sunday.

What struck us though, besides the fact that Roethlisberger bothered to wear something besides an untucked sport shirt, is that this is the same outfit he wore to the ESPY awards in July, 2009, 2½ years ago (below). It's true he's a Hall of Fame toolbag, but you'd think a guy who made $12 million this year would not recycle a dated three-piece suit and prepackaged shirt/tie/pocket square combo he probably picked up at TJ Maxx for $19.99.

As for the vest Tim Tebow was wearing after the game, we've had a few questions about the brand and model and we're researching it. Tebow has definitely stepped up his game since his jorts days at Florida.

Ask the MB: Wearing an Ascot

Ask the MB: Wearing an Ascot
Q: The ascot....I am wearing it. It does have a HDD (High Degree of Difficulty —Ed.) but a real MB can pull it off. Your thoughts on this?
—Jason


A: The ascot meets at least four core MB principles:

1. Anglophilia. They were first introduced in England.
2. Archaism. In the late 19th century.
3. Exclusivity. It's nearly impossible to find a good one.
4. Senseless Lack of Utility. They are even more useless than a necktie (i.e. they're too short to double as a belt or decent tourniquet in a pinch).

In other words, we love them.

But can you really pull it off? To answer that question we've created an ascot-wearing "decider" flowchart below to help guide you.

decider: ascot

Ask the MB: Color Matching Anxiety

Ask the MB: Color Matching Anxiety
Q: Winter is upon us, and I've developed a case of "color matching doubts and anxiety".

— Black pea coat with denim?
— Dark blue sweater with black pea coat?
— Brown sweater with black jeans?

All these look OK in my mind, but I've heard there are rules. Generally, how to wear black other than with black? Please help clear my mind.
—Shane


A: Black and blue are a natural pairing, so wear #1 and #2 with confidence. We would never try #3, not because it can't work, but because we don't own a pair of black jeans, primarily to avoid ever looking like anything resembling Justin Theroux. (We don't care if he's plowing The Hottest Woman of All-Time. 40-year-old in a Siouxsie and the Banshees T? Even money says this dude's never even been to a show.)

Anyhow, if you're still suffering from color matching doubts and anxiety after reading this we recommend avoiding black entirely and opting instead for charcoal grey for the outerwear and blue for the jeans. Both of those go with anything.

Ask the MB: Sweater Under a Blazer

Ask the MB: Sweater Under a Blazer
Q: Now that we're in sweater weather, what are the rules for wearing a sweater with a suit or sportcoat?
—Dave


A: We only have one rule when it comes to sweaters under blazers: don't look like Gene Siskel or Roger Ebert (top).

Instead, go for something fine-gauge in crewneck as demonstrated by Robert Redford, or our personal preference, the turtleneck as shown by Steve McQueen most famously in Bullitt (bottom).

While we're pretty sure McQueen could handle wool against his skin, we suggest opting for cashmere. If you have the bread, Malo is the obvious, best choice. If you don't, take a look at 8, available at YOOX. We've obsess over cashmere sweaters and have discovered 8 is the best value going, and this version is on sale for just $135. Fits slightly small.

Ask the MB: Black Sheep Sweater

Ask the MB: Black Sheep Sweater
Q: Where does the MB stand on the BetaBrand's black sheep sweater?
—Vik


A: As much as we are amused by the black sheep sweater's marketing concept, we don't actually own one. However, we've heard from several readers that at $120 this is a very good purchase, in spite of it initially smelling like the Irish barn they are made in. All it needs, apparently, is a little fresh air and it's fine. One reader likes it so much he called it a "lifer" and something he plans on handing down to his black sheep offspring.

Ask the MB: Antonio Maurizi Wing Tips

Ask the MB: Antonio Maurizi Wing Tips
Q: I'm shopping around for a new pair of wing tips. I see Antonio Maurizi shoes featured all the time on Gilt. What's your take?
—Jim


A: We were extremely optimistic about a pair of Antonio Maurizi chukka boots last year but upon delivery they clearly were on the "excessively pointy" side of the MB Shoe Toe Pointiness Chart. Now, wing tips are certainly different from chukkas, but their toe shape still doesn't plot high enough to be considered.

Ask the MB: J.Crew's Mougin & Piquard Watch

Real breasts
Real breasts
Q: Just saw on J.Crew's website that J.Crew has teamed with Tourneau to create a watch by former watch makers Mougin & Piquard. I think it would be a great watch to add to the collection. What's your opinion on how MB it is and is it worth the $425 price tag?
—Zack


A: Normally we're in favor of watches made by defunct Swiss manufacturers that require a pronunciation guide — it's pronounced mooj-awe and peek-are — but this watch is a definite pass. It's ironic that J.Crew is resurrecting a brand that was killed off by the quartz movement craze of the '70s, yet with Tourneau's help fits this watch with a quartz movement!

We've said it before, but quartz vs. a mechanical movement is the equivalent of motorboats vs. sailboats, or gas fireplaces vs. wood fireplaces, or fake breasts vs. real breasts. It's a corollary to the long-standing MB principle of organic materials. For around $300 you can get a decent Swiss-made military-inspired mechanical watch and save enough money to buy a cord of firewood.

ELSEWHERE: The "quartz crisis" that laid waste to Mougin & Picard and many other Swiss mechanical watch manufacuters.

Ask the MB: Cardigan Buttoning

I know what you're thinking. 'Did he button 6 buttons or only none?'
I know what you're thinking. 'Did he button 6 buttons or only none?'
Q: As a follow up to your recent post about cardigans. Should one wear them buttoned or not?
—Matt


A: We never button our cardigans, except for the walk home from the Pulaski bar scene on a chilly night when we will ineptly button them off by one button, and if we've had enough Magnificent Bastard cocktails, two.

There's something about buttoning a cardigan that's a bit too Mr. Rogers-y (even though he preferred zips).

This is not to say buttoning a cardigan evenly can't work. David Beckham does this well, but as you'll notice, he's always got an artfully disheveled offset.

Ask the MB: Shirt and Tie With No Jacket

Ask the MB: Shirt and Tie With No Jacket
Q: What are your thoughts on a shirt and tie with no jacket? The internet style-forum consensus seems to be a resounding no, unless you work in a mail room or are a Jehovah's Witness; but it is still a look one sees all the time (not that that's necessarily an argument in its favor, of course). But if it is so wrong to wear a shirt and tie without a jacket, why do people take off the jacket? Does having the jacket nearby magically change the look of the outfit? If so, at what distance is that magical connection lost? The next desk over? A different floor? Do certain jackets maintain the connection over further distances from others? Thanks!
—Ed


A: Ed, forget about the distance your jacket is from your body and focus instead on properly artfully disheveling your shirt and tie.

We agree with the hoi polloi that when you wear only a shirt buttoned to the top with buttoned cuffs and a snugly-tied tie, it looks like either a.) something is missing, or b.) something is missing and you're about to go preaching door-to-door.

So don't wear only a shirt buttoned to the top with buttoned cuffs and a snugly-tied tie. Undo the buttons and roll up the sleeves. Loosen the tie knot and turn it to a side. Does Paul Newman look concerned that he's missing something? Joe Paterno, on the other hand, is super pissed off he can't find his jacket.

Earlier: Proper Sleeve-Rolling Technique


Ask the MB: Al Davis's Sunglasses

Ask the MB: Al Davis's Sunglasses
Q: What brand/model/style of glasses did Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis wear?
—Ray


A: Al Davis likely took the sure answer to this question to his grave. A Google search says they are vintage Alain Mikli shades, but our best guess is these are vintage or custom Vuarnet — indicated by the V-shaped bridge — a company which was acquired by Mikli in 2009.

Either way, finding a pair will be more difficult than finding an answer to why Davis made JaMarcus Russell the #1 pick in 2007.

Ask the MB: Ski Outfit

Ask the MB: Ski Outfit
Q: We're coming up on ski season quickly. What would an MB full ski outfit look like? And yes I mean ski since an MB would not snowboard.
—Alex


A: Alex, you are correct. We do not snowboard. In fact we actually limit our ski vacations to Mad River Glen in Vermont and Deer Valley and Alta in Utah. These are the three remaining resorts in the United States that have rightfully banned this boarding horde of mogul-flattening teens. Do not mess with the bumps.

As for the ski outfit, we keep it very simple with stuff we already have in our regular winter rotation, like a puffy coat that hits at the waist, a cashmere hat with a pom, and leather stars-n-stripes "Captain Freedom" gloves. Where we venture outward is on the pants. Naked and Famous has created the coolest ski pants ever, the Slim Guy Snow Pant Jeans. They fit and look like denim but are lined, waterproof, windproof, and have have vented cuffs to fit over your ski boots.

Neiman Marcus is still trying to sell them for $350 but we've seen them at Barney's Co-Ops for $175 and you can pick them up on final sale at Tobi for $168. They fit large so go down one size. Highly recommended.

(Note: Once they sell out at Neiman Marcus, you can still get them here at Tate and Yoko.)

Ask the MB: Fall/Winter Hats

Ask the MB: Fall/Winter Hats
Hi MB. I am into soft knit winter/fall hats, and really like this one from J. Varvatos. It's soft cashmere and looks pretty good without being douchy. Any ideas that don't cost flipping $168? It's a hat!
—Dan


A: We have a simple rule about winter hats. If it costs more than $100 it must be 100% cashmere. Maybe even 110%. Either that, or there should be one extremely cold beaver somewhere. That Varvatos hat, while a fine-looking chapeau, is $168 and it's only 25% cashmere. Not even close!

For similarly-styled, pure cashmere alternatives, check out the $75 Barney's Co-Op Basic Skully (top). When we strongly recommended it last year it was ten bucks less but it's still worth it. Same goes for the Portolano cashmere hats at Bluefly that are just $36.

Not that we're saying you should pinch your pennies when it comes to your head. After all, you'd surely spend $168, and probably even much more, on a pair of shoes you really like — and what are your feet but the day laborers of your body? Your head, meanwhile, is the CEO. So don't skimp! To that end, we like this cabled Bottega Veneta cashmere cap (bottom). Sure, it's $260, but like all CEOs, doesn't your head deserve a nice Christmas bonus?

Ask the MB: Tom Petty's Sunglasses (and Scarf)

Ask the MB: Tom Petty's Sunglasses (and Scarf)
Q: Any idea what kind of sunglasses Tom Petty's wearing in this picture? I really like their simplicity.
—Steve


A: We're not sure of Petty's exact make or model, but you can approximate this look with the Allyn Scura Legend — an MB favorite — with brown lenses. These are also favored by Bradley Cooper in the A-Team, and also when he's off camera.

Meanwhile, you didn't ask, but we couldn't help but notice Petty's scarf has a message for our readers. It's saying, "Don't do me like that!"

We know this is a signature look for Petty, but if you ask us, what it says is, 'I've been waiting for the Sundance Catalog to add an ascot page for years, but still no luck. I'll guess I'll use this scarf. And, uh, how do you tie an ascot again? Well, this is sort of close, right?"

Next week, we're posting a scarf-tying guide that will feature 7 ways to tie one. The Petty won't be on the list.

Ask the MB: Suit Pants

Ask the MB: Suit Pants
Q: I have a Christmas party for a large bank coming up in a few months, and since I've managed to navigate life thus far without a respectable suit I thought I'd get one made from a local tailor. As we were going over the fit and style of the suit, he asked if I would like pleats. Being a long-time MB reader and knowing your stance on such things, I replied that I did not.

This raised a problem - being a former speed skater and avid cyclist, my seat-to-waist proportion is a bit out of the normal range. Without pleats, the standard slit pant pocket would be stuck slightly open giving the impression that the pants do not fit. The tailor recommended I go with continental-style pockets, which are more similar to the style used in jeans. What does the MB thing of this dilemma?
—Andrew


A: Andrew, we top out at around 15 mph on a pair of skates. But even so, we love Continental-style pockets on dress pants, precisely because they make them less dressy. So listen to your tailor on this one, and make sure to have him style the jacket to match, preferably with double vents. Single vents are great but are also more traditionally American.

Ed. note: We got this response from another thick-thighed reader and thought it worthy to post here.

I relate to Andrew of today's continental pockets question as I, too, have been endowed with strangely muscular legs. I have 26" thighs (Schwarzenegger had 28.5" at his peak). I found your answer to be incomplete in that, while I, too, find continental pockets to be both magnificent and especially bastardly, any tailor that can actually construct a suit should be able to make even on-seam pockets lay flat. My tailor has done it with off the rack pants, so fully custom is no problem. The other thing to watch out for is a too tight waist; the tighter the waist the more the pockets will flare.
—Tyler

Ask the MB: Punch

Ask the MB: Punch
Q: Punches have been making a comeback in craft cocktail bars for a few years. I like one to be my contribution to a party. I try to switch up the recipes, stay egalitarian enough for both sexes to imbibe, stay strictly away from anything too sweet and err on the side of deceptively easy to drink. I've been blamed for a lot of behavior best forgotten which I take a certain amount of personal pride in. I've tried classic British Navy recipes and ones borrowed from Death & Co., the Violet Hour, etc. Do you have any favorites?
—Keska


A: In our opinion, punch is one of the world's greatest mysteries. How did it get invented in India in the 1600s, when neither country clubs nor sorority girls existed yet? We've spent a lot of time pondering this question over the years and are still no closer to an answer, but that's okay. Sometimes, it's best just to accept the bounty the universe bestows upon us.

As you've already discovered, punch is an unbeatable party drug and a drink we always serve at our get-togethers. It goes down easy, it's communal, and when made properly the police will show up.

A version that subscribes to your principles (which we wholeheartedly endorse) and is perfect for the summer-fall transition is something we call simply Fun Punch. (It has earned this name many times over.)



2 cups natural brown (demerara) sugar
2 cups water
1/2 cup grated fresh ginger
1 gallon Cabin Still bourbon
3 gallons Simply Lemonade
2 cups freshly-squeezed lemon juice


Make a simple syrup with the sugar, water, and ginger by bringing them to a boil in a sauce pan. Simmer for 15 minutes, stirring occasionally. Cool and then strain. Combine the ginger-infused simple syrup and the other ingredients in a 5-gallon Culligan water bottle and shake. (You may need some help with that last step.) If you don't own a Culligan water cooler you can rent one for about 35 bucks. When you return it, it will smell like Nick Nolte has been sleeping in it for several days, but surprisingly, the company we rent from does not seem to mind this. Or at least it hasn't called us on it yet.

Ask the MB: Bootcut Jeans

Bootcut jeans. Going the way of Crocs?
Bootcut jeans. Going the way of Crocs?
Q: Bootcut jeans these days are nose-diving on the stylishness scale. Sources ranging from GQ to random style bloggers now treat bootcut jeans like they're the next shiny square-toed shoes. Why is this? When did this happen? It's frustrating because straight jeans are too tapered to fall properly around any shoe. Unless you get a size that's too short, they just bunch up at the ankle and look sloppy. As a result (and the only way to alleviate this sloppiness), we've got the fashion industry telling us that it's also a great look to roll up our pants legs, because, as we all know, men want to emulate the bastardly Huck Finn and the magnificent Opie Taylor. Please, enlighten us.
—James


James, we don't know what happened to bootcut denim but we haven't worn a pair of bootcut jeans in a very, very long time. In fact, we were wondering if one could even buy a pair anymore and did a quick inventory of well-known retailers and their bootcut denim stock.



Retailer # of Jeans # of Bootcut Jeans %
Barney's Co-Op 135 1 .7%
Bergdorf Goodman 24 2 8%
Bloomingdale's 178 31 17%
Neiman Marcus 151 19 13%
Nordstrom 260 41 16%
Saks Fifth Avenue 215 24 11%

Among these retailers, Barney's is the most forward-looking, so this data predicts that in a year or two wearing bootcut denim might exceed shiny square-toed shoes in unstylishness, and perhaps even become the equivalent of wearing Crocs.

As for your bunching dilemma, a proper straight jean is not tapered below the knee. Hence the name. If it is, then it loses it claim on the name and becomes a skinny or slim jean. We encourage you to avoid those as much (well, almost as much) as you avoid bootcut jeans.

If you're looking for a good straight leg jean, our all-time favorite fit is Adriano Goldschmeid's Protege. 17.5" at the knee, 17.5" at the leg opening. Perfect. Cut to the proper length, these won't bunch.

Ask the MB: Warm Biking Jacket

Ask the MB: Warm Biking Jacket
Q: I'm in need of a warm winter jacket I can wear while I bike to work. I've been wearing a North Face jacket and while it's kept me warm and dry, it does not look magnificent. Any suggestions?
—William


A: A good winter cycling jacket for urban/utilitarian riding should (a) keep you warm (b) offer some protection from rain (c) wick sweat away from your body (d) be comfortable without flapping all over the place and (e) look so good it will feel a little insulted that you think of it as a "cycling jacket" and not just a "jacket."

That's a lot to ask from a single garment of clothing, especially if you're planning to ride in freezing or near-freezing temperatures and/or major downpours. If you're limiting your riding to less extreme winter conditions, we have two recommendations: Sheila Moon's Red 'Tooth Jacket and Rapha's Tailored Jacket.

The former's a wool/poly blend, the latter 100 percent wool. Wool's not going to repel water like GoreTex, eVent, or other synthetic fabrics so technically advanced they defy the laws of proper capitalization. But wool stays warm even when it gets wet, and we think it works just fine for commuting-length rides. We don't think you can win the Tour de France in either of these jackets, but you would sure look good soft-pedaling down the Champs-Élysées. Or sprinting down Main Street as you race to make it to your Monday morning meeting.

If you're looking for something a little more casual, any full-zip wool sweater will do. We like this one from Khuna. It's made from 100 percent yak wool. And if yak wool can keep a yak warm and toasty on its morning commute, it should do the same for you.

Earlier: Four good bike to work shoes

Ask the MB: TST Sneakers

Ask the MB: TST Sneakers
Q: Do you know of any retailers (online or otherwise) that stock the TST sneaker collection? Apart from YOOX (which only offers selected items of previous collections) and tstshoes.com (which seems to be a Spanish-based site not directly affiliated with the company) I have a hard time finding any retailer that sells those shoes.

It's nice that you recommend them but I can't seem to find them anywhere (except for small sale stock)
—Jeff


Editor's note: This is one of many emails regarding finding TST shoes. Good luck.

A: Jeff, finding TST shoes can be as hard as finding a stripper with real breasts, which is definitely part of the appeal that goes beyond their artfully disheveled styling. We used to see them at Fred Segal in Santa Monica, but frankly YOOX has been our supplier of late. No, they're not going to be the latest versions but YOOX has lots of options at discounted prices.

If you're looking for the 2011 F/W collection — which is terrific, BTW — we've discovered that part of it is going to be available later this week at LA retailer Qio which specializes in clothing, footwear, and accessories from Japan. They've ordered the 2039F (top), the 813L (middle), and the 3039L (bottom). They won't be available on the Qio web site so email or call Masako at 310-979-3555 to get into a pair. (They run small so add a size.)

Ask the MB: When to Break Out the Tweed

Ask the MB: When to Break Out the Tweed
Q: I don't give a crap about when I should stop wearing white pants. The more important question is: when can I start wearing tweed?
—Mark


A: We've found that Mother Nature offers sound guidance on when to break out the tweed: first frost. According to the Old Farmer's Almanac, on average this happens in Green Bay on October 4. This feels just right for us, as it's also the time we move exclusively to brown liquor. For most of the rest of the country we think the Almanac's first frost table will function as a fairly accurate tweed-wearing guide too.

If you live in a climate where frost is rare, you can start wearing tweed as soon as it's gloomy at least three days in a row.

If you live in climate where it never even gets gloomy, you either own no tweed or your love for the fabric is so irrational you will have no use for practical advice like ours.

Ask the MB: Shaved Heads

Ask the MB: Shaved Heads
Q: What does the MB think about baldness? Obviously not George Costanza bald, but shaving one's head completely. It comes off as kind-of-MB-ish, potentially, but also frat-boy-ish. Where's the needle on the MB-meter when it comes to a completely shaved head?
—Andrew


A: There are a couple things to keep in mind when you're thinking about shaving your head as smooth as a bowling ball. First, does your naked head actually look like a bowling ball? Hair hides a lot of flaws, including asymmetrical facial features, funny-shaped skulls, below-average eyebrows, etc. Even a little hair can help a little bit — when you shave it all off, you may end up calling more attention to aspects of your appearance you'd prefer to keep less visible.

Second, the smooth-shaven look requires a lot of maintenance. That's one reason that we've advocated for a less aggressively shorn look for bald men in the past. That, plus the fact that there's a pretty good chance you're going to end up looking like a penis, a white supremacist, or a magician. Which is not to say that the full Savalas can't work for some men. As our guide below shows, the closer your shaved head looks to a large brown egg, the better your chances of success.

magnificent bastard baldness guide

Earlier: Ask the MB: Artfully Disheveled While Balding

Ask the MB: Blazer and Suit Jacket Length

Ask the MB: Blazer and Suit Jacket Length
Q: What is the proper length for a sportcoat or suit (and should there be a difference?) in the modern era? In other words, where should it end relative to your torso? I have a variety of high-quality sportcoats and suits acquired over the years and have typically worn a 40L, to get the chest fit and sleeve length mostly (I'm 6'1" with long arms and 33 inch waist). But the length of the coats (top of collar to bottom) varies from 31 1/2" for an Armani sportcoat to 33 1/2 for a suit. I'm not interested in the Thom Browne look, nor do I want to look like I'm wearing grandpa's suit. Some of mine now feel dated due to this length. The coats I see on the guys which look like they fit the best seem to be shorter length — ending just at the bottom of the rump. Looking at the J. Crew Aldridge it seems that is where they should hit — although it's hard to tell from the model's slouching. What is your point of view on this issue?
–Nick


A: Nick, we believe there is a perfect length for a blazer or suit jacket (no, there is no difference). To illustrate this, take a look at da Vinci's Vitruvian Man below. A jacket should end at the end of your nutbag — give or take a 1/4" — when tried at room temperature. This will obviously involve standing in front of a mirror with your pants down, so we don't recommend doing this in department stores with security cameras, fraternity houses, or the Congressional gym, unless you want to end up on the web some day.

Note: If your balls go for a swim when you sit down on the can, this method will not work for you.



Earlier: Muammar Gaddafi: The Man Who Would Be Ken

Ask the MB: Shoes for a Summer Wedding

Ask the MB: Shoes for a Summer Wedding
Q: I have a summer wedding to attend and have a grey zzegna cotton suit. I am not sure what shoes to pair it with as the pants are quite narrow. Please help.
—John


A: With the notable exception of the recent Kim Kardashian/Kris Humphries wedding, which featured $5 million earrings and an absurd, six-foot-tall sex toy made out of wedding cake, summer weddings are casual. So your choice of a casual cotton suit is a good one.

In his highly entertaining (and highly recommended) book How to Be a Man GQ Style Guy Glenn O'Brien says:

"...the fashion-forward periodically tell us it's OK to wear sneakers with a suit. Maybe if you've been embezzling and the auditors are in the office, sneakers will give you an edge if you make a run for it, but basically sneakers with a suit is a fundamental error, no matter how much the sneakers cost or who designed them."
We disagree. Or maybe it's just that we have more expansive definition of "sneaker" than O'Brien does. In any case, we think these textured leather sneakers from Thompson would be perfectly wedded to your Z Zegna suit. Despite their Anglo-sounding name, they're actually made in Italy — like your suit — and their narrow cut will pair well with your narrow pants.

If, however, you fall more in line with the Style Guy's way of thinking, then go for these suede Gucci lace-ups. They're dressier than the Thompsons, but with their relaxed lines and non-glossy finish, you won't look like you just came from a wedding when you hit the bars after the reception ends.

Ask the MB: What is the Ex-Toolbag in the Header Wearing?

Ask the MB: What is the Ex-Toolbag in the Header Wearing?
Q: Oh oracle of basterdom, could you give us a rundown on what the ex-toolbag in the header is wearing?
— T


A: The toolbag has transformed from camo cargo shorts, a waffle-knit Florida State long-sleeve T, a royal blue windbreaker, and running shoes (see a picture of the poor guy) into:

Shirt: Levis. $100.
Tie: Mountain and Sackett. $59.
Jacket: Belstaff 'The Racer'. $450.
Pants: J. Crew vintage slim (wheat). $98.
Shoes: Allen-Edmonds McAllister. $325.
Watch: Timex Vintage Field Army. $150.
Belt: Stylist's own

Which reminds us, the header promotion sponsored by LKc Style — three hours of personalized online style consulting, including a free shirt from Read's Clothing Project for $150 — ends when we turn Miss August into recycling and say hello to Miss September.

Read just received a new shipment of nice-looking shirts (we've already ordered the Jake Madras), and at a $98 retail you're getting the style consulting for 52 bucks. If we didn't already strongly resemble the "After" shot — yes, we raided our own wardrobe for the shoot — we'd seriously consider this deal.

Ask the MB: Sideburn Length to Width Ratio

Ask the MB: Sideburn Length to Width Ratio
Q: I was wondering about appropriate MB sideburn length. Specifically, what's the appropriate sideburn length-to-width ratio? I've seen guys whose sideburns are narrow, but grown fairly long (past the earlobe) and it looks too long to me given the width. It got me thinking, thus my question. Thanks!
—Evan


A: When it comes to sideburn length, follow the golden ratio — 1.6180339887. In other words, if you want sideburns 1 inch in width, make sure they are 1.6180339887 inches long. We know maintaining that degree of precision sounds tough, but over time, you will master it.

Throughout history, Wikipedia tells us, architects, artists, industrial designers, and Mother Nature herself have relied on the golden ratio as an aesthetic guide. If it's good enough for da Vinci, Mondrian, Le Corbusier, and the Parthenon, it's good enough for your face.

Use the chart below as a handy guide.

magnificent bastard sideburns chart

Ask the MB: How to Live on $4 a Day

Ask the MB: How to Live on $4 a Day
Q: What can you advise for those seeking magnificence without a great deal of financial means? I'm talking below the poverty line here: I'm a graduate student, and after rent, transportation, and tax, I have less than $120 to spend a month for food, drink, laundry, and so forth. So in what ways can a guy get the most bang for bastard buck?
—Evan


A: Have you ever thought about learning to play the guitar or building a time machine? The only way we know to live on $4 a day and still attain a degree of magnificence involve imminent rockstardom (and the helpful female benefactors that come with that) or inhabiting the 18th century.

Our best advice for you circa 2011 if you don't think you have it in you to be the next Axl Rose? Spend $15 a week on food. (That should get you a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs, a jar of peanut butter, a giant sack of rice, and maybe some butter.)

Devote $10 a week toward your entertainment fund, by which we mean a monthly 1.75L bottle of Bulleit. Also, get a library card. We sound like a public service announcement here, but reading is one of those rare pleasures that can be enjoyed as much by a pauper as a king.

Devote $5 a week toward your wardrobe and pay close attention to the "Classifieds" sales that Landsendcanvas.com has fairly regularly. (A new sale just started this weekend.) If you're lucky, you can pick up a polo shirt for as little as a $1.50.

It won't be as nice as a $150 polo shirt, but you will have at least one advantage on your side: The flattering silhouette of a man surviving on 2 bucks worth of food every day.

If you find that extreme hunger is making you dizzier than the bourbon is, adjust your budget accordingly — i.e., forgo the wardrobe budget for a month or two and spend more money on food. Don't ever compromise on the bourbon — that's your recreation, your health plan, and your heating bill all combined into one convenient package.

Ask the MB: Dress Shirts That Don't Look Like Dresses

Ask the MB: Dress Shirts That Don't Look Like Dresses
How do I keep my dress shirts tucked in to like a model? Shirts look great in photos and then they get all puffy and bunched up around the waist in no time flat.
—James


A: Roughly 66 percent of American men are overweight and about 25 percent are obese. Meanwhile, 100 percent of male models either have a six-pack, anemia, or both. (Plus-sized models are a strictly female phenomenon as far as we know.)

But while off-the-rack shirtmakers are happy to perpetuate oppressive ideals of masculinity (yes, we're totally joking) when creating their print ads, catalogs, and websites, they have to tailor their shirts to that tubby 66 percent if they want to make any money. If you're fit, which it sounds like you are, these shirts are going to make you look like you finished third in the latest season of The Biggest Loser (i.e., you lost some weight, but not enough to finish in the money and purchase a new wardrobe).

The solution? Places like Brooks Brothers offer slim fit dress shirts, and most dress shirt brands at a place like YOOX have a more Continental (aka "less fat American") fit.

What we've been getting into since our feature on custom dress shirts is, well, custom dress shirts. Our current fave is Chicago-based Deo Veritas run by Vinnie Sikka. They've got top quality fabrics and construction, and we've tweaked our dimensions to perfection, which for us is slim through the torso but leaving just enough excess to easily achieve artful dishevelment.

Earlier: Untucked Sport Shirts With Shorts

Ask the MB: Chukka Boots

Ask the MB: Chukka Boots
Q: What's the best chukka out there?
—CM


A: Our favorite chukka at the moment is from MB fave TST, available here. In the waning days of summer, even the casual, laid-back feel of a classic chukka boot feels too fancy for us, so we turn to the TST 2229s, which add some sneaker genes (rubber sidewall, fat cotton shoelaces) to the classic chukka's DNA. Like all TSTs, the 2229s look like they were crafted by master artisans with an awful hangover — their lines are graceful, perfectly proportioned, but undeniably shaky. We love the effect.

Even with a debt ceiling deal, at current exchange rates these are going to run you $250. Which if you ask us is actually a pretty good value for shoes you can wear at work (if you're a "creative" or a professional shoe model) and at leisure. And why would you want to be anything but a "creative" or a professional shoe model, especially in the waning days of summer?

Ask the MB: Proper Shirt With Linen Suit

Ask the MB: Proper Shirt With Linen Suit
Q: Hi - my brother is one of the groomsmen in a wedding and they are all being told they are wearing tan linen suits, white shirts and some sort of colorful tie (Florida wedding). He knows how you stand on linen, but doesn't have much choice here and is wondering what kind of white shirt goes with a linen suit. Linen? Regular dress shirt? I have to admit, I have no idea.
—Gabriela


A: Gabriela, definitely not a linen shirt. That's like the wedding equivalent of the Canadian tuxedo, aka denim on denim. And as everyone knows, you should only wear denim on denim if you're feeling lucky, punk.

What the wedding party needs is lightweight 100% cotton shirts with sewn collar and cuff interlinings, which will complement linen with their natural, artfully disheveled look. Dress shirts with fused interlinings are almost always too neat in our opinion, but they are an especially bad match with wrinkled linen suits, kind of like the shirt-suit equivalent of Crystal Harris and Hugh Hefner.

We know you didn't ask about the ties, but if you have any pull with the groom please insist they absolutely not be silk. Again, too shiny/smooth of a contrast with the linen's matte/nubs. Go for linen or a linen-cotton blend.

Earlier: How to Wear Denim on Denim, by Clint Eastwood

Ask the MB: Magnificent Bastard Cocktail Glassware

Ask the MB: Magnificent Bastard Cocktail Glassware
Q: Where can you find these glasses used in your wonderful photo promoting the concoction of the Magnificent Bastard cocktail?
—Alan


A: A cocktail glass is like a bra, Alan. Ultimately it doesn't matter how fancy it is — it's what inside that's going to make your evening. Which is our way of saying that we got those glasses at Crate & Barrel. Simple, functional, they do the job. When someone breaks a glass at one of your parties, you want them to regret the lost cocktail, not the lost glassware.

Earlier: The Magnificent Bastard Cocktail

Ask the MB: Polo Shirt Sleeve Length

Ask the MB: Polo Shirt Sleeve Length
Q: I have a bit of an issue with polo shirts. I'm 5'6 with an athletic/weight-trained physique. I normally wear either a L or XL golf/polo shirt...my issue is, the length of short sleeve. Some of these shirts come down past my elbow. Could you recommend a golf/polo shirt with a shorter length short sleeve? I'm not liking the thought of having to take them to be tailored down. Your thoughts?
—Stephen


A: We've spent $20 to have sleeves shortened on otherwise-perfect $10 t-shirts, so we know and appreciate the importance of precise sleeve length. (For tees we're not quite at Brando cap-sleeve territory, but within an inch or two.)

As for polos, anything that comes down past the elbow are for old people (top). But if you really like the shirts that have longer sleeves, pay for their shortening surgery. You won't regret it. If you're looking for shirts that already come with short sleeves, Lacoste is an obvious choice if you prefer banded sleeves, like The King used to (bottom). If you prefer no logo, J. Crew's vintage tailored polos show just enough bicep to verify your absence of a barbed-wired tattoo. Wyatt, which makes our favorite polo shirt at the moment and, as far as we can tell, is only available at bluefly, offers a similar cut with open sleeves.

Ask the MB: Suit With Patch Pocket Jacket

Ask the MB: Suit With Patch Pocket Jacket
Q: Dear MB — What are your thoughts on a suit that has patch pockets on the jacket? I'm considering a blue Margiela suit that I will wear for business, but it has patch pockets and I'm wondering if this is too casual?
—George


A: No, not too casual unless you're a banker, undertaker, 13-year-old boy, or U.S. senator. (It's definitely OK in the House.)

We love suits with jackets with patch pockets for at least three reasons.

1. Casual suits lend themselves to artful dishevelment
2. Casual suits lend themselves to more interesting tie, belt, and footwear choices than their dressier counterparts
3. With the addition of a few other pieces you can practically get a whole wardrobe out of separating a casual suit

Wear the blazer with denim, or for an especially good look, white jeans or trousers. If you're really good, shorts. Presumably the suit pants are in a similarly casual vein as the jacket, so you'll be able to wear them with a sweater, a sport shirt, or even a polo. While it has its place in board rooms, Bar Mitzvahs, and the Capitol Building, the traditional flap-pocket wool suit can't touch this.

Earlier: Ask the MB: Where Do You Buy Your Shoes?

Ask the MB: Groomsmen Gifts

Ask the MB: Groomsmen Gifts
Q: I'm struggling to figure out what I should get my groomsmen for being in my wedding. Any ideas?
—Trae


A: If it's your first marriage, you're probably relatively young and so are your groomsmen. They haven't been groomsmen at a ton of weddings yet, so we think it's safe to go with something fairly predictable and yet eminently useful to any man: A decent flask. Yes it's cliché and our endorsement might have something to do with our love affair with alcohol — did you ever think for one second this site is the product of men who are sober? — but it's the only groomsman gift we've ever received that isn't either in a landfill or hidden away in a drawer somewhere. (In fact, this gift is hidden inside our blazers' breast pockets right now.)

Anyhow, we like this Wentworth pewter flask from Kaufmann Mercantile. It's handmade in Sheffield, England, fully satisfying the principle of Anglophilia, and with the 6oz. version, also satisfying the principle of getting tight.

Now, if it's your second marriage or beyond, you need to be a little more creative. In this case, we like the Survival Hand Chain Saw from Garrett Wade. Extremely portable, weighing almost nothing, your groomsmen will find it perfect for sawing through their own arm when they need to escape that bridesmaid they're stuck under the morning after. It's not an item most guys have, but who wouldn't want to have one handy?

Ask the MB: Sunglasses Maintenance

Ask the MB: Sunglasses Maintenance
Q: MB: Based on your recommendation, I have been wearing the Persol PO0714 sunglasses. For all their moving parts, they have held up well. However, the silver hinges where the temples fold in half has become tarnished. I have asked an authorized dealer and looked on their website without any luck. Do you have any recommendations?
—Erich


A: Don't do anything rash — that bug's a feature! Tarnish is just nature's way of achieving artful dishevelement. While we don't necessarily welcome it on our soup spoons, we think a little looks great on a pair of Persols.

Now, if your silver hinges have turned black or are crusting up, that's another story. In that case, our glasses expert tells us that jeweler's rouge, applied via a cotton buffing wheel (which itself is attached to a grinding wheel), should do the trick. A good optician should offer this service.

Earlier: Tip the MB: Cary Grant Sunglasses

Ask the MB: Black or White Dialed Watch?

Ask the MB: Black or White Dialed Watch?
Q: Hello, I am just about to start college and in need of a watch. I read on the site about military-inspired watches and do love the O&W watches but they are definitely out of my price range. I diverted my attention to your other suggestion which was the J.Crew's military-inspired watch, and for $150, I think they are fairly priced. My question is, your original posts about the O&W and J.Crew watches all have black dials but I am leaning towards the white dial version of it available on J.Crew's site. Is the white dial military-inspired watch still MB-endorsed?
—Sean


A: Sean, keep in mind that a watch like the longtime MB favorite, the O & W Kartargo, is built to last for decades. Over time, a reliable watch that never goes out of style becomes a treasured, faithful companion — sort of like a tiny mechanical dog that will never shed on your clothes or shit on your rug. Viewed in this light, the Kartargo's current price of $489 is not all that extravagant. But if that truly won't work for your budget, there are other far less expensive options, especially if you are OK with a quartz movement.

For a mechanical military watch on a budget, consider the Military Watch Company's GG-W-113, which follows the specifications (PDF) issued by the U.S. government for infantry watches in 1962. (We first saw these watches at Hickorees, but unfortunately, they're currently out of stock there.) The GG-W-113 is made in Germany, it's water-resistant to 30 meters, has a hack system for anal-retentive time-setters, and it only costs $125. While the Kartargo is automatic, you will have to wind the GG-W-133 by hand, every day, for several seconds. It will seem grueling at first, but then you'll come to look forward to this little daily ritual, this brief acknowledgement that life is fragile, temporary, always in danger of running down unless you make an effort to push forward.

Oh, right, your question: What do we think about white dials? Military watches invariably feature black dials because that makes them less conspicuous in combat situations. While you probably don't need to take precautions against sniper fire in everyday life, we still greatly prefer black dials for civilian use. They're more understated than white dials, and, in our opinion, more readable too.

Ask the MB: Shawl-Collared Wedding Tuxedo

Ask the MB: Shawl-Collared Wedding Tuxedo
Q: Dear MB: My brother is getting married soon, and I've been helping him pick out a tuxedo. I won't be in a tux at the wedding, but it's gotten me thinking about what I'd like to wear when it's my turn. I'm decided on most of the details (two button, double vent) but I'm still undecided on the lapel style. I'm leaning towards a shawl collar, but my brother, who opted for a notched lapel, thinks it'll look ridiculous. Is any one of the options MB-preferred?
—Raj


A: Raj, we strongly suspect your brother is older (and hence wiser). Shawl-collared tuxedos are definitely having a moment in 2011, but so is Rebecca Black. In 18 months the only place you'll be able to find a shawl-collared tuxedo is at James Bond re-enactor parties. Or possibly on the back of Rebecca Black's prom date.

Meanwhile, while the average marriage that ends in divorce only lasts 7.8 years these days, your wedding photographs will likely prove to be as indestructible as the honey badger. Thus we strongly advocate sticking to the timeless and classic. In other words, listen to your big bro.

Earlier: Ask the MB: Wedding Suit

UPDATE: Just to clarify, since some readers have expressed concern: We are encouraging Raj to listen to his brother's advice only in regard to avoiding shawl-collared tuxedos. We didn't mean to suggest that he should eschew peak lapels, which we've previously endorsed. Either peak or notch, sticking to the timeless and classic is the best choice for wedding attire.

Ask the MB: What is the Motorcycle in the Header?

Ask the MB: What is the Motorcycle in the Header?
Q: What kind of motorcycle is that in your header? And why does he look upset that the girl is riding it in the apartment? She could bring it to my living room anytime.
—Joe


A: The bike is a 1964 Honda Dream. As for the guy, he's not upset, just surprised. But we can see where you might be confused, especially if you haven't been following the pictorial narrative we've created to illustrate the service offered by our current masthead sponsor LKc Style.

In the first image of the sequence, we showed a troubled toolbag telling his story of sartorial woe to his wardrobe therapist. In the current one, she's arriving from a shopping expedition to present him with clothing options that better reflect how he'd like to present himself to the world. He's surprised because she has returned so quickly, and because she has somehow managed to drive a cherry red 1964 Honda into his third-floor loft, even though his building only has stairs.

In other words, it's kind of Bergmanesque — allusive, visually striking, hard to follow.

There's more to come, though, so stay tuned. And be sure to check out LKc Style. We can't promise she'll arrive on a vintage sport bike, but we do think her introductory offer for MB readers is a pretty good deal.

Ask the MB: Sunglasses After Sport

Ask the MB: Sunglasses After Sport
Q: There are a few of us out here for whom summer consists of more than watching golf on TV and sipping watermelon sidecars. Your stance on sunglasses reveals an effete sensibility and offers no help to the runners, bikers, hikers, and Sunday afternoon softballers who can't exactly get away with a pair of Randolph Engineering Aviators (there, your monthly plug is taken care of). There has to be an athletic frame out there that is more practical than a fashion pair but still cool enough to get some looks at the postgame bier garten.
—Joe


A: Clearly you don't watch golf us as philosophically as we do, Joe — we're pretty sure we burn more calories scratching our heads at Phil Mickelson's questionable course management than we ever would standing in center field watching some tubby slugger who flunked Little League playing make-believe like he's Albert Pujols.

We'd also like to point out that combat-ready sunglasses qualify as hiking-ready too, even if you're anticipating some serious incoming fire from the local bluejays. Perhaps more importantly, if you're truly planning to engage in some high-level physical activity, ditching your sunglasses altogether is your best bet. When was the last time you saw an elite marathoner, a 6-time Wimbledon champ, or even a world-class sexter wearing sunglasses in the heat of battle?

As for getting looks at the postgame bier garten, there are no sunglasses on earth with the ability to make you look cool while wearing a softball uniform. So change, put on a pair of sunglasses that are purpose-built for sedentary leisure, and raise a cold one to the effete bastards who are always willing to consider life's big issues on your behalf.

Ask the MB: Boat Shoe Alternatives

Ask the MB: Boat Shoe Alternatives
Q: Boat shoes. I can't stand 'em. And I've always refused to have anything to do with them. That policy has worked fine up until now, since I've been comfortably ensconced on dry land. But now I'm going on a week-long yacht trip in the Mediterranean, and I have no idea what to wear. Is there a practical, non-naff-looking boat shoe substitute out there?
—Don


A: While the mind tends to immediately translate the term "boat shoe" into "Sperry Top-Sider" or, more generally, "those brown leather shoes with nautical rigging on the sides," the term is actually more expansive than that, at least in our minds.

A boat shoe is characterized by (a) water-resistance and (b) a non-slip sole.

Paul Sperry, creator of the iconic Sperry Top-Sider, did his most important work tackling the non-slip sole aspect of boat shoes. As the new book Icons of Men's Style recounts, Sperry bought a schooner in the early 1930s but unfortunately found himself slipping all over its deck when it got wet. To solve this problem, he first tried to make the deck less slippery, but eventually he decided it would make more sense to make his shoes more grippy. Drawing inspiration from the grooves on the pads of his cocker spaniel's paws, he created the concept of "siping" and cut grooves into a rubber sole in a herringbone-like pattern. Voila, problem solved, he'd found a shoe that allowed him to keep firm footing on the high seas.

Do you need the rest of the trappings of the Sperry Top-Sider when you leave dry land? JFK spent more time on boats than he ever did in the Oval Office, and while we don't know if he felt as strongly about classic boat shoes as you do, he did eschew them in favor of white canvas tennies. We're not sure how much traction his shoes featured — keep in mind that he was a man who was unusually sure of foot — but here are few models we think he'd endorse:

Sperry Striper CVO, $60
Seavees Army Issue Sneaker, $56
Converse Jack Purcell Racearound PH Ox, $33
Supra Wrap Shoe, $49

Finally, please note that JFK was a size 10. If you're anywhere north of that, white shoes can easily look like clown shoes. In this case add some color in the form of these Clae Zissous in Deep Navy, which are what boat shoes would look like if they aspired to be a sneakers.

Ask the MB: Espadrilles

ASOS Gingham Espadrille Shoes via asos.com, $17.24
ASOS Gingham Espadrille Shoes via asos.com. $17.24.
Q: What is your take on espadrilles?
—Bill


A: In the June 2011 GQ creative director Jim Moore stops just short of endorsing them but recognizes their popularity saying they're "a big trend this summer," and that they're best "anytime you'd wear your flip-flops." [page 58]

Even though they were invented in the 14th century (principle of archaism), and are usually made of canvas and rope (principle of organic materials), for us they fall into the footwear no-mans land between a shoe and a sandal, currently occupied by MB bête noires Sanuks and Crocs.

However, if your preferred pedicurist is booked — June is Pedicure Awareness Month, BTW — we say go for it, as long as they're a. less than 20 bucks, and b. gingham.

Earlier: Brad Pitt wears Sanuks so they're OK. Right?

Earlier: 4 year-old Rory McDermott lost the nail on his big toe thanks to Crocs. Ow!

Ask the MB: Serious Questions About Tie Width

Are you telling us a wide tie wouldn't improve Paul Weller's look?
Are you telling us a wide tie wouldn't improve Paul Weller's look?
Q: Just read your skinny tie entry and reasons for disliking. The list of people of legendary style status who favored skinny ties is endless. Fat ties are the choice of Vegas club doormen, the kind you can smell from 10 feet away and wear Affliction in their off time. The reasoning (more for your money) is beyond me, and goes against your own tastes in the few entries I've read - a pleat gives you more more material for your money, so does a tassel on a shoe, and nearly every bad thing about clothing is about addition. The guys on sportscenter and The Sopranos vs. Paul Weller, JFK, Miles Davis. You should really rethink this one.
—Chuck


A: Loosen up your tie and relax, Chuck! At MB, we believe that giving our readers a good deal on a great tie calls for levity, not complete seriousness, and thus our joke about preferencing wider ties over skinny ones because you get "more for your money" was just that, a joke.

Rest assured that our often-expressed preference for wider ties has a sound aesthetic foundation. In short, we believe that one's tie width should echo the width of one's lapels, within 1/4". If you're like us and subscribe to Tom Ford's way of thinking that wider lapels "make men look more masculine, less boyish, and in general more powerful," it follows that one's ties should be equivalently wide.

These days lapels are following Ford's inevitable lead and fattening up, nearly as much as Christina Aguilera. Michael Bastian, who just won Menswear Designer of the Year, won't sell you a blazer with a lapel under 3 1/4". Others will soon follow.

