ask the MB

Not sure if you should wear that Tommy Bahama shirt out tonight? The magnificent bastard is here to help. Go ahead. Ask away.

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channel: pants
  • Ask the MB: Pant Tucking

    Ask the MB: Pant Tucking

    Q: As we venture deeper into cold weather here in New York, I've noticed many guys walking around with their pants tucked into their boots. Initially, I vehemently opposed. On further consideration, I thought the look might be able to be achieved. Then upon even further thought, I dismissed it on grounds of TTH. Thoughts?
    --Josh

    A: It's not TTH (Trying Too Hard), it's TTHTLLYS (Trying Too Hard To Look Like Yosemite Sam). Tucking your pants into your boots shortens your legs, hence making you look short. Like Yosemite Sam. Unless you're 7'+, this is asinine and be only somethin' varmits do.

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    11.20.08

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  • Theory Thomas Avenue Pants via Saks Fifth Avenue, $185.00

    Theory Thomas Avenue Pants

    via Saks Fifth Avenue. $185.00.

    Ask the MB: Flared Dress Pants

    Q: I love flat front dress pants that appear to have a slight flare at the bottom of the leg (think "Doug" in Mind of a Married Man). But, I have a difficult time finding the cut and fit. I have a great pair by Theory, they are totally MB. Can you point me towards any makers with this fit? Any thoughts on this look?
    --Rich

    A: Rich, you indeed are an MB. Theory's slight bootcut dress pants make most men look great, and perhaps because of this, fellas have a little extra swagger in their step when they wear 'em. Heck, look at the MB-style pose of the model in this picture! One thing we do not and never will understand is the slim/skinny pant trend, which seems to be peaking (hopefully) in Fall 2008. About 5% of the male population can make this work satisfactorily, and 4% are under-fed hipster doofuses who play in some crap band. For the rest of the guys out there, all this cut accomplishes is making their ass look big.

    Anyhow, finding what you want in the slim tsunami is difficult, but John Varvatos is a good option (inset).

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    10.30.08

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  • Ask the MB -- Cargo Pants

    Ask the MB -- Cargo Pants

    Q: What are your thoughts on cargo pants? I see no reference under pants?
    --Clint

    A: Perhaps the best quote from 2007's Superbad is from Seth, played by Jonah Hill: "Nobody has gotten a hand job in cargo shorts since 'Nam!" Yes, we're talking about cargo pants here, but it's probably safe to say no one's gotten a hand job in cargo pants since Grenada, or at least Desert Storm.

    Once again, 14th-century English logician and Franciscan friar William of Ockham brings clarity to the issue of cargo pants: "All other things being equal, the simplest solution is the best." In other words, what the hell do you need all those extra pockets for?

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    9.26.08

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  • Movie Toolbags -- 'Nuke' LaLoosh

    Movie Toolbags -- 'Nuke' LaLoosh

    It's sometimes useful to look to cinema for reinforcement of style principles. When the creators of Bull Durham wanted to create a shlubby, clueless rookie pitcher "with a million dollar arm and the 5-cent head" they dressed Ebby Calvin 'Nuke' LaLoosh in:

    1. Pleated, linen pants. (Note the wrinkles!)
    2. Tommy Bahama-style camp shirt.
    3. Shiny gold watch and ring.
    4. Pinkie ring.

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    posted:

    8.15.08

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  • Ask the MB -- White Pants Q & A

    Ask the MB -- White Pants Q & A

    Q: Please tell me that the bastard on your front page banner isn't wearing linen pants.
    --John

    A: No, the Magnificent Bastard on the front page banner is most definitely not wearing linen pants, because we've all witnessed the disaster they turn into. Just cotton with a dash of elastane.


    Q: Again with the white pants. At the risk of sounding like Tim the homophobe, I'm concerned that you may not appreciate the gay factor of some of these endorsements. I have prepared this graph for your reference.
    --Thom



    Queerness Chart

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    posted:

    7.17.08

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  • Ask the MB -- Cuffs

    Ask the MB -- Cuffs

    Q: I just picked up a new Boss suit with flat front pants. Before taking it to the tailor I was curious what the MB's opinion was on cuffing. Should one cuff only pleated pants or both pleated and flat front, and if so how much of a cuff should be put in place?
    --Chris

    A: There aren't many cuffs around the MB offices (or pleats), but we're not opposed to them (like pleats). A couple of suggestions if you decide to go that route:

    Leg Opening: Cuffs work best on either something dramatically wide or dramatically narrow (pictured).

    Cuff Depth: Cuff it like it's not an accident. 2" absolute minimum.

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    posted:

    7.1.08

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  • Ask the MB -- Senior Moment

    Ask the MB -- Senior Moment

    Q: I know you guys love the Style Guy but he just made a huge error in the June edition of GQ. He said that you cannot take out the pleats in pleated trousers. They should buy their suits at MARK SHALE. They do it all the time for no charge and they turn out beautifully.
    --Larry

    A: We do like Glenn O'Brien (the Style Guy), though as you point out he is dead wrong about about removing pleats. Not just Mark Shale can do it; so can any competent tailor. Maybe he was having a senior moment like his contemporary, John McCain.

