Magnificent Bastard

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Jon Gosselin: Toolbag of the Millenium

Founding member, Hell's Toolbags
Founding member, Hell's Toolbags
Yes, we know there are 991 years until the year 3000. But does anyone really believe it's too early to declare Jon Gosselin Toolbag of the Millenium?









Death before dishonor. Dishonor before taste.
Totally about to kick the shit out of a car with his awesome business casual fighting skills. Or maybe doing the robot.
Apparently it hurts to wear this shirt almost as much as it hurts to look at it.
Flawless cigarette positioning completely destroyed by the fact that he's riding the world's only Oakley-branded lawnmower.
Toolbag Hold 'Em: I'll see your camo pants, and your beer gut, and your stupid hand gesture, and your lame backward Fred cap, and raise you a completely ridiculous bro-face!
Three-step plan to camouflage your bald spot: 1) Borrow Tommy Lee's belt. 2) Accessorize with Urkel's cell phone holster. 3) Go full frontal muffin top.
Using only the power of his mind, the Toolbag of the Millenium attempts to destroy the timeless style of the plain white tee.

POURCAST

BETA

Sazerac

  • 3 shots rye whiskey (or to taste)
  • 1 sugar cube
  • Peychaud's Bitters
  • quarter shot of Absinthe
  • lemon twist

Soak the sugar cube with the bitters and place in the bottom of a highball glass. Mash with the back of a spoon (or muddler, which we hope has not been used to make a Mojito), add the rye whiskey and fill the glass with ice. Stir for about 30 seconds and then strain into another lowball glass that has been rinsed with Absinthe and filled about halfway with ice. Garnish with a lemon twist.


In-Depth Sazerac Coverage:

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