Magnificent Bastard

Wednesday, November 20, 2024



2008

Ask the MB: V-Neck Sweaters

Ask the MB: V-Neck Sweaters
Q: Dear MB: I am writing to get your official position on a matter that arose last night between my girlfriend and I regarding sweaters: V-neck or crewneck? My girl (who claims she knows her stuff with clothing) told me to go with a crewneck and steer clear of v-necks if I am wearing a collared shirt underneath, as the V-neck would not be appropriate. I, on the otherhand, I prefer the v-neck and don't care for the crewneck, as it reminds me too much of those John McCain sport coat-sweater-tie combos that he was running around in last fall (sort of an older man's look to me). Does MB have an official preference for v-neck or crewneck sweaters, or am I just a dumb bastard for not listening to my girl?
--Ryan

A: We agree with you and not your girl. When Paul Newman died last year, we cited his v-neck-woven shirt combination as his life's greatest achievement. And just look at James Dean in a v-neck and woven. This is artful dishevelment defined.

As a side note, John McCain typically did do the coat-sweater-tie combo until, hopelessly behind late in the campaign, tried the v-neck look with disastrous results.

Sarah Palin Clothes Sorting Assistance

Sarah Palin Clothes Sorting Assistance
Yesterday the AP reported that Sarah Palin spent all day Saturday sorting through her clothes to figure out what's hers and what's the Republican Party's. This simply cannot be true, because it would take about 15 seconds for anyone with eyes to determine which is which. All that couture stuff? Those are the RNC's. All those shitty clothes? Those are yours. Done.

Take a look at this picture and just try to get the following Seasame Street song out of your head: "One of these things is not like the other things. One of these things does not belong." Sing it Cookie Monster!

Sarah Palin's Ass Really Not Looking That Great

Sarah Palin's Ass Really Not Looking That Great
Back in Alaska and cut loose from her GOP style handlers, Sarah Palin quickly went rogue and reverted back to Wasilla WT mom mode. Note that the hair clip is back. Golly geez those '80s habits are hard to break! Perhaps worse is her choice of denim. We applaud the bootcut (inset), but that fit is just not working for her buns. We'd recommend low-rise from AG or Hudson to rectify the situation.

Todd Palin: Proof that Money Cannot Buy Style

Todd Palin: Proof that Money Cannot Buy Style
In spite of her ass, we have a strong hunch that Sarah and Todd Palin will slowly fade back into obscurity, and end up as an Admiral Stockdale-equivalent historical footnote. Which is a shame because this is a couple that keeps on giving.

Yesterday Newsweek reported Sarah Palin actually spent more than $150,000 on her wardrobe and makeover, and big chunk of dough went to clothe her husband:

One aide estimated that she spent "tens of thousands" more than the reported $150,000, and that $20,000 to $40,000 went to buy clothes for her husband. Some articles of clothing have apparently been lost. An angry aide characterized the shopping spree as "Wasilla hillbillies looting Neiman Marcus from coast to coast," and said the truth will eventually come out when the Republican Party audits its books.
We find this report a little hard to believe. Unless he's buying gold-plated boxers, there just ain't no way $20-$40K is going for cheap-looking 3-button black suits, shiny red silk ties, logoed fleece, and square-toe oxfords.

'Joe the Plumber' -- What Not to Do

'Joe the Plumber' -- What Not to Do
Joe Wurzelbacher, also known as "Joe the Plumber," has hired a publicist and may run for Congress, but he's already got a full-time job as the anti-MB. Yesterday in Defiance, OH: inarticulateness, shirt-sleeve legibility, and tapered jeans with cowboy boots.

Cindy McCain in Tight-Fitting Top

Cindy McCain in Tight-Fitting Top
Cindy McCain is 54 years old, and in spite of the Mom Jeans (inset), and slight saggage, she's still cutting a reasonably stacked figure.

Sarah Palin: Putting Lipstick on Pit Bull Costs $150,000

Sarah Palin: Putting Lipstick on Pit Bull Costs $150,000
As early as September 4 we marveled at the dramatic hillbilly transformation of Sarah Palin. Now from Politico we learn that these sorts of full-on makeovers don't come cheaply: the RNC has spent $150,000 "to clothe and accessorize vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin and her family."

Specifically, $75,062.63 from Neiman Marcus in Minneapolis, and $49,425.74 from Saks Fifth Avenue in St. Louis and New York. Nothing, apparently, from "real America" retailer Wal-Mart. Macy's (again in very blue Minneapolis) at $9,447.71 is about as populist as she gets.

Meanwhile, in spite of wardrobe cash infusion, Todd Palin still looks like a toolbag.

