2024

Ron DeSantis Has a Footwear Problem

July 7, 2023

Ron DeSantis has much bigger problems than being bad at campaigning, a bad voice, and bad at not being an unlikable dick.

Yes, we're talking about his footwear.

Of course there was last fall's comical white go-go boot show Photoshoppers used to turn Ron into a green M&M and an obese Dallas Cowboys cheerleader.

Over the 4th of July there was a new shoe incident at a New Hampshire parade. Standing here drenched, he looks to be wearing orthopedic coal miner boots for the vertically challenged.

They made his daughter cry.

We were so taken aback by these clodhoppers, we were wondering where a guy could even buy some. The closest we got was the Monster Boot collection at Halloween Express.

Can you locate these? The first reader to send a link to Ron's black boots will be sent a complimentary Minimum Viable Wallet with three straps of their choice. Send a note to editor@magnificentbastard.com.

Attorney Malpractice: Cutaway Collar

May 9, 2023

We haven't paid close attention to the Donald Trump rape trial, but yesterday it became unavoidable as live blogging made its way to the NYT home page.

Closing arguments were notable because Trump's attorney, Joe Tacopina, went on for two hours. Also notable: Trump's attorney, Joe Tacopina, is one of the last men on the planet who should wear a cutaway collar, just ahead of Meatwad.

Earlier: Spread collars make your face look fatter

What Glenn Youngkin's Win Means For Donald Trump: Shopping

November 4, 2021

Left: Glenn Youngkin as quintessential middle-aged toolbag. Right: Sad shopper.

In 2016 we made an unimpeachable case that Donald Trump won the GOP nomination primarily because voters were raging against establishment casual and casting ballots against anyone wearing a zip mock neck sweater.

That Republican Glenn Youngkin won a blue-state gubernatorial race clad in a fleece vest means that L.L. Bean is again a safe space for 2024 GOP hopefuls.

We predict that Donald Trump — ever the follower — will soon appear in meekly-rolled sleeves, a yellow Ashli Babbitt cause bracelet, and zippered fleece of some kind.

Next week: How to pick a vest that doesn't make you look like Glenn Youngkin.