I play racket/paddle sports and have hair almost to my shoulders. To keep it out of the way, I wear a light, nylon, billed cap. A cap that gets soaked with sweat after every session. Wash, dry, repeat.
I've thought about going full Bjorn Borg but would rather not risk the forehead tan line. (Even with sunscreen.) Plus, no bangs.
But Jamie Tartt on Ted Lasso, and a lot of other pro footballers wear a thin hairband which seems to work well.
And yes, I've thought about a visor as well, which I may throw into the rotation.
Where do the MBs fall on the topic?
Thanks,
— Tim
A: The hairband veers far too close to a women's headband for our taste. How long until Jamie Tartt's hairband has leopard print?
Visors are for golf.
But we're huge headband fans and fully endorse your adoption of this look.
If you're worried about a white Borg Band across your forehead, you could push it up a little, JMac style. This would result in a tan line little worse than wearing a hat. Albeit rarely, Borg *did* raise his well above eyebrow level.
Tim, you didn't ask us this but we're going to answer it anyhow: Q: Where's a good place to buy headbands?
Q: I wear collared short sleeve shirts a lot. I am a corporate pilot without a uniform. I found a pinkish shirt, which is a color I typically won’t give a second look but this one has a muted pattern and just has a certain appeal. What is the MB take on pink shirts? —Matt
A: This site's tagline is, "In Nolte We Trust." When we saw your question we recalled this picture of Yahweh from a couple of years ago.
So yeah, we're fans of pink shirts.
In fact, they're a wardrobe staple. We had staffers do a color count of their solid short-sleeve knit shirts (like what you're considering), and also their solid long-sleeve wovens (like what you would wear with a tie), and here are the results:
Winston on the odds of anyone else looking like Winston.
Q: The MB stance is to never wear short sleeved button up shirts because you can't roll up the sleeves giving an ultimate amount of artful dishevelment. But ever since Winston rocked the pattern short sleeved shirt on New Girl, I've been seeing them everywhere. Are they still off limits?
—Miguel
A: Miguel, the primary reason Winston Bishop (Lamorne Morris) rocked the patterned short-sleeve woven is because he looked like Winston Bishop.
If you don't look like Winston Bishop, there is a chance this could turn out badly, as you'll see in a minute.
With the help of Nate Silver and 538, we ran 1000 patterned short-sleeve shirt simulations with a random sample of 35 year-old urban-dwelling men, and here are the results.
Q: Long, longtime fan. So, Calvin Klein stopped making my favorite 100% cotton boxer briefs. I know, only halfway to MB chart, but these provided the perfect balance between scrotal space and glans restriction.
Anyway, I contacted CK to ask for a recommendation, and all I got was a generic copy/paste reply. Worse, they referred to their brand as Tommy Hilfiger, which - as it turns out - shares the sales infrastructure. Needless to say, I’m looking for an alternative, and turn to you for your wisdom and advice.
Kind regards, and keep up the good work, which is much appreciated! —Duncan
A: Reading your note at our editorial meeting the other day caused sudden trembling and nausea, as we wondered out loud if CK also stopped making *our* all-time favorite underwear: CK One Cotton Stretch Slim Fit Boxers.
They did.
This soon turned into a full-scale panic attack. Had we sufficiently prepped? Was there a lifetime supply of CK One Cotton Stretch Slim Fit Boxers in storage?
No.
We honestly had not felt this level of existential wardrobe dread since 1979, when we learned JCPenney stopped selling bell bottoms.
We don't have an answer for right now, Duncan. We're still sorting through our emotions, and also a lot of underwear sites. But please stay tuned.
NB: For those wondering why Duncan is referring to scrotal space, here is the original Magnificent Bastard Underwear Guide, from when we were less mature, and funnier.
Dunning is a leader in this space, partially thanks to their easily-removed branding.
Q: I just turned 50. I think I'm getting to the point in my life where I probably should no longer be wearing shorts on a regular basis (if at all). Are there any brands of lightweight pants that you would recommend for summer wear instead of shorts? Also, I don't know if it matters or not, but I'm a larger guy ... 6'1" and around 260 pounds. Thanks in advance for any suggestions you have. —Chris
A: Chris, at the half-century mark this is a wise choice. We're rarely in shorts except for active-leisure activities like golf, tennis, cycling, surfing, and impromptu au naturel testicle tanning.
We also have a rule: never be seen in shorts one minute past civil twilight.
Under normal circumstances we'd recommend echoing our summer regular-leisure uniform: cheap, slim fit, white, 5-pocket, 98 cotton/2 elastane pants at YOOX from obscureItalianbrands.
Here, no.
Our suggestion: Take a look at your local golf big box store, where menswear's best 5-pocket pant style innovation is happening. We're kind of blown away by Puma, Travis Mathew, Walter Hagen, Dunning, and Callaway all offering some remarkably sharp, lightweight pants that will meet your needs this summer. Work, too.
Puma calls their 5-pocket Jackpot pants "the best we've ever made." Customer reviews for Dunning's Player Fit 5-Pocket Golf pants range from "awesome" to "amazing."
The one bummer: they're all 100% some form of plastic. While this is obviously an egregious violation of the organic materials principle, for your 50th, we're giving you, Chris, special dispensation to give them a shot.
Left: 'Palmeres' 5-pocket ski pants. Right: 'Hiver' down ski jacket.
Hey thanks for the tip on the Rossignol boots. Pretty dope. And you nailed the size. Any jacket & bib/pant recommendations? —Adam
A: You're welcome on the boots. Glad you got them before they sold out (in black). We're looking forward to loading up on lifetimes' supplies next fall when Rossignol says they'll be reloaded. (Yep, they're that good.)
As for a jacket/pants recommendation, why not more Rossignol? Last week at our annual ski summit — this year at Sun Valley — we discovered the Rossignol concept store and learned there are three others at Aspen, Park City, and NYC.
That works for us.
While browsing, for pants we really liked the Palmeres, a "style that mimics five-pocket jeans." $350. No, they're not our beloved Naked & Famous Snow Pant Denim, but those are all long gone, even on eBay.
For the jacket, the standout was the Hiver. $550. It's packed full of "traceably-sourced" down, has a detachable hood, pass pocket, and subtle tricolor branding. Magnifique!
As you would expect, Rossignol fits slightly small. Go up one size.
An extreme case. Jonah Hill in a hot dog puffer vest.
Hi! Is there a puffer vest that you all recommend? Maybe a couple of different brands? I know you recommended Duvetica a few years ago. Are they still your #1? Other brands? Thank you! —Chris
A: Thanks so much for the question, Chris. We could go on forever about puffer vests as they're a wardrobe staple.
One warning before we list some options: these best suit taller, thinner MBs. If you're carrying a little extra bulk in your torso, the last thing you want to do is add bulk to your torso while the rest of your body keeps the same thickness. You will just look fatter.
With that caveat, we have three rules on puffer vests. They must:
1. Be filled with down. Goose is better than duck. 2. Have a collar (but not a hood) 3. Have some sort of elastic, whether it's the armholes or the waist. Both is better.
Here are a few for your consideration.
Uniqlo Ultra Light Down Vest. $49.99.
If you are merely puffer vest-curious and want to see if they're for you, by far the best gateway is Uniqlo's Ultra Light Down Vest. At just 50 bucks there is no better overall value. Uniqlo fits true to size but this is cut larger. Size one down. Gamefacing like the model is not allowed. Hey kid, you're in a $50 vest.
Aspesi Slim RE Down Gilet. $312 (from $520).
If we had to pick one puffer vest, this is it. Minimal, oozes quality, and has all the features: goose down, adjustable elastic hem, lycra armholes, zip pockets, and an interior zip pocket. Probably because Aspesi is based just a few miles from the Alps, these are packed with feathers and target US cocktail zone 5 and higher. If you are in a warmer cocktail zone it's likely overkill. Has long since replaced Duvetica as our top pick. Aspesi vests fit true to size.
Polo Packable Water-Repellent Down Vest. $169.
We're not normally one for logos but this polo player is retro, iconic, and lacks legibility. A better choice for warmer cocktail zones — or traveling to them — as it's lightweight enough to pack into itself. What's with the gamefacing? Again, not allowed, even at $169. Polo is a shade big. For our Polo puffer vests we go one size down.
Q: Hey Bastards: I have a good friend whose springtime wedding this year was postponed and is now set for October. Granted, we're in southern California, so the elements won't really be a factor, but what does one wear to autumnal nuptials? Dress code is semi-formal, so I intend to wear a suit, but I don't want to go in brown tweed and look like an elbow-patched professor... or do I? Thanks. —Joe
A: Joe, we know you asked this in early Q2. Hope our reply isn't too late!
Whenever we see anything about dress code, we immediately recall "The X Way Out" chapter of Paul Fussell's Class. (Becoming an X person, Fussell argues, is the only escape from class.)
... X people tend to dress for themselves alone, which means they dress comfortably, and generally "down." One degree down will usually do the trick: if black tie is designated an X person appears in a dark suit (of a distinctly unstylish, archaic cut) and a notable necktie. If suits are expected, he omits the tie. If "informal" is the proclaimed style, his jeans will be torn and patched, his cords very used, if not soiled. If others are wearing bathing suits, X people are likely to show up naked.
As aspiring Xers, we'd probably show up in 5-pocket white pants, an unpressed point-collar shirt with an askew tie, velvet blazer, and some sort of sneakerized footwear. Basically the MB mandeer.
But if you insist on a suit, we recommend one that looks vaguely semi-formal when together, but when separated become casual pieces you can wear day-in and day-out. And also throw in the wash.
Something like this Boglioli fine-wale corduroy suit is exactly what we're talking about. The day after the wedding you can nurse your hangover at brunch in the pants and a $10 t-shirt, and at night pair the patch-pocket jacket (i.e. blazer) with shorts or denim or anything to finally cure the hangover with more alcohol.
If you insist on a tie, our own Italian Tickler would be a fun contrasting texture-on-texture play. It's also notable.
Thanks for using the proper form of "whose," and have a great time.
Q: I love your site, why did I come so late to the party?? Just watched the movie Patton and watch George C. Scott exclaim about Rommel, "You magnificent bastard, I read your book!!!" as he bombed the shit out of his tank procession.
But now...I need more content!!
What is my question....hmmm....
Is it ever ok to flirt a little with your wife's sister?
—Dave
A: In response to your very good question, we first started developing a complex algorithm involving objective attractiveness differential between wife and sister; flirter's degree of flirting prowess; time and geo-location, presence of alcohol and/or other intoxicants; and whether or not Mike Pence's wife is on-hand to chaperone or not.
Then we realized: If you're asking us, you think there could be a problem. Which means there will be a problem.
Thus, our answer is relatively simple: The only time it's okay to flirt with your wife's sister is if you're already sleeping with your wife's mother. In that scenario, some well-played misdirection is highly advisable. In all other instances, you're just asking for trouble.
It's almost as though they've unleashed a dangerous and virulent toolbag variant. We've seen golfers at the club playing with them and having conversations while they're hitting a shot. We're not making this up.
As for a recommendation, perhaps our favorite purchase of 2021 are the Sony WH-1000XM4s. Your music and podcasts will sound terrific in them, but what you'll love most is the noise-cancelling technology that turns off the cacophony: the airplanes, the leaf blowers, the neighbor's dog, the kids across the street screaming "Lemonade!", and most importantly: that fucking guy on a call with AirPods.
Dear Bastards: I've been learning from you for a decade now and finally have reached a level of success as a professor. Being the classy gent I am, I would like to finally get a luxury watch of my middle class dreams. My dream is the IWC Portuguese Chronograph — a thing of refined beauty and taste. My only issue is that the case is 41mm and is 1mm too large. Given the pedigree of this brand and line of watch, can the 1mm be excused?
—Glenn
A: Glenn: Thanks for being a reader for a decade. That's deeper loyalty than shown by some of the people behind this site!
Regarding your request for dispensation to break the 40mm watch rule, there is precedent as we waived it back in 2018 for a reader who is 6' 5" and 350 lbs (and also for Kim Jong-Un).
Take our simple test: wrap one hand around the other wrist. If your thumb and middle finger overlap or touch, abide by the rule. If they don't, go ahead and enlarge your watch diameter 1mm for every 1cm of gap (46mm max).
As for this specific watch, to our eyes 41mm is slightly overwhelming the wrist of the IWC hand model, who, we're betting, can touch finger to thumb. We much prefer the understated watch/wrist proportions on James Bond and Q, or Phil Mickelson as he hoisted the Wanamaker trophy on Sunday with a 39mm Rolex Cellini.
Let us know what you end up doing, and congrats on being able to afford a watch that's more than the per capita GDP of Brazil.
Q: As a young activist/Marxist revolutionary in the Philippines, what's the best way to look good on the streets while still ready to take down an oppressive government?
—James
A: We suspect even a hint of New People's Army garb — a Mao cap with a red star, or green shirt — will get you jailed, or worse.
Our first thought was an updated Mao suit jacket — something like this — that Duterte's goons wouldn't pick up on, but would wink to the intellectual class that you're on the same team, and allow you to literally wear on your sleeve the Four Virtues its four pockets represent: propriety, justice, honesty, and a sense of shame.
But that thought didn't last long, once we remembered the Philippines is tropical. While we fully support your cause, if uniting the workers of the world means having to wear a buttoned-up wool suit jacket in 75°F dew points, we're out, and cannot recommend it for you.
Here's what we came up with instead, along with our rationale:
The shirt is climate-appropriate, foremost, with faint echoes of the Mao suit's utilitarianism and militarism. The shorts support the top, sharing the same elastane content and slim cut. And the shoes, while maybe not strictly proletarian, is an application of our high-low approach to outfits (and more importantly, they're comfortable on the streets). Finally, everything is black, which not only fulfills on the Maoist monochromatism maxim, is also practical when trying to slip out, undetected, to the nearest NPA camp.
Be smart, James. Stay safe. We wish you the best of luck.
Q: Greetings from Helsinki, Finland, and congratulations to you and the American people for the successful Nasa/Space X Beta-2 mission. It was an impressive show. It's a shame that the outfits were such a distraction. ISS commander Cassidy in cargo shorts and white socks. Your take? —JF
Yes, even in 2001: A Space Odyssey — Stanley Kubrick's disturbing vision of space travel — he never imagined anything as dark as astronauts in knee-length cargo shorts.
Getting into minimalist casual golfing lately. Find myself loving the game even more. Been using Driver, Hybrid, 5 iron, 8 iron, 50, 56, 60, and putter. What’s your set looking like these days? — Jack
A: Jack, depending on the size of your bag, with only 8 clubs they could each follow CDC social distancing guidelines. Very responsible!
Glad you're loving the game more than ever, but without a 3-iron how do you punch out from the woods? Or keep something beneath branches? We'd be lost without it.
Anyhow, to answer your question, here's what's in the bag, with occasional tasting notes:
Driver: Cleveland Classic 8.5°
Before Cleveland temporarily stopped making drivers in 2014, their masterpiece was the Cleveland Classic, the closest titanium has ever come to persimmon. You can still track this down on eBay.
3-wood: Titleist 906F2 15°
3-PW: Mizuno MP-18
We're Mizuno forged blade connoisseurs and this is the best set they've ever created. Almost too beautiful to actually use. Now that they're onto the not-as-good MP-20s, you can find them for ~$600.
52, 56, 60: Titleist Vokey Spin Milled
Putter: Ping Anser 3
Every year a bunch of goofy putters appear on the market, get Golf Digest gold listed, and disappear about as fast. We just stick with an icon, understanding that there is no $300 fix for pulls, pushes, the yips, and leaving anything low.
Q: Say you're wearing black shoes, blue jeans, and a white (or similarly neutral) button-up shirt. What belt are you wearing? Is it black? Does it have to be? —West
A: West, please refer to our super-scientific black shoe dressiness and belt blackness chart.
If you're at Point A, with something heeled and hard-soled that needs polishing, belt blackness requirements are high. (Also at Point A, with the outfit you described, you are in the Blazer Zone. See our blazer channel for tons of tips.)
As you move down the y-axis into sneakerized dress shoes (Point B), belt blackness drops precipitously. If we were wearing the Prada Spazzolato Leather Penny Loafers shown above, we'd feel completely comfortable in our 300-Year Sterling Silver High Plains Noir belt, which is MB longhand for "very dark brown."
Finally, further down the scale into sneakers (Point C), the belt blackness spec is loosened almost completely, sort of like traveling in the NBA. Here we'd be in a sport belt (like our own SAB) and, yes, even brown.
Next time you put on black shoes, apply the chart, and let us know what you think.
Q: Just found myself in possession of a 10 year old 911 convertible. The problem: lots of sun exposure, even here in northern CA. So I need a hat. No point in having a car like this and dying of skin cancer. So what do you think? The straw fedora seems dated, and with no small douche factor. Ball caps seem too casual. Sombreros have great coverage, but... cowboy hat? —Chris
But we recommend against wearing a hat. Thomas Magnum P.I.'d at 21° N — compared to your less UV-intense NorCal ~36° N — and he rarely donned the Tigers cap behind the wheel of Robin Masters' 308 GTS. Why? We believe it's because he (and Rick) knew: there is no better hair stylist on earth than Mother Nature.
What you need instead is some good face protection. For jaunts you'll be fine with our previously-endorsed Verso #2 Day Cream. Fantastic stuff. Need to make a run for the border? Quick, throw a sombrero in the trunk and put on some Neutrogena Sensitive Skin Face Liquid. Unscented, non-staining, 50 SPF. We agree with the reviewer who says it's the "Holy Grail of sunscreen."
Thanks for the question, and enjoy the many good hair days that lie ahead.
Q: I just bought tickets to The Nutcracker for December 6th in Minneapolis. What would a Magnificent Bastard wear to a ballet? I have a new grey cashmere turtleneck by 8, I want to wear if possible. —David
A: David, glad to hear you're into an 8 cashmere turtleneck. 6 years after our original recommendation, we still have a strong buy rating on this item, and it's definitely on the ballot for the forthcoming MB HOF.
To complete the outfit, consider:
1. PANTS: Makers & Riders Travelers Jean in Coal. $89. A few weeks ago we said we'd try these and we're glad we did. They're not just stretchy (6% spandex) but also remarkably flexible: we cannot think of an activity or event where they wouldn't feel right, including The Nutcracker. Owner Chris Ontiveros is closing down Makers & Riders so get these before he shutters, or we sell him out. (Seriously, we're buying enough of these to last 50 years.) Use the code MR15 for 15% off. NB: These are vanity-sized by a full 2 inches.
2. BLAZER: 8 by YOOX in Glen Plaid. $179.
8 provides such great value there was panic last year when YOOX pulled all things 8 from their site. But just a few months later the brand was reincarnated as "8 by YOOX" — finally owning up to its corporate ownership — and it's better than ever. Their blazers are fantastic and check all the boxes: a modern fit, meaty lapels, and functioning buttonholes. This Glen plaid version is just $179. NB: Unlike everything else 8, the blazers run small. Order one size up, and if you're between, two.
3. SHOES: Pantofola d'Oro Brown Wing-Tips. $185.
Longtime readers know we've been fully sneakerized. But we respect those who are still dipping their toes into it, which is why we're suggesting these wing-tipped training wheels. NB: In the Italian style, PdO runs one size small.
4. FLASK: Wentworth Pewter 6 oz. Flask. ~$68.09.
Our live events involve lots of tequila shots, vodka Red Bulls, and overly-aggressive pat-downs. We're betting The Orpheum has none of those, and you may need help getting through the 2nd act. Will fit inconspicuously into the blazer's inside pocket; plus, Anglophilia.
Q: It's just topped 70 degrees and sunny in Seattle, which means" suns out, buns out" is in effect. It also means it's time for sunglasses. Currently, I'm using my father's vintage glacier glasses from the late 70s, with the leather side shades removed, but they're not prescription lenses and I'd like to have a less blurry world. What are your thoughts on sunglasses for those of us who wear prescriptions? Get Rx lenses in the sunglasses, go clip-on like Lennon, or just swap out our glasses as needed (in which case, what to do with the Rx specs while out in the sun)? —Brian
A: Indeed, if it's "buns out" clear vision is mandatory.
Long ago we wrestled with the same dilemma, first trying contact lenses plus regular sunglasses, then clip-ons, and finally settling on Rx sunglasses.
We recommend fast-forwarding directly to Rx sunglasses.
Lennon recording Imagine in 1971, two years after marrying Ono.
You didn't suggest contacts as an option — probably because you've worn them — and clip-ons are just too fussy and fragile and overall TTH. Also note that John Lennon is photographed wearing those clip-ons well into his Yoko Ono phase.
Anyhow, take your dad's old glacier glasses into Seattle's top-rated optician for Rx lenses and get their slimmest hard case. Swapping frames and dealing with a case is definitely not ideal, but we've found it's rarely an issue:
The number of times you're out and truly need both glasses and sunglasses are far fewer than you think.
In those situations there is often a puffer vest or jacket or blazer to slip it into without any trouble; surely it's a similar situation in Seattle as it is in Minneapolis.
Since we've fully embraced our own Minimum Viable Wallet technology there's now additional room in our pants, in a pinch.
Q: What is your position on turtleneck sweaters? —Aaron
A: We're big fans.
Although we were concerned a few weeks ago when, in an interview with George Stephanopoulos, it seemed like Michael Cohen could set back the cause of turtleneck sweaters 3-5 years. It was the biggest threat to the clothing article since 2012 when Michael Lohan tried it in-between tanks and mocks.
(Side note: A schlub like Cohen encroaching on established MB looks can have a real impact: Isaia's sales of blue checked blazers dropped more than 50% after he strutted around Manhattan in this one in October.*)
But the Michaels are no match for McQueen, Jagger, Bowie, Archer.
A few suggestions:
As with scarves, don't have anything in contact with your neck that isn't cashmere (or cashmere/silk).
Only a compression tee is less forgiving than a finely-woven turtleneck sweater. Unless you're built like Archer, pair with a blazer.
Rather than fold the collar like these guys, simply rely on gravity to let it settle naturally and unevenly around your neck (Principle of Artful Dishevelment).
