Magnificent Bastard

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

golf

Ask the MB: What is Up With You Guys?

Ask the MB: What is Up With You Guys?

Q: What's up with the lack of postings lately? You've had two so far for the month of September, which sported a grand total of five words. I've taken to reading the SB (who has 8 posts in the month, with more words than I care to count) just to have something to do while I'm supposed to be working. Am I right to be concerned?
—Tim

A: Our in-house masseuse thinks this has something to do with blockage of our third eye chakra. We think it has more to do with replacement refs, abundant tee times, and excessive MB Cocktail indulgence.

Whoever's right, we still have a lot to say — although never more than the SB — and will be back to a more regular posting schedule someday.

Bubba Watson's Masters Uniform Was for Charity

Bubba Watson's Masters Uniform Was for Charity
Early last year we wondered if Bubba Watson was a toolbag with MB tendencies or vice versa.

Now we're pretty sure it's the latter.

This season Watson combined a pink head with his pink-shafted Ping G20 driver to support Breast Cancer Awareness (Ping donates $300 for every 300 yard drive Watson hits), and at the Masters he just won he wore the same white-on-white outfit for four days to raise money for Fresh Start, a California charity that provides cosmetic reconstructive surgery for children with physical defects.

Now Watson clothing sponsor Travis Mathew is selling a $200 white polo and belt package with 100% of the proceeds going to Fresh Start. If they sell out, an additional $50,000 will be donated to the California-based cancer research center City of Hope.

While both the polo and belt badly violate the MB principle of legible clothing, we're in, and the Pulaski Goodwill soon be receiving a NWT Travis Mathew polo shirt and belt.

Earlier: Top 5 Ways to Make the Green Jacket Look Even Worse

Ask the MB: Arnie Wear

Ask the MB: Arnie Wear
Q: Do you have an opinion on Arnie Wear?
—Mark


A: We absolutely love the idea behind Arnie Wear — who doesn't want to look like Arnold Palmer did in the '60s — it's the execution we have a problem with, with too-long sleeves on the polos, too-long inseams on the shorts, and far too much nylon and quick-dry polyester on everything.

The King never wore quick-dry polyester.

One item we'll be trying out, however, is the Leaderboard dress pant in (mostly) cotton, with a low rise and gentle boot cut (inset). Good golf pants are hard to find, and it looks like you could wear these into the office after a round (unless you get them in Lemon). Plus they'll go great with the Sambas.

Long before Arnie Wear came along, what we've done to put our twist on the '60s Palmer look is find a pair of casual white pants on YOOX, a slim-fitting banded-cuff polo from J.Crew (always on sale), and a fine-gauge cashmere-silk cardigan usually by Cruciani. Add a $4.99 plain white visor from e4hats.com and you are Palmer personified (except for his game).

Earlier: Visors. How and when to wear them.

MB Endorses: Cleveland Classic Tour Driver

MB Endorses: Cleveland Classic Tour Driver
We haven't been this excited about a golf club since, well, never.

The Cleveland Classic Tour Driver doesn't even ship until mid February, yet we're more deeply in love with it than the deepness of its gorgeous face (upper left). For all we know, it could hit the ball 10 yards shorter and more crooked than the previously endorsed Nike Victory Red driver, and it wouldn't matter. It's that beautiful. Nothing will ever replace our beloved persimmon MacGregor Eye-O-Matic, but this comes damn close. (And it even comes with a vintage-style, totally non-toolbag headcover that goes with your MacKenzie walker golf bag.)

Steve Williams Takes the Low Road

Steve Williams Takes the Low Road
If we ever get around to writing The Magnificent Bastard Guide to Life, one of our foundational pieces of advice will read something like this:

It's easiest to take the high road when you're winning, so always take the high road when you're winning. That way, when you're faced with taking the high road in more challenging scenarios — and you should always take the high road — you'll have some experience to fall back on.

Surely, Steve Williams, Tiger Woods' caddie for 13 years and 13 major championships, could have used this advice on Sunday. After his new boss, 31-year-old Aussie Adam Scott, won at Firestone this weekend, Williams had this to say to CBS's David Feherty: "I've been caddying for 33 years and that's the best week of my life ... and I'm not joking ... honestly that's the best week of my life; I've caddied for 33 years, 145 wins now, and that's the best win I've ever had."

Now, it may be that Tiger Woods is such an awful person to work for that what Williams said was true: Winning the Bridgestone Invitational was actually better than winning the 2005 Masters (who can forget the chip-in on 16?), or the 2008 U.S. Open (possibly Woods' last major). But why shift attention away from your new boss on his big day, just to send out a subtle fuck-you to your old boss? Especially if it truly is the best week of your life? If you still have room for petty grievances in the best week of your life, then it's not the best week of your life.

