From the Shop ↷
Facepainting & foam fingers are not you. A belt made of NFL football leather is. Understated fanaticism FTW!
Transport your game-day suds in style, on a carpet of AstroTurf & a handle made of NFL football leather
Look like a fictional British Secret Service agent for just $30.07
Built to look great forever — even if you live to 300
Q: I am preparing the groomsmen attire for my upcoming wedding. Naturally, our gentlemen will wear bespoke formalwear, as selected by the bride and I. Thin arched lapel, two button classic style coupled with a tapered, fitted jacket. I call it the Lafontaine. Here’s the kicker: the suits will be black, likely with white shirts (also fitted). In true bastardly fashion, I am considering offering the groomsmen a lasting, memorable gift: a woodworked, Quebec-issued bowtie made of noble wood. Given that I will be wearing a black (silk) bowtie, I'd like to differentiate them with another color. Can the men wear a brown on black style or must it be black on black?
Please advice, O wise Sensei.
A: We don't place much stock in the sanctity of marriage, but when it comes to the sanctity of marriage attire, we're strict traditionalists. If things go well — and we sincerely wish you the best — there's a chance your wedding photos will be hanging on your wall for 20, 30, even fifty years. Do you think your groomsmen's prospective wooden bow ties will stand that test of time?
So while your desire to offer your groomsmen a lasting, memorable gift is admirable, we'd like to steer you away from your current choice. You need timeless wedding attire, and that means ties that come from a silkworm's ass, not a tree.
As for a gift for the groomsmen, we recommend an engraved glass cocktail shaker. It's lasting, it's memorable, and if your groomsmen are worthy of being your groomsmen, it's a gift they will use often and appreciatively while getting shitfaced for years to come.
À la tienne!
Shake or swirl lightly, garnish with a lemon twist.
In-Depth Martinez Coverage:×
Q: My wang is out for the Horween MVW, but only a video will convince me that the elastic strap will be...
Are you walking around with a piece of 19th century technology in your back pocket? Today, we introduce the antidote...
The swallows have returned to Capistrano. The Twins are already thinking about next year. And we've made a new batch...
On the court, Stephen Curry is the epitome of style, making the impossible look effortless. Off the court it's a...
Q: Big fan of your posts. I love your products too. The
Got a style question? We're all ears. And antlers. Ask away.
If you know about something you think we should know about, let us know (so we can pretend we knew about it all along). Send a tip.