Where should you look for good options? Where else but YOOX?** This, or this, or this are all great values. Their winter sale ended last night, but it will be just days until another one. Use our Twitter-based price-tracking tool (still in alpha) to be notified of price changes.
Top: Asics GEL Resolution. Bottom: Puma GV Special.
Q: I am trying to find something that I am not sure exists. I play tennis fairly regularly and I am looking for a performance tennis shoe that doesn't look like I just stepped out of an Academy. Currently I wear these (Asics). I like these a lot performance-wise, but I want something with a more vintage look like these (Nikes) or this (K-Swiss). Am I chasing a unicorn here? —John
A: John, those Asics you're wearing have "gel" in the model name, which we're pretty sure is a footwear prereq for enrollment into IMG/Bollettieri.
We play tennis year-round on clay, hardcourt, and even grass (see below) and have recently struggled with the same problem. For many years we wore the Rod Lavers — which are similar in style to the Nikes you admire — and while hardcourts shredded them faster than a 4.5 playing a 3, it was a small price to pay for their comfort and low-key iconicism.
Then in 2014 Adidas ruined the Rod Laver. They made them "freakishly heavy" with a sole that "feels like a 100lb slab of concrete," per the reviewers at adidas.com, with one critic adding, "If I could give a zero-star rating, I would." It's all true. Now they're discontinued entirely, which has led to the creation, naturally, of a Save the Adidas Rod Laver shoe" Facebook page. (BTW, please Like.)
Gone but not forgotten. The Adidas Rod Laver.
But you didn't ask for a recent history of the Rod Laver. You want a performance tennis shoe with a vintage aesthetic, and we have it: The Puma GV Special. Now, Guillermo Vilas was no Rod Laver, and they were released a decade later than the Rods (1980), but they're far more rugged, and maintain compatibility with white Borg-inseam shorts and McEnroe headbands. Plus, if you look hard enough you can sometimes find them for about 35 bucks. Try 'em out and let us know what you think.
About those grass courts...
One of the many great treasures of our home state of Wisconsin is Sand Valley Golf Resort in Nekoosa. Besides 36 terrific walking-only holes (with 18 more coming in 2021), they have 9 grass courts. So along with your 3-wood and white balls, pack your woody and white balls.
Q: Hi MB. Based on your recommendation, I recently got a Woolrich White Label Quilted Mill Shirt Jacket. I love it. Thanks. What are some great (and relatively inexpensive) scarves that you'd recommend to go with it? Thanks! —Chris
A: Glad you like that jacket as much as we do.
As for winter scarves, we have one hard and fast rule: must be mostly cashmere. It's the only thing soft enough we allow draped around our necks, besides the the drunk temp at the office Christmas party.
As for colors and patterns, we've had great luck pattern-matching all kinds of outerwear with Missoni's funky stripes. And in the case of this this jacket, it's irresistible going high-low, pairing a workwear jacket designed in Pennsylvania with a cashmere scarf designed in Lombardy, Italy.
But you asked for "relatively inexpensive."
One glance at YOOX, and you can play it safe with a solid grey scarf from Arte Cashmere ($67), or if you're feeling slightly more adventurous, there's a beginner plaid-plaid matching opportunity with more Arte Cashmere in black or khaki.
Q: Hello, MB! I have recently discovered the YNAP "8" brand and was impressed with the quality, design, and bang-for-the-buck ratio. However, there is not much information about it on the internet, your Sept 7, 2017 post being the most comprehensive material. Anyhow, 8 items are suddenly unavailable @ yoox.com, and I'm wondering whether you have any insight on this. Is this a temporary situation? Is the line permanently discontinued? Any thoughts would be great, thanks.
—Irene
A: We have a post that's the most comprehensive on the internet, no matter how esoteric? That's a first, and we are celebrating with a round (or two) of Magnificent Bastard Cocktails.
Yum!
We agree with you on 8, of course, and it would be a bummer if YNAP shuttered the brand. We asked YOOX about it via Twitter. While it's somewhat cryptic, and perhaps written by someone whose first language is Italian (check the time), it sounds like 8 might not be dead just yet.
Stay tuned right here, Irene, to the internet's leading source of 8 news.
Q: Hello MB, I am moving to Norway and I need a raincoat. Any recommendations? I'm looking for something lightweight and affordable. I'll also be bringing along my Mobster Galoshes (thanks for that tip)! —Jay
A: Jay, we're glad you like the Mobster galoshes. They're on our "All-Time Favorites" list … which only exists in our minds right now, but which we will someday publish when we think of a catchier name for it.
The Mobsters are made by Swims, which is based in Oslo, so let's keep things simple: Buy more Swims! Norwegian rain is probably not all that much different than American rain, but why take that chance? Get something by the locals.
Of course, Swims gear is actually manufactured in China, because Donald Trump is not President of Norway (yet). But it is engineered in Norway, where they are such experts in shitty weather they don't even call the piece we're going to recommend to you a "rain jacket," because any jacket you plan on wearing more than once a year in Norway better be able to hand the rain.
Don't believe us? Oslo gets 161 days of rain a year. Bergen, Norway's second largest city, gets 240! Seattle, only 150.
(No, you didn't just accidentally land on weather.com. But honestly, stopping making such a big deal about all the rain you get, Seattle. Compared to Bergen, you're a desert paradise.)
Okay, back to our recommendation. Take a look at the Genève, described as a "sporty, all-weather, all-day, all-seasons, all-purpose jacket." Which we suspect is the Old Norse way of saying "raincoat."
If you need technical proof, here are its specs: "20.000 g/sqm/24h, 20.000 hydrostatic water column." Yup, raincoat.
We don't own The Geneve — yet — but if we ever find ourselves living in a place that gets more than 150 days of rain a year, it will be high on our purchase list. And every piece of Swims outwear we do own has been a terrific investment.
So buy with confidence, and good luck on your exciting new adventure.
Q: I'm a big dude. 6'5, 350lbs. I wear a grizzly beard and teach high school English in Canada. I'm also a fiend for wristwatches. My daily work watch is an Omega Seamaster Chronograph (41.5mm). My weekend watch is normally a Sea Dweller (43mm). Both violate the 40mm rule you live by. The issue is, if I put on either of my Submariners (39mm), my Datejusts (36mm) or my DayDate (36mm), it looks like I'm wearing my mother's watch.
I get a ton of compliments on both the Seamaster and the Sea-Dweller, and really think they look normal on my wrist (read: they don't look like a Breitling Avenger II).
What should I do? Should I wear a smaller watch, or should I keep rocking the bigger ones? —John
A: Four Rolexes? How much do they pay English teachers in Canada?!
Anyhow, in the interest of keeping things simple, the 40mm rule was meant for most guys, not men with the dimensions of an NFL offensive tackle. Nor, apparently, for chubby leaders of hermit nations.
We hereby grant you — and also Kim Jong-Un — a waiver on the 40mm rule. So keep rocking the bigger ones. Unfortunately Mr. Kim is stuck; he's wearing North Korea's only watch.
Everyone else out there wondering if they qualify for a waiver, here's a simple test: wrap one hand around the other wrist. If your thumb and middle finger overlap or touch, you're good to go. If they don't, go ahead and enlarge your watch diameter 1mm for every 1cm of gap (46mm max).
Q: I teach at a college in the extremely Deep South — think swamps and alligators. I'm pretty happy with my general look, jeans or slacks with a woven button-up and a tie. Dress here is pretty casual; I think I'm the only faculty member who wears a tie. So, any suggestions on adding some variety to my look? Blazers or sweaters would be the solution, but it's too hot for any kind of jacket at least 8 months out of the year here. —Charles
A: While actually wearing a blazer in the blazing heat might not be an option, have you considered simply carrying one?
In our all-time favorite noir Body Heat, William Hurt rocks the look often during an especially severe Florida heat wave. (Although that was 1981, when the Keeling Curve was at a mere 335 ppm.)
If your arms are already full, consider a vest. While we're not on record endorsing vests — except for down-filled puffy ones — there is strong visual evidence that it works well for an educator like yourself.
Even if you don't look like Bradley Cooper, a vest would offer the variety you are looking for, mixing textures and patterns with your ties and wovens. As usual, try YOOX for a bunch of options. Let us know how it works out ... and keep that watch 40mm or smaller like Cooper does here!
Help! Previous "ask the MB" here (from all the way back in 2010 about the office booze cruise). I'm in need of fantastically MB watch for general use and upcoming wedding I will be attending. Sadly, both previously suggested O&W's are out of stock. I'm not a watch fanatic and go cross-eyed looking on watch forums for suggestions. Are there any other military inspired sub 40mm watches you recommend? What about this Hamilton?
Thanks. And by the way, the minimum viable wallet rocks. And these ties are 10/10 quality. —Wade
A: First, thanks for the comments on our gear. We agree! We're diligently working on a couple other things we can't wait to show off.
As for that Hamilton, while it fulfills the size and movement requirements, the dial is waaaaay TTH. Partial seconds? That's reserved for NBA shot clocks and the Olympics. And by our count there are 37 numbers, which is 1133% more legibility than the minimalist O&W Kartago (three).
We're not sure when the wedding is, but a timepiece isn't as necessary as, say, pants. Don't settle. Westcoastime assures us the O&W M-65 will be back in stock by the end of June (2018). That's a good watch. If you can wait a while longer, we're in contact with Mr. Wajs — the "W" in O&W — and negotiating on a small run of the Kartago to put in the shop.
Q: I'm looking for a versatile, high-quality, lightweight jacket that will impress me every time I put it on. Also, I live in Silicon Valley and only need some degree of wind/water protection. Any suggestions or guidance would be appreciated. —Sean
A: In a place where a disproportionate number of car doors open on the y-axis, we especially like the vaguely Steve McQueen-inspired Geox windbreaker we recommended late last year. It gets a disproportionate number of positive comments, and it's just 69 bucks.
We've kept our eyes peeled since you asked the question a month ago, and also suggest considering this equally sporty Jil Sander bomber ($252) or this Columbo-lite Belstaff peacoat ($222). Like the Geox, both are deeply discounted and available in a range of sizes, which is an almost irresistible contrarian "buy" signal that we rarely regret acting upon.
(Sale prices good through tomorrow — 3/30 — so hurry.)
Q: I just found your site and I am pretty thrilled someone is finally calling out the rules. I am a big guy so I tend to pay attention as much as I can to look good. I have just accepted a new position as a director at a cool museum. One of the largest and most prominent. My co-workers dress well and I need a primer for what to buy as far as basics. I want to dash the old frumpy look of a security director and add the young flavor and style to compliment my new administration. —Phill
A: Congratulations on your new gig! Follow our advice, and you'll be on the path to a wardrobe that may even have your colleagues in Acquisitions & Accessioning looking to preserve for the edification and delight for future generations.
Since you said nothing about a budget for this endeavor, we suspect that's not a major concern or constraint for you. But since you're starting from scratch, and don't have a firmly established idea of what you'll like best or what works for you, we're going to steer you toward options that represent good values.
Our point: When you're starting out, you want the freedom to experiment, without worrying about potential sunk costs and buyer's remorse. Or to put it another way, when you start golfing, you shouldn't buy Pro V1s until you've reached the point where you are no longer sending multiple drives into the woods and water every round. Develop your swing, then step up to $6 golf balls.
Okay, that's enough context. Without further ado, here's the MB Sartorial System — Young Museum Director Version (Fall/Winter). See below for assembly instructions.
SUIT [1] charcoal grey
When you and the mayor cut the ribbon for that new Impressionist wing, you're going to want to wear a suit. As you may have read, we're big fans of two-button charcoal grey ones. And you're in luck because Century 21 (our new favorite site, right up there with YOOX) has this Ralph Lauren version, likely in your size and with functional buttonholes, for just $220. (15 bucks off with code JOINUS31 for purchases over $150.)
BLAZERS [3] 1 velvet, 1 corduroy, 1 plaid
We've found this to be a winning combination of F/W textures to accompany the shirts and pants you'll see in a minute. Our go-to YOOX brand for value, 8, wants just $109 for their camel velvet version. (Choose one size up.) For the others, just make sure they meet our blazer requirements.
SWEATERS [2] 1 v-neck, 1 cardigan (both merino)
For under one of those blazers or alone on Casual Friday, you're going to need a couple of sweaters. A brand we recently discovered — and love — that provides perhaps even stronger value that 8 is +U Plusultra. Yes, its name sounds like a condom brand created by a marketing AI optimized for redundancy. But their cardigans (again, likely in your size) are now just $46.
SHIRTS [4] 1 white, 1 blue, 1 gingham, 1 plaid (all point collar)
Getting this right is key for a fully functional system. The white and blue shirts cannot have button-down collars, because you may use them with a tie (the gingham and plaid are fine with buttons). These days point collars are an endangered species, but hang in there and don't settle for a spread or cutaway that both fattens your face and will be at resale shops shortly. Century 21 has this Steven Alan plaid for a ridiculous $25 as a starting point.
PANTS [3] 2 brushed/moleskin, 1 corduroy (all 5-pocket)
It doesn't take a very stable genius to recognize that regular trousers on a big guy can send you into Trump territory fast. But that's not the only reason to go the 5-pocket route. 5-pocket pants are also more comfortable and modern, and can easily be dressed up for your new role. While Bonobos' version is more expensive than most of what we're recommending here, its straightforward style and overall utility make it a very safe investment.
BELTS [1]
We're normally not ones to toot our own horn, but we have created a belt that is not only a work of art, but will work with every system combination herein, including the suit. It's the 300-Year Belt (either in Classic or High Plains Noir), with a sterling silver buckle handmade by Arizona-based artist Mary Daugherty. (Free Secret Agent Belt with purchase.)
TIES [2]
OK, so maybe we are ones to toot our own horn. Both The Cosina Veloce and The Kakutani bring unique textures and a rakishness to the system on dress-up days. (Wear with both the white and blue shirts.)
SHOES [2] 1 shiny, 1 matte (both sneakerized)
Perhaps the easiest way to dump frumpy security director is via footwear. We've rhapsodized often about shoe sneakerization, and for both pair recommend splurging on something in the Common Projects vein, like these Common Projects dark brown will work with everything but the suit.
So, not counting the suit separates or the ties, this system provides 60 different permutations of pants, shirts, and blazers/sweaters. Throw out the handful that don't jibe (like the corduroy pants and corduroy blazer) and you still have enough variety to keep you going until spring, when we can do this all over again. Thanks for the question. It was fun.
A: This will take some time to figure out, but our first reaction to your question reminds us of the proverb, "In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king."
Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell, who looks as uncomfortable as we are seeing this picture.
Meanwhile, it's safe to say anyone attending last weekend's Republican leadership meeting at Camp David is out of the running, especially at the top:
Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell paired a brass button blue blazer with dad jeans and Hush Puppies.
Speaker of the House Paul Ryan, who's somehow devolved from his losing 2012 look, wore creased wide-legged khakis with fleece, beneath a suit jacket with underweight lapels.
If anyone has suggestions for Best-Dressed GOP please drop us a note and if we use your suggestion on air we'll send you free stuff.
I've decided to take up smoking again because, well, I'm a nihilistic millennial, and was wondering if I could get some guidance on pipe smoking. I was set on a Churchwarden's pipe, as it's distinctive but not predictable and overused like a calabash. I feel it meets the principles of archaism, senseless lack of utility and natural materials, but will it look like I'm trying too hard?
Yours Bastardly,
Erik
A: Thank you for smoking! We also appreciate your nihilism; your letter has given us a lot to be hopeful for as the holidays approach and we fret about where the world is heading. But choosing a 12" long pipe is the equivalent of a guy who wears extra-long ties.
As A.A. Milne, the author of Winnie-the-Pooh once observed, "A pipe in the mouth makes it clear that there has been no mistake–you are undoubtedly a man." But a 12" pipe is a signal that you really, really, really want to broadcast that message, and even dull-eyed observers will suspect there is some deficiency informing this effort. Don't short-change yourself in this manner!
Meanwhile, we agree on the Calabash; that is purely Sherlock Holmes costume-wear.
As a much better alternative, we recommend a Prince. While lacking the senseless lack of utility of a Churchwarden, it more than makes up for it with its Anglophilia. According to The Pipe Guys, it was fashioned for Prince Albert who would later ascend to the British throne as King Edward VII, and is also accurately identified by TPG as "simple and understated."
Howell vintage wooden cane with sterling and horn handle
Q: I recently injured my left knee and need to use a cane. The insurance company supplied an ugly blue aluminum number that looks like it came from a drug store. Since it seems that I will need a cane for some time to come, I am thinking of trying to find a plain aluminum one or getting a nice wood cane. What do you think? —P.T.
A: P.T., if you've read our recent post about peacoats and the wisdom of following MB Principles of Anglophilia, Archaism, and Organic Materials, isn't the answer obvious? You need a vintage wooden cane from England.
More specifically, you need a Howell cane. According to cane aficionado Canequest, the brand was founded by John Howell in London in 1832, and his canes were the shit with it mid-19th century Londoners suffering from knee injuries like yours.
As you might expect, eBay UK is the place to find them. We're so smitten with this £110.00 sterling and horn-handled version we may just pre-purchase in case of an ACL. Get it before we do.
Q: I recently bought a peacoat - dark navy, well fitted, none of those goofy epaulettes or anything like that. I say it's a timeless classic but my girlfriend says they're out of style. Who's right? —Peter
A: Peter your GF is so spectacularly wrong we're gravely concerned about any sartorial advice you may have taken from her.
Would Tom Ford be asking $4,950 for his peacoat take if he thought they were out of style?
We're big fans too, because the garment adheres to at least 3 key MB principles:
1. Principle of Anglophilia
It originated in the British Royal Navy.
2. Principle of Archaism
It's been a standard part of the United States Navy uniform since 1881.
3. Principle of Organic Materials
The definitive Naval Clothing Factory peacoat is 100% wool, with corduroy-lined pockets (cotton).
You nailed a few of our peacoat requirements (i.e. navy, flair-less, slim fit), and hopefully our most important one: a Three Days of the Condor Collar. You need to be able to stand it up tall like Redford.
When it comes to peacoat collars, size does matter.
Style blog consensus favors the Billy Reid "Bond" version ($695; pictured upper left), but the anemic collar is in desperate need of growth hormone, and is a disqualifying feature. For others who might be in the peacoat market, first check the local military surplus, and if you're flush consider this gorgeous Maison Margiela option.
Q: Hi MB, your summer might be over but sunlight never spares me here in Singapore. I am looking for sunglasses for cycling to work. Any suggestions? —Davin
A: We're big fans of Grant Petersen's Just Ride manifesto, which strongly objects to the ubiquitous spandex-infused cycling costume and instead favors "normal" clothing (even woven shirts!) for riding a bicycle*.
While he doesn't specifically address eyewear, we're adding a Just Ride corollary we're sure Petersen would approve of: no matter how long the ride, never wear cycling-specifictoolbagsunglasses.
Now that you're perhaps in the market for a pair of regular sunglasses, our all-time favorites are the Allyn Scura Angelo in Light Havana with bottle green lenses. They're simultaneously retro and modern, and work wonderfully for commuting rides, long rides, daydrinking, sitting around, whatever. Highly recommended.
*Does not include winter riding. Please consult our Biking to Work in Arctic Conditions guide for suggestions on how to do this both stylishly and warmly.
Q: You've been a big fan of "8" brand clothing over at Yoox, and I agree it's great bang for ze buck. But what do you know about their shoes? Kind of digging these sneakers. Might be hard to pass on for $100. —Joe
A: While we don't have as much experience with 8 shoes as 8 clothes, yes they seem equivalent in terms of bang for the buck. Two years ago we recommended these 8 Denim Sneakers as an MB Deal of the Week and we'd recommend them all over again if they were still in stock.
As for those joggers, they're now marked down to $89 and you better grab them before we do.
Side note: We've long suspected that 8 was the YOOX in-house brand, and despite a flat-out denial from Omar from Customer Service, we can confirm that 8 is in fact a trademark of YOOX NET-A-PORTER GROUP S.P.A., serial number 79186766.
(This fact should not diminish in the slightest enthusiasm for 8 stuff.)
Q: If the Walmart/Bonobos marriage gets consummated, can you recommend a Bonobos alternative? I refuse to give money to the evil empire. —Dave
A: Unfortunately, whether this particular marriage gets consummated or not, you are now faced with a grave question: Do you keep hooking up with a brand that (a) has seriously considered the possibility that Walmart would be a good home for it? And even worse is (b), in the eyes of Walmart, a highly desirable acquisition target?
Think of your dilemma as a variant on the old Groucho Marx koan: I don't want to belong to any club that would have me as a member.
While we're fans of Bonobos' moleskin jeans, it's otherwise not a brand that holds any special allegiance in our hearts. Mostly, it has always struck us as an attempt to leverage dot-com venture capital into, say, a slightly more colorful James Perse for the masses. In other words, Walmart's attempted acquisition of it seems like a logical and ultimately inevitable endpoint.
Thus, we say why wait until the marriage is officially consummated to start looking elsewhere to fulfill your clothing needs?
Just the fact that the deal has reached due diligence is a strong signal that we're at Peak Bonobos. In another month or so, they may come out with their own version of the RompHim!
Lucky for you, good alternatives abound. Here's a couple Italian brands we've recently discovered on YOOX that we highly recommend:
Myths
We own a bunch of Myths pants and shorts are they're both terrific. Fair warning: You may have to skip leg day every once in awhile in order to get them all the way on. Innovative combinations of fabrics and pocket lining material, and a senselessly-over-engineered-yet-charming 3-button closure system (even on the shorts). Mostly best for 18 holes or a casual workplace. True to size. Myths 2017 S/S collection.
Dondup
Without a doubt our current favorite trouser maker. Generally dressier and more expensive than Myths — and slightly more forgiving — these are pants you wear to the office with a woven, and so comfortable you keep on while transitioning your top to a knit at home. The only knock on these is a discreet, riveted gothic-font "D" on the rear right pocket (we've tried removing without success). They're modesty-sized; go up one and maybe two inches on the waist. Dondup 2017 S/S collection
Q: Hi. I like old school Nikes (Jordans), Asics, Adidas and so on. Is it MB to be a sneakerhead? I assumed it wasn't. Am I correct? —Richard
To paraphrase Craig Finn, certain brands they get so scratched into our souls. And when we really start thinking about it — and we have been, because of your question — we realize that many of the brands that have been scratched into our souls (and, yes, soles) deepest and longest are sneaker brands.