As for pleats and tassels, you are absolutely correct, and if you ever catching us recommending them, even in jest, please reprimand us accordingly. There are some things that should never be joked about.

Earlier: Michael Bastian Forced to Shop at J.Crew?

Earlier: 5 Incoming Style Trends to Avoid, including tasseled loafers and pleats.

Ask the MB: Prince William's Big Hat

Ask the MB: Prince William's Big Hat
Q: Is it considered MB to wear an animal's entire wardrobe on your head?
—Ev345


A: Well, it's pretty magnificent to be heir to the throne of the fading empire that gave us the Magna Carta and golf, and wearing hats like the one Prince William was wearing this weekend is part of the job description.

As for anyone else? William's bearskin hat is certainly characterized by a senseless lack of utility, and scores high on archaism, organic materials, and Anglophilia as well. But its primary historical purpose — to make a soldier look bigger and more imposing in battle — violates the principle of understatement and essentially establishes the garment as elevator shoes for your head.

As you allude to, the standard hat of the British Foot Gaurds is made out of an entire bearskin. It weighs 1.5 lbs. and, most consequentially, stands 18.5 inches high. Getting in and out of limos and taxis would be a huge hassle while wearing one of these things, so until horseback reemerges as the predominant form of travel, we say "pass."

Ask the MB: Sleeve Rolling to the Right Height

Ask the MB: Sleeve Rolling to the Right Height
Q: While rolling my sleeves above the elbow just seems natural to me, I find myself wondering how high they should be rolled? I've noticed you endorsed Alex Rodriguez's above the bicep rolling, but that seems like showing off the biceps a little too much, which would violate the MB rule of understatement.
—Brian


A: In hindsight we acknowledge the Alex Rodriguez post too strongly endorsed his excessively high sleeve rolling in our haste to make a joke about him still being on the juice. We regret that we may have misled some readers into inappropriate bicep/tricep exposure, and would like to take this opportunity to offer some more thoughts on the subtle art of sleeve-rolling.

As we explained in our initial post on this topic, you want the sleeve to end up enough over your elbow to give a phlebotomist a clear shot at your medial cubital vein. But don't get carried away. A good phlebotomist doesn't need a lot of room in which to work.

Much like the tip of your tie should kiss the top of your pants in the way you kiss your best friend's wife, your rolled-up sleeves should kiss your elbows like you kiss your wife or girlfriend's mother — which is to say, even more temperately than you kiss your best friend's wife.

How can you tell if you've gone too far? If you can fit a blood pressure cuff in the gap between your sleeves and your elbow.

Ask the MB: Wimbledon Jacket

Ask the MB: Wimbledon Jacket
Q: I'll be traveling across the pond to see Wimbledon next month and I'd like to strike a balance between artful dishevelment and weather preparedness. What would you suggest in the way of light outerwear that would be appropriate for Centre Court and/or tea with William and Kate?
—Eric


A: An obvious choice is the classic and almost entirely logo-free "Made in England" Baracuta Harrington G9. It's got a touch of Teflon to repel the inevitable rain delay, and it has long been the choice of stylish Yanks (McQueen, Sinatra) adept at adding a note of elegance to even the most casual look. But it doesn't offer much in the way of artful dishevelment or surprise. Kate will be bored.

Instead, we recommend this bonded blouson, a collaboration between iconic British brand Barbour and Japanese designer Tokihito Yoshida. Barbour's almost as old as Wimbledon itself, and holds three royal warrants for its waterproof and protective clothing. (What, you don't know what a royal warrant is? Brush up on your Anglophilia.)

Tokihito infuses Barbour's classic style with some 21st century urban streamlining. With their traditional abundance of pockets, buckles, and heavy waxed cotton, much of Barbour's stock is a little too busy for us. But this collaboration is strikingly pared down, retaining just enough flaps and buttons and zipper pulls to provide some texture for the artful dishevelment you seek.

Note: Prices on this range from $245 to $450, so shop around.

Earlier: Rafael Nadal: A weird combination of Menudo and Rambo.

Earlier: Umbrella recommendations.

Ask the MB: Stylish Surgeon Shoes

Ask the MB: Stylish Surgeon Shoes
Q: Hey guys. Long-time reader, can't tell you how much I love the site. I wear scrubs (sky blue) most days of the week and am looking for dark-colored footwear that strikes a balance between professionalism, function and style. I don't want my patients doubting I know what I am talking about, but would also like something MB enough to score some points with the talented nursing staff (it would also be a plus if they were a bit blood-resistant for the operating room). Shoes are essentially the only clothing item I have any control over so I feel like I really need to nail it here. I'd appreciate any suggestions, I trust you won't steer me wrong.

Keep up the strong work,
—BB


A: Doc, you want a blood-resistant shoe that's professional, comfortable, stylish and goes with sky blue scrubs? That's a tough prescription to fill.

On the other hand, the last time we went under the knife everyone in the OR was wearing Crocs, so you do have the advantage of low expectations working in your favor. Indeed, it's hard to imagine footwear less resistant to blood than Crocs — all those holes must mean the country's surgeons possess a lot of DIY polka dot socks!

Given that scrubs are essentially sweats for medical personnel, we think you should go with something that's obviously sporty, like these navy nylon and black leather sneakers from Prada. They'll communicate professionalism to your patients and style to the talented nursing staff, while being comfortable during surgery and easy to clean in case that angioplasty patient has really high blood pressure. At $336 a pair, they're not cheap, but that's what Medicare's for, right?

Ask the MB: It's Linen Wearing Season

Ask the MB: It's Linen Wearing Season
Q: We know the MB views linen suits as having too much dishevelment regardless of any artfulness. And this MB agrees. But now Indochino offers suits that are 55% linen and 45% cotton. Does this blend allow them to avoid the problems of shape retention and excessive wrinkling? Please advise.
—James

Q: Does the warning against linen apply to shirts as well as to pants?
—Jerry


A: Every year about this time we're asked whether there's any sort of special dispensation for wearing linen given our feature Linen: It Sucks. Not really.

Don't be seduced by models wearing perfectly puckered linen shirts. Linen shirts are made out of the same thing as linen pants: Linen. And thus they fall prey to the same problems, veering disastrously from artful dishevelment to plain dishevelment within minutes of wearing.

As for the suit, we've previously argued that whatever material linen is blended with, that material must retain at least a 51% ownership stake. The Indochino suit misses this requirement by 6 percent. While it may not wrinkle as fast as, say, 37-year-old Kate Moss, it will still wrinkle faster than you'd like, even if it never touches a cigarette.

Where is 50%+ linen OK? Whenever the article in question is not expected to sheathe entire limbs — scarves, pocket squares, dinner party napkins, or ties like this black and almost-white gingham from Nashville, TN tiemaker Otis James are all acceptable.

Ask the MB: Monograms

Ask the MB: Monograms
Q: I've searched the MB site and been a long time reader but cannot find anything about monograms. Pockets, cuffs? Which if either is Magnificent? A reputation is hanging on this. Thanks.
—T


A: In the context of clothing, monograms started out as a way for rich people to communicate with their launderers. "These are my shirts," a monogram says. "Return them to me, not Saltonstall."

Over time, monograms evolved into a way for anyone to communicate with people who can't afford a Kindle. "I can afford to spend $5 extra per shirt at Lands' End," a monogram says. "Meanwhile, you're just sitting there reading my shirt. Dick." Do you get what we're saying here? Monograms violate the principle of understatement, and are best left to the Donald Trumps of the world.

Plus, monograms are essentially tattoos for your clothes, and therefore just as superfluous on a truly beautiful shirt as, say, a tiny butterfly would be on Pippa Middleton's ass. Why further adorn that which is already perfect?

Ask the MB: Kentucky Derby Shoes

Victoria Gotti (top); Churchill Downs (bottom)
Victoria Gotti (top); Churchill Downs (bottom)
Q: If one were lucky enough to own, hypothetically speaking of course, a horse that were talented enough to qualify for the Kentucky Derby, what could one wear in so far as footwear that would be appropriate? Would, say, Santoni double monk straps sans socks be too ridiculous? Hypothetically speaking, of course.
—Fish


A: It's the Kentucky Derby, not the Kentucky Loafer. You could be wearing a pair of live flaming kittens on your feet — no one's going to notice. The Kentucky Derby is all about hats. Hats that would make Princess Beatrice say "What the fuck is that on your head? A designer extension cord? A pterodactyl's vacation home?"

Now, about those Santonis. The degree of difficulty is obviously very high, and unless you're a clotheshorse with a very good pedigree, we recommend them only for occasions where the collective blood alcohol level is .10 or higher. But that's exactly where you're headed, so we say go for them. Spending $1000 on shoes to wear in a setting where they're guaranteed to get overlooked takes senseless lack of utility to a level that makes us want to put a tiny replica of Churchill Downs on our heads, just so we can take it off to you.

Good luck on Saturday.

Earlier: Spring/Summer Looks. MB Endorses: Exposed Ankles

Earlier: Ask the MB: Kentucky Derby


Ask the MB: Express Dress Shirts

Ask the MB: Express Dress Shirts
Q: Hi. I am a college student with an athletic build and I am going to be starting a job that requires a shirt and tie. I am going shopping soon to get some clothes to start off with and was looking at the Express Mens 1MX shirts. They seem to have a good fit, what your take? Thanks
—Matthew


A: We are not familiar with the Express Mens 1MX shirt, and we have to say, any garment with a name that would work as well for a missile as a shirt gives us pause. But the 1MX does seem to have quite a cult following: the Express 1MX Modern Fit is averaging 4.8 stars (out of a possible 5) over 266 reviews, and the Express 1MX Fitted is doing almost as well, averaging 4.6 stars over 164 reviews.

The only thing more highly rated than these shirts is the news of Osama bin Laden's death.

Additionally, many reviewers own dozens of these things, and some even claim to have one in every flavor — that's 22 shirts!

Oh, did we say flavor? We meant color. Unfortunately, many of these shirts come in colors that remind us of sherbet and may lead you down paths you don't want to go. "You can not go wrong with this shirt," one poor bastard writes. "It fits great and there are so many color varieties available its almost impossible to not find the color you want. My girlfriend wanted to wear matching colors for a Christmas photo, and she wanted purple, and it was not hard to find."

Still, we agree that the fit looks good, though, and while it may surprise some of our readers, we are fans of stretch cotton — which is to say, cotton spiked with a splash of spandex or elastene to add a note of comfort and keep maintenance to a minimum. (Retrieve a good stretch cotton shirt from the dryer at the right time and you're done, no ironing necessary.)

And at $59.90 a shirt, or $89.85 for two, these 1MX shirts are affordable enough to take a chance on. If you get one, we recommend you go with True White.

But before you go that route, do some digging at yoox.com and see if you can find a white or blue stretch or 100% cotton dress shirt from Costume National or Ferre' for a price that makes sense for you. They'll have an equally good fit, mother of pearl buttons, and construction that will last more than a 1/2 dozen trips to the cleaners. (Even when there's no ironing involved, laundry is something we prefer to do only in emergencies.)

Ask the MB: Bow Ties

Ask the MB: Bow Ties
Q: Bow Ties? If, where and how?
—Ryan

Q: Bow Ties? Bastardly or schmuck? Thanks fellas.
—Fidel


A: In their February, 2008 issue, GQ declared bow ties back, and we declared them MB-appropriate only for summer weddings (in madras) and black tie.

More than three years later, GQ's recommendation has finally been adopted by top-rated NFL prospects, as two of the top 13 picks wore bow ties on Thursday night at Radio City Music Hall in what we believe to be the first-ever bow tie sightings at an NFL draft. #6 pick Julio Jones wore one that looked like a silver version of a Chippendale's pre-tied (top), and #13 pick Nick Fairley wore a paisley BT that, while clearly hand-tied, was still far too neat (middle).

Of all men's accessories, it's the bow tie that demands strictest adherence to the MB principle of artful dishevelment. Perfect bilateral symmetry should be reserved for breasts and butterflies.

To properly tie a bow tie, first drink three martinis very quickly. Then, close your eyes and follow the instructions from the guide below. When you're finished, your tie should be noticeably askew, with uneven ends and at least one of the rear loops exposed, as Winston Churchill (215 lbs., 6.5 second 40, never drafted) demonstrates (bottom).

If you do have an event that calls for a bow tie, one of our grandfathers gave us this "how to tie a bow tie" guide that came in handy as young lads when we wanted to learn how to do it.

Ask the MB: Boast USA

Ask the MB: Boast USA
Q: Boast USA; I think their polos are pretty MB. Yay or nay?
—Chris


A: In Pulaski, Wisconsin, circa 1985, the closest thing we had to a country club was the dart board at the American Legion. So we were unfamiliar with Boast until we started see it showing up on other websites last fall.

At first we figured J. Peterman was trying to outdo himself by inventing the backstory for an entire brand rather than a single piece of apparel. A brand named after a squash shot, started by a Greenwich, Connecticut tennis pro in the 1970s, worn by John Updike, Roscoe Tanner, and a young, crackhead-skinny G.W. Bush? And bearing a logo that looks like a marijuana leaf but is in fact a leaf from one of our favorite trees, the japanese maple? It all sounded a little too good to be true. Especially since when you look at the logos on various vintage shots of the shirts, they all seem to have been harvested at different times — that's a lot of variation in the size of that leaf.

So we did what all serious investigative journalists do when trying to nail down the facts. We poured ourselves some Macallan 18* and started watching Risky Business, which was said to feature a Boast shirt in it. A dozen or so ounces later, there it was, at 1:08:20. Case closed. The brand and its history appear to be as real as Teri Hatcher's breasts.

Anyway. Onward to your question. We like the brand and we especially like their tipped polo. We'd like it even better if it came with no logo whatsoever, but even as is, we still think it's sharp enough for darts at the American Legion. And if there were a tennis court anywhere within ten miles of here, we'd be wearing it there too.

* Why weren't we drinkings MBs? Because we were working, and we save MBs strictly for our leisure hours.

Ask the MB: Mojitos

The Caipirinha
The Caipirinha
Q: What's wrong with a mojito now and then?
—Pete


A: Here are a few guidelines we try to keep in mind while mixing drinks:

1) If it's so sweet it makes your teeth ache, it's not a proper cocktail.
2) If it's got enough fresh produce in it to qualify as a salad, it's not a proper cocktail.
3) If it looks like it would feel right at home on the drinks menu at Chili's or The Cheesecake Factory, it's not a proper cocktail.

Sorry, Papa, mojitos score a perfect 3 for 3 on this list — we cannot drink mojitos.

A better summer cocktail? The caipirinha, aka the national cocktail of Brazil. (Here's how you pronounce it.)

Where mojitos use rum, derived from molasses, caipirinhas use cachaça, a Brazilian liquor distilled from sugarcane juice. It's sweet but light, and thus more appropriate for summer. Even more importantly, the absence of mint leaves in a caipirinha means you can drink them without worrying that your smile is doing an Alexander Ovechkin impression.

Make sure you use a quality cachaça. As usual, price is a reliable guide. We recommend Leblon, because of its consistent quality and dedication to creating videos like this.

OK, where were we? Right. Caipirinhas.

Try the MB version of the classic recipe below. Depending on the amount of juice in the limes, you may need to adjust the amount of limes and sugar used. Once you have it balanced, feel free to adjust the flavor with a few dashes of bitters. We've been using Fee Brothers' Grapefruit Bitters.

Caipirinha
1/2 lime cut into wedges
2 raw sugar cubes
2 oz Leblon cachaça

In the bottom of a boston shaker, muddle the lime wedges and sugar. Top with the cachaça and several ice cubes, cover and shake aggressively. Pour entire contents into a rocks glass.

Ask the MB: Swim Shirts (and Swim Shorts)

Calder Trunk via onia.com, $140.00
Calder Trunk via onia.com. $140.00.
Q: MB, Seeing as how swimsuit season is quickly approaching, what's your take on compression swim shirts? Not all of us have the chiseled physique of Fight Club-era Brad Pitt. I'm not overweight, but keeping certain parts constrained could be a positive thing this summer.
—George


A: Unless you're scheduled to compete in a 4x100 relay we say leave the compression swim shirt at home. Wear one while you're swimming in a non-Olympic-size pool, and you're basically transmitting one of the following messages, or even worse, maybe both: 1) You have a third nipple, a gut, or an unfortunate tattoo, and you're very self-conscious about it. 2) You really really want to beat that third-grader in a race to the deep end.

In other words, wearing a compression shirt in a non-competitive environment is like Donald Trump's combover, except worse. In both cases, the cure is worse than the disease.

As for swim shorts, we like Onia this season. Super simple, solid color and subtle print trunks and board shorts made in New York City from top-notch Japanese technical fabric. The fitter you are, the better they'll look, but they are somewhat more forgiving than, say, Parke and Ronen while staying safely away from the sort of baggy, over-the-knee style favored by The Situation.

Use the code onia20 to get 20% off your order. Here are some more pics for a closer look.

Ask the MB: European Vacation Walking Shoes

Ask the MB: European Vacation Walking Shoes
Q: I'm heading to Europe this summer for a few weeks of tromping around. I need some footwear advice - I'm looking for something that can support LOTS of walking around being on my feet all day, and doesn't scream 'American Toolbag'. Bonus for something that works with pants and shorts, but I'd be willing to get two pairs to cover both ends of summer bottoms. Thoughts?
—Peter


A: Peter, a trip to Europe is definitely time to heed Tom Ford's five easy lessons in how to become a modern gentleman and leave the shorts at home. You might not scream "American Toolbag" in them, but unless you're at the beach or in the midst of a 5-setter you definitely scream "American."

Not that that's necessarily a bad thing. For previous questions regarding European travel we've endorsed getting your American on — your feet — and for your excessively ambulant vacation we suggest you get into a pair of Cole Haan Air Mercury lace oxfords.

They don't have the pedigree of some more iconic trailblazers in the casual sneaker field — Chucks, PF Flyers, Tretorn T56s. But if you're doing lots — and especially if you're doing LOTS — of walking, we recommend the Air Mercurys. There's a reason why America embraced car culture so enthusiastically — walking in Chucks can turn your feet into bloody stumps even faster than Jigsaw or Freddie Kreuger can. Go with the Air Mercurys and you should be good for at least 15-mile days if necessary. (The black ones are on sale at colehaan.com for just $59.95).

As for that other pair of shoes you offered to pack, definitely bring along some loafers for after the sun goes down.

Earlier: Ask the MB: French Honeymoon

Ask the MB: Groomsmen Suits

Jim Toth married Reese Witherspoon in a charcoal suit (peak lapel and spread collar another matter entirely). We're just sayin'.
Jim Toth married Reese Witherspoon in a charcoal suit (peak lapel and spread collar another matter entirely). We're just sayin'.
Q: I've lost he fight to elope over a planned wedding and now have get my order in to Indochino so the guys aren't in horrible black rental polyester bags. Is dressing up a Basic Black Suit with self tied bow tie acceptable? Or should I go for The Dinner Jacket Tuxedo? My party is a mix of undergrad, post grad and professionals so going for the suit is a useful expense for everybody but for some the tux would never be used again. I like the simple classic look of either one but is the Tuxedo more MB?
—Chris


Eloping is a battle well worth fighting but all is not lost. Retreat and live to fight another day — if all goes well, you'll be fighting these battles for the rest of your life. (Next skirmish: Should you wear a wedding ring?)

As for the wedding party, definitely go for the suit vs. the tuxedo. Why burden your best friends with a purchase some will never wear again? As for the suit, we strongly recommend charcoal grey over black. This is a wedding, not a funeral or a mob hit. Plus your groomsmen can safely and confidently wear it again to their first job interview, next wedding, dinner, you name it. In fact, if your marriage lasts — we wish you all the best — they'll be able to wear it to your 50th anniversary party. Charcoal grey suits never go out of style.

Earlier: Prince William Gets Ready to Tie the Knot, MB-Style
Earlier: Magnificent Bastard Wedding Ring Guide

Ask the MB: Heirloom Engagement Ring Part II

Ask the MB: Heirloom Engagement Ring Part II
Q: Regarding your 3/29/11 "Heirloom Engagement Ring" post, if one's parents have volunteered a family heirloom ring for the engagement of their dear daughter, what is the best approach in setting forth such ring for the soon-to-be betrothed aspiring MB?
— Laurie


Ed. note: As Laurie stated, this question is a follow-up to the heirloom diamond question. Since the Spectacular Bitch answered that one, here she is again.

A: Oh, Laurie! I am simply all a'dither! Do you know Shane? Are you two young love birds getting ready to take the plunge? How very exciting! Congratulations!

Now, if I understand your question correctly, you are wondering how to avoid the decidedly unromantic prospect of your mother giving you the ring, you giving the ring to your beau, so that he can turn around and give it back to you when he proposes. Just because you are lucky enough to have an heirloom diamond heading your way, is no reason you two should be deprived of the romance inherent in a proposal.

Here's how it's going to work. Shane will pay a visit to your parents to ask for your hand in marriage, not because you need their permission, but because it's an honorable thing to do and your parents will be tickled. Hopefully, it will go swimmingly. Your dad will get all red in the face and clap Shane on the back while your mother weeps and struggles to get that ring off her finger to give to Shane. It may be slightly ambiguous whether she's crying about losing a daughter, losing a diamond, or gaining the awesome Shane, which only adds to the dramatic tension of the moment. All good. Shane will need to keep the ring safe until such time as he is ready to propose to you.

Now for the practicalities. The last thing you want is for your guy to have to ask for that ring if your mom is so flustered she fails to cough it up. You need a third party (siblings work well for this) to give your parents a small heads up, so that they are adequately prepared for Shane's visit, with the ring and some cocktails at the ready. If you don't have siblings, then you can leave your laptop open to this post in a conspicuous location and they'll get the message. In short, the ring needs to go directly to Shane and you two can deal with making it right for you after the proposal.

Best of luck, dear, and DO keep me posted!

SB

Ask the MB: Alternative Optics

Ask the MB: Alternative Optics
Q: Is it okay to kill a tree to make sunglasses?
— Chris


A: We've noticed this trend too, Chris, and we admire the business model. The more trees you turn into sunglass frames, the hotter the planet gets, the more sunglasses you need. It's what economists call a virtuous circle.

We're kidding, of course, because trees are a sustainable resource. (These days, plastic sunglasses are a sustainable resource too — something's gotta be done with all those empty bottled water containers and more and more sunglass manufacturers are making frames using recycled materials.)

So, yes, it's okay to kill a tree to make sunglasses. Plus, you'll be adhering to the MB principle of organic materials if your frames are made out of wood. If you're looking for something specific, we like Shwood's Oswald frames in walnut. Hand-crafted in Portland, Oregon, they look both sleek and a little artfully disheveled, because they don't quite have that perfectly machined look of plastic frames. We're pretty sure Cary Grant would approve.

Ask the MB: Shark Jumping

Ask the MB: Shark Jumping
Q: As much as despise the phrase "jumping the shark," it appears that MB has done so with the last two posts. How can MB endorse a hoodie? I remember reading past articles that the hoodie was replacing the track jacket and a true MB should avoid this trend....now you have endorsed a fleece Columbia hoodie. Secondly, Sheex sheets. What about your mantra of organic materials only? These sheets are made of polyester. Should I throw out the advice of high thread count sheets and replace with this work out wear bedding? Very confused right now.
—ML


A: ML, both the hoodie and bedsheets posts were in celebration of April Fools' Day.

Gotcha.

As you stated, the 82% microfiber polyester and 18% Lycra Spandex SHEEX grossly violate the MB principle of organic materials. They also violate the MB principle of "Never buy anything 'The Situation' probably owns."

We've previously recommended high thread-count Tencel for the warmer months. They're also good year-round for the warmer-blooded, and of course, for those hot, sweaty chicks you bring back home from the club.

In its inexorable drive towards being Wal Mart, Target has stopped selling the popular, MB-recommended cotton sheets, so we suggest buying as high a thread count you can afford made by Sferra. They're expensive (and don't have the wet spot wicking power of SHEEX) but are well worth the money. You can find them occasionally at Gilt Home. (Drop us an email if you still need an invite.)

As for the Koozie Hoodie, with a built-in bottle opener and two beer bottle holders, well, we think Columbia might be fooling everybody 365 days a year.

Ask the MB: Bedsheets

Ask the MB: Bedsheets
Q: Just broke up with my girlfriend, so now it's a new apartment, new bed, new bedsheets. Checked the first two off my list, but stuck on the sheets. What does an MB sleep on at night — Egyptian cotton, silk, cashmere? Please advise.
—AF


AF, some people look at sleep as an opportunity to just lay around all night and accomplish nothing. To be honest, we used to be that way too — until we discovered SHEEX luxury performance bedsheets. Made from the finest professional quality athletic fabrics, SHEEX bedding breathes 50 percent better than traditional bedding and transfers body heat twice as effectively as cotton. We're not sleep scientists or anything, but we estimate that we're sleeping at least 50 percent harder than we used to sleep, and we're definitely waking up more refreshed and alert than we have in years.

Needless to say, these things also perform awesomely when you score a hot, sweaty chick at the club and bring her back to your place. The quick-dry engineering built right into SHEEX wicks moisture away from her skin, so you can get your grind on without having to pull out every move from your MMA playbook just to keep her from sliding off the side of your bed. Plus, no fighting over who sleeps in the wet spot, because SHEEX wicks away wet spots up to 75 percent faster than traditional cotton bedding. We could tell you more about SHEEX's 4-way stretch microfibers and the unrestricted movement they facilitate, but we want to keep this post relatively safe for work.

Ask the MB: How to 'Rock' Shorts. Or Not.

Your shorts are draining the lifeblood from Tom Ford
Your shorts are draining the lifeblood from Tom Ford
Q: Dear MB: How does an MB rock shorts? I know, I know, a real MB shouldn't wear shorts, but in some parts of the country summer gets too hot for pants. 115 degrees. Looking back at your earlier posts about shorts, the MB short has an 8"-8.5" inseam. Thanks for the help.
--Larry


A: In the S/S issue of Another Man, Tom Ford offers five easy lessons on how to become a modern gentleman. Fifth on his list: "A man should never wear shorts in the city. Flip-flops and shorts in the city are never appropriate. Shorts should only be worn on the tennis court or on the beach."

We would add "golf course." Except if you play with glow-in-the-dark golf balls: Never wear shorts after the sun goes down.

As for inseam, we definitely prefer shorter over longer, lest you veer into over-the-knee toolbag territory. Unfortunately, this season designers have adopted longer inseams with small leg openings, in what look like skinny pants amputated at the knee. But there are still sensible, comfortable shorts out there that don't require cuff rolling, like Raf Simons/Fred Perry for tennis, Lightning Bolt for the beach, and Fred Perry (solo) for the course.

Earlier: For women, we endorse even shorter shorts.

Ask the MB: Is Omega the Best House on Campus?

Delta House, Faber College, 1963
Delta House, Faber College, 1963
Q: I am a longtime reader, and am now college-bound. Do MBs belong to fraternities, and if so, what attributes due their frats have?
--Sam


A: Sam, it sounds like you've been reading Magnificent Bastard since before you were old enough to shave — so we're not exactly sure what college can teach you. If you're determined to go, though, and determined to join a frat, here's the best advice we can give you. It's all about the bros.

Yes, we just said bros, without any intentional irony. But it's the truth. Don't judge a house based on its physical amenities, on its reputation with the local co-eds, or even on the quality of its in-house cook.

It's college, and one way or another, you're going to get your fill of drunken sorority girls, awful malt liquor, and only slightly better ditchweed. But no matter how much time you spend chasing Alpha Chis, you're going to spend even more time hanging out with your bros for hours on end as you blow off Sociology 101 and wait for morning to turn into mid-morning so you can have that first beer of the day without feeling like a total degenerate. Find some guys whose antics you're pretty sure you will find entertaining even when you're so hungover just clicking the remote feels like performing brain surgery, and you will likely end up with an education not even poet laureates and Nobel Prize-winners could provide.

Ask the MB: Heirloom Engagement Ring

Ask the MB: Heirloom Engagement Ring
Q: Dear MB: My girlfriend and I are about to be engaged and her mother offered us her heirloom diamond for the ring. My girlfriend loves the idea, but I've always thought it was the guy's job to buy his girl her engagement ring. Am I being too old-fashioned? Perhaps you or your spectacular counterpart have some insight? Thank you
-- Shane


Ed. note: We let the Spectacular Bitch handle this one.

A: Darling Shane,

While it is very MB of you to want to buy your lady an engagement ring, you may rest easy and follow the age-old golden maxim of engagement rings: If there's an heirloom to be had, you tap that shit.

Never, ever, ever, let a good diamond go to waste, chickadee. Also understand that mothers have a funny fixation about passing valuables to their daughters (as opposed to sons, who might marry a trollop who could trollop away with the goods), so you'll be granting your future mother-in-law a touch of peace.

You won't exactly be getting off scot free, because there's the small matter of putting that heirloom diamond into a setting, which your fiancee should choose and you should pay for. If the diamond is already in a ring and your lady likes it as is, you foot the bill for the tune-up, which includes cleaning, resizing, and a check of structural integrity with a reputable jeweler. Either way, if you have some cash left over after all is said and done, save it for a pretty bauble on your first anniversary.

Best wishes.

Love,

SB

Ask the MB: Women's Glasses for Getting Passes

Ask the MB: Women's Glasses for Getting Passes
Q: I'm a 19-year-old girl looking for the perfect pair of eyeglasses. I generally prefer angular frames to round ones. What would you suggest to be worthy of magnificent bastards? I'm currently wearing these from Elizabeth Arden. Don't judge too harshly, they were affordable.
--Kate


A: Kate, we recommend a fuller frame vs. the narrow style like your Elizabeth Ardens; the latter is a little too common and expected. Full, angular frames coupled with a dash of artful dishevelment — as demonstrated by MB crush Suzy Kendall in 1967's To Sir, With Love — make you unpredictable, and possibly irresistible. Dorothy Parker was wrong.

As usual, we recommend starting off at allynscura.com's vintage section and poking around. They just don't make 'em like they used to. If you don't find what you're looking for try Warby Parker's women's frames like the Roosevelt or the Pierce. Warby Parker's frames + lenses are $95 (just 2 bucks more than the EA frames you're wearing now).

Ask the MB: OBEY x Generic Surplus Plimsoll Boat Shoe

Ask the MB: OBEY x Generic Surplus Plimsoll Boat Shoe
Q: Hey guys: Love the website, and a couple of times it's stopped me from making a fashion mistake - I appreciate it. Anyway, I saw these on Gear Patrol and wondered what you thought. They're not crocs or thongs, and I thought the blue ones would look good with some white jeans. I will defer to your expertise though.
--David


A: Obey and Generic Surplus are both brands we like, but this plimsoll-boat shoe fusion (top) has us imagining comical sunburn patterns we'd just as soon avoid. We say: Women alone should bear the risk of skin-exposing mesh (bottom).

If you want a navy boat shoe, there is always Sperry, of course, but we also like the Oak Street Bootmakers version, made from Horween Chromexcel and handcrafted and handstitched in the USA.

As for navy plimsolls, Lyle and Scott's version hail from the island where the word was invented, and we also really like Superga's take on them.

Finally, we applaud your choice of white jeans. Here in the upper midwest we're just weeks away from being able to wear them, and tomorrow we'll list a few of our favorites.

Ask the MB: Stain Removal

Ask the MB: Stain Removal
Q: I have a blue on white gingham shirt that's developed a little bit of yellowing around the collar. I obviously can't hit it with bleach, and I'd rather not replace it because it just isn't any ordinary gingham. Is there a reliable cure for this?
--John


A: While we aim for artful dishevelment, a life that produces no stains at all is a life that is being too carefully led. What we're saying is we've experimented with quite a few cleaning products over the years, and what we've found is that 2 parts Ivory liquid dishsoap combined with 3 parts OxiClean creates an unstoppable stain-fighting paste. Don't let the fact that the man who turned OxiClean into a household staple, Billy Mays, was also the man who tried to sell America spray-on grass (Green Now!) and a tie with a pocket to store your iPod in (iTie). OxiClean really does work like magic and Mays, who was always the best-laundered huckster on TV, was proof of this fact.

Ask the MB: Doc Martens

Dr. Klaus Märtens and Dr. Herbert Funck
Dr. Klaus Märtens and Dr. Herbert Funck
Q: Seeking to embrace the inner bastard, I have increased the number of blazers in my wardrobe and the only writing on my t-shirts is if I am exercising or sleeping in them. One wardrobe staple of mine from the past many years does not appear to be mentioned as truly bastard-worthy and I am concerned. What says the MB on my basic black, made in England (Anglophile approved, I should hope) Doc Martens?
--Christopher


A: Christopher, you're on the right track -- the number of blazers in your closet should always exceed the total word count on your entire wardrobe. If you ever find yourself with more words than blazers, you either have to throw out some of your t-shirts or buy more blazers. (BTW, we're counting our WikiLeaks sweatshirts as one word).

Now we just need to work on your footwear; there's a reason why you haven't seen a DM recommendation here.

The Anglophilic pedigree of Dr. Martens is not nearly as strong as most people think. They were invented in 1945 by German army doctor Klaus Märtens, who hurt his foot while skiing in the Alps. While recovering from his injury, he designed a recuperative boot with soft leather and air-padded soles. So essentially Doc Martens are orthopedic Nazi shoes, and they certainly look the part!

(The Anglophiliac connection? In 1959, a British company, R. Griggs Group Ltd., acquired the rights to make and sell the shoes in the U.K.)

Browse our shoes channel and you'll find lots of far less clunky, more appropriate footwear options for your new and improved look.

Ask the MB: Hart Schaffner Marx

Ask the MB: Hart Schaffner Marx
Q: Hey I was wondering what your opinion of Hart Schaffner Marx is? I don't see any reviews of them on your website! I know they own a lot of other brands, but is their flagship brand quality? I've recently seen a lot of their suits and ties on sale at deep discount and was wondering if its worth buying.
-Rob


A: Rob, you're seeing Hart Schaffner Marx suits and ties on deep discount because the brand's leading model, President Barack Obama, has just a 47% approval rating. That, and fewer and fewer people who aren't either running America or dull but important Fortune 500 companies wear worsted wool suits with jackets running past the crotch, pleated trousers, and shiny silk power ties anymore.

Don't get us wrong. We give thanks to HSM every time we pee after drinking a few too many MBs -- the company was the first to introduce zippers to men's pants in 1936. And HSM suits clearly exhibit the sort of well-made craftsmanship that can only come from Midwestern fingers made strong and beefy from a livable union wage. But it's just not a look we'd ever choose for ourselves, even if that means we'll never be able to obtain the Democratic nomination or, say, occupy the top box in the org chart at ConocoPhillips.

MB Endorses: Heavy consumption of the Magnificent Bastard Cocktail.

Ask the MB: John Lennon's Clip-On Sunglasses

Ask the MB: John Lennon's Clip-On Sunglasses
Q: Your 5/25/10 post on the John Lennon clip-on sunglasses is interesting but impossible to find. I've worn P3's for years. Good enough to storm the beach at Normandy, still good enough for me. But P4's? Can't find them and I've asked some old optometrists and they've never heard of them either. Google doesn't turn up any clues either. Any suggestions?
--Scott


A: We've asked our glasses expert for further clarification. "Even people in the industry don't use the terms 'P3' or 'P4' correctly, or at all," he says. "Find 3 people who use the words, and you'll get 3 different explanations, ranging from 'It's a military code word for the frame style,' to 'It's the relationship between the a and b dimensions.'

"Our understanding is that P3 refers to '3 points' -- the P3 shape is like a rounded, upside down triangle ... it has 3 points. Similarly, a P4 has 4 points and is usually a trapezoidal shape. If you look carefully at the photo of Lennon with sunglass clips, you can make out that he has P3 frames underneath and a P4 sunglass clip over them."

To attain the same effect, we recommend you purchase these vintage Polaroid aviator clip-ons. That way, your brain can imagine the world living as one all it wants, but your face will be packing the fire-power of two branches of our Armed Forces.

MB Recommends: If you don't already own a pair of P3s, we like Randolph Engineering's brand-new 49mm take on them.

Ask the MB: Monocle

Ask the MB: Monocle
Q: I recently found out that I no longer need glasses, but whereas my vision is perfect in one eye, the other could use a +1.5 reader; in other words, I could legitimately wear a monocle. Now ordinarily I'm a big fan of unusual accessories, but is this going too far?
--Peter


A: Quick, name two monocle wearers that immediately come to mind. That's right, Mr. Peanut and Colonel Klink. What this says to us is that in the best-case scenario, people might associate you with a jaunty legume if you start wearing a monocle. And in the worst case, they'll look at you and think "Bumbling Nazi!" Our best advice to you? Squint.

Ask the MB: V-Neck Sweater Sans Shirt

Ask the MB: V-Neck Sweater Sans Shirt
Q: You've heartily endorsed v-neck sweaters and have talked a lot about what should and should not be worn under them. But can a middle-aged MB wear them solo, sans shirt?
--Markoni


A: This is not a look we can endorse -- unless you are a young, serious, manscaped model -- for at least three reasons:

1. Too much laundry. Wearing clothing in direct contact with the skin requires cleaning, and cashmere sweaters -- as if you'd be wearing anything else! -- should be washed even less frequently than cats. It's just too hard on them.

2. Layering is a key component of artful dishevelment, and chest hair doesn't count.

3. What would we do with all our collared shirts?

Ask the MB: Grey Dress Shirts

Protects against Angostura and sub-zero temps
Protects against Angostura and sub-zero temps
Here's a question for the MB: Where does one get good, grey, long-sleeve dress shirts? In my current bartending job the dress code is black slacks, grey dress shirt. The darker the better so as not to show those pesky Angostura stains that sometimes accumulate during a shift, machine washable, will be worn with sleeves rolled up to around the elbow for functionality. Beyond that the restaurant's pretty open to stylistic touches, so I don't have to look like a total service industry drone. Any ideas?
--Jacob


A: Jacob, this question begs YOOX as the answer: 798 grey shirts from Acne to Zegna, including this 100% polyester D&G version. Not only does it easily repel Angostura, it will keep you warm on any impromptu wilderness treks after a few too many shots at closing time.

The other option, of course, is custom. We're big fans.

* Alexander West has a solid grey poplin for $120. His shirts aren't cheap but they're worth it.

* Deo Veritas has a grey jacquard for just $78. DV made our favorite shirt for the feature.

* If you're pouring for some big tippers, Gitman Bros. has a 140's herringbone twill. When you put it on, you'll know why it's $178.

Good luck, and make ours a double.

Earlier: Dolce & Gabbana take inspiration from Woody Allen's Sleeper.

Ask the MB: Valentine's Day

Ask the MB: Valentine's Day
Q: Well it's that time of the month, friends. For those MBs with girlfriends, it can be difficult to figure out what to do for Valentine's Day. What does the MB have to say?
--J.


Ed. note: We've previously touched on Valentine's Day, so thought asking the Spectacular Bitch to chime in would be a good idea.

Dearest J-Bird,

You are correct that Valentine's Day can be a tricky proposition. That's because the two loudest voices on the topic are the Hallmark industry on the one hand, peddling faux romance and cheap chocolates, and on the other hand, the haters, the lonely hearts, and the tragically embittered. But what about the rest of us, J? What about the lovers? Sure, Valentine's Day can be riddled with landmines and clichés, but it is also the one day of the year when it is completely acceptable to be sweet and gushy. And we all know this world can use a little more sugar, right sugar?

So I say, take the clichés, dip them in chocolate and gobble them up. In other words, do it your way. I love that you asked what to DO, rather than what to BUY. It's a gorgeous distinction, and shows that your heart is in the right place. You do the things you love to do, but you take it up a notch and that just takes a little planning, which is, honestly, half the fun.

In my experience, Valentine's Day is the best night of the year to avoid the herd and cook at home. Feather your love nest (by which I mean, clean, spruce, and food shop), light the candles, dim the lights, pour the wine, queue up the music and cook together. If you really can't cook, order take-out but try your hand at a sexy chocolate mousse. You see where I'm going with this, love? By choosing to stay in, you avoid all that is stuffy, formal, fancy and fraught with expectations and replace it with casual, cozy, funny, sexy kitchen hijinks. You take the familiar and make it unforgettable.

Have fun with it, J. (but don't forget the flowers!)

XOXO,

SB

Earlier: Stupid vs. Cupid. "Supertoilet" vs. separate bathrooms.

Ask the MB: Backpack

Babylon Backpack via Wheelman & Co., $199.99
Babylon Backpack via Wheelman & Co.. $199.99.
Q: I'm a student who needs an MB bag or backpack of some sort. I have to carry around a laptop and up to two textbooks almost all day. Got any recommendations?
--Sam


In general, we think that if you're carrying so much stuff you need a backpack, you're carrying too much stuff. But it warms our hearts to hear that there's at least one college left in America that is still making its students read -- or at least carry around -- actual ink-on-paper textbooks. And conveniently, we recently discovered, via Selectism, the Babylon Backpack from Wheelmen & Co.

These days, we see a lot of trophy backpacks, which is to say, backpacks that look great in a photo shoot but quickly become painful when put into actual use. Wheelmen's Babylon backpack combines traditional materials (waxed cotton, leather) with just enough modern comforts (padded shoulder straps, foam back panel) to make it truly functional. It honors tradition without slavishly deifying "heritage."

There. Now you've got both a good backpack recommendation plus a start on your next American Studies essay. How's that for service?

Earlier: A rare Opening Ceremony/Pendleton collaboration that did not almost blind us. In fact, we liked it a lot.

Earlier: We like this prehistoric hippie bag from Jansport.

Ask the MB: Paul Smith Belt

Ask the MB: Paul Smith Belt
Q: I'm currently the proud owner of a Paul Smith naked lady belt. Since last time I've worn it I've dropped 2 inches around my waist. As a result, I need to put it on the smallest hole which goes against perfect prong placement. With a business meeting on Friday should bite the bullet and wear it or purchase a new one? At this point J.Crew and Banana Republic are the only options for last minute shopping.
--Chris


A: Chris, that's an excellent belt on many counts. We admire your taste, your commitment to perfect prong placement, and your willingness to risk sexual harassment counseling by wearing an accessory with a naked lady on it to a business meeting.

But don't wear it on Friday. You'll leave a mark in the wrong place on the strap. Go with this J. Crew plaque belt as a surrogate. If you don't like it enough to keep, it's a no-hassle return.

As for retrofitting the PS belt to your new waistline, it's going to be a complicated and somewhat expensive operation but totally worth doing, like Matthew McConaughey's hair restoration. First, you'll need to take it to a trusted cobbler for the serious reconstructive surgery -- i.e., taking the extra length off the buckle side and cutting a new prong opening. Then we recommend you take it to a trusted tailor to recreate the signature Paul Smith stitching.

EARLIER: Kenton Sorenson belts and perfect prong placement.

Ask the MB: Rugby Shirts

Rugby shirts as endorsed by <em>GQ</em>, January 2011
Rugby shirts as endorsed by GQ, January 2011
Q: Rugby jerseys, yay or nay?
--Charlie


A: In theory, we ought to like rugby shirts on grounds of Anglophilia and tradition. In practice, well, you'd never want to wear an authentic rugby shirt off the pitch -- unless you want to look even goofier than your friend the cyclist who thinks his Team Radio Shack jersey looks good off the bike. Meanwhile, the more understated striped versions that have been showing up in designer collections in recent years tend to remind us of wrapping paper. Every once in a while we see one that almost changes our mind, but there are none in our closet at the moment.

Ask the MB: Engagement Ring

Ask the MB: Engagement Ring
Q: Engagement rings...the inevitable awaits. I noticed a recent trend of colored/gemstones set in rings instead of the traditional diamond. Also, I am thinking of buying a gemstone ring because all of my recently engaged friends seem to have purchased rings at the same place because they all look alike. Wanting to stay MB and keep my second half MB as well, what say you about the gemstone engagement ring?
--Mitch


A: We've answered this question before regarding the man's ring (with a chart), and we'd put a gemstone engagement ring for the Mrs. at the same lousy position on the scale.

Don't do it man.

If you want to set yourself apart from your Zales-shopping peers, while simultaneously conferring loads of class upon your bride-to-be (and by association, you), apply the understatement principle and choose a band. We like platinum. A good local jeweler should be able to create one in a shape you like for roughly a grand. If not, there's always Tiffany & Co. If she requires a diamond, get two with a pair of earrings.

Ask the MB: T-Shirt Under Unbuttoned Woven

Ask the MB: T-Shirt Under Unbuttoned Woven
Q: What are your views on the T-shirt under casual unbuttoned shirt look? Thanks for your insight.
--James


A: We're not saying no one can pull this off, ever, but in general our take is too much dishevelment and not enough artfulness. Case in point: we imagine that there are very few photos in which Kurt Cobain looks like the goofiest member of Nirvana, but here you see one of them (top), and Cobain's shirt-and-tshirt combo is definitely a contributing factor.

Even if you're a junkie, we recommend a more put-together look, as William S. Burroughs demonstrates (bottom).

Ask the MB: The Great Tie Width Debate

Ask the MB: The Great Tie Width Debate
Q: Hate to drag this up yet again, but all the ties you recommended in your recent post, "matchy-matchy," are 3" width. So now I'm curious, when you urge everyone to abandon skinny ties and go wide, what width do you consider "skinny," and is it possible, in your view, to go too wide? I also ask because, trends be damned, I think 3"ish is ideal, but at my conservative job, my 3" ties are generally regarded as "skinny".
--J. Nelson


A: A width of three inches is our starting point. If it's narrower than that, we throw it back and cast again. As for maximum width, it's all about proportion: You want a tie that echoes the width of your jacket's lapels. The wider your lapel, the wider tie you need -- and these days, like Jessica Simpson, lapels are widening. But if you ever need a tie wider than 3.75 inches, then it's time to put your lapels on a diet.

Who's on our side in the tie width debate? In the 2010 GQ Style Manual, designers Scott Sternberg (Band of Outsiders) and Tom Ford (Tom Ford) offer their thoughts:

SCOTT STERNBERG: "A skinnier tie just feels of-the-moment right now....And there's less material, so there's less potential for a color or pattern to feel garish or offensive."

TOM FORD: "There is something a bit meager and uptight about a skinny tie and jacket...I think that accentuating the natural V of a man's body makes men look more masculine, less boyish, and in general more powerful."