Ask the MB: Polo Shirt Sleeve Length

Ask the MB: Polo Shirt Sleeve Length
Q: I have a bit of an issue with polo shirts. I'm 5'6 with an athletic/weight-trained physique. I normally wear either a L or XL golf/polo shirt...my issue is, the length of short sleeve. Some of these shirts come down past my elbow. Could you recommend a golf/polo shirt with a shorter length short sleeve? I'm not liking the thought of having to take them to be tailored down. Your thoughts?
—Stephen


A: We've spent $20 to have sleeves shortened on otherwise-perfect $10 t-shirts, so we know and appreciate the importance of precise sleeve length. (For tees we're not quite at Brando cap-sleeve territory, but within an inch or two.)

As for polos, anything that comes down past the elbow are for old people (top). But if you really like the shirts that have longer sleeves, pay for their shortening surgery. You won't regret it. If you're looking for shirts that already come with short sleeves, Lacoste is an obvious choice if you prefer banded sleeves, like The King used to (bottom). If you prefer no logo, J. Crew's vintage tailored polos show just enough bicep to verify your absence of a barbed-wired tattoo. Wyatt, which makes our favorite polo shirt at the moment and, as far as we can tell, is only available at bluefly, offers a similar cut with open sleeves.

Just Wondering ... Does Barack Obama Have a Covert Sponsorship Deal With Nike?

Just Wondering ... Does Barack Obama Have a Covert Sponsorship Deal With Nike?
First Obama killed Osama bin Laden sporting a Nike golf jacket, now he's negotiating debt ceiling deals with golfing partner John Boehner in a Nike golf shirt and Nike golf socks. One logoed Nike thing at a time, Mr. President, or you'll blow your cover!

Also, if you won't trim the budget, can you at least right-size your shirt? We're pretty sure Paul Ryan would try to make a week's worth of garments out of that blousey tent you're wearing.

Meanwhile, in spectacular un-fashion, Rory McIlroy lifted the Oakley curse by being the first Oakley-sponsored player to win a major championship.

Earlier: Camelnot. Obama vacationing in Martha's Vineyard.

Earlier: Obama Mired in Permanent Fashion Recession

RIP Seve Ballesteros -- Inventor of the Sunday Uniform

RIP Seve Ballesteros -- Inventor of the Sunday Uniform
Yesterday at 3:08PM ET we, along with the three major US tours, observed a moment of silence for the death of Seve Ballesteros.

He was one of our favorites, less for his swashbuckling golfing style and more for his understated sartorial style.

Nearly 20 years before Tiger Woods adopted the Sunday red, and before Ricky Fowler and his Sunday orange were even born, Ballesteros invented the Sunday uniform, choosing a white, artfully disheveled polo underneath a blue v-neck and dark pants.


Hoisting the Claret Jug after winning the 1979 Open at Royal Lytham & St Annes Golf Club.



Few things go well with the green jacket, but this worked in 1983.



He was ahead of his time with the fist pump, too, winning the Open at St. Andrews in 1984.



The last of his majors, again at Royal Lytham & St Annes Golf Club in 1988.

Earlier: Top 5 Ways to Make the Green Jacket Look Even Worse

Just Do It

Just Do It
In what no doubt qualifies as the greatest product placement of all time, President Obama shows off the business casual versatility of a Nike golf jacket (model not yet identified). He started the day wearing it at the Andrews Air Force Base golf course, where he got nine holes in before cutting his game short to set up camp in the White House Situation Room and watch U.S. forces take out Osama bin Laden.

This was reportedly the fifth weekend in a row the President spent golfing. Given the outcome of the mission in Pakistan, we think he — and everyone else involved — earned the right to play a full eighteen this weekend.

In addition, we also think the President deserves a better golf jacket. Mr. Obama, if you're reading, we’d like to buy you a Kiton reversible as thanks for a job well done. (Wear the plaid side when you're out on the links. Then, when you need a more sober, official look that's better suited to overseeing a bold military strike against America's most notorious enemy, switch to the tan side.)

MB 2011 Golf Equipment Guide

MB 2011 Golf Equipment Guide
In this part of the country, The Masters is the unofficial start of golf season (even though courses aren't open 'round here yet). With that in mind, we've got a few equipment recommendations to keep your style out of the Woods.

BAG

The Original MacKenzie Walker
$735

A disposable nylon stand bag this is not. Hand-crafted in Portland, OR, from leather with stainless steel hardware, this is the last golf bag you will ever own. A side pocket for balls and tees, another for a windbreaker (or just leave empty), it's as simple — and as good — as a golf bag gets.