It's possible we were introduced to McDonald's, Mars, Inc., and Coca Cola earlier than we were introduced to Puma, Adidas, Pony, and Converse. These days, however, we go years without a Big Mac, months without a Snickers bar, and sometimes even a week without a Coke. Whereas we believe that there is probably no 72-hour period over the course of our post-toddler lives where we have not worn one of the aforementioned brands for at least a couple hours.
And of course those brands have company in our overall collections — a quick assessment of our three nearest closets nets approximately 140 pairs of sneakers from roughly 30-plus brands, with heavy emphasis on Golden Goose, Tod's, Diemme, and Maison Margiela.
That said, we've never owned a pair of Air Jordans, much less cleaned them with a toothbrush. So are we sneakerheads?
As we understand the term, sneakerheads seem to focus on (a) shoes that NBA superstars and other professional athletes might credibly wear in regulation play, (b) shoes that Captain America might go jogging in, or (c) shoes that Marc Benioff might wear while delivering a keynote address at Dreamforce.
While we can embrace option (a) in limited contexts — we're not going to play tennis in our Maison Margielas — options (b) and (c) don't appeal to us under any scenario. Instead, we stick to vaguely businified sneakers — i.e., sneakers we could wear to work without, as we've said in the past about sweatpants, making our colleagues wonder if we're about to dunk on them.
In the end, we think the best way to express our thoughts on this is a Venn diagram:
Q: What make/model of sunglasses has Paul Weller been wearing for the last 20+ years? Gold / single wing in gold across the top / rimless brown lenses. Seemed to be wearing them from mid '80s onward. Maddening.... —Andy
A: Andy, we asked our eyewear expert about these frames and he's confident Weller's glasses are a 1960s frame by Amor.
What's unique about these frames is they use a double-stick adhesive strip to mount the lens to the top rim. We're not making this up: the lenses are literally taped to the frame, using 1960s-era adhesive technology.
Which may account for their relative rarity today and also Weller's enduring allegiance to them. Fragile attachments often exert a strong psychic pull on us.
Anyway, you probably want to know how realistic it is to get your hands on a pair if you're not a fastidious rockstar with a well-cultivated and sufficiently capitalized sense of style.
Well, you're in luck. Not only does our eyewear expert Allyn Scura have a pair of the frames in stock — he also believes he's found the supplier of that double-stick adhesive tape. Send a note to info@allynscura.com if you're interested in a pair.
And speaking of Allyn — we haven't been doing our annual Allyn Scura Eyewear Contest for quite as long as Paul Weller has been wearing his Amor sunglasses, but we're just as attached to it. Next week, we'll be launching our 8th edition of the Contest. As always, the winner will get a pair of Allyn Scura frames (or credit towards a vintage pair). And there will be a bunch of MB goodies for the runners up. Please check back and enter to win.
PICTURED: Paul Weller reading George Orwell's 1984 in what looks like a Martini Racing watch strap. We have that strap (plus two others of your choosing!) available on a wallet in brown, black, and tan.
Q: I've my eyes on the Black Racer Jacket from Belstaff that you featured in your makeover header from a few years back. Is this jacket still MB recommended? I've found one for a pretty good price and in good condition on eBay and I'm considering whether to go for it. —Conor
A: When Google's self-driving clown cars are established as the only vehicles that can legally operate on our roads, the Belstaff H Racer may seem a little superfluous. But we predict that that's going to take a good five years. Until then, we endorse the H Racer, albeit with one caveat:
If you're under 45, wear the H Racer as you please.
Once you pass 45, certain conditions apply. In a nutshell, the skinnier you are, the longer you can wear an H Racer without looking like you're trying to recapture your lost youth in the wake of your third divorce.
More specifically, if you have a BMI of 21-23, you can the H Racer until you're 50.
If you have a BMI of 20-21, you can wear it until you're 55.
If you have a BMI of 19 or lower, you can wear it forever.
Q: My father passed away recently, and I've inherited his Omega Seamaster Planet Ocean 600M Skyfall. I'll be wearing it either way, but I just wanted to get your opinion: Is this watch suitably MB? —Matt
A: Whether it's a strong backhand, a weakness for good bourbon, or a slightly oversized limited-edition timepiece, we are big believers in honoring the entire catalog of what a father bestows upon his son(s).
To our coolly dispassionate eye, your watch is 2mm too wide, and we give the "007" on the dial a 4 out of 10.
Our verdict: Even if that Seamaster was passed down to us from our least-favorite uncle, we'd probably keep it and wear at least as often as we crossed paths with Aunt Miriam.
But yours is from your dad, and that's a whole different enchilada.
That you've already committed to wearing it regardless of what a somewhat unreliable website has to say about the matter suggests your pop gave you far greater gifts than a highly collectible watch. But the watch now exists as an immediate, highly tangible, and appropriately symbolic totem of your dad, your bond with him, and the way we mortals push back against the inescapable march of time with love, loyalty, and fantastically precise Swiss movements. And all of that is MB as heck.
We extend our sincere condolences for your loss, and are veering from our usual MB nightcap to raise a martini, shaken, not stirred, in honor of your dad.
Q: Love the site. Sorry don't have a burning menswear question other than, I was wondering, how many cards fit in the wallet you current stock? I like the look, but need to carry 2 credits and some other flat cards (library, insurance, metro) and am wondering if they'll all fit. —AJL
The Minimum Viable Wallet doesn't just boast a simple construction. It demands a simple life. While it can fit five cards, or even ten if, paradoxically, you have great patience and a lot of credit card debt, we designed it to work best with just three cards. It's a bit of choice architecture that keeps us judicious about what we really need in life — our driver's license, our Coutts World Silk Card, and of course our Trump Card.
Those three cards plus a wad of cash keeps us prepared but nimble. While we admire your commitment to intellectual development (library card) and urban sustainability (metro), the honest unvarnished truth is that because we optimized the MVW for the three cards we use, each additional card you add to the equation becomes infinitesimally more difficult to remove and insert. And we didn't create this wallet to make life more complicated — we created it to make life simpler!
If you ever decide to give up reading, planning for the worst, and one of your credit cards, let us know. Only then will we be able to sell you an MVW in good conscience.
Q: It's been awhile since you guys have talked about classic black shoes to go with any classic suit. Do you guys still subscribe to the semi-rounded Kenneth Cole oxford, or has a decade brought the square toe back? —Jordan
A: As you imply, it's been nearly a decade since we last addressed this issue. Specifically, in 2008 we created a Shoe Toe Pointiness Chart. While the shoes we were wearing then are long gone, the advice we dispensed remains sound. Indeed, whenever we are moved to produce a chart, it's usually because we are expressing a law that is based in some timeless geometric or mathematical principle of style. Just as gravity persists, so does the aesthetic appeal of a semi-rounded shoe.
Now to the second half of your question: Just because we're right about the correct shape of an oxford doesn't mean society always shares our opinion. And square-toed shoes have been so out of favor, so long, that in an era that celebrates nostalgic reappropriation and contrarianism, they seem like a shoe-in for a renaissance. And yet we still suspect the odds of that happening are only slightly higher than Tiger Woods winning another major anytime soon.
Kenneth Cole's "Bro-Tenial Leather Oxford"
Why? Frankly, we can't recall exactly why square-toed oxfords had their moment in the 1990s in the first place, but our off-the-cuff hypothesis is that their gimmicky novelty was the source of their appeal. Most shoes
were rounded or pointed — so square-toed shoes, and by extension, their wearers — were mavericks! Rebels, Macarena-ing to the beat of a different drummer.
But here's the thing: Who wants to present himself as a guy who thinks his best strategy involves steering as much attention as he can to his feet?
Even Kenneth Cole, who pioneered the square-toed vogue, eventually abandoned ship. His site currently shows 280 shoe styles, and only about six — or 2% — qualify as square-toed. And even they are mostly denatured and relatively streamlined descendents of the ubiquitous right-angled clunkers of Cole's heyday, the New York Oxford. Perhaps the one exception is Cole's "Bro-Tential Leather Oxford," which is exactly as awful as its name warns and unsurprisingly marked down from $118 to $79.
Q: I love your site and have been a reader for a while, but I don't think you have explicitly commented on this:
I know you like jacket lapel widths to be 3 1/8" or greater, but what is too wide (for 2017)? I recently purchased a great Lab. Pal Zileri jacket from YOOX and the lapels are pushing 3.5" inches. I wear a size 40 jacket, so the lapels end about half way between my collar and my shoulder. —Ben
A: As you suggest, our ideal lapel width is 3⅛ inches. If a jacket has lapels that are thinner than that, we're unforgiving: It must be released back to the wild. But if lapels come in a little wider than our ideal, we're more accommodating. The reason? Tom Ford expressed the principle that guides our thinking:
"There is something a bit meager and uptight about a skinny tie and jacket...I think that accentuating the natural V of a man's body makes men look more masculine, less boyish, and in general more powerful."
So exactly how much wider should you consider going?
That depends on how long you'd like to keep wearing the jacket in question. For us, 3⅛" is the golden mean that looks great in perpetuity. As our chart below shows, any deviation from that value, however small, decreases a garment's potential lifespan and puts its wearer at increased risk of future embarrassment and even shame.
At 3.5 inches, your jacket will continue to look good at least through 2025, and should not look violently out of fashion for far longer — provided, of course, Trump aide Stephen Miller does not stage a coup.
Q: I'm a big fan of the site and your store. Keep up the good work.
I would like to hear your thoughts on Trump's cartoonishly-long ties, especially at the inauguration. This is somewhat common for him although he's not consistent, as he will often wear them at an appropriate length. Given his obsession with his image, what messages is he trying to convey with the stupidly long ties? You wrote about this back in 2011 and it'd be great to have an updated analysis. Thanks. —Andrew
A: Back in 2011 we chalked Trump's excessive tie length up to an attempt to look boyish, like a kid trying on his father's suit.
Now that he's 70, and his face looks like an older, oranger slab of ancient Moab slickrock, we're pivoting from that analysis towards an explanation that's far simpler: obesity.
As Donald Trump loses the battle with his own personal borders and grows squarer and squarer, his long red tie must bear the increasingly heavy burden of creating an illusion of verticality. Note how a tie tied to MB-recommended lengths makes him look even wider.
While Trump's "tiet" is a visually sound tactic, it's risky from an engineering perspective: Trump's ties are now so long they're architecturally precarious.
To increase the load-bearing capacity of his neckwear, Trump uses Scotch tape as a kind of sartorial rebar. But how long before such stopgap measures end in catastrophe? President Trump, your ridiculously long ties need stronger reinforcement. It's time to put some of your beloved steelworkers back to work!
Q: Shirt buttoning policy was recently discussed at our corporate board meeting. I advocated for the MB endorsed n-2 formula (for men), but to no avail. While most agreed with the concept, the fatal flaw was chest hair, the exposure of which was seen as ungentlemanly in the workplace. We could not craft policy allowing n-2 sans chest hair, without exposing ourselves to discrimination suits from hirsute men, so we settled on the formula x ≤ n-1. Your thoughts? —Todd
A: Todd, while we admire your shaping corporate dress code policy based on MB-endorsed looks, we fear there might be some confusion: our n-2 formula relates strictly to knitwear; i.e. polo shirts.
Unless you work on the floor at Best Buy or for support at SmartTech this likely doesn't apply.
For wovens, which expose ~100% more chest at n-2 than most knits, n-2 is inappropriate for a professional setting and can easily devolve into Guido territory, even without the gold chain and chest hair.
In other words, we endorse the formula you settled on, with the caveat that if x is in fact 0 a tie should be part of the equation. So break out the 18-year-old Scotch and increase your cash retainers! Your board make the right call!
Q: As a longtime reader of MB I was surprised to see you recommend wearing a tie around your waist to accessorize. Seems to me that's veering pretty close to trying to hard. I mean, you really think this is a good look? Take a look. —Charles
A: Charles, we concur that wearing a full-figured tie as a belt is TTH. And if you think spread collars and the requisite Windsor knot worn around your neck makes your face look fatter, guess what it does to your ass if you wear a Windsor around your waist!
Our recommendation, on the other hand, was Joseph Kandell, who was laid off as a Barney's skinny tie, but then upskilled in NYC with D-rings and an Italian leather tab.
We're not saying this look is for everyone — our product copy states that "we figure maybe one in a thousand can wear these things successfully" — but given the right event and otherwise quiet dress, this accessory wins.
Q: I have my eye on a pair of those rabbit fur-lined gloves you endorse as an xmas gift to myself. I know it might not be totally MB to care about how the rabbit fur gets inside, but I've seen a couple of PETA rabbit fur videos and don't want any part of them if they're made using that technique. Please tell me they're free-range rabbits and are only used for glove lining after they die of natural causes. —Ben
A: Ben, would you like us to tell you that there's a Santa Claus too?
Sorry, we can't sugarcoat it. But at least the answer we can give you is not as awful as what you might be expecting after watching those videos, which document what PETA saw at some angora rabbit farms in China.
Here's what Fratelli Orsini told us when we asked about the source of the rabbit fur they use in the gloves:
The shell of the glove is Italian lambskin and the rabbit fur comes from either France or Belgium where rabbits are used as a food source and therefore the pelts are used for gloves and other garments.
In other words, if you're okay with wearing a leather belt that comes from a farm-raised cow that ended up as a hamburger, you might find the gloves acceptable too. If not, you will have to continue your quest for free-range fur. If you choose that course, let us know how it goes.
Q: I need guidance on dressing for a Christmas party. Unfortunately, dress code is unknown (and my girlfriend doesn't think this is a big deal) but this is my first time meeting any of her friends from outside of our mutual friends. All I know is that it's at the friends apartment in Manhattan and that he works for Facebook (so a broad gamut of possibilities exist...).
I was thinking of just layering a white button down with a cashmere v neck sweater and a blazer with some dark jeans, but I wanted backup. My most casual blazer is a black corduroy one that fits well, but no idea if that's MB approved. I would probably just go with a dark grey cotton blazer that I have instead. I want to be a little dressy, but without going overboard and I figure with the blazer I can ditch it right away if I'm overdressed.
Ended up rambling a bit, but any advice would be greatly appreciated! —Jeremy
Our gut instinct is to pair it with a pair of camel moleskin 5-pocket pants. These were once plentiful on the web but have inexplicably moved into endangered species territory. Did PETA think they were actually made from moles?
Anyhow, Bonobos has implemented a robust moleskin protection plan and still offers their Moleskin Jean in chestnut (in a ridiculous number of fit and size combinations), and this pair of pants will offer both leg-covering and ball-warming utility long after the party is over.
For footwear, we're still strongly in sneakerization mode, and in this case would likely opt for actual sneakers, like these minimalist Certain Victorys (formerly Hydrogen-1).
Finally, you mentioned nothing about accessorization and we feel like this outfit needs it. May we suggest disrupting the dressier choice of a tie around your neck, and try tying a tie around your waist instead with our own version, the Joseph Kandell. (Check out Joe's LinkedIn profile for details on his transition from Barney's skinny tie to middle-management support of vertical apparel installations such as moleskin jeans).
Above all, have fun, but don't get so shitfaced that your ridiculous Bulleit-fueled dance moves end up on a Facebook video. Not that we would know anything about that.
Q: I used to follow you guys religiously until the content dropped off a few years back. I assumed it was due to you solving all the world's problems and too many MB cocktails. Glad to see that is over.
Anyhow, now that's it's winter: camel overcoats. What's your take? — Josh
A: Josh, glad to have you back.
Once the first snowflake flies our outerwear is almost exclusively filled with goose feathers, yet we do admire the traditional camel overcoat because it adheres to some core MB principles:
MB Tip: Opt for one that's shorter rather than longer, because, quite simply, the longer you go the shorter you look.
Try to hit the mid-thigh, like this true camel hair Lubiam, or if you don't want to spend two grand on a coat this Theory interpretation. Hardy Aimes is pushing it dangerously close to the knees with their slim fit topcoat but that cut pulls it back up into strong consideration.
Any longer and you're veering into trench coat territory a la Inspector Clouseau and Gadget — and that's no place you want to be.
Q: I bought some trousers a few years ago when I was just starting to dress myself like a grown-up. They're wearing out now, and I was wondering what brands you recommend for wool slacks in the $150–$200/pair range. It seems like all I can find while I'm searching are recommendations for budget brands for poor college newly-grads. — Bryson
A: Bryson, we suspect J. Crew is in the process of sending you a catalog a week for the next 20 years, because you sound like exactly the sort of customer they hope to corral. And truth be told, while we have railed against the Ludlowization of the Millennial suit market, we really have no objection to below-the-waist Ludlowization. The pants are fine once you eliminate the crease and there are a number of iterations in your price range.
Q: Bought a new David Naman blue velvet blazer on YOOX. The lapels are a little too thin. What's an MB to do? I have 19 days to return it. — Aaron
A: We could answer this very quickly, but this is important, so indulge us for a bit.
David Naman makes some of the highest style/price-ratio clothes in the world. But your assessment — "a little too thin" — is right on the nose. They are what we call "Keira Knightly thin." Which is to say, not alarmingly emaciated supermodel thin, but still a little narrow for our taste. We are longtime advocates of ties that are at least 3" wide, and lapels that echo them. For us, any blazer with a lapel narrower than 3" is catch-and-release.
More importantly, if you ever have a second thought about a sartorial purchase, follow a key MB principle and always return it, no matter what the price or savings. Keeping an item you're not thrilled with leads to regret, and regret — sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly, but always inevitably — leads to a search for a red clothing dumpster that is not so overflowing with Dockers and Crocs that it can accommodate your cast-offs too. We cannot stress this enough: You can ultimately learn to adapt to the quirks, anomalies, and even deficiencies in other human beings, but your clothes and your shoes must be perfect. No compromises. When you compromise, you're stealing from yourself.
So are you going to return that blazer? Of course you are.
For years, I have been unable to find casual pants that offer an appropriate degree of slimness and rise. For background, I lift weights moderately and exercise regularly so I never feel like my thighs have enough room in most standard slim-fit pants (H&M, Uniqlo, Levi's, etc.) On top of that, most slim-fit pants I've tried are low rise which seem - at least to me - to be too constricting in the ..er.. crotch area, and leave me looking like a flat-assed teenager. The problem is that regular fit or straight fit pants invariably have a rather schlubby box fit below and above the thigh, which really becomes apparent after a few washes. What is the correct amount of slimness and rise in a pair of pants for an athletic MB, and where should I look for this elusive clothing. —George
A: George, have you considered skipping leg day?
We consider ourselves quite athletic and actually quite like to be a little bound through the thigh, and yes, even the crotch. We're not talking yoga-pant or needy girlfriend-level constriction here, just enough to feel vital, and remind us of why we bothered to ride 40 miles on a Saturday morning with a hangover so raging it felt like our head was the victim of an Andrew W.K. drum solo.
If that's not your thing, we don't judge. It's just that finding a stylish higher-rise pant with ample thigh room and a non-boxy fit through the thigh is like finding a Trump supporter who can actually afford to spend a night in a Trump hotel.
One suggestion, besides the simple, yet unacceptable solutions of parachute pants or Zubaz, is AG's "Graduate" fit. They're a little fuller through the thigh and still end up at just 7.75" at the ankle, a full ½" narrower than the Levi's 514 equivalent. Give them a try and let us know what you think
How much longer can I get away with wearing white pants? With global warming in full swing I'm thinking Columbus Day. What brand of white pants should I wear now? —Best, Aaron.
A: While Earth has warmed since we last addressed this issue in 2011, we adhere to our advice that white is OK up until the end of the MLB regular season — check the schedule — or until it's still warm enough to have sex outside, whichever is later.
However, recognizing that this is a big country spanning many latitudes — a white pants end date should be different if you live in Fargo or Flagstaff — we added an important corollary to our White Pants Doctrine, and allow an additional 5-day window for each latitudinal degree your location is south of 44° N. Until we create a Google Maps app to show this, the above map shall suffice.
In short, Aaron, depending on where you live, your Columbus Day deadline may be right on the money. Or if you're south of the Mason Dixon line you're abandoning white pants potentially a month too soon. Please look at the map. If you have any questions let us know.
As for brand of white pants, we go primarily for denim these days and can strongly endorse the Uniqlo Selvedge Slim-Fit Jean. Now on sale for $34.90, we're pretty confident in saying they're the best white selvedge denim value on the market. Vanity waist sizing in effect.
Hey folks, I recently popped the question to my longtime girlfriend, and for some reason, she said yes.
I would love to marry the woman of my dreams in an equally incredible tuxedo. I have no clue where to start, but I want something cool and classic with a pop. Money is an object, but the right suiting is worth it. Be my sherpas and (please!) point me in a direction. —Mike
A: Mike, we are both honored and humbled that you would ask us for advice on what might be the biggest mistake day of your life.
We adhere to our 2008 stance and say a wedding tuxedo should be able to stand a 100 year test of time. While it's been only 8 years since we recommended the classic Ralph Lauren peak lapel version, it looks as good now as it did when John McCain was running for president.
The only catch is it's $1,395, up from $1,350. There is bigger value to be had.
Until ASOS and UNIQLO start making tuxedos, we shall rely on YOOX, where there is an additional 25% off through August 26. Here are some suggestions that meet our style requirements:
All of these options are fairly similar, aesthetics-wise, so choose the one that's the best fit for your wallet and your torso. If you're feeling symbolic, give extra consideration to the DSquared2, which is 5 percent elastane. Normally, we're against synthetics, but any marriage built for the long haul can always use a tiny amount of stretch.
Apply your savings towards your shoes, shirt, tie, and if you want a good deal on groomsmen gifts, we'll be happy to work something out to help you celebrate your big day.
Best of luck to you and your new bride, and let us know what you end up deciding on.