AT LEFT: Both designers put their theories into practice. Ford looks classically masculine. Sternberg radiates of-the-moment inoffensiveness. The choice is yours to make.

Earlier: More from Tom Ford about tie width.

Ask the MB: What to Wear to Bears-Packers NFC Championship Game

Ask the MB: What to Wear to Bears-Packers NFC Championship Game
Q: Thanks for your style advice for attending sporting events. I will be attending an epic playoff game in Chicago this weekend. Any tips for a MB in training when attending (outdoor) winter sporting events? I don't want to do the snowmobile suit or work coverall look and some of our midwest neighbors are wont to do. Or, is it a conflict of interest to even provide advice to a Bears fan?
--Ryan


A: Your squad is 3.5 point dogs at home, against the #6 seed ... have you thought about wearing a Packers' jersey?

If that's too extreme, we recommend a fairly conservative approach. With good seats running between $1000 to $2000 on StubHub, you're probably shelling out a lot just to be there. With that in mind, do you really want to blow even more cash on a jacket there's a strong chance you'll only associate with depressing memories of Aaron Rodgers doing the Championship Belt in your house? Take Jennifer Aniston's lead and go with a Spiewak snorkel parka. It's as warm as it is cheap.

Ask the MB: How to Shake Hands

Ask the MB: How to Shake Hands
Q: Lately, GQ advocated screaming "ow" when a man shakes your hand too firmly (http://www.gq.com/style/blogs/the-gq-eye/2011/01/shake-it.html). I seriously thought it was April Fool's day when I read it. What does MB say about handshakes? How does one deal with shaking a woman's hand?
--Salvador


A: We're pretty sure Glenn O'Brien -- GQ's Style Guy -- is using "ow" for comedic effect. Either that or he's become exceedingly brittle in his old age. Or Conde Nast's health care coverage has a high co-pay.

Anyhow, we recommend a firmer handshake than endorsed by GQ -- "grip lightly, the way you'd pick up a baby" -- for both men and women. What sets a handshake apart has less to do with grip pressure than with one's eyes. Once you've embraced the other fella's hand, look him straight in the eye. If he reciprocates, you know you've found a man you can do business with. If not, he's probably a crook.


Ask the MB: Faux Leather Motorcycle Jacket

Ask the MB: Faux Leather Motorcycle Jacket
Q: I don't normally shop at Zara, but I've found some decent pieces in their collections. I've been looking at their faux leather motorcycle jackets. In your eyes, are they a worthwhile investment?
--A Bastard Striving To Be Magnificent (Manny)


A: We are not familiar with Zara, but unless you drive a motorcycle, we don't even recommend real leather motorcycle jackets. And if you do drive a motorcycle, why get a fake leather jacket? That's like screwing Sophia Loren, then activating an e-cigarette instead of lighting up a Marlboro.

Earlier: See where the e-cigarette is plotted on our fad/toolbag chart, and why The Fonz still casts a long shadow over the leather jacket.

Ask the MB: Super-Cute and Adorable Mini Cooper

Ask the MB: Super-Cute and Adorable Mini Cooper
Q: My fiancée recently left me for various reasons. I think the main reason could be my recent car purchase. It's a 2003 Mini Cooper S. It's fun and quick and a great driver's car, but I've also had some other comments from people saying how 'super cute' and 'adorable' it is. I find it hard to believe a supercharged 6-speed car would be anything but MB. Also, don't feel bad about the ex-fiancée. Her mother ended up getting me those nice Fratelli Orsini gloves you recommended for Christmas. So I still feel like I came out ahead.
--Eric


A: The good news is those gloves will last a lot longer than your marriage would have, if all it took your fiancée to dump you was your suspect taste in cars.

The bad news is, yes, we did just say "suspect." In our estimation, Mini Coopers are the automative equivalent of a hummingbird. Zippy, adorable, kind of annoying. We're not saying you should dump your car like your girlfriend dumped you -- love is blind, after all. But, no, the Mini Cooper -- no matter the number of speeds or supercharging -- is not on our list of favorite cars.

Ask the MB: Matchy-Matchy Tie

Ask the MB: Matchy-Matchy Tie
Q: I have interviews coming up with some consulting firms which, oddly enough, identify strongly with their corporate colors. I'm thinking of doing some tie/firm color matching, but will it come off as clever and detailed, or is it a one way ticket to toolbagville?
--Pete


A: Pete, this is a little like interviewing for a job at McDonald's wearing the tie worn by The Hamburglar. Don't do it. TTH and more than a little weird. Instead, invest in something you would want to wear after you land the job. Minneapolis-based Pierrepont Hicks makes great ties as does long-time MB favorite Mountain and Sackett. Another good find is Nashville-based Otis James, a cool dude who will make you a custom cashmere tie for $165. His woven linen 00502xx has been spectacular.

(While we don't endorse Hamburglar's tie, we do endorse its width and the artfully dishevelled way he leaves the narrow end longer than the wide end.)

Ask the MB: Core Wardrobe Pieces

Ask the MB: Core Wardrobe Pieces
Q: Hello MB, I've been around for awhile, and mostly like what I see. But, when it comes to putting the principles into action, I feel overwhelmed and eventually give up. Are there some essential bastardly wardrobe elements that could get me into some semblance of style? Thanks, Hopeless Bastard.
--(aka Eric)


A: When you've got a good bottle of scotch and a glass at your disposal, it's hard to make a bad drink. The same holds true for denim and a white shirt. Start with those and you'll be fine. They're virtually toolbag-proof.

THE DENIM: Use our how to determine what brand of jeans to wear chart to guide your purchase. You want something slim (not skinny). For years we've been under the spell of AG, which magically makes your ass look good. Start there.

THE SHIRT: In China, there are factories the size of sports stadiums filled with workers who aren't allowed to pee until they've produced at least a hundred white shirts that shift, yet finding just the right white is like finding meaning in a Jersey Shore episode. Some guidelines: slim fit, no logo, no breast pocket, point collar, sewn collar (vs. fused), and mother of pearl buttons. The holy grail is a crossover -- something that can work with a tie and casual suit, then later with your new jeans. (We can't strongly recommend anything at the moment -- and may have to make one on our own -- but please stay tuned.)

Ask the MB: Earmuffs

Ask the MB: Earmuffs
Q: Earmuffs. I don't think you've mentioned a thing about these. I see lots of suited lobbyists (toolbags) here in DC touting the 180s, though they seem like a better option compared to grandma earmuffs. What are your thoughts? Let the ears freeze? Mess up my hair with a hat that does the job?
--Jay


A: On January 21, 1961, John F. Kennedy took the oath of office in 22° weather and didn't wear a hat or scarf or earmuffs. Nor did Lyndon Johnson, and he was practically bald!

Not to mention the fact that you've also got fifty years of global warming working in your favor. We checked the latest 10-day forecast for DC -- there's nothing lower than 34° for a high over the next ten days.

But if you reckon you're not as hardy as either JFK or LBJ, forget the earmuffs and go with a cashmere hat which is warm, soft, and delivers a perfectly artfully disheveled head of hair every time.

Ask the MB: Skinny Ties

Ask the MB: Skinny Ties
Q: I know you hate the skinny tie, but you can't deny that it's still in fashion (you said way back in 2008 that it was dying). Prejudices aside, what type of collar do you think goes best with the skinny tie? I like the windsor but it might be too eccentric. The spread collar might be good, or it might just depend on the collar size as a whole. I would hope not to get a sarcastic, snide response, but I might not be so lucky with this specific question.
--Sam


A: Sam, if you're looking for polite and cordial answers to style questions, you've come to the wrong place. Check askandyaboutclothes.com. He is a nice guy.

Anyhow, yes, we can deny the skinny tie is still in fashion. They're featured at EXPRESS, which is a clear indication of this look's location on the trend curve. If you still insist, a Windsor/spread collar only works for a Windsor knot, which would look completely ridiculous when tied with a skinny tie. For the EXPRESS look -- "ultra-modern" and "fresh and fearless" -- go with a traditional point collar and four-in-hand knot.

Ask the MB: Button-Popping Suit Jacket

Ask the MB: Button-Popping Suit Jacket
Q: Hey guys. The recent header photos are awesome! I especially love the Lambeau tailgating series (and associated cheese bra). As part of the post-Christmas sale-mageddon, I picked up a nice Banana Republic suit for well over half off. The size 38 jacket fits me perfectly in the shoulders, and looks very MB overall when unbuttoned. But it pulls WAY too much when I button it; it's a solid size too small over my belly. The larger size 40 jacket, meanwhile, looks clownish.

So #1, yes I know, I need to go to the gym more. Working on it, I promise.

#2, Is it acceptable to wear the perfect-in-the-shoulders jacket and never button it, or do I need to cut my losses and go made-to-measure?

Can't wait to see the upcoming spring-time header photos!
--Ben


A: Ben, flattery will get your question answered, but will not protect you from savagery. Save that receipt, because a man should never own a suit jacket he strains to button -- at any price -- or he risks looking like Popeye pal J. Wellington Wimpy, and feeling self-conscious, insecure, and in dire need of hamburgers. Until your presumed 2011 resolution starts to pay off, cut your losses and go made-to-measure.

Ask the MB: Jack Benny Glasses

Ask the MB: Jack Benny Glasses
Q: I am looking to find a pair of frames exactly like the style Jack Benny used to wear. I have pretty good eyes but my prescription is for 1.5 progressives as I am a reader and would wear them regularly every day. I see you show him with glasses on your site. Can you help me?
--Alex


A: We're not sure of the exact make/model Jack Benny is wearing, but all the major American eyewear companies made a slightly cat eye style like the one shown during that time. The Zyloware Invincible is close, as is the Criss Apollo. Both would work for progressive lenses, and are made of nylon, which is a big deal for daily wearers because they're significantly lighter than plastic acetate. We're big fans of Criss for this reason, and the fact that they're standard-issue U.S. Penitentiary eyewear.

Ask the MB: Spectator Shoes

Ask the MB: Spectator Shoes
Q: Hello MB, I recently stumbled upon your site and I became an instant fan. For some time, I've been thinking about switching to two-tone dress shoes. Not something crazy, but maybe black and white spectators or even a slightly more attention-grabbing light-brown and white pair. But I'm involved in politics and want an appropriate but still stylish pair of shoes. Would the two-tone shoes be too much, and do you find them to be stylish or just too out of date?
--Dodge


A: All the great politicians -- or at least the most memorable ones -- had some signature feature or accessory: Churchill's Romeo y Julieta, Hitler's mustache, FDR's cigarette holder, Reagan's dyed hair. While wearing spectators isn't something that's ever crossed our mind, these shoes may sway the coveted independent voter, and are not believed to cause cancer.

Ask the MB: New Boyfriend Showing a Couple Toolbag Tendencies

Ask the MB: New Boyfriend Showing a Couple Toolbag Tendencies
Q: I met a man at a party and he was impeccably dressed in a charcoal suit and black tie. We have been seeing each other and he dresses very well; however, he has let it slip that he wears a Tommy Bahama watch and thinks that J. Crew floral shirts are acceptable "during vacations." Should I give him the benefit of the doubt, or kick him to the curb? Thanks for the help.
--Katelin


A: Katelin, the Tommy Bahama watch is definitely a red flag but you could fix that problem by buying him a watch for Christmas. There are still 4 days left. Regarding the floral shirt, they're OK during vacations in Hawaii.

So he's warm. And remember, as Tom Brady clearly demonstrates, many MBs are made, not born. We say give him the benefit of the doubt. If you look at our graph of the American male below, the vast majority need work and with your help, this guy sounds like he could be on the verge of breaking through.

mb american male chart

Ask the MB: Burberry Watches

Burberry Men's BU7680 Check Engraved Black Dual Time Zone Stripe Strap Watch via amazon.com, $379.99
Burberry Men's BU7680 Check Engraved Black Dual Time Zone Stripe Strap Watch via amazon.com. $379.99.
Q: Hey MB: I happen to be a huge fan of the Burberry brand and have not been able to decide on a bastardly dastardly watch for an up-and-coming MB like myself. Are these watches ok for me to have as an MB? What is your take? I like the fabric because I think it is ultra classic. Could this be worn for any occasion? Let me know.
--Nick


A: Nick, we object to this purchase for at least two reasons. First, this watch is 44mm in diameter, which, unless you have Popeye-sized forearms, is in clear violation of the 40mm max diameter watch rule. Second, it's $380 at Amazon and has a quartz movement! Quartz vs. mechanical is the equivalent of motorboats vs. sailboats, or gas fireplaces vs. wood fireplaces, or fake breasts vs. real breasts. You can probably guess which side we come down on, but just to be clear: go real. Always. You can even save 100 bucks (at least) on a mechanical watch at westcoastime, and if you're digging the fabric strap and can accept a non-Burberry color combo, use your savings to pick up a couple of Zulu or Bond straps.

Ask the MB: Header Sweater

Ask the MB: Header Sweater
Q: Definitely digging the new header. The holidays are a wonderful time for MBs to do what they do. Alas, the sweater featured on the model in the header is intriguing. Details?
--James


A: Let's get all the header questions out of the way at once:

SWEATER: Heirloom fisherman-knit cardigan, hand-woven in wool by Jean Cooke in Killarney, Ireland
SHIRT: John Varvatos
DENIM: Adriano Goldschmied ("Protege" fit)
SOCKS: Paul Smith
BOOTS: TST (available at YOOX)
CHAIR: Vagabond Vintage
RUG: IKEA Koldby
HOUSE: 1936 colonial
BOW: Michaels (in Green Bay)
WOMAN: 100% Wisconsin, born and bred

Ask the MB: Costume National Boots

Sold Out.
Sold Out.
Q: I have been searching (and saving) for a pair of the Prada Novo Calfskin Boots you featured in your masthead a couple years ago, and thought that these zip boots from Costume National Homme could tide me over in the interim. They have one pair left in my size. Are they MB or should I hold out for the Prada boots?
--Josh


A: Josh, first thanks for reading that long. Second, our barbershop masthead series was shot almost three years ago, in February 2008. The New York Times published a piece about "barbershop renaissance" on November 25 (2010). Finally, we hope you grabbed those boots because they're sold out. Costume National footwear has been very good to us and if you like anything from F/W 2010 it's all 50% off. Based on previous years' sale timing, if you wait a couple of more weeks it will go to 70% off.

Ask the MB: Blazer Armhole Height

Ask the MB: Blazer Armhole Height
Q: This is concerning the Love Moschino blazer you recently recommended. I purchased one and have to admit it looks awesome. I know it's slim but how snug is it supposed to fit me? It's tight in the underarm/shoulder area. I'm afraid if I hit the gym seriously for 2 months, I will have trouble putting it on. I would appreciate your advice, thank you.
--Vik


A: Vik, it sounds like you are used to blazers cut to the toxically unstylish Ben Roethlisberger tent fit (pictured as he arrived for last Sunday night's game vs. the Ravens). Blazers with high armholes -- like the great Love Moschino one you now own -- are actually more comfortable because they allow your arms to move without the whole blazer moving along with them. This may take some getting used to but trust us that it's what you want.

Ask the MB: AllSaints Pea Coat

Riven Coat via AllSaints, $285.00
Riven Coat via AllSaints. $285.00.
Q: I'm about to pull the trigger on a pea coat from AllSaints. Have you come across this coat in your considerable pea coat research?
--Mark


A: Despite its bona fide Anglo roots, AllSaints is not really on our radar since a visit to the Lincoln Road store last year. Their Singer sewing-machined storefronts are easily the best retail facade going, and the interior fixturing is nearly as appealing, however in our experience the clothes themselves do not fulfill on expectations. While we totally get and even endorse a neutral palette, AllSaints has pushed it too far, into Children of Men and even darker, dingier Orwellian dystopia territory. With skulls.

Having said all that, don't let us discourage you. The pea coat you have your eye on certainly looks like it's worth a try, especially since it's on sale and shipping is free.

Ask the MB: Fingerless Gloves

Ask the MB: Fingerless Gloves
Q: It's starting to get a bit cold outside. What do you think about fingerless gloves?
--Tom


A: Fingerless gloves are great if you're either a street vendor or bum, since they provide the necessary dexterity to make a hot dog or fish a beer can out of the trash. MBs have no need for doing either, and prefer to keep the extremes of their extremities encased in cashmere, or better yet, fur. The latter are a little hard to come by these days but we've been satisfied with the Fratelli Orsini option at leatherglovesonline.com and they're just 82 bucks.

Ask the MB: An MB Would Never Ask the MB

Tom Brady, 2000 NFL Combine
Tom Brady, 2000 NFL Combine
Q: Do people who pose questions here truly believe they are ever going to achieve magnificent bastardly-ness? A true MB would not ask style questions; anyone asking a question is clearly TTH. Quite a paradox you have created here.
--Solo


A: Some MBs are born, others are made. If you've read this site even a little bit you know a lot of questions come from college students or recent grads. It's a formative period where many learn about opportunity cost and beer bongs and U.S. imperialism, and first develop personal style principles to apply for a lifetime.

Let's take the case of Tom Brady. As a soon-to-be college graduate from Michigan, he showed up at the 2000 NFL combine as a doughy, slow, anti-MB in grandpa boxers. He was drafted in the 6th round. Then the light switch went on and he transformed himself into a style icon who's married to a Brazilian supermodel, and in our view the best QB who ever lived.

While we don't promise the cover of GQ or the NFL Hall of Fame, go ahead and ask away.

Ask the MB: Love Letters

The Love Letter, by Auguste Toulmouche
The Love Letter, by Auguste Toulmouche
Q: Is it MB to write love letters? With stationary and stamps and an actual pen? In this day of email, tweet/text/social mania is it romantic, or a little TTH?
--Matt


Ed. note: We've spent the past 18 months searching the bars of Pulaski looking for the Spectacular Bitch, from Quit-N-Time to T'bombs to Party Marty's. It took a little longer than we thought but we finally found her at Zielinski's. While we get her site ready, she'll be answering questions now and then in this space.

A: Dearest Matt, your instincts are good, but proceed with caution. I once ended a relationship with a man because he included the words "the pitter patter of raindrops" in a letter he posted from Sevilla. Bear in mind, should things ever go south with your lady love, a physical letter can and will be subjected to all manner of ignominy -- burning, shredding, crumpling, soaking, and brutal mockery, possibly at the hands of multiple girlfriends over bottles of wine. On the other hand, a letter can be clutched to her chest, tucked in a favorite book, sniffed, caressed, and re-read as no email could ever hope to be. Perhaps putting a pen to paper is trying too hard, but true blue Spectacular Bitches don't come easy.

Because I like you, Matt, a couple pointers:

1. Know thyself: If you are a clever writer and can guarantee that there will be no grammatical errors, proceed to the next pointer. I once ended a relationship with a man because of his dangling participles.

2. Know thy audience: Make sure you never put in writing something you wouldn't be able to say face-to-face after a few drinks. You don't want to freak her out.

3. Be brief.

4. Use proper stationery and a good pen. Don't be sloppy, but don't try to get creative either. I once ended a relationship with a man because he wrote to me on a piece of birch bark. And another because he wrote to me on a scroll. Plain correspondence cards of good stock are lovely, if you ask me.

5. Speak your truth but remember, leave the poetry to the poets.

Bonne chance, my pet. And be sure to let me know how the lucky lady responds.

SB

Ask the MB: Fair Isle Sweaters

Ask the MB: Fair Isle Sweaters
Q: What is your official stance on Fair Isle sweaters? I am looking to purchase this classic winter clothing item but don't want the whole corny holiday cliche that is often attached to some patterns/colors. Any recommendations?
--Mike S.


A: We heartily endorse Fair Isle and wear it often, but less so now that it's everywhere on both men and women for F/W 2010. To avoid looking like you just walked out of a family Christmas card photo shoot (top), choose a limited palette and make it a cardigan or go for a vest (bottom), like King Edward VIII did while in public.

Ask the MB: Driving Caps

Anyone ever hear of this movie?
Anyone ever hear of this movie?
Q: So MB - I was at an NBA game on Friday night and there were several MB-looking types wearing patterned driving caps. I've always thought of this as my grandpa's hat, wondering what your thoughts are.
--Jennifer


A: We charted the style curve rise and fall of driving/newsboy/ivy caps back in early 2008 and declared the trend dead when Cuba Gooding Jr. showed up at the 10,000 B.C. premiere wearing one (plus flashing hand signs). Now that Gooding Jr. has gone missing, co-starring with Val Kilmer and Christian Slater in straight-to-DVD flicks, and iconic toolbag and the frequent ivy cap-wearing Tony Romo is on injured reserve, this headwear style can now emerge from rehab. In fact, as the NFL season hits the increasingly chilly home stretch, we would not be surprised to see Tom Brady sporting a newsboy for one of his ridiculously stylish post-game press conferences.

Ask the MB: Tuxedo Shirt

Ask the MB: Tuxedo Shirt
Q: First off, I'm a junior at Cornell University and have been using MB since my first year, and I love it. Second, I recently purchased a tailored dinner jacket from Indochino, and a tux shirt. I was wondering if you have any suggestions on studs for the shirt as I was hoping to get a look more similar to Daniel Craig as he wears only buttons, and I made the unfortunate mistake of ordering the studded tux shirt. Thanks so much for your time, I really appreciate it.
--Seth


A: Seth, we're honored that an Ivy League lad like yourself would read state-school products like us (UW-Madison). Thanks. Anyhow, about your shirt dilemma, you could probably mitigate the error by buying a set of mother-of-pearl studs, but this is throwing good money after bad. We treat clothing purchasing mistakes much like former Packers GM Ron Wolf treated his draft choice mistakes: don't hope it will work out. Recognize your mistakes early, cut 'em, and move on.

So go ahead and put that Indochino shirt on the waiver wire. If you want a tuxedo shirt like Daniel Craig's Bond, we say get the tuxedo shirt worn by Daniel Craig's Bond. Contact Turnbull and Asser (email link) and have them make you one, either with the concealed front placket of Casino Royale or the full-button placket of Quantum of Solace (top). Yes, it will cost more than the Indochino equivalent, but it's surprisingly affordable and, far more importantly, you'll end up getting exactly what you want.

Speaking of mistakes and James Bond, on the heels of his 1964 Aston Martin DB5 selling for £2.6M ($4.13M), Christie's is auctioning James Bond's infamous Walther LP-53 air pistol, used to promote From Russia With Love (bottom), expected to go for the relative bargain of between $23K-$30K (in 2001 it sold for $20,437.41). When Bond's standard Walther PPK didn't show up for the From Russia With Love photo shoot, photographer David Hurn's air pistol was substituted. He said he'd airbrush out the long barrel to make it look like a PPK, but lied, and this ersatz weapon was used to promote several more Bond flicks.

In other words, Seth, don't feel so bad.

Ask the MB: Shoulder Bag for Subway Rides

Ask the MB: Shoulder Bag for Subway Rides
Q: I have just moved to Shanghai. I need to take the subway for work and if you have ever been to Shanghai before, you will know how crowded it is! I have a currently use a Costume National bag. More like a briefcase. Which is not really suitable for the subway. I need a good shoulder bag that can fit a 15" laptop, notebook, etc. Not too expensive. Functional and not bulky; maybe a mix of leather and canvas? Can you suggest somthing, MB?
--John


A: Yes, we've traveled the Shanghai metro and it's even more crowded, dirty, and smelly than flying coach on U.S. airlines. The bag you need is something from Property Of..., a Singapore-based shop that makes minimally-designed bags with a harmonious mixture of the leather/canvas combo you desire, and small enough not to damage internal organs when you're being squeezed by a billion Chinese, in the same subway car all at once. The only problem is finding them. Keep an eye on Gilt (they were on sale there last week) and boutique men's retailers like Ian in Seattle or Martin Patrick in Minneapolis.

Ask the MB: E-Reader. Nook or Kindle?

Why not just use an iPad if you're into this sort of thing?
Why not just use an iPad if you're into this sort of thing?
Q: I'm facing a bit of a quandary and trust the opinions of the MB Gods so ... which e-reader is more MB: The Nook or the Kindle?
--Cam


A: Cam, the answer is neither. While we're like most people under 70 and have completely abandoned newspapers -- except as a great way to start a fire -- we still read actual books and always will. They meet MB principles of archaism and organic materials, and really look great on a bookshelf.

Ask the MB: Shirt / Tie Combination

Ask the MB: Shirt / Tie Combination
Q: What color tie would I wear with a cherry red shirt, specifically the Alexander West cherry discreet? Color matching is not my forte, and I imagine that a badly chosen tie would ruin the shirt. Thanks.
--Andrew


A: Andrew, that shirt is talking pretty loudly, so everything else should be quiet, including the tie. Since it's F/W we'd like to see this matched with something brown or gray and nubby, which is where Mountain and Sackett comes in. While tiemaker Alexander Olch gets all the publicity (rightfully so) in GQ, DETAILS, and even in the December issue of women's mag Lucky, less-well-known brothers Bill and John Mountain make equivalent ties at about half the price. If you still prefer them a little narrower, try the 2 3/4" brown flannel Stanton ($59.50) or gray flannel Kenmare ($74.00). Our pick with that shirt is the 3 1/4" Cedar Herringbone ($74.00).

Ed. note: If you're looking for a holiday tie, M&S's 3 1/2" Kerr Tartan goes with nearly everything and draws loads of compliments.

Ask the MB: Wedding Suit

Ask the MB: Wedding Suit
Q: You recently recommended the J.Crew Aldridge suit, but the Ludlow has a trimmer fit. Wouldn't that be more MB? I'm planning on a charcoal suit for my slightly casual wedding.
--Matt


A: Yes, the Ludlow (lower right) has a trimmer fit, plus a shorter cut and narrower lapels, which is why we recommended the Aldridge (lower left) as that aspiring MB's first suit. It's the same reason we recommend it over the Ludlow for your wedding.

The Ludlow's overly narrow lapel is looking post-peak to our eyes, and for an event that's forever preserved for posterity -- more pictures will be taken of you on this day than that time you passed out on the sofa and your buddies drew shit all over your face with Sharpies -- you want a look that's as timeless as possible. That means lapels approximating the width of those on Cary Grant's suit in North by Northwest, which have style, yet are virtually devoid of trend.

Ask the MB: Crepe Soled Shoes in Winter

J. Shoes Mojave in Bark via J. Shoes, $145.00
J. Shoes Mojave in Bark via J. Shoes. $145.00.
Q: The other day you recommended J Shoes' mojave boots. I noticed they have a crepe sole and was wondering how these hold up in Wisconsin winters. I am interested in a different model with crepe soles for Philadelphia winters.
--Michael


A: Crepe soles were born on British soldiers fighting Rommel in the deserts of North Africa, then in 1950 Englishman Nathan Clark made them for civilians and called them "desert boots." These two facts are both strong hints about the wisdom of wearing them during Wisconsin winters, and intuitively we stow away our crepe-soled boots by Thanksgiving. But just to make sure we asked J. Shoes about it and here's what they said:
Crepe is a rubber latex material that changes with the temperature. It softens in the summer and gets hard in the winter, which means it can be slippery and dangerous on ice.
In our experience, the only footwear not dangerous on ice is a pair of skates, but while we want you in a pair of crepe-soled J. Shoes boots, leave the road slush and ice to footwear that's far more appropriate.


Ask the MB: Winter Hat Options

Ask the MB: Winter Hat Options
Q: So I need to upgrade my winter hat collection, and started off with your suggestions for cashmere knit caps. However, I'd also like something a little different from the standard knits, and was looking at stuff like this BR military hat. Any other suggestions?
--Dave


A: We suggest waiting on military until the next election. But even in 2012, that particular hat is reserved exclusively for baller revolutionaries. Plus, unless you hail from Cuba or anywhere south of about the panhandle, a winter hat needs ear coverage as an option, so it doesn't even qualify in our book.

If you still insist on military, something similar that doesn't violate The Castro Rule and has flaps is this Block Headwear knit called the "Morgan". Block is an MB fave that makes great hats, and their logos always come off so easily! Other options are the MB-endorsed Stormy Kromer (invented in Wisconsin), and if you have a little more scratch, this Borsalino Roma.

Ask the MB: Why is the Woman in the Header All Jersey Shore?

Ask the MB: Why is the Woman in the Header All <em>Jersey Shore</em>?
Why is the male in your header dressed appropriately for the subject of your banter, while the female looks like she belongs more on the Wisconsin version of "Jersey Shore" ("Door County Shore?")?
--Allison


A: Allison, Monday through Saturday Nicole is dressed in cashmere and pearls. But on home-game Sundays she falls victim to the spell of the Packers, and dons green American Apparel shorts, grilling tongs, and a cheese bra. Like pickled herring, cannibal sandwiches, and brandy Old Fashioneds, you kinda have to live here to understand.

Anyhow, we love the Door County Shore concept and are ready to write a treatment for MTV. We can see Snooki and The Situation slinging fish boils at the White Gull Inn and sundaes at Wilson's Ice Cream Parlor. Thanks for the suggestion.

Ask the MB: Gray Shoes With Belt to Match?

Son, please don't tell us you bought these
Son, please don't tell us you bought these
Q: I've just bought a pair of grey Kenneth Cole leather oxford shoes. I intend to wear them with long-sleeved shirts in the office. Should I wear a grey leather belt too?
--Mark


A: First, we hope those Kenneth Cole oxfords plot on the proper portion of our shoe pointiness chart. (We're afraid for you, Mark!)

Second, we've never been fans of strict adherence to the belt-must-match-shoes rules handed down by previous generations of MBs, and the gray-on-gray you're wondering about sounds a little too Garanimalistic for our taste. You've essentially opened up the accessory playbook by wearing a pair of gray shoes, which is the footwear equivalent of denim. So while black and brown belts will both work, feel confident in pairing them with just about anything.

Ask the MB: MB Header Shoes

Rudolf Dassler pictured with a model of his namesake shoes
Rudolf Dassler pictured with a model of his namesake shoes
Q: What shoes are in the header photo?
--Kevin


A: They are Puma Rudolf Dassler "Metropolis Low" sneakers. We recommend them, along with lots of other Dassler models, if you're OK with fact that "Ruda" (the original name of Puma) was an even more hard-core Nazi than his Adidas-founding older brother Adi. Style before National Socialist affiliation, we always say.

Unfortunately the Metropolis are a little hard to find these days, with only sizes 13 and 7.5 available and on sale for just $61.60 at Bluefly.

Ed. Note: Another Dassler shoe, the Standpunkt, also made an appearance in an MB header in early 2009. This is a highly-recommended (and far more available) model.

UPDATE: The size 13s at Bluefly quickly sold out once this entry was posted, but sizes 11 and 12 are available at Tagotti Shoes, also at a deep discount. Unlike most other Puma footwear, these fit true to size, so no need to add one.

Ask the MB: Notch or Peak Lapel?

Notch lapel Indochino suit jacket
Notch lapel Indochino suit jacket
Q: Getting married in March and I am ordering khaki suits from Indochino. Question is, peak or notch lapel? Is one more formal than others? What's appropriate for a casual feel wedding?
--Jason


A: We've got a hotline connected directly to Indochino CEO Kyle Vucko's office, and after consulting with his style team, here's what he said:

"Peaked lapels are a bit dressier than notched lapels, and have a bit more flair. Given that your wedding has a casual feel, though, I'd opt for notched lapels. Peaked lapels are stylish, but put your entire wedding party in them and they'll look much more dressy costume-y. Notched lapels, on the other hand, are always classic."

We agree.


Ask the MB: Bradley Cooper's Cotton Blazer

Ask the MB: Bradley Cooper's Cotton Blazer
Q: Greetings! Love the site. I'm hoping you can tell me where a young professional MB might find a relaxed cotton blazer like the one Bradley Cooper has on here? Thanks.
--Drew


A: Blazers like this will be fairly plentiful in a couple of months as retailers/designers roll out S/S 2011 but for now it's slim pickings. First, browse through the sale rack at YOOX (our favorite blazer-hunting grounds) and you might get lucky. If you need this now and have shorter-than-average arms, the Lands End Canvas Chino Blazer is worth a try. It was a return for us but it's $89.50 (was just $69.50 when Canvas launched, BTW), has functioning buttonholes, a modern fit, and it's very close to what Bradley Cooper is wearing, including the alligator-length arms.

NB: Pairing with gingham strongly endorsed.

Ed. Note: Since pointing out that the blazer is 3-button vs. 2-button as Canvas originally advertised, we love how they've modified the copy to make it a 2.5-button blazer: "Also of note: this jacket has a three-button front, but the lapel is designed so only two buttons show."

Ask the MB: Pea Coat Epaulet Removal

D&G Cropped Wool Peacoat, With Epaulets via Saks Fifth Avenue, $1015.00
D&G Cropped Wool Peacoat, With Epaulets via Saks Fifth Avenue. $1015.00.
Q: I finally got around to ordering the Spiewak McKenzie Peacoat you recommended in 2008. Naturally it has shoulder straps, which you've since informed us are post-peak. However as virtually all peacoats I've ever seen have shoulder straps is it really worth while getting a tailor to remove them?
--Tadgh


A: We've finely-tuned a lot of clothing that's raised both our tailor's eyebrows, like shortening a t-shirt hem by 1", narrowing a tie by 1/2", and, yes, having epaulets removed. But if epaulets are ever OK in a mid-term election year such as this one, it's on a pea coat, military-themed outerwear that's a wardrobe basic. If you're not convinced, rather than spending money on epaulet removal, stick it in your closet until 2012 when they will be sewn back on everything.

Ask the MB: Date Watch

Ask the MB: Date Watch
Q: So you have me sold on O&W Kartargo but I can't decide on whether to get it with the date or without. I feel like it looks so much better without, yet I hate to have to grab for my cellphone to know the date, that's something The Situation would do, actually I wouldn't be surprised if he already has a phone app that says the time in his Jersey dialect.
--John


A: We own both and vote for the ND, and not just because it looks cleaner. The date turns out to be more trouble than it's worth, adjusting for 30 and 28-day months with little discernible benefit. Unless you're a notary public or frequent check writer, how often do you need to instantly know the date? Usually a ballpark like "early November" or "late October" is all you need until you're in front of your calendar.

Ask the MB: Funeral Attire

We recommend buttoning up for the ceremony
We recommend buttoning up for the ceremony
Q: I have to attend a viewing/funeral with my girlfriend for someone I don't know. It's Saturday and I am in college so I don't have much time to plan. What would the MB recommend for an aspiring MB?
--Matthew


A: Matthew, use this stranger's death as an opportunity to prepare for the next phase of your life: get into a four-season charcoal gray suit. Besides rocking the funeral, it will serve you nicely for forthcoming interviews, peers' weddings, and just about any other occasion that calls for a suit.

With the deadline just two days away, online and custom are clearly not options, which can be a good thing since they sometimes cause anxiety due to The Paradox of Choice.

Two acceptable suits available at popular offline stores are the oft-recommended J. Crew Aldridge, or, of you're a bigger guy or prefer a more traditional cut, BR's version which is $80 cheaper. Either way, just be sure to stay clear of Men's Wearhouse.

Tip/Ask the MB: Biased Cut Shirts

Tip/Ask the MB: Biased Cut Shirts
Tip: Biased Cut is also holding a sale. Four of their shirts are at $50.

Question: I'm really digging the Bona Fide. It fits the season well and it's very understated. Your thoughts? Also, I'm a little unsure about Eucalypt. I need your guidance on this one.
--Albert


A: 50 bucks for a custom shirt should get everyone's attention, and Biased Cut shipped the best-fitting shirt of the ones we reviewed.

Regarding your questions, Albert, if you like the Bona Fide, go for it. But because you're unsure, sit tight on the Eucalypt. We've learned to hold apparel to the same burden of proof as potential partners/spouses: even if there's only a hint of doubt about an item, pass on it or return it. It really cuts down on the trips to the resale shop. And divorce court.

NB: One thing we weren't crazy about with the Biased Cut shirt was the 1/8" collar stitching and the 1/4" stitching everywhere else. If you make the request for consistent 1/4" stitching, Biased Cut will accommodate.

Ask the MB: Half-Zip Sweaters

Cotton-cashmere half-zip sweater via J. Crew, $85.00
Cotton-cashmere half-zip sweater via J. Crew. $85.00.
Q: What's your take on those half zip sweaters with the collars that kind of stand up, like the J. Crew version? Is this akin to popping a collar? Or, is this acceptable collar territory?
--DTC


A: We hate these sweaters. But it's got nothing to do with collar popping and everything to do with them being stuck in a stylistic no man's land between Mark Zuckerbergian fleece outerwear and a regular sweater, much like capri pants are stuck between pants and shorts, or a mock turtleneck is stuck between a turtleneck and a t-shirt. In fact, if you zip one of these up and throw a blazer over it, you're in Van Gundy Rule territory. Avoid.

Ask the MB: Tweed Blazers

Vince Herringbone Blazer via Saks Fifth Avenue, $595.00
Vince Herringbone Blazer via Saks Fifth Avenue. $595.00.
Q: I was wondering, what do you think about tweed blazers? I was thinking about picking one up for winter. If it's indeed MB, perhaps some recommendations would be nice.
--Tyler


A: Tweed blazers, particularly herringbone, are a F/W necessity as much as a whiskey-filled flask in an MB's breast pocket. Wear them often, and not just for shooting clays, fox hunts, or teaching English.

This season we haven't had much luck finding good ones, with the exception of Vince's somewhat pricey classic-with-a-twist slim, short, stretch wool version with patch pockets and functioning buttonholes. It also comes equipped with leather elbow patches so you don't wear holes there while leaning on the bar (in the cases when the flask is in the shop).

Ask the MB: Boots That Go With Those Jeans

Ask the MB: Boots That Go With Those Jeans
Q: What are the boots the model in the Betabrand Jeans ad is wearing in the majority of the pictures on their site? Or perhaps you can recommend a similar pair for a college student's budget.
--Dan


A: Dan, they're J SHOES' Mojave boot in Bark. While $145 is likely a little rich for a college student's budget, they're made in England, based on the classic British WWII desert boot (both nicely satisfying the Principle of Anglophilia), and will get better with age. In other words, you can't afford not to buy.

Ask the MB: Halloween Costume

Ask the MB: Halloween Costume
Q: Is there such a thing as a Magnificent Bastardly Halloween costume?
--Ben


A: There are three holidays we don't participate in: New Year's Eve, St. Patrick's Day, and Halloween. Too many amateurs. Regarding Halloween, the fact that Jersey Shore cast members Snooki, DJ Pauly D, and The Situation are this year's top costumes (as well as Lady Gaga) should give you pause. However, if you insist, three years ago we created a pseudo-scientific Halloween costume chart that is surprisingly relevant today.

Ask the MB: Allstate's Mayhem's Collar Bar

Ask the MB: Allstate's Mayhem's Collar Bar
Q: What's your take on collar bars (aka collar pins) as a bastardly accessory? A vintage touch to a magnificent ensemble, unecessarily dressy for everyday at the office, or just TTH? I mean, it's hard to deny the "Mayhem" guy from recent Allstate commercials is a bastard and a half, and wears a tie bar in every ad.
--Nate


A: Based on the number of marriage proposals on YouTube, Allstate has an even bigger hit on their hands with Mayhem than Dos Equis had with The Most Interesting Man in the World.

There is a lot to like here: the shirt collar/tie knot combination, the real 5 o' clock shadow, the way he pulls off a receeding hairline, and of course that sinister grin. And the wink, too. It's no wonder women are crazy for this guy.

The only knock is the personalized license plate (pictured), which is the toolbag auto's de facto standard. As for the collar bar, it's a little Mad Men-y and hence played out, but if you're otherwise as artfully disheveled and bruised and cut up as Mayhem, it works to balance out the look.

Ask the MB: College-Affordable Raincoat

Welder Raincoat Freecut via muji.us, $12.75
Welder Raincoat Freecut via muji.us. $12.75.
Q: As a poor college student, what does MB suggest I wear for when it's raining out? I know you recommend a Mackintosh Coat but those a little too expensive for a student's budget.
-Peter


A: Muji Welder Raincoat Freecut. It looks like Prada and it's $12.75. But that's not even the best part. Whether you've got long arms or short, long torso or short, it doesn't matter; just grab a scissors and cut along the dotted lines on the hem and sleeves. (Scissors not included.)

UPDATE: Peter, here's what not to wear when it's raining: Sun Mountain Rainflex jackets and pants. Americans at the Ryder Cup had to abandon this permeable rain gear in favor of nonpourous ProQuip outerwear available at the merchandise tent.

Ask the MB: Faux 5 O'Clock Shadow

If you're going to do it, do it like this
If you're going to do it, do it like this
Q: What are the rules for stubble on your neck and face? To me, stubble/five o'clock shadow represent the 'I don't care, deal with it' look. I like it, if I had a thicker coat I'd do it. However, is it wrong to have a problem with those who shave the neck, but leave the face stubbled?
--Brian


A: No, it's not wrong to have a problem with this oxymoronic look. It's completely defeating the point of the stubble and doesn't make sense prima facie. Get it?

Add it to the list of other things we don't understand, like decaffeinated coffee, non-alcoholic beer, and dry humping.

Ask the MB: Club Wear

Ask the MB: Club Wear
Q: Naturally, an MB attracts the opposite sex at any time of day or night whether he is going outside to pick up the paper or waiting in line at the DMV. But, for those of us that like to go out to clubs and bars at night to meet women, what is MB-endorsed night party wear?
--Amir


A: We recommend Mark Nason boots, distressed jeans with a bunch of shit on the back pockets, and an untucked striped sport shirt.

Amir, we're just fucking with ya! Only wear this if you want to look like a participant in some sort of local university's toolbag cloning experiment.

Anyhow, the whole "club wear" concept is foreign to us and feels very TTH. On the contrary, you want to look like you didn't really try at all; you and some friends had dinner and just happened to end up on the floor, fist-pumping like Vinny from Jersey Shore.

Ask the MB: Skagen Watches

Ask the MB: Skagen Watches
Q: I'm shopping for watches and stumbled upon Skagen's line of titanium mesh watches. Normally that would sound like something of a gimmick to me, but they seem really sharp. The watches are super lightweight, and I think the particular model I like, the 233LTTM, meets the MB rule of understatement. More importantly, I'm told that these watches can really take a beating, and I tend to be rough on watches. What do you think? Thank you.
--Shane


A: When we think of worthwhile Danish exports, we think Lego, or Carlsberg, or May Andersen, not modernly styled titanium watches. For a few bucks more we instead recommend watches with Swiss (vs. Japanese) movements that can really take a beating like, say, war.

Not to sound like a broken record, but when in the market for a watch first see what Howard Marx has available, and if you have the dough the Kartago is an excellent choice you will be repeatedly complimented on.

Ask the MB: Expanding Waistline

A year later, giving up the sack record to Michael Strahan
A year later, giving up the sack record to Michael Strahan
Q: As we MBs get older, most of us fight a valiant battle against middle-age spread. My svelte lines aren't what they used to be, despite my efforts, and I'm finding it harder and harder to make my Magnificent outfits look right. What advice do you have for us over-35 MBs to help us maintain our Bastardly good looks and taste in the face of increasing waistlines? What fits or methods are going to universally look MB on the bigger man? Thanks, and keep up the good work!
--Red


A: A few weeks into the 2000 season, when 30 year-old quarterback Brett Favre was dealing with both tendonitis and conditioning issues, John Madden said, "The older you get, the harder you have to work." While it seems a little backwards and slightly unfair, it's the truth for QBs and MBs alike.

So, Red, we're not going to tell you to which shades of lipstick to apply to a pig, or which oversized camp shirt looks best untucked. Because we can't, in good conscience, plop you down on the very slippery slope to sweatpants and tracksuits.

In other words, get to work.

Ask the MB: Winter Hat

Most recent Brad Pitt newsboy sighting: August 2009
Most recent Brad Pitt newsboy sighting: August 2009
Q: I need a winter hat. The Chicago winter is fast approaching and I have been scouring both brick and mortar and the internet for a hat that works for me. It's difficult because flat caps seem to be way too ubiquitous. Also, every fedora type hat I have ever tried on makes me feel like a total toolbag. That leaves very few styles short of just your standard knit cap, which I sometimes wear. However, I long for something a little more unique. I have looked into the Stormy Kromer hat you mentioned last year, but I feel the baseball bill really isn't my thing. Any help you could give in steering me towards a new hat would be greatly appreciated.
--Steven


A: Besides being ubiquitous (in spite of Cuba Gooding Jr. signaling them as outgoing a while back), a flat cap vs. Chicago winter is the equivalent of scissors vs. rock. Same with a fedora.

In the winter months we advocate cashmere from head to toe, and if you can't currently swing a drawer full of $250 Maurizio Amadei cashmere boxers and $64 Paul Smith cashmere socks, start with the head and work your way down. This this 5+1_Annapurna ($98) and this Malo ($79) and this Bottega Veneta ($220) are all knit caps, but they're far from ordinary.

Ask the MB: Athletic Socks

John McEnroe winning his first Wimbledon in 1981
John McEnroe winning his first Wimbledon in 1981
Q: My wife and I have a disagreement. We joined a "walk for charity" the other day. Most of the men were wearing ankle socks with their tennis shoes. I have always preferred the calf-high athletic sock pushed down just slightly to give it a disheveled look whenever I run or work out. My wife is trying to tell me that the calf high sock is out of style and the ankle sock is the new style. I think ankle socks are for women tennis players. While a real man wears calf-high athletic socks. Will you please set her straight?
--Eamon


A: Congratulations, Eamon, on being a lot less wrong than your wife. We see where you're going with the artfully disheveled tube sock look, but would like it better if they've got a stripe or two, as worn by male tennis players. As for your wife's current thinking on men's socks, ankle socks suck. They offer none of the disheveled/vintage benefits of quarter or crew-length, and leave tan lines that trash the exposed ankle look.

Our suggestion is no-show socks. Wigwam, based in Sheboygan, Wisconsin -- a town so completely Wisconsin we invented and then named a cocktail after it -- makes a good no-show athletic sock that's primarily cotton, an organic materials rarity in the age of Dri-release®, Lumiza™, Coolmax®, or other new-fangled synthetics that only serve to make our feet sweat.