TRAVEL CASE

SKB Small Travel Case
$136.99

As the soft vs. hard golf travel case debate rages on, MB comes down firmly on the side of hard. An SKB travel case may outlast your MacKenzie golf bag. These things are as solid as a rock and SKB's customer service is second to none. After about 20 years of use a wheel broke off one of ours last year and they send a free replacement wheel via 2-day shipping. (NB: Only order the small SKB travel case if you have a small bag, like a Jones or a MacKenzie.)

DRIVER

Nike Victory Red
$400

These days, finding a traditional pear-shaped driver that doesn't come with an instruction manual is as rare as a Tiger Woods Tour win. Even longtime MB standby Titleist has gone high-tech with its SureFit adjustment system. Speaking of Woods, while he's got a terrible eye for strippers and porn stars and clothes, his eye for golf clubs is superb, as he's largely responsible for the design of Nike's best clubs, like this one.

DRIVER HEADCOVER

Jan Craig
$70

Nothing can ruin everything we've discussed so far faster than using the logoed polyester headcover that came with your driver. Throw it in the garbage. Jan Craig has been making hand-knit wool headcovers in Chicago, IL since 1962. If they were good enough for Nicklaus and Watson, they're good enough for us. (Get the 8" pom.)

IRONS

Mizuno MP-11s
~$150

There isn't a more beautiful piece of forged steel on earth than the Mizuno MP-11. Except for maybe the MP-14. Or MP-9. Or MP-29. You get our drift. If you've got game, there is nothing quite like the feel, not to mention look, of vintage Mizuno forged blades.

SHOES

Puma Club 917
$89.99

No one shops harder for cool golf shoes than Magnificent Bastard. In what's turned into a quest, each season we look at every shoe from every golf shoe manufacturer, and usually just end up wearing old Adidas we stocked up on five years ago. This year, however, we discovered two pair worth your consideration: The Nike Air Range in dark grey, and the black/white/cherry tomato Puma Club 917, pictured. Best prices online are at shop.pgatour.com, and both run small. Size up one.

CART

Are you fucking kidding? Unless you have a note from your doctor, or dictator, this game is walked.

Ask the MB: How to 'Rock' Shorts. Or Not.

Your shorts are draining the lifeblood from Tom Ford
Your shorts are draining the lifeblood from Tom Ford
Q: Dear MB: How does an MB rock shorts? I know, I know, a real MB shouldn't wear shorts, but in some parts of the country summer gets too hot for pants. 115 degrees. Looking back at your earlier posts about shorts, the MB short has an 8"-8.5" inseam. Thanks for the help.
--Larry


A: In the S/S issue of Another Man, Tom Ford offers five easy lessons on how to become a modern gentleman. Fifth on his list: "A man should never wear shorts in the city. Flip-flops and shorts in the city are never appropriate. Shorts should only be worn on the tennis court or on the beach."

We would add "golf course." Except if you play with glow-in-the-dark golf balls: Never wear shorts after the sun goes down.

As for inseam, we definitely prefer shorter over longer, lest you veer into over-the-knee toolbag territory. Unfortunately, this season designers have adopted longer inseams with small leg openings, in what look like skinny pants amputated at the knee. But there are still sensible, comfortable shorts out there that don't require cuff rolling, like Raf Simons/Fred Perry for tennis, Lightning Bolt for the beach, and Fred Perry (solo) for the course.

Earlier: For women, we endorse even shorter shorts.

Gaddafi Vehicle Choice Sends Mixed Signals

Gaddafi Vehicle Choice Sends Mixed Signals
As a rule, dictators tend to favor tanks or Mercedes Benz, but Muammar Gaddafi is not your average dictator. Yesterday the Libyan strongman took to the streets in a strange golf cart hybrid (the mostly electric cart appears to derive additional power from a bunch of sweaty guys in suits).

Given that Gaddafi presides over one of the most oil-soaked countries on earth and counts more than 3000 gas stations in Europe as part of his vast portfolio of international investments, we take this as a canny attempt to appear more progressive -- clearly he's concerned about climate change and doing his part to combat it. And if you're not, well, he just might shoot you in the face.

Martin Kaymer's Extreme Neckwear Malfunction

Martin Kaymer's Extreme Neckwear Malfunction
When it's a little chilly on the first tee, we recommend a white cotton turtleneck. When it's downright cold, a cashmere version like this flannel grey Harrison* (on deep discount) should do the trick. When it's snowing, as it was at the Accenture Match Play Championship in Tucson this weekend, we suggest you book a flight to somewhere where it's not snowing and play there. (There are plenty of nice courses in Maui, where it shouldn't start snowing until at least 2013.)