Q: Hi, I was wondering why the post about the reformulated Kiehl's Facial Fuel SPF 15 from last year is no longer on the site... Have they changed it back to the previous version? Asking hopefully... —Ben
A: No, last year's post about Kiehl's Facial Fuel is still here, and no, Kiehl's has ignored the angry mob and defiantly stuck with their version of New Coke. Meanwhile, fans have resorted to trying an online petition to bring back the old formula:
Review: how many negative reviews of this new formula will it take for a response from the company? should i start a change.org campaign? the new spf facial fuel is thick and disgusting! it smells and feels like cr*p!
We have long since pivoted to Neutrogena's sunscreen + Retinol Age Fighter Face Moisturizer with sunscreen SPF 15. In spite of the burn, at just $8.92 an ounce this is the best value in a sunscreen + age-fighting combo. (Not counting a bottle of Bulleit, of course.)
But when we're flush our horse is still Verso Skincare Day Cream. It's 15 SPF + Retinol 8, which is the Retinol equivalent of the US Women's Basketball team, while regular Retinol approximates a less-good Senegal.
The going rate for a 1.69 oz. bottle of this stuff is $100 ($59.17/oz.), but we've unearthed a rare discount for $80. Yes, $47.33/oz. is more than Hermès Eau de Toilette Bel Objet but it's worth it. Try it and let us know what you think.
The Skybolt. A playful and noisy strap to wear when the rest of your outfit is quiet.
Q: Any recommendations for a brand of Nato straps for my watch? There are a ton of companies/versions out there now. —Chris
A: Yes, by our accounting there are now are at least as many online NATO watch strap sellers as there are NATO member states!
We've had very good luck with one of them, named, aptly, NATO Strap Co.. They offer a wide variety of quality straps, a 30% discount when you order 5 or more, and frequent promotions. And while they don't have naming or storytelling elan or quite like "The Buscemi" or "The Pretty Nice Rack," they do at least attempt differentiation on what's essentially become a commodity item with "The Black Ops" and "The Inmate."
Q: I need an exceptional black tie for a funeral this Saturday; it will be paired with a black Hardy Amies suit, white shirt, black shoes. Can you help? Sounds simple but a classy black tie is not that easy to find. Sorry such short notice. —Cristian
A: We understand your dilemma. A black tie sounds simple, but you want to look like Bobby Kennedy — or even Ted — not the lead singer for The Knack or a Halloween mobster. Especially at a funeral. What that means is nothing too shiny, nothing too skinny, nothing too wide.
Our first choice is this Lanvin — which weighs in at the exactly proper MB tie width of 3⅛ — but there's only one left. So either act fast or be prepared to settle for this Brooks Brothers number — which will do in a pinch but does not quite possess the strikingly generic elan of the Lanvin. So we say act fast.
Q: Want to get your expert opinion on a blazer I'm looking at for a summer wedding in a few days. It's between this Vineyard Vines version (I would not go as preppy as the guy in the picture), this one from Golden Goose, and finally this one from MM by Mariomatteo. What you say, o' Fashionistas? —Jamie
A: Let's break these down using a modified PMI Chart.
Q: My wang is out for the Horween MVW, but only a video will convince me that the elastic strap will be hold what matters. Need to see it in action. —Aaron
Here's the Minimum Viable Wallet in Horween Chromexcel Brown and Lambeau Pride strap, fitted with two cards and three Jacksons, held by Donald Trump's tiny hand, in front of some of our best friends.
Just because it's the MVW doesn't mean it hasn't gone through extensive development and QA. Over the past 12 months we've tweaked every element of the platform and its plug-ins to bring you the best in minimalist wallet technology.
Q: Big fan of your posts. I love your products too. The Emperor's Tourniquet is the best tie in my closet for sure.
So, I hit the gym pretty regularly, it's not as classy as JFK and sailing, but then not all of us own boats and horses.
The appalling apparel worn by most men to the gym makes me nauseous (baggy shorts and low cut tank tops - the ones that have armpit holes which show the entire torso). Anyway what are your recommendations for gym clothing and shoes that are acceptably MB and yet functional enough (sweat wicking)?Against my initial apprehensions I am considering some of the men's gear from lululemon - what are your thoughts on the clothing on their website?
—TJ
A: Good question. At Complex.com, they advise that "wearing gym clothes out in public" is a major mistake. We take that philosophy a step further. Or maybe even a dumbbell lunge further: Wearing gym clothes in the gym is usually a mistake too.
What makes a man think that because he's working up a sweat his style gets to take a break?
We're not sure. But what we do know is that many men who would never dream of dressing like a toolbag in the office or a bar find bandana headbands, deep armhole tank tops, and over-the-knee polyester mesh shorts perfectly acceptable as long as they are within 50 feet of an elliptical trainer.
That's incorrect.
You're showing the right instinct with that lululemon site, at least in terms of its emphasis on dark, solid colors and clothes that fit closely without getting too clingy. But following our foundational principle of organic materials, we look for workout wear made from merino wool, which we aren't seeing there.
Because no one has ever seen a sheep on a treadmill, or even doing anything except standing still on a hillside, people don't necessarily think of wool as being a good material for the gym. But as lazy cyclists have long known, wool wicks well and doesn't stink even after repeated usage.
Outlier makes our preferred gym shirt, a v-neck short sleeve of 100 percent Merino. Unfortunately, they're currently sold out. We're taking that as a good reason to skip the gym for a while, but if you're feeling more ambitious than us, here's two alternatives: The Wooly Clothing Merino, made in China, and the Rambler's Way Cross Neck Tee, made in the USA.
Finding all-wool shorts is difficult. These days we're settling for this wool blend version from Smartwool.
With shorts, though, we're not as concerned about the materials as we are about some general guidelines. Namely, no stripes and no mesh, and leave any pair that gets within 3 inches of the top of your kneecap to that guy by the weight bench who looks like Guy Fieri's ripped twin.
Q: I wear Ray Ban aviators (outdoorsman} style from the late '50s early '60s. Are they in or out of style? Trying to be magnificent is not easy!! —Matt
A: The Outdoorsman is a little, uh, familiar. ("Familiar" being English for "cliché.") But not as familiar as a pair of Wayfarers, and to our eye, a solid look. While it won't capture attention the way that, say, a pair of Angelos in light havana will, it will also never go out of style. So you're good.
If your pair was indeed produced by Bausch & Lomb in the '50s/'60s, the 12k gold-filled frames should hold up nicely indefinitely. What you need to watch out for is the plastic brow sweat band. Once it starts breaking down or cracks, you can't replace it, and the glasses look goofy and broken without it.
Still, there's no reason to be too careful. If you experience a plastic failure, you can purchase another pair at our eyewear partner Allyn Scura for a buck fifty.
Unbeknownst to many Westerners, there's more to yoga than asanas. Mind you, we're speaking strictly as spectators here — but even with our limited second-hand knowledge, we know that yoga is an ancient system of metaphysics that also places major emphasis on yoga pants, soy-based accent candles, and gentle breezes.
As you might expect, our restless hummingbird mind usually settles on the pants. We love how yoga can quiet the hips and self-actualize the pelvic floor. At the same time, we've also noted a recurring theme amongst some of the most devoted yogis we know: As their bodies grow more flexible, their minds turn rigid. Bikram class cannot be missed. Gluten is criminalized. Only compostable, eco-dyed hemp t-shirts will do.
So while our eyes say yoga is good, our heart-eye isn't quite as enthusiastic. Namaste.
Q: What do I get a girl for Christmas who I have been casually seeing for one month? —Late to the Party
A: Some of us have been with the same woman for more than a month, and in some cases even several months, and have faced the same Christmas gift-giving dilemma. From experience we can say one thing is for certain: physical objects are an absolute no-no. Even seemingly sure-fire presents like sports cars and private islands can blow up in your face — "This latitude is too low!" — and the return policies are a nightmare.
This is why we strongly recommend this simple, convenient, relatively affordable, and extremely popular solution: a spa gift certificate.
There isn't a woman on earth who doesn't like to be pampered with a facial, massage, pedicure, or achiote hydrating wrap, and in some cases the treatments are mutually beneficial. Further, depending on how much you want to spend, this gift opens up several hours of free time to watch a football game, drink beer with your mates, or do both of those things simultaneously.
Q: I'll be attending a corporate holiday party with a "black and white semi-formal attire or LA cocktail attire" dress code. Can I get some suggestions? I don't want to look like a broken groom who was just left at the alter. Thanks. —Gerard
A: For all but the most exclusive occasions, party dress rules are like speed limits: No one expects you to follow the absolute letter of the law. Or in your case, even the spirit. To wit, we ran the phrase "LA cocktail attire" through Google Translate and, here, apparently is the rough approximation: "If you look like Bradley Cooper or Johnny Depp, wear whatever the fuck you want. If you like Harvey Weinstein, consider a tie and jacket. But still wear whatever the fuck you want."
But we don't recommend dollar bill or feather prints. Instead we suggest, from bottom to top:
FOOTWEAR: If you think you can pull off a pair of sandals, then do that, and make certain you schedule a pedi for the day of. Buff. A less-bold play that still requires no lacing or socks are these Prada loafers in two-tone color and fabric.
Paul Fussell expresses his opinion on excessive piercings
Q: This week I realized I still have the piercings I got in high school, but I'm in university now. As an 18 year old hoping to be a little classier than she started out as once I'm done with my schooling, what are your stances on piercings? I have my ears pierced twice over, as well as a simple cartilage piercing. I usually wear small sliver sleepers. I also have my naval pierced (despite knowing it's trashy) and am justifying it because only my boyfriend has seen it. I haven't changed it either, since anything that dangles or had rhinestones was just too gaudy even for my younger self. Should I take any of these out? What should I wear if I keep them in? Thank you! — Tessa
A: Our favorite Ask the MB submissions are the ones where readers answer their own question. It's a real timesaver!
Trust that your forthcoming jewelry and infection-reduction strategy is firmly grounded in the core principle of understatement, and would be zealously endorsed by MB patriarch Paul Fussell (RIP), who wrote in Class, "Both men's and women's elite looks are achieved by a process of rejection — of the current, the showy, the superfluous." He's talking about cartilage piercings here, Tessa.
Best of luck in college, and may any naval scarring be at a minimum.
Q: Hello MB, I must know. What type of sunglasses do South Korean DMZ guards wear? The South Korean guards that hold the line at the cold war's last hotspot are dressed and hand-picked to look physically imposing and intimidating. I was looking at their specs, and I wanted to know more. Look into it, or don't. But I would prefer it if you did. Love the site. — Armand
A: The uniform, helmet, and poker face are all official ROK issue, yet the directive from DMZ HQ on the sunglasses seems to be flexible: an American brand with with gold frames and a pedigree.
A $500 quartz Shinola (left) and a $325 mechanical O@W (right)
Q: We are supposed to be excited about Shinola watches but nearly all models run over the MB 40mm principle. Is it then, shit?
—AD
A: Shinola has 127 watches for sale on their site and 29 are at the MB-approved 40mm case size or smaller. Given the dramatic watch size inflation of the past decade — thanks Arnold Schwarzenegger — Shinola's 23% stake in ≤ 40mm watches is something Janet Yellen would admire.
Where Shinola deserves to get labeled as shit is in its value. The cheapest watch they sell is the $500 36mm Runwell. Anyone who would pay $500 (at the minimum) for a quartz watch constructed primarily of Chinese parts (but assembled in Detroit!) doesn't know his ass from his elbow, or even from a hole in the ground.
(We've said this before, but not since 2010: A quartz movement vs. a mechanical movement is the equivalent of motorboats vs. sailboats, gas fireplaces vs. wood fireplaces, or fake breasts vs. real breasts. Naturally, the latter is always better.)
So, AD — and anyone else out there in the market for a new timepiece — save yourself $175 and wrap this 36mm Ollech & Wajs mechanical, military-style watch around your wrist. It's high-quality Swiss-made gear that will likely last your lifetime, and shines the floor with any watch from Shinola.
Q: Hunting season is almost here in Maine. Is it appropriate to wear an orange hat when visiting town? —Aaron
A: Maine may be 1,500 miles from Minneapolis, but our firearm deer hunting seasons practicallyoverlap, so we have often faced the same headwear dilemma.
To help you decide we put together one of our popular Deciders: Orange Hat.
Q: Why is there no section taking a position on corporate polos? I'm not sure if the MB finds them — particularly the ones made from whatever-unnatural-fiber they're all made from — quite a distasteful as I do. They seem to be a badge of honor amongst many of my co-workers. I, myself, wear jackets to trade shows so that I can cover them up as soon as I leave the trade show floor on the way to the hotel to change shirts. —David
Then, there's the tailoring. Anticipating a market of sedentary cubicle serfs, most corporate polos are designed using a Teletubby rather than an actual person as the fit model, with predictably unflattering results.
Finally, while we know of no randomized control trials to cite, our anecdotal analysis suggests that donning a corporate polo increases your risk of wearing a lanyard by at least 100 percent.
Keeping all these factors in mind, we'd rather go on the dole.
Q: Several years back, I found a photo of John McEnroe wearing a shirt I like and I've yet to have it identified. It is a button down, looks to be light blue and has a print of small stars and small moons on it. Hoping you can help. Thanks. —Eric
A: That shirt? You cannot be serious! In all candor, this is not a shirt we would recommend — it looks to our eye like a bowl of Lucky Charms designed by Commes Des Garcons. But it is a distinctive shirt, we'll grant you (and McEnroe) that, and we like a good quest as well as anyone.
The photo you've provided was taken on June 23, 2008, at Sotheby's, when McEnroe was selling a Warhol portrait of him and his ex-wife Tatum O'Neal.
McEnroe was clearly trying to coordinate his outfit with the painting — note its use of stars and similar shades of blue. The stars also remind us a bit of another Warhol painting — So Many Stars — but we don't think the shirt itself is a Warhol; the linework is too polished.
Also, the shirt was definitely not part of the deal, because we see McEnroe wearing it again, two years later, at the Tribeca Film Festival in 2010 (along with a horribly fitting blazer).
Unfortunately, the trail runs cold after that, at least for us. We couldn't find anymore images of the shirt in action, or any information about its provenance.
So we're putting this out there to our readers. Do you recognize this shirt? If you do, let us know. First person who can help us definitively ID this shirt will get a Secret Agent Belt from us, in recognition of his/her superior sleuthing skills. And if we do make an ID, we'll post it here.
UPDATE 9/22 11:07 AM: Reader Robert quickly supplies us with an answer: "Johnny Macs horrible shirt? You seem to have overlooked the hearts in the print. A 2 minute Google with that detail and..... It seems very likely that Prada is the responsible designer."
We swear we searched for at least three minutes, on hearts, and all we found was Harry Styles in a Burberry shirt. So we salute your superior sleuthing skills, Robert; a Secret Agent Belt will be on the way to you soon.
As for the shirt itself — it looks like Prada introduced this pattern, in various colorways, in its Spring 2006 collection. We haven't seen any for sale in the exact colorway McEnroe sports, but here's something close.
Q: Hey, dig your site. I'm a fan of TST sneakers and have had a few pairs over the years. Any idea where I could find some these days (online, in store)? Yoox doesn't seem to have much at all. Or, if no TST (crying inside) any recs on a similar styled pair/producer? —David
Q: Quick question. Are TST defunct? —Jim
A: We are glad to see readers are still interested in TST, a longtime MB favorite characterized by its commitment to wabi-sabi and generally elusive quality.
Even in its heyday, this Japanese brand from designer Seisha Tanaka was as hard to spot as a Siberian tiger. And in the last couple years, we had begun to suspect it had crossed over from endangered species to extinct one.
But you never know, right? A lot of people probably think we're dead too, and yet here we are, still as vital and full of life as Jackie Stallone. So we decided to contact to TST HQ directly and ask if it is still producing shoes. Here's the response we received:
"Thank you for your contact to Tanaka Universal. Yes, we are producing TST brand shoes as well as Maccheronian, CEBO and CEBOG. We sell only shops and are not selling to end customer. If we can be of any help please do not hesitate to contact us again."
Alas, our follow-up inquiry regarding what shops it sells to has been met with eerie silence so far. We don't know what CEBO or CEBOG are, but they sound a little like something an organization staffed entirely by robots might produce; we think perhaps that initial email response we received came from the last human employed at the company, just before the final coup. If we learn otherwise, we'll let you know.
In the meantime, we have seen a few more models pop up on YOOX lately, including a pair of snogues that we're especially fond of. Alas, the largest size they're available in is 11. If, like us, you're a true fan, you'll spend the next half hour debating how necessary your toes really are. (They run nearly a full size small.)
Left and center: Emperor's Tourniquet. Right: Roman Holiday
Q: Hey MB, if I sent you 60 bucks will you send me a tie to get married in? You can pick. It's my second wedding if that matters. Cheers! — Derek
A: Ah, passion and optimism in the face of experience and disenchantment! We are great fans of sequel marriages here at MB, and hope yours turns out well.
With its floral motif, we think the Emperor's Tourniquet is the right tie to signal new love in bloom. And if your new bride ends up ripping your heart out, well, you'll have a bandage close at hand. (We make no medical guarantees regarding its efficacy, however.)
In addition, we'd like to send you the Roman Holiday as our gift to you. Or should that be Roamin' Holiday? In our experience, second wives aren't nearly as liberal-minded as third or fourth wives, and we anticipate she'll be expecting total monogamy at least through the first year.
In any case, congratulations to you and your bride! We wish you the best.
Q: Summer Cabrales. Would you say these are nonchalant poolside shoes, or do you just come off looking like you're wearing a muppet pelt on your feet... Thanks in advance. — Jack
A: 100% cotton terry is our go-to après swim/surf fabric, usually in the form of a towel, a cabana jacket, or a polo. So we love the idea of extending terry's shag carpet-like comfort to your feet in the form of footwear, even if it's at the expense of Gonzo and Camilla the Chicken.
Ready to dip your toe in? We really like the options from Industry of All Nations. Handmade in Mexico, using a coconut fiber inner heel and a recycled composite inner sole, they're a minimal footprint.
And at just 55 bucks they're a value to comfort extremities that may have just dealt with rocks and shattered Maker's on the rocks. But if that's too pricey check out IOAN's Sport Espadrilles in denim, at just $35, are fashionable, disposable, and biodegradable summer style.
From Top: Giorgio Sant'Angelo, Oliver Goldsmith, Cutler and Gross, Girard
Q: So, spring and summer are both in the air. And that means sunny days and sunglasses. Randolph Engineering hasn't had a lot of options as of late... do you have any suggestions for other, MB-approved shades? —Will
A: With sunglasses, we prefer to gaze backwards, into the past. A few recommendations:
Allyn Scura We always start at Allyn Scura and usually find something old, obscure, and interesting, like these deadstock Giorgio Sant'Angelos in brown tortoise. Yes, there is a high degree of difficulty here. But we can also imagine anyone from Kurt Cobain to Cary Grant looking good in these — they're versatile. So if you think you have what it takes, here's a little more info. Made in NYC in the '80s, they were designed by Mr. Sant'Angelo, born a nobleman in Florence Italy and, according to Wikipedia, an influencer to John Galliano and Marc Jacobs. At just 49 bucks the style/dollar ratio is higher than AMZN's P/E ratio. (WARNING: Pairing these with either Springtime in Italy or Roman Holiday will result in you actually becoming an Italian nobleman.)
Magnificent Bastard Finally, you can't ask us about sunglasses and not expect us to mention the Girard 3700s, as worn by Bradley Cooper in American Hustle. We're down to two pairs in our shop, and for all we know, they may be the last two mint-condition deadstock pairs left in the universe. Or maybe not. But do you really want to take that chance?
Q: Please weigh in heavily on the jogger pants trend that is sweeping shamefully across the country. — Dave
If we ever find ourselves on the tennis courts at the Red Raider Community Fitness Facility in April or October, we like cotton sweatpants for the first 20 minutes or so. We also endorse cashmere sweatpants under the following conditions: Intercontinental plane travel; domestic train travel that spans at least three states; recovery from any surgery that pushes you over your out-of-pocket maximum for the year; and house arrest.
Beyond that, we cast a wary eye toward sweatpants, loungewear, joggers, or whatever you want to call them.
Now, granted, in the era when we initially developed this wariness, sweatpants came in two main varieties: Shiny silk or shapeless polar fleece.
The new generation of sweatpants offers an alternative to such fare. They're cut more closely, they come in cotton, wool, and cashmere, and when designers aren't trying too hard to make them novel or sporty, there are an abundance of good options to choose from if you need a pair for any of the purposes we describe above.
And this current abundance doesn't surprise us — we see it as the inevitable consequence of aging millennials seeking relief from the unforgiving skinny jeans of their higher-metabolism youth. And of course it's yet another manifestation of culture's primary shaping force over the last 40 years or so — business casual.
But despite the significant advances in sweatpants manufacture, we don't find ourselves wanting to wear them more often. While $300 tailored sweatpants are certainly a step up from onesies, they still strike us as somewhat infantile when worn in nightclubs, restaurants, etc. And at work they cross the chasm from business casual to trying too hard (TTH).
Indeed, if your need to gamify your Monday morning meeting is so strong that you leave your colleagues wondering if you're planning to dunk on them or just share your thoughts on the Q3 revenue forecasts, you are spending way too much time at the office and not enough time engaging in actual leisure. Put on a belt, knot up your tie, and pour yourself a drink. Work shouldn't be that strenuous.
Q: Let's say this spring/summer I find myself closing deals pool- or courtside and I'm wearing a tennis shirt and a blue blazer. Should the shirt be tucked or untucked? Any other thoughts on pulling this look off? —Aaron
A: Should your polo be tucked or untucked? Both.
We often poke fun at J. Crew's narrow blazer lapels — which are so badly proportioned models try to claw their way out of them. But their polo page is an instructive display of artful dishevelment, a core MB principle. Our advice on achieving this look is similar to our advice on how to tie a bow tie: drink three martinis very quickly, put on your pants, and then just try to tuck in your shirt.
As for the blazer, pairing it with a polo is already a high-low play so don't overdo it. Nothing that's too shiny or too padded, and nothing that looks like your suit has joined the sharing economy and is now renting out its jacket to schlubs who cannot afford a proper standalone blazer. Finally, a note on blazer length. As Leonardo da Vinci helped us demonstrate a few years back, a well-fitted blazer should never extend below your ball sack.
