Magnificent Bastard

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

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MB Can Safely Avoid: Dorts

MB Can Safely Avoid: Dorts
Until recently we could safely say that jorts were the worst thing to happen to summer since domed baseball stadiums. Then, someone invented dorts -- designer jean shorts. As the weather gets hotter, they're showing up everywhere -- just like mosquitos. Consider these things carriers of a deadly neuroinvasive style virus and repel at all costs.

From top:

John Varvatos
$185
Wear these dorts if you want people to think you robbed a midget hipster's cuffed jeans.


Adriano Goldschmied
$156
Bloomingdale's teaches us a shrewd retailer's trick. If your stock of medium wash AGs don't sell at $129.50, cut off their legs and charge more!


Antik Denim
$47
Have you heard the one about the doctor who removed a patient's perfectly functioning lung while leaving the cancerous one in place? This is the jeans version of that. The least offensive part of these things -- the legs -- have been amputated. The hideous malignant pockets are left intact. Who are the quacks in charge of pants surgery at Antik? They should be sued for malpractice.

POURCAST

BETA

Vesper

  • 2 oz gin
  • 1 oz vodka
  • 1/2 oz Lillet Blonde (Blanc)

Lightly shake, or aggressively stir, ingredients with ice, pour into chilled martini glass. Garnish with lemon twist or a blonde.


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