Ask the MB: October Booze Cruise

Ask the MB: October Booze Cruise
Q: So I've got a work boat cruise party coming up in the middle of October (I live in Virginia). I'm at a loss of what to wear. I'm starting with a pair of AG's, a nice pair of not too pointed/not too square black Clarks loafers I'm at a loss of how to be bastardly magnificent at this point. I've got the Carolina Blue Gingham Shirt, but I'm wondering if maybe a solid shirt/tie and a simple blazer might knock it out of the park. It's easy to put in barely any effort to stand out style wise with engineers, but really looking to set myself apart. Thanks!!!
--Wade


A: We're on record advocating for gingham as a year-round pattern, so definitely wear that shirt.

If you really want to hit it out of the park -- essentially becoming your office's Mr. October -- pair it with a brown corduroy blazer, like this one from Banana ($198), or this one from J. Crew ($138), or if you're flush this one by Etro ($990). It's the cocktailing equivalent of mixing ginger into bourbon lemonade; you're hitting the appropriate fall notes while your shirt and leisure activity read summer (and you can wear that blazer for the next 5 months).

Suddenly we're very thirsty.

UPDATE: The J. Crew version is now on sale for $99, $109 for Tall.

Ask the MB: White After Labor Day

Ask the MB: White After Labor Day
Q: What is the rule with wearing white after Labor Day? I have heard a bunch of different rules and wanted to get the official MB stance on this. I live in the south and we can have warm weather all the way though October so I didnt know if I had to go ahead and hang up all my white attire (linen pants, dress shorts, loafers, etc) till memorial day or not? Thanks.
--Zack


Q: The Memorial-Day-to-Labor-Day thing is an antiquated sartorial rule, like a hat requirement when when standing in an unemployment line. Even up here in Wisconsin we've adopted a May-Day-to-end-of-MLB-regular-season rule. If you live in the south, extend that to the end of the World Series. But please think twice about those linen pants.

Ask the MB: Umbrellas

Men's Stag's Horn Handle Umbrella via www.swaineadeney.co.uk, $580.57
Men's Stag's Horn Handle Umbrella via www.swaineadeney.co.uk. $580.57.
Q: I've been struggling with finding a good umbrella -- all of mine are hugely logoed. Where does an MB get his umbrellas?
--Albert


A: Albert, legible clothing is one thing. Legible umbrellas are quite another. Even when paired with golf spikes, this is a look to avoid unless you've got a paying sponsor.

When it comes to umbrellas it's important to buy one made in England, and not merely to satisfy the MB principle of Anglophilia. Besides soccer, James Bond, and the flush toilet, the British also invented rain.

If you're flush (with cash) then there's really only one option: A Swaine Adeney Brigg umbrella, preferably covered in coated silk and handled with horn from a deer or buffalo. Just don't leave this behind in a taxi. A tiny notch down from Brigg is James Smith & Sons, who've been making umbrellas for 180 years. Their solid stick umbrellas are essentially bespoke, handmade and measured and cut according to your height. Finally there's this Paul Smith stripe umbrella which, while not made or horn or silk, folds into something you can slip into your bag and doesn't cost more than the per-capita income of Burundi.

Ask the MB: Teacher Look

Ask the MB: Teacher Look
Q: I'm starting a new school year on Tuesday and want to know: what does an MB teacher wear?
--Eric


A: As is often the case, movies hold the answer. You want to set yourself apart from the Phys. Ed. teacher, but not go too dressy in the direction of Mr. Hand or Ben Stein's famed economics teacher; it's a slippery slope towards administration, or Looking Like Principal Richard Vernon.

While this was the least believable movie role since Denise Richards played a nuclear physicist in The World is Not Enough, Bradley Cooper's artfully disheveled prep-school teacher in The Hangover strikes a fine balance: vest (one size smaller than normal), sleeve-rolled chambray work shirt, undone repp tie, accessorized with a vintage watch in a black nylon band.

Ask the MB: San Diego Padres Uniforms

San Diego Padres pitcher Clayton Richard
San Diego Padres pitcher Clayton Richard
Q: Can the "not soon to be in first place" Padres 10-game losing streak be explained by their ridiculous jerseys this past Sunday?
--Richard


A: In a badly misguided effort to honor the military, the Padres have worn camo jerseys on Sunday home games since 2008, a full two years after camo became post-peak.

Ask the MB: Slim-Fit Shirts for Tall Guys With Long Arms

Commonwealth Proper 'Almy' Shirt via Commonwealth Proper, $150.00
Commonwealth Proper 'Almy' Shirt via Commonwealth Proper. $150.00.
Q: I'm a 6' 3" fellow with long arms and a long torso. I've been looking around for some casual button downs to wear untucked but all of the ones that I've found, the sleeves have been at least an inch too short. I wear slim-fit shirts and, short of ordering custom tailored and rolling up every button down shirt I own, where would you suggest I purchase shirts that are both casual and not too expensive?
--Jacob


A: Jacob, we're in the same boat and know exactly what you mean. Why don't shirtmakers make off-the-rack garments for tall, sinewy lads like us? It's discriminatory!

If you can't be bothered going the custom shirt route (see our feature on custom shirts), we've found a shirtmaker that meets your needs, with the possible exception of price: Philadelphia-based Commonwealth Proper makes just 20 copies of each shirt (in the USA) and releases a few new versions each month. Their large will fit you like a glove, but don't just take our word for it. You can find out for yourself with a free home try-on by emailing your address to try@commonwealthproper.com.

Ask the MB: Indochino Suits

Indochino Utility Suit via indochino.com, $369.00
Indochino Utility Suit via indochino.com. $369.00.
Q: What are your thoughts on Indochino? They have some pretty inexpensive suits, but they look rather, well, cheap. MB or not worth my time?
--Bryce


A: We want to do a custom suit feature this fall, and hope Indochino participates so we can answer your question in great detail. Their suits range in price from $329 to $449. For that price you cannot expect Kiton. (If any readers are in the custom suit-making business, drop us a line if you're interested in participating in the feature.)

Ask the MB: What Color Socks with Jeans and Sneakers?

Ask the MB: What Color Socks with Jeans and Sneakers?
Q: What color socks should I wear with my white TST sneakers and dark-blue AG jeans? What's the underlying principle here?
--John


A: John, you've got superb taste.

Where we're from, white sneakers are on about the same wearing calendar as white pants -- Pulaski road slush really does a number on them -- which means the weather almost always calls for exposed ankles with this shoe-pant combo. But don't spare the socks. Even encased in stylish Japanese sneakers, feet without socks stink worse than Van Halen without David Lee Roth.

We've worn these for years and therefore highly recommend Banana Republic no-show loafer socks. They're now discounted so if you buy 3 or more pair they're just $5.43 each. (Choose white for this use, of course.) Another option (that we haven't tried) is young entrepreneur Philip Bunting's Mocc Sock & Co.'s version (pictured), which also come in gray and are only slightly more expensive than BR.

Ask the MB: Football Game Outfit -- Man Edition

Roll Tide. Yes.
Roll Tide. Yes.
Q: What does an MB wear to an early September (over 100 degrees) afternoon football game at the alma mater?
--Claxton


A: Even in cooler Big Ten climes, afternoon September football games against the likes of Austin Peay are best enjoyed at a bar near the stadium, rather than squeezed in with 80,000 sticky, sweaty Badger fans.

If the ticket's already purchased, follow our advice already given to Los Angeles Lakers fans: look like a fan without really trying. This means shorts, shoes/sandals, and a t-shirt/SS you'd feel comfortable wearing to a non-gameday BBQ, with only a subtle hint of your team loyalties. In other words, somewhere in between the plastic flip-flop, team jersey, backward ballcap-wearing undergraduate throngs, and the legible grey-haired alum with the world's worst sunburn.

Ask the MB: Football Game Outfit -- Woman Edition

Ask the MB: Football Game Outfit -- Woman Edition
Q: This is a question for Spectacular Bitch, but since she's making us wait, like, forever ... I'd like your opinion on what to wear to Lambeau on Thursday night. I'll be in a suite with business partners so a cheese bra is out of the question. Please advise.
--Kelly


A: In lieu of the cheese bra (save that for November 7th against Dallas, when we'll be there) here's an effortless, SB-appropriate outfit for a cool August night:

* TOP: Splendid Whisper Draped Top
. With come-hither look. $55 via shopbop.com.

* BOTTOM: Your favorite pair of designer denim. We like AG if you've got it, Hudson if it's going a little south.

* FOOTWEAR: Sandals, with toes in buff or nude.

* WINNING SB ACCESSORY: Super long and slimming and green Chan Luu crinkle fringe scarf. $95 via saksfifthavenue.com.

Go, Pack, Go!

Ask the MB: Minimalist Wallets

Ask the MB: Minimalist Wallets
Q: Let's talk about Bastardic pockets/pocket gear. Am I correct in the belief that inside an MB's pockets there should only be a minimalistic non-George Costanza wallet, a maximum of 2 keys with no obtrusive keyring and a cellphone? Keys and wallet on the left, phone on the right and party in the middle. Oh, and a mini Altoids tin in the coin pocket of your jeans, as this eliminates that offensive sound of announcing your arrival by walking. I have this Dopp wallet which I think is MB...your thoughts?
--Robert


A: We've previously endorsed minimal, non-George Costanza wallets. Specifically, the MAKR CARRY GOODS "One" ($60) made from free-range cattle each given a loving pat on the head before being shipped to slaughter, and Malcolm Fontier's polyurethane "Mojito" ($29) for more highly evolved types.

While Dopp certainly has a pedigree -- German immigrant Charles Doppelt invented the toiletry case in 1919 -- a magnet seems like an especially bad materials choice for a money clip. Besides potentially demagnetizing something like a room key, the clip's effectivness diminishes in proportion to the more cash an MB is carrying.

Ask the MB: Wedding Dress

Tigerlily Off Shoulder Hot Dress via shopbop.com, $121.00
Tigerlily Off Shoulder Hot Dress via shopbop.com. $121.00.
Q: For an Irish-themed wedding, is it all right to wear a black mini dress? Or is a floral longer dress more appropriate?
--Alexandra


A: Hon, this is a question best left to Spectacular Bitch, but as SBs are wont to do, they're making us wait.

Anyhow, the answer is "neither." Even if the longer dress was made with printed shamrocks, flowers are best when used in combination with vases. And while we strongly endorse black mini dresses, they're for the club, not a wedding. Instead, wear something that hits right around the knee, like this silk "Lorelei" dress (but go ahead and get the mini dress too).

Ask the MB: Tie Clips

Ask the MB: Tie Clips
Q: What are your thoughts on tie clips? I've noticed some articles on ties and suits and thought maybe I skimmed over something on tie clips. I have a wedding coming up and will be sporting a 2 button, single vented, dark grey, slim fitting suit with white/charcoal edged cotton pocket square, purple checked shirt and a solid lavender tie. Will a well placed silver tie clip make the outfit complete?
--Mike (MB in training)


A: Mike, are you angling for a cameo on The Sartorialist?

Besides strongly recommending a plain white pocket square, we'd pass on the tie clip. Like fused collars, collar stays, creased pants, starch, and excessive hair gelling, tie clips contribute to a too neat, too calculated, too TTH look. We call for freedom for ties! To dangle asymmetrically, to catch a little gust of wind, to do their part contributing to the aesthetic goal of artful dishevelment.

Ask the MB: Guy Fieri

Ask the MB: Guy Fieri
Q: When you finally get the Toolbag Fantasy League section of this site up and running, I call dibs on The Food Network's Guy Fieri. He is clearly the anchor for a championship caliber squad. I happened to flip past him on television last night and the guy is not missing a single facet of toolbagism. I of course am operating under the assumption that he had a cell phone belt holster hiding underneath his size XXL bowling style shirt with flames printed on it. Watch out fellow Fantasy Toolbag Leaguers, I plan on hoisting the silverware at the end of the season.
--Steven


A: Timely question/comment Steven, since the New York Times has a feature on the classic toolbag archetype in today's paper that begins with him opening a performance at Circus Maximus at Caesars Atlantic City to "Sweet Home Alabama."

Ask the MB: Toy Watch

Stained Glass Plasteramic Watch  via Toy Watch, $225.00
Stained Glass Plasteramic Watch via Toy Watch. $225.00.
What's your take on Toy Watch? I'm feeling quite tempted to buy myself one but there's a little voice of doubt inside myself telling me to stay away...
--CD


A: Listen to that little voice, CD, because it's noticed that Toy Watch -- which look like a Rolex humped a Swatch -- was once sold at Barney's and Bergdorf Goodman, and is now available at Sears. These were watches of the moment, and that moment happened three years ago.

For just a few bucks more, buy a mechanical watch (i.e., not quartz) based on a design worn by British airmen doing battle against Hermann Göring's Luftwaffe, rather than a timepiece recommended by Ellen DeGeneres and, far more damagingly, featured on Oprah's Favorite Things.

Ask the MB: Coasters

S Kirk & Son Repousse Sterling Silver Coaster 1940 via Ruby Lane, $175.00
S Kirk & Son Repousse Sterling Silver Coaster 1940 via Ruby Lane. $175.00.
Q: I recently upgraded the desk in my den to a nice hardwood number and realized something while pouring myself a congratulatory drink - I need coasters. A lot has been said about what to drink and when, but what do you put them on? Stone? Wood? Plain glass-sized napkins?
--Adam


A: Adam, the principle of organic materials extends beyond your wardrobe to your home, too, and that definitely includes your choice in coasters. Stone surely qualifies, as does wood, but wood on wood is too matchy-matchy; and cloth napkins, while requiring laundering (and folding), are a tad too tea party.

No, this is your den, your man cave. It's the place where you pay the bills, watch sports, and gaze up at shelves filled with books you haven't read. You need a coaster worthy of your exclusive one-man club, so go for something vintage, hopefully with a few dings, and clearly one of a kind, like this sterling silver version by S. Kirk & Son, a Baltimore silversmith that dates its beginning to 1815.

Ask the MB: Blazer and Pants Combo

Ask the MB: Blazer and Pants Combo
Q: My husband and I are visiting NYC this summer and have reservations at an upscale restaurant that requires jackets for men. What jackets/blazers do you recommend that can be worn with non-jeans without looking like a total toolbag?
--Melissa


A: A jacket requirement at a time when the record-breaking NYC heat is forcing at least one Prospect Park woman to cook dinner in her underwear is reason to instead consider, say, holing up in your air-conditioned hotel room and ordering room service.

If you do decide to venture out, we hear what you're saying about matching blazers with non-denim. While nearly 100% of blazers go with blue jeans, the success rate with trousers is no better than 10%. Unless they're white. White pants are nearly denim's blazer-matching equivalent, so rather than go shopping for a new blazer, find him a great pair of white pants (and they're all on sale now).

Ask the MB: Ginch Gonch

Ginch Gonch 'I Love Bacon' Sleep Pants via ginchgonch.com, $39.00
Ginch Gonch 'I Love Bacon' Sleep Pants via ginchgonch.com. $39.00.
Q: Considering Ginch Gonch. How much fun can underwear be?
--Eric


A: We don't remember wearing underwear this brightly colored (or legible) since 1st grade, when we didn't have much say in the matter. With names like "Thick n' Meaty," "London Ballin'," "Mighty Muscle," and "Tiger's Wood," we get the strong sense the GG marketing department may be overcompensating for something. However, we'd definitely consider the bacon sleep pants because everyone knows that everything -- including sleep pants -- is better with bacon.

SEE ALSO: The Magnificent Bastard Underwear Guide with exclusive testicle constriction rating.

Ask the MB: What the Hell is Slub?

John Varvatos Slub Tee via zappos.com, $74.20
John Varvatos Slub Tee via zappos.com. $74.20.
Q: What the hell is slub?
--Pete


A: Slub is a thick, irregular place in yarn or fabric, and definitely adheres to the MB principles of artful dishevelment and none-too-neat. Unfortunately everyone has jumped on the slub bandwagon -- we've even seen it on MLB attire -- so it's headed post-peak and suspect savvy designers will completely abandon it for 2011. If you own it, wear it now while you still can.

Ask the MB: Sandals That Don't Feel Like a Thong

Bally Fresney sueded leather sandals via bally.com, $243.00
Bally Fresney sueded leather sandals via bally.com. $243.00.
Q: Do you have any recommendations for sandals that do not have a strap shoved between my big and second toe? I know it's a hang-up of mine, but the feeling of having the strap tug up between those two toes is too much like having underwear run up my butt crack. In other words, do you have a good "commando" sandal suggestion?
--Richard


A: We don't have the same hang-up as you, and we've never had underwear run up our butt crack, but if you're feeling that thong sandals are too much like a capital "T" Thong, then definitely leave those to the fairer sex.

A couple of years ago, during our first-annual Pedicure Awareness Month, we recommended these Paul Smith crisscross sandals from Barney's Co-Op. They're long gone now, and this has been a lousy season for great sandals, but the idea is the same: go for crisscross or strap sandals with an opening wide enough to not compact your toes, like this versatile sueded Bally version, now 50% off. (Limited sizes, so hurry.)

Ed. note: If you have toes not fit for public consumption (you know who you are) and insist on sandals, please be kind to others and go closed-toe fisherman. Thank you.

Ask the MB: Dad's Tuxedo

Tom, what happened?
Tom, what happened?
Q: Hello! I'm sending my mother and father to the San Francisco Opera for Wagner's Ring Cycle and it has been formally requested that all men wear tuxedos to opening night. This has sent us on a search for the perfect tuxedo. Now, we already know that you recommend a double-vented jacket for maximum bastardliness, but on the matter of the pants: pleated or plain? Thanks so much for your magnificence!
--Amanda-Louise


A: In Apocalypse Now Lt. Col. Bill Kilgore had his boys play Wagner's Ride of the Valkyries because "it scares the hell out of the slopes!," but it shouldn't scare your father from flat front trousers. Middle age is no excuse for pleats. Like smoking grass leads to heroin addiction, they're gateway attire to sweatpants, followed closely by full-on tracksuits.

Ask the MB: Pants Rolling

Ask the MB: Pants Rolling
Q: Is rolling pants magnificent? It doesn't seem so, but there it is, apparently. nytimes.com/2010/07/15/fashion/15ROW.html
--Zac


A: We addressed this in early spring as the fad was emerging, in a Steve McQueen-Erkel side-by-side. As with most novelties to sweep the streets of Manhattan, we don't get it. Yeah, exposed ankles can be a very good thing, but pants rolling effectively shortens your legs, making you appear, uh, shorter. It's too bad 7' 7" Manute Bol recently died; he was a perfect pant-rolling candidate! Finally, the fact that the craze was popularized by the shrunken, man-shrinking designer Thom Browne really seals the deal. Our advice: Wait this one out (it won't be long).

Ask the MB: Polo Shirt Wear

Not quite there, J. Crew
Not quite there, J. Crew
Q: I have a couple of polo shirts that have gotten lines in the collars from lots of wear. I iron them, but it doesn't seem to remove the whole line. Is there any way remove/prevent this from happening?
--Tom

A: Tom, do you realize J. Crew has an entire division of fabric engineers dedicated to creating ersatz collar lines, and they still have not duplicated what you've achieved naturally via hundreds of wash cycles? Accept and embrace these lines, and most importantly, like tax returns, leave all ironing to professionals.

(Take an extra 20% off Final Sale with code Extra20)

Ask the MB: Independence Day Graphic Tees

Ask the MB: Independence Day Graphic Tees
Q: Today I was at the mall and saw that American Eagle Outfitters is having a $5 graphic tees sale. I love graphic tees, can sport a patriotic look, and the fact that I tend to spend more on a Five Guys hamburger isn't off-putting. What do you think?
--Mike


A: Our recommendation is to instead go with the bacon cheeseburger and a large cajun style fries. We're not bit fans of graphic tees, especially ones with flags, red white and blue, and other advertisements of how much you dig this country. Keep it understated, like a pair of stars-and-stripes boxers. Or celebrate like we do, by grilling out, drinking to excess, and donating generously to the ACLU.

Ask the MB: Cary Grant's Regular Glasses

Ask the MB: Cary Grant's Regular Glasses
Q: I've been rambling through the web for months now hoping I could find a name and model of the black horn-rimmed glasses the late wonderful Mr. Cary Grant wore. They were so plain yet held their own level of style among the simplicity. What can you all tell me?
--T.R.


A: While we're still researching the make/model of Mr. Grant's North by Northwest sunglasses, we're confident about his off-screen glasses as pictured on this old GQ cover: They're Rodenstock Roccos.

To our eye, Roccos look not so much like glasses as the theatrical prop version of glasses -- glasses that even the folks in the last aisle of the balcony can see. This isn't to say we don't like them -- just that the degree of difficulty in pulling them off is high. Unless your face is a leading man type itself, they will steal the scene from it every time. And who wants to be upstaged by their glasses?

Ask the MB: MB Reading List

Ask the MB: MB Reading List
Q: I read Class which you suggested and it was a great book. It opened my eyes to what class is. Now everywhere I go I am sizing things up. Any more books your protégés should read?
--Vik

Q: Love your site! Do you have some reading suggestions? You already mentioned Fussell's Class, which I agree is just hilarious. As a backgrounder for that I'd suggest Veblen's Theory of the Leisure Class. Looking forward to any other recommendations.
--Jochen


A: These are two of about a half-dozen emails we've received regarding a recommended reading list. While there's only one Class, here are a few other MB-endorsed books you can get through by Labor Day:

BAD Or, the Dumbing of America, Paul Fussell
Red Lobster, White Trash & the Blue Lagoon, Joe Queenan
Why Evolution is True, Jerry A. Coyne
The Modern Drunkard, Frank Kelly Rich

Ask the MB: Flying Attire

Channing Tatum's got the Vans part right
Channing Tatum's got the Vans part right
Q: MB, what are your thoughts on airplane attire? Comfortable is a plus, but of course it must be bastardly enough to defy the disturing trend of pajama wearers who have inundated our nation's skies.
--Stephen


A: We agree, today's fliers look like they're ready to either a.) attend a slumber party, or b.) run the 100 meter hurdles. Millions of Americans in tracksuits is probably not the outcome Osama bin Laden had in mind, but in the War on Style, the terrorists have won.

Just a couple of simple rules here: 1.) Wear pants that don't require a belt (no drawstrings or elastic allowed), and 2.) Wear a pair of shoes you can easily slip on and off, like these John Varvatos canvas slip-on loafers or for something more casual, Sperry slip-ons, or Vans.

Ask the MB: Beckham and Capello's World Cup Suits

Ask the MB: Beckham and Capello's World Cup Suits
Q: What does MB think of David Beckham and Fabio Capello's Umbro suits for the 2010 World Cup? Is this a winning look?
--Brennan


A: Nicely proportioned lapel, two button front, four button (which we presume to be functioning) cuffs, double rear vents in the traditional British style, and a three-lion crest. If you can excuse the creases in the pants, there is a lot to like here -- but unfortunately FIFA doesn't award any points for the amount of fearsome wildlife on your breast pocket.

With England currently 0-0-2, with just one goal to its credit, and unlikely to make it out of the weak Group C, the suits are looking a little TTH, like Beckham and Capello spent more time preparing their wardrobe than their team.

Ask the MB: Rollerblading

Ask the MB: Rollerblading
Q: Great posts about biking. However, and I feel stupid for asking, my GF loves to Rollerblade. Is this an activity I can enjoy with her without looking like a total toolbag?
--Jared


A: Jared, watch this instructional Rollerblade video for ten seconds -- no, make that two seconds -- and the answer should be clear. In addition, we encourage you to read our extremely effective dating and relationship guide: separate interests. Okay, now re-read it, memorize it, and put it into action. When she goes Rollerblading, go play golf. When she's at yoga, take a nap. When she's gardening, pop a beer and watch The Big Game*. To paraphrase the Roman poet Sextus Propertius, the less time you spend together, the longer you'll stay together.

* any game where the National Anthem is played

Ask the MB: Patent Leather Puma Sport Fashion

Ask the MB: Patent Leather Puma Sport Fashion
Q: I think every Puma sport fashion shoe you guys post sells out pretty quickly. I'm looking for an all around black shoe to wear to work or out with friends. How does this one work for an MB in training?
--Justin


A: If this came in a matte black version, or a matte anything version, we'd enthusiastically recommend it. But unless you're at a wedding, patent leather has no place in your wardrobe. It violates the key MB matte vs. gloss principle, and would be too much for using it the way you've described (unless you work as a wedding planner, or crash a lot of weddings with your friends).

Ask the MB: Spread Collars

Rule: If your nose is as long and sharp as a point collar, wear a spread collar.
Rule: If your nose is as long and sharp as a point collar, wear a spread collar.
Q: Been looking at Biased Cut ever since you posted the Custom Shirt Reviews. What do you recommend as far as collars? I like the look of the spread collar as it seems more modern. Did you order any spread collared shirts?
--Mark


A: No, we didn't order any spread collar shirts for a couple of reasons:

1. They demand a Windsor knot, and while it's definitely a break from our severe case of Anglophilia, we much prefer the four-in-hand.

2. 95 out of 100 guys look better with a point-style collar. It's similar to striped shirts, with point collars equalling vertical stripes and spread collars equalling horizontal stripes. If you're the rare man who needs his face fattened, a spread collar can work. If you're not, point collars are a much better bet.

Ask the MB: Boating Hat

Ask the MB: Boating Hat
Q: I am looking for a hat to wear while on my boat. But hats are tricky and could easily fall into the TTH realm. Any suggestions?
--Matt


A: We like to think of boats as convertibles of the sea, and our rule for convertibles is to let Mother Nature serve as your stylist. As JFK convincingly demonstrates, nothing looks better than artfully dishevelled, wind-blown hair.

If you don't have enough hair for Mother Nature to style, we recommend the sort of low-profile, long-billed cap that Ernest Hemingway used to favor (top). Quaker Marine has been making them since 1948. Their Original Swordfish model will give you the protection from the sun you need while steering you clear of captain's hats, which have been relegated to the style brig for decades now due to their popularity amongst 1970s-era nautical toolbags and screw-ups.

Ask the MB: Wowcool.org

Ask the MB: Wowcool.org
Q: Year long reader here. Thanks for all the tips. On to my question: What is up with www.wowcool.org? Prada sneakers for $40 with free shipping? True Religion jeans for $40.00? What gives? Usually when things are too good to be true they usually are. I know that you probably don't want to give this site any exposure by posting this on your blog but maybe you could e-mail me personally?
--Nick


A: Wowcool.org is a Chinese site that sells counterfeit products. If you don't mind wearing clunky $40 Praba sneakers, this is the place to find them. If a company can't even manufacture a decent logo in Photoshop, do you really want to trust them to manufacture a pair of shoes?

Ask the MB: Intern Dress Shirts

Biased Cut's center back pleat
Biased Cut's center back pleat
Q: I am starting my internship this summer. What dress shirt colors do you recommend? And what type of patterns are acceptable and go well with which color?
--Garvin


A: Garvin, it's sounds like you're not only new to the world of work, but maybe also new to the world of getting dressed. So we recommend that you keep things simple. Get a white shirt and a blue shirt. Either will go with any suit, tie, or pants you own.

If you're looking for specific recommendations, check out our custom shirt feature. While Chicago's Deo Veritas made our favorite shirt in Carolina Blue Gingham, don't venture into checks until you land a job. We've gotten great reader feedback on Biased Cut shirts and they make a basic white and basic blue. Theirs was the best-fitting shirt of the ones we reviewed, and they'll even send you a complimentary measuring tape if you don't have one to take your measurements. Just be sure you're OK with the central back pleat (which we like), and request a non-fused collar with 1/4" stitching.

Ask the MB: What to Wear With Blue Seersucker Pants

Have that crease removed!
Have that crease removed!
Q: I'm going to a large picnic out of town and want to look my sharpest. I just bought a pair of blue and white seersucker slacks and a very sharp pair of navy suede loafers with a brass buckle on them. What I was wondering is, what kind of shirt should I wear to complete my summer themed look?
--T.R.


A: T.R., the pants and the shoes aren't having an argument, but they're definitely carrying on a rather loud conversation. In this case the role of the shirt is to observe, quietly. Wear a simple white sport shirt with this outfit, like this slim-fit Theory option. The fabric's subtle lustre offers the desired texture contrast to the puckery seersucker and nappy suede.

A couple of other strong suggestions while you're on the line:

1. One way to make seersucker less Gregory Peck and more 21st century MB is to remove the crease. Assuming they're flat front (and they really need to be), simply staple a "no crease" note to a belt loop for the cleaner.

2. Definitely show some ankle and wear these no-show loafer socks.

Ask the MB: Bryan Ferry, The James Bond of Rock 'n' Roll?

Ask the MB: Bryan Ferry, The James Bond of Rock 'n' Roll?
Q: I was just thinking about how Bryan Ferry hasn't ever popped up on this site (at least that I can remember)...I think he deserves a little more recognition than he gets for a few reasons:

1. His music is some of the best made in the 80s. Particularly with Roxy Music. Contemporary at the time but still classic despite the normal pitfalls of the era (very "80s" production, dependence on models gracing the album covers).

2. Impeccable style. Look at literally ANY photo of him. Perfectly rolled sleeves, check. Askew bowtie or loose necktie, check. Commitment to a classic hairstyle for 40 years, check.

3. Dated Amanda Lear, Jerry Hall (BEFORE Mick Jagger), married Lucy Helmore...

4. He's British.

Basically what we're talking about here is the Bond of Rock'n'roll.
--Carter


A: We like the idea of a "Bond of rock 'n' roll" and appreciate the case you make for Ferry. There is, however, the little matter of this photo from 1972, which clearly suggests the influence he would eventually have on cultural icons as diverse as Wild at Heart-era Nic Cage, Ed Grimley, and Siegfried & Roy. That's a tough legacy to overcome, and to be honest, while we know he played a crucial role in synth-pop's evolution as aural tranquilizer, Avalon never made us feel all that comfortably numb. While a better candidate for the Bond of rock 'n' roll doesn't immediately come to mind, we're abstaining from voting for now.

Ask the MB: Aviator Eyeglasses?

Ask the MB: Aviator Eyeglasses?
Q: You seem to really like the aviator style for sunglasses. Do you consider them MB for eyeglasses as well?
--John


A: Aviator frames without tinted lenses are like non-alcoholic beer or vegetarian Beefaroni -- they're missing the thing that makes the thing the thing! To illustrate our point, look at Bradley Cooper in tinted aviators (top) and GQ Style Editor Jim Moore in aviators with clear lenses. The former displays classic MB style. The latter, as we've observed in the past, looks like our high school algebra teacher. If you want to stay on the winning side of this equation, leave the clear aviators to Moore and Lumberg, mmm'kay?

Ask the MB: Clint Orms Belt Buckle

14K gold buckle w/ two 1/4 karat diamonds via Clint Orms, $11600.00
14K gold buckle w/ two 1/4 karat diamonds via Clint Orms. $11600.00.
Q: I recently picked up a silver Clint Orms "Trophy" buckle on vacation out west. In a room of Texan high-rollers you could call it understated, but I'm not sure how to pull it off in NYC without looking like a confused cowboy. Any suggestions?
--Charles


A: Charles, we applaud your decision to get a Clint Orms trophy buckle. For those unfamiliar with Orms, he's a Texas-based silversmith and engraver known for his meticulously crafted belt buckles that along with silver incorporate gold, rubies, diamonds, sapphires, and emeralds. A single buckle may be constructed from as many as 200 different pieces, take 200 hours to make, and cost upwards of $20,000.

Always remember, though, that while a belt buckle in it simplest form is functional, a belt buckle that costs more than $20 is essentially male jewelry, and male jewelry involving precious metals and stones is typically an express train to Toolbagville. So restraint is crucial. Orms clearly gets this -- even at their most ornate, his trophy buckles display a sense of lavish understatement (see example, pictured).

The key to wearing them in NYC is to keep that principle in mind. First, we'd recommend going with a matte black/brown leather belt rather than lizard, alligator, or anything else with a lot of shine or texture. Second, keep everything else simple too: Unadulterated denim, canvas sneakers or sandals, and a well-worn tee or polo can work with an Orms trophy buckle. Never wear it with a suit. Never wear it with a shirt that has pearl snap buttons or Western-style stitching. Never wear it with a cowboy hat, a lariat, or cowboy boots -- which should be pretty easy since you should never wear a cowboy hat, a lariat, or cowboy boots in NYC anyhow.

Ask the MB: Boots in the Summer

Rugged twill MacAlister boots via J. Crew, $150.00
Rugged twill MacAlister boots via J. Crew. $150.00.
Q: When (if ever) is it acceptable to wear boots during summer? I'm getting tired of sneakers and flip flops already and it's only May. By the way, I live in Atlanta so it's damn near 100 degrees already with humidity through the roof. Boots just seem like TTH in the summer...what's the ruling?
--Cody


A: You've heard of desert boots, no? In the desert, it's always summer, at least when it isn't freezing. What we're saying is, sure, wear boots. Nothing higher than your ankle, and nothing an Eskimo would consider practical. Not long ago, we told our readers to stick with the classic desert boots -- Clarks. They're the boots that British officers wore in WWII while fighting tank battles with Rommel in the North African desert in June of 1942. The action was so hot there that the battle was dubbed "the Cauldron." But let's face it -- taking Panzer fire from Nazis in the dry wastelands of Libya in mid-summer is one thing, but Atlanta humidity is another thing entirely. So if you're looking for something a little lighter than suede, try these J. Crew MacAlister boots, which approximate the look of the Clarks originals but are constructed out of cotton twill.

Ask the MB: Polo Match Outfit

Ask the MB: Polo Match Outfit
Q: I am going to a polo event on June 12th. I have not been to one. What to wear? Obviously weather plays a part in this, so let's assume it is 90 + degrees and sunny. I would love the detail for the outfit and sunglasses (total to spend $2500.00) and I have a great watch. I am more concerned with pant, shirt, jacket, and shoes. Thanks!
--JJ


A: This may be your first polo match, but that doesn't mean everyone has to know. Follow the lead of Prince Harry, who has been there before, many times over, and go casual. Based on your budget, here's some specific pieces that will make you look like carefree royalty. (Caveat: Harry gets everything right from the neck down. His Maui Jim-style sunglasses should be left to the toolbag rabble.)
Post O'Alls Cpost Chambray Long Sleeve

SHIRT
Post O'Alls Cpost Chambray Long Sleeve
$198
via Steven Alan

JEANS
SPURR Pipe Leg White Jeans
$285
via Bloomingdale's

BELT
Kicking Mule Workshop - Brown Belt with Handforged Buckle
$330
via Context Clothing

SOCKS
Happy Socks - The Stripes
$10.50
via Gent Supply Co.

SHOES
Yves Saint Laurent Jeffrey Loafers
$635.00
via Saks Fifth Avenue



With shipping this adds up to ~$1600.00. Spend the balance on several rounds of MBs for everyone at bar afterwards.

Ask the MB: John Lennon Sunglasses

Ask the MB: John Lennon Sunglasses
Q: I've been trying to find sunglasses like the ones John Lennon wore in this photo. Any suggestions? (Feel free to comment on how great they are as well.)
--Zach


A: Imagine there are no designer sunglasses, Zach. It isn't hard to do...

In such a world, even millionaire rockstars wear "P3" frames issued by the government's nationalized healthcare program. And when it's sunny out, they slap on a pair "P4" clip-ons. This, at least, is what our glasses expert tells us Lennon is doing in that pic. While we're dubious about the common-man pretensions underlying the gesture, we can't argue with the aesthetic results. Done right, eyewear layering equals artful dishevelment. The key is to make sure your glasses don't match your clip-ons too closely. If you need more inspiration, see Woody Allen circa 1968.

Ask the MB: Red Jacket Vintage Baseball Apparel

Ask the MB: Red Jacket Vintage Baseball Apparel
Q: With baseball season under way, I've been looking around to add to my collection. I love vintage, understated quality and think I've found the fit with Red Jacket. What do you think? MB or minor league? http://www.redjacketclothing.com/
--AR


A: We recommended Red Jacket on opening day of the 2009 season. So while we're not crazy about publicizing the fact that the sports team from your area is superior to the sports team from another area, Red Jacket is definitely the way to do it. The way not do it? Matthew Morrison, seen here at last weekend's subway series, provides a handy visual guide.

Ask the MB: Date With Olivia Palermo

Ask the MB: Date With Olivia Palermo
Q: I have a date with Olivia Palermo (she is on MTV's the City) this Friday. Since she is so into fashion I would like some advice from the pros on what I should wear. Thanks.
--Jay


A: Since Palermo has been dating model Johannes Huebl for the last couple years, you've got your work cut out for you. Huebl has the casually stylish investment banker on the weekend look mastered, so we recommend that you counterprogram with this t-shirt from Reborn Couture, which parties in the front and in the back. If you can swing it by tomorrow night, also get the arm sleeve to achieve the full effect.

Ask the MB: Allen Edmonds Gift Certificate

Ask the MB: Allen Edmonds Gift Certificate
Q: I've been given a very large gift certificate (which cannot be converted to cash, so don't suggest that) for basically a free pair of Allen Edmonds shoes. Suggestions? I need a pair of black shoes to wear with suits. Thanks.
--Chris


A: Next time tell your grandfather to just give you cash. But it's late spring and we're thirsty so let's turn lemons into lemonade.

If your gift certificate is indeed very large then this Cordovan blucher (in the more matte Black Shell, top) is the best shoe AE sells and will last a lifetime. For a slightly less generous gift, the best option is definitely the McAllister. These are classic, understated wing tips that have stood the test of time (first introduced in 1956). In our college days, we never got any gift certificates so had to make do with raiding dad's closet for the merlot version, which can be paired with denim or khaki and exposed ankles to great effect.

Ask the MB: Bond Never Rode a Bicycle to Work

Bond, still in golf shoes after winning his match with Goldfinger
Bond, still in golf shoes after winning his match with Goldfinger
Q: Dear MB: WTF? I bet James Bond never biked to work. Why don't you get back to doing what you do best, for example by telling me whether an MB can or should wear a blue seersucker jacket, and if so, with what pants.
--Julian


A: We've seen all the movies -- in some cases dozens of times -- and don't recall any scenes where 007 is rolling along at 5 MPH for 30 minutes behind some toolbag in an Escalade with a "Freedom Isn't Free" bumper sticker. There's nothing magnificent about enduring traffic jams twice a day, which is why we endorse bike commuting in many situations.

Regarding the seersucker, if your blazer is cut more like J. Crew instead of J. Press, it would look great with denim, especially white. 'Tis the season.

Ask the MB: Good Casual Blazers

Ask the MB: Good Casual Blazers
Q: Is there any such thing as a casual, not-too-expensive, good-looking sport coat than can be worn with nice jeans (e.g. AG)? Something suitable for the warm months ahead.
--Gabriel


A: There are three simple but inalienable commandments we observe when buying a casual blazer, and that makes finding one harder than you'd think:

1. Thou shalt be machine washable (and preferably machine dryable, too)
2. Thou shalt have two buttons
3. Thou shalt be free of shoulder-enhancing pads

This Prada Sport version in military green satisfies all three, and it's on sale now for $295. We think it will look great with AG jeans.

Ask the MB: MB Watches

Ask the MB: MB Watches
Q: I'm looking for an MB watch that won't break the bank (I've got about $300 to spend). Show me what you got.
--Gerard


A: Browse through our watch channel and you'll notice we're partial to military/military-inspired watches. They're simple, understated, affordable, proportional to most wrist sizes, and go with just about everything.

Our all-time favorite watch in this style is the Ollech & Wajs Kartargo ($399). If you can swing the extra $99 this is a fantastic watch. If not, look at this WWII vintage O & W with the Swiss ETA-2801 movement ($248). The automatic version is sold out and production of it has stopped. This manual version is still available in limited quantities. It requires daily winding but that's part of its charm. If you like what you see, act sooner rather than later, as it will sell out eventually too. With the spare change you can buy a strap or two, perhaps the the gray and black stripe "Bond strap" worn by Connery (with a Rolex Submariner) in Goldfinger.

Ask the MB: Cashmere Pants

Ask the MB: Cashmere Pants
Q: What do you think about cashmere pants for my girlfriend? What about for myself?
--Kel


Loose-lipped hotel workers in Hawaii recently blabbed to the Daily Star that George Clooney won't go anywhere without his cashmere "security blanket." Say what you will about the fact that a 48-year-old man has a special blanket. George Clooney is one of the few people on earth who can get whatever he wants, whenever he wants it, and apparently what he wants is cashmere. If that's not an endorsement for the world's best fabric, we don't know what is.

We think cashmere should be a year-round part of everyone's wardrobe. So get your girl those pants. And get some for yourself while you're at it. But don't actually wear them until at least October. In the summer months, you want to limit your cashmere usage to blankets, lightweight sweaters, and golf club headcovers.

Ask the MB: Urban Outfitters Plimsolls

Ask the MB: Urban Outfitters Plimsolls
Q: Those Faded Glory sneakers you linked to today are ugly, if you're looking for plimsolls grab a couple from Urban Outfitters. Thirty dollars for two pairs isn't bad.
--Nick


A: We are aware of the UO plimsolls, which we agree are cheap at $30 for two pairs. But our initial correspondent mentioned that plimsolls are widely available in his native England at only 5 quid -- or about U.S. $7.50 -- so we took it as a challenge to see if we could find something very close to that price here in America. At first, our theory was that Brits must provide nationalized plimsoll coverage, just like they do with their healthcare, and that there was no way we'd be able to find a pair so cheap here. Then, we spotted the Faded Glorys for $8. Score one for the free market.

We agree that the UO plimsolls generally look better than the Faded Glorys, especially the new more expensive chambray versions ($24 a pair).

But just as with the Faded Glorys, there are strings attached to these shoes that go beyond shoelaces. We mean their apparently awful stench. Here are some excerpts from UO customer reviews:

"It has a faulty smell that comes with it."

"I suggest just putting them in your basement or something for a day or two, just to deal with the smell."

"Even after they stop smelling, if you leave them on top of a shirt or something the shirt will smell like the rubber."

"The smell of the shoes when you get them is something horrid. but spray them down with axe or something and it may cover it up."

"They reeked of chemicals, and for a week they stained my socks a a light black."

"Over all, looks great--but it is not worth the headache (literally, the smell gave me headaches)."

We know there are some pretty delicate flowers who shop at UO, but we find the sheer number of comments alarming. If you have to quarantine your shoes in the basement for a week, if the smell of Axe represents a solution and not a grave problem of its own, these are warning signs. In fact, we've noticed that the models in UO catalogs are looking even paler, skinnier, and more sickly than usual, and now we think we know why.

Ask the MB: Hoodie With Blazer

Ask the MB: Hoodie With Blazer
Q: What do you think of a blazer with a hoodie? Like this Daniele Alessandrini in deep purple? Thanks.

--Alain


A: Alain, what we have here is the apparel equivalent of the Leno/O'Brien late night war. A blazer is designed to be outerwear. A hoodie is designed to be outerwear. But if they're both owned by the same torso, they can't each be outerwear at the same time. In this case, we say fire them both.

Ask the MB: Cheap Plimsolls

Ask the MB: Cheap Plimsolls
Q: I like the post on the shoes, Thanks. I was wondering, though, if you knew of a place to get super cheap plimsolls? When I lived in Britain, practically every store had white plimsolls for around 5 quid. Sure, they don't last long but for a fiver you could just get a shiny new pair. All of the plimsolls I have purchased on this side of the pond were about as durable and a lot more expensive.
--Ian


A: In real life, we would never recommend spending less on your shoes than we spend on socks. We would also never recommend shopping at Walmart (unless you accessorize with a Nixon mask). But this is the Internet, so here goes. You can get a pair of Faded Glory sneakers from Walmart for $8, which, at current exchange rates is about 50p over 5 quid. Be careful. A reviewer writes: "I only wish they didn't put slippery canvas fabric on the bottom....Other than that, great shoes."

Ask the MB: Champagne for Spectacular Bitch Date

Ask the MB: Champagne for Spectacular Bitch Date
Q: You've touched on various cocktails and drinks of choice for MBs everywhere, but you have yet to mention The Magnificent Bastard champagne of choice for a special night with a Spectacular Bitch. What do you guys think?
--Andre


A: Andre, we've previously covered this issue with our highly scientific champagne chart, and it applies to your outing with an SB. Take note: the more she skews towards the B side of the SB spectrum, pay closer attention to the x axis of our chart.

Ask the MB: Robert Downey Jr. T-Shirt

Ask the MB: Robert Downey Jr. T-Shirt
Q: Robert Downey Jr. has been on the cover of damn near every magazine this month sporting t-shirts by Alternative Apparel: www.alternativeapparel.com. Their clothes seem to follow MB principles, but I don't want the TH (Too Hollywood) look if I pick up a few. Thoughts?
--Chris


A: On the cover of the May 2010 Men's Journal he's wearing the Eco-Grey aa1973 Eco-Heather Crew, and while it's not TH, is definitely TTH with ingredient complexity exceeding that of a Slim Jim. Plus we're not crazy about that chubby ringer tee collar on a non-ringer tee. But their other options look somewhat promising in our quest for The Perfect White T-shirt, especially The Dean Slub Crew.

10 Sneakers for Summer 2010

10 Sneakers for Summer 2010
Last week we had a shorts-with-shoes question and answered the first part. Now for some shoe suggestions.

First, some guidelines:

1.) Clear some room at the end of the bench for Chuck and Jack this summer. They've been playing non-stop all year and could use a breather.

2.) Sneakers that you plan to wear with shorts are one item where we give more leeway than we usually do to bright colors, patterns, and logos. Don't go crazy though. If Turtle from Entourage would wear it, you've probably gone too far.

3.) Sticking with white or gray is your best bet for picking a shoe that can work with a wide variety of shorts. (Important note: If you're a size 12 or over, do not go with an all-white shoe unless you're trying to pick up work as a clown at children's birthday parties.)