Bonus MB Tip: We own several polo shirts that are sometimes the most expensive thing we're wearing that day. But every wardrobe needs a strategic reserve of disposable white polos that are all but guaranteed to suffer a 100 percent casualty rate amidst the chaos of summer leisuring. This year we can highly recommend the ASOS house brand jersey polo. It's 18 bucks, has an athletic but not binding fit, and comes with free shipping and returns. To avoid the latter, order up one size.
Q: I have just inherited a family crest ring from my grandfather. How does MB feel about such rings. Should they be worn? —Phillip
A: There are certain things we'd happily inherit from our grandfather: His 1961 Jaguar E-Type. His Mizuno MP-14s. Money.
Then there are other things we'd rather not: Male pattern baldness. An elevated PSA. His third wife Mitzi.
Where does jewelry fall? Somewhere in the middle. Jewelry with a heraldic knight helmet? As our original logo attests, we have a soft spot for heraldic imagery. But when you put it on a big gold ring, we can't help but think this is what the 14th century version of Michael Lohan/Donald Trump would have worn. And that means that on our inheritability continuum, it's veering towards prostate cancer.
Our suggestion: File this item in a high-quality ring box and pass it down to your progeny, so in 30 years he can Ask the MB about wearing a family crest ring from his great-grandfather. We'll be here.
We'd suggest giving one of thesetwo Hardy Aimes blue blazers a try. They're the requisite wool and slim-fit, have lapels with a BMI in the normal range, and being from Savile Row, fulfill our Principle of Anglophilia. And the best part? Until 11:59 EDT April 6 they're each about 80 bucks.
Q: It's almost time to pack the corduroys away depending on where you live (sorry New England). So, what would you say are some essentials for spring? —Jack
A: Just 10 days ago, on the most frigid commute of the entire season, the thought of spring essentials seemed as distant as our final destination. But Jimmy the Carnivorous Groundhog was right, and Insta-Spring — it was 68 yesterday in Minneapolis — now has us consuming the following:
The Last Word
There is no cocktail that personifies and embodies spring more than The Last Word. Equal parts gin, Luxardo maraschino liqueur, Green Chartreuse, and fresh lime juice, one sip of this emerald Prohibition-era tipple immediately conjures thoughts of tournament basketball, The Masters, green grass, and swallows returning to Capistrano. It also serves as an excellent alternative to green beer, the toolbag drink of choice tomorrow.
White Pants
Spring means baseball, and Opening Day is the opening day of the newly-expanded white pant season (more on this later). The Cardinals play at Wrigley in just 20 days. The best place to find something cool, unique, and cheap is YOOX, as usual, and free shipping is now standard. Otherwise Levi Strauss & Co. makes white denim in the 501, 511, 514, and 569.
Todd Snyder Japanese Indigo Crew Sweatshirt
Our favorite purchase of 2015 by a wide margin. Is $275 a lot for a cotton sweatshirt, even if it's made by Canadian factory workers using Japanese indigo? Yes. But while this garment is marked 100 percent cotton, we actually suspect it might be 120 percent cotton, or maybe even 125 percent. It's that soft. Paradoxically, it's also incredibly sturdy. In fact, we're betting its tank-like construction will yield a life expectancy of at least a decade. Amortize its cost over that term and it's actually cheaper than a $15 Old Navy sweatshirt that you will be downgrading to "paint rag" by Independence Day.
Nylite Chambray in Aurora Red
During the chambray boom that happened a few years ago, when folks were making pants, suits, and even a few trendy hotels out of chambray, we did not buy in heavily. Indeed, we think chambray is a little like heroin or Jim Carrey — something to savor in small doses. But when it's used right it can be very effective. Here, for example, a splash of chambray gives these Tretorn Nylites — originally invented in 1964 and typically made out of a canvas — thinking about April matinees at Target Field. So make ours a double!
(And be on the lookout for our spring tie line, which will also be using chambray in sparing fashion.)
Vintage Onion Content
Insta-Spring has us recalling one of our favorite Onion pieces, this one from 1996: Area Students Prepare Breasts for Increased Springtime Display. "Female college students from across the northern U.S. celebrated the improved weather this week, preparing their breasts for the increased exposure and display that the warm weather now demands."
Q: Is there any MB-endorsed leather glove? Or are MBs gloveless during winter? —Davin
A: Our all-time favorite glove is the leather rabbit fur-lined Fratelli Orsini model from Leather Gloves Online. They're stylish, warm, meet our organic materials requirements, and versatile enough to work with a topcoat or puffer vest or even a ski jacket while taking on Outhouse.
But be prepared for an incredibly tactile experience. Every time you slip them on it's like sticking your hand into Mother Earth's warm, nurturing womb.
Q: Hi, MB! My husband loves his Unicorn Belt!
Is it still cool for guys to wear shoes with colored soles? I am looking at some Ferragamo's for him- they are kind of expensive... — Deb
A: Even when we're aiming to make a statement, we tend to go for subtlety. Colored soles are permissible on certain occasions, especially those that involve jibing and tacking. But even in these instances, we gravitate toward dark blues and dark reds. To make our preferences perfectly clear, we've created a chart. Our general rule of thumb: If a shoe's soles are a shade so vibrant they might attract a poison dart frog, or even worse, Guy Fieri, they're too colorful.
Q: Hey MB. I'm going to a wedding next week; I was planning on wearing a navy Hardy Amies suit with a (Deo Veritas) dark lavender gingham shirt, black shoes and no-show socks. Would you give me some tie recommendations? I have been waiting for your summer tie but was thinking maybe a solid lavender tie might do in its place. Thanks so much for all your advice. Seriously. —Cristian
A: With your Hardy Amies suit and Deo Veritas shirt, we suspect you're already going to be better dressed than the groom, and possibly the bride. That said, you don't want to outshine them too much — it's their day to be in the spotlight.
Thus, we are going to suggest something fairly low-key: A solid knit tie in burgundy. With a dark lavender gingham shirt, you're already making a statement — so you don't need a patterned tie adding yet another loud voice to the conversation happening on your chest. The tie we're envisioning weighs in silently but noticeably, with its rough texture and complementary shade adding visual contrast in a subtle but intriguing way. We predict that bridesmaids will be fondling your neckwear all day.
Now here's the thing about knit ties: The industry standard is to circumcise them and leave a flat edge at the bottom, and starve them to boot. DO NOT GET A SKINNY CIRCUMCISED TIE! (Yes, for the record, that is the first time we've ever used all-caps on this site.) You need a tie with a pointed end, and it must be at least 3 inches wide.
We looked around for a tie with these specs, and stumbled upon an online store called The Knottery. The name gives us pause, and so does the price point of their ties — just $35. These ties are probably not made in the U.S. — you'll need to spend at least $45 for that. But the Knottery's merchandise has gotten positive press from GQ, Esquire, Kempt, and many others. So we encourage you to take a chance on this burgundy knit. It fits our specs — pointed end, 3.25 inches wide, 100 percent silk — and you can apply the money you save on it toward a wedding gift. Give our best to the bride and groom!
Q: A lot of fellas are buttoning their collars all the way to the top these days, was just wondering your take & if the old MB shirt buttoning rules still apply. Just received my chocolate sandwich cookie cashmere belt btw, my waist is happy. —Andre
A: Our goal here is style, not fashion. And style is ultimately about ... math. Ratios, angles, golden means, etc. In other words, good rules for style aren't just rules. They're laws, as immutable as anything Sir Isaac Newton ever put down in his Philosophiae Naturalis Principia Mathematica.
So our take on buttons remains the same as always. For polos, N - 2.
When you're wearing a buttondown with a jacket and tie, button all the way to the top. If you take off your jacket, then ask yourself What Would Newman Do? The answer: Unbutton your top button and loosen your tie.
If you're wearing a sports shirt, there is no simple rule of thumb, because the answer depends on multiple sartorial and biological factors, including collar size, button spacing, and chest follicle density. See this post for elaboration, but in general, we encourage restraint. Just as you never want to go full Grimley, you also never want to go full Cowell. And even Newman himself can misstep when he starts heading in the latter direction.
Finally, we're glad to hear you like your belt. Thanks for your patronage.
A: As loyal readers know, we are suckers for a senseless lack of utility. And a timepiece that can't make it on its own from dawn until dawn surely qualifies as that. In addition to its presumably short battery life, the Apple Watch will use wireless charging — which introduces even more paraphernalia to the mix. As we understand it, to fully use an Apple Watch, you need an iPhone, the Watch's wireless charger, and, say, a Timex, to determine how many minutes until your Apple Watch runs down and to keep track of the time while it's juicing up again.
All told, that's not a "watch" — it's a time-telling system almost as technologically clunky as our beloved Geochron.
And yet here's the issue as we see it: The Apple Watch starts at just $349. And even the higher-end versions aren't likely to be that expensive — the Business of Fashionpredicts a price point of around $1000 for the 18-karat gold model. In the realm of luxury timepieces, this qualifies as "sensibly affordable." And the $349 Apple Watch is downright cheap.
Throughout its history, Apple has always functioned as much as a fashion company as a technology company. (When it was designing its breakthrough product, the Apple II, co-founder Steve Jobs couldn't find a shade of beige for its case that pleased his discerning eye — even though the vendor he was working with offered 2000 choices.) Now, with the Apple Watch, it's leaving technology almost entirely behind and attempting to disrupt bling. For the $10,000 or so you might pay for a used, lightly scratched Submariner, you can get Apple Watches in a couple dozen different varieties. Or to put it another way, the 21st century finally has a Swatch to call its own.
In short order, these things are going to be ubiquitous, and that's why we want no part of them. At least until we've turned Pourcast into an app that sends you an alert every time you step within 100 feet of a bar stocked with all the ingredients that a Magnificent Bastard cocktail requires. Alas, unless someone invents a watch that magically adds a few extra hours to each day, that's still a ways down the road.
Q: I am looking for a cool weekender bag with good organization. I found the perfect one in the J. Fold Trooper bag, but unfortunately it
appears to have been discontinued as I can't find it anywhere. Do you
know of anything comparable I should consider? —Eric
A: We are sad to hear the Trooper bag no longer appears to be in production — we continue to use ours often and four years down the line it is holding up well.
The Trooper had a fairly distinct profile that was based on standard-issue Soviet military bags from the 1960s and 1970s. Alas, in a quick survey of our favorite bag manufacturers, we were unable to find any offerings that closely approximate the Trooper's doctor's bag-like shape in weekender-style dimensions and materials.
Of what we did see, we were most intrigued by this Scout Series Navy Duffle from Wheelmen & Co., which strikes us as a nice combination of durability and modestly understated style. The overall shape is more conventional than the Trooper, but the volume is essentially the same and we suspect the Scout is easy to pack. Silver hardware is always our first choice over the far more ubiquitous brass, and while there are no photos of the bag's interior, we like the sound of it. Multiple pockets (including one zippered) and orange lining (presumably bright) to make it easier to ID small loose items in dim conditions.
So until Putin annexes the U.S. and commands J. Fold to start making Troopers again, we encourage you to consider the Scout. And if you do go ahead and purchase it, let us know what you think.
Q: Wondering what you think about reversible belts like this croc/ostrich one — toolbag gimmick or useful wardrobe expansion technique? Also, that buckle looks strangely familiar.
—Jim
A: At first glance, a belt that efficiently moonlights as another belt might seem to violate the principle of senseless lack of utility. In this case, though, the utility manifests itself in the realm of style. That is to say, a reversible belt doesn't make any claim to hold up your pants better, or provide some other practical benefit. It just multiplies the possibilities of looking magnificent. And that's the kind of utility we can embrace. In fact, we have plans to someday release a reversible belt ourselves.
Nonetheless, while we conceptually endorse reversible belts, there's still the matter of execution. Regarding the belt you've got your eye on, we love the Caiman crocodile side. But we think the full-quill ostrich side should probably bury its head in the sand. In other words, we'd approach this one as a strictly one-sided belt if we were to incorporate it into our wardrobe.
Finally, yes, that buckle does look familiar. Same one we use on our cashmere belts. Good eye!
Q: Hi, MB! What do you think of novelty cufflinks?
Your fan,
Deb
A: We're not unconditionally opposed to novelty cufflinks. But we are somewhat baffled by the current state of the market. The last time we posted about this — in 2007 — we advised a reader to steer clear of skulls. Seven years later, that prohibition still stands. And from what we can see, you are going to have to do an awful lot of steering — the cufflinks sections on the websites of most major retailers look like the Crypt of the Sepulchral Lamp remixed by Hot Topic. (Seriously, when did skulls start accessorizing so heavily?)
Has the Day of the Dead introduced a more formal dress code? While we understand that cufflinks offer a man a chance to signal his sense of style in a understated over-the-top way, and even encourage that, we're a little alarmed by this massive proliferation of skulls. A cufflink is not as permanent as a tattoo, but that shouldn't give you license to turn your sleeve into a black metal album cover from 1993.
Our advice: Stick with novelty cufflinks that allude to an interest in MB-approved pastimes like golf, tennis, sailing, skiing, or eating lobster. And even with those we have some caveats:
Q: I've find this website on Google and, let me tell you, I admire what you do. I've always searched a website that knew how to recognize the brands of sunglasses, eyeglasses or wardrobe. Really Good!
So, I'm asking you if is it possible to recognize the brand and the model of the eyeglasses wore by Bryan Cranston in Breaking Bad as Walter White. I'm not talking about the last frame he used (which is Republica - Montreal) but the classic iconic metal frame that he wore in the entire series. I know they're safety because they have some hooks in the temples which are required because of side shields but I can't figure it out what brand are they, I'm really becoming mad searching that frame. Hope you could be helpful for me. Thanks. —Carlo
A: Carlo: What's worse? Going mad or wearing glasses that make you look like a middle-aged high school chemistry teacher? (Or a middle-aged high school algebra teacher? See our earlier post on GQ Creative Director Jim Moore's questionable eyewear decisionmaking.)
We'll let you decide.
Meanwhile, as you ponder that, we're going to hit you with what will likely be disappointing news: We have sought input from all our usual eyewear sources and yet are unable to come up with a definitive ID.
We can tell you that the frames Cranston wears in Breaking Bad are pretty close to these B.M.E.C. Big Mens Sam Eyeglasses. In fact, some people believe these are what Cranston is wearing.
We think the nose pads are different, so close but no meth pipe. And frankly with a frame this generic it is ultimately going to be almost impossible to make a case for any brand that goes beyond a reasonable doubt. If you really feel you need verification before making a purchase, we suggest you figure out how to contact the show's propmaster. That's what we'd do if we really wanted to identify a specific product and the world's most authoritative men's style website left us hanging.
#17 at Minocqua Country Club, where we're fortunate enough to be playing this weekend, in between loafing and drinking.
Q: Can you recommend a good shoe to take for an extended walk in the woods? I don't eat near enough Nature Valley bars to feel comfortable even trying on anything from Patagonia or Merrell.
Also, is there anything I simply must add to my summer reading list? Your past recommendations have only done me good. —Donnie
A: Donnie, our only extended time* spent in the woods is either:
a. hitting recovery shots back to the fairway, or
b. tree skiing at Deer Valley
These activities involve wearing golf shoes or ski boots, neither of which we can confidently recommend for extended walks in the woods. Sorry.
As for the summer reading list here are three recommendations, one for each of our three favorite things: Golf, Leisure, and Cocktailing.
GOLF Every Shot Counts
"Moneyball" for golf that changes the way you look at the game, how you practice, and how you play.
LEISURE How to Be Idle
A collection of essays celebrating naps, taking a sick day, daytime drinking, and many other joys of life.
COCKTAILING The Modern Drunkard
The Bible for drunks, in seven short chapters, each of which you can finish in the time it takes to consume a cocktail (this makes for a highly enjoyable sitting).
* Late last fall we took a short hunting trip to Jackson Hole — where we wore boots — and got the surprise of our lives. Much more on this adventure soon.
Q: Hey guys, was wondering if there's a new tie stock coming to the shop? Something for the in-coming wedding season.
Also Allen Edmonds is now offering made-to-order golf-soles on some of their shoes if you wanted a golfing McAllister. Thanks. —D. Holden
A: While our design and procurement processes remain somewhat "artisinal" — i.e., we are still a little too apt to negotiate with Shengzen factory reps when we've spent the afternoon testing Pourcast — we are slowly mastering the dark arts of product development and do indeed have some new things on the way. Including a tie that we believe will work well at weddings, bar mitzvahs, and funerals of those you loved very, very dearly. However, because of the artwork that will be featured on this tie's tipping — see image — we don't recommend wearing it if you're the groom. (Why start your honeymoon with a jealous wife?)
These ties will feature a bold heart-to-sword regimental stripe and are made of raw silk — perfect for spring, summer, and temperate climates throughout the year. The prototypes are done, so they should be in stock within a matter of weeks. Check back often.
Now, on to the golfing McAllisters. If we were stuck in jury duty in a courtroom with enough room to practice our chipping, we would definitely consider these. They are a handsome shoe — but given that we we find ourselves wearing sneakerized footwear even in places where we might have worn lace-up oxford dress shoes (court appearances, board meetings, IRS audits), we can't really imagine wearing lace-up oxfords on fairways, even if they have the sole for it.
Our current favorite golf shoes are these Puma Clydes, which deliver sporty style but maintain a comfortable distance from Ricky Fowler territory. We recommend them in Castlerock. But at the prices you can currently get them at Amazon — approximately $30 to $45 a pair, depending on color and size — you can buy a different color for every day of the week and still spend less than you would on a single pair of the the McAllisters.
Q: Hi. In the Allyn Scura Eyewear Challenge, what kind of sunglasses is Hunter S. Thompson wearing? Thanks! —MP
As you may know, the portrait of Hunter Thompson that we used in our Eyewear Challenge comes from the cover of his 1979 collection of magazine reportage, The Great Shark Hunt. So that's one place you can get a "copy" of those sunglasses, but it can be pretty expensive — a signed version is currently on sale at Ebay for $5000. Also, it would be hard to wear.
Luckily, the sunglasses themselves — the "Davos" model, produced by the German company Rodenstock from 1974 to 1979 — can be had more cheaply. Here, for example, is a mint-condition pair, complete with what looks to be an alligator leather carrying case, for $240 plus shipping.
Our advice for you? We'll quote HST himself: "Buy the ticket, take the ride." Wherever those glasses take you, we suspect there'll be no looking back once you put them on.
(UPDATE: Our correspondent quickly took our advice and snapped up these sunglasses. Thus, the preceding link now routes you to a cached page.)
Q: First off - thanks a lot for all the tips!! Great stuff!!
I am out hunting for a great laptop bag in the under-$500 region. I really like the looks of the Billykirk schoolboy satchel, but it doesn't serve my purpose since I fly a lot for work, and the lack of any zippers and additional pockets makes it painful. Could you provide me with a few MB recommendations for a laptop (13 inch laptop and an iPad) bag which is also utility focused (a couple of zippered pockets, no belt buckles - takes too long at the airport, has a strap to attach to a stroller handle). Also I would like it to be sleek (I don't care for laptop padding - don't like the bulk) and would prefer it not being made with nylon. I wear open collar suits to work and am 26, so I would prefer it not being too college like but also not something my dad would use.
I know its a lot of requirements. Is there anything out there? —TJ
A: If there's one domain where a senseless lack of utility loses a little bit of its gravitational pull on our hearts, it's airports. Translation: Sure, we get that you need fewer buckles and more pockets than the Schoolboy has to offer when, say, you're trying to make a connection at O'Hare.
For business travel luggage, we like Mandarina Duck. Much of its product incorporates nylon and other synthetics — but note that we're talking Italian synthetics here, and "avant-garde" synthetics at that.
For your purposes, we're going to point you toward the Sistema Workbag. A mix of leather, cotton, and polyurethane, it's as functional as it is sleek — lightweight, compact, but spacious enough for your electronics, with a suitably sub-divided main compartment and an exterior pocket as well.
Taking its aesthetic cues from 80s-era post-modern design, it has nary a whiff of the Ivy League or Dad's study about it. But it will continue to deliver timeless on-the-go style in today's airports, tomorrow's airports, and probably in whatever the 22nd century's architects dream up too.
At only $219, it's well under your price range — but that just mean you'll have more to spend on drinks and car service on your next trip.
First I must say I am a great fan of your writing, and I am delighted to find you back.
With that said, I feel compelled to respond to your 3-button / 2-button post of February 18, 2014. I must politely disagree with your conclusion that the 2-button suit shows more class than 3-button.
If you scroll down the Kennedy-Nixon photo in your post so that only the suits are seen (removing the influence of the photogenic Kennedy and the smarmy Nixon), I think it is undeniable that the 3-button suit is more likely to belong to a higher-status individual than the 2-button. Nixon's 3-button could easily be a bank president, while Kennedy's 2-button (with Kennedy removed) could just as easily be the owner of a car dealership or the president of the local Rotary. Replace Kennedy's pocket square with a couple of cigars and you have Rodney Dangerfield in Caddyshack. Not so with the 3-button.
For the record, I am a committed 2-button man. It suits my build, I like the look, and I feel like James Bond when I'm fitted out in a British-silhouette 2-button. The 3-button has always reminded me of a lab coat. These personal distinctions may result from my early 1960s childhood, when the young and fashionable sported 2-buttons (such as Kennedy, later the Rat Pack) and old men and fuddy-duddies the 3s. But that was BF for me (Before Fussell, who, by the way, I have MB to thank for introducing me), and now I notice and interpret things differently. While I am not arguing Fussell's infallibility, I think the 'proleness' of the 2-button is evident in the way the V broadens the shoulders in the same way as (Fussell points out) do epaulettes, emphasizing strength and, thereby, physical labor. The 3-button wearer in the photo appears never to have done a day of physical labor in his life, and I believe that is the intent.
Even your example of Todd Palin works against your argument, I think: Palin is a physical laborer and could model a 2-button to advantage, yet he dresses (or is being styled) to appear higher-classed. (Forget Ahmadinejad, of course; he looks like he gets his clothes at a rummage sale.)