Sarah Palin Rallies Draw Toolbags

Sarah Palin Rallies Draw Toolbags
Really no shock here:
Her recent events drew scruffy high-schoolers in backward baseball caps, tank-topped bikers in bandanas and long-bearded veterans in berets. They crashed the rope line for photos and autographs. "Marry me, Sarah," a man implored in Weirs Beach, N.H., while Ms. Palin held up a tow-headed toddler and patted his little chest. She ignored, or didn't hear, the proposal, but signed the dude's ratty baseball cap.
Shouldn't Tony Romo be studying game film?

What We Can Learn From Joe Biden's Tie

What We Can Learn From Joe Biden's Tie
* It's blue. Like usual. Barack wears the red one. Thems the rules.
* Symmetrical. The bad news: demonstrates a lack of creativity. The good news: his Senate desk is probably very clean.
* Small knot. You know what they say about guys with small tie knots? Exactly. That, and a knot this small is only achieved with a very cheap silk version. In other words, likely fiscally responsible.

Cindy McCain Says, 'Fuck This. I'm Going Farah.'

Cindy McCain Says, 'Fuck This. I'm Going Farah.'
Cindy McCain is an heiress to a large beer distributorship, and she'll be goddammed to let some WT chick from Alaska with bangs upstage her. So last night she pulled the pin, let it down, curled it, and went Farah.

Top: Cindy McCain, pre Sarah Palin
Lower Left: Cindy McCain, post Sarah Palin
Lower Right: Farah Fawcett

John McCain = Old Frankenstein

John McCain = Old Frankenstein
(All pictures -- except actual Frankenstein -- from John McCain's acceptance speech, Xcel Energy Center, St. Paul, MN. September 4, 2008.)

Hillbilly Makeover in Full Swing

Hillbilly Makeover in Full Swing
Give credit where it's due. She's got Hillary's gams, but the GOP is giving Sarah Palin a generally successful makeover, with neutrals and a bang-mitigation program. Mrs. Clinton, are you paying attention?

Sarah Palin as Shotgun-Toting Grandma?

Sarah Palin as Shotgun-Toting Grandma?
We've had a long, spirited editorial debate about whether Sarah Palin is more Texas polygamist sect (underage pregnancy, bun hairstyle, always following God's word obediently and happily) or Beverly Hillbillies (white trash, dropping g's, shotguns) and narrowly came down on the side of Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, as Granny!

Obama Campaign Throws Hillary Supporters a Bone -- Puts Michelle O. in Ugly Turquoise Dress

Obama Campaign Throws Hillary Supporters a Bone -- Puts Michelle O. in Ugly Turquoise Dress
It's been said that Michelle Obama's style icon is Jackie Onassis. But in a move clearly designed for Hillary supporters, Michelle Obama raided Mrs. Clinton's closet for a dress Jackie O. wouldn't have touched with a 10-foot pole.

UPDATE: The CBS Morning Show says Michelle O. hit a "fashion homerun." No surprise that they're a distant 3rd in network morning show ratings.
(Hat tip: Jared Parsons)

Ask the MB -- Hillary Makeover

Ask the MB -- Hillary Makeover
Q: Even the minions of the MB can see that Hillary Clinton is in need of some fashion assistance. If the MB were to provide her with some advice and consent what would you suggest that she do to amend her fashion mistakes?
--Chris

A: 15 years ago SPY magazine offered a good suggestion for Hillary's wardrobe: dominatrix. Unfortunately the United States Senate has clear rules against leather, whips, and chokers. So, here is our 3-point plan that might still get Hillary in the White House:

1. Ditch the Crazy-Ass Color Palette
Nobody looks good in head-to-toe royal blue. Or turquoise. Or especially the bumblebee yellow-and-black. Heck, that color combination even makes Bumblebee Man look sad. Go with neutrals. Try just black for once.

2. Implement Disproportionately-Wide Hip Mitigation Plan
For whatever reason, Hillary chooses to feature her worst feature -- those hips -- by repeatedly wearing pantsuits. Try a tie shirt-dress or, and this is really radical, a skirt. Yes, they expose the cankles but still preferable.

3. Abandon Dress Barn as Wardrobe Source
Or wherever she gets her current outfits. It's true: Prada does not make a size 18, but try Neiman Marcus or Saks and get into brands like Eileen Fisher, TSE, Gayla Bentley, or Shirin Guild.

