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Thursday, October 18, 2018



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World Cup Russia Predictions — Knockout Phase 1st Weekend

World Cup Russia Predictions — Knockout Phase 1st Weekend

It's down to 16. Who will advance? This weekend has four games, and we've run all the data through our proprietary algorithm that uses predictive analytics based on a coach's sideline presence to determine game outcomes. Here's what's going to happen, and why:

France vs. Argentina

Didier Deschamps — France
Jorge Sampaoli — Argentina

Gold bracelet. Chunky wedding ring. Ridiculously oversized watch. Between his excessive male jewelry and his "Bring me my goddamned Harvey Wallbanger!" body language, Deschamps looks more than ready to hit the Baccarat table at Caeser's. But at least his lapels are the right size. That gives him a slight edge over Sampaoli who completely undermines pretty good "Are you fucking kidding me?" Jesus Arms with a black blazer over black tee combo that Michael Lohan would be proud to rock at wherever Michael Lohan is rocking it these days. Plus it looks like he might be smuggling a couple keys of cocaine in his shoulder pads — and given recent news emanating from Argentina, that gives us pause.
MB Prediction: France, 3-1.



Uruguay vs. Portugal

Óscar Tabárez — Uruguay
Fernando Santos — Portugal

Uruguay rolled through the Group A like they were all riding on Óscar Tabárez's motorized scooter, but despite sleeve-rolling at near MB levels, look for Portugal to advance on the sheer will of Santos's artful dishevelment and insouciance. He's just not into that cigarette.
MB Prediction: Portugal, 1-0.



Spain vs. Russia

Fernando Hierro — Spain
Stanislav Cherchesov — Russia

"Dress for the job you want, not the job you have" is always good advice, and Spain's Fernando Hierro should have taken it. Instead, the Interim Head Coach is dressed like an Interim Head Coach — a solid performance (minimal accessorization, crest on the blazer) but nothing extraordinary, and the slightly oversized watch makes us wonder if he's truly a long-term fit. In the short term, it doesn't matter, because he's matched against Cherchesov, whose rumpled three-piece suit, black patent shoes, and over-sized ID Badge makes him look like he's head of security for a boy band from Novosibirsk. Sometimes in the World Cup, it's all about the luck of the draw.
MB Prediction: Spain, 2-0.



Croatia vs. Denmark

Zlatko Dalić — Croatia
Åge Hareide — Denmark

Obviously, Knockout Phase matches cannot end in a draw, but Dalić and Hareide are pretty evenly matched here, in the timeless and understated uniform of charcoal pants, white woven, black sweater. As far as accessorization goes, Hareide's black-out sunglasses are slightly outplaying Dalic's tie — but whatever advantage that gives him is completely erased by an ID badge that appears even bigger than Cherchesov's. And maybe even bigger than a Denny's menu. We're still debating that here at MB headquarters, but giving the win to Dalic in the interim.
MB Prediction: Croatia, 2-1.

Ask the MB: Is Yoga Bad?

Ask the MB: Is Yoga Bad?

Q: Is yoga bad?
—Aaron

Unbeknownst to many Westerners, there's more to yoga than asanas. Mind you, we're speaking strictly as spectators here — but even with our limited second-hand knowledge, we know that yoga is an ancient system of metaphysics that also places major emphasis on yoga pants, soy-based accent candles, and gentle breezes.

As you might expect, our restless hummingbird mind usually settles on the pants. We love how yoga can quiet the hips and self-actualize the pelvic floor. At the same time, we've also noted a recurring theme amongst some of the most devoted yogis we know: As their bodies grow more flexible, their minds turn rigid. Bikram class cannot be missed. Gluten is criminalized. Only compostable, eco-dyed hemp t-shirts will do.

So while our eyes say yoga is good, our heart-eye isn't quite as enthusiastic. Namaste.

Ask the MB: Hitting the Park in Style

Ask the MB: Hitting the Park in Style
Q: I'll be attending an upcoming spring training game featuring my favorite team, the Detroit Tigers. Any suggestions for shirt/hat combos that would show my support for the team and keep me looking MB?
--Randy


A: Two years ago we wrote a post entitled "How to be a Stylish Baseball Fan" for moments like this, and it's still got great stuff. We're big fans of Red Jacket tees, and also like Detroit Athletic Co.'s Briggs Stadium tee, celebrating the heritage of what's probably our all-time favorite ballpark (RIP).