I am glad to finally get this off my mind, as I had been dwelling on it (and particularly because I had learned about Fussell through your site and have been greatly influenced by him). I have also long intended to write to tell you how much I enjoy your blog. And I absolutely love the new logo. Keep up the great work! —Paul
A: We welcome reasoned dissent from our readers and it's clear you've given this topic a lot of consideration — we especially admire how you use Fussell's observations regarding epaulettes against us! That hurts. But to continue the discourse, here is a thought: If a 2-button jacket is working correctly, it doesn't merely broaden the shoulders (as we agree epaulettes do). It reinforces the overall V-shape of one's torso, which is to say, it broadens the shoulders while narrowing the waist.
The sort of hard labor that creates this shape, in our experience, is many hours at the gym, many hours in the pool, or perhaps if you have very good genes and disciplined eating habits, many hours on fairways or polo fields. It is a look, in short, that comes from (moneyed) recreation rather than full-time bricklaying or ditch-digging, which tends to create a thicker, lumpier, less elongated look.
As for Todd Palin, we agree with your analysis — he no doubt turns to 3-button suits because Frank Luntz (or some other top-notch GOP campaign consultant) has determined through extensive focus-group testing that small-town conservatives of a certain age equate 3-button jackets with bankers, brokers, and other corporate nine-to-fivers maintaining the lower rungs of the top quintile.
But who, other than Todd Palin's wife, Jeb Bush, Ted Cruz, and Chris Christie want to win that vote? Not us, and not you! As we think Fussell would agree, there's a difference between what a prole thinks an upper looks like, and what an upper looks like. In this case, the difference is as subtle as a single button. But as you have found out from your own experience, that single button (or lack of it) makes all the difference in the world. Keep wearing 2-button jackets, and keep challenging us to think more deeply about the choices we make. We appreciate the feedback!
Q: I'm getting some Penny Loafers. Which would the MB stand behind? These Rancourt & Co. Beefrolls, these Prada, or these Allen Edmonds? I like the Pradas the best, but you know, they're $650. —Zach
A: As you probably know, George Henry Bass created the original penny loafer, aka the Bass Weejun, in 1936. Since you haven't included the Weejun as one of your potential choices, we assume you're hoping to find a shoe that puts a twist on this menswear staple. That's a good instinct, but to our eye, your choices are still a little too Old Footwear — even the Prada with its "high-shine leather" and the stylized orifice of its penny keeper still looks fairly traditional.
So we think you should double down on your seeming desire for a twist and go for something even more different than the archetypal penny loafer. While we aren't huge penny loafer fans, there are some things about them that appeal to us. Namely, no laces and no buckles. They are, at heart, a casual shoe, and perfect for those tough mornings-after when a shoe with laces just feels too complicated to operate — you don't even need hands to put on a pair of penny loafers.
Thus, when you're looking for a twist, we encourage you to focus on the "loafing" aspect of penny loafers. The thick crepe sole on this pair of penny loafers from our friends at Oak Street Bootmakers make us want to nestle into a bean bag while our old lady refills our hash pipe. And these sneakerized penny loafers from Salvatore Ferragamo look both comfortable enough to get a heart surgeon through a 12-hour transplant and yet simultaneously sporty enough to propel us to a relatively painless six-minute mile.
Q: MB, ran across this while waiting for a cut this morning. Got me thinking of getting a spring blazer. Love the blazer and the look. Found this at J. Crew this afternoon.
2.5" lapels but it's only $171 this week with a 25% discount. Lapels too narrow? —Eric
But you already seem to know one of the big problems with that J. Crew blazer. Its lapels are so skinny they could have served as Matthew McConaughey's body double in Dallas Buyer's Club. We're also not crazy about its tint. The blue of Brûlé's jacket has a natural organic depth to it. The Crew version has a slightly electrified sheen that makes us think of Chris Kattan and Will Ferrell dancing the night away.
The overall impact? Even J. Crew's model is desperately trying to claw his way out of that Ludlow! Look at the poor guy's fingernails.
Our recommendation: Spend a little more than you were perhaps hoping to spend, and get into this blazer from Z Zegna — assuming it's the right size for you. If it's not, keep looking for something with wider lapels and a subtler shading. The gratification you feel when getting a great deal lasts for a moment. The gratification you get from wearing exactly what you want to be wearing lasts much longer.
Q: Where is the best place to get a men's suit? Budget is 1K max. —Jessica
A: As longtime readers know, our favorite place for suit shopping is yoox.com, a Milan-based e-commerce site. Three days ago, The Telegraph called it "the Amazon of the fashion world."
At Yoox, you will find loads of stylish, Italian-made suits for as cheap as a couple hundred bucks. And here's the best part: the site's vast selection and 100-country reach means that your guy will be the only man within his zip code — or maybe even his time zone — wearing whatever suit you choose.
This is in stark contrast to what we perceive as the Ludlowization of the young, upwardly mobile professional suit market — named after J.Crew's increasingly ubiquitous invasive species. The popularity of the Ludlow eludes us. Why spend $700 on a made-in-China suit with prop buttons and anemic lapels when you can buy Prada, Piombo, or Martin Margiela for less? Pick up one of these, and you'll have more than enough left over to add a tie from our store to your shopping list.
Q: Hey MB: Headed to Miami and Key West next week and need footwear for the beach and pool. That sounds easy but I struggle with open-toe and also need arch support. I've tried OluKai, Sanuk, and I am embarrassed to say, Teva. None have worked out. Any ideas? —John
A: A Google search for "stylish orthopedic closed toe sandals" returns zero results.
But we have a couple of suggestions.
First, try to find a pair of Converse All-Star Chuck It mesh slip-ons on eBay. Arguably Converse's greatest contribution to footwear since the All-Star high-top in 1917, these are our all-time favorite beach/pool shoes. Sporty, light, submersible as a Triton 100, quick-drying, comfortable, and oddly enough, boasting better arch support than the traditional All-Stars provide. Unfortunately, Converse hasn't produced them since 2010, which is why you'll have to hunt for new old stock on eBay.
Second, since you're headed to Florida but stressing over arch support, we assume you're not going there for Spring Break — you sound like someone who is probably a little more seasoned than a college student, and presumably a little more well-heeled (and simultaneously weak-arched). So we think you probably have the means to invest in these Prada espadrille sneakers. While you won't be able to swim in them, they've got an insert, so are far more comfortable than most espadrilles that are set on a flat jute slab. And they will give you all the support your arches need no matter how heated things get on the shuffleboard court. Enjoy your vacation!
Q: I'm so glad to see you guys back and actively posting again. You all are hilarious!
I recently got my first metal/bracelet watch, and I'm not sure how loose or tight to wear it. I generally wear my leather strap watches relatively snug, but I saw someone at work with a suit wearing their metal bracelet watch much lower. It looked pretty cool going along with the rest of the cuff game. I wanted to ask, is a low-slung watch MB, or just sloppy? —Bill
A: We hate to disappoint a longtime reader, but you asked, and we can only offer our honest opinion. Even by its name — you tellingly called it a metal bracelet — your new acquisition falls into the category of jewelry. Check out our jewelry channel to see what we think about jewelry, but the short answer is that 95 percent of what we spend on jewelry is intended for some woman's neck, ears, or nipples.
As for wearing a metal bracelet loosely, our feeling is that this just compounds the error. We grant that such calculated sloppiness might be viewed as artful dishevelment, but for us it just conjures hazy but unpleasant memories of handcuffs.
Our ultimate advice: Nip this metal bracelet phase in the bud and stick to your leather straps (organic materials principle). And while we're giving out watch-wearing advice, a reminder. Keep the watch case to 40mm or less.
Q: Hey MB! I'm going to buy your Buscemi tie tomorrow and wanted some simple advice. I was going to buy a shirt from Deo Veritas but was unsure what would go with that specific tie? I've been a longtime fan and always practice MB principles.
Thank you in advance,
—Jason
A: Much more so than ourotherties, the Buscemi is a statement piece. Given the principle that the number of statement pieces per outfit should always be less-than or equal-to 1, the rest of your look should be quiet, a canvas on which the Buscemi's off-kilter charisma can shine.
In other words, we recommend it on a solid. But not just any solid. You want a distinctive play on texture here, pitting the yin of the tie's nubs against the yang of smooth, tightly-woven shirting. This leads us directly to the Thomas Mason broadcloths in white, baby blue, or light pink.
Be sure to opt for the sewn collar and mother of pearl buttons. It will add up to a fairly hefty $139, but it's 25% off through Feb. 28.
And take note re: the Buscemi. While we're having reinforcements made, there are just a few left from our initial production run. If you want to avoid delays, order it sooner rather than later.
Q: Dear MB: Although the site would appear to be geared to a different age scale; a few style pointers for those of us in our late 60's would be helpful as well. We too buy and care how we look.
Love your positioning on multiple levels. —RJ
A: The core MB principles you've read about here — artful dishevelment, organic materials, and understatement to name a few — will serve you as well in your twilight years as they do in the glory of your youth. Stick to them unwaveringly.
Beyond that, the best advice we can give you and any other man in his 60s is to make sure you are standing safely between Giving Up (sweatpants, Hush Puppies, C-cup manboobs) and Trying Too Hard (Soul patches, concert tees, hoodies).
With age comes wisdom, and yet perhaps the most common mistake we see from men of a certain age involves their craniums.
If you've got hair issues, accept it gracefully. Paul McCartney is hitting the juice so hard these days, Ringo is finally the best-looking Beatle. That stuff on Gene Simmons' head looks durable, stain-proof, and capable of handling heavy foot traffic, but it doesn't look like hair.
As our archives can tell you, we don't necessarily think bow ties should be illegal or even heavily regulated. But we do think you should wear them only in certain situations, namely summer weddings and black tie.
That said, we love this beaver fur bow tie from Vanities. In general, bow ties aim to convey the wearer's unique sense of style in a playful, unexpected, and attention-getting way, usually by using bright colors and/or vivid patterns. This fur bow tie, however, is simultaneously over-the-top and engagingly understated.
Also, as we have counseled in the past, artful dishevelment is a must when it comes to bow ties. And this one has the artful dishevelment built right in.
Even on sale at Barney's Warehouse, it's a little pricey. But don't think of it as a $169 bow tie. Think of it as the only bow tie in the world that can credibly double as a luxury shaving brush.
Q: Page 60 of Paul Fussell's book Class, last paragraph 3rd line down states "the two-button suit is more prole than the three-button Eastern-establishment model."
Just wondering if I shouldn't listen to this part of the Bible due to your stance on the three-button suits, at least for the average size man. And keep wearing the two-button.
P.S. Rest in Peace Fussell. He was a God among not just men, but gentlemen. —Jack
A: Last week, researchers in Tel Aviv determined that camels didn't exist in Israel until centuries after Abraham, Jacob, and Joseph lived — yet the Bible mentions camels more than 20 times.
The Bible Bible, that is. Not Class. But sometimes Fussell can be fallible too. Two-button suits elongate the torso, and elongated torsos have long been the grail of the American overclass. Which is why yoga studios per capita tracks so precisely with income per capita in the U.S. (We are totally making this up but are certain it is true.)
An elongated torso helps accentuate the natural V of a man's body, and as Tom Ford has suggested in the past, emphasizing that natural V is the key to a magnificent presence.
To see this principle in action, consider the classic portrait of John F. Kennedy and Richard Nixon above. JFK looks vital and commanding, the King of Camelot. Nixon looks stout, shifty, Nixonian.
So while our admiration for Fussell remains as strong as ever, our thoughts on two-button versus three-button are as fixed as the word of God on a stone tablet. Leave the three-buttons to Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Todd Palin, and Tricky Dick.
Q: Hi. You listed some of the American Hustle actors and the sunglasses they wore. Please, if you are able, add the make, model and size of Robert De Niro's glasses to the list. They are fantastic! —William
A: Robert De Niro is wearing Ray Ban Wayfarers in American Hustle. You may have blanked on IDing this iconic frame because:
a. They're not immediately recognizable when used as eyeglasses, somewhat similar to how Christian Bale was as a fat, bald guy, and
b. Since Luxottica purchased Ray-Ban from Bausch & Lomb in 1999, they junked them up with logos on both temples and the right lens, as shown in the middle image above. This frame is the eyewear equivalent of a NASCAR vehicle.
The vintage models, like De Niro's and Tom Cruise's in Risky Business are clean. Get these. And don't hesitate to use them as eyeglasses. The only clear eyewear role reversal failure we've seen is GQ Style Editor Jim Moore putting clear lenses in a wire aviator.
A: We've been publishing for nearly 7 years, with over 1500 posts and dozens of features, and we've made a single passing reference to selvedge denim.
So you could say we've been indifferent.
Selvedge denim does score high on the MB principles of exclusivity and archaism — it's made on looms invented in the 18th century — yet we cannot abide or recommend wearing pants that get washed less frequently than the cast of Duck Dynasty.
If you're debating on whether to get into selvedge denim now, from our viewpoint it looks to be on the wrong side of the trend curve. In the October 2013 GQstyle godfather Glenn O'Brien says, "What I think is changing is ... fanaticism for unwashed indigo." And the February 2014 Details (the one with Aaron Paul on the cover, p. 61) takes it further, arguing, "Trust us. Ultra light-wash denim is making a comeback."
We won't go that far. But we do think that rolled cuffs that expose the selvedges will eventually achieve the same cultural status as popped collars or side-swept hair. And we think that's going to happen sooner rather than later.
Q: Hey MB: I'm looking for the spectacles Marcello Mastroianni is wearing in the movie 8 ½. Can't find them anywhere, neither the name of the brand. Any clue? Or any look-alikes? Thx in advance.
—Amir
A: Trying to identify the eyeglasses Marcello Mastroianni wore in 8 ½ is as challenging and inconclusive as the movie itself. The eyewear fetishists at styleforum have been trying to answer this question since 2008 and not only couldn't come to a satisfactory conclusion, they couldn't find a suitable substitute.
And what's with that? At a time when scientists are routinely cloning sheep and exploring the possibilities of bringing back the Pyrenean ibex, you'd think it'd be easy enough to resurrect a pair of extinct glasses, especially when the market is demanding it.
But we digress. Our best guess — with the help of Allyn Scura — is that MM's glasses are a Safilo frame from the early '60s. AS sometimes has it in stock, but unfortunately now is not one of those times. The closest they have at the moment is this French frame from the same era. Contact them if you're interested. And if we get more definitive info on this 50 year-old mystery, we'll post it here.
Q: At a cocktail party last night, an acquaintance pointed out that the lacing on my trusty oxfords was mismatched: the right shoe, straight bar (courtesy of the shoe shop) and the left, crisscross (courtesy of me). Before I correct this four-years-old case of absentmindedness, I thought I should consult MB. What is your recommendation for lacing methods, lace type and end length? (And just what is your thought on the bi-color lacing I see in the magazines?) —Brian
There is a thin line between senseless lack of utility and trying too hard, and it can be found at Ian's Shoelace Site. While we admire attention to detail in unexpected places as much as anyone, we also have a thing for simplicity. Nine out of ten times we do Criss Cross or Display Shoe. With a dressier shoe we'll sometimes mix in Straight Bar, which requires a bit more effort for its streamlined effect but isn't so complicated that we suddenly feel like we're crocheting instead of getting dressed.
Specific lace types depend on the shoe, of course. We like natural laces (cotton, rawhide) over synthetic options, and stay away from any lace that's fat enough to qualify as a skinny tie.
Regarding end length, Professor Shoelace's obsession is instructive here. As his illustration suggests, a 10-inch end length leaves with you a fairly neat bow, and a 12-inch end length crosses into droopiness. For maximum artful dishevelment, we aim for 11 inches.
As for bi-color lacing, we classify that the same way we do dressing up for Halloween: Best left to children and chain-restaurant waitstaff.
Q: A bit of MB guidance would be much appreciated, please. Before we begin, I must let you know that I neither create nor dictate my husband's appearance in any way. You see, he is quite the Magnificent Bastard already; however, some clarity is needed in the grooming department. He currently has a full beard and is growing out his wavy locks indefinitely. For years, my husband's hair was quite short and very sexy. The beard is also fairly new, but not in question. How (if at all) can he grow his hair out and maintain a professional appearance? I should mention that his hair is thinning due to male-pattern baldness. I have always said that this isn't a problem at all and when embraced, is confidently attractive. While George Carlin is fucking hilarious and his legend lives on, I don't want to sleep next to his ponytail. —The Wife
Unless your husband is a religious prophet, a wizard, or a homeless guy, we don't think growing out his beard and what's left of his hair is likely to enhance his professionalism.
What kind of sunglasses is Bradley Cooper wearing in American Hustle? —Alex
A: With the help of our friends at Allyn Scura, who did the eyewear for everyone in the movie except for Bradley Cooper, we were able to learn from the costume designer that they are a vintage frame stamped "Girard made in France" and "3700."
Unfortunately they're harder to find than perm rods.
A red version of the Girard 3700 exists at a shop on the Upper East Side, where they say these are "equally suited for boardwalk wanderings and impromptu parties." We say "boardwark parties," too.
MASSIVELY IMPORTANT UPDATE: Maybe perm rods are more difficult to find. We have acquired a handful of the gold-rimmed Girard 3700s in their original packaging and they're now available in our shop.
As for the rest of the cast, they are wearing far more accessible eyewear:
Q: Hey Guys - long time devotee, glad to see you back. I'm getting married and am shopping for suits. I'm decking my groomsmen out in charcoal Indochinos (God knows what those assholes would show up in otherwise), but would like something a step up for myself.
I'm looking for a medium grey Glen Plaid two button, dual vent but having a hard time finding a nice one. I like the current J. Crew Ludlow, even if the lapels are a bit thin. It has a very nice fabric (same mill as your Buckley tie), but for some reason they refuse to sell it with an inseam for the taller gentleman. I'm 6'4" and typically wear a 36x35", not to mention it looks like their pants tend to run on the short side to begin with.
I'm very open to getting something MTM, but I'd like to keep the price somewhat reasonable, say $1500? I sincerely appreciate any advice! —Jim
A: We admire a man who eschews a traditional wedding day costume in favor of something he'd wear to dinner. This epitomizes the core principle of understatement.
Neighbor: "Working on a Saturday, Jim?" Jim: "Nope. Getting married."
Bravo.
As for the suit, given your size, it will be as difficult finding anything OTR that fits as it was finding your soulmate. Or the person within your geographic and socioeconomic circles who's willing to tolerate your idiosyncrasies and that you leave the seat up. Whichever.
Anyhow, go MTM, as you suggest, and try Brooklyn Tailors. Started by a couple in their Clinton Hill apartment, their stuff is now at Barneys, yet bespoke suits are $1,275; reasonable by MTM standards and within your budget. Spend the balance on a custom shirt.
Finally, we don't know if you or your bride have picked out a wedding band, but we recommend this style. If it's good enough for Prince William, it's good enough for us, and should be for you, too.
Q: Before you went Eat, Pray, Love you used to rail against the skinny tie. Like RAIL against it. Now you've come back and opened a store that sells only skinny ties. Do you find this at all ironic? —Andrew
A: Your note made us smile gently. Yes, partially because we've been project-vomiting gratitude out of our heart-holes ever since we returned from our extended Eat, Pray, Love sabbatical. But also because we took your conclusions about our store as strong evidence that you've been drinking Magnificent Bastards in unrestrained fashion.
We suppose if you strapped our Adam Smith cashmere belts around your neck (pictured in Chocolate Sandwich Cookie), they might qualify as skinny ties. We don't advise that.
Meanwhile, Joseph Kandell, Dan Feinbaum, and Steve Price used to be skinny ties. But they're no more skinny ties now than Mike Ditka's a football coach or Jon Gosselin's a TV star. They've moved on and have entirely new jobs. Like millions of folks in a rapidly shifting economy, they've made a strategic career pivot, acquired new skills and new training, updated their LinkedIn profiles, and now make their living as belts.
Finally, there are our actual ties. All of them are exactly 3 1/8 inches wide at their widest point. Perfect now, perfect forever. Only a Jezebel columnist determined to shift body size norms would think to call that skinny. Or possibly someone who has just enjoyed a half dozen or so MBs.
Also: We still don't like skinny ties. But we thought of a compassionate way to eradicate them from America. Stay tuned for more on this soon.
Some friends and I were drinking some Magnificent Bastards and talking football and, naturally, Shannon Sharpe's dress attire on CBS's pregame show came up. My buddies think he dresses like a clown. I think he dresses with balls and style. Real sharp, as it were. What does the MB say? —Evan
"Balls and Style." Sounds like a good name for a men's style site and corresponding e-commerce shop. Er, nevermind.
We can see where your buddies are coming from with the clown comments. Unfortunately, sometimes Sharpe wears wide, floppy, too-neatly-tied bow ties that definitely evoke thoughts of men in makeup who accessorize with squirting flower boutonnières. Take Saturday, for example (left).
But we agree with you, Evan. Sharpe is great at bold pattern matching and texture combinations. Everything fits perfectly. His lapels are just the right width and echo that of his ties. His knots are almost always appropriate for the collar shape. He often wears gingham and textured ties, both MB favorites (see Sunday; right).
And while we usually need to turn down the volume when he's making a point, he's a pretty good analyst, too.
Q: I think the Kakutani is calling my name. But I've got a problem. I like spread collars, and I know your stance on them. Is it possible you've made the Kakutani so magnificent it works with spread collars even if I'm not Adrian Brody or that dude in The Scream? —Alex
A: We want the world to wear our ties. In fact, we might even sell one to Donald Trump if he asked nicely. And given how acquainted you are with our back catalog, we'd like to do right by you and tell you, sure, go ahead and wear the Kakutani with a spread collar.
Unfortunately, we can't do that. Yes, it is such a good-looking tie that you and many others might be tempted to wear it with a spread collar just show off as much of its fabric as possible. Resist that urge!
Granted, this is not as clear-cut as a Müller-Lyer illusion, but look at these illustrations from Esquire. B's neck and face look thicker and wider than A's, and yet the neck and face (and tie) are exactly the same in each drawing. Only the collar in B is different.
Conclusion: Spread collars instantly fatten your face and neck. And we can't let you do that to yourself, even if it means missing out on a sale. We will not sell you a Kakutani if you're planning to wear it with a spread collar.
