Not sure if you should wear that Tommy Bahama shirt out tonight? The magnificent bastard is here to help. Go ahead. Ask away.
Q: This is a time-sensitive request, so hopefully you will publish an answer soon. I am convinced other fathers will have the same question. I will be taking the kids to Disney World in December and was wondering what a Magnificent Bastard can wear on his feet for all that walking that will send the appropriate level of Magnificent Basterdness to the Crocs-wearing dads I am destined to see there. I don't want my feet to hurt, but I also don't want to look like...well you know what I would look like in Crocs or a similar kind of "shoe." Of course they can't be dressy because it's about as casual a vacation we can go on...short of spending all of our time on a beach, but I am sure Bastards such as yourselves can solve my problem.
--Jeff from Illinois
A: Jeff, first off, relax! Disney World is the one place on the planet where wearing a Tommy Bahama shirt may qualify you as the coolest guy in the room. Or to put it another way: If your goal as an MB-in-training is merely to outdo some Crocs-wearing stroller-pusher from Topeka, well, you're setting the bar kind of low! But what the hell -- baby steps, right?
Browse our shoe channel and you'll note our interest in classic sport shoes. In fact, visit the MB-recommended classicsportshoes.com and just about anything will do, though we seem to always end up in Adidas or Puma. One of our all-time faves is the difficult-to-find Puma California EXT, available in 8.5, 9, 10, and 10.5. And don't mess up the socks. Go for no-show or none at all.
Q: Based on this link I'm pretty sure this proves that plaid shorts are post-peak. I've loved my plaid shorts from Penguin and the like for 3 or 4 years now but I think the style is over. What are alternatives for shorts in summer if Tommy Bahama has taken to plaid short production?
A: One word, Bradley: jorts (top).
Just like Eddie Van Halen's toolbaggish, sleep-inducing, fret-jerking in "Beat It" couldn't kill the guitar solo, Tommy Bahama can't kill plaid. Next season they'll be back to florals (bottom). Wear the Penguins and the like without fear.
via Saks Fifth Avenue. $51.90.
Q: I'm trying to find a swimming suit. Do you have any suggestions?
A: Normally we bag pretty hard on Tommy Bahama ... after all their shirts are #5 on The Toolbag List. But you know what? They are really good at swimming suits, like these hibiscus printed "Hold 'Em" swim trunks. The elastic really grips your waist and is surprisingly slimming.
via Saks Fifth Avenue. $43.90.
Tommy Bahama's 40-something middle-management casual style is one thing, but need they compound the problem by giving their shirts toolbag names? Witness the "Bambooze Cruise Shirt." On sale!
Toolbag in the Wild
You have an uphill battle, my beloved MB. I offer you My Toolbag Weekend. In San Luis Obispo, CA for the 4th:
1) Short-legged 50-year-old man in long cargo shorts, orange crocs and Tommy Bahama Independence Day aloha shirt.
2) Tall man at dinner, every electronic device known to mankind, clipped to his belt with.... an electric blue carabiner.
3) Father of three teenagers, who know he needed to remove his ballcap upon entering the restaurant, so he attached it to the specially-made BALLCAP HOOK hanging from his belt, and lastly...
4) Ubiquitous TV ads for the buy-one-get-one-free amazing cell phone belt/car/shower clip. Only $10 while supplies last.
Good luck to you guys.
Q: I like belts, but the only way to show one off is to tuck your shirt in. That works with some shirts, but not all. What shirts do you think can be tucked without looking bad? What thoughts do you have specifically on tucking polo shirts?
A: We have addressed this issue before to some degree with a post entitled "The Tyranny of the Untucked Sport Shirt," and demonstrated different ways of making "tucked-in" work in an MB way.
Regarding polos, sport shirt rules apply: use the shirt's length as a tuck-in guide. For example, the poor fella in the Tommy Bahama polo (top) needs to either tuck it or move down two sizes. Or better yet, change brands. On the other hand, the fitted D&G pique polo (bottom) demands to be untucked.
via Nordstrom. $59.90.
Was once $120.00. Now $59.90. Do we hear 5¢? How about Nordstrom paying you?