4.) If you're dying to incorporate red velour into your wardrobe, a pair of sneakers is the only place to do it.
Topman

Topman Grey Jersey Plimsolls
$32

If the world must have sleeveless t-shirts, we like to think that all those amputated sleeves go to some greater style purpose -- like adding a textural twist to classic gray plimsolls.
ShoeLab

ShoeLab Dark Brown Sneaker
$49

The sneaker scientists at the UK brand ShoeLab get the overdying just right on these. They look nicely faded and disheveled, but stop short of trying too hard.
Tretorn T56

Tretorn T56 Canvas
$55

The T56s offer timeless style. Our great-great-great-great-great-grandkids will be wearing these in 2210. In 2010, they're the shoes we reach for when we know the evening's going to involve some furious table tennis action.
Superga

Superga 2750 Classic
$65

"Leave your socks at home," the Superga website enthuses, because the interior of the 2750 feature finished inseams. We like that touch but we're not going to go that far. For all summer sneaker-wearing we recommend the Banana Republic no-show socks.
Williot

Williot Gabardine Wool Sneakers
$79

Williot is a Spanish brand that made its debut in the U.S. market last summer. If you want to look sporty but not athletic -- i.e., you aren't planning to do anything more strenuous than mixing cocktails by the pool -- these are a great choice.
Lyle & Scott

Lyle & Scott Canvas Plimsolls
$85

Scottish brand with a golfing heritage, founded in 1874. Just like Scottish singer Susan Boyle, these plimsolls are built a little more solidly than many others on the market.
Cole Haan

Cole Haan Air Mercury Sport Oxfords
$98

Why are we recommending these Chuck clones and not the real thing? Thanks to the hidden Air Nike technology hidden in the heel, they're one of the few Chuck-style shoes that you can play basketball in and not sentence your feet to a lifetime of Bill Walton-like pain. When your day involves anything more strenuous than a J. Crew photo shoot, wear these.
TST

TST
$125

Designer Seishi Tanaka hand-draws the sketches for the TST line and it shows. This model leans toward the more athletic end of the athleisure shoe spectrum -- we think we could actually play some touch football in it -- but it has an organic quality not found in the hyper-engineered footwear of, say, Nike or Reebok.
Pataugas

Pataugas Rock
$138

If you want to add a Gallic touch to your Fourth of July barbecue, try these sneakers from Jean Paul Gaultier's shoe line, Pataugas. (You can pick up last year's slightly different model at yoox.com for only $89.)
Prada

Prada Velour Sneaker
$295

For those with the bucks, deluxe Chucks. "Red velour" and "understated" aren't words that usually go together, but we think they apply here.

Ask the MB: Cool Sunglasses for Summer 2010

Bradley Cooper in <em>The A-Team</em>, wearing Allyn Scura Legend sunglasses
Bradley Cooper in The A-Team, wearing Allyn Scura Legend sunglasses
Q: We can all agree Wayfarers have peaked in popularity and aren't even a consideration for sunglasses this summer. Aviators are timeless, but not original. What's the recommendation to separate from the Wayfaring pack and be able to say in a few summers, "I've been wearing those for years."
--Sean


A: If you own any Wayfarers, send them to a needy Third World celebrity. Even in the Risky Business era we never wore 'em, and never will. Aviators, on the other hand, are like black boots: every MB should have at least one pair in his wardrobe.

But if you're wanting to be out ahead of the trend curve -- and it sounds like you do -- put tinted lenses in a pair of horn-rimmed eyeglasses. Done most famously by Cary Grant in North By Northwest more than 50 years ago, and restared 5 years ago by Johnny Depp with his pair of vintage Tart Arnels, they're trending. See Robert Downey Jr. at the Oscars (in the Oliver Peoples Sheldrake), and Bradley Cooper in The A-Team, opening next month (in the Allyn Scura Legend). But skip the blue lenses for brown or green. They're TH (Too Hollywood), or just plain TTH.

Ask the MB: Good Shorts and Footwear to Match

Ask the MB: Good Shorts and Footwear to Match
Q: With summer upon us how about some advice on appropriate shorts for the hot months. And which footwear to combine with them. Thanks.
--Jim


As our recent post on Dorts suggest, it's much easier to find awful shorts this season than good ones. We almost think the Obama Administration has enlisted the world's shorts designers in an ingenious propaganda campaign. If someone pays $288 for Odyn Vovk's seamed balloon shorts (top), or $365 for Chronicles of Never's oversized parachute shorts, or $231 for Tim Hamilton's apparent bid to corner the market on black-tie Mormon underwear, then the recession must be officially over.

But there are some good shorts out there, or at least one pair. We love the color, texture, and inseam length of these Obey Whalers, and we're pretty sure our tailor will be happy to excise the overly wordy logo tag for a six-pack of Schlitz. $58. (They fit true to size.)

We will address the footwear part of your question next week.

Ask the MB: iPad Case

Ask the MB: iPad Case
Q: I just bought an iPad and yeah it's smaller than my laptop but the only way I'm going to fit into my pocket is if I start wearing overalls all the time and that's not a commitment I'm ready to make. So please point me to something I can carry it around in that isn't going to look too much like a murse.
--Dave


A: Dave, we actually prefer the overalls over the iPad, but it sounds like you're pleased with your purchase and spending most of your time playing iPad Scrabble. Otherwise, you'd know about Temple Bags' leather iPad case ($189), widely heralded on that outdated medium known as the web and currently available here.

Ask the MB: Girlfriend's Eyebrow Grooming

Ask the MB: Girlfriend's Eyebrow Grooming
Q: I love my girlfriend and everything she does or wears is sexy and beautiful. Except for one thing, she plucks her eyebrows so thin it makes her look like a surprised doll. I wish she would grow them out naturally, but I have no idea how to tell her -- plus I don't think an MB would ever try to correct his girl's appearance. But the eyebrows are making me crazy -- I was even thinking of taking her camping for three weeks just to force them out. What can I do?
--Lee


A: Lee, first off, thanks for entrusting us with your love life -- we are always surprised at how few people seem to think a men's style website is the most appropriate venue for solving tricky relationship problems.

In any case, our first thought is that we generally prefer cat-like women: graceful, inscrutable, with fastidious grooming habits. But we agree that plucked, or at least overplucked, eyebrows take fastidious grooming one step too far.

So here's what we suggest you do. Casually browse through one of your girlfriend's old photo albums, tell her how cute she looks, etc. When you find a photo from her pre-plucking years, ramp up the praise even more: "Oh my God, look at you. Those eyebrows. You look like Brooke Shields!" Don't overdo it or she'll get suspicious. Just the one comment and move on to some other subject. Now, the seed has been planted. If your girlfriend fails to take action, that's a clear sign she'd prefer to look like Divine than Brooke Shields. In which case you have our deepest sympathies.

Ask the MB: Indochino Linen Suits

Ask the MB: Indochino Linen Suits
Q: Indochino, whom you reviewed in your Custom Shirt Reviews feature, just launched a line of made-to-measure linen suits called the Linen Collection. They claim that "the words sharp and crisp are new adjectives to associate with the fair weather suiting staple renowned for wrinkles. But we've found the perfect sturdy linen, still lightweight and soft, that maintains professional standards throughout the day with a blend of silk for sheen and tight weaves for structure." Worth a look or too good to be true?
--Pete


A: Pete, given our own experiences with linen, we think it's probably easier to discover a cure for cancer than it is to create "sharp and crisp" linen. On the other hand, we live in a miraculous age. We would've never bet that our top scientists could create a wrinkle-free Joan Rivers, and yet look at her. She's sharp and crisp, with a nice silky sheen that's totally appropriate for fair weather suiting. So maybe Indochino has pulled off something similar. If they have, we applaud them -- and hope they start in on cancer soon.

Ask the MB: Kenneth Cole Black Oxfords

Ask the MB: Kenneth Cole Black Oxfords
Q: Looks like Kenneth Cole finally checked out your shoe pointiness chart. What do you think of these and what would you recommend in a basic black everyday dress shoe?
--Matt


A: Kenneth Cole has definitely taken a roundover bit to a lot of his footwear, but he's still missing the MB mark by a mile. These are too shiny and too clunky for you to wear, Matt. One of our favorite pair of black everyday dress shoes is the discontined Camper Dni, now available only at a German web site Herren Ausstattler for €145. Our freshman German is a little rusty, so we're not even sure if they ship to the U.S. If they don't we recommend these Prada leather loafers. Yeah, they're $460, but trust us that you'll love them, and for an everyday shoe you love, and look this good, $460 is a value. And Saks will throw in free shipping with code SHIPFREE2!

Ask the MB: Warby Parker

Warby Parker Huxley in Light Tortoise via Warby Parker, $95.00
Warby Parker Huxley in Light Tortoise via Warby Parker. $95.00.
Q: What's up with Warby Parker? There has been lots of love for them in a few big name fashion magazines, and after crunching my last pair of glasses on a treadmill I'm looking for a cheaper alternative to some of the $250 designer frames at Lenscrafters. Trust me, I felt it in my wallet when the pair or Burberrys I was wearing went underfoot. Anyway to the point, are they MB? Are they quality? Is it a better option than Lenscrafters?
--Dennis


A: Dennis, we were tipped off to Warby Parker last month and remain intrigued. Deadstock from Allyn Scura is still our recommendation. Why get vintage-inspired when you can have real vintage? But WP's "home try-on" is irresistable: They'll send you up to five pairs of glasses for a week with a pre-paid return shipping label. Give it a shot and let us know what you think.

Ask the MB: Mad Men Sunglasses

Ask the MB: Mad Men Sunglasses
Q: With spring well underway, it seems an appropriate to engage in the time-honored game of "ID the sunglasses" -- Jon Hamm sports these, in my opinion, to great effect. They seem to offer the wearer UV protection along with hiding a gentleman's lusty glances from pesky wives or mistresses who may be lurking around. What are they, and are my MB instincts correct?
--Andrew


A: Don Draper's sunglasses are Randolph Engineering aviators, of course, and have made numerous appearances on the big screen, too, most famously on Travis Bickle (Robert De Niro) in Taxi Driver and Lieutenant Colonel Bill Kilgore (Robert Duvall) in Apocalypse Now. Most of Mad Men style is on the wrong side of the trend curve, but Randolph aviators are as timeless as daytime drinking and womanizing. Get 'em here.

Ask the MB: Shirtless Jogging

Ask the MB: Shirtless Jogging
Q: I'm in between jobs right now, so I've been taking time to work out and run every day. With the weather warming up I've been wondering if it's okay to jog shirtless yet. How warm does it have to be, or how in shape must I be, to justify this?
--Mike


A: Mike, you should never jog shirtless. If you have some extra chub, shirtless jogging is a violation of common courtesy -- no one should be subjected to seeing all that giggle while they're taking their dog for a walk.

On the other hand, even if you look like The Situation on steroids (yes, we know that's probably redundant), shirtless jogging is a violation of the MB principle of understatement. We recommend a simple, logo-less tank-top, preferably nothing synthetic or resembling that of a true professional.

Ask the MB: Dress Henley Shirt

Aiden Turner introduces dress henley
Aiden Turner introduces dress henley
Q: I never watch Dancing With the Stars, but last night as I walked by the TV, I saw an interesting shirt being worn on the show. I was wondering what kind it is. I believe it's got a henley collar, but it looks like a dress shirt otherwise. What is it? and what are the MB's thoughts on it?
--Scott


A: Scott, your experience shows why it's a good idea to simply turn off your TV at least fifteen minutes before Dancing With the Stars starts airing. It couldn't hurt to actually pull your TV's plug from the outlet too.

Can you see where we're going with this? In 2007, we noted Banana Republic's efforts to push receding collars on the world, and predicted this trend's dreaded end-point: the dress henley. We were joking, because the idea of a dress shirt with no collar at all -- a completely bald dress shirt -- is not just aesthetically bad but also an affront to logic. How can a dress shirt be a dress shirt if it lacks the infrastructure to support a tie?

Never underestimate the power of an awful idea. Three years later, we've got dress henleys. The signature shirt of soap opera stars who cry when getting eliminated from reality dancing shows. Avoid.

Ask the MB: J. Crew Suit Ensemble

J. Crew suit / Alexander West gingham
J. Crew suit / Alexander West gingham
Q: This J. Crew cotton suit. Can I wear that with a blue gingham shirt, or are the subtle stripes going to give me problems? Also, brown loafers and a gray flannel tie.
--Jason


A: Yes you can. Just make sure the check on the gingham is 3/16" at an absolute minumum, and even a little bigger would be better to further quiet the suit's stripes. The shirt is the star of this show. Save the flannel tie for pairing with a fine-whale corduroy suit this fall. Instead try a gray knit or linen-cotton blend; either will provide the texture you're looking for.

Ask the MB: Tag Heuer and Ruby Helmets

Ask the MB: Tag Heuer and Ruby Helmets
Q: Love the site, I check it on a daily basis. I wanted to weigh in on the whole helmet/scooter issue. I live in Paris and drive a Vespa Gran Turismo, and I just bought this helmet, which I thought you would like. Let me know if you think I made a mistake. The most popular helmets in Paris are Ruby (http://boutiqueruby.com/?lang=eng#/main) but I am not sure about wearing a 1000€ helmet with a picture of Karl Lagerfeld kissing it.
--Tonio


A: Tonio, you definitely did not make a mistake. But even at more than twice the price, don't dismiss that Ruby. It's limited edition (100), by being covered in tweed makes for desirably nubby fall/winter head protection, and it's unlikely Lagerfeld will be kissing it while you're tooling around the Marais.

Ask the MB: Cocktail Shaker

Ask the MB: Cocktail Shaker
Q: I have purchased the ingredients to make a Magnificent Bastard, but confused about the instructions requiring a mixing glass filled with ice. Why do you mix in an ice-filled glass, then move it to another ice filled glass?
--Greg


A: Greg, you say you bought the booze an MB requires, so we're assuming that you're 21 or older -- but are you new to cocktails?

We're talking about a glass shaker here, not any old glass. As The Fine Art of Mixing Drinks author David Embury explains, metal is a better conductor of heat than glass, so you will drink less diluted cocktails if you use a glass shaker.

The problem is finding a good one. For something with character, our first stop is eBay (principle of archaism). But if you're really thirsty and want to drink sooner rather than later, Pottery Barn (yeah, that Pottery Barn) sells a simply designed, thick glass shaker with a tight-fitting metal top for $24.00 that mixes great-tasting MBs. Until today's shaker manufacturers start mass-producing Austrian 800 silver & cut glass cocktail shakers, it will have to do.

Ask the MB: Helmet for a Stella from Genuine Scooters

Bell Bandito via bellhelmets.com, $39.95
Bell Bandito via bellhelmets.com. $39.95.
Q: I'm going to be getting a scooter soon, hopefully. It'll be a four stroke Stella from Genuine Scooters -- retro sexy and good for the environment. My question is, what kind of helmet should I get? I definitely don't want something full face covering. I was looking at Davida's "Classic" helmet line, but those are not approved for driving on US roads apparently. But what else could match a ride this amazing?
--Mark


A: Nice choice, Mark. That Stella is so well-designed (especially if you are getting it in green) that we can totally forgive its practicality and environmental friendliness (and the fact that Genuine Scooters refers to green as "avocado"). You are headed in the right direction on helmet choice too. Ultimately, you're piloting a scooter, not a rocket ship, so the less helmet, the better. That's why we like the Bell Bandito. It's simple, streamlined, and it will let you feel the wind against your face and your ears.

Ask the MB: Giant Logos. Safe or Unsafe?

Ask the MB: Giant Logos. Safe or Unsafe?
Why are Earth's polo shirt logos morphing into giant mutant cartoons? Am I in any danger?
--Owen


Owen, we assume you're talking about Lacoste's oversized reptiles and Ralph Lauren's iconic equestrian, which in recent years has grown bigger than most real-life jockeys.

In the case of Lacoste, as long you don't mind looking like the world's biggest three-year-old, there is no real danger. Ralph Lauren, on the other hand, has essentially created the preppy version of Ed Hardy shirts with his Big Pony and Rugby lines. If you ask us, one giant logo per polo shirt is one too many. Clutter things up with stripes, patches, flags, and other Anglophilic flair (TTH edition) and you've got a look that shouts "Muffy says no penilingus unless we rent in Sagaponack, but my heart is at the Jersey Shore." Keep your distance from these things -- second-hand toolbagism is a very real possibility.

Ask the MB: Good Gingham Shirts

Ask the MB: Good Gingham Shirts
Q: Love the gingham and the reviews on the custom shirt-makers. Anywhere else to get a nice gingham shirt for under custom prices?
--Mark


A: This season J. Crew doubled down on gingham shirts, with loads of casual options to choose from for $59.50. And nice. For $25 more -- still less than typical custom shirt prices -- we definitely recommend looking at the Deo Veritas gingham (pictured). It's custom made to your measurements and collar/cuff/pocket/placket specifications, and by choosing the sewn (vs. fused) collar you're getting a dress shirt that can moonlight as a first-rate casual shirt.

Ed. note: For gingham enthusiasts with thicker wallets than Mark, check out Alexander West (and see our review, too). No fewer than 18 different ginghams to choose from, and if you ask nicely, CEO/founder Alex Yoo will make your shirt with a sewn collar, and you can choose the thickness of the interlining.

Ask the MB: Tiger Woods' Sunglasses at The Masters

Ask the MB: Tiger Woods' Sunglasses at The Masters
Q: No comments about Tiger's Nike sunglasses at the Masters? I hope they enhanced his game, because they did nothing for his already lacking MB-ness.
--Nate


We know Woods spent the last few months in sex rehab, but based on his appearance at the Masters, we're wondering about the cure. To our eye, it looks like his therapists have simply stuck a pair of super-dark blind-guy glasses on him in the hope that they will prevent him from spotting trashy blonde blabbermouths in the gallery. And fed him a lot of donuts. On the bright side, he's wearing a collared shirt. And every day you can stay off the mock turtlenecks is a good day.

Ask the MB: Bowery Lane Bicycles

Ask the MB: Bowery Lane Bicycles
Q: I am moving into the city (Washington DC) and am looking for a bike to get to and from work and around the city in general. I found Bowery Lane Bicycles (http://www.bowerylanebicycles.com/). What do you think, do they make the MB grade?
--Spencer


A: Spencer, we are intrigued by these bikes, especially given their price. A handmade steel frame by an American builder for less than $1000 is virtually unheard of. A complete bike with a handmade steel frame, for just $695, almost sounds too good to be true. Granted, Bowery Lane is not making these things in custom sizes (which is one reason handmade frames tend to cost as much as they do), but we'd still want to look at them in person before recommending them. (While we might endorse, say, a cashmere sweater without ever laying hands on it, we’re not depending on a cashmere sweater to keep us relatively safe in the midst of rush-hour traffic.)

That said, we like the idea that you can get something that echoes the style of a Pashley Guv'nor or a Retrovelo at a price that won't leave you reluctant to let it out of your sight. We're not crazy about the old-timey names and imagery on the web site, but we do like the visible brazing and clear-coated steel tubes of the Broncks Raw -- it's basically the artfully dishevelled version of a bike. It's at least worth a test ride.

Ask the MB: School Reunion Tie

Ask the MB: School Reunion Tie
Q: I've got a school reunion this coming weekend. +25 years on. I'm not holding out any hope of this being any good at all but what should I wear? Should I go '80s ironic with the old school tie or just go MB?
--Matt


A: Wait, going MB is your backup plan to wearing a tie that you've been mothballing since the Reagan administration? Unless your real name is Angus Young, this makes no sense whatsoever. Vintage neckwear or not, you and your classmates will all start to behave exactly like your old school selves within fifteen minutes anyway -- so you might as well look like an accomplished adult for at least fifteen minutes, right?

Ask the MB: Jon Stewart Rocking Suit with Sneakers

Ask the MB: Jon Stewart Rocking Suit with Sneakers
I am a large fan of your well placed words of wisdom, and I'd like to pick your mind momentarily and add to a question that was recently asked of you pertaining to suits with sneakers. On March 18th, John Stewart of The Daily Show was revealed to be wearing white deck shoes with his ensemble. I thought he rocked it, but I decided to seek sounder minds. What do you think?
--Colin


A: Colin, If you're going to wear white sneakers with a suit, don't grab one from Jon Stewart's closet. The suit he's wearing is too dark, too baggy, and too Men's Wearhouse Business Generic to combine with anything but black Florsheims, and white sneakers are a particularly bad choice for it. At first we thought he was wearing socks.

If you want to combine white sneakers with a suit, follow Will Arnett's lead and choose something casual, fitted, and not too dark.

UPDATE: Many readers have written in to inform us that the sneakers Jon Stewart are wearing are essentially part of a Glenn Beck costume and thus worn in the name of comedy. Our knowledge of Beck and his typical shoewear choices is limited, but if he is in the habit of pairing baggy navy suits with sneakers so white it looks like he's been standing in a vat of vanilla ice cream all morning, then our criticisms of Stewart may be applied to Beck instead.

Ask the MB: British Harrington Jacket

Ask the MB: British Harrington Jacket
Q: As light jacket season is upon us in the Midwest I have seen several poorly plagiarized examples of the classic British Harrington jacket. I was hoping you could say a few words about the merits of purchasing the genuine article: the Baracuta G9 Harrington (preferably slim fit). Unlike many readers of this fine blog, I do not need to ask whether this is MB, as it simply is. But I think it is important to highlight a company that still makes many of its garments in England and has never strayed from its core business. This classic will never go out of style.
--Steven


A: Steven, not much to add here, except that Steve McQueen is combining Persols with his Baracuta. No doubt one of the "poorly plagiarized" examples you mention refers to the $109 L.L. Bean "Signature" Canvas Jacket we recommended to our dads a couple of weeks ago. (Hey, their 401Ks are in the tank.)

We agree. If you're going to own this jacket, get the real McCoy.


Ask the MB: Cube Customization

American Alligator Change Base via shopmulholland.com, $650.00
American Alligator Change Base via shopmulholland.com. $650.00.
Q: You guys give great advice on style, however I have a question on a different kind of style. Office style, as in decorating your office so it is sufficiently MB. I got a new job recently and need to make my cube mine (cube is not MB I'm sure, but I'm early in my career). I have a good hookup on Mulholland Brothers items, so I'm thinking of putting a few of their products in to get away from the grey. Any suggestions?
--Chase


Chase, Mulholland Brothers makes nice stuff, and unless it's nailed down it's going to fly out of the office faster than yellow highlighters and Swingline staplers. And you don't really want to be known as the guy who locks up his change base every night, do you?

We're no experts on cube customization, but our instinct is to un-customize it as much as possible -- no photos, no calendars, no nothing. The message you want to send is that you're not staying long.

Ask the MB: Sweet Fedoras

Ask the MB: Sweet Fedoras
Q: MB: I'm distinctly lacking in the "sweet hat" department of my wardrobe, and have always been a fan of fedoras. Unfortunately, I'm a poor-as-dirt college student, and the Eugenia Kim beaver fedora you recommended at one point, as much as I like it, totals to about a third of my monthly budget. Got any cheaper alternatives that get the MB stamp of approval for an aspiring MB on a (tight) budget?
--Tom


A: Unless you're attending the University of Antarctica, you are not going to want that Eugenia Kim hat this time of year anyway. Seasonally inappropriate. The calendar dictates embracing fedoras made of cooling, breathable straw, and the principle of artful dishevelment dictates choosing one that may actually look better if, say, Laetitia Casta accidentally sat on it for a moment. You want something with a little give.

From most to least expensive, here are four really good options.

From the top:

Ouellette Wheat Toyo Fedora, via ouellettehat.com. $230.

John Varvatos Straw Hat, via johnvarvatos.com. $125.

Fred Perry Short Brim Straw Tilby, via zappos.com. $67.

Block Knickerbocker Fedora, via villagehatshop.com. $50.

Ask the MB: Popover Shirts

Gant Rugger Popover Shirt
Gant Rugger Popover Shirt
In the latest Details, they endorse the "popover," aka a dress shirt will a polo-like button collar instead of a full button front. I quote: "An oxford with half the buttons, it's pulled together but casual. The best part: You never have to tuck it in." I am thinking probably not but wanted to get a second opinion. Your verdict?
--Greg


A: If you are a railroad conductor on a train that maintains a semi-formal dress code and can't find a job anywhere else, okay. Otherwise, no. They look like night-shirts to us, plus they wreak havoc on the natural shirt-making eco-system. Button-makers have kids to feed too!

Ask the MB: Panama Hats

Ask the MB: Panama Hats
Q: Summer is coming around and out here in the desert (Phoenix, AZ), it gets pretty hot. Especially when standing in the sun. In hopes of staying as cool as possible, I'm looking at buying a Panama hat. They are a classic and seem suitable for desert wear during the summer.
--LT


A: This hat was invented in Ecuador which, as you might suspect, is at the equator. For every degree one travels either N or S latitude from 0° -- up to 30° max -- the less it works.

Sean Connery definitely rocks the Panama in that ubiquitous Louis Vuitton ad, primarily because a.) he's Sean Connery, and b.) it was shot in the Bahamas (24°). So stick to the 30° degree rule, unless you wake up one day and find that you have somehow turned into a pimp from the 1970s.

(Phoenix is at 33° 30'.)

Ask the MB: Johnny Depp's Sunglasses in Blow

Ask the MB: Johnny Depp's Sunglasses in <em>Blow</em>
Q: Can you identify these sunglasses worn by Johnny Depp in the movie Blow? I've not been able to find any leads. Thanks.
--Rick


A: There were a handful of companies that marketed this aluminum frame in the '70s. The ones Depp is wearing are called the "Fast Back." They were pre-fabricated sunglasses with not very good lenses. As you can kind-of see (bottom pic), there are no openings in the frames to install a lens (typically metal frames open somewhere and are reattached with a screw). Replacing these lenses require what's called "cold popping," i.e., it's forced in. It may be OK for a sunglass non-corrective lens but may be tricky to "cold pop" certain Rx lenses.

If you'd like to buy a pair, our friends at allyn scura are ready to take your order.

Ask the MB: L.L. Bean Signature Line

Ask the MB: L.L. Bean Signature Line
Q: Looks like ol' Leon Leonwood Bean has teamed up with Alex Carleton, a designer with an MB-endorsed pedigree, and launched the new L.L. Bean Signature line today. I'm sure you've seen the hype in the magazines and on the world wide internerd as nothing seems to escape your discriminating gaze. Here is my two parter. 1) Is the L.L. Bean signature line bastardly, magnificent, or both in any way, shape, or form? 2) If so which pieces should an aspiring MB spring for?
--Bub


A: Bub, in form, the Signature line certainly represents a departure from L.L. Bean's traditional products, which generally feature the tailored fit of a dropcloth.

Indeed, our dads, who are the only people we know who shop at L.L. Bean, are going to have to go on a diet. Signature features fitted shirts and low-rise pants, and frankly, if you've seen our dads, you know that's not going to work unless they drop a few pounds. They're going to look great in the Canvas Jacket, but we're going to pass ourselves. We prefer Carleton's work when he's not being haunted by the ghost of mail order past.

Ask the MB: Parke and Ronen Swimwear

Giant Gingham Boardshorts via parkeandronen.com, $98.00
Giant Gingham Boardshorts via parkeandronen.com. $98.00.
Q: What are the MB's thoughts on parke and ronen swimwear? Now that summer is quickly approaching I'm looking for new poolside/lakeside options.
--Kyle


A: Parke and Ronen swimwear is only recommended if you've spent the winter doing crunches and dining on steamed steroids. But if you can wear them and still look straight, every woman within eyeshot will be easy prey.

(This giant gingham 8" inseam model is currently sold out, but it's worth waiting for a replentishment.)

Ask the MB: Suits With Sneakers

Ask the MB: Suits With Sneakers
Q: Sneakers with suit...what's the MB take? I know the Prada sport line is great as are most Sabelt, but what about Adidas Samba or similar?
--Brooke


A: Great question. The closer you get to a footwear brand's "originals" the harder it is to pull off (and risk looking like you're TTH). Lots of guys can wear Puma Sport Fashion with a cool, casual suit. But are you up to combining that suit with Puma Suedes?

In the May 2009 GQ Will Arnett clearly made classic Adidas Rod Lavers work with a $100 cotton H&M suit (left). The comparatively schlubby Jason Segel did the same with Chuck Taylors on the red carpet in 2008's Forgetting Sarah Marshall (right). So what can be learned?

* Only attempt with slimmer, casual suits
* Wear flat front, and preferably un-creased pants
* Pair with a polo or artfully disheveled woven
* Occasionally do a little dancing and hand gesturing

Ask the MB: How to Make It in America Jacket

Ask the MB: <em>How to Make It in America</em> Jacket
Thanks for the tip on How to Make it in America, I'm really enjoying it. Any idea where to find a jacket similar to the grey one Ben wears in the first episode?
--Sean S.


A: The tip on HTMIIA came from fellow reader Sean Z. The jacket you refer to has a very Varvatos-esque vibe, and he showed up in Episode 2. It will be tough to find anything in herringbone tweed this time of year, but if you're looking for a similar silhouette for spring and have a grand, try this John Varvatos convertible jacket. Neiman Marcus will even throw in free shipping.

Ask the MB: Header Photo Questions

Ask the MB: Header Photo Questions
Q: Man, I'm looking at that magnificent bastardly (bastardly magnificent?) banner, and I just don't get it. What is that woman doing? Why is that man touching his crotch? Where can I get that coat he's wearing? And why is that dog staring into my soul? It doesn't make any sense.
--Michael


A: Answers: a.) The woman is trying to seduce the MB, albeit unsuccessfully; b.) He is holding a drink; c.) Burberry, Spring 2007; d.) We asked the dog, but so far she's mum.

Ask the MB: Mothers Against Wrinkles

Ask the MB: Mothers Against Wrinkles
Q: Being a younger MB in training (think college) whenever I'm around my mom she bitches about how wrinkled my shirts are, no matter how pressed they are. Now, please don't mock me too much for mommy problems, but I want your take. Are wrinkles ever appropriate?
--Tyler


A: Tyler, first tell your mom about the the MB principle of artful dishevelment. Then tell her you're moving out!

Do you think Rose Kennedy got on John's case for wearing this shirt on the beaches of Hyannis Port? Unlikely, probably because a.) she had like 7 or 8 other kids to deal with, and b.) JFK knew to enough to tell his maid to pull that woven out of the dryer right before the timer ended, easily achieving the precise amount and depth of rumple.

Ask the MB: J. Peterman Briefcase

Ask the MB: J. Peterman Briefcase
Q: I am about to purchase this J. Peterman bag on sale at $298. Do you think it looks MB? It's the 1928 Air Corps Briefcase?
--Andre


A: In the old days, briefcases were basically desks that you carried around on a leash, and there was a genuine need for all their various compartments, straps, buckles, and such. Now? There's no reason for all that stuff -- they're Snuggies for your laptop. While we typically endorse a senseless lack of utility here, that's not quite the same thing as decor posing as functionality. Unless you're an archaelogist moonlighting as an office supplies salesperson, we say go with something simpler and definitely less shiny, like this messenger bag by John Varvatos.

Ask the MB: Wedding Suit

Indochino 'Essential Charcoal Suit' via Indochino, $349.00
Indochino 'Essential Charcoal Suit' via Indochino. $349.00.
Q: What should I wear to a wedding? I don't want to do the classic black dinner suit and white shirt. I'm partnered to a new GF and want to impress everyone there.
--Jason


A: Jason, we understand and applaud your desire to set yourself apart from the pack. At the same time, you don't want to be the person who shows up at someone else's wedding determined to be the center of attention -- someone's crazy drunken aunt will be there to fulfill that function. Thus, we recommend a simple, expertly tailored charcoal suit. Indochino's made-to-measure Essential Charcoal Suit is definitely worth a look and it's just $349.

If you're a little more flush, we are really liking Brooklyn Tailors' bespoke charcoal suit, handmade by artisans in New York, NY. It costs $975, but its genuine horsehair construction and custom fit should see you through weddings, job interviews, and, when that sad day finally arrives, your own funeral. (Not to get too maudlin here -- we're just saying this thing is built to last and will still look great in, say, 2070.)

Ask the MB: Cuffed Jeans

Ask the MB: Cuffed Jeans
Q: I need your help with the issue of cuffed/rolled up jeans. I see it around a lot and admit to liking the look. Is it MB? If so, what type of jeans are ideal? How wide of a cuff? A single roll or two?
--Jeff


A: Unless you're flying through the air on a motorcycle at at least 70 MPH, cuffing can be extremely dangerous. Thus, we pretty much only do it when it's at least 70 degrees outside and we're within walking distance of a major body of water.

Ask the MB: Sunglass Recommendation

Ask the MB: Sunglass Recommendation
Q: Hey guys: I am really liking the Allyn Scura site a lot - thanks for the tip about the Apollos. Could you give a recommondation about a style and color/colors that you like in the sunglass section?

Love the site.
--Tim


A: Tim, without knowing a little more about your style, it's a little like asking us what kind of car to buy. However, one thing even capitalists and communists can agree on: A pair of tortoiseshell sunglasses with a nice, substantial frame never go out of style. And Allyn Scura has a pair that can make you look like a Greek shipping magnate without having to divert too many funds from your socialized healthcare program. They're $40.

(From top: Aristotle Onassis, Fidel Castro, Sant'Angelo II 907.)

Ask the MB: Interior Paint Color

MB-endorsed paint chip
MB-endorsed paint chip
Q: I'm a college student and am moving into a house with 4 roommates June. We like to think we're a bastardly bunch. As we approach the move in painting the interior to fit our MB lifestyle has come up as topic of discussion. What colors would your recommend painting the house in order to have people walk in and say to themselves "These boys have class"? Please help.
--Thoroughly Perplexed


A: Walls: Benjamin Moore Regal Latex. White N221 01. Matte finish (even in baths and kitchen).

Trim: Benjamin Moore Satin Impervo Alkyd Low Lustre Enamel. White C235 01.

Ask the MB: Approved Bags for Bicycling

Pendleton/Opening Ceremony backpack via Opening Ceremony, $82.00
Pendleton/Opening Ceremony backpack via Opening Ceremony. $82.00.
Q: Hello MB, love your website.

Topic: MB approved bags for bicycling. According to my girlfriend all backpacks are nerdy though they are ok for actual backpacking. So I'm looking for a magnificent, somewhat practical and non-bikecourierlooking bike bag... Any tips?

Greetings from snow buried Estonia,

Siim Teller


A: Hello Siim,

While many cyclists prefer to let their bikes carry the load, we have no problem throwing on a backpack when doing our part to save the environment from one more godawful Prius. We also favor a traditional backpack design over a messenger bag. Minimalism has its place, but not when our latissimus dorsi is involved, and two straps are better than one.

That said, the most comfortable backpacks tend to involve a little too much cordura and Oakleyesque styling for our liking -- we prefer the more archaic approach of this Pendleton/Opening Ceremony bag, which, while lacking the padding of some more contemporary designs, completely alleviates the psychological pain that comes with knowing you have chosen to sacrifice style for comfort. No one will ever accuse you of that while wearing this.

In the event that you are looking for a one-strap solution, we recommend the Minnehaha Canvas Shoulder Bag. Made of natural materials, designed by people who ride bikes in the snow; we think it will look great in Estonia.

Ask the MB: Lands' End Canvas

Canvas chino blazer via Lands' End, $69.50
Canvas chino blazer via Lands' End. $69.50.
Q: Lands' End has started a line called Canvas, and it looks like they're trying to corner the more bastardly market. What do you think - are they TTH?
--Jordan


A: Thanks for the tip, Jordan. We took a look, and while inexpensive, any reasonable person would agree Canvas all looks a little too Lands' End-y. Except for the chino blazer, which is sticking out like a stylish, artfully disheveled sore thumb. 2 buttons, shirt shoulder, patch pockets, functional buttonholes, machine washable, and $69.50. If it's anywhere near what it looks like on paper, we'll get one in khaki and navy.

UPDATE: The blazer shown has 3 buttons, not 2 as described on the Lands' End web site. The sleeves are also the equivalent of a S. If you are a R or L, they will be too short. This was a return.

Ask the MB: Chest Hair Grooming

Ask the MB: Chest Hair Grooming
Q: What's MB's stance on chest hair grooming? Obviously a shaved chest is unacceptable but chest hair run rampant seems less than magnificent. I tend to trim mine short using a buzzer but this seems like the most favorable alternative to an unbecoming chest. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
--Brandon


A: Not to hedge, but this all depends on the amount and type of chest hair growth. The 40 Year-Old Virgin clearly needed to "wax that Teen Wolf thing right out," as his pal Jay rightly put it. Besides wearing film's best-looking suit, Cary Grant also sports one of film's best-looking, artfully disheveled chests in North by Northwest. (Incidentally, he's 55 years old in this picture.) If you just have a few unsightly stragglers poking out from around your nipples, go for the laser. It hurts like wax but after a few treatments they're gone forever, and you're ready for a Dolce & Gabbana shoot.

Ask the MB: Earrings

Ask the MB: Earrings
Q: Shockingly you have never mentioned anything about your stance on earrings. I wear a very small silver hoop in my left ear and I consider myself to be moderately MB. My hot PhD wife certainly finds it sexy. What do you think?
--Mark


A: Sorry, Mark, here at Magnificent Bastard we think of earrings, even relatively understated ones like you describe, as a gateway drug to a spot on the next season of Jersey Shore. First comes the hoop earring, next comes Pauly D's blowout hairstyle.

Ask the MB: Shoes to Wear While Standing 10 Hours a Day

Ask the MB: Shoes to Wear While Standing 10 Hours a Day
Q: I am making a transition in my career to the position of a restaurant manager. I find myself wondering what my options are for shoes with rubber soles that look sharp, last a long time, and won't break my heart, or the bank, if they have food or drink spilled on them. Keeping in mind that I'll be on my feet for upwards of 10 hours a day, what do you recommend?
--Wasabi Chimp


A: WC, you are asking us to be really practical, and we hate being practical. However, if we ever find ourselves dining in the restaurant you manage, we don't want you spitting in our food. So here goes: Cole Haan Air Obori Oxfords. They're almost as sleek as a pair of Tods, we suspect they're just as comfortable as Crocs (though we'll never actually try on a pair of Crocs to test this theory), they have rubber soles per your request, and they're on sale at Amazon for only $99.

Ask the MB: Canada Goose

Ask the MB: Canada Goose
Q: Is a Canada Goose jacket OK?
--Fredrik


A: The Canadians are as good at outerwear as they are at hockey. Er, they're really good at outerwear!

Canada Goose is great as long as you choose wisely. Because their stuff is engineered for arctic conditions, it can quickly make you look like the Michelin Man. Also be wary of the logo patch, which especially if you're the gentle, caring type, will quickly have people mistaking you for a volunteer waterfowl rescuer.

Our favorite from last season was the Calgary, but good luck finding one.

Ask the MB: Naked and Famous

Ask the MB: Naked and Famous
Q: I was shopping around in Toronto recently, and as I was looking around for a new set of jeans I stumbled upon Naked and Famous jeans (http://www.nakedandfamousdenim.com/). I really liked the quality feel, and the basic appearance, but they do seem to have a thing for skinnier fits. The jeans are made in an old-style denim machine, and are made out of fine Japanese denim. I thought they seemed MB-esque. What do you think?
--Matt


A: There is definitely a lot to like about Naked and Famous. Like you say, they're made from quality materials, they're cleanly designed, and one version even contains 8% cashmere (and an MB can never be ensconced in too much cashmere). It's the fits we have a problem with. Perhaps they just need taller models, but the Slim Guy is unflattering (top), and The Skinny Guy should just be left to The Skinny Girl (bottom).

Best to go with the shirts.

Ask the MB: Gardening

Ask the MB: Gardening
Q: Where does gardening fall on the scale of magnificent bastardom? Specifically, the desire to dig in dirt, tend, watch, and enjoy growing your own fruits and vegetables and the occasional flowering plant (and yes, even more butch plants like arbor vitae).
--Andy


A: Gardening has some theoretical virtues. The English love it, it involves primarily natural materials, it presupposes land ownership. But we have trouble getting past the clogs, which are basically Crocs for land-lubbers. And our manicurist, who is frankly a bit of an underachiever, hates it when we come in with dirt under our fingernails. Thus we prefer agriculture on a larger, noisier scale -- anything, in short, that gives us a chance to operate a chainsaw, threshing machine, or drag harrow.

Ask the MB: John Varvatos Linen Blend Pants

John Varvatos Linen/Cotton Soho Pant via John Varvatos, $298.00
John Varvatos Linen/Cotton Soho Pant via John Varvatos. $298.00.
Q: I like the darker colour of these John Varvatos linen/cotton blend soho pants better than the 100% cotton versions that MB recommended a few months back.

But knowing linen's terrible tendency to wrinkle (these are 53% linen) I'm prevented from clicking the buy button for fear of looking like I've cruelly robbed the trousers straight off the legs of a style-conscious hobo.

No less a figure than H.P. Lovecraft is reputed to have discovered a long forgotten fabric treatment that prevented linen from wrinkling, however the side-effects were horrendous...

So, failing the precise execution of a Lovecraftian material trans-mutation ceremony enacted in the tomb of an Egyptian Pharaoh; 53% linen fabric OK, or not OK?
--Tadgh


A: Despite our extreme prejudice against 100% linen, linen blends can work. In general, we prefer that whatever material the linen is being blended with retain at least a 51% ownership stake, so you're tempting fate with those particular pants. But if you're feeling lucky, go for it.

Ask the MB: Resort Swim Trunks

Ask the MB: Resort Swim Trunks
Q: I'm headed to the beaches of Mexico and my wife has put her foot down on knee length surfer-dude shorts. I'm in reasonable shape for a 40 year old but I'm not quite ready to don the James Bond short shorts. What do you recommend in a mid-thigh model?
--Matt


A: Anglophilia definitely has its limits, especially as the inseam approaches zero (top). While at the other end of the inseam spectrum, we're with your wife about not looking like The Situation and Pauly D. (Note to The Situation: give the biceps a rest and work those anemic calves.)

If an MB is in reasonable shape, even at your advanced age, our general rule is to go with the shortest inseam you can wear with confidence. With the right cut they're not only comfy but allow room for a few extra cervezas -- and they put you many miles away from Jersey Shore. Our perennial favorite is Penguin, like this 5" inseam caviar/light blue "Mr. Splash" option that gives a nod, however slight, to Mr. Bond.

Note: Original Penguin is one of the brands on sale at Giltman.com today. We consider this a sign.

Ask the MB: Leg Crossing

Ask the MB: Leg Crossing
Q: Aspiring to become MB in all aspects of conduct, I have formulated a question for you: What is the proper way to cross your legs out in public? Ankle on knee, leg over knee, or no cross at all? Thanks!
--Ryan


A: Ryan, there is no single correct answer to this. Mark Twain was a leg-over-knee man. James Dean never crossed. Both were magnificent sitters!

We recommend that you adopt whatever position you personally find most comfortable. When you're most at ease, you're most likely to project an air of natural, casual confidence, and that's what you're after. If you do end up doing some variation on crossing, though, make sure whatever socks you're wearing cost at least as much as a neat measure of single malt. And take a yoga class every now and then.

Ask the MB: Girlfriend's Birthday Handbag

Ask the MB: Girlfriend's Birthday Handbag
Q: Hey - my girlfriend's birthday is coming up and I'm a pretty cheap bastard. How much should I shell out for a handbag and how do I know (other than asking her friends) which one is appropriate/good - as they all the mid-range bags look pretty tacky to me.
--Hamish


A: Hamish, you sound pretty committed to the notion that you're a cheap bastard, so it's probably best to find out sooner rather than later if your girlfriend is equally at ease with this fact. Test her out with this Hollywood Intuition bag from Target, designed by Jane Hersh, who owns celeb-fave Intuition in LA. It's $27.

Ask the MB: MAKR Leathergoods

Minimal - Wash Brown via MAKR CARRY GOODS, $65.00
Minimal - Wash Brown via MAKR CARRY GOODS. $65.00.
Q: I just got a wallet by MAKR carry goods. Originally recommended by GQ. Are these MB? They fit most criteria: obscure (though not so much now that they've been featured by GQ), made of natural materials, exclusive (they're made by hand in very limited numbers, and currently they're is a many month wait for any of their limited collection), have no visible labels, and they're largely impractical as they're too small to carry more than three cards and an I.D. The only thing they're missing is a pedigree.
--Ben


A: Ben, your instincts are good. MAKR is new to us, but we love what we see. Their "minimal" line is where we've ended up after years of carrying wallets. Try it and you won't go back. What do you really need? We'll tell you: your driver's license, one credit card, cash. Why ruin the clean lines of your AG jeans with proof of insurance and a Ralphs value club card?

(Note: For you highly evolved types who think a cow's natural purpose in life does not involve being turned into hamburgers and menswear accessories, try Malcolm Fontier's excellent polyurethane Mojito with two pockets, one for cards, the other for cash. $25.)

Ask the MB: Wedding Ring

The MB-endorsed wedding ring
The MB-endorsed wedding ring
Q: I know it's totally un-MB of me to decide to get married, but I am wondering what is the most MB wedding ring for a guy to wear. I see so many of these thick tungsten bands around that look like a washer from a car or something. What is an MB to do?
--Alex


A: We've answered this question before (with a chart).

Ask the MB: Stacy Adams Shoes

Ask the MB: Stacy Adams Shoes
Q: Are Stacy Adams Madison shoes sufficiently MB? They are the nicest, hardest wearing $100 shoes I can find.
--Brian


A: These shoes have a very devoted following, and those customers young enough to use a computer rate them very highly at zappos.com. But they're the Ford Taurus of dress shoes. I.e., no one's ever going to look twice in a bad way if you're wearing them. But no one's going to look twice in a good way either.

Ask the MB: Tony D'Aunnzio's Sunglasses from Caddyshack

Ask the MB: Tony D'Aunnzio's Sunglasses from <em>Caddyshack</em>
Q: I was looking for a place to buy a pair of sunglasses like the ones that the character Tony D'Annunzio from Caddyshack wears to the pool. I saw you put them as an example in one of your answers but I can't seem to find where I could buy a pair, or something like them and I was wondering if you knew of a place?
--James


A: Was Tony D'Annunzio The Situation before The Situation?

We cannot determine the exact make or model of D'Annunzio's sunglasses. (If you know, let us know.) The closest we think you're going to get -- and it's pretty close -- is vintage I Ski reflectors like the ones 44 is wearing (inset) before he turned into the most powerful toolbag on earth. These always turn up on eBay or vintage eyewear sites.