Italian ascending K2 in 1954; Spyder toolbag in 2013
Q: This winter will be my first time hitting the ski slopes since pursuing the MB lifestyle. What do you recommend I wear to look good and stay warm without looking like a Spyder Toolbag?
—Ian
Q: Great to have you back! I checked out your ski channel, and while I liked the suggestions, (especially the pants), I'm unable to locate a pair in my size. That was back in 2011, any chance on getting an updated recommendation for a full ski outfit?
—Matt
A: We keep things really simple when we hit the slopes, using, for the most part, what we normally wear in winter. (See earlier post on the matter.) There's no reason to get into a special synthetic sports uniform — see "Spyder Toolbag" look — unless there's a multi-year, multi-million dollar contract involved.
Here are some suggestions from bottom to top:
PANTS
Naked and Famous throws a lot of denim against the wall and some of it — like our highly-recommended Snowpant Denim — unfortunately doesn't stick. (These were nearly 60% off at Neiman Marcus and still took over a year to sell out.)
We contacted N&F and there are no plans to make more. However, Tate and Yoko have 29 and 30 in stock, and there are always a few pairs floating around on eBay and about half the price. Set up an alert.
UNDERLAYER Smartwool Merino next-to-skin. This works for winter biking, snowshoeing, football game watching, or just sitting by the fire.
SWEATER Cashmere turtleneck from 8. No, this is not Brunello Cucinelli cashmere. But we believe 8 to be the best cashmere value in the world.
JACKET
They cost nearly as much as a Vail lift ticket, but if Moncler is good enough for Italians scaling K2 (pictured), it's good enough for us to scale the St. Regis bar at the top of Deer Valley. But any down puffy jacket will do, and if you want to keep it stylishly Italian and starting with the letter M, YOOX always has great deals on Montecore, Moschino, Martin Margiela, and Museum.
HAT
Cashmere hat with a pom. (Similar to pictured.)
SUNGLASSES Vintage Carrera 5425s in tortoise, from Allyn Scura, the official eyewear provider to Magnificent Bastard, and the film American Hustle (opening nationwide on Friday).
Q: It's heartwarming to see you guys back. I've checked in daily since the start of your hiatus and your return is nothing short of a Christmas miracle.
The first snow of the season has fallen here in Boston, and on its heels is another New England winter. But I need to know what to put on my heels.
I'm on a college student's budget but I need boots to trudge through the slush and snow for the next four or five months. I know your stance on L.L. Bean, but the company is established, the products are American-made, and these leather hunting boots seem like they'd hold up. Thoughts?
—Michael
A: L.L. Bean has a well-deserved reputation for durability and great customer service. But we're still reluctant to recommend those shoes you're considering. Yes, they're hunting shoes, so maybe that stacked heel and high-contrast sole are designed to strike fear in the heart of a duck. To us, they just shout "Ladies riding boot crossed with a Dutch clog!"
Since we just posted about the Swims Mobsters, we're assuming you don't want overboots. You want actual boots and they need to be waterproof, which means you're going to end up with something fairly similar to the Beans, especially if you want to stay in that same general price range.
If it were us, we'd probably go with these Sorel Kitchener Frosts, in "Grizzly Bear." While sharing the same basic form as those Beans, they strike us as being less cloggy, and without the bulk of traditional Sorel PACs required here in Minneapolis. And just to let you know we're looking out for your college student's budget, you can get them via Amazon for $157.
Q: very happy to see that you guys are back to a regular posting schedule, and it couldn't have come at a better time for me because i'm in need of some black boots and need your advice.
i'm a public defender, and i need black footwear that'll look good with a suit, but i also want something that i can wear with jeans. and i live in alaska, so i need boots to trudge through the snow. the hydrogen-1 brand you recently endorsed would've worked, but they don't have boots available in my size. i'm about to pull the trigger on these frye chukkas, but wanted your input first —Preston
A: Counselor:
An Alaskan winter will be like felony assault on those Frye boots. There is only one boot we know of that can pull the triple duty you desire — biz, cash, sludge — and it's the Prada 'New Tolbak' Chelsea boot, a dressier version of the Novo we've previously recommended.
Unless you’re on the take, though, we suspect they may be a bit pricey for your employee-of-the-state budget.
What we propose instead is to take custody of these terrific Swims 'Mobster Boot' Overshoes. They're $149, but completely vacate the elements, and feature a soft, insulating lining that buffs your shoes while you walk.
As for the shoes getting buffed, with the Mobsters in defense you can court the much larger (but still small) quantity of low-cut shoes that sit on the biz-cash knife's edge we're always looking for, like the Hydrogen-1s, and just about anything from their more expensive predecessor, Common Projects. (FWIW, the new Hydrogen-1 collection, available in a wide range of sizes, is here.)
This way, you'll have boots when there is snow to trudge through, and shoes for those rare Alaskan days when there isn't.
Q: Great to have you back! I am attending my office Christmas party and I am to bring a $10 gift. Any ideas? —Richard
A: If you want something that will appeal to the widest range of potential recipients, our focus group testing has found that virtually all of white-collar America responds positively to a smoking, drinking man-deer who is not afraid to make a nonchalant spectacle of himself at Yuletime.
If you think the booze will be flowing freely at your party, and your 4th quarter performance has been strong enough to withstand a visit to HR, we like this plastic wine stopper from Gama-Go.
If you're lucky enough to work with literate, discerning colleagues, you can't go wrong with Paul Fussell's Class.
We can't make promises for the last two, but if you buy a Non-Denominational Winter Tree Accessory today, it will arrive in time for Friday office parties. (I.E., we ship it USPS two-day delivery at no extra charge.)
Q: What's up with the lack of postings lately? You've had two so far for the month of September, which sported a grand total of five words. I've taken to reading the SB (who has 8 posts in the month, with more words than I care to count) just to have something to do while I'm supposed to be working. Am I right to be concerned? —Tim
A: Our in-house masseuse thinks this has something to do with blockage of our third eye chakra. We think it has more to do with replacement refs, abundant tee times, and excessive MB Cocktail indulgence.
Whoever's right, we still have a lot to say — although never more than the SB — and will be back to a more regular posting schedule someday.
Q: I am madly in love with Ryan Lochte but read on MSNBC that he has 130 pairs of shoes. This is roughly 100 more pairs of shoes than I own. Which team IS he on? —Elizabeth
A: 130 pairs is a lot of shoes, but well below the well-known homosexual shoe-ownership cutoff of 150 pairs. Dude is straight.
While he would bring more shoes into the relationship than you, we'd be far more worried about his taste level than his sneaker collection. In an interview with Women's Health Magazinehe says his celebrity crush is Carmen Electra. This answer was possibly appropriate 15 years ago, when Lochte was 13 and Electra was on Baywatch and in Playboy pictorials. Now ... disturbingly weird old chick fetish!
Q: What's the MB in the header wearing? The shirt is mostly likely a custom shirt, what about the pants and shoes? Thanks! —Viktor
A: Good eye on the shirt. That is a custom Deo Veritas made with windowpane Thomas Mason in magenta. It's $138 and totally worth it. Vinnie makes great shirts and if you mention MB he'll take good care of you.
The pants are the bottom half of a suit separate prototype one of us is working on.
The shoes are Converse Chuckit mesh sneakers. They work best for the beach or pool but can also be adopted as streetwear during hot Pulaski summers, as shown here. Unfortunately these don't seem to be available online unless you are OK with purple in men's sizes 3, 4, or 7.
Q: Amid the brouhaha about this year's US Olympic uniforms, I'm surprised no one's brought up the obvious complaint: they're hideous! Horrible berets, round collars, ugly ties, and jackets with distractingly enormous manufacturer logos... even the white trousers under stadium lighting will give us a good sense of who wears what underwear. Am I right about this, or just completely out of touch? —Vince
A: You are right (for the most part). The insane politicians who wanted to burn the Ralph Lauren uniforms because they were made in China should have instead wanted to burn the blazer because it's a too-short DB with peak lapels and brass buttons.
The beret is an odd choice. Maybe Lauren thought the games were in Paris instead of London.
None of the aboveQ: Where does the MB stand on shirt monograms? I feel like pocket lettering is trying too hard, but having initials peek out from a cardigan sleeve could bring things up a level. —Mike
A: Mike, it's TTH on the sleeve, too. We've covered this before, arguing that they violate the understatement principle (while also managing to work in a picture of Pippa Middleton's ass), but forgot about the legible clothing principle, which they also clearly violate.
As for the monogrammists' arguments, they speak for themselves, like Howard at Ask Any About Clothes who posts, "I like monograms sometimes. It represents the feeling of being important and professional."
Q: At what sort of events are blue blazers (the classic type with gold buttons) appropriate? I have a nice Polo blazer, but am sometimes unsure it's the right call. —Matt
A: We recommend this look only for scotch ads and sloop christenings.
Don't just stand there, get some glue!
We have been in your shoes — with exposed ankles, of course — with nice blue Polo blazers and strongly recommend jumping ship. Sure, you could replace the brass buttons with blue ones, but we suspect this garment has other problems like padded shoulders and a length hanging down below the bottom of your ball sack.
Instead, get into the modern navy blazer, which is deconstructed and shorter, like this one from Prada Sport at YOOX. It's made from resin-coated wool so it doesn't really wrinkle, and comes with a cool bag it easily folds into, so it's perfect for traveling. It's a great piece and it's on sale. Fits true to size.
Q: The MB-ness of white jeans has been well documented, but what about white cotton dress pants? Denim is too casual, but I would like to step it up at work this summer. —Dave
A: White pants.
White pants!
WHITE FUCKING PANTS!
Were we previously not clear on the MB-ness of white pants? Sorry.
On summer days when we're not wearing blue jeans or white jeans, we're wearing white pants. However, they're not without their challenges, namely finding them and keeping them clean.
Q: Black suit: Is a slim fit black suit a good move for the office and, if so, how should it be accessorized? I prefer to reserve black for evening events, but I'd like to go beyond the navy and charcoal options. (I either don't like light-colored suits, or I don't look good in them...I'm not sure which.) —JY
A: A black suit — slim-fit or otherwise — is only a good move for exactly two occasions:
1. Funerals 2. Auditioning for a gangster role in a Tarantino pic
If you're bored with navy and charcoal and can't do light colors, try a pattern like a windowpane, pinstripe, or our favorite, Glen plaid like this one from Ralph Lauren
What American men need now: Grocery lists on their wristsQ: I was randomly looking through Kickstarter today and saw this: American-made, American-grown underwear. What do you think? —Brian in Seattle
A: In a world where over 56,000 people have pledged over $8.3 million for a clunky wrist device that looks like a Swatch humped a Skycaddie, you'd think American-made (and American-grown, as you astutely point out) undies would generate at least, say, half a mil, right?
No, but a still-impressive $163K has been pledged for Jake Bronstein's Flint and Tinder to make classic briefs, straight-leg boxers, and boxer-briefs at a California clothing factory powered partially by the sun.
While we're opposed to boxer-briefs with leg bands, and "tighty whities" violate our guidelines on testicle-constricting underwear, the boxers look worth the modest investment. We're in.
Q: What's your take on eyebrow maintenance? The unibrow is something to be avoided at all costs but there seems to be a lack of guidance on the subject in terms of the well-groomed male. —Cam
A: Agreed that the unibrow should be avoided, though a few of our favorite Muppets make it work.
Just as we outsource cutting the grass and trimming the shrubs to lawn care professionals, we also recommend outsourcing eyebrow maintenance to your hair care professional. No manscaping here — that's a violation of the artful dishevelment principle — you want just enough deforestation so you don't end up looking like George W. Bush in the Navy pilot or blow years.
Any decent salon (and even a barbershop or two) has warm wax at the ready and can tidy up that patch of real estate in seconds. Simply ask for the service and tip well. It lasts for about four weeks, roughly the same time between haircuts, which is a convenient coincidence.
Q: What's your opinion of dress shirts from Charles Tyrwhitt? —Chase
A: Regular readers know we're raging Anglophiliacs but there are some notable exceptions, like the food, the Windsor knot, and the shirts from Jermyn Street menswear outfitters like Charles Tyrwhitt.
Besides the Windsor knot-ready collar design, their shirts all look far too neat due to the stiff, fused interlinings that inhibit artful dishevelment, an MB principle even more dear than Anglophilia.
By contrast, dress shirts with sewn interlinings (or no interlining at all) aren't just more comfortable, they lend themselves to AD, their collars sometimes taking on as much personality as the person wearing them.
To see what we mean, take a look at Cary Grant's shirt collar in North by Northwest, shot before the invention of fusing. In our view, Grant's shirt from this movie should be equally as revered and admired as his Kilgour suit or Persol sunglasses.
Q: I am going to a summer wedding and want to wear my favorite blue seersucker pants and white shirt. What I'm not sure about is what style shoes should I wear and what color jacket would be best? Also should I wear a tie? If so what kind? —Sam
A: We would embrace and extend your casual look and wear a deconstructed two-button navy blazer, like this one from Scotch & Soda that's just 85 bucks. As for the tie we'd probably wear madras in a width that echos the 3" S&S blazer lapels, but if you don't have one handy just stuff this Land's End Canvas crinkle twill Tartan pocket square in your chest pocket and call it good. It's on sale for $9.99.
With all the money we just saved you, spend it on the shoes.
Q: So my cheap Target sunglasses finally broke recently, and I'm upgrading to Randolph aviators. In regards to frame style, my instinct screams bayonet, but I've noticed toolbag frames are usually bayonet. For the up-and-coming, detail-driven magnificent bastard, what is your recommendation? —Sky
A: Never ignore a screaming instinct, we always say. They happen to be right a lot.
While we agree that some toolbag frames are bayonet, Randolph Engineering aviators with bayonet temples are worn by two of our all-time favorite fictional characters: Col. Kilgore in Apocalypse Now (upper left) and Don Draper in Mad Men (upper right), both of whom would certainly qualify as MBs.
As long as you don't shave your head into a mohawk, wear an oversized Army jacket, and plan on assassinating a presidential candidate, you're good.
A: We absolutely love the idea behind Arnie Wear — who doesn't want to look like Arnold Palmer did in the '60s — it's the execution we have a problem with, with too-long sleeves on the polos, too-long inseams on the shorts, and far too much nylon and quick-dry polyester on everything.
The King never wore quick-dry polyester.
One item we'll be trying out, however, is the Leaderboard dress pant in (mostly) cotton, with a low rise and gentle boot cut (inset). Good golf pants are hard to find, and it looks like you could wear these into the office after a round (unless you get them in Lemon). Plus they'll go great with the Sambas.
Long before Arnie Wear came along, what we've done to put our twist on the '60s Palmer look is find a pair of casual white pants on YOOX, a slim-fitting banded-cuff polo from J.Crew (always on sale), and a fine-gauge cashmere-silk cardigan usually by Cruciani. Add a $4.99 plain white visor from e4hats.com and you are Palmer personified (except for his game).
Q: When should I mothball the tweed for the year? Is it the same in the spring as fall - last freeze as predicted by the Farmer's Almanac? Or just before Easter?
— Mark
A: While the Farmer's Almanac's frost guide is perfect for the introduction of tweed, it's of no use for its retirement. The average last frost in Green Bay, Wisconsin is May 6, which is way, way too late to be wearing tweed. By then we're in white pants, drinking clear liquor.
Just before Easter might work if it had a set date like Christmas, but the range for this holiday 34 days, which is fine for Jesus's resurrection but unhelpful as a style guidepost.
Rather than rely on Mother Nature or Christian holidays for tweed mothbolling, we've been lead instead by the Energy Policy Act of 2005, which extended the start of daylight savings time (DST) three weeks, to the second Sunday in March starting in 2007. For the past six years we've found the start of DST to be a very reliable and natural-feeling tweed end date.
A: We love imagining the look on "Style Guy" Glenn O'Brien's face when he learned underlings at GQ were suggesting fleece sweatpants ... with ankle-hugging elastic. He probably died a little bit, too, on the outside.
Despite the likes of prodigy designer Alexander Wang and shrunken-man designer Thom Browne doing fleece sweats — if you're insane you can buy a pair of Browne's sweatshorts for $300 — this is a clothing item best left to Rocky Balboa and George Costanza.
For times when we need the functionality of sweatpants — usually a tennis warm-up session and not training for a fight against Apollo Creed — we wear bottoms than emphasize the pants over the sweat. That is, pockets in both front and rear, unfettered leg openings, zip flys, and above all, no fleece. It's the fleece that gives off the "I give up" look.
Q: Can you please help Mitt Romney with his light colored dad jeans? Thanks. —Larry
A: Late last year Esquire suggested Romney was wearing the light-wash Obama Fit denim (left) to connect with Iowa farmers — not to mention Iowa's jean-wearing moms — which got us wondering: Is Mitt Romney the first presidential candidate to not only say anything to get elected, but also wear anything to get elected?
Apparently not, as he campaigned in New Hampshire in early January in the Iowa Jeans, but then abruptly abandoned his mom jean-wearing principles after withering ridicule, including a mom-jean cartoon from the Los Angeles Times' David Horsey, and adopted a more fitted, lower-rise, faux-distressed look, as shown at a campaign stop in Boise on Friday (right).
Ellen Von Unwerth's Revenge via amazon.com. $28.20.Q: What the heck is the Spectacular Bitch up to? Still no website! I was looking forward to seeing what an alpha female has to say. At this rate she must be in danger of losing the "spectacular" label. Spank her, will you? —Jim
A: Oh, Jim! Jim, Jim, JIM!
If anyone deserves a spanking, it's MB. I am ready. I have been ready.
A: What's worse? New England getting rid of Pat Patriot or Tampa Bay abandoning the winking pirate Bucco Bruce? We say the latter by a nautical mile.
At any rate, we were completely joking about wearing the Kombi Captain Freedom gloves for skiing. (Though we weren't joking at all about wearing the Naked and Famous Snowpant Denim; they are terrific for banging bumps.)
What we're wearing this year is Wigens bearclaw gloves (bottom). Made in Sweden, these not only protect your fingers from Jack Frost, they also double as part of a Halloween costume if you're dressed as a black bear. 100% goat leather plus 100% rabbit on the outside, the only problem with these is they're too warm.
Q: What do you think of white stitched jeans for a younger male? I got a pair tonight and I love them but some of my friends disagree. Thoughts? —Heath
A: While your youth is a slight mitigating factor, please consult the Venn diagram below as a guide. (In other words, your friends might have a point.)
Q: Hey MB. I also went into an alcohol-fueled spending spree after the devastating loss to the Giants. I did my damage at Mr. Porter's sale, but I have a question about the fit of those Aspesi down jackets. What size did you order? I am 5'10" about 170, 33 waist. I want to replace my rotting Patagonia down jacket, but I wasn't sure what size to order of the Aspesi on The Corner. All that is left is a Large. Any advice?
—Ben
A: Like most Italian brands, Aspesi fits small. Their XL pushes it for us, but we're all quite a big bigger than you, so our strong hunch is the large Aspesi down jacket will fit you perfectly and be a significant upgrade over anything Patagonia, rotting or not.
If you want to take it up even another notch, get into Z Zegna. Slip it on and you'll agree that the additional $202 was totally worth it. (Zegna fits much more traditional American.)
Q: I'm looking to layer up in London over the winter. What are your feelings on long sleeves under a tshirt? Is there any way I can pull off this kind of layering without looking like a douche/toolbag? —Bradley
A: Layering is a key MB principle, but this look has always seemed backwards to us, like putting underwear over your pants.
This hurt us way more than it hurt youQ: Look, we agree on a lot, and disagree on a few things. But one post a week? Stop slacking. You're making us other MBs feel alone in a world of huge watches, True Religion and Robert Graham. It's fuckin' scary and it's nice to hear another voice of sanity out there. —Chris
A: We spent all last week breaking down game film, and since the fiasco on Sunday we're slowly emerging from a prescription drug and MB cocktail-induced shopping binge that triggered cardmember security calls from U.S. Bank, Chase, Citigroup, and even our local credit union.
The primary object of our expensive coping mechanism was the incredibly good deals at The Corner (aka the high-end YOOX), which we highly recommend you check out before everything is gone. Our bounty:
Q: Ben Roethlisberger, post game news conference, WTF? —Wade
A: Big Ben clearly has a hat that's Too Tiny, enhancing the size of his already large and increasingly flabby melon, one that has more chins than the number of TDs he threw against Denver on Sunday.
What struck us though, besides the fact that Roethlisberger bothered to wear something besides an untucked sport shirt, is that this is the same outfit he wore to the ESPY awards in July, 2009, 2½ years ago (below). It's true he's a Hall of Fame toolbag, but you'd think a guy who made $12 million this year would not recycle a dated three-piece suit and prepackaged shirt/tie/pocket square combo he probably picked up at TJ Maxx for $19.99.
Q: The ascot....I am wearing it. It does have a HDD (High Degree of Difficulty —Ed.) but a real MB can pull it off. Your thoughts on this? —Jason
A: The ascot meets at least four core MB principles:
1. Anglophilia. They were first introduced in England. 2. Archaism. In the late 19th century. 3. Exclusivity. It's nearly impossible to find a good one. 4. Senseless Lack of Utility. They are even more useless than a necktie (i.e. they're too short to double as a belt or decent tourniquet in a pinch).
In other words, we love them.
But can you really pull it off? To answer that question we've created an ascot-wearing "decider" flowchart below to help guide you.
Q: Winter is upon us, and I've developed a case of "color matching doubts and anxiety".
— Black pea coat with denim?
— Dark blue sweater with black pea coat?
— Brown sweater with black jeans?
All these look OK in my mind, but I've heard there are rules. Generally, how to wear black other than with black? Please help clear my mind. —Shane
A: Black and blue are a natural pairing, so wear #1 and #2 with confidence. We would never try #3, not because it can't work, but because we don't own a pair of black jeans, primarily to avoid ever looking like anything resembling Justin Theroux. (We don't care if he's plowing The Hottest Woman of All-Time. 40-year-old in a Siouxsie and the Banshees T? Even money says this dude's never even been to a show.)
Anyhow, if you're still suffering from color matching doubts and anxiety after reading this we recommend avoiding black entirely and opting instead for charcoal grey for the outerwear and blue for the jeans. Both of those go with anything.