Whatever you do, though, never wear what Martin Kaymer, the world's newly crowned top-ranked player, was wearing this weekend. On Sunday's broadcast, we learned the hideous scarf-like accessory assaulting his neck is a UV Fishing Buff by artist and retired Florida Keys fishing guide Vaughn Cochran.

The UV Fishing Buff is made from Coolmax Extreme fabric and features a black fly fishing lure pattern that we're pretty sure is guaranteed to actually repel oysters and mollusks, not to mention creatures with actual eyes. The only time to wear such a thing is if you're skippering the S.S. Toolbag. Never ever wear one a golf course.

* Harrison's quality is as variable as Bubba Watson's golf swing. Some of their sweaters are our favorites; others barely make the Vietnam Veterans clothing donation bin. Inspect carefully before committing.

Bill Murray Triumphs Over Knitwear

Bill Murray Triumphs Over Knitwear
Golf is a gentleman's game. If you work up a sweat, you're working too hard. Go back to the driving range and smooth out your swing. There's no need for performance polyester polos, ever.

For thirty years Bill Murray has been quietly -- albeit in a visually loud way -- preaching this gospel. As far as we can tell, he is the only golfer of note -- pro or amateur -- who consistently wears long-sleeved wovens on the course. Don't let the hats that even Tyler Perry wouldn't wear distract you. Don't be put off by the fact that he invariably looks like a sack of dirty laundry when teeing off. Style-wise, he ends up in bunkers and hazards more than Charles Barkley, but his allegiance to the long-sleeved woven -- starting with his iconic turn as Carl Spackler in Caddyshack and continuing through his first Pebble Beach victory yesterday -- is as straight and true as a Tiger Woods drive (back when he was good).

Earlier: Five looks for accepting the Masters green jacket that make Murray look even better.

Earlier: Putting and drinking -- do they mix?

Bubba Watson: A Toolbag With MB Tendencies, or Vice Versa?

Bubba Watson: A Toolbag With MB Tendencies, or Vice Versa?
Yesterday Bubba Watson won the Farmers Insurance Open at Torrey Pines. He has a driver with a hot pink shaft and buttons his polo shirts like he should be wearing a tie (note the N-2 rule), but give the man credit for recognizing the value of wearing a visor when one has a full head of long hair. This look (bottom) is at arfully disheveled as his golf swing.

Earlier: Ask the MB: Visors.

Ask the MB: Dad's Tuxedo

Tom, what happened?
Tom, what happened?
Q: Hello! I'm sending my mother and father to the San Francisco Opera for Wagner's Ring Cycle and it has been formally requested that all men wear tuxedos to opening night. This has sent us on a search for the perfect tuxedo. Now, we already know that you recommend a double-vented jacket for maximum bastardliness, but on the matter of the pants: pleated or plain? Thanks so much for your magnificence!
--Amanda-Louise


A: In Apocalypse Now Lt. Col. Bill Kilgore had his boys play Wagner's Ride of the Valkyries because "it scares the hell out of the slopes!," but it shouldn't scare your father from flat front trousers. Middle age is no excuse for pleats. Like smoking grass leads to heroin addiction, they're gateway attire to sweatpants, followed closely by full-on tracksuits.

MB Note to Rickie Fowler

MB Note to Rickie Fowler
Son, once you win a PGA tour event, go ahead and make all orange your signature Sunday style. Until then, it's a TTH look that's a cross between an Oompa Loompa and a construction cone.

Ask the MB: Tiger Woods' Sunglasses at The Masters

Ask the MB: Tiger Woods' Sunglasses at The Masters
Q: No comments about Tiger's Nike sunglasses at the Masters? I hope they enhanced his game, because they did nothing for his already lacking MB-ness.
--Nate


We know Woods spent the last few months in sex rehab, but based on his appearance at the Masters, we're wondering about the cure. To our eye, it looks like his therapists have simply stuck a pair of super-dark blind-guy glasses on him in the hope that they will prevent him from spotting trashy blonde blabbermouths in the gallery. And fed him a lot of donuts. On the bright side, he's wearing a collared shirt. And every day you can stay off the mock turtlenecks is a good day.

Top 5 Ways to Make the Masters Green Jacket Look Even Worse

Top 5 Ways to Make the Masters Green Jacket Look Even Worse
The Masters Green Jacket is without a doubt the most shapeless piece of poly-blend, gold-buttoned hideousness we would happily wear. As ugly as it is, however, if you devote 99.9% of your life trying to keep the putterhead square through impact, there's a good chance you can make it look even worse.