Ask the MB: Custom Online Suit and Shirt Manufacturers

LA Lakers' Jordan Farmar, apparent Astor and Black customer
LA Lakers' Jordan Farmar, apparent Astor and Black customer
Q: My boss turned me on to a suit company called Astor and Black. They make custom tailored clothing to meet any specs you could ever want. A tailor supposedly can come to your home or office and measure you up, have you choose the style and fabric of the suit you would like and in 6 to 7 weeks your custom suit arrives. The best part is the price. I was quoted $2200 for 3 suits and 6 shirts, all made to measure. Am I missing something? Why has no one else stubled upon this?
--Greg


A: Greg, we're not familiar with Astor and Black, but have undertaken the task of reviewing about 7 or 8 online custom shirtmakers, so look for that feature later in February. In the meantime, rather than wed Astor and Black in a boss-arranged marriage, first take it on a date and try out a shirt before committing to a complete wardrobe.

Ask the MB: Sport Shirt Buttoning

Ask the MB: Sport Shirt Buttoning
Q: Should an aspiring MB apply the polo shirt N-2 buttoning policy to sport shirts? Should one ever wear such a shirt with only the very top button unbuttoned, or would this be an example of toolbaggery?
--Russell


A: Unfortunately that simple formula does not apply to sport shirts because there are other factors at work, like button spacing, collar shape and size, and abundance (or, preferably, absence) of chest hair. In other words, it depends.

But to illustrate where we lean, take a look at a TBT (Typical Bravo Toolbag) at the top with two unbuttoned, and MB icon Paul Newman in a western -- a shirt almost demanding N-2 -- with just the top button unbuttoned.

Ask the MB: Michael Bastian Ski Jacket

Ask the MB: Michael Bastian Ski Jacket
Q: MB. Emergency. I've been watching the price on an Michael Bastian Winter 2008 NWT Orange w/corduroy detail ski jacket/vest. Cool or uncool? $400 including shipping? Pull the trigger? Product is modeled on the Bastian website, FYI.
--Paul


A: We love just about every stitch of clothing Michael Bastian has created since launching his line two years ago. The only problem is his ridiculous pricing. Dude, you're not Tom Ford!

The ski jacket's original price was $1685 -- for that, we think a pair of Rossignols and a season pass at Vail should be included. But at $400, we bless this purchase decision. You get a cool jacket and a cool vest, so it's like getting 2 for 1 (OK, maybe 1.4 for 1, 1.5 tops).

Ask the MB: ID Badge Dilemma

Ask the MB: ID Badge Dilemma
Q: How does an MB wear his ID badge at work? None of the options (lanyard, clip-on, stapled to the forehead, etc.) seem particularly magnificent or bastardly....and certainly not both together. Any suggestions?
--Mickey


A: Our primary suggestion is to not have a job where an ID badge is required. A well-endowed trust fund is another good option. But sometimes you gotta feed the monkey, which is where a reinterpretation of the classic luggage tag comes in. On sale right now at giltman.com is this Jack Spade boar skin version for just $18. Sale ends tonight at 11PM CT.

(Again, if you'd like an invitation to Gilt Man -- currently our favorite shopping site -- drop a line.)

Ask the MB: Dressy Casual Attire

Jonas Brothers pioneer
Jonas Brothers pioneer "dressy casual"
Q: Is "dressy casual" a girlie thing? I'm having a film premiere and want to put something on the invitation to indicate some level of expectation for the guests. It's not a formal event, but I don't want people showing up in work jeans and Uggs.
--Sam


A: Sam, you're not going to like our answer but we're strongly opposed to any invitation with sartorial guidelines that don't include both the words "black" and "tie," especially something as oxymoronic as "dressy casual." (To our ear, "dressy casual" is a dangerous invitation to popped collars and banana-colored capri pants -- not to mention coral sneakers and mom's leggings -- and should be avoided at all costs.)

MBs don't concern themselves with what their guests wear, rather, important things within their control, like whether or not they ordered enough booze. We'll be looking for our invite, and we like Dewar's.

Ask the MB: Sport Shirts Underneath Sweaters

Ask the MB: Sport Shirts Underneath Sweaters
Q: I'm definitely on board with tucking in your sport shirts (I don't like Bravo, either). But I've been wearing sport shirts under sweaters a lot recently, and was wondering about the protocol on the sport shirt underneath. Tucked or not?
--Christopher


A: First of all, we love Bravo, just not the guys who give the dudes on Jersey Shore a run for their toolbaggery.

Second, the tuck rule still applies for shirts underneath a sweater. I.e., if your shirt is designed to be untucked, go for it; if it's designed to be tucked, tuck it. This way you'll achieve the desired artfully disheveled shirt-barely-peeking-out look as demonstrated here by Joseph Gordon-Levitt in (500) Days of Summer.

Ed. note: (500) Days of Summer is the best romantic comedy we've seen since Annie Hall. OK, maybe it's the only romantic comedy we've seen since Annie Hall. Anyhow, the only thing better than the flick (just by a whisker) is the soundtrack that includes tunes from The Smiths, Hall and Oates, and Spectacular Bitch par excellence Carla Bruni.

Ask the MB: Artfully Disheveled vs. Not Trying

Ask the MB: Artfully Disheveled vs. Not Trying
Q: What's the difference between artful dishevelment and not trying? I can't seem to get the technique down, because I either end up looking like a slob or I'm trying too hard. Please enlighten me, MB.
--Mike


A: Mike, for questions like these, Nick Nolte usually has the answers.

Top: Artful dishevelment.

Bottom: Not trying.

Ask the MB: Casual Tuxedo Shirt

Ask the MB: Casual Tuxedo Shirt
Q: A few years ago I bought a tuxedo shirt for my wedding, with the plan of wearing it as a casual "going out" shirt after our nuptials . After 4 years, I've yet to put it in play. I seemed to remember a time when wearing said shirt was alright to do with a pair of jeans. Was I dreaming? Is this something Ii should only wear if I renew my vows.....or get remarried?
--Brian


A: This is not the easiest thing to execute, but definitely doable. However, Brian, in your case, the fact that the shirt has hung in your closet for four years is definitely telling you something: Listen! Either: a.) Do as you suggest and wait until your next marriage. The seven year itch is only three short years away. Or b.) Donate it to either your wife or mistress. Women can look great in them.

Ask the MB: Cold Head

Ask the MB: Cold Head
Q: While I feel confident that I have successfully managed the unfavorable hand of genetic hair-loss with a close cut; and despite a having solid hat collection, every winter I pine for the many benefits of a full head of hair. With that in mind, what's the MB stance on seeking hair-replacement treatments?
--Joe


A: Joe, don't cut it too close (see an earlier post on the matter). It's easy for us to sit here with hair up the wazoo and tell you to work with what the good Lord gave ya, but that's exactly what we're going to do. Hair replacement/transplants run into the many thousands of dollars and they're a crap shoot. For that kind of bread you can upgrade your hat collection with this ultra-toasty shaved beaver model (now on sale for $290) and have wads of cash left over for penis enlargement pills.

Ask the MB: What Type of Dogs are MB?

Ask the MB: What Type of Dogs are MB?
Q: I see I am not the only one to take interest in your header. While the lovely lady was also what I noticed first, I had another thought: what are the best breeds of dog for a MB?
--Jon


A: Like many other things, Anglophilia is at the heart of the answer, as is Paul Fussell's must-read 1983 classic Class. While MB-dom and class is not a 1:1 correlation we think his observations on dogs are quite astute:

They are classier the more they allude to nonutilitarian hunting, and thus to England. The top dogs consequently are Labradors, golden retrievers, corgis, King Charles spaniels, and Afghan hounds. To be upper-class you should have a lot of them, and they should be named after the costliest liquors, like Brandy and Whiskey. The middle class goes in for Scotties and Irish setters, often giving them Scottish or Irish names, although it reserves "Sean" (sometimes spelled "Shawn" to make sure everyone gets it) for its own human issue. Proles, for their part, like breeds that can be conceived to furnish "protection": Doberman pinschers, German shepherds, or pit bulls. Or breeds useful in utilitarian outdoor pursuits, like beagles. The thinness of dogs is often a sign of their social class. "Upper-class dogs." says Jilly Cooper, "have only one meal a day and are therefore quite thin, like their owners."

Ask the MB: Dock Drink

Ask the MB: Dock Drink
Q: In the header photo, what's in the cocktail glass the MB is holding, and how many did the lady by the loading dock have?
--Jeff


A: The MB is drinking Dewar's neat. There was no ice available on the set, but we consume it this way often anyhow. In fact, if we were stranded on a desert island (or maybe an island off the coast of Scotland) with a single spirit, it would be Dewar's, not just for its flavor, but for its versatility.

The woman in the pic came to the shoot straight (as far as we know) though a belt or two wouldn't have hurt for the header photos you are about to see.

Ed. note: If you are a woman reading this and have an interest in appearing in an upcoming MB.com header photo, drop us a line.

Ask the MB: Gingham Shirts

Point-collar dress shirt in medium gingham via J. Crew, $55.00
Point-collar dress shirt in medium gingham via J. Crew. $55.00.
Q: Is gingham acceptable outside of spring/summer? If not, is there an equally awesome winter-based pattern?
--Foreign Dignitary


A: This answer is definitely not by the book, but we endorse all manner of gingham year-round, partly because it is so awesome. It takes a certain attitude and confidence to pull it off, but the rewards are great. If the idea of wearing a large-check purple gingham shirt in the middle of January -- even under a cashmere sweater -- sounds a bit too adventurous, you can take a safer path and seasonalize it by choosing black and navy and brown for fall/winter (J.Crew is showing some cool washed options), and save the pink and red and yellow versions until you see the first robin (that usually happens in early April here in Wisconsin).

Ask the MB: Custom Suit

A Yves Saint Laurent version
A Yves Saint Laurent version
Q: I am looking at having my first custom suit made. Considering that this will be my ONLY suit, what qualities should I look for in colour, fabric & design? I'll be wearing it to weddings, job interviews, etc.
--Sean


A: For the man who only needs or wants or can afford a single suit, this is the suit to own:

Color and Fabric: Charcoal gray, in a four season wool from a top-notch textile maker like Loro Piana.

Jacket: Moderate width notch lapel. Two buttons. Top welt and front flap welt pockets. Given your Queen's English spelling of "colour," go with double back vents. (Yanks can go single vent.) Functional four-button cuffs. Light/non-existent shoulder padding.

Pants: Flat front, straight leg cut. Tab waist with zip closure. On seam front pockets, back welt pockets. No cuff.

This is a suit for a decade, at least. Let us know how it turns out.

Ask the MB: PRPS Jeans

Ask the MB: PRPS Jeans
Q: I'm looking for some new jeans, what can you tell me about PRPS, and are they really worth the money?
--Chris


A: We like PRPS denim, but we're not so crazy about the brand's pursuit of "authenticity" by torturing a perfectly good pair of jeans until they look just like a 25-year-old pair of Wranglers worn by an overworked house-painter with a second-rate washing machine. We think it's fine to spend $300 - $400 on a pair of jeans, but only if that price doesn't stop you from doing things you'd do if you were wearing a pair of 501s. They're jeans, after all, not limited edition art objects.

If you like their fit -- and fit is everything with denim -- get something like the dark wash selvedge and start making your own holes.

Ask the MB: Camel Hair Coat

Camel Hair Trench Coat via J. L. Powell, $2297.00
Camel Hair Trench Coat via J. L. Powell. $2297.00.
Q: Any tips for a camel hair coat (tan?) for winter wear? I'm looking for an alternative to urban-type coats and would like something more classic. Or is it too old-fogey classic?!
--Gerald


A: We checked traditionalist sites Ralph Lauren, Pendleton, Brooks Brothers, and J. Press, and couldn't find a single camel hair coat. Gerald, this is a sign, either to abandon the idea or double down with this $2300 trench from J. L. Powell (originally $4950).

Ask the MB: Tattoo Placement

Ask the MB: Tattoo Placement
Q: This is my first time on this website, and I love it! OK. I'm thinking of getting a tattoo, it's a tribal star (5 tips), actually I have made up my mind on getting the tattoo and the design I just can't make up my mind on where to get it. I'm thinking either on the left side of my chest (under my amrpit) or on the inside of my bicep. I really don't want it to show, but which is more MB? Thanks a million.
--Othman


A: We think the best place to get a tattoo is jail. As long as your record is clean, we encourage you to keep your chest and biceps clean too.

Ask the MB: White Sunglasses

Ask the MB: White Sunglasses
Q: MB Gods, my question is about sunglasses, specifically color. What's your stance on white sunglasses on men? I occasionally see them on pro snowboarders or surfers and they seem to pull it off but the guys I see on the streets in white shades are always toolbag-ish. Partly because they are either Oakleys, really big frames, or both. But mainly because, well...they're white! So white shades: Mag-Bastardly or Toolbaggy?
--Kasper


A: Neither MB or TB, more like TTH. The fictional character Max Headroom was able to pull them off, as did Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain, but he also successfully wore girls' cardigans, fingernail polish, and even made suicide seem cool. Similar to our answer to a question about pulling off a white blazer, if you have to ask, don't try.

Ask the MB: Pants and Shoes that Work Together

Ask the MB: Pants and Shoes that Work Together
Q: I've noticed that certain combinations of shoes and pants lack the seamless blending/transition at the overlap, such as flare pants with skinny width shoes. Are there any tips to get the right balance? See Exhibit A (top) and B (bottom).
--Mike


A: It's only January 7th but we're pretty sure this will be the most astute observation made all year. Well done.

While our answer should probably take the form of a pseudo-scientific chart, the only tip or guide you need is to follow the architectural principle of proportion. Or, why wearing narrow-outsole sneakers (like a Puma Roma) with bootcut denim feels totally weird.

Similarly, a jacket's lapels and tie should be of like widths. A big part of the problem with the skinny trend (RIP) was the poor bastards who merely dipped their toe in and bought a skinny tie to wear with a traditional-width lapel suit. Like so many breast enlargement surgeries, it looks wrong, and there's a reason why.

Ask the MB: Cop Gun Holster

Ask the MB: Cop Gun Holster
Q: As a top-flight plain clothes supervisor in a major southern police department, this question must be asked: Holster on the belt or go with the shoulder holster? I feel pretty good about my overall MB status but this one keeps me awake. I like the convenience of the belt holster but really feel like the shoulder rig is the only real MB choice for those of us in a suit. Your call - just the right call for the classic MB police style or just trying too hard (TTH)?
--Ray


A: Our call is that it's the right call. The MB plain clothes cops we know -- Virgil Tibbs, Harry Callahan, Jack Cates -- all choose the shoulder holster and for good reason: it hides the pistol's bulk beneath your jacket (form), and also allows for a quick draw (function) as demonstrated by Sydney Poitier in 1970's They Call Me MISTER Tibbs!.

Ask the MB: Relaxed Fit Sport Shirts

Classic-Fit Western Shirt via ralphlauren.com, $59.99
Classic-Fit Western Shirt via ralphlauren.com. $59.99.
Q: It's getting hard to find cool sport shirts that aren't fitted or slim fit. I know what you're going to say, but they don't look good on everyone, and it would be much worse to wear a shirt that's too tight. Any solutions that don't include going to the gym?
--Adam


A: Geez, based on recent questions you'd think MB was some kind of shaving and workout-crazed American version of the Taliban. No, but perhaps menswear designers are trying to tell us all something: mix in a salad!

Adam, we recommen- Put that doughnut down! We recommend looking at Polo (preferably without the player logo). Even Ralph Lauren has jumped pretty heavily onto the "slim" bandwagon, and maybe his shirts are not the kind of cool you were thinking of, but the "classic" fit and Big & Tall have always been designed with a thicker American man in mind.


Ask the MB: No Facial Hair? Really?

Ask the MB: No Facial Hair? Really?
Q: No facial hair? Ever? So how do explain Brian Austin Green nabbing Megan Fox? George Clooney and Elisabetta? Pitt and Jolie? Surely these guys aren't toolbags. If they are, I have no chance at all.

--TTH in Texas, Cash


A: Just looking over our facial hair channel, and while we've definitely said no to age-inappropriate facial hair, we're not shaving zealots. (However, as beards now hit the peak of the trend curve -- with Brad Pitt now resembling The Dude -- we're heading more vigorously in the opposite direction.)

About the couples you mention: Megan Fox (age 23) probably had a crush on Brian Austin Green (age 36) since she was 10 and he was on 90210. George Clooney is rich, famous, and handsome. Any one of those three is usually enough. Angelina Jolie? Ick!

Ask the MB: Brooks Brothers

Ask the MB: Brooks Brothers
Q: I've noticed you guys are down on Brooks Brothers, and I mostly agree. However, I just picked up a suit and sport coat from the Black Fleece line for 50% off and had a made to measure suit done. I picked wool from the Zegna factory and it will be constructed in the Martin Greenfield factory in Brooklyn. So, in the right setting, can Brooks Brothers be considered bastardly?
--David


A: While we've poked some good-natured fun at Thom Browne, his stuff for Black Fleece the past two years is pretty good, and the quality is top-notch. Made in China, this is not. Our problem has always been the completely ridiculous pricing. Even at 50% off (as much of it is now) it's only a so-so value. If you like Black Fleece, keep your eyes on Gilt Man; they just had a sale with discounts in the 60-75% range and we expect another one fairly soon.

Ed. note: giltman.com is fast becoming a near-daily required shopping stop. If you'd like an invitation to join just drop us a line.

Ask the MB: New Year's Party With Black Velvet Blazer

Tartan Trousers via Brooks Brothers, $250.00
Tartan Trousers via Brooks Brothers. $250.00.
Q: What types of shirts and pants combinations can be paired with a black velvet blazer for a semi-formal New Year's Eve celebration?
--Black


A: The shirt is easy: white, pressed, no button-down. If you have one, an evening shirt with studs would be MB. The pants? Hmmmmm ... time is short ... is there a Black Fleece-stocked Brooks Brothers near you? The blazer + the shirt + these subtle tartan pants will definitely get you more than the obligatory New Year's peck on the cheek.

Ask the MB: Creative Black Tie

Ask the MB: Creative Black Tie
Q: What's your take on "creative black tie"? I am a traditionalist, but I f#$@ing hate wearing a tuxedo. Is there an acceptable MB-worthy solution that eliminates the need to wear a tie?
--Johnny C.


A: Johnny, what you call "creative black tie," we call "a slippery slope to looking like Brett Michaels."

Opting out of a tie for black tie is a high-risk proposition. Even the sartorially gifted and adventurous Adrien Brody flopped spectacularly with the open shirt/medallion look at the Oscars a couple of years ago (inset). About the only successful untied look we've seen is David Beckham in an ascot. And he's David Beckham. With Posh Spice at his side.

A tuxedo is designed to be formal and somewhat generic. So trying to get creative with it is like trying to turn a pizza into a doughnut. You can do it, but you're probably going to end up with a funny-looking doughnut. Know when to pick your spots, or in other words, follow this MB Rule: Going against the flow doesn't mean pissing against the wind.

Ask the MB: Diesel Age Appropriateness

Diesel Winquil Jacket via zappos.com, $195.00
Diesel Winquil Jacket via zappos.com. $195.00.
Q: Dear MB: I'm 37, look 3-4 years younger, very much in shape. Can I pull off this Diesel jacket? Or does it put me in aging-tool-in-denial territory? http://www.zappos.com/diesel-winquil-jacket-dark-grey
--Lou


A: Lou, even with your apparent youthful looks and strapping bod, as you can see from the chart below, you're pushing it. Not to mention, if you're going to go moto make it leather and not polyester (principle of organic matarials).






diesel age appropriateness chart

Diesel Chart

Ask the MB: Black Jeans

Sid Vicious rocking black jeans
Sid Vicious rocking black jeans
Q: Though there have been many a discussion on jeans, whether white, distressed, old or young, what is the MB's take on black jeans? Not too black, not too gray? What is the best course of action, or stay clear all together?
--Todd C.


A: We're not going to tell you not to wear black jeans. But we stay clear because we only see them fully successful when worn on stage. And none of us can sing a lick.

Ask the MB: Cool Socks

Happy Socks: The Argyles via Gent Supply Co., $10.50
Happy Socks: The Argyles via Gent Supply Co.. $10.50.
Q: I have a job that I'm able to dress pretty casually to and therefore wear jeans a better part of the time. My question is this, if I'm wearing something like the beloved Pumas, which may be something other than black or brown, what color of sock is appropriate? I was taught to match the sock with the pant? Does this mean blue socks? And if so, where can I find a respectable pair of socks?
--Dave


A: No, Dave, it does not mean blue socks. We're not really into sock-matching in trouser situations, and with denim no rules apply, except of course the immutable rule that white socks are for athletic activities (and no, Obama, it does not include throwing out the first pitch).

We've mentioned this before but we really dig Paul Smith socks. Each spring and fall he adds just the right seasonal touches with material, color, and style. Unfortunately they retail for $30/pair. A more affordable option we've been happy with is Happy Socks (pictured), available from Gent Supply Co. for $10.50.

Ask the MB: Jeans to Jean Shorts

Ask the MB: Jeans to Jean Shorts
Q: I've got a pair of super-comfy CK jeans and I've worn them so much that they've started to get holes in the knees. I've considered cutting them into shorts because it's summer in OZ. Should I? And if so, how short?
--Reece


A: Whoa, mate. Rather than make a mistake that might get you on the front page of jorts.com, instead take this opportunity to begin creating some seriously cool, organically destroyed jean pants. Find a tailor with an interest in being less like a seamstress and more like a designer, and show him this picture (here is a super-big version). Get him to put the patch behind the hole and damn-near embroider on the top with a high-contrast, heavy-weight thread. Then get to work making some new holes.

(Jeans pictured owned by: Carl Chiara. Design director, Levi's Capital E and Red Collections.)


Ask the MB: Wingtip Shoes

Gucci grey polished leather wing-tip oxfords via bluefly.com, $420.00
Gucci grey polished leather wing-tip oxfords via bluefly.com. $420.00.
Q: I've used your shoe-pointiness graph as a guide in footwear purchases since you've published it, but it doesn't address style. How does the MB feel about wingtips? Are they an old classic or just old?
--Joe


A: The highly-polished, stacked-heeled, leather-soled wingtips our grandfathers are still wearing definitely look a bit stodgy these days. And they're so noisy, like car alarms for your feet. (Don't even try to steal that Scotch, Gramps! We totally hear you!) We still like wingtips but they're a classic in desperate need of a twist, like the flat rubber-soled Guccis we endorsed a few weeks ago.


Ask the MB: Big-Time Winter Coats

Spiewak N3B Snorkel Parka via evogear.com, $164.95
Spiewak N3B Snorkel Parka via evogear.com. $164.95.
Q: Winter is upon us and I was wondering what is a MB winter coat? I'm talking for below zero, snowy conditions. I figure puffy, bubble coats and bright colored ski jackets are out. So what is a MB to do when it gets really cold and you have to go out?
--Jon G.


A: Puffy coats are definitely not out. Moncler made some of the earliest versions, and the Italians deemed them worthy for the initial ascent of K2 in 1954.

However, if you don't have an extra $900-$1000 lying around we really, really like the Spiewak N3B Snorkel Parka (also developed in the '50s) and it's just $164.95. Yeah, it is a little overkill for your garden-variety winter weather, but a good defense when Jack Frost is nipping at your nose like a pit bull trained by Michael Vick.

Ask the MB: Tie Length

Ask the MB: Tie Length
Q: How low should I tie my tie? My roommate says above the belt, I say the tip should be between the top and bottom of the belt. Back me up, and he's buying all of us beer next time you're on the East Coast.
--Mike


A: This is definitely unconventional wisdom and somewhat difficult to pull off, but we agree with your roommate. So does one of our biggest influences, Yves Saint Laurent. In fact, we've been known to let the narrow end meet (and even exceed!) the length of the wide end with excellent results. But you need to be fairly tall and in shape or you'll end up looking like hamburger-loving J. Wellington Wimpy.

Ask the MB: Manicures

Ask the MB: Manicures
Q: I just found your site the other day through www.onthefly.com, a truly wonderful website for the modern gentleman. It now has another feather in its cap--it has led me to you folks! Immediately upon finding your site, I went looking for answer to something I've been wondering for quite some time now. Alas, it appears that you have not addressed this yet. How do you feel about manicures? Pedicures, I gather, are required for sandals, but what about the other 10 digits?
--Bryning


A: We endorse meticulous personal grooming, especially when someone else is doing it. Artful dishevelment does not extend to peeling cuticles. So yes, manicures are MB-approved. However, since they are your more dexterous digits and near your face, it's possible to care for these adequately on your own. Feet, on the other hand, require a professional, unless you have yoga master-level flexibility.

Ask the MB: Spectacular Bitch Jacket

Ask the MB: Spectacular Bitch Jacket
Q: I've been reading your site for quite a while now and have gotten some great advice. I know SpectacularBitch.com will be up and running soon, but I have a holiday issue. I would like to get my girlfriend a brown leather jacket for the holidays (she has been wanting one for a few months, but she is really picky). I was wondering what leather jackets SpectacularBitch.com would recommend.
--Stefano (MB-in-training)


A: Stefano, buying clothing for a girlfriend is not recommended. Buying clothes for a picky girlfriend? Hang on to the receipt.

Without knowing your gal's style, here are three options for three SB archetypes:

If She Owns Pearls (Classic)
Daryn Suede Hacking Jacket (Top)
This Ralph Lauren Black Label jacket was once $2498.00. It's now just $1099.00.

If She Thinks Snow-shoeing is More Than Just an Excuse to Buy Another Pair of Shoes (Outdoor Enthusiast)
Weathered Leather Peacoat (Middle)
$495.00

If She Might Cheat on You with Angelina Jolie (Bad Girl)
Mike & Chris Maurice Quilted Leather Jacket (Bottom)
$508.20

Good luck and let us know how it turns out.

Ask the MB: Basketball Coach Wardrobe

Ask the MB: Basketball Coach Wardrobe
Q: Dear MB: I am a basketball coach and would like to carry my magnificent ways from the classroom to the practice court. What kind of athletic apparel do you recommend to keep me on the magnificent path. Thanks.
--Press


A: Press, the answer to your question lies in a '70s TV drama. Ken Reeves, aka "The White Shadow," shows the way magnificently, just as he showed Carver High's ball club how to run the high pick-and-roll with Coolidge and Salami: fitted white polo with deep placket and pointed collar, slim track pants with contrast side stripe(s), and low-top sneakers.

Here's how to pull it together:

* Wyatt jersey pocket polo, via bluefly.com
* Nike Silver Vintage Killshot shoes, via urbanoutfitters.com
* Adidas Superstar track pants, via shopadidas.com
* Metal whistle from the American Whistle Corporation, the only metal whistle manufacturer in the U.S.

Ask the MB: Artfully Disheveled While Balding

Ask the MB: Artfully Disheveled While Balding
Q: I shave my head, due to hair loss, and feel that it detracts from your artfully disheveled standards. Are there any general rules for us smooth-domed MB wannabes that I should be following?
--Dan


A: Dan, you said you shave your head, but how often do you shave? We ask because in our opinion, the fully shaved look (aka the Savalas) as a can't-miss cure for baldness is ultimately about as can't-miss as Rogaine or Propecia -- it doesn't always work as advertised. If you're Michael Jordan, go for it. If not, well, just look at Jack (top) -- suddenly one of the world's coolest dudes looks like a bigger toolbag than Joe the Plumber.

Our advice: when you shave, leave enough stubble to make your wife/girlfriend think twice about asking for special favors. Then, don't shave again until you start worrying about the impact wind/hats are having on your hair. The more hair you have left on top, the more frequently you'll have to shave. When you're looking like Jackson Pollock (bottom), you're looking just right. When you're looking like Larry Fine (inset), you've let it go too far.

Ask the MB: Disney World Shoes

Ask the MB: Disney World Shoes
Q: This is a time-sensitive request, so hopefully you will publish an answer soon. I am convinced other fathers will have the same question. I will be taking the kids to Disney World in December and was wondering what a Magnificent Bastard can wear on his feet for all that walking that will send the appropriate level of Magnificent Basterdness to the Crocs-wearing dads I am destined to see there. I don't want my feet to hurt, but I also don't want to look like...well you know what I would look like in Crocs or a similar kind of "shoe." Of course they can't be dressy because it's about as casual a vacation we can go on...short of spending all of our time on a beach, but I am sure Bastards such as yourselves can solve my problem.
--Jeff from Illinois


A: Jeff, first off, relax! Disney World is the one place on the planet where wearing a Tommy Bahama shirt may qualify you as the coolest guy in the room. Or to put it another way: If your goal as an MB-in-training is merely to outdo some Crocs-wearing stroller-pusher from Topeka, well, you're setting the bar kind of low! But what the hell -- baby steps, right?

Browse our shoe channel and you'll note our interest in classic sport shoes. In fact, visit the MB-recommended classicsportshoes.com and just about anything will do, though we seem to always end up in Adidas or Puma. One of our all-time faves is the difficult-to-find Puma California EXT, available in 8.5, 9, 10, and 10.5. And don't mess up the socks. Go for no-show or none at all.

Ask the MB: Desert Boots

Ask the MB: Desert Boots
Q: What's a better choice for desert boots: leather or suede? Also, should I stick with Clarks or go for another brand?
--Sam


A:

1. Desert boots are suede.

2. Clarks invented desert boots. They were first worn by British officers doing battle with Rommel in the deserts of North Africa. In other words, stick with Clarks.

Ask the MB: Cardigans

Ask the MB: Cardigans
Q: How do you feel about cardigans?
--Peter


A: Cardigans are everywhere this year but don't let that keep you from wearing them. They're timeless. One strong suggestion, however: find one that's on the short side, and slim (bottom). The majority out there are droopy, longer ones that have a very un-MB shortening effect.


Ask the MB: Black Banded Collar Shirt

Ask the MB: Black Banded Collar Shirt
Q: I was organizing my closet today and came across my old Joseph Aboud black, banded collar long sleeve shirt.... Should it remain in the back of the closet, or can I wear it again?
--Ron


A: Ron, you should've never bought the shirt in the first place. Make amends to the style gods by soaking it in gasoline and use to start a bonfire large enough for them to see.

Ask the MB: The Continental Look

This one, we do not recommend. Band of Outsiders simply overrated.
This one, we do not recommend. Band of Outsiders simply overrated.
Q: Dear MB, I was recently traveling in Spain and noticed a particular style among the men there which I would like to replicate. Professional men seemed to wear a lot of very trim cut, double vented odd jackets in light weight fabrics (it was still quite warm in October). Solid, patterned, cotton, linen - quite a variety, but nothing I seem able to find in the US. The look was way more MB than the typical quad-pleated Dockers, golf shirts and Oakleys I tend to see here. Can you point me in the right direction? Thanks!
--Matt


A: Odd jackets? Have you tried your local Goodwill? Pairing the blazers you describe with equally slim-cut wovens, cool denim, and sport/fashion footwear is a winning look that's pretty easy to achieve, especially if you would've stopped into a few of the hundreds of little menswear shops there. Now that you're back in America the easiest way to find what you're looking for is to visit yoox.com. If you're flush with cash try a higher-end YOOX property: thecorner.com.

Ask the MB: Where Do You Buy Your Shoes?

Ask the MB: Where Do You Buy Your Shoes?
Thank you for answering my MB polo shirt buttoning policy question! Here's a follow up: With Christmas around the corner family has been asking what I want. I've decided I'm ready to ditch the Clarks and get a legit pair of new business casual shoes for work (black and brown). To accomplish this I'm going to request gift cards but they'll have to be to the same store in order to stack them all together. But which store is the best for MB shoe shopping? Was thinking Nordstrom but haven't been that impressed with their selection. I'd also prefer an actual store versus online but will defer to your expert opinion. Where do you get your shoes?
--Jay


A: We get our shoes all over the place. Any of the retailers linked on our home page, if they sell shoes we've probably bought a pair. Our biggest wins, however, have come from bluefly and we recommend it for you in spite of its online-ness. Great options for your immediate bizcash need and depending on your adventurousness and line of work, they've always got interesting sport/fashion from Prada, Puma, Tod's, and Adidas, which is the direction we're going these days.

Ask the MB: Suit Jacket Buttoning Policy

Ask the MB: Suit Jacket Buttoning Policy
Q: The top or bottom button on a 2 button suit. MB can you settle a debate on button etiquette? We have always been told NOT to use the bottom button on any jackets? Is it ever appropriate to a.) use both buttons on a 2 button jacket? b.) use only the bottom button on a 2 button jacket?
--Dave


A: There are only two occasions when it's OK to button both buttons on a jacket: during your wedding vows or during your oath of office. And never only button the bottom button. Even a total schlub like Nixon, in complete disgrace, in a crappy Windsor knot and flag pin, knew to only button the top one.

Ask the MB: Jeans and Flip-Flops

Ask the MB: Jeans and Flip-Flops
Q: Are you ever going to touch on the atrocity of wearing flip-flops and jeans together? Your silence suggests it is still appropriate attire as you pontificate pearls of bastardly fashion from your cozy West Hollywood cyber-cafe.
--Larry


A: Woah, Lar. There's actually a bit of a chill this morning on the terraced patio here at Urth Caffe on Melrose, warmed only slightly by an organic dolce espresso and the sight of Meg Ryan. Anyhow, we're from a small farming community in the middle of Wisconsin, and we say flip-flops and jeans are fine, but only if you've had a pedicure in the last 21 days.

Ask the MB: More on Pant Tucking

Ask the MB: More on Pant Tucking
Q: I like the look of high/riding boots, but think it's too much to wear unless you're in the English countryside or riding. The other day I saw a guy wearing a nice pair of leather ankle boots, like a ferragamo or gucci boot, with his pants tucked into them. I couldn't decide whether it looked ridiculous or courageously cool. What say you?
--Tom


A: Tom, we answered your question about a year ago, calling it TTHTLLYS (Trying Too Hard To Look Like Yosemite Sam), and still oppose this overly affected style. Weather the pant-tucking trend for now as it will be completely gone by next fall, except on re-runs.

Ask the MB: GQ's Jim Moore

Ask the MB: <em>GQ</em>'s Jim Moore
Q: Around a month ago I watched GQ Rules: How to dress better in 15 days. What caught my attention was Jim Moore's tie and collar buttons. Is it MB to tie your tie a bit loose just like Jim Moore? Also, I know you are not supposed to wear a tie with a shirt with button collars. What do you guys think? I uploaded a picture here http://i34.tinypic.com/4h3w3m.jpg of Jim Moore just in case you guys haven't watched it yet.
--Franco


A: First, it's certainly OK to wear a tie with a button-down collar. Second, this is Jim Moore's version of artful dishevelment and it's definitely endorsable (though the tie width and knot size is not). Finally, one thing we don't get about Jim Moore's look is the eyewear. We're pretty sure he got those at our high school algebra teacher's garage sale.


Ask the MB: Toggle Coats

Ask the MB: Toggle Coats
Q: Toggle coats, yes or no? I've never found one that doesn't make me look huge. Now I'm just thinking this is the MB's way of telling me to stop looking.
--Kyle


We've never been a fan of toggle coats, but not because they make us look huge. It's because when we see one, it invariably reminds of a front door with seven deadbolts on it. It's as if the wearer is worried that someone is going to break into his coat and steal his sweater. These overfortified coats are everywhere this season, but you can safely avoid.

Ask the MB: Magnificent Golf Shoes

Ask the MB: Magnificent Golf Shoes
Q: I need to buy a new pair of magnificent golf shoes, but I don't really know where to look. Any ideas??? Thanks!
--Blake


A: Unfortunately golf shoes have followed in the footsteps of running shoes and gone all ugly space-age (top), when MBs just want the golf shoe equivalent of New Balance 574s (bottom).

It's difficult to offer suggestions in such a depressed golf shoe environment, but last season's Puma Club Shoe works and is on sale for $70. Also keep your eyes on eBay for Adidas and Puma models when they were cool, like back in 2008.

Ask the MB: Chick Version?

French first lady Carla Bruni. Spectacular Bitch par excellence.
French first lady Carla Bruni. Spectacular Bitch par excellence.
Q: I was talking to my girlfriend today about MB and she mentioned that she wished there was a version of MB for women. I was curious as to whether you folks had ever thought about finding some fabulous ladies to run a sister site with a similar style?
--Mark


A: Funny you should ask, Mark. We're diligently working on our sister site, spectacularbitch.com. Okay, we're not diligently working on it. But we're working on it. Check back in in early 2010, and we should at least have the website equivalent of Carla Bruni's top. In other words, not a lot of substance, perhaps, but loads and loads of style.

Ask the MB: Victoria's Secret Party

Nothing like a spectacular pair of collarbones
Nothing like a spectacular pair of collarbones
Q: I'm headed to the Victoria's Secret show and after party in NY and the attire is listed as "dressy cocktail" (as expected) on the invitation. I'm pretty sure I'm leaning toward a nice suit and tie, but was curious as to what you might think would be good in terms of style for the show and the party itself. Any suggestions would be great. Thanks!
--DR


A: DR, did you say something? Sorry, we've got the Victoria's Secret Miraculous™ Push-Up bra ad running on a loop here. Did you know it instantly adds two cup sizes? Anyhow, what was your question? Oh, right. Suit. Good.

Ask the MB: Beige Suits

Ask the MB: Beige Suits
Q: What's the word on beige suits? I think they're pretty tough to pull off, but I'd say it can be done. I really like this one (although I'm not a fan of the 3 buttons). Where could I find this one with two buttons?
--Christopher


A: This looks more like "khaki" to us, and they're not difficult to pull off at all. Just not now as we head into winter. Wait until baseball season starts again.

Unfortunately you'll likely have to wait until then to pick one up as they've disappeared off the sale pages, but Theory usually makes a good one.

Ask the MB: In Search of the Perfect Peacoat

John Varvatos Star USA Suede Peacoat via Bloomingdales, $895.00
John Varvatos Star USA Suede Peacoat via Bloomingdales. $895.00.
Q: I would hope that you are continuing your search for the perfect peacoat this year. It is a bit early in the season, but have you found any potential candidates? Price is not a factor.
--Aaron


A: Aaron, if you haven't noticed, as a result of the economy, most fall 2009 collections suck pretty hard, and peacoats are no exception. There is one standout, though, and it's this John Varvatos Star USA suede model. A real statement piece. The only bummer is that the collar is faux fur (principle of organic materials).

If $895 is too rich, GQ just published a Best Coats Under $500 piece that's worth checking out.

Ask the MB: Flannel

Ask the MB: Flannel
Q: I couldn't find any MB articles on flannel (although I haven't really looked). Just curious, I keep hearing about "designer" flannel shirts that really seem too expensive for what they are. What is the MB's stance on flannel? I like wearing it because it's soft, warm, and durable, and I live in the Rockies.
--Joe


A: It took nearly 15 years but the grunge affliction is finally behind us. Wear your flannel with confidence, but only if you weigh less than 100 lbs., are female, and not a lesbian. Otherwise, we tend to view flannel as this season's fleur-de-lis.

Ask the MB: Einstein

Ask the MB: Einstein
Q: Dear Bastard (in all of your magnificence):

We were looking through images on Google and found the Magnificent Bastard that puts all others to shame. See exhibit A and B. We can't help but notice Albert Einstein's artful dishevelment and dignified countenance. In short: too bastardly for us to compete with. Also, we noticed the tuxedo collar is used with a high sense of class. What is your opinion on this Magnificent Bastard?

With Awe,
Zach and Jon


A: In theory, Einstein should qualify as an MB. But while we don't know much about physics, we do know that artful dishevelment does not mean being so preoccupied with quantized atomic vibrations that you don't realize you've put on your wife's shorts and sandals instead of your own. Sorry, Albert!

Ask the MB: Uncrate

This is 'The New Wall Street'
This is 'The New Wall Street'
Q: Uncrate, previously satisfied with simply adding a "me-too" to other sites' work, seems to have recently gotten into the fashion advice business for itself (http://www.uncrate.com/men/style/garb/) . Their suggestions for "The New Wall Street" seem follow the MB-approved principles of Anglophilia, natural materials and I don't see a belt-clip for that Blackberry ... still, I worry. For example, how can I properly scmhooze a board meeting in "narrow ankle" pants that feature an index-card-sized branded patch logo on the ass?

So the question: Is Uncrate ready to quit the kids table and come drink with the adults, or is little brother TTH?
--Andrew


A: Just as you can't ask a caterpillar to fly, you can't expect every guy out there to take on the responsibilities of being an MB -- which in part include knowing one's own style well enough to occasionally decide for yourself which pants go with which shirt. Or simply which pants not to wear at all.

Ask the MB: The Sartorialist

Scott Schuman: One missed shave away from TTH?
Scott Schuman: One missed shave away from TTH?
Q: What is your opinion of the Sartorialist? It is a fashion blog that some of my friends recommended to me, and while I find a few of its entries to be MB-esque, I find many of them to be far too trendy and TTH. What is your opinion?
--Jon


A: We have nothing but respect and admiration for The Sartorialist. Especially because he's got excellent taste in women.

A lot of his observations and recommendations are too trendy and TTH because he's in Manhattan. Now, there's nothing wrong with The Big Apple -- a couple of us went there once on a field trip in 8th grade -- but being from Pulaski, WI we naturally provide a more carefree, understated approach to men's style. Maybe it's NTHE (Not Trying Hard Enough) for some, but we're confident that if you follow the advice given in these pages, when you're a grandfather and look back at the photographs that document your life, you can do so with beaming pride instead of asking yourself, "What the fuck was I thinking?"

Ask the MB: Halloween Costumes for an MB

Ask the MB: Halloween Costumes for an MB
Q: What does a MB wear for Halloween?
--Sean


A: Halloween is a near impossiblility for an MB. It clearly violates the understatement principle. And turns on its head the objective of looking like you haven't thought about what you're wearing. You're wearing a fucking a costume!

Anyhow, if you insist, we suspect Michael Jackson may be a popular choice this Halloween, and we've put together a handy guide to choose the proper MJ look.



mj halloween

Ask the MB: White Russian

Ask the MB: White Russian
Q: After your recent "Are You a Cocktail Toolbag" I got to thinking about my favourite cocktail. How MB is my cocktail of choice - a White Russian?
--Steve


A: Of course the most famous drinker of White Russians is The Dude, man. And while we strongly endorse his attitude towards authority, drinking, drug use, casual sex, and work-life balance, we just cannot get behind the White Russian -- it's far too sweet to be a daily drinker. If you find yourself out of Pepto Bismol, however, it does make for a good emergency digestive.

Ask the MB: Jean Tailoring

Ask the MB: Jean Tailoring
Q: I have a couple of pairs of jeans that are both a bit too long. Wondering what your thoughts and advice is for bringing jeans to the tailor?
--Julius


A: It's a fact of life, superior jeans tend to be sized for folks with superior genes. Nothing too wide in the waist department, and typically with a 32-inch or 34-inch inseam. If your own legs don't measure up to that standard, you have two options. 1) Walk around as if your cuffs are trying to harbor your fugitive feet. 2) Take your jeans to a tailor. The latter is certainly OK.

Ask the MB: Mad Men Suit

Ask the MB: Mad Men Suit
Q: Two part Q, if that's ok. First - and please excuse the ignorance - I purchased a suit with the hopes of having it tailored to a slim fit (along these lines). Is that possible if the suit is not originally in that mold (it fits more so in this manner)? I have had it taken in a bit in the torso, however, I'd like the sleeves thinned out (narrower) and the shoulders to be less wide, rather more fitted to me. So I wasn't sure if the tailor was limited in ability or correct in saying that was not possible. With that comes the second part. Would MB happen to know who that suit (Roger Sterling plaid suit) is by/what style that would fall under exactly? Thanks a lot. I really appreciate all the help.
--Carlos


A: Carlos: First, your tailor is wrong. Anything can be tailored to your specifications. But stop throwing good money after bad. The suit you bought (upper left) has three buttons and therefore is not what you're going for. Second, the Roger Sterling (played by John Slattery) suit in the photograph (upper right) is by D&G and it retailed for $1,425 in August 2008. Third, Brooks Brothers has a Mad Men Edition suit designed by the show's costume designer, Janie Bryant (bottom). Finally, we have a very strict rule at magnificentbastard.com, and we hope you take it under consideration: once a TV show look is available at Brooks Brothers, it's officially post-peak.

Ask the MB: Shopping at Ross Dress for Less

Actual photo from inside Ross Dress for Less
Actual photo from inside Ross Dress for Less
Q: What is your opinion on shopping at Ross? I know that 99% of the stuff there is unusable, but occasionally you can find a hidden gem. It also seems like a good place to start if you don't have much in the pocketbook.
--Cheap Bastard


A: The nearest Ross Dress For Less (from our Pulaski, WI offices) is 491 miles away in Monaca, PA, so we're not terribly familiar with the place, though highly amusing online reviews make it sound similar to a 3rd-world bazaar, only more chaotic. And a 1% success rate is not worth it if you have to interact with The Great Unwashed in search of deals on underwear and striped sport shirts.

Do what we do: build a fire, pour yourself a glass of scotch, and click through the "Sale" links on our site's home page. There are great deals to be had from the comfort of your own home. Accompanying headbuzz just a nice bonus.

Ask the MB: V-Neck Sweaters

Ask the MB: V-Neck Sweaters
Q: Dear MB: I am writing to get your official position on a matter that arose last night between my girlfriend and I regarding sweaters: V-neck or crewneck? My girl (who claims she knows her stuff with clothing) told me to go with a crewneck and steer clear of v-necks if I am wearing a collared shirt underneath, as the V-neck would not be appropriate. I, on the otherhand, I prefer the v-neck and don't care for the crewneck, as it reminds me too much of those John McCain sport coat-sweater-tie combos that he was running around in last fall (sort of an older man's look to me). Does MB have an official preference for v-neck or crewneck sweaters, or am I just a dumb bastard for not listening to my girl?
--Ryan


A: We agree with you and not your girl. When Paul Newman died last year, we cited his v-neck-woven shirt combination as his life's greatest achievement. And just look at James Dean in a v-neck and woven. This is artful dishevelment defined.

As a side note, John McCain typically did do the coat-sweater-tie combo until, hopelessly behind late in the campaign, tried the v-neck look with disastrous results.

