Q: Hey Bastards: I have a good friend whose springtime wedding this year was postponed and is now set for October. Granted, we're in southern California, so the elements won't really be a factor, but what does one wear to autumnal nuptials? Dress code is semi-formal, so I intend to wear a suit, but I don't want to go in brown tweed and look like an elbow-patched professor... or do I? Thanks. —Joe
A: Joe, we know you asked this in early Q2. Hope our reply isn't too late!
Whenever we see anything about dress code, we immediately recall "The X Way Out" chapter of Paul Fussell's Class. (Becoming an X person, Fussell argues, is the only escape from class.)
... X people tend to dress for themselves alone, which means they dress comfortably, and generally "down." One degree down will usually do the trick: if black tie is designated an X person appears in a dark suit (of a distinctly unstylish, archaic cut) and a notable necktie. If suits are expected, he omits the tie. If "informal" is the proclaimed style, his jeans will be torn and patched, his cords very used, if not soiled. If others are wearing bathing suits, X people are likely to show up naked.
As aspiring Xers, we'd probably show up in 5-pocket white pants, an unpressed point-collar shirt with an askew tie, velvet blazer, and some sort of sneakerized footwear. Basically the MB mandeer.
But if you insist on a suit, we recommend one that looks vaguely semi-formal when together, but when separated become casual pieces you can wear day-in and day-out. And also throw in the wash.
Something like this Boglioli fine-wale corduroy suit is exactly what we're talking about. The day after the wedding you can nurse your hangover at brunch in the pants and a $10 t-shirt, and at night pair the patch-pocket jacket (i.e. blazer) with shorts or denim or anything to finally cure the hangover with more alcohol.
If you insist on a tie, our own Italian Tickler would be a fun contrasting texture-on-texture play. It's also notable.
Thanks for using the proper form of "whose," and have a great time.
Our annual pilgrimage to Lambeau is expected to be colder than we were expecting, with a high of just 52 and low near 40. So we're getting dressed. (As always, check Pourcast to determine what cocktail to be consuming at any day and any time at any place around the globe.)
1. Pants. The best 5-pocket corduroy pants we've ever worn are Uniqlo's Slim Fit Corduroy Jeans. Indeed, you have to be slim and fit to wear these, but as the product description says, they do in fact "create slender, fashionable lines," work during the week, and have the versatility to play on Sundays. We're wearing them in off white. A tremendous value at just $39.90. They're vanity sized about 1 inch in the waist (so size down).
2. Belt. A critical element of our understated fandom gameplan is our own Game Day Belt. Made from the same Horween leather that's used to make the official NFL footballs, and constructed right here in the Twin Cities. Fits perfectly true to size.
3. Shirt. Five years ago we all got this Red Jacket long sleeve anti-jersey and they're still playing in the league. Yes, there is some legibility on the back, but it's the name of perhaps our favorite Packer and MB archetype Paul Hornung, famous less for his football than for his womanizing, drinking, and gambling. Fits true to size. (Lots of other options available from Mike Ditka to Johnny Unitas.)
4. Shoes. Sneakers and exposed ankles are usually the play call for mid-October Packer games, but given the forecast we're audibling into ankle boots. Since our all-time favorite TST chukkas have seemingly gone the way of Peyton Manning's arm strength, we're substituting them for these Joyks with beautiful thick white rubber whitewalls. (We may additionally substitute free-agent white laces.) Fits fractionally small.
5. Vest. We have a thing — bordering on fetish — for goose-down puffer vests. 313, Montecore, and Marville provide the best value, but if you have the cash Duvetica is the way to go. This version — along with a Hall of Fame headbuzz — will stiff-arm the dramatic post-game cool-down, and the blue-and-gold color combo is a subtle, tasteful nod to the Packer throwback jerseys (which the team will be wearing on Sunday). We always size down one for puffer vests, and this is no exception.
Combining our love of chronic traumatic encephalopathy-inducing bloodsport (aka, the NFL) with our passion for style, we present the first in a regular series.
Each week we break down the postgame press conference film and pick the best and worst-performing quarterbacks from around the league. We take their actual Passer Rating, multiply it by the proprietary Magnificent Bastard Dresser Rating, to arrive at their Total Magnificent Bastard Quarterback Rating.
Total Magnificent Bastard Quarterback Rating: 134.6
NFL quarterback or professor at University of Phoenix (if they had professors)? Palmer is the MB Player of the Week thanks to his unstructured, heartily-lapeled corduroy blazer and studied artful dishevelment. This is how we dress.
We admire Fitzpatrick because he was doing the lumberjack, er, lumberback for years before the look was in vogue. And because he recorded the highest-ever Wonderlic score by a quarterback. Yet he shows the pitfalls involved in wearing a machine-washed fused-collar shirt, and his lapels need to hit the weight room.
Who put Shaggy in a suit? MB coaching tip: If you bear a striking resemblance to a 1970s cartoon character, avoid Peyton Manning's "Toner Cartridge Sales Rep" look and go for a post-game look with a little more grooviness, like this.
Q: So I've got a work boat cruise party coming up in the middle of October (I live in Virginia). I'm at a loss of what to wear. I'm starting with a pair of AG's, a nice pair of not too pointed/not too square black Clarks loafers I'm at a loss of how to be bastardly magnificent at this point. I've got the Carolina Blue Gingham Shirt, but I'm wondering if maybe a solid shirt/tie and a simple blazer might knock it out of the park. It's easy to put in barely any effort to stand out style wise with engineers, but really looking to set myself apart. Thanks!!! --Wade
A: We're on record advocating for gingham as a year-round pattern, so definitely wear that shirt.
If you really want to hit it out of the park -- essentially becoming your office's Mr. October -- pair it with a brown corduroy blazer, like this one from Banana ($198), or this one from J. Crew ($138), or if you're flush this one by Etro ($990). It's the cocktailing equivalent of mixing ginger into bourbon lemonade; you're hitting the appropriate fall notes while your shirt and leisure activity read summer (and you can wear that blazer for the next 5 months).
Suddenly we're very thirsty.
UPDATE: The J. Crew version is now on sale for $99, $109 for Tall.