Bernhard Langer 1985 Green Jacket
#5 Bernhard Langer, 1985
First, Berhnard Langer spent 18 holes looking like history's only Aryan Temptation. Then, he donned the green jacket and transformed himself into history's largest elf.


Larry Mize 1987 Green Jacket
#4 Larry Mize, 1987
What's the golf equivalent of showing up to the Oscars without a speech written in case you win? Wearing a striped purple polo that you might have to combine with a green blazer.


Tiger Woods 2005 Green Jacket
#3 Tiger Woods, 2005
The only thing that can make Tiger's text messages to porn star Joslyn James seem relatively tasteful: his toolbag casual mock-n-blazer combo. ("You are my fucking whore. Hold you down while I choke you. And make you stare at my stupid Nike shirt until your eyes puke.")


Ben Crenshaw 1995 Green Jacket
#2 Ben Crenshaw, 1995
Ben Crenshaw does his best impression of a golf nut's bulletin board.


Nick Faldo 1990 Green Jacket
#1 Nick Faldo, 1990
The most convincing case we've ever seen for a five-button Green Jacket? Nick Faldo's argyle fireman sweater.

MB Endorses: Masters Tickets

2010 Masters Day Pass via Costco, $849.99
2010 Masters Day Pass via Costco. $849.99.
Maybe Gatorade was right to drop Tiger Woods as a sponsor. He's making his dramatic return to golf at the Masters next month, and yet tickets are readily available. So readily available, in fact, that you can get a day pass at Costco for only $850. It's seriously worth your consideration. You get your choice of attending Thursday-Sunday, and have full access to the The Lodge on Magnolia which is about an 8-iron from the entrance. $850 + travel is a lot of bread, but trust us: If you haven't already, this is one thing you need to do.

Ask the MB: Magnificent Golf Shoes

Ask the MB: Magnificent Golf Shoes
Q: I need to buy a new pair of magnificent golf shoes, but I don't really know where to look. Any ideas??? Thanks!
--Blake


A: Unfortunately golf shoes have followed in the footsteps of running shoes and gone all ugly space-age (top), when MBs just want the golf shoe equivalent of New Balance 574s (bottom).

It's difficult to offer suggestions in such a depressed golf shoe environment, but last season's Puma Club Shoe works and is on sale for $70. Also keep your eyes on eBay for Adidas and Puma models when they were cool, like back in 2008.

Y. E. Yang Could Learn From Colonel Sanders

Y. E. Yang Could Learn From Colonel Sanders
Not so MB: This ain't Wimbledon! White visor, white shirt, white belt, white glove, white pants, and white shoes (not pictured: white undies and white socks). Even Colonel Sanders (inset) knew enough to mix in a black string tie and pocket square.

Very MB: Newly-crowned PGA champion is 37 years old with a headful of dark hair and chooses the perfect headwear to highlight its existence.

Ask the MB: Golf Bag and Towel

Ask the MB: Golf Bag and Towel
Q: I'm always looking to swap out my golf gear for better, more MB-ish accessories (simplify, simplify, simplify). I am currently looking for the best golf bag and towel. What is the stylish gear the leggy-model in your banner is carrying?
--Your Supplicant, Kevin


A:

The Bag: The Original Mackenzie Walker. We guarantee this is the best golf bag you will ever own. It will also be the last golf bag you ever own. The only problem is that it's $735.00. But worth every penny, and probably a value if you consider you'll go through 4-5 ordinary bags in your lifetime.

The Towel: Available at every Ritz Carlton worldwide. Right next to the hand towels and washcloths. Anywhere from $179.00 to $3,700/night depending on room size and view. (Pictured: Ritz Carlton South Beach)

Ask the MB: Phil Mickelson's Golf Shirts

It's John Daly's *pants* that have the drinking problem
It's John Daly's *pants* that have the drinking problem
Q: I recently noticed Phil Mickelson wearing golf shirts with shorter than standard short sleeves. As a guy with short muscular arms I would love to get shirts with these extra short sleeves. Where does he get them or are they made special for him?
--Ron


A: Phil Mickelson has a large endorsement deal with Callaway, so it's a very safe bet they make his shirts. And, being the #2 player in the world, he can get Callaway to make anything he wants. (Though someone at Callaway should have the courage to tell Phil to add a little material around the torso. It's looking increasingly sausage-like, with a side of manboobs.)

Anyhow, we strongly endorse shorter sleeves on polos, especially if you have pipes worthy of display. The sleeve length on many of today's golf shirts, one can't tell if they're short long-sleeves or long short-sleeves (see John Daly at last week's St. Jude Classic). But don't make this a big concern. You can have your golf shirt sleeves shortened to taste by a tailor for $10-$15. And if you're cursed with Mickelson's waistline, try to find a tailor who moonlights as a plastic surgeon.