As for headwear, we're not big fans of baseball caps in any context and think you should generally leave them to those who are actually paid millions of dollars to wear them. In their place, we recommend a straw fedora, like the Stanwix or one of our long-time faves, the Knickerbocker, both from Block Headwear.

(IMPORTANT NOTE: It's true that Charlie Sheen is winning the war that K-Fed started earlier this decade to make the trilby, or short-brimmed fedora, the official crown of toolbags. You can steer clear of any associations by always going for natural straw with a natural band, or no band at all.)

Ask the MB: What to Wear to Bears-Packers NFC Championship Game

Ask the MB: What to Wear to Bears-Packers NFC Championship Game
Q: Thanks for your style advice for attending sporting events. I will be attending an epic playoff game in Chicago this weekend. Any tips for a MB in training when attending (outdoor) winter sporting events? I don't want to do the snowmobile suit or work coverall look and some of our midwest neighbors are wont to do. Or, is it a conflict of interest to even provide advice to a Bears fan?
--Ryan


A: Your squad is 3.5 point dogs at home, against the #6 seed ... have you thought about wearing a Packers' jersey?

If that's too extreme, we recommend a fairly conservative approach. With good seats running between $1000 to $2000 on StubHub, you're probably shelling out a lot just to be there. With that in mind, do you really want to blow even more cash on a jacket there's a strong chance you'll only associate with depressing memories of Aaron Rodgers doing the Championship Belt in your house? Take Jennifer Aniston's lead and go with a Spiewak snorkel parka. It's as warm as it is cheap.

Ask the MB: San Diego Padres Uniforms

San Diego Padres pitcher Clayton Richard
San Diego Padres pitcher Clayton Richard
Q: Can the "not soon to be in first place" Padres 10-game losing streak be explained by their ridiculous jerseys this past Sunday?
--Richard


A: In a badly misguided effort to honor the military, the Padres have worn camo jerseys on Sunday home games since 2008, a full two years after camo became post-peak.

How to be a Stylish Baseball Fan

How to be a Stylish Baseball Fan
It's Opening Day (at least in some parts of the country) so let's play ball!

If you're shopping at the (Your Favorite Team) Pro Shop or mlb.com, being a stylish baseball fan is about as difficult as hitting a Roger Clemens fastball when he was tricked out on the juice. Bring your own heat this spring with an updated look that will separate you from the crowd. And above all, leave the glove in the trunk.

Headwear
Kevin Federline nearly sent the trilby to the big hat rack in the sky. With K-Fed's welcome fade from the public eye and careful rehabilitation from the likes of Brad Pitt, the trilby is back, and Modern Amusement's version will announce your presence with authority. Especially since everyone else is wearing a baseball cap, and a few of them are even backwards.
Modern Amusement "Take It Easy" Trilby, $58

Jersey - Top
Major league baseball players get paid millions of dollars to wear polyester. Unless you're under contract for 5 years, $35 million, skip the oversized faux jersey with sleeves down to the elbows. You go to the gym for a reason. Display the results of your hard work with these cotton t-shirt versions from Red Jacket inspired by the time before the designated hitter.
Red Jacket "Remote Control" Jersey, $45

Jersey - Bottoms
No fake holes, no whiskering, no fading, no obnoxious design on the rear pocket (none at all, in fact. See our chart.). This is denim with a capital D: straight-leg selvage in a dark wash. Versatile, too, like a utility infielder: they work at the ball game and the club later in the evening.
Citizens of Humanity selvage jeans in Virgin wash, $229

Footwear
Baseball is America's pastime, and Converse is America's shoe, on par with other really American-y things like hot dogs, apple pie, and Chevro... ah, nevermind. Complete the retro-cool look with this garment-dyed twist on a classic. Leave the space-age running shoes for the 10K benefit, and the white New Balance cross-trainers for inside the house.
Converse Jack Purcell shoes, John Varvatos Limited Edition, $110.

Ask the MB: Basketball Shoes

Ask the MB: Basketball Shoes
Q: I play basketball and my old hightops are tired. Is there such a thing as a basketball shoe that does not reek of toolbag? Growing up, I loved the Air Penny II. Do you approve? Do I need to stop playing the sport altogether? Help!
--Matt


A: We have about a dozen well-worn copies of Paul Fussell's brilliant book Class lying around the office. One its greatest contributions: a sport's class is inversely proportional to the size of its ball.*

How's your backhand?

(* Of course not every theory is perfect. If it were, a softball would be about the size of the moon.)

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Stir over ice, strain into a chilled cocktail glass, and garnish with a cherry.


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