Vanity Sized
Note to our 6' 3" president: Go stand by Abe or Macron, not a 6' 2" prime minister!
Trump's height claim is as audacious as Levi's and Uniqlo gaslighting us into believing we're a 32" waist.
Note to our 6' 3" president: Go stand by Abe or Macron, not a 6' 2" prime minister!
Trump's height claim is as audacious as Levi's and Uniqlo gaslighting us into believing we're a 32" waist.
Having convinced our client to adopt fairly slim-fit shirts and sweaters, we felt confident trying the same approach with pants. It didn't work out. Every attempt from MB favorites Dondup, Myths, Uniqlo, and AG made our client uncomfortable, either being too tight through the thigh, or leg opening, or both.
Low-rise, testicle-snugging, ankle-exposing Italian party pants apparently aren't for everyone. This revelation forced us to pivot.
Just as no one ever got fired for buying IBM, we're hopeful the same goes for buying Levi Strauss & Co. We tried several different fits from the 511 (way too aggressive) to the 514 to the 502, and those, too, were out of his comfort zone, so we retreated to the roomy-thigh high ground of the 505, the original Levi zip fly.
1,2,3,4. Levi's 505.
Are we happy about this? No. A strong case can be made we just got our client into dad-fit pants. But we purchased items he'll wear, and the colors and fabrics we chose help make the uniform work. (We will post the one-touch uniform dressing app next week.)
We Threw This One Back
These didn't make the cut, but Uniqlo's Ezy Jeans are the invention many men have been yearning for: stealth sweatpants. As one reviewer says, To the outside observer, they appear to be jeans, but on your body, they feel more like sweatpants."
Budget Update:
4 Pair (Buy One, Get One 1/2 Off) | -$179 |
Shipping/Returns | -$25 |
TOTAL | -$204 |
PREVIOUS SPEND | -$434 |
INITIAL BUDGET | $2,000 |
BALANCE | $1,362 |
UP NEXT: The Blazer
Q: Long time reader with a style query:
For years, I have been unable to find casual pants that offer an appropriate degree of slimness and rise. For background, I lift weights moderately and exercise regularly so I never feel like my thighs have enough room in most standard slim-fit pants (H&M, Uniqlo, Levi's, etc.) On top of that, most slim-fit pants I've tried are low rise which seem - at least to me - to be too constricting in the ..er.. crotch area, and leave me looking like a flat-assed teenager. The problem is that regular fit or straight fit pants invariably have a rather schlubby box fit below and above the thigh, which really becomes apparent after a few washes. What is the correct amount of slimness and rise in a pair of pants for an athletic MB, and where should I look for this elusive clothing.
—George
A: George, have you considered skipping leg day?
We consider ourselves quite athletic and actually quite like to be a little bound through the thigh, and yes, even the crotch. We're not talking yoga-pant or needy girlfriend-level constriction here, just enough to feel vital, and remind us of why we bothered to ride 40 miles on a Saturday morning with a hangover so raging it felt like our head was the victim of an Andrew W.K. drum solo.
If that's not your thing, we don't judge. It's just that finding a stylish higher-rise pant with ample thigh room and a non-boxy fit through the thigh is like finding a Trump supporter who can actually afford to spend a night in a Trump hotel.
One suggestion, besides the simple, yet unacceptable solutions of parachute pants or Zubaz, is AG's "Graduate" fit. They're a little fuller through the thigh and still end up at just 7.75" at the ankle, a full ½" narrower than the Levi's 514 equivalent. Give them a try and let us know what you think
BETA
Soak the sugar cube with the bitters and place in the bottom of a highball glass. Mash with the back of a spoon (or muddler, which we hope has not been used to make a Mojito), add the rye whiskey and fill the glass with ice. Stir for about 30 seconds and then strain into another lowball glass that has been rinsed with Absinthe and filled about halfway with ice. Garnish with a lemon twist.
In-Depth Sazerac Coverage:
Ask the MB: Spring Cocktail Guide
×Currently in
Minneapolis, Minnesota
28° Overcast
Feedback? editor@magnificentbastard.com
Your dad might have a '64 911, a trophy wife, and a full head of dark hair, but we're betting he doesn't have a belt...
We haven't given Kato Kaelin a 2nd thought for nearly 30 years — about as long as our last post — but the...
We just learned that Allyn Scura, the official eyewear supplier of Magnificent Bastard, is closing down their...
Last week former Trump fixer Michael Cohen testified against his old boss in a civil trial, and under cross...
When the most exciting part of the 44th Ryder Cup was the hubbub around Patrick Cantlay not wearing a hat, you know...
Got a style question? We're all ears. And antlers. Ask away.
If you know about something you think we should know about, let us know (so we can pretend we knew about it all along). Send a tip.