Ask the MB: Beer on the Golf Course

Ask the MB: Beer on the Golf Course
Q: What is the MB stance on drinking beer on the golf course? I like beer as much as the next guy and have been known to enjoy a beer during a round. But I turned a buddy down during a recent round when he asked if I wanted one. Aside from any possible negative effects on my score, the reason was that I realized that about 95% of the people I see drinking beer on the course exhibit all the symptoms of a toolbag (cargo shorts, untucked shirts, Oakleys, taking way too long, etc.). So I came to the conclusion that, while drinking beer while playing may not be inherently toolbag, it becomes toolbag by association.

So what says the MB? Is drinking beer on the course ever acceptable? If not, is there an acceptable alternative alcoholic beverage?
--Brett


A: Brett, you started off by asking a question, and then, after some toolbag observation and deductive reasoning, answered it on your own, correctly. Well done. As for Part 2 of your question, we never drink on the golf course as it negatively affects performance, again, as you observe. However, once we putt out on 18 it's a stampede to the bar that's sometimes a potentially life-threatening The Who-like experience.

Loudmouth Golf Pants

Loudmouth Golf Pants
We're all in favor of bringing back some '70s style to the course -- the MB in the header photo is wearing vintage flowered Lilly Pulitzer shorts -- but Scott Woodsworth's Loudmouth Golf is an homage gone horribly wrong:

Top: John Daly at the BMW PGA Championship at the Wentworth Club, England, over the weekend in Loudmouth Golf's "Disco Balls" pants. Looks like a clown's pajamas.

Bottom: The "Chicks Dig Loudmouth" photo gallery is a toolbag extravaganza.

Ask the MB: Another Cool Pair of Pumas

Ask the MB: Another Cool Pair of Pumas
Q: Well I went looking for the Dassler Kapitans (from the post on April 27, 2009) at Puma's site and they only have one size...for people with very small feet. Guess I missed the window on those. Any suggestions for a comparable alternative? Also, what is the shoe the MB has on in the current header, out of curiosity?
--Gregory


A: Too bad on the Kapitans. There are a couple pair in larger sizes available on ebay for only $83.11, but in a lighter brown. Also, keep your eyes open on store.puma.com because they do restock.

For a substitute, take a look at the Roma Re-Luxe which is available in many sizes at Zappos. We've probably said this before, but Puma is redefining men's footwear, and we're totally on board. Now men just need more things to wear these with besides denim.

Regarding the golf shoes the MB is wearing in the header photo, they're Adidas "modo Delmar," and are widely unavailable. One thing we've learned about Adidas golf shoes, if you find a pair you like, buy a half-dozen of them because they will be completely gone the following season.

Ask the MB: Polo Under a Blazer

Ask the MB: Polo Under a Blazer
Q: I agree with the no t-shirts and sport coats philosophy, but what about sport coats and polo shirts? I have seen some people doing it, but I'm still not sure what to think about the look yet.

Thank you for this site, you are helping me become a better person.
--Tom C.


A: We're OK with it during the same timeframe as white jeans. If, however, you can handle your nerves on Sunday at the Masters, you have permission all year round.

From top:
* Doug Ford and Arnold Palmer (1958)
* Tom Watson and Gary Player (1978)
* Bernhard Langer and Jack Nicklaus (1986)
* Vijay Singh and Tiger Woods (2001)

Boo Weekley Clothing Line Signals Apocalypse Within Spittin' Range

Boo Weekley Clothing Line Signals Apocalypse Within Spittin' Range
During yesterday's coverage of the Verizon Heritage, CBS did a small promo piece for hillbilly PGA tour player Boo Weekley's new clothing line. From the man who last year used the front bunker at 18 at Harbour Town Golf Links as spittoon (top), next time tee it up with the "Boo" jersey stretch long sleeve mock neck in "mossy oak duck blind" print (middle).

In other news, winner Brian Gay took a 3-shot lead into Sunday. You reckon tournament organizers could've found a tartan plaid jacket within 3 sizes for the likely winner? Sheesh.

Kenny Perry: Just Too Much Toolbaggery to Overcome

Kenny Perry: Just Too Much Toolbaggery to Overcome
Yesterday Kenny Perry nearly defied all odds and became the oldest (and least stylish) man to win a major. But, alas, no:

From top to bottom:

* Split hem pants with the equivalent of running shoe golf shoes. Leave this European-style pant hem to those who can execute it, like Ian Poulter.

* Excessive wrist, hand, and visor accessorization. Wedding ring negatively affects grip pressure.