Ask the MB: Non-Winter Winter Coat

Ask the MB: Non-Winter Winter Coat
Q: Ok here is my question. I am looking for a winter coat but I don't want something insulated because I tend to wear a lot of wool and cashmere sweaters. Essentially I am looking for something waterproof but longer than a ski jacket but not a full length trench but still long enough to cover a sport coat. Am I SOL?
--Josh


A: Anything else? Does it have to come in black and be made in Scotland? Well in that case you're in luck! Try the classic Mackintosh. Yeah, it's $813 but it will stay in style as long as you're alive.

Ask the MB: Cock-Blocking Bartender

Ask the MB: Cock-Blocking Bartender
Q: After following your advice, my success with women has gone from about 5% to nearly 50%. It seems to have been the missing piece. Thank you! This is until recently. I was talking to a girl who loved my outfit at my favorite bar. She said it looked like I didn't even try, it just worked. At this time, a female bartender interjected that this look was my angle. The conversation was over. The bartender observed that on her own. Short of finding another bar, what suggestions do you have?
--Ken


A: A cock-blocking bartender is even worse than a cock-blocking wingman -- you're not tipping your buddy, after all. But if you've really got the "not trying thing" down, and the bartender was female, maybe she was cootch-blocking the girl you were trying to pick up. Find out fast. If the answer's "yes," your favorite bar just became a terrible place to pick up women but a great place to get free drinks. If the answer's "no," try humor. The next time the bartender interrupts your game with some play-by-play analysis, say: "Jesus, mom, back off. Can't you see I'm trying to get laid here?"

Ask the MB: Black with Brown (Again)

Black pants, black shoes. Period.
Black pants, black shoes. Period.
Q: So I work in a bank now, and the attire demands shirt and tie. I'd look a little overdone in a suit. Can I wear brown dress shoes with black dress pants? (I know the policy on strictly wearing black shoes with a black suit, but since this isn't a suit...)
--Christopher


A: Christopher, rules are definitely meant to be broken, but to break this one you have to know what you're doing. It has to be just the right black pant and brown shoe combination. In other words, if you have to ask, stick to black footwear with your black pants.

Ask the MB: Father-Son Debate

Yohji Yamamato suit via YOOX, $980.00
Yohji Yamamato suit via YOOX. $980.00.
Q: So my pop and I are having a debate which I hope you can clear up. For my 5 year anniversary my wife and I are going to dinner followed by the orchestra. I want to look like an MB so I though this is a great excuse to purchase a new suit, but my pop told me to go for 2 nice sport coats and pants as needed which would allow me to mix and match all year long. Makes sense, is he on point with this? Also, would this be acceptable wedding and funeral attire or is that where a suit would come in?
--Chris


A: It sounds like you don't just want a suit but need a suit, so we're recommending you ignore your old man and buy a suit. Choose something slightly more casual and you can flip your pop's argument right around, i.e., match the suit pants all day long with a woven shirt or knit shirt or sweater, and match the suit jacket with denim. You'll save money (well, maybe) and have something to wear to weddings and funerals.

Ask the MB: Rocker Hair

Ask the MB: Rocker Hair
So I'm 22 and in a band. I used to have long hair when I was around 18 but have since gone for a look more ... bastardly. The hair is getting kind of shaggy again and I'm told I should let it grow. I figured I'd clear it with the MB before doing something that could put my aspiring MB status into hot water. I was thinking something along the lines of Johnny Depp, but how does an MB look rock and roll while still being an MB? I'm no stranger to the €50 haircut so maintenance isn't an issue but I'm just not sure if I'll be rocking like a bastard or a magnificent flop.
--Danny


A: Danny, this really depends on the quality of your band. If your band sucks, you'll only force Johnny Depp to get a crew-cut in order to avoid embarrassing comparisons. If your band rocks, any long style will work, no €50 haircuts necessary.

Ask the MB: Mark Nason Boots

Rock & Republic Motorcycle Boots via bluefly.com, $240.00
Rock & Republic Motorcycle Boots via bluefly.com. $240.00.
Q: Are Mark Nason boots ok?
--Tom


A: We've previously weighed in on Mark Nason boots, categorizing them as TTH and a gross violation of the understatement principle. Not to mention, whenever we see someone wearing them they're usually only part of a bigger, more comprehensive toolbag look.

If it's that rocker vibe you need, try the more toned-down style of Rock & Republic. They keep the skulls and other junk on the sole. An even more understated choice that still passes as rock 'n' roll is John Varvatos, and you don't have to worry about keeping your feet off of anyone's desk.

Ask the MB: Camo Pants and Shorts

Ask the MB: Camo Pants and Shorts
Q: I am overweight and poor, and as a result I have a wardrobe that is five years old. I'm trying to make the best of it so I come to you with a question: When are camouflage pants/shorts acceptable?
--Ben


A: Two situations, Ben: 1. Protecting America's freedom, and 2. Halloween costume.

Fast for a day, take the money you would have spent on food and head to the clearance rack at Target, where you will always find multiple pairs of XXL Converse One-Star pants marked down to $10 or less.

Ask the MB: Bespoke Suit Advice

Ask the MB: Bespoke Suit Advice
Q: I am getting a bespoke suit made and I am trying to decide, notched, peaked or shawl lapel? And what about vents? One in the middle or two on the sides?
--Jon


A: In spite of recently showing Clooney in peak lapels, we'd choose notch if it were our suit. Definitely not shawl unless you're a.) making a tuxedo or b.) Goldfinger. Regarding venting, we've discussed this before and came down on the side of double vents primarily due to our severe case of Anglophilia, but single vent is a perfectly fine choice as well.

Ask the MB: College Budget Outerwear

Modified N2B Snorkel Parka  via Spiewak, $155.00
Modified N2B Snorkel Parka via Spiewak. $155.00.
Q: It's starting to get pretty chilly here in PA, and I've been looking into getting a new winter jacket for some time, but I'm not really sure as to what brand. So, what would an MB recommend for a college student, preferably within the $300 price range?
--Mike


A: Mike, if you've been reading for a while you've seen "MB Deals of the Week" on a Helmut Lang Blizzard Coat and a Rogues Gallery Snorkel Jacket, both in your price range. If you don't like those then we're going to go into broken record mode: currently the best outerwear value on the market is Spiewak, plain and simple. Check out their new fall line at their new site, and you can actually order a few styles at Nordstrom. You'll stay warm and still have enough bread left over to throw a pretty decent kegger.

Ask the MB: Scarf Dimensions

Ask the MB: Scarf Dimensions
Q: My son desperately wants the SOH Cable Hand-Knit scarf, which I absolutely cannot afford. I can, however, knit extremely well. Is there any chance you might know the dimensions of the SOH Cable Hand-Knit Scarf? My son may not be a bastard, but he is absolutely magnificent, and he would be even more magnificent wearing that scarf.
--Bonnie


A: Bonnie, a note of caution: Extravagantly doting on your son is one of the surest ways to turn him into a toolbag. But at least you're not just handing him your Bergdorf Goodman card and telling him to shop until until he gets hungry for a sandwich, which you will lovingly prepare. The SOH scarf is 72" x 12". Good luck and please use only the finest Mongolian cashmere.

Tip the MB: GQ Losing Its Touch

Tip the MB: <em>GQ</em> Losing Its Touch
Q: Have you seen this yet? GQ is on a downward spiral with their "good" fashion tips. Collar stays? Really?
--Perry


A: GQ is like a machine. Every month they need to produce x amount of words to fill a magazine, and when that happens you're bound to get some bad (and often contradictory) advice. Not to mention, Glenn O'Brien (The Style Guy) can't write everything. Collar stays aren't just out, they prevent successful artful dishevelment. Take a close look at George Clooney's beautifully disheveled collar and you can clearly see there is definitely not a collar stay.

Ask the MB: E-Cigarette

Ask the MB: E-Cigarette
Q: Can you tell me your thoughts about the ECigarette?
--Randall


A: Randall, besides being a gross violation of the principle of organic materials, the first time we saw this thing we thought it was a gag gift, on par with fake vomit and fake dog shit. Remarkably it's real (and incidentally delivers a real dose of nicotine). Can you tell how we feel? If not, we've created a useful chart below.







magnificent bastard fad/toolbag chart

Ask the MB: Canadian Tuxedo

Ask the MB: Canadian Tuxedo
Q: I'm prone to rocking the Canadian tuxedo more than most, but I've always been under the impression that the key was pairing a washed out jacket with new, crisp jeans, or vice versa OR just rocking them with different colors altogether. But lately I've been told that the denim should match as closely as possible. I think this looks like a boiler suit, or maybe a denim onesie. What's your opinion?
--Robert


A: First, we should note that funny questions always move to the front of the line. Second, we're not opposed to you "rocking" the Canadian tuxedo, but know that the degree of difficulty is extremely high. For every Heath Ledger in Brokeback Mountain there are 100 Neil Diamonds on the album cover for "Hot August Night." (And yes we know we just recommended a gay cowboy over a vintage Jewish mega-stud, but fashion's fashion.)

Ask the MB: Black with Brown

Ask the MB: Black with Brown
Q: After long debate and no conclusive answer, my friends and I decided to ask the MB gods for the final say. Black and brown together?
--Christopher


A: Brown shirt and black pants? Only if you're a UPS driver who moonlights as a member of the New Zealand All Blacks, and your shorts are in the wash.

Black shirt and brown pants? Only if you're a UPS driver who moonlights as a member of the New Zealand All Blacks, but vice versa.

Black suit with brown shoes? A black suit is useful only for weddings and funerals, and then should be paired with black shoes.

Brown suit with black shoes? Now we're getting somewhere. Though make sure the combo is appropriate by consulting the black shoes-brown pants chart.

Ask the MB: Sheer Dress Shirts

Armani Basic White Dress Shirt via Neiman Marcus, $235.00
Armani Basic White Dress Shirt via Neiman Marcus. $235.00.
Q: Are there any decent white dress shirts that are not totally see through? Friends tell me to look at the more expensive dress shirts (purportedly because of the higher "thread count"). But then I look at $250 Armani dress shirts and they are just as sheer as other shirts (if not more so). Am I just stuck wearing a t-shirt underneath everytime I put on a white dress shirt, even in the summertime?
--Richard


A: Without boring the absolute bejesus out of regular readers with a thread count discussion, the sheerness of a fabric is a combination of thread count, quality of the yarn, and weave. A fine-yarn shirt can have a high thread count (high density), cost $250, and still be sheer. You can also buy a low thread count, non see-through shirt at Burlington Coat Factory for $19.99 .

If you are opposed to wearing a shirt under your dress shirt (we strongly agree with that stance) and are hung up on sheerness, then focus on the weave rather than the thread count. Look for twill weaves or oxford weaves (but not at Burlington Coat Factory).

Ask the MB: Poor College Graduate Suit

Ask the MB: Poor College Graduate Suit
Q: I am graduating from college this semester and it puts me in the predicament of being both extremely broke and in need of a decent suit for interviews. What can a poor bastard do to pull off both conservative and MB on a budget?
--Ron


A: We're not saying we've been there, but we feel your pain. And we're going to give you our usual response: choose a two-button charcoal grey suit in either wool or cotton. You can wear it all four seasons, and to weddings and funerals, too. Unfortunately, finding a stylish, affordable grey suit isn't easy. First, check YOOX for something in your size. If that fails, we're really impressed with what J. Crew is offering. $540 is certainly more than you probably want to spend, but this is a suit you can wear for the next 10 years, at least.

UPDATE: From reader Pete we get word that J. Crew offers a 15% discount of full-price clothing, including suits.

Ask the MB: Bonobos

Bonobos pink polo via Bonobos, $68.00
Bonobos pink polo via Bonobos. $68.00.
Q: What is the MB's stance on Bonobos polos and Bonobos in general? Their polos are slim but not too slim and come just high enough above the bicep with a tight fit. However there is a small logo on the lining of the buttons near the color? Does this violate the MB policy?
--Todd


A: We don't really have a stance on Bonobos pants, though one reader did rate them very high on his own "gay factor" chart. The polos look promising. Nice sleeve length, but we could do without that piping. The logo isn't really a big deal because you can choose "matching logo," and if you follow the MB n-2 buttoning policy (as shown by the model pictured) you'd be hard-pressed to even display it.

Ask the MB: Vintage Jaguar or Vintage BMW

Ask the MB: Vintage Jaguar or Vintage BMW
Q: Pardon me if this is out of your normal realm. But I am about to turn 17 and am in need of a car. I have it narrowed down to an '80s era BMW 325i convertible, or an '80s era Jaguar XJ6, and I just can't make up my mind. Please help.
--Adam


A: Adam, you're new around here, aren't ya? This is a no-brainer, and not just because the Jaguar was made in England (see previous posts about Anglophilia). It's more obscure, consumes more gas, and will only run when the sun is fully shining. All the BMW has going for it is the convertible, which is only useful to achieve superbly artfully disheveled hair.

Ask the MB: Tropical Southeast Asian Attire

Ask the MB: Tropical Southeast Asian Attire
Q: I live in a tropical South East Asian country with temperature averaging between 31 to 34C in the day. How would a MB dress here?
--Sebastian


A: Would it be Indonesia by chance? Even if you're only living in the vicinity, rent 1982's The Year of Living Dangerously and then study Mel Gibson's wardrobe. Unbuttoned double cargo pocket shirts (tucked in of course), flat-front khakis, and perfect sleeve-rolling. Accessorize with cigarettes and/or Sigourney Weaver and you're good to go.

Ask the MB: Resort Casual Suggestions

Ask the MB: Resort Casual Suggestions
Q: How can a 36 year old male dress in resort casual without looking too metrosexual, preppy or like a Tommy Bahama wanna-be?
--Mollee


A: From top to bottom:

Knit Shirt: Polo with sleeves that hit at about the middle of the bicep. No logos if possible, especially none with the name of your country club or a high-end public course he recently played. Be sure to follow the polo shirt button rule.

Woven Shirt: At least one in white, of course. Unpressed. Just take it out of the dryer and go. Not buttoned-down. If it's not specifically designed to be worn untucked, have him tuck it in.

Sweater: Fine gauge v-neck cashmere. Period. On cool nights have him toss this over the polo or the woven and let his shirt collar just do what it wants to do.

Pants: No pleats. No creases. No linen. Khakis with patch pockets are a solid choice. Only denim if it's dark and dressed up, like Theory. Shorts OK too, but when the sun goes down remember the rule: pants only.

Footwear: Plimsolls or Jack Purcells. Sandals or flip-flops (but only if they're made from organic materials).

The Feet Themselves: If he chooses the sandal/flip-flop route, remember this rule about feet: If you wouldn't put his toe in your mouth, you need to convince him to get a pedicure.

Ask the MB: Extra Buttons

Ask the MB: Extra Buttons
Q: I have a 100% Rayon sport shirt that has two buttons at the bottom. This shirt is made to be worn on the outside of your pants. Do I leave the buttons on or remove them? I know these are extra buttons but I don't know what the style is in regards to leaving them on or not.
--Tom


A: Tom, do not confuse laziness with style. If you were born with extra nipples, well, maybe you could leave them on, because removing them would require a scalpel, some high-quality booze, and it would still be really painful. Buttons, however, can be snipped with a common pair of scissors.

Ask the MB: Is Roger Federer a Magnificent Bastard?

Juan Martin del Potro (top) and Ralph Macchio
Juan Martin del Potro (top) and Ralph Macchio
Q: Is Roger Federer a Magnificent Bastard?
--Cosgrove


A: In the past there's been a lot to place Federer firmly in MB territory. He doesn't sweat, he doesn't grunt like an animal on every groundstroke, and even when he gets destroyed (see 2008 French vs. Nadal) he's so graceful it looks like he's actually winning.

But the last year has given us pause. He cried like a baby at the Australian, looked like a waiter at Wimbledon, and last night whined about the foolproof electronic line calling system after losing to a Slam finals rookie who dresses like The Karate Kid.

Ask the MB: Corduroy OK?

Ask the MB: Corduroy OK?
Q: Corduroy pants, yea (suggestions?) or nay?
--Nathan


A: Corduroy pants are staple of any fall wardrobe. Wear with confidence. Except, of course, for cordarounds. Here are three brands we've worn the cord right off:

Top: John Varvatos. Unfortunately these are a little difficult to find at the moment, but worth the search. Try eBay.

Middle: Barney's Co-Op. Barney's Co-Op house brand stuff is really good and these five-pocket cords are totally worth $125.

Bottom: Banana Republic. This isn't exactly inspired on our part, yet for $60 Banana cords never disappoint.

Ask the MB: What Happened to Clark's Register?

A Robert Graham shirt
A Robert Graham shirt
Q: Hey MB--I always enjoyed thinking about buying something from Clark's Register--now they are gone. What happened?
--Ray


A: What happened is the owner died in 2004. The new owners did not have John Clark's aesthetic or vision and the store slowly started circling the drain. They consistently lost money, couldn't find investors, and finally euthanized it two weeks ago.

It's too bad, because Clark's Register carved out a niche that no one was really serving. Once, the store subscribed to the very sound principle that you can never have too many white shirts. Unfortunately, that evolved into a far more diabolical belief system: That you can never have too many Robert Graham shirts.

Ask the MB: Boots for Harsh NYC Winter

Red Wing Classic Work Boot via Berdorf Goodman, $230.00
Red Wing Classic Work Boot via Berdorf Goodman. $230.00.
Q: I live in New York and am beginning to think about the harsh winter snow and ice set to arrive in the coming months. I don't like Tingley's or galoshes so what is an MB boot to wear during the winter months that looks decent with a suit and good with jeans? Red Wing? Bass?
--Miles


A: Now that Red Wing boots have arrived at Bergdorf Goodman, we suppose that look has arrived in public as well. We're just not buying it, except, of course, to chop wood or build a barbed wire fence. Chalk one up to the marketing folks at Red Wing for a nice rebranding/repositioning, but avoid this soon-to-be short-lived trend and instead take a look at some of the new Prada options at bluefly. Sure, they are 2x or 3x as expensive as the Red Wings, but there is a high likelihood you'll still be wearing them in ten years. We've seen it happen. And they're flexible enough to work with a suit or jeans.

Ask the MB: Cigars

Ask the MB: Cigars
Q: Every MB enjoys a luxury once in a while, but I notice that you haven't given us any opinions on one that every true MB must indulge in at some point: the cigar. The occasional cigar, that is -- I don't foresee a need for a stockpile of cigars, and humidors reek of toolbaggery if you're younger than 50 anyway, right? Can you give this MB a basic cigar education, as well as some tips on good brands that won't break the bank for that special indulgence? Much appreciated.
--Max


A: On the one hand, Max, cigars are just an organic version of a Bluetooth headset or a pair of Oakleys -- a prop that shouts "Toolbag!" louder than Billy Mays trying to sell you spray paint for your lawn. On the other hand, they've got an unimpeachable pedigree -- beloved by sages, revolutionaries, statesmen, and tycoons alike. In recent decades, however, interlopers have fouled the waters. We're not saying you can't smoke a cigar -- not even an asshole as big as Rush Limbaugh can get between an MB and his pleasures. But use discretion. As our chart below shows, cigars are currently on a downward arc. Regarding specific choices, our own tastes run more toward medical marijuana. But a retailer whose judgement we endorse, On the Fly, offers sampler packs starting at $50.

History of the Cigar

Ask the MB: Boat Shoes

Ask the MB: Boat Shoes
Q: Boat shoes -- yea or nay?
--Charles


A: We think boat shoes are fine, but encourage you to wear them only if you're actually on a boat or headed toward one. As for specifics, we all know the default choice when talk turns to boat shoes. Paul Sperry invented the category in 1935; the Top-Sider is an American classic. But so is Donald Trump and we don't want him anywhere near our feet. We don't feel quite so strongly about Top-Siders ... we've even given them a conditional thumbs-up in the past. But if you're in the market for something whose style is a little more amphibious, check out these Puma Decker slip-ons. We also like the Harrys of London Blake in dark tan, which is to the Top-Sider what ScarJo is to Marilyn Monroe, a more streamlined update to a tried-and-true design.


Ask the MB: Bread Loaf Tying Technique

Ask the MB: Bread Loaf Tying Technique
Q: What is the MB preferred method for closing a loaf of bread? The twistie tie or the spin and tuck?
--Don


A: When it comes to bread, we prefer no bags at all, just bungee cords. A note of caution: Don't get too inspired by this photo and start wearing a beret. They're worse than bagged bread.

Ask the MB: Trench Tying Technique

Ask the MB: Trench Tying Technique
Q: How should an MB tie his trench coat belt? I really don't like the way people buckle it at the back. And not having a belt doesn't seem like a good choice either.
--Cole


A: If your trench coat comes with a belt (and that's OK but we prefer beltless) there is only one way to tie it: in an artfully disheveled double knot just like the MB's MB.

Ask the MB: Salvaging a Gray Suit

Ask the MB: Salvaging a Gray Suit
Q: I have a matching gray vest and suit jacket that was once part of a three piece (the pants ripped). Is it MB to wear the top two pieces with pants of a different color? Perhaps black pants? Please advise.
--Gideon


A: No, don't do that. In fact, don't even hang the jacket and vest near each other in your closet. Their relationship is over.

We're not huge fans of this look, but you can salvage the vest by pairing it with denim and a white shirt. The jacket, on the other hand, is probably a lost cause. Since it was once part of a 3-piece suit, it's almost certainly not going to have a cut that works with denim. And combining with dress slacks is a look that should be left to middle-aged men attending Sunday service. Feel good about yourself and donate that jacket to the nearest Salvation Army -- it will help some recently laid off Christian maintain his churchly style even in the midst of financial hardship.

Ask the MB: Thom Browne Suit With Shorts

Ask the MB: Thom Browne Suit With Shorts
Q: Should Thom Brown have his right to produce men's fashion revoked, or is it ever ok for an MB to look like THIS???
--Javier


A: As far as we can tell, Thom Browne's primary contributions to fashion are:

1. suits with capri pants, and

2. suits with shorts.

If you're a wee man who wants to flaunt his weeness, then Thom Browne is your god. This particular get-up makes him look like a tiny, hairy puppet IBM invented to sell toner cartridges to yacht clubs. We sincerely do not get it.

Ask the MB: Sarong

Ask the MB: Sarong
Q: In the right setting (think a beach in cabarete, Dominican Republic) and in the right make (Ralph Lauren, navy), can one manage bastardly magnificence in a sarong? I like to wear mine late in the day as the sun dips beyond an ocean horizon, but my lovely wife doesn't find it, well, all that groovy.
--Tune


A: If the penalty for not wearing a sarong is being boiled alive and then eaten by men who are wearing a sarong, we reluctantly endorse wearing a sarong. In all other cases, shorts during the day, pants at night.

Ask the MB: Tucked T-Shirt

Ask the MB: Tucked T-Shirt
Q: I know your policy on tucking in polo shirts, but how about t-shirts? Marlon Brando had them tucked in in A Streetcar Named Desire, but I believe he was wearing undershirts. Is this something that can be pulled off?
--Dave


A: While the current dominant style is untucked, we think you can tuck if you like, and Marlon Brando, James Dean, and Steve McQueen agree with us. A couple of other thoughts on the matter:

* Any t-shirt that makes it into your wardrobe should look good untucked as well as tucked. In other words, if you're tucking because your t-shirt is too long or too wide at the bottom, you should demote that t-shirt to garage rag.

* Take a close look at Brando in A Streetcar Named Desire and you'll see he's actually demonstrating the MB-endorsed artfully disheveled tuck. (Avoid the rip, though -- that's a little too Flashdance.)

Ask the MB: Barefoot at Dinner Party

Ask the MB: Barefoot at Dinner Party
Q: I'm going to a dinner party at a friend's house. All my summer shoes of course, I wear without socks. Is it appropriate to be barefoot if they ask you to take off your shoes? What's the etiquette on that?
--Phil


A: In survey after survey throughout the 20th century, people have named Gandhi as the guest they'd most like to have at their summer party. In other words, as long as you don't start any fights and generally project a serene vibe, you should be fine. Furthermore, a genetically superior set of toes combined with a recent pedicure look better than any pair of shoes.

Ask the MB: Groin Grooming

Ask the MB: Groin Grooming
Q: My girl trims downstairs, should us guys tidy up? I'm not saying a full wax, I'm just saying...
--Greg


A: As a rule, we're extremely wary of style trends popularized by male porn stars. But if your overgrowth is interfering with your girl's sexual pleasure, well, there are very few opportunities in life where you can come off as sensitive and considerate when your real goal is a blowjob. Break out the trimmers.

Ask the MB: Opera Pumps

Also, it doesn't hurt to have Dean Martin as an accessory
Also, it doesn't hurt to have Dean Martin as an accessory
Q: They fall under all of your MB rules: matte, history, pedigree and tradition: Calf leather opera pumps. On occasions when you have to wear black tie are they the better alternative to the shiny, plastic and cheap looking patent leather oxfords? Cary Grant wore them, and so did Sinatra. What say you?
--Sean


A: If you had a face like Cary Grant, or a voice like Frank Sinatra, you can get away with calf leather opera pumps, because no one will be paying much attention to your feet. Otherwise, avoid. Either way, never let anyone hear you say the phrase "calf leather opera pumps" out loud.

Ask the MB: Hawaiian Themed Wedding

Ask the MB: Hawaiian Themed Wedding
Q: My aunt and soon-to-be uncle have chosen the following dress code for their wedding:

"Nice shorts or slacks and Aloha/Hawaiian shirt and flip flops or comfortable shoes."

This might be the most un-MB thing I have ever heard. Do I have ANY options? Other than disowning?
--Pat


A: Suck it up, complete the outfit by draping a camera around your neck, and send us photos. We want to see the bride and groom's matching Hawaiian garb.

Ask the MB: Rocking Shoes

Ask the MB: Rocking Shoes
Q: I'm shopping for some new boots and or shoes that I can wear to work. I work in the music industry so, stylish is not only acceptable but encouraged. What do you think about the Clarks desert boot? Or Robert Wayne's "Crue." I have a strong suspicion that the "Crue" doesn't have a clue about MB status.
--Sethro


A: Sethro, it depends on how loudly the music you work with is typically played. Clarks desert boots meet just about every MB principle: They have a pedigree, they're Anglophilic, they're matte, and Steve McQueen wore them (top). But can you see Spinal Tap rocking "Sex Farm" or "Swallow My Love" in 'em? Exactly. This is where the Robert Waynes come in (bottom). Yeah, they're square-toed and shiny with an ugly Fleur de Lys design and an even uglier pirate on the sole, but you need something similar if your bands' amps go past 10.

Ask the MB: Checkbook Cover

Ask the MB: Checkbook Cover
Q: First of all, I love your site. Your advice as led to (too) many purchases as of late. What does an MB use as a checkbook cover? It can't be the freebie from the bank.
--Kyle


A: Kyle, thanks for the kind words, but we haven't written a check since the Clinton administration. Even if you still write a few, we recommend doing it in the privacy of your own home, with the curtains drawn. In other words, no cover required.

Ask the MB: Hairy Back

Ask the MB: Hairy Back
Q: Magnificent Bastardom is difficult when you've been dealt the hairy back card... and not just a little fuzz -- I could pass for Chewbacca's Uncle if unkept. I shave it as often as I can, even use Men's Nair on it once in while. Since upkeep time resources are significant, I do cheat once in awhile and just trim the back of my neck. I've been thinking of accepting my fate and allowing some hair to grow as it is more work to maintain my hairy back than maintain my lawn. Is it acceptable to have a 'trimmed' hairy back? [Maintained and cut short with am electric trimmer -- versus smooth and stubble free.] Any suggestions on back hair abatement tools?
--BearBack in Minneapolis


A: Shaving your own back? That must require a special modification to a Gillette MACH 3 or flexibility on par with Plastic Man.

And by the way, why are you maintaining your own lawn? Do you have something against illegal aliens? We're thinking that you might even be able to get a lawn/back maintenance combo deal -- if your back hair is as thick as you say it is, it's possible only a weed whacker can truly do the trick, and let's face it, in this economy, illegal aliens are in no position to be too picky about the jobs they accept.

All kidding aside, the only solution is a series of laser treatments. Yes they are costly and painful, but in the long run cheaper than razors or moonlighting gardeners.

Ask the MB: Hawaiian Drinks

Ask the MB: Hawaiian Drinks
Q: What's an MB's breakfast drink? Mimosas seem unbastardly, so what are we to have with our mid morning breakfast when we're sailing in Hawaii?
--Tripp


A: Tripp, a few thoughts:

1. Mimosas are for women.
2. While we've given lukewarm special dispensation for Tommy Bahama camp shirts while on the Hawaiian Islands, we don't for Hawaiian Island-y cocktails while you're there. Continental U.S. cocktail rules still apply: no blenders, no pastels, no straws, no flowers, and absolutely positively no umbrellas.
3. Make it a Bloody Mary. And easy on the bloody.

Ask the MB: Going Gray

Ask the MB: Going Gray
Q: How does the MB view going gray or in my case white around the temples? Must I go to a salon for a pro dye job or are there any good product that I can use at home?
--John


A: Neither! Graying temples are like an accessory from God. Rock 'em while you can, like George Clooney did 10 years ago (top). And as the gray takes over the rest of your mane, resist your temptation for coloration. Going gray naturally is the MB way. Dyeing is best left to Las Vegas performers and Billy Mays.

Ask the MB: Leather Jacket

Ask the MB: Leather Jacket
Q: Fall season is upon us, and I really need to get a leather jacket. Recently, GQ did a piece on popular leather jackets for the upcoming season but I wasn't sold on any of them. Where can I get a timeless leather jacket that won't break the bank? How about this one from Banana Republic?
--Christopher


A: We weren't sold on them either, Christopher, and we're not really sold on that BR jacket (bottom) you're suggesting, either. It's just one epaulette away from Members Only.

Unfortunately, Arthur Fonzerelli's most lasting cultural influence was irreparable damage to the leather motorcycle jacket. He's basically the sun, and that BR jacket is the equivalent of wearing Icarus's wax and feathers. And we all know how that turned out.

To avoid his fate, look for something non-black with texture, either in the form of quilting or washing or nappa. This Salvatore Ferragamo quilted leather bomber isn't just timeless, it's an heirloom. And probably a bank-breaker, too. If that's too rich, try this Diesel charcoal leather field jacket. Exactamundo!

Ask the MB: Cane

Ask the MB: Cane
Q: I recently broke my pelvis and back in a motorcycle accident because some unmagnificent bastard decided to turn left without using his blinker. Thus, I am handicapped. Soon I will be able to walk again with the use of a cane. Where can a 21 year old guy go about looking for an MB-approved cane?
--Brandon


A: Sorry, Brandon. The only more annoying (and in your case dangerous) driver behavior than lack of turn indication is driving in the left-hand lane. Move over, asshole! (Please visit slowertraffickeepright.com for more information on this important matter.)

Sorry, we digress. What you need is what's called a "system" cane, one that has a dual purpose or function, like cane+knife or cane+gun, or our recommendation: cane+flask. As usual, vintage trumps new so keep your eyes on eBay. Otherwise, both Fashionablecanes.com and Target.com (!) have some options that will keep you upright. Or depending on what's in the flask, not.

Ask the MB: Pedicure Alternative

Ask the MB: Pedicure Alternative
Q: If you have nasty feet and shouldn't be wearing sandals, what do you recommend with shorts? Some Pumas with low socks? Thanks.
--Chris


A: Over the last three decades, thousands of Vietnamese immigrants have journeyed across oceans in boats we'd be afraid to board in a wading pool just to make your feet presentable in sandals. Get a pedicure! And if you think that sounds kind of girly, do you know who else gets pedicures? Lions! Well, circus lions anyway. And if it's man enough for them, it's man enough for you too.

And what if you have some kind of physical deformity a pedi can't cure? You're on the right track. We prefer anything vintage from Puma, Tretorn, Adidas, with no-show socks or none at all. You'd have a hard time going wrong picking just about anything from Classic Sport Shoes' Adidas Originals page.

Ask the MB: Plantar Fasciitis

Ask the MB: Plantar Fasciitis
Q: I am fully on board with your preference for vintage sneakers (Jack Purcells, etc.) for casual wear and would like to get on board. There's just one problem: I have plantar fasciitis, and my podiatrist says it won't get better if I wear unsupportive shoes. By supportive, he means shoes with a 3/4 length nylon shank built into the mid sole - i.e. a shoe that has a rigid arch. I can't seem to find any casual sneakers with this feature. There are plenty of running/athletic shoes out there, but they are only MB approved for their intended function. Are there any MB approved shoes that I can wear to the ballpark, rock concert, the beach, etc that will give me the support I need?
--Mark


A: What the hell do we look like? Dr. Scholl?

A few weeks ago when the Washington Post wrote about the demise of Crocs (and George Clooney being their only hope), several commenters were crushed by the news because Crocs were the only thing that relieved their plantar fasciitis. Some additional Googling and it seems to be true: Crocs help plantar fasciitis. So we say get a pair, wrap them in silver duct tape, and if anyone asks about what the heck is on your feet, tell them they came recommended by Dr. Scholl.

Ask the MB: Rolex Band

Ask the MB: Rolex Band
Q: Hi, I inherited a vintage 1950s stainless Rolex Oyster that looks almost identical to this photo. Would you recommend the standard stainless Oyster band for this baby or perhaps a black nylon strap?
--Chris


A: This watch can only be worn with the stainless bracelet. Why? Because the dial is silver. After a couple of recent watch/band questions it's time we simply and clearly state the rule: a black nylon strap is allowed only if your watch's dial is black.

Ask the MB: Vintage Omega Constellation

Ask the MB: Vintage Omega Constellation
Q: I've got a 1960 gold faced Omega Constellation that I just repaired. Do I understand correctly that gold faced watches are more formal than darker faced watches? If so, could you please recommend a good band to dress it down suitably? Perhaps a matte black nylon number?
--Will


A: First, gold-faced is certainly dressier than dark-faced. Second, putting a nylon band on this watch would the equivalent of putting snowtires on a limosine. Finally, while we prefer silver over gold, you own a cool watch. Just put a black leather band on it and enjoy at the next wedding/funeral/church service.

Ask the MB: Ray-Ban Clubmaster Sunglasses

Ask the MB: Ray-Ban Clubmaster Sunglasses
Q: What do you think of the Ray-Ban Clubmaster sunglasses? (http://www.amazon.com/Ray-Ban-3016-Clubmaster-Sunglasses/dp/B000GWU87M) All the celebrities seem to be wearing them. In or out?
--J


A: If by "all the celebrities" you mean Twilight series star Robert Pattinson, then you're right. He doesn't leave home without them. But just like Pattinson is at peak, so are the Ray-Ban Clubmaster, and you want to stay on the left side of the trend curve.

Ask the MB: Truck or Motorcycle?

Ask the MB: Truck or Motorcycle?
Q: I am going to be coming home after a year long deployment to Afghanistan later this year and I am planning on buying a vehicle and would like your thoughts. It's down to either a 2009 Triumph Bonneville or a 1970s International Harvester Scout II (with no top). Both of them have a senseless lack of utility because they aren't driveable in the rain and are also completely impractical. I think the Bonneville has a little more understatement going for it and Steve McQueen used to ride one, but the Scout is more exclusive because it's older and it has a much higher chance of constantly breaking down. What are your thoughts?
--Blake


A: Blake, we have an unhealthy (and expensive) obsession with vintage International Harvester trucks -- we have one on the farm in Pulaski -- so it's an easy call. But even if we didn't we'd still vote IH because everything else being equal, vintage always trumps new.

Stay safe, brother.

Ask the MB: Polo Shirt Buttoning Policy

Ask the MB: Polo Shirt Buttoning Policy
Q: Polo shirt buttons. Buttoned to the top? Button the bottom one? Keep 'em all open? I'm thinking keep them open or button the bottom depending on how far down the shirt they go. What is MB polo shirt buttoning policy?
--Jay


A: Buttoned to the top? Most definitely not. Too reminiscent of Ed Grimley (albeit in a woven) or certain toolbaggish PGA tour players. Otherwise, Jay, you've basically got it. The Official Magnificent Bastard Polo Shirt Buttoning Policy is as follows:

n - 2


Where n equals the number of buttons. A fully unbuttoned Lacoste polo (2 buttons) looks perfect. A fully unbuttoned J.Crew polo (3 buttons) looks a shade TTH, which is why it's displayed on their site in n-2.

Ask the MB: Proper Bedding

Ask the MB: Proper Bedding
Q: I am updating my room and I need to find some magnificent new bedding. Could you recommend any sites or places to shop?
--Don


A: Of course. Any place you spend 8 hours sleeping and an additional 2-3 minutes for occasional extra-curricular activities needs to be fully MB-ed. Here are our recommendations:

Comforter: Overstock.com is the best place to find a comforter. Down, of course. Great selection and you can find exactly the size and warmth level you want.

Pillows: Ikea. Simultaneously cheap and good. Down, of course. Grab a 50¢ hot dog on the way out.

Sheets (summer): High thread-count Tencel from Bed Bath & Beyond. This is made from the pulp of eucalyptus trees, and has a very pleasant "cool" feeling on a night when the A/C is on the fritz.

Sheets (winter): It will be here before you know it. High thread-count cotton from Target. People swear by this stuff and we're with 'em.

Ask the MB: Dark Dress Shirts With Suits and Ties

Ask the MB: Dark Dress Shirts With Suits and Ties
Q: Is it MB to wear a dark shirt (think black, navy blue, brown) and a tie with a suit? MB-in-training in crisis as I have a number of nice, dark shirts and don't feel right wearing em with suits and ties.
--Moshe


A: Moshe, your instincts are strong. If you combine dark shirts with suits, the good news is that you are all but guaranteed to become a huge success in the entertainment industry. The bad news is on the left.

Ask the MB: Pant Creases

Never wear pants that can moonlight as letter openers.
Never wear pants that can moonlight as letter openers.
Q: Most of my slacks don't have pleats, but my dry cleaner still presses them with a center crease. I prefer no crease for a clean flat front, and instruct the dry cleaner to press "no crease" - but they can't get it right. Every time they press a pant I have them redone without the crease. Is my dry cleaner stuck in 1980 or do I need to adjust my no-crease look?
--Moxie


A: Moxie, your style instincts are good, but we have doubts about your resolve. If your dry cleaner can coerce you into changing your style, what is going to happen when you have a wife?

We are strongly anti-crease in virtually all situations, and don't even consider buying pants unless we think we can get the crease out. You need to get your dry cleaner on the no-crease plan or find a new one who is completely fluent in English. They will be lazier than newly arrived immigrants looking to impress, and happy to keep your pants creaseless.

Ask the MB: European MB Shopping

Ask the MB: European MB Shopping
Q: Hi, really love the site and the advice. Unfortunately lots of things you advise or link to is for US only (e.g. J.Crew). Can you advise a good shopping website for a MB living in Europe?
--Francesco


A: Francisco, thanks for placing your trust in us -- we are always happy to do our part to promote U.S. cultural imperialism, even if it's by way of clothes designed by Frenchmen and manufactured by the Chinese. Yoox.com ships anywhere.

Ask the MB: Wedding Pocket Square

Ask the MB: Wedding Pocket Square
Q: I'm in an upcoming wedding, and we're wearing pocket squares. Any suggestions on how to fold those suckers like an MB?
--Mike


A: Mike, we've covered this before and stand by the advice given: apply Occam's Razor and keep it simple with either a one-point or flat fold. Even moreso for a wedding because those photographs have a way of lingering on mantles, walls, side tables, and Facebook -- and those two options have best stood the test of time.

Top: Ol' Blue Eyes with some youthful indiscretion.

Bottom: More mature Sinatra goes artfully disheveled, timeless.

Ask the MB: 17 Inch Laptop Bag

Ask the MB: 17 Inch Laptop Bag
Q: I used to carry my 15 inch laptop in a black leather John Varvatos shoulder bag (pictured) with an added padded sleeve for protection. However due to work reasons I moved up to the 17 inch laptop. The ugly stick smacks incredibly hard on the choices for what to carry around a 17 inch laptop around in, and I dislike wearing backpacks. Any suggestions of what may be acceptable. My only thought is that I may have to go back to the 15 inch laptop for my dignity.
--Bruce


A: Bruce, you're answering your own question. (And, man, we love those types of questions. Ask us another!) The fact that you can't find a stylish bag for a 17" laptop, well, the universe is telling you something. Allow us to translate: The only people who regularly lug around 17-inch laptops are thieves stealing 17-inch laptops. They usually use a burlap sack. We recommend you stick with a 15-inch laptop or smaller, and regain your lost dignity. Not to mention, the bag you already own is fucking gorgeous.

Ask the MB: Tie Positioning

Ask the MB: Tie Positioning
Q: So, you're wearing the dangly tie, you've suddenly got a lot of bending over to do - potential interference with others involved... What is your position on tie-tucking? In the pocket? Into the shirt a couple of buttons down? Not at all?!
--Mark


A: Either you're the most formal heart surgeon in the world (in which case we encourage you to opt for a more casual look that keeps your patients' aortas clear of highly infectious repp ties). Or you're nailing a co-worker, in which case we encourage you to tuck your tie in between two shirt buttons. You don't want to lose a nooner who doesn't even ask you to take your shirt off to a long-term disability claim.

Ask the MB: Col. Kilgore's Sunglasses in Apocalypse Now

'Lance, I bet you can't wait to get out there. See, you can break both ways. One guy can break right, one left simultaneous. What do you think of that?'
'Lance, I bet you can't wait to get out there. See, you can break both ways. One guy can break right, one left simultaneous. What do you think of that?'
Q: What brand and model of sunglasses does Robert Duvall's character, Col. Kilgore, wear in Apocalypse Now? Searching for those for a while and can't figure them out.
--Jason


A: We had a strong hunch they were Randolph Engineering aviators, and after contacting their marketing department yesterday, confirmed it. They're $99 and available here. But fair warning: these really work best for Col. and above.

(See previous post regarding Kilgore's slightly less-successful dogtag and bracelet accessorization.)

Ask the MB: Sleeve Rolling

Ask the MB: Sleeve Rolling
Q: Is there a proper way to roll up your sleeves?
--Ben


A: There most certainly is. In fact, we chalked up John McCain's loss last November to deficient sleeve-rolling (as well as ironic over-accessorizing).

First, placement: you want to put them up past your elbows, like you're ready to give blood. Second, how you get there is crucial. A repetitive push-and-roll technique is required. As you turn the sleeve, simultaneously push it up your arm and repeat until it's past your elbow to achieve the perfect amount of artful dishevelment.

Ask the MB: Five O'Clock Shadow

Ask the MB: Five O'Clock Shadow
Q: Really enjoying your site. What's your view on facial hair? Specifically, the perpetual five o'clock shadow? I realize we are well past the days of Miami Vice, but I think you can be MB if you keep it neat (figuratively speaking) and pair it with an appropriate contrast (e.g. with a suit).
--AP


A: AP, we see where you're going with the contrast idea, but consider this: the reason why Don Johnson never quite looked right is that he was otherwise so perfectly styled -- you can practically smell his cologne from this photograph -- that the five o'clock shadow looked affected. Any man who can find time for highlights can certainly find time to shave.

It works for Jason Statham, on the other hand, because it looks like he probably slept in those clothes, and reeks of cigarette smoke, bourbon, and possibly blood. Our recommendation: if you are absolutely nowhere near a razor blade for long enough to acquire stubble, then it's permitted (e.g. hostage situatons, elevator breakdowns, desert island plane wrecks.) Otherwise, shave or carry a big gun wherever you go, so it's clear you're not a gigolo.

Ask the MB: Scottish Wedding

Ask the MB: Scottish Wedding
Q: My husband is walking his sister down the aisle and the groom/groomsmen are wearing blackwatch plaid kilts. Not interested in the kilt thing, but what about a blackwatch plaid necktie with his black suit? Thanks.
--Nicole


A: Nicole, your instincts are strong. That's the perfect nod to a tradition that's best left to real Scots.

Ask the MB: Small Wrists

Timex Military Watch via J.Crew, $150.00
Timex Military Watch via J.Crew. $150.00.
Q: I have a problem. It's called small wrists. 40mm watches are too big, but 30-36mm are good. Everything you've suggested so far (Westcoastime, etc...) have watches that are way too big for me. Can you suggest something smaller for us skinnier folk? And under $400?
--Alan J.


A: To be clear, the gem of a watch we recently recommended from Westcoastime is 39mm and we bet would look fine on your wrist. But if that's still too big, J.Crew is selling a Timex military-inspired 36mm watch that passes muster and is just $150.

Ask the MB: Animal Print Patterns

Ask the MB: Animal Print Patterns
Q: My inner caveman has to ask: is it ever appropriate to wear clothing or accessories with animal-print patterns?
--Pierlo


A: Roy is wearing gallons of hair gel, approximately $30,000 worth of unconvincing plastic surgery, and a couple of blinged-out crosses even MC Hammer would dismiss as tacky, and you know what? His jacket is still the worst thing in this picture. Which is all you need to know about wearing animal-print patterns. We do endorse wearing animals, however -- but not on your face, while they're still alive.

Ask the MB: Wedding Officiant

Ask the MB: Wedding Officiant
Q: I am the officiant of a wedding at the end of July, the ceremony will be held in the mountains at around 5pm, and I'm having a hard time deciding on a black or grey suit. Any quick suggestions? Also, shirt/tie color combinations would be very helpful. Thanks.
--Mackenzie


A: As a regular attendee, we'd argue in favor of khaki. But since you're the guy reading the vows the objectives are:

A. to not overshadow the groom, and
B. to not be mistaken for a priest

That leaves grey as our recommendation, with white shirt and neutral tie. Think Cary Grant in North by Northwest.

Ask the MB: Tommy Bahama Shorts

Ask the MB: Tommy Bahama Shorts
Q: Based on this link I'm pretty sure this proves that plaid shorts are post-peak. I've loved my plaid shorts from Penguin and the like for 3 or 4 years now but I think the style is over. What are alternatives for shorts in summer if Tommy Bahama has taken to plaid short production?
--Bradley


A: One word, Bradley: jorts (top).

Just like Eddie Van Halen's toolbaggish, sleep-inducing, fret-jerking in "Beat It" couldn't kill the guitar solo, Tommy Bahama can't kill plaid. Next season they'll be back to florals (bottom). Wear the Penguins and the like without fear.