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    6.9.08

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  • Trying Too Hard: Richard Roeper

    Trying Too Hard: Richard Roeper

    Poor guy is nearly 50 and looking increasingly weird and bewildered with spiked hair and the occasional t-shirt under blazer look. On this week's Ebert and Roeper he demonstrates a couple of don'ts:

    Don't #1: 3-button blazer; buttoned while seated.
    Don't #2: Pants hemmed looking like he's expecting Category 5 hurricane.

    Another knock: poor guy recommended Speed Racer, the worst movie of the year by miles.

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    6.5.08

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  • Ask the MB -- Bulging Thighs

    Ask the MB -- Bulging Thighs

    Q: I work out a lot and am quite muscular, and I have a 32 or 33 inch waist, but most pants are cut for guys with much slimmer legs than me. My bulging thighs look like sausages in pants that otherwise fit me fine. Any tips, besides wearing Zubaz?
    --Sam

    A: To paraphrase German politician Otto von Bismarck, there are three things it's best not to see being made:

    * Laws
    * An MB's legs getting turned into sausages, and
    * A guy getting into a pair of Zubaz

    Sam, first thing you need to do -- something every MB needs to do -- is find a great tailor. For your existing pants, if they are dress pants, he can let out the thigh a bit so your rippling leg muscles have room to flex. A better option is to buy your pants a little larger -- to accomodate your bulges -- and have your tailor slim the waist.

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    posted:

    6.2.08

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  • Lounge Pant via Adam, $195.00

    Lounge Pant

    via Adam. $195.00.

    MB Endorses -- Lounge Pants

    Yeah, your un-MB peers might heap scorn and ridicule on the idea of spending $195 on what they likely refer to as simply "sweatpants." Screw 'em. When you're kickin' it in the Caribbean, and climb out of your villa's infinity pool and slip into this stylish pair of Adam Lounge Pants (made from the finest organic Japanese cotton, of course) you -- and everyone else who sees you -- will know exactly where that extra $175.01 went.

    (This post actually reminds us of a core MB rule that will be demonstrated more clearly in future posts: in order to look good, you gots to pay.)

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    posted:

    3.3.08

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  • Ask the MB -- Suspenders

    Ask the MB -- Suspenders

    Q: Pleated pants. We know they should be banned, but what if you like to wear suspenders; do you wear them with plain fronts? Is doesn't seem right.
    —Holly

    A: Holly, we presume this is for your husband or boyfriend. Either that or you're Annie Hall. Anyhow, suspenders with "plain fronts" is totally fine, and actually preferred to pleats. Just have a look at the pleats-suspenders combo on Lumbergh (with belt!) and Mork. Pleats just plain suck.

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    2.28.08

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  • Michael Bastian Moleskin Pants via Neiman Marcus, $530.00

    Michael Bastian Moleskin Pants

    via Neiman Marcus. $530.00.

    Hang 'Em Low

    All Hail Moleskin Pants! With Jack Frost finally nipping at our collective noses, it's time to get into a pair of moleskin pants, like this ridiculously overpriced version from Michael Bastian. They're soft, comfortable, and warm enough to prevent your nuts from turning into a couple of croutons.

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    11.14.07

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  • Ask the MB

    Ask the MB

    Q: I recently got back from a trip to Europe and saw a lot of guys wearing tapered capris pants there. At first, I thought no way, but in time it crept into my mind. They looked extremely comfortable, somewhat dressy, very stylish, and cool in the heat. My wife insisted they were strictly for the gay man. Your thoughts?
    --William

    A: William: We're not sure we can endorse capris for men, given that we don't like them on women. However, perusing the Pringle web site over the weekend we got a glimpse of their pants stance for spring 2008. If you've got nice-looking ankles, we say go for it.

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    11.4.07

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  • Wool/Cashmere Pleated Pant via Mark Shale, $175.00

    Wool/Cashmere Pleated Pant

    via Mark Shale. $175.00.

    Ask the MB

    Q: Have pleated pants gone out of style? Are they better for hiding my fat belly or not?
    — Scott

    A: Yes. Not.

    Nothing personal, Scott, but where in the hell do people get the idea that pleats hide fat bellies? Pleats are extra material, puffing out in the wrong place, that actually make you look fatter than you actually are.

    The only time we've ever seen successful pleat implementations is on short, slight, thin MBs trying to look a little bigger and older than the real thing.

    Stick to flat-fronts, make sure they fit properly, and hit the damn treadmill.

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    posted:

    9.17.07

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  • PJs on the PGA tour

    PJs on the PGA tour

    World's Worst-Dressed Golfer — Jim Furyk

    Recently we called Tiger Woods the world's 2nd-worst-dressed golfer, and a few people emailed wondering who's No. 1 (so to speak).

    Almost on cue, Jim Furyk wins the Canadian Open yesterday, in double-pleated pants and his signature tucked-in camp shirt that looks like pajama tops.

    We're wondering where one can even buy something like that, besides the sleepwear section at Macy's.

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    posted:

    7.28.07

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  • Etro Linen Trousers via Bergdorf Goodman, $103.00

    Etro Linen Trousers

    via Bergdorf Goodman. $103.00.

    BG Summer Blowout

    Bergdorf Goodman is having their "Final Sale of the Season", and there's free shipping with code BGJULY7.

    While there's some good stuff, be sure to avoid these Etro Linen Trousers. Sure, they might look nice on the model now, but literally seconds after that picture was taken they looked like shit. Don't believe us? Check out the time-lapse photography from a new MB feature: Linen. It sucks.

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    7.10.07

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