* Plastic green tee. No joke! Gross violation of the principle of organic materials.

* Toolbag caddy Fred Sanders. Seals the deal.

Winner? Angel Cabrera.

Ask the MB: Turtleneck Clarification

Ask the MB: Turtleneck Clarification
Q: I'm unclear on your turtleneck position. Are saying it was only ok in 1968 and for chaps much more MB than I'll ever be? I have a navy tall mock turtleneck (taller than a mock but not enough to fold over) that I love. Not MB?
--Scott


A: We're saying McQueen, Player, and Newkirk helped make the turtleneck forever cool. If you don't have enough material to fold over, or let flop down in an artfully disheveled way, then you ought to keep it in your closet. Or perhaps burn it. Anything even veering towards mock should be avoided or you might start looking like Tiger Woods. And that ain't good.

Ask the MB: White Leather Belt

Ask the MB: White Leather Belt
Q: Does the MB have a white leather belt in his quiver? I have noticed a trend in fashion to don the WLB with certain styles or retro. Your take?
--Stephen


A: Yessir, an MB has one of these arrows in his closet, and it's especially appropriate on the golf course/retro. It's not the easiest to pull off, but if there's doubt just think of Johnny Miller in 1976 on his way to a British Open title.

What's Wrong With This Picture?

What's Wrong With This Picture?
The winner -- total toolbag Paul Azinger -- is wearing a mock turtleneck. The loser -- MB-ish Nick Faldo -- in an artfully disheveled collared shirt.

It's one thing for Mr. Azinger to be unstylish -- that's par for the course with him -- but does he need to dress up the entire team in that awful outfit?

In spite of the lopsided victory, that photo will not stand the test of time. In 20 years people won't be looking at the winning 2008 Ryder Cup team and say, "Geez, those guys really had style back then." Exactly the opposite.

Greg Norman Loses in Style

Greg Norman Loses in Style
The Shark's signature final-round folds remain the same, but thankfully his wardrobe has changed. Eschewing bright colors and patterns in favor of neutrals, now he chokes in style. Might this style evolution be the influence of new bride Chris Evert?

Top: Norman at his last triumph in 1993 at Royal St. George's, looking quite peculiar

Bottom Left: Norman on Saturday in white polo with ivory cashmere v-neck

Bottom Right: Norman on Sunday in black-on-black

Ask the MB -- Penguin Clothing Part II

Original Penguin white cotton 'Golfing' t-shirt  via bluefly, $21.00
Original Penguin white cotton 'Golfing' t-shirt via bluefly. $21.00.
Q: So I read your "missive" on Penguin clothing and was wondering what you thought about illustrated Penguin t-shirts like this one, featuring a guy teaching a woman how to play golf. Thanks.
--Pete


A: We like anything that demonstrates to the fairer sex the proper:

* grip
* stance width
* waist bend

For golf.

This question reminds us of the old joke about how you teach your girlfriend or wife how to play golf: A bucket of balls, a 1-iron, and a downhill lie.

Why Paul Goydos Had No Chance of Winning the Players Championship

Why Paul Goydos Had No Chance of Winning the Players Championship
Just look at the poor fella's outfit:

1. Mock turtleneck collar. The Tiger Woods influence; not just ugly but inappropriate for the golf course, or in public.

2. Shirt sleeve ambiguity. Are these long short sleeves or short long sleeves?

3. Unfortunate color choice. If you have sweat gland issues (it was just 83 degrees yesterday in Ponte Vedra Beach, FL) stick to white; nothing even remotely dark allowed.

4. Double-pleated pants. Not pictured.

Ask the MB -- Flag Pins

Ask the MB -- Flag Pins
Q: Where do you suggest I wear my flag pin? I thought the flag belonged on a pole. Am I wrong? Will the MB be wearing a flag pin? Is it different positions for men and woman?
--Larry


A: Our flag pins are sitting in a display case somewhere. 40% off!

MBs love their country as much as the next guy, and certainly don't need a lapel pin to remind themselves, and others.

Someone pass the memo to CBS Sports/CBS News President Sean McManus, who forces every one of his network's sports broadcasters to flag-up, except if you're Englishman Nick Faldo.

PGA Tour Goin' White T?

PGA Tour Goin' White T?
The new, unshaven face of the PGA Tour is Boo Weekley, tobacco-chewin' good ol' boy who lives in a mobile home. A few startling images from Sunday's final round:

Top: 2-day growth more appropriate for final round of bass fishing tournament.

Middle: Upon victorious approach to the 72nd hole, uses front bunker at 18 at Harbour Town Golf Links as spittoon.