From top:
* February 1993 SPY magazine cover
* Hillary at January 2008 campaign stop
* Bumblebee Man
* Gayla Bentley tie shirt-dress

Hillary Clinton -- Unfit for Higher Office

Hillary Clinton -- Unfit for Higher Office
Hillary Clinton returned to the U.S. Senate yesterday, and according to National Public Radio's David Welna, appeared in a "resplendent turquoise pantsuit." Don't be fooled. This is just a politically correct public radio euphemism for "ass-ugly granny wear."

The American people have somewhat clearly spoken: Anyone who dresses like this simply cannot be president.

EARLIER: Hillary in a different turquoise getup nearly one year ago.

Ask the MB -- Senior Moment

Ask the MB -- Senior Moment
Q: I know you guys love the Style Guy but he just made a huge error in the June edition of GQ. He said that you cannot take out the pleats in pleated trousers. They should buy their suits at MARK SHALE. They do it all the time for no charge and they turn out beautifully.
--Larry

A: We do like Glenn O'Brien (the Style Guy), though as you point out he is dead wrong about about removing pleats. Not just Mark Shale can do it; so can any competent tailor. Maybe he was having a senior moment like his contemporary, John McCain.

Et tu, Obama?

Et tu, Obama?
Apparently Barack Obama's decided that being a black presidential candidate is enough of a handicap that he can't also go without the U.S. flag lapel pin.

Compromising one's accessorization principles is not any way to start a general election, no matter how great a speech you can give, or how perfectly you tie a four-in-hand knot.

Total Toolbag: Harold Ickes

Total Toolbag: Harold Ickes
Does anyone in the Clinton campaign have even a shred of style? Hillary is clearly a disaster, and it's rubbed off on senior advisor and head worm Harold Ickes, yesterday on Meet the Press strobing like a discotheque in an ill-fitting checked blazer paired with checked shirt.

My Panties are This Big!

My Panties are <em>This</em> Big!
Hillary Clinton at last night's debate still sports her trademark matchy-matchy Garanimals style, though thankfully turns down the turquoise.

Someone please help this poor woman not accentuate her unflattering midsection. It's enough to make us want to flee to Canada. Tim Gunn where are you?

Ask the MB

'Vegard' Sweater Vest via Ragdaddy, $56.00
'Vegard' Sweater Vest via Ragdaddy. $56.00.
Q: I have a couple of sweater vests. My wife says if I wear one-- I will lose my magnificent bastard title and will have to start a web site called, Dirty OLD bastard. She said I could ask the MB to break the tie. So what do you think? Sweater vests? Should they have been buried with Mr. Rogers or can I wear one?
— John

PS-- I found your web site after my favorite site, National Review Online linked to it. Please don't discuss politics. It's the only thing you and I don't agree on.

A: Well, Mr. Rogers (RIP) was a cardigan man, and that's a post for another day. Regarding sweater vests, the degree of difficulty is quite high, but your wife is going to have a hard time convincing us this Moods of Norway sweater vest isn't completely mental. So if they're stylish enough and you're feeling adventurous, we say wear 'em. With a crisp white shirt underneath and the sleeves rolled way up, to your biceps. Match this look with killer tortoise shell eyewear and before you know it you're the second coming of James Dean (in his intellectual phase).

About the politics thing, we promise to discuss it very little, and vote for the most stylish candidate. Or the one with the hottest wife.

Hillary Clinton — The Garanimals Candidate

The Garanimals candidate
The Garanimals candidate
At last Saturday's Yearly Kos Convention, Hillary Clinton wore a turquoise jacket, turqouise necklace, and turquoise earrings.

This is a clear cry for help. An outfit that says, "I have no style. I couldn't possibly pull together something that's not monochromatic. I like turquoise. For chrissakes can someone please help me?"

This poor woman cannot become president simply because of the style disaster she'd unleash.

Worst Campaign Idea Ever

Please let's nip this in the bud
Please let's nip this in the bud
Last week the Washington Post reported on the Clinton campaign's "tentative dip into new neckline territory."

If this is a trial balloon, consider it the goddamn Hindenburg. No one -- especially not a magnificent bastard -- wants to see the cleavage of a fully unsexy, unstylish 60-year-old woman with cankles.

POURCAST

BETA

Sazerac

  • 3 shots rye whiskey (or to taste)
  • 1 sugar cube
  • Peychaud's Bitters
  • quarter shot of Absinthe
  • lemon twist

Soak the sugar cube with the bitters and place in the bottom of a highball glass. Mash with the back of a spoon (or muddler, which we hope has not been used to make a Mojito), add the rye whiskey and fill the glass with ice. Stir for about 30 seconds and then strain into another lowball glass that has been rinsed with Absinthe and filled about halfway with ice. Garnish with a lemon twist.

In-Depth Sazerac Coverage:

Ask the MB: Spring Cocktail Guide

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