Ask the MB: Map Bag

Briggs & Riley Baseline Map Bag via eBags.com, $85.00
Briggs & Riley Baseline Map Bag via eBags.com. $85.00.
Q: I'm a college kid that has recently started working. I need a bag that I can take to work that's small -- to carry stuff like my mp3 player, headphones, a sandwich, and my water bottle. For the past few months, I've been using the Briggs & Riley Map Bag (in black), here. Is this MB? I don't want a full size messenger or a briefcase because I'm not really carrying that much stuff. Suggestions?

A: A map bag? Are you planning an invasion?

This looks a little man-pursey to us, though you've chosen wisely from the Briggs & Riley collection. The rest of it has a fatal case of Tumi-itus. But why the bag in the first place? What MP3 player is so big it needs a bag? You can slip a small, cell phone-like device into the front pocket of your pants or the interior pocket of your blazer (the preferred MB method) and you're good to go. Carrying a sandwich around with you all day is a health hazard, a style faux pas, and technologically obsolete -- just make sure your device of choice has an app to find the nearest restaurant. And also an app to find the nearest drinking fountain.

Ask the MB: Brad Pitt Glasses

Ask the MB: Brad Pitt Glasses
Q: I really like the glasses Brad Pitt wears in "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" and was wondering if you knew where to get a pair of similar looking specs.
--Michael


A: Pitt's character is wearing an old P3 wire frame (a.k.a. Marshwood). It was at peak popularity in the 1930s and 40s. All the big american frame companies had a version during that time (American Optical, Artcraft, Bausch & Lomb, Shuron), so you will easily be able to find them on eBay or your local antique store. Besides Benjamin Button, Lennon and Truman are among past prominent wearers of this style.

Ask the MB: Hawaiian Hat

Block Degas Fedora via Village Hat Shop, $53.00
Block Degas Fedora via Village Hat Shop. $53.00.
Q: I'm heading to Hawaii in a couple of weeks (for leisure) and I'm starting to think about what to bring. Keeping the luggage level to carry-on is a must, but I need to pack a hat. Where can I find something that could pack easily, but wouldn't look like I'm looking for the nearest trout stream?
--Joe


A: Joe, you're really visiting Hawaii in July? Can you reschedule for January? Either way, a hat is a good idea and a brand we really like is Block Headwear. They really get the "classic with a twist" aesthetic we dig. Several of their spring/summer straw hats are crushable, like the Degas fedora. (And their tag can easily be removed.)

(See previous posts on Hawaii travel.)

Ask the MB: Lunch Pail

Ask the MB: Lunch Pail
Q: Is there a MB way to carry one's lunch to work (retro tin lunchbox, insulated bag, brown bag, grocery bag, etc.)? Please enlighten me.
--Bryan


A: If you are getting to work before lunch, you are working too hard. If in fact you are working that hard, at least treat yourself to a nice leisurely meal at a restaurant, with a waitress. If you can't afford a restaurant, then we suggest you bring your lunch to work in a bottle of Dewar's.

Ask the MB: Dress - Casual Crossover Shoes

Puma Black Label black leather 'Speedcat Re-Luxe' sneakers via bluefly.com, $168.00
Puma Black Label black leather 'Speedcat Re-Luxe' sneakers via bluefly.com. $168.00.
Q: So I've been searching for a pair of black shoes for around 2 months now. My initial thought was something between casual and dressy. I would like to have the flexibility to wear them with jeans or a pair of nice pants. Any MB help/recommendations would be great.
--Chris


A: Chris, you obviously haven't been reading this site for 2 months because you'd know the answer to your footwear dilemma lies in Puma Sport Fashion. End of story. A few of us were in Dassler versions (sockless, of course) at a wedding reception at the Pulaski (WI) American Legion on Saturday night and the feedback was universally positive.

Ask the MB: Pre Surf, Surf, Post Surf

Ask the MB: Pre Surf, Surf, Post Surf
Q: Here's the plan: my friends and I have rented out a house in Nosara, Costa Rica for a month. We will all be surfing. What style is appropriate for:
a) Pre surfing?
b) when surfing? (we are beginners)
c) post surfing?

We are all in our early to mid twenties (23-24 years old). Thanks a lot for any suggestions MB!
--Eric


A: Eric, we think you're planning at least one too many costume changes -- you're going surfing, not performing in a Cher concert (she'll be at Ceasars in September). 5-7" inseam boardshorts are what's needed here for all three scenarios (see our swimsuit length graphic). Except for the apres surf we'd recommend pairing with a terrycloth cabana jacket or robe, just like what Paul Newman would do (pictured).

Ask the MB: Wimbledon Toolbaggery

Ask the MB: Wimbledon Toolbaggery
Q: No question, I just want to nominate Janko Tipsarevic for a Toolbag award. How one can manage to pollute tennis whites is beyond me, but this guy figured out how by adding the perfect toolbag sunglasses. I'm guessing they're Oakleys, but if not, they may as well be.
--Jackie Treehorn


A: It is indeed difficult to turn the Wimbledon Whites into toolbag, though Rafa Nadal did it last year in the finals. Even the typically MB Roger Federer raised several of our eyebrows with his warmup vest in this year's first round. In between sets, does he moonlight as a waiter? We'll take a round of gin and tonics. Hendrick's.

Anyhow, like Nadal, Janko just has TB in him. Look at him at the French, with tank top and matching blades (bottom). And that tattoo, which we're pretty sure says "No fat chicks!" in kanji. Wimbledon's rules can only tamp the TB down. The good news: he's out after the 2nd round.

Ask the MB: Russian Navy Shirt

Ask the MB: Russian Navy Shirt
Q: I've recently updated my wardrobe for the summer but I'm missing a crucial piece: the Russian navy shirt (as seen on the J. Peterman website). $44 seems too much for just a shirt, so I was wondering if there were better deals on these shirts. Can you help me maintain the Magnificent Bastard look while maintaining the cheap bastard mindset?
--Daniel


A: We agree $44 is too expensive for that shirt. In fact, we think $4 is too expensive. Unless you are a professional gondolier and can write it off.

If you need the nautical look, we recommend separating your blues and whites like JFK (pictured). If you're still wanting stripes, J.Crew has a couple of much more subtle, less costumey options, and they're cheaper too.

Ask the MB: Pocket Watches

Ask the MB: Pocket Watches
Q: What's you take on pocket watches? Are they MB approved or should I be looking for a new timepiece?
--James


A: If you have a time machine and can go back to the 1800s, OK. Otherwise, they're too evocative of wallet chains. Or even worse, you might be mistaken for a Civil War reenactor.

Ask the MB: Is Obama Wearing Crocs?

Ask the MB: Is Obama Wearing Crocs?
Q: There is some toolbaggery going on here. Are those Crocs?
--Kevin


A: To our eye, it looks like an animal died to make the President's sandals. (Thanks to Reuters photographer Mike Theiler for sensing where the real story was.) So, no, they're not Crocs, which are made entirely from anti-fungal fossil fuels. They do have a very Crocs-like sole, however, and we imagined they looked great on the golf course he was headed toward, if that golf course had a styrofoam castle on the 18th hole.

See also: From Cool to Tool: Tracking Barack Obama's Descent Into Toolbaggery

Ask the MB: Casual Watch and Strap

Ask the MB: Casual Watch and Strap
Q: I'm trying to find a casual everyday type watch to buy that I can just snap on with any outfit. I don't really know if I should go with a leather, steel, or nylon strap. I was looking for something affordable a college student in his 20s can wear. People told me to try out Nixon watches but sometimes I feel their watches are a little toolbaggy at times. Help!
--Brian


A:

The Watch: Nixon often tries too hard, so choose wisely. We're fans of vintage, so do some poking around ebay or your local antique shops; you might find something cool. For new, our favorite watch shop is Howard Marx's Westcoastime*. He just got in 50 custom pieces of the Ollech & Wajs "Kartago." This is a fantastic Swiss-made watch that definitely meets your "snap on with any outfit" criterion. It's likely a little much for a college student's budget ($429.00), but unlike anything from Nixon, you'll enjoy it through graduation, marriage, kids, and likely beyond.

The Strap: We've previously argued in favor of nylon, and definitely recommend it as the best choice alongside the casual wardrobe of the typical college student. Now that it's summer, mix in a stripe of color.

* We have no relationship with Westcoastime beyond being regular customers.

Ask the MB: Golf Bag and Towel

Ask the MB: Golf Bag and Towel
Q: I'm always looking to swap out my golf gear for better, more MB-ish accessories (simplify, simplify, simplify). I am currently looking for the best golf bag and towel. What is the stylish gear the leggy-model in your banner is carrying?
--Your Supplicant, Kevin


A:

The Bag: The Original Mackenzie Walker. We guarantee this is the best golf bag you will ever own. It will also be the last golf bag you ever own. The only problem is that it's $735.00. But worth every penny, and probably a value if you consider you'll go through 4-5 ordinary bags in your lifetime.

The Towel: Available at every Ritz Carlton worldwide. Right next to the hand towels and washcloths. Anywhere from $179.00 to $3,700/night depending on room size and view. (Pictured: Ritz Carlton South Beach)

Ask the MB: Medical Identification

Ask the MB: Medical Identification
Q: Hey guys, love the site and what you're doing. I was wondering what your take on medical identification (i.e. bracelets, dog tags, and the like) was. I've been a type 1 diabetic for over nine years and have always refused to wear medical ID's because they tend to make people feel sorry for you ... and because most of the ones that I've seen, look ridiculous. However, recent events have brought to light the necessity of wearing a medical ID and I can thus no longer ignore the issue. What type of medical ID would say "hell yea I have diabetes, what about it?", while still maintaining the fashion style of an MB?
--Iain


A: Here are the options as we see them:

Option A: Wear a necklace. They are barely visible 95% of the time and will indicate your medical need when necessary. If you're like us and can't stand things hanging from your neck, then...

Option B: This stainless bracelet (top) is $14.00 and is better-looking than any medical ID accessory we've seen.

Option C: If you are feeling flush, with the help of Tiffany you could make a one-of-a kind piece to last a lifetime. Buy a Tiffany 1837 I.D. bracelet (bottom) and work with their customer service -- and they are all about customer service -- to get the custom engraving your body needs.

Ask the MB: 'Hipster' Look

'I'm so depressed! If I had two heads, I could wear a hoodie too.'
'I'm so depressed! If I had two heads, I could wear a hoodie too.'
I'm 5'10" 140 lbs. with a semi-athletic build. What is the best kind of jeans, shirt, hoodie and possibly hat to go for a hipster look?
--Patrick


A: Hat and hoodie? Do you have two heads? Because if so, 140 lbs. is really skinny.

Even if you've got just one head, we're not sure why you're wanting to go for this look. However, if you insist: spend $150 at Urban Outfitters, donate your razor blades to hairy orphans in Malawi, and you're there.

(Pictured: Cable Knit Marled Beanie, via Urban Outfitters.)

Ask the MB: Phil Mickelson's Golf Shirts

It's John Daly's *pants* that have the drinking problem
It's John Daly's *pants* that have the drinking problem
Q: I recently noticed Phil Mickelson wearing golf shirts with shorter than standard short sleeves. As a guy with short muscular arms I would love to get shirts with these extra short sleeves. Where does he get them or are they made special for him?
--Ron


A: Phil Mickelson has a large endorsement deal with Callaway, so it's a very safe bet they make his shirts. And, being the #2 player in the world, he can get Callaway to make anything he wants. (Though someone at Callaway should have the courage to tell Phil to add a little material around the torso. It's looking increasingly sausage-like, with a side of manboobs.)

Anyhow, we strongly endorse shorter sleeves on polos, especially if you have pipes worthy of display. The sleeve length on many of today's golf shirts, one can't tell if they're short long-sleeves or long short-sleeves (see John Daly at last week's St. Jude Classic). But don't make this a big concern. You can have your golf shirt sleeves shortened to taste by a tailor for $10-$15. And if you're cursed with Mickelson's waistline, try to find a tailor who moonlights as a plastic surgeon.

Ask the MB: Ironic Tattoos

Ask the MB: Ironic Tattoos
Q: Is there any way a tattoo can be MB-approved if it is done for the sake of irony? A friend of mine, who for the most part has the MB style going on, just got a tattoo of a pirate ship on his chest.
--Leroy


A: Leroy, does your friend know that tattoos are permanent? Irony is best left to things that can be changed or shaved, like t-shirts or facial hair, although an ironic "Mom" tattoo on either bicep would be acceptable.

Ask the MB: Track Jackets

Borg winning Wimbledon in 1980
Borg winning Wimbledon in 1980
Q: Are track jackets still Mag-Bastardly? Or, have they been relegated to soccer hoodlums and clearance sales on Rockstar? By the way, I'm referring to the classics- Fred Perry, Adidas, etc. that are worn during appropriate, casual times (i.e. not your "going out" jacket).
--ARP


A: Track jackets hit peak popularity a few years ago, with every designer and their uncle doing a version. We've definitely noticed a drop-off in our own track jacket wearing over the past 4-5 years, but the classics like Adidas Originals or Fila verge on timeless.

Ask the MB: Panerai Watch Size

Ask the MB: Panerai Watch Size
Q: I stumbled upon your site about a month ago and have checked it every day since. I see that you are high on Panerai watches, but also say that you think the maximum size watch an MB should wear is 40 mm. I have a Panerai which it 44 mm and I think that is the smallest watch they make. So I'm confused do you like Panerai watches or are they too big? I think it is perfect. Thanks.
--Joe


A: We like Panerai and no, they're not too big. The Luminor GMT PAM 00244 is 40MM as are several other new models. Older 40MM models like the gorgeous PAM00159 (pictured) and PAM00160 are also available on eBay and and other web shops.

If you think it's perfect, chances are you've got thick, Popeye-like forearms. In that case, 44MM is in proportion. For normal landlubbers a 44MM watch can look like you've glued a minute hand on a dinner plate.

Ask the MB: Sweater Stretching

Ask the MB: Sweater Stretching
Q: I'm a freshman in college, about to enter my sophomore year, and I've just started reading MB, but I do consider myself rather stylish on an unemployed college student's budget. What's an MBs stance on collared shirt under a sweater with both of the sleeves rolled up over jeans? And do you have any other general tips to get that artfully disheveled look to truly shine? Thanks.
--Mike


A: Mike, you're young and a still a little wet behind the ears, so we'll go easy. This look can be categorized as TTH (Trying Too Hard). Artful dishevelment is indeed calculated, but ends up looking like you didn't try at all. This looks like you tried; not to mention it's also going to stretch the shit out of your sweater sleeves. It's only OK if you're involved in an emergency birth.

Ask the MB: Italy Trip

Ask the MB: Italy Trip
Q: Sorry for the short notice, but I need help. I'm traveling to Italy this Friday and my girlfriend, who has already been there for a few weeks, emailed me to warn that I should "bring your MB best." I prefer to travel very light, but am going to be there for two weeks. What are some bastardly standards I should consider when packing? Specifically, essentials I should have that will travel well, how many of what items, and what/how many shoes? Thanks, and keep up the exceptional work.
--Harith


A: Certainly the objective is to get everything to fit into a 21" roller and a shoulder bag, and if that means going commando for a while, it beats checking luggage. With that in mind, here are the ingredients you need:

3 Pair of shoes. 1 leather sandal or loafer, 1 Puma sport fashion, 1 pair of flip-flops (for the beach and pool).
3-4   Knit shirts and t-shirts. No logos, and for Pete's sake, no legibility.
3 Pair of jeans. 2 blue, one white.
2 Pair of shorts. But be sure not to wear these while strolling during passeggiata. That's a pants deal.
3-4 Long-sleeve or short-sleeve woven shirts. Keep it casual.
2 Pair of your most killer socks. (However, most of the time you can go sockless.)
1 Casual blazer.
1 Summer-weight, fine-gauge cashmere sweater.


For the flight
Wear your most comfortable pair of jeans and the blazer (and the sweater too if the bags are full).

Something else to remember
You are in the global center of fashion and apparel. Forget the recession for a couple of weeks and buy! Even the smallest towns have some of the best menswear on the planet.

Ask the MB: White Event

Ask the MB: White Event
Q: I have to go to an all white event (Bar Mitzvah). I have a white linen shirt and white linen pants. Can I wear both or do I need another top. And if the answer is yes, do I need a blazer or sweater?
--Kevin


A: Kevin, it would seem you haven't seen our bit on linen. It's trouble, and can turn a fella into a total mess within seconds. We've seen it happen. But when life gives you lemons, we say make lemonade (or at least some really outstanding lemon twists). Second, nobody wears white-on-white, except hospital orderlies and Mr. Clean (inset). So the objective is to break up the white with a shade of white, either in a different shirt, a sweater, or blazer. Take a look at this picture from the DKNY collection at Bloomingdale's, then ask the host if you can go as a bed.

Ask the MB: Couple of Questions About Sunglasses

Cary Grant in <em>North by Northwest</em>, 1959
Cary Grant in North by Northwest, 1959
Q: I have recently decided to do a full overhaul of my old and worn-out wardrobe and go all-out to become a certified MB (I have already started by purchasing a J.Fold V12 black/brown wallet). The journey is long, but with your help I think it's possible. Today my I find myself torn over sunglasses, and I have a few questions for you.

The first question is on lens color. Back in 2001 or so I had a pair of Oakley with a reflective, metallic-blue lens coating. Looking back on it, I wonder if (brand aside) they were a rather toolbaggy thing to buy (my only excuse being that I was 16 at the time). Although I am not considering going that path again, I wonder -- is it ever acceptable for an MB to wear any color other than black/tan lenses or do the other colors (ie. red, blue, green) not conform to the principle of understatement?

The second question is hopefully simple. I know you have already quite reluctantly defined a few lightweight sunglasses (i.e. Serengeti Vedi, Rudy Project Murphy, Maui Jim Kailua and, yes, even Oakley Nanowires) as acceptable for use while performing activities such as jogging. Is it acceptable to don those types of eyewear for everyday use or are they strictly application specific like most activewear? With my facial structure I find "fashion" sunglasses tend to look odd and I would rather continue without than pay for prescription sunglasses just so I can look like a TB whenever the sun is shining.
--Adam


A: First of all, we'll cut you a little slack for the metallic-blue reflector Oakleys. You were only 16, preoccupied with acne, masturbation, and trying to find a prom date. Sunglass lens color was not a top priority at the time.

You've sort of answered Part I: The classic sunglass lens colors -- grey (some people call this black), brown, bottle green and grey/green (aka G15) -- are a good way to go for everyday use. They're cosmetically acceptable and functionally have endured the test of time. Here's an excerpt from eyetopics.com on the various functions of lens colors:
Gray
Gray sunglass lenses reduce light intensity without altering the color of objects. Thus, they provide the most natural color vision. Gray is the most popular sunglass lens color in the United States.

Brown
Brown lenses enhance contrast by blocking a larger percentage of blue light than gray lenses do. Brown lenses provide a warmer appearance to colors and make greens more vibrant.

Green
Green sunglass lenses provide a cool, soothing tone to colors. Though not as popular as gray or brown lenses, green lenses are often used to create the classic look of aviator-style sunglasses (Ed. note: "Green" today is actually grey/green or G15. You may want to consider bottle green popular during the 1950s/60s).

Amber
Amber sunglass lenses block all or nearly all blue light for superior contrast. Amber-colored lenses are frequently referred to as "blue blocker" lenses or "shooter's sunglasses." (Amber-colored lenses are popular among hunters because they provide enhanced contrast when looking at birds and clay targets against the sky.) Though these lenses enhance contrast, they also distort colors and may not be suitable for driving and other activities that require accurate color recognition.

Pink, Orange, Rose and Blue
These and other vibrant colors are available for fashion sunglasses. These lens colors can cause severe color distortion and are unsuitable for driving and other tasks when color recognition is important.
Now for Part II: Don't you usually change out of your New Balance running shoes before going to dinner? There are better understated sunglass choices for everyday use than sport shades. If TTH (Trying Too Hard) fashion sunglasses make you feel self-conscious (and hopefully they do), try classic, ophthalmic styles from mid-20th Century (see our sunglasses channel for examples). Too often, guys today, even well-dressed guys, have only one pair of sunglasses or several pairs of sports sunglasses. Ironically, when men get dressed, they make sure their outfit works together and is appropriate for whatever function they're attending. Then they put on our only pair of sunglasses and get into the only car they own (or lease) -- the two weak links in how most men are showing up.


Ask the MB: Belt With Jeans

Ask the MB: Belt With Jeans
Q: Help me settle an argument: If you tuck in your shirt while wearing jeans should you wear a belt? My position is that you should always wear a belt when you tuck something in.
--Eric


A: We hope you don't have too large of a wager, because it's certainly OK to forego the belt with jeans when you tuck. 9 out of 10 times we'll wear a belt for either accessorization or pant-holding-up purposes (actual function). However with the right denim or right shirt, feel free to leave the belt in your closet.

Ask the MB: Lakers Game Attire

Ask the MB: Lakers Game Attire
Q: As a recent college graduate, and as a Staples Center suite ticket owner, what is appropriate attire for Lakers games? I know a jersey and jeans just wont cut it. Thanks for your help!
--Chris


A: A recent college graduate and Staples Center suite owner? Pace yourself, Chris. You don't want to peak too early.

Anyhow, a jersey and jeans is indeed out. Just have a look at Joel Madden and this other jersey and foam-finger wearing fella (top). Don't be that guy. For the celebrity set there's an ongoing competition to see who can most successfully affect the just-rolled-out-of-bed-and-showed-up-at-Lakers-game look. Jack Black, we declare you the winner. In spite of the unfortunate fact that your team's primary color is purple, we recommend trying to look like a fan without trying too hard, like David Beckham in this barely-purple fine-knit crewneck sweater (-tie).

Game 1 on Thursday, Chris, and we'll be there in spirit. In reality, we'll be in Pulaski, WI.

Ask the MB: Beer on the Golf Course

Ask the MB: Beer on the Golf Course
Q: What is the MB stance on drinking beer on the golf course? I like beer as much as the next guy and have been known to enjoy a beer during a round. But I turned a buddy down during a recent round when he asked if I wanted one. Aside from any possible negative effects on my score, the reason was that I realized that about 95% of the people I see drinking beer on the course exhibit all the symptoms of a toolbag (cargo shorts, untucked shirts, Oakleys, taking way too long, etc.). So I came to the conclusion that, while drinking beer while playing may not be inherently toolbag, it becomes toolbag by association.

So what says the MB? Is drinking beer on the course ever acceptable? If not, is there an acceptable alternative alcoholic beverage?
--Brett


A: Brett, you started off by asking a question, and then, after some toolbag observation and deductive reasoning, answered it on your own, correctly. Well done. As for Part 2 of your question, we never drink on the golf course as it negatively affects performance, again, as you observe. However, once we putt out on 18 it's a stampede to the bar that's sometimes a potentially life-threatening The Who-like experience.

Ask the MB: Keen Sandals

Ask the MB: Keen Sandals
Q: I'm an avid reader... and have to say... you're starting to read my mind. Last night, my wife and I were watching TV -- and saw the belt bug spray fan-thing. I said, I bet the MB would NOT approve of that. She agreed and said it looks like a flea collar. Now, less than 12 hours later, you post something on it. You da man.

Now here's a situation that you're sure to agree with me. I bought these shoes. They have the feel of Crocs (though, I must say I have NEVER owned a pair.) I plan to wear them to the pool, at the beach and when we go whitewater rafting. But the other day, I saw someone wear a pair to the movies. When will toolbags learn?
--John


A: John, we may need to graduate you to full-on Vulcan mind-meld. The fact that you mentioned Crocs in the same breath as a recent footwear purchase should set off alarm bells. Do you still have the receipt?

We're strongly opposed to this entire genre of footwear, whether it be Crocs, Keen, or Teva. These are for the fleece and granola set, where MBs are as rare as a dodo bird.

Incidentally, for the rafting we recommend an old pair of Jack Purcells. They work great and look amazing.

Ask the MB: Bracelet Watches

Ask the MB: Bracelet Watches
Q: I'm in the market for a new watch. But other than following the comformity of society, I want to go my own direction. I want a time piece that will be a conversation piece. I found on the web these Eduardo Milieris Watchcraft watches. Can this be the answer I am looking for?
--Nate


A: If you want to look like the most punctual Roman slave ever, we say buy one.


Ask the MB: Long Pants in Galveston, TX

AG Protege Lightweight Jeans via Neiman Marcus, $172.00
AG Protege Lightweight Jeans via Neiman Marcus. $172.00.
Q: I read your article about shorts at night and wanted present a more specific scenario. You said, "Wearing shorts after dark is strictly for college boys and parking valets." However, I live on an island (Galveston, TX) where local culture seems to allow shorts at any time and nearly any place. Would shorts after dark be MB-approved in this situation?
--Justin


A: Sure, you can wear shorts after dark in Galveston, but only if you're planning to make an appearance on COPS. If you are, we also recommend ditching your shirt and your teeth too, to complete the outfit. If a COPS cameo is not in the cards, get to know lightweight denim like this AG version; they will change the way you think about jeans. Just don't pair with those boots.

Ask the MB: Quickie Summer Suit

Ask the MB: Quickie Summer Suit
Q: OK, so linen is out, and I understand that. But what about this chino suit at Banana Republic? It's 65% Cotton, 35% Linen. Thanks. This is kind of an emergency because I've got a wedding to go to this weekend and it could be very hot. Other options?
--Nick


A: Online shopping is out given the urgency, which is too bad because YOOX always has something worth trying out. Anyhow, you can do a lot worse than that Banana suit, and the 65% cotton will keep it from looking like you slept in it. A couple of recommended edits and suggestions:

1. Have your cleaner take out the creases. We don't endorse creases, especially on a casual suit like this.

2. Do not pair with penny loafers as pictured. Check our shoes channel for all kinds of better options.

3. Expose your ankles (use these socks).

Ask the MB: Shirts for Summer

Ask the MB: Shirts for Summer
Q: As the summer and thus the warm weather approach I find myself breaking out the summer clothes again. However, I also find myself in need of a wardrobe update. I've got the footwear and shorts down, thanks to your Magnificently Bastard-like advice, but the issue of what should cover my torso perplexes me. I know that, unless playing golf, polo shirts announce to everyone that I'm a toolbag and that they should ask me if they need a hammer or a wrench. I also completely agree that "graphic Ts" are out of the question which leaves me with the question: What casual shirts does a magnificent bastard wear in warm weather?
--Braden


A: First of all, leave the jokes to us. Second, yes, graphic Ts are beyond outgoing but a cool polo is timeless. Avoid the mock turtleneck at all costs. (You listenin' Tiger Woods?) A woven long sleeve with pants and rolled sleeves works, and designer Michael Bastian demonstrated this can work with shorts as well. This season nearly every designer is showing a short-sleeve woven, and while they're generally not NASA scientist style (shown here in paper Spock ears in 1967), the degree of difficulty of pulling off this look is high and requires the right physique. Finally, nothing beats a plain ol' grey or white T. Calvin Klein used to make "the best t-shirt ever" but no more and we're trying to find a replacement, or just make it ourselves. Stay tuned.

Ask the MB: Cordarounds

Ask the MB: Cordarounds
Q: My brother-in-law is all over Cordarounds. I'm not so sure. Your thoughts?
--Jim


A: Horizontal corduroy pants! The world's been needing this for a while now.

While that's a little gimmicky, and their smoking jacket has skull hardware (inset), for just $55 they sell a pair of pants from a print of the Virgin Mary (guitar not included). When you throw this much stuff against the wall, some of it is bound to stick.

At least they have resisted the urge to reinvent the vertical fly.

Ask the MB: Sunglass Placement Continued

Ask the MB: Sunglass Placement Continued
Q: I know that the "sun never sets on cool" but I think men who wear sunglasses inside are not MBs, no? So wear does an MB place his sun spectacles while indoors or elsewhere?
--Robert


A: Robert, your instincts on the un-MBness of wearing sunglasses indoors are strong. Comedian Larry David put it best: "You know who wears sunglasses inside? Blind people and assholes." We've covered sunglass placement very extensively before, but perhaps too extensively. It could just be boiled down to: "Don't look like Mystery from The Pickup Artist."

Ask the MB: Navy With Brown

Survey Says: Black and brown are both OK
Survey Says: Black and brown are both OK
Q: Two simple, related questions that you may have already answered:

1. Grey suit, white shirt, navy blue tie. What color shoes?
2. Navy blue suit. What color shoes?

Your answer will settle a family feud.
--Ben


A: Ben, unfortunately we won't be able to settle the family feud. Between the two of you, you're right. Either black or brown shoes are perfectly acceptable in both of these scenarios. Our guess is what's throwing one of you off is the navy + brown combo. Maybe granddad only paired navy with black, but navy with brown looks great and is one small way to stand apart.

Ask the MB: Another Cool Pair of Pumas

Ask the MB: Another Cool Pair of Pumas
Q: Well I went looking for the Dassler Kapitans (from the post on April 27, 2009) at Puma's site and they only have one size...for people with very small feet. Guess I missed the window on those. Any suggestions for a comparable alternative? Also, what is the shoe the MB has on in the current header, out of curiosity?
--Gregory


A: Too bad on the Kapitans. There are a couple pair in larger sizes available on ebay for only $83.11, but in a lighter brown. Also, keep your eyes open on store.puma.com because they do restock.

For a substitute, take a look at the Roma Re-Luxe which is available in many sizes at Zappos. We've probably said this before, but Puma is redefining men's footwear, and we're totally on board. Now men just need more things to wear these with besides denim.

Regarding the golf shoes the MB is wearing in the header photo, they're Adidas "modo Delmar," and are widely unavailable. One thing we've learned about Adidas golf shoes, if you find a pair you like, buy a half-dozen of them because they will be completely gone the following season.

Ask the MB: Hamptons Sandals

Ask the MB: Hamptons Sandals
Men's sandals. Apart from the pedicure issue and disqualification of Crocs, can you recommend a pair of that I can use on my sailboat getting to the beach, use to get to the beach from the boat (involves getting wet), walking on the beach to the overpriced but decent Sunset Beach Hotel in the Hamptons, wear in the casual-but-hip outdoor restaurant/bar and after several cocktails, wear getting back to the boat (involves getting wet again). I do not want to carry three pairs of shoes on the boat as I am often on trips of a week or so and want to travel light.

Thanks again and keep the advise coming.
--Brian


A: Whew! These Hamptons trips sound like a lot of work!

This question kind of reminds us of the recent "shoes for workout and for work" question. It's not easy to find one pair of sandals to handle all these situations, but the Reef "Smoothy" is our recommendation. They work for us in nearby Door County, WI. They can handle the water, their thick padding is comfy and can handle all the walking, and the embroidered strap handles the style situations. Just be sure to carefully remove the logo with a sharp razor or scissors.

Ask the MB: Cowboy Boot Protocol

Ask the MB: Cowboy Boot Protocol
Q: Hey Magnificent Bastards -- What is the MB protocol on cowboy boots?
--Evan in Maine


A: A very timely question, Evan. Last Thursday the Wall Street Journal's feature on Design Within Reach contained a picture of CEO Ray Brunner, who appeared to have grabbed whatever was within arm's reach for the photo shoot: an ill-fitting blazer and repp tie matched with cowboy boots and his age and body type looks totally ridiculous. In other words, you need the right "look" to successfully pull a pair of these off. Or on. Match yours with the five guys below to see where you fit.





Magnificent Bastard Cowboy Boot Scale

Ask the MB: Mother's Day Charity Event

Ask the MB: Mother's Day Charity Event
Q: So I have to attend this (outdoor charity) event for Mother's Day with my wife and son (2 yrs) where your entry ticket is this gaudy t-shirt that violates every known MB principle: logos, legibility, ugly, etc. My question is: since I have to wear this (I have to attend), is there any way to salvage it? Should I wear the rest of the ensemble as if I was wearing some other MB-approved shirt? Or would that just look too stupid (i.e. too much of a clash between MB-ness and clear toolbaggery) and should I just throw in the towel and just toolbag this all the way? Sorry for the short notice but I was just informed yesterday, and Mother's Day is just a few days away!
--Rob


A: Rob, your mother probably once told you: Two wrongs do not make a right. Don't cave and go full-on toolbag. Even the ugliest event t-shirt can be mitigated and possibly overcome with the right ensemble. Since you are going to be very unformfortable on top, get very comfortable on the bottom with your go-to denim and sneakers (or sandals, if you've recently had a pedicure). Even if monsoons are predicted, add some vintage sunglasses to the look. They can block toolbaggery almost as well as UV rays, and will provide cover for pained facial expressions.

Of course, even with these tactics, you won't be able to forget the fact that you're wearing the shirt -- because you'll be surrounded by it -- so we also advise that you get drunk as quickly as possible. Skip the beer and go straight to the hard stuff.

Ask the MB: Hannah Andersson Men's Pajamas

Ask the MB: Hannah Andersson Men's Pajamas
Q: Can you believe some guy would actually wear these?
--Jessica


A: Jessica, this is kind of a good news-bad news scenario.

The Good News: These are PJ's so the man will likely be seen only by immediate family members and perhaps the newspaper boy.

The Bad News: Hannah Andersson requires the man to send in his testicles with each purchase, which might explain why Sweden's fertility rate has declined so dramatically in the last 20 years.

Ask the MB: Footwear for a Little Rain

Ask the MB: Footwear for a Little Rain
Q: We're in the middle of about a week straight of nothing but rain here in the Mid Atlantic, which got me thinking: What does the MB wear to keep his feet dry when he must venture out in wet weather? Women seem to be resorting to the Wellington but so far that trend does not seem to be making inroads among men. My grandfather used to wear galoshes but I haven't seen anyone wearing those either. In my Gore-Tex hiking boots I feel like a refugee from the mid 90s, when dressing as if one were on an Everest expedition was popular even if one were only going to the grocery store. There must be at least one fashionable option?
--Mark


A: Short wellies (like these from J.Crew) are MB approved, but they're really only necessary for weather systems with a name. Something with a name that makes the national news and maybe kills a few people, go ahead and upgrade to the full-height version. For anything else, like a little rain, get into something rubber-soled like these Prada Novo boots. We've suggested them before -- they were featured in a header pic from 2008 -- and stand by them in spite of the price. Some staffers have had these for over a decade, so they deliver value, and are cool as shit to boot.

Ask the MB: Skinny Pants on Women

Rubenesque, indeed
Rubenesque, indeed
Q: Darling, you have cracked the door, so forgive me if I wedge my foot and possibly my shoulder in and ask (rather breathlessly): What about skinny pants for women?
--Nancy Drew


(Ed. note: "Nancy Drew" is an amateur chick detective who's been trying to find out who's behind this site for, like, nearly two years.)

A: Nancy, in the women's case it's a simple matter of geometry. We call it the "Ass to Ankle Angle" or AAA (try saying that 3 times fast). Simply have someone take a picture of you naked with your feet together and then calculate the angle from your ass to your ankle. If your angle is 5° or smaller, you may wear skinny pants. As you can see, the nude in Peter Paul Rubens' "The Three Graces" is at 10°, and she clearly ain't even close.

Ask the MB: Sweater Vests

Ask the MB: Sweater Vests
Q: Sweater vests: yea, or nay?
--Mike


A: We say "Yea," and we've said it before. But upon reflection, proper accessorization is really key to making the look function. Do it like the guy on the top, not so much like the guy on the bottom:

Top:
* horn-rimmed glasses
* cigarette dangling at artfully disheveled angle, long ash
* sleeves messily rolled past elbows
* Rolleiflex camera

Bottom:
* logos
* flag pin
* WWJD (What Would Jesus Do) bracelet
* team consistently overrated and regularly blown out of national championship games

Ask the MB: Swine Flu Surgical Masks

Ask the MB: Swine Flu Surgical Masks
Q: What kind of surgical mask does the MB recommend for the coming swine flu pandemic?
--Bob


A: For this kind of, uh, "in your face" accessory, simple and understated is strongly recommended. And, white or light blue go with just about anything. Please, no pig noses. This is a good opportunity for designer surgical masks, like this MB prototype, inspired by British designer Paul Smith.

Ask the MB: Polo Under a Blazer

Ask the MB: Polo Under a Blazer
Q: I agree with the no t-shirts and sport coats philosophy, but what about sport coats and polo shirts? I have seen some people doing it, but I'm still not sure what to think about the look yet.

Thank you for this site, you are helping me become a better person.
--Tom C.


A: We're OK with it during the same timeframe as white jeans. If, however, you can handle your nerves on Sunday at the Masters, you have permission all year round.

From top:
* Doug Ford and Arnold Palmer (1958)
* Tom Watson and Gary Player (1978)
* Bernhard Langer and Jack Nicklaus (1986)
* Vijay Singh and Tiger Woods (2001)

Ask the MB: Shoes That Can Work With Workout, and Work

Rudolf Dassler Kapitan via Puma, $250.00
Rudolf Dassler Kapitan via Puma. $250.00.
Q: Are there any shoes you can think of that I can wear at the gym and with a suit?
--Nicholas


A: We've been thinking about this a lot lately so we're glad you asked. While no single shoe will simultaneously work for an AM 5K and a PM meeting with the CEO, Puma is the closest to cracking the code if, say, it's your lifting and not your cardio day. Their Black Label line, the Alexander McQueen collaboration, and some of the Rudolf Dassler stuff can do double duty, depending on the suit. (Again, we're working on one.)

Ask the MB: Off-White Sneakers

Puma Sport Fashion Roma Re-Luxe via Zappos, $254.00
Puma Sport Fashion Roma Re-Luxe via Zappos. $254.00.
Q: Is it ever OK to wear off-white sneakers? I recently procured a pair of Pumas online and now that I'm looking at the color I'm seriously questioning my decision. Nothing seems to look quite right with them.
--Joe


A: Put. The Dockers. Down.

Joe, say it's so: you got into a pair of the new Sport Fashion Roma Re-Luxe, from Puma Black Label (available at Zappos). Of course khakis are a no-no with this shoe, but denim is a sure thing, and pairing these with white jeans or trousers would look très MB. Give 'em another try.

Ask the MB: Skinny Pants

Ask the MB: Skinny Pants
Q: What's your take on slim fit pants that hug the legs and ankles? Are they only acceptable on 150 pound male models?
--Todd


A: We have been consistently anti-skinny since this site launched almost two years ago. But it can work in certain situations, like the ones defined by our accompanying skinny pant flow chart. See if you qualify to wear this look.

(In case you don't have your BMI number off the top of your head, you can calculate it here.)

Ask the MB: Are Square-Toed Kenneth Coles Really Not Cool?

Sign in downtown Annapolis, MD
Sign in downtown Annapolis, MD
Q: In your recent post on spring footwear, you apparently diss square-toed Kenneth Coles. Then I looked at the STKCs on my feet and said, "Damn! I'm not as business casual as I thought I was." Please elaborate on this thought. Can STKCs ever be magnificent? Are the just too casual to be "business casual?" Or too formal? And how square is square?
--Marc-Ange


A: Let's get one thing straight, Marc-Ange. We did not "apparently diss" square-toed Kenneth Coles. If square-toed Kenneth Coles are Somali pirates, we're the U.S. Navy. No, they can never be Magnificent or Bastardly or any other adjective/adverb worth a damn. For further information and new footwear purchasing guidance, please consult our Shoe Toe Pointiness Chart.

Ask the MB: How Do You Make a Sheboygan?

The Sheboygan
The Sheboygan
Q: You have previously mentioned a drink named the Sheboygan. As a fellow Wisconsinite and someone who can properly pronounce the eponymous city's name, I would like to know how you make it. Any cocktails you might recommend for an upcoming summer spent on a sailboat or at the waterfront would also be appreciated.
--Brian


A: Though the MB usually enjoys a slightly wet, gin martini, he sometimes finds himself out of gin (poor planning, boy) or at a gathering of friends from the South. Of course, South from our offices in Pulaski, WI might only mean as far as Sheboygan, home of America's best bratwurst. This version of a vodka martini gives tribute to Sheboygan, WI, where they might say that one of these makes a good appetizer, two a meal.



The Sheboygan
* 4 parts vodka
* 1 part dry vermouth
* dash of orange bitters
* garnish of a cornichon, slice of grilled bratwurst, and pearl onion placed in that order, for top to bottom, on a toothpick

Place garnish into a chilled martini glass. Gently shake (think waltz, not polka) the vodka, vermouth and orange bitters with ice; pour over the garnish.



A couple of keys to ensure this drink is at its best. First, use a high quality, authentic bratwurst from Sheboygan. You can experiment with other sausages, but we do not guarantee success using a substitute: garbage in, garbage out.

It's best to use a warm bratwurst to give the fullest flavor. If it's not fresh off the grill, microwave for 15 seconds to perk it up. Also, make sure you pour the martini over the garnish so you get the drink a little oily, just how the MB likes his ... cocktails.

Finally, for whatever reason, this version of a martini tastes best using potato vodka. We use Chopin. This may be due to our Sheboygan friends being classic "meat and potato" kind of people. Whatever vodka you choose, make sure it's worthy of the MB, and more importantly, the quality bratwurst.

Ask the MB: Thom Browne as Emperor's Clothes?

Ask the MB: Thom Browne as Emperor's Clothes?
Q: Although I wore Thom Browne long before it was available anywhere but Bergdorf Goodman and kind of liked it primarily for the quality and nerdyness, I have recently come to the conclusion that it is kind of "The Emperor's New Clothes." What do you think?
--Mark


A: (Ed. note: This question was sent in January, 2009.)

Either it's the Emperor's New Clothes or the Emperor's Flood Pants. Either way, we've never gotten Thom Browne, and perhaps we'll never get Thom Browne, since rumors of his impending bankruptcy surfaced last month (later denied). Maybe we're dumb (or blind), but we don't see a point of view or story to his work, only a gimmick. One thing we think is a very, very safe bet, Mark: If you've been photographed in a Thom Browne suit you're not gonna want to see that pic in 10 years.

Ask the MB: Kentucky Derby

Ask the MB: Kentucky Derby
Q: I'm new to the official MB philosophy (though not my own unofficial one), having only recently discovered this site. I could use your insight into a matter I face. I plan to attend the Kentucky Derby this year. What is the best way to dress for this occasion? Can I go the MB Gregory Peck route and wear a seersucker suit or has this look be taken over by too many toolbags in recent years? Also, is the boaters straw hat TTH or just too barber shop quartet?
--Jon


A: Jon, welcome aboard. "Classic with a twist" is our general aesthetic philosophy, and in the case of something like a 135 year-old horse race in a slave state, a fair amount of middle-finger-fully-extended irreverence is definitely in order. Go for the seersucker, but make sure it's excessively rumpled, like you weren't sure there was a race that day and had to pull it out of the back of your closet last-minute. Instead of the traditional white bucks, go with the white Chucks. And when you order a mint julep, have the bartender make it a double and hold the mint, sugar, water, and ice.

Regarding the boaters straw hat, wear it only if you're bald or sing a cappella, or both.

(The 135th running of the Kentucky Derby is on Saturday, May 2, 2009.)

Ask the MB: Belt With Suit

Ask the MB: Belt With Suit
Q: What does MB have to say about wearing a suit without a belt? Assuming one has the physique to pull it off, how age- and office-appropriate is it? I'm 49 and in better shape than men half my age. And, I work in a conservative office environment. My intuition tells me 'no way' but I'm looking for one small thing to set me apart from the rest of the suits. Thanks for a useful and witty website.
--Dino


A: There is no rule that says you have to wear a belt with a suit, even in a conservative office environment. If your pants are hook-and-bar (top) a belt is wrong; if they're a traditional button closure (bottom) beltless still works great.

To set yourself apart from the rest of the suits, try a different suit. (One of our staffers is developing one that will be ready for fall.)

Ask the MB: Birkenstocks

Ask the MB: Birkenstocks
Q: Are Birkenstocks ever OK?
--Lisa


A: Lisa, please check the map for the inverse blast radius acceptability of Birkenstocks. Eugene, OR is ground zero. Anything outside the yellow zone is red (where they're not OK).

Ask the MB: Spring Footwear

Salvatore Ferragamo Mantra Moccasin via Neiman Marcus, $395.00
Salvatore Ferragamo Mantra Moccasin via Neiman Marcus. $395.00.
Q: Spring is nearly upon us and, as a man of comfort and style, I want to enjoy some suede loafers / boat shoes from time to time. However, I'm not sure if they're really "business casual." Please advise.
--Davis


A: Yeah, the Elgin #1 has been spotted, which means spring is definitely here.

We oppose any hard and fast rules on acceptable "business casual" footwear. We wear tennies with a twist and HR has not been in contact. Suede loafers easily qualify in most cases, and although "boat shoes" get you word-associating "Sperry topsiders," check the Neiman Marcus collection of boat shoes for spring. Most of these are sure as hell more "business casual"-appropriate than a co-worker in square-toed Kenneth Coles.

Ask the MB: My Husband Thinks He's Dale Earnhardt Jr.

Ask the MB: My Husband Thinks He's Dale Earnhardt Jr.
Q: Dear MB-- My husband has taken up bicycling as his new fitness routine/hobby. I am distressed every time I see him ride off in his bicycling gear, covered with more endorsements than a NASCAR vehicle. What do you suggest?
--Mrs. M.


A: The good news, Mrs. M, is that whatever logo-clad clown suit your husband is frightening the neighborhood children with, it could probably be worse.

The bad news is that if you're doing it right, you can't help but violate key MB principles when wearing cycling attire -- at least if you plan to break 25mph on occasion. To maximize aerodynamics and minimize chafing, cycling clothes are supposed to be obscenely tight-fitting. To maximize visibility and minimize the chance of decorating some texting soccer mom's hood, they're supposed to be garishly bright.

The really bad news is that tight-fitting, garish, but still relatively tasteful gear is easy to find -- so if your husband's peddling around town looking like a graphic designer's resume, it's because he wants to.

To wean him gently from this bad habit, we recommend this Salvarani replica, in 100% merino wool. While we don't care much for even the tiniest logos, never mind ones that can be seen from 100 yards, any logo that requires a $250,000 sewing machine to make is OK in our book.

For a cycling jersey so restrained even Kasimir Malevich could love it, go straight to the Rapha Club Jersey in Winter White.

From one's waist to one's ankles, only solid black is allowed. For a final touch, treat your husband to a pair of Dromarti Sportivos. Five minutes in these handmade Italian beauties, and he will never feel the urge to wear anything featuring a dye-sublimated logo again.