Bottom: CBS's stock video shows Weekley in camouflage hat, which doubles for shootin' squirrels and other critters.

Ask the MB -- Visors

Ask the MB -- Visors
Q: MB: Ball caps? Nope, never worn them. Flip it backwards? Are you kidding me? Visors? Yup. Wear 'em. Even feel like a bastard at times. How 'bout you? Visors? I'm talking on the golf course, and off.
--C.D.


A: The highly-destructive Tiger Woods Apparel Effect has contributed to making visors quite rare these days. MB strongly endorses them, but only when both of these rules are met:

1. You're on a golf course, and
2. You've got the locks to show off.

(Clockwise from upper left: Fred Couples, Trevor Immelman, Phil Mickelson, Tommy Armour III.)

Worst-Dressed Golfer -- Briny Baird

P.F. Chang's Marketing VP Should be Fired
P.F. Chang's Marketing VP Should be Fired
The Masters is the official start of golf season, though it's never too early to add to the list of World's Worst-Dressed Golfers. Congratulations to Briny Baird for vaulting into 2nd place, right behind clubhouse leader Jim Furyk.

Greg Norman is the only player in history to successfully pull off the straw hat, and we've already demonstrated the career-limiting effect of the popped collar. To no one's surprise, Briny Baird has never won an event in 253 PGA Tour starts.

(Also on the Worst Dressed list: Tiger Woods, Arron Oberholser, and Rory Sabbatini Coming soon: World's Best Dressed Golfers.)

Saks' Golf Shoot Gaffes

Saks' Golf Shoot Gaffes
Jeers to Saks Fifth Avenue for letting this one go out the door:

1. Left-handed golf club not the best option for right-handed golfer.
2. Cross-handed grip typically only used for putting stroke, not bunker shot.
3. Caddy/domestic partner laying in bunker an obvious 2-stroke penalty.

Mickelson Overcomes Shirt Selection, Wins

Mickelson Overcomes Shirt Selection, Wins
Two weeks ago Phil Mickelson surprised the golfing world by unveiling a synthetic black mock turtleneck at the FBR Open (top). Surprising because he's lost some of his trademark man-boob look, but also because he copied the dreadful, un-MB synthetic mock turtleneck look of his nemesis, Tiger Woods. Mickelson promptly lost in a playoff to J.B. Holmes.

Yesterday, Mickelson shrugged off the shirt's bad luck -- and awful style -- again wearing the synthetic black mock turtleneck, and won by two shots at Riviera.

Ask the MB

Ask the MB
Q: What's your view on popping your collar? More specifically with polo shirts? Is it ever alright or is it a bad idea? Thanks MB.
— Tom


A: Well Tom, your question is answered simply by observing Phil Mickelson's career.

Top: In 1991, as a 20 year-old amateur with a popped polo shirt collar, Phil Mickelson won the Tucson Open and had to don that ridiculous conquistador's golden helmet.

Bottom: 13 years later, with an un-popped polo shirt collar (not to mention flat front pants), Phil Mickelson wins The Masters and slips into a green jacket.

Meet the Dockers® Golf Guy

'Crap, I Just Drove My Style Out of Bounds By Being a Whore for Dockers®'
'Crap, I Just Drove My Style Out of Bounds By Being a Whore for Dockers®'
Jim Furyk and Tiger Woods lead the Magnificent Bastard field of World's Worst-Dressed Golfers, but Arron Oberholser is making a hard Sunday charge with his tapered, creased pants and short/long-sleeve mock turtlenecks that look like underwear.

Arron's "ace-in-the-hole" to make the forthcoming MB Worst-Dressed Top 10, and style indignity par excellence: he's the Official Dockers® Golf Guy.

World's Worst-Dressed Golfer — Jim Furyk

PJs on the PGA tour
PJs on the PGA tour
Recently we called Tiger Woods the world's 2nd-worst-dressed golfer, and a few people emailed wondering who's No. 1 (so to speak).

Almost on cue, Jim Furyk wins the Canadian Open yesterday, in double-pleated pants and his signature tucked-in camp shirt that looks like pajama tops.

We're wondering where one can even buy something like that, besides the sleepwear section at Macy's.

Tiger's Style Trainwreck

2nd-Worst-Dressed Golfer
2nd-Worst-Dressed Golfer
Tiger Woods, the world's best golfer and 2nd-worst-dressed, continues to unleash his and Nike, Inc.'s abominable "style" on the golfing world. Johnny Miller, Chi Chi Rodriguez, Arnold Palmer — if they were all dead — would be rolling in their graves. Stay tuned (to ABC) over the weekend to see the latest Nike synthetic mock turtleneck styles.

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