Q: Now that we're in sweater weather, what are the rules for wearing a sweater with a suit or sportcoat? —Dave
A: We only have one rule when it comes to sweaters under blazers: don't look like Gene Siskel or Roger Ebert (top).
Instead, go for something fine-gauge in crewneck as demonstrated by Robert Redford, or our personal preference, the turtleneck as shown by Steve McQueen most famously in Bullitt (bottom).
While we're pretty sure McQueen could handle wool against his skin, we suggest opting for cashmere. If you have the bread, Malo is the obvious, best choice. If you don't, take a look at 8, available at YOOX. We've obsess over cashmere sweaters and have discovered 8 is the best value going, and this version is on sale for just $135. Fits slightly small.
A: As much as we are amused by the black sheep sweater's marketing concept, we don't actually own one. However, we've heard from several readers that at $120 this is a very good purchase, in spite of it initially smelling like the Irish barn they are made in. All it needs, apparently, is a little fresh air and it's fine. One reader likes it so much he called it a "lifer" and something he plans on handing down to his black sheep offspring.
Q: I'm shopping around for a new pair of wing tips. I see Antonio Maurizi shoes featured all the time on Gilt. What's your take? —Jim
A: We were extremely optimistic about a pair of Antonio Maurizi chukka boots last year but upon delivery they clearly were on the "excessively pointy" side of the MB Shoe Toe Pointiness Chart. Now, wing tips are certainly different from chukkas, but their toe shape still doesn't plot high enough to be considered.
Real breastsQ: Just saw on J.Crew's website that J.Crew has teamed with Tourneau to create a watch by former watch makers Mougin & Piquard. I think it would be a great watch to add to the collection. What's your opinion on how MB it is and is it worth the $425 price tag? —Zack
A: Normally we're in favor of watches made by defunct Swiss manufacturers that require a pronunciation guide — it's pronounced mooj-awe and peek-are — but this watch is a definite pass. It's ironic that J.Crew is resurrecting a brand that was killed off by the quartz movement craze of the '70s, yet with Tourneau's help fits this watch with a quartz movement!
We've said it before, but quartz vs. a mechanical movement is the equivalent of motorboats vs. sailboats, or gas fireplaces vs. wood fireplaces, or fake breasts vs. real breasts. It's a corollary to the long-standing MB principle of organic materials. For around $300 you can get a decent Swiss-made military-inspired mechanical watch and save enough money to buy a cord of firewood.
ELSEWHERE: The "quartz crisis" that laid waste to Mougin & Picard and many other Swiss mechanical watch manufacuters.
I know what you're thinking. 'Did he button 6 buttons or only none?'Q: As a follow up to your recent post about cardigans. Should one wear them buttoned or not? —Matt
A: We never button our cardigans, except for the walk home from the Pulaski bar scene on a chilly night when we will ineptly button them off by one button, and if we've had enough Magnificent Bastard cocktails, two.
Q: What are your thoughts on a shirt and tie with no jacket? The internet style-forum consensus seems to be a resounding no, unless you work in a mail room or are a Jehovah's Witness; but it is still a look one sees all the time (not that that's necessarily an argument in its favor, of course). But if it is so wrong to wear a shirt and tie without a jacket, why do people take off the jacket? Does having the jacket nearby magically change the look of the outfit? If so, at what distance is that magical connection lost? The next desk over? A different floor? Do certain jackets maintain the connection over further distances from others? Thanks! —Ed
A: Ed, forget about the distance your jacket is from your body and focus instead on properly artfully disheveling your shirt and tie.
We agree with the hoi polloi that when you wear only a shirt buttoned to the top with buttoned cuffs and a snugly-tied tie, it looks like either a.) something is missing, or b.) something is missing and you're about to go preaching door-to-door.
So don't wear only a shirt buttoned to the top with buttoned cuffs and a snugly-tied tie. Undo the buttons and roll up the sleeves. Loosen the tie knot and turn it to a side. Does Paul Newman look concerned that he's missing something? Joe Paterno, on the other hand, is super pissed off he can't find his jacket.
Q: For cool fall days, are hoodies bastardly? What about this one from Alternative Apparel? —Chris
A: We've never been big fans of hoodies, unless of course you're a woman, a boxer, or still waiting to graduate from high school. They're like cardigans for kids.
Use the chart below as your hoodie (or cardigan)-wearing guide.
Q: What brand/model/style of glasses did Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis wear? —Ray
A: Al Davis likely took the sure answer to this question to his grave. A Google search says they are vintage Alain Mikli shades, but our best guess is these are vintage or custom Vuarnet — indicated by the V-shaped bridge — a company which was acquired by Mikli in 2009.
Either way, finding a pair will be more difficult than finding an answer to why Davis made JaMarcus Russell the #1 pick in 2007.
Q: We're coming up on ski season quickly. What would an MB full ski outfit look like? And yes I mean ski since an MB would not snowboard. —Alex
A: Alex, you are correct. We do not snowboard. In fact we actually limit our ski vacations to Mad River Glen in Vermont and Deer Valley and Alta in Utah. These are the three remaining resorts in the United States that have rightfully banned this boarding horde of mogul-flattening teens. Do not mess with the bumps.
As for the ski outfit, we keep it very simple with stuff we already have in our regular winter rotation, like a puffy coat that hits at the waist, a cashmere hat with a pom, and leather stars-n-stripes "Captain Freedom" gloves. Where we venture outward is on the pants. Naked and Famous has created the coolest ski pants ever, the Slim Guy Snow Pant Jeans. They fit and look like denim but are lined, waterproof, windproof, and have have vented cuffs to fit over your ski boots.
Hi MB. I am into soft knit winter/fall hats, and really like this one from J. Varvatos. It's soft cashmere and looks pretty good without being douchy. Any ideas that don't cost flipping $168? It's a hat! —Dan
A: We have a simple rule about winter hats. If it costs more than $100 it must be 100% cashmere. Maybe even 110%. Either that, or there should be one extremely cold beaver somewhere. That Varvatos hat, while a fine-looking chapeau, is $168 and it's only 25% cashmere. Not even close!
Not that we're saying you should pinch your pennies when it comes to your head. After all, you'd surely spend $168, and probably even much more, on a pair of shoes you really like — and what are your feet but the day laborers of your body? Your head, meanwhile, is the CEO. So don't skimp! To that end, we like this cabled Bottega Veneta cashmere cap (bottom). Sure, it's $260, but like all CEOs, doesn't your head deserve a nice Christmas bonus?
Meanwhile, you didn't ask, but we couldn't help but notice Petty's scarf has a message for our readers. It's saying, "Don't do me like that!"
We know this is a signature look for Petty, but if you ask us, what it says is, 'I've been waiting for the Sundance Catalog to add an ascot page for years, but still no luck. I'll guess I'll use this scarf. And, uh, how do you tie an ascot again? Well, this is sort of close, right?"
Next week, we're posting a scarf-tying guide that will feature 7 ways to tie one. The Petty won't be on the list.
Q: I have a Christmas party for a large bank coming up in a few months, and since I've managed to navigate life thus far without a respectable suit I thought I'd get one made from a local tailor. As we were going over the fit and style of the suit, he asked if I would like pleats. Being a long-time MB reader and knowing your stance on such things, I replied that I did not.
This raised a problem - being a former speed skater and avid cyclist, my seat-to-waist proportion is a bit out of the normal range. Without pleats, the standard slit pant pocket would be stuck slightly open giving the impression that the pants do not fit. The tailor recommended I go with continental-style pockets, which are more similar to the style used in jeans. What does the MB thing of this dilemma? —Andrew
A: Andrew, we top out at around 15 mph on a pair of skates. But even so, we love Continental-style pockets on dress pants, precisely because they make them less dressy. So listen to your tailor on this one, and make sure to have him style the jacket to match, preferably with double vents. Single vents are great but are also more traditionally American.
Ed. note: We got this response from another thick-thighed reader and thought it worthy to post here.
I relate to Andrew of today's continental pockets question as I, too, have been endowed with strangely muscular legs. I have 26" thighs (Schwarzenegger had 28.5" at his peak). I found your answer to be incomplete in that, while I, too, find continental pockets to be both magnificent and especially bastardly, any tailor that can actually construct a suit should be able to make even on-seam pockets lay flat. My tailor has done it with off the rack pants, so fully custom is no problem. The other thing to watch out for is a too tight waist; the tighter the waist the more the pockets will flare.
—Tyler
Q: Punches have been making a comeback in craft cocktail bars for a few years. I like one to be my contribution to a party. I try to switch up the recipes, stay egalitarian enough for both sexes to imbibe, stay strictly away from anything too sweet and err on the side of deceptively easy to drink. I've been blamed for a lot of behavior best forgotten which I take a certain amount of personal pride in. I've tried classic British Navy recipes and ones borrowed from Death & Co., the Violet Hour, etc. Do you have any favorites? —Keska
A: In our opinion, punch is one of the world's greatest mysteries. How did it get invented in India in the 1600s, when neither country clubs nor sorority girls existed yet? We've spent a lot of time pondering this question over the years and are still no closer to an answer, but that's okay. Sometimes, it's best just to accept the bounty the universe bestows upon us.
As you've already discovered, punch is an unbeatable party drug and a drink we always serve at our get-togethers. It goes down easy, it's communal, and when made properly the police will show up.
A version that subscribes to your principles (which we wholeheartedly endorse) and is perfect for the summer-fall transition is something we call simply Fun Punch. (It has earned this name many times over.)
2 cups natural brown (demerara) sugar
2 cups water
1/2 cup grated fresh ginger
1 gallon Cabin Still bourbon
3 gallons Simply Lemonade
2 cups freshly-squeezed lemon juice
Make a simple syrup with the sugar, water, and ginger by bringing them to a boil in a sauce pan. Simmer for 15 minutes, stirring occasionally. Cool and then strain. Combine the ginger-infused simple syrup and the other ingredients in a 5-gallon Culligan water bottle and shake. (You may need some help with that last step.) If you don't own a Culligan water cooler you can rent one for about 35 bucks. When you return it, it will smell like Nick Nolte has been sleeping in it for several days, but surprisingly, the company we rent from does not seem to mind this. Or at least it hasn't called us on it yet.
Bootcut jeans. Going the way of Crocs?Q: Bootcut jeans these days are nose-diving on the stylishness scale. Sources ranging from GQ to random style bloggers now treat bootcut jeans like they're the next shiny square-toed shoes. Why is this? When did this happen? It's frustrating because straight jeans are too tapered to fall properly around any shoe. Unless you get a size that's too short, they just bunch up at the ankle and look sloppy. As a result (and the only way to alleviate this sloppiness), we've got the fashion industry telling us that it's also a great look to roll up our pants legs, because, as we all know, men want to emulate the bastardly Huck Finn and the magnificent Opie Taylor. Please, enlighten us. —James
James, we don't know what happened to bootcut denim but we haven't worn a pair of bootcut jeans in a very, very long time. In fact, we were wondering if one could even buy a pair anymore and did a quick inventory of well-known retailers and their bootcut denim stock.
Retailer
# of Jeans
# of Bootcut Jeans
%
Barney's Co-Op
135
1
.7%
Bergdorf Goodman
24
2
8%
Bloomingdale's
178
31
17%
Neiman Marcus
151
19
13%
Nordstrom
260
41
16%
Saks Fifth Avenue
215
24
11%
Among these retailers, Barney's is the most forward-looking, so this data predicts that in a year or two wearing bootcut denim might exceed shiny square-toed shoes in unstylishness, and perhaps even become the equivalent of wearing Crocs.
As for your bunching dilemma, a proper straight jean is not tapered below the knee. Hence the name. If it is, then it loses it claim on the name and becomes a skinny or slim jean. We encourage you to avoid those as much (well, almost as much) as you avoid bootcut jeans.
If you're looking for a good straight leg jean, our all-time favorite fit is Adriano Goldschmeid's Protege. 17.5" at the knee, 17.5" at the leg opening. Perfect. Cut to the proper length, these won't bunch.
Q: I'm in need of a warm winter jacket I can wear while I bike to work. I've been wearing a North Face jacket and while it's kept me warm and dry, it does not look magnificent. Any suggestions? —William
A: A good winter cycling jacket for urban/utilitarian riding should (a) keep you warm (b) offer some protection from rain (c) wick sweat away from your body (d) be comfortable without flapping all over the place and (e) look so good it will feel a little insulted that you think of it as a "cycling jacket" and not just a "jacket."
That's a lot to ask from a single garment of clothing, especially if you're planning to ride in freezing or near-freezing temperatures and/or major downpours. If you're limiting your riding to less extreme winter conditions, we have two recommendations: Sheila Moon's Red 'Tooth Jacket and Rapha's Tailored Jacket.
The former's a wool/poly blend, the latter 100 percent wool. Wool's not going to repel water like GoreTex, eVent, or other synthetic fabrics so technically advanced they defy the laws of proper capitalization. But wool stays warm even when it gets wet, and we think it works just fine for commuting-length rides. We don't think you can win the Tour de France in either of these jackets, but you would sure look good soft-pedaling down the Champs-Élysées. Or sprinting down Main Street as you race to make it to your Monday morning meeting.
If you're looking for something a little more casual, any full-zip wool sweater will do. We like this one from Khuna. It's made from 100 percent yak wool. And if yak wool can keep a yak warm and toasty on its morning commute, it should do the same for you.
Q: Do you know of any retailers (online or otherwise) that stock the TST sneaker collection? Apart from YOOX (which only offers selected items of previous collections) and tstshoes.com (which seems to be a Spanish-based site not directly affiliated with the company) I have a hard time finding any retailer that sells those shoes.
It's nice that you recommend them but I can't seem to find them anywhere (except for small sale stock)
—Jeff
Editor's note: This is one of many emails regarding finding TST shoes. Good luck.
A: Jeff, finding TST shoes can be as hard as finding a stripper with real breasts, which is definitely part of the appeal that goes beyond their artfully disheveled styling. We used to see them at Fred Segal in Santa Monica, but frankly YOOX has been our supplier of late. No, they're not going to be the latest versions but YOOX has lots of options at discounted prices.
If you're looking for the 2011 F/W collection — which is terrific, BTW — we've discovered that part of it is going to be available later this week at LA retailer Qio which specializes in clothing, footwear, and accessories from Japan. They've ordered the 2039F (top), the 813L (middle), and the 3039L (bottom). They won't be available on the Qio web site so email or call Masako at 310-979-3555 to get into a pair. (They run small so add a size.)
A: We've found that Mother Nature offers sound guidance on when to break out the tweed: first frost. According to the Old Farmer's Almanac, on average this happens in Green Bay on October 4. This feels just right for us, as it's also the time we move exclusively to brown liquor. For most of the rest of the country we think the Almanac's first frost table will function as a fairly accurate tweed-wearing guide too.
If you live in a climate where frost is rare, you can start wearing tweed as soon as it's gloomy at least three days in a row.
If you live in climate where it never even gets gloomy, you either own no tweed or your love for the fabric is so irrational you will have no use for practical advice like ours.
Q: What does the MB think about baldness? Obviously not George Costanza bald, but shaving one's head completely. It comes off as kind-of-MB-ish, potentially, but also frat-boy-ish. Where's the needle on the MB-meter when it comes to a completely shaved head? —Andrew
A: There are a couple things to keep in mind when you're thinking about shaving your head as smooth as a bowling ball. First, does your naked head actually look like a bowling ball? Hair hides a lot of flaws, including asymmetrical facial features, funny-shaped skulls, below-average eyebrows, etc. Even a little hair can help a little bit — when you shave it all off, you may end up calling more attention to aspects of your appearance you'd prefer to keep less visible.
Second, the smooth-shaven look requires a lot of maintenance. That's one reason that we've advocated for a less aggressively shorn look for bald men in the past. That, plus the fact that there's a pretty good chance you're going to end up looking like a penis, a white supremacist, or a magician. Which is not to say that the full Savalas can't work for some men. As our guide below shows, the closer your shaved head looks to a large brown egg, the better your chances of success.
Q: What is the proper length for a sportcoat or suit (and should there be a difference?) in the modern era? In other words, where should it end relative to your torso? I have a variety of high-quality sportcoats and suits acquired over the years and have typically worn a 40L, to get the chest fit and sleeve length mostly (I'm 6'1" with long arms and 33 inch waist). But the length of the coats (top of collar to bottom) varies from 31 1/2" for an Armani sportcoat to 33 1/2 for a suit. I'm not interested in the Thom Browne look, nor do I want to look like I'm wearing grandpa's suit. Some of mine now feel dated due to this length. The coats I see on the guys which look like they fit the best seem to be shorter length — ending just at the bottom of the rump. Looking at the J. Crew Aldridge it seems that is where they should hit — although it's hard to tell from the model's slouching. What is your point of view on this issue? –Nick
A: Nick, we believe there is a perfect length for a blazer or suit jacket (no, there is no difference). To illustrate this, take a look at da Vinci's Vitruvian Man below. A jacket should end at the end of your nutbag — give or take a 1/4" — when tried at room temperature. This will obviously involve standing in front of a mirror with your pants down, so we don't recommend doing this in department stores with security cameras, fraternity houses, or the Congressional gym, unless you want to end up on the web some day.
Note: If your balls go for a swim when you sit down on the can, this method will not work for you.
Q: I have a summer wedding to attend and have a grey zzegna cotton suit. I am not sure what shoes to pair it with as the pants are quite narrow. Please help. —John
A: With the notable exception of the recent Kim Kardashian/Kris Humphries wedding, which featured $5 million earrings and an absurd, six-foot-tall sex toy made out of wedding cake, summer weddings are casual. So your choice of a casual cotton suit is a good one.
In his highly entertaining (and highly recommended) book How to Be a ManGQ Style Guy Glenn O'Brien says:
"...the fashion-forward periodically tell us it's OK to wear sneakers with a suit. Maybe if you've been embezzling and the auditors are in the office, sneakers will give you an edge if you make a run for it, but basically sneakers with a suit is a fundamental error, no matter how much the sneakers cost or who designed them."
We disagree. Or maybe it's just that we have more expansive definition of "sneaker" than O'Brien does. In any case, we think these textured leather sneakers from Thompson would be perfectly wedded to your Z Zegna suit. Despite their Anglo-sounding name, they're actually made in Italy — like your suit — and their narrow cut will pair well with your narrow pants.
If, however, you fall more in line with the Style Guy's way of thinking, then go for these suede Gucci lace-ups. They're dressier than the Thompsons, but with their relaxed lines and non-glossy finish, you won't look like you just came from a wedding when you hit the bars after the reception ends.
Q: Oh oracle of basterdom, could you give us a rundown on what the ex-toolbag in the header is wearing?
— T
A: The toolbag has transformed from camo cargo shorts, a waffle-knit Florida State long-sleeve T, a royal blue windbreaker, and running shoes (see a picture of the poor guy) into:
Shirt: Levis. $100. Tie: Mountain and Sackett. $59. Jacket: Belstaff 'The Racer'. $450. Pants: J. Crew vintage slim (wheat). $98. Shoes: Allen-Edmonds McAllister. $325. Watch: Timex Vintage Field Army. $150. Belt: Stylist's own
Read just received a new shipment of nice-looking shirts (we've already ordered the Jake Madras), and at a $98 retail you're getting the style consulting for 52 bucks. If we didn't already strongly resemble the "After" shot — yes, we raided our own wardrobe for the shoot — we'd seriously consider this deal.
Q: I was wondering about appropriate MB sideburn length. Specifically, what's the appropriate sideburn length-to-width ratio? I've seen guys whose sideburns are narrow, but grown fairly long (past the earlobe) and it looks too long to me given the width. It got me thinking, thus my question. Thanks! —Evan
A: When it comes to sideburn length, follow the golden ratio — 1.6180339887. In other words, if you want sideburns 1 inch in width, make sure they are 1.6180339887 inches long. We know maintaining that degree of precision sounds tough, but over time, you will master it.
Throughout history, Wikipedia tells us, architects, artists, industrial designers, and Mother Nature herself have relied on the golden ratio as an aesthetic guide. If it's good enough for da Vinci, Mondrian, Le Corbusier, and the Parthenon, it's good enough for your face.
Q: What can you advise for those seeking magnificence without a great deal of financial means? I'm talking below the poverty line here: I'm a graduate student, and after rent, transportation, and tax, I have less than $120 to spend a month for food, drink, laundry, and so forth. So in what ways can a guy get the most bang for bastard buck? —Evan
A: Have you ever thought about learning to play the guitar or building a time machine? The only way we know to live on $4 a day and still attain a degree of magnificence involve imminent rockstardom (and the helpful female benefactors that come with that) or inhabiting the 18th century.
Our best advice for you circa 2011 if you don't think you have it in you to be the next Axl Rose? Spend $15 a week on food. (That should get you a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs, a jar of peanut butter, a giant sack of rice, and maybe some butter.)
Devote $10 a week toward your entertainment fund, by which we mean a monthly 1.75L bottle of Bulleit. Also, get a library card. We sound like a public service announcement here, but reading is one of those rare pleasures that can be enjoyed as much by a pauper as a king.
Devote $5 a week toward your wardrobe and pay close attention to the "Classifieds" sales that Landsendcanvas.com has fairly regularly. (A new sale just started this weekend.) If you're lucky, you can pick up a polo shirt for as little as a $1.50.
It won't be as nice as a $150 polo shirt, but you will have at least one advantage on your side: The flattering silhouette of a man surviving on 2 bucks worth of food every day.
If you find that extreme hunger is making you dizzier than the bourbon is, adjust your budget accordingly — i.e., forgo the wardrobe budget for a month or two and spend more money on food. Don't ever compromise on the bourbon — that's your recreation, your health plan, and your heating bill all combined into one convenient package.
How do I keep my dress shirts tucked in to like a model? Shirts look great in photos and then they get all puffy and bunched up around the waist in no time flat. —James
A: Roughly 66 percent of American men are overweight and about 25 percent are obese. Meanwhile, 100 percent of male models either have a six-pack, anemia, or both. (Plus-sized models are a strictly female phenomenon as far as we know.)
But while off-the-rack shirtmakers are happy to perpetuate oppressive ideals of masculinity (yes, we're totally joking) when creating their print ads, catalogs, and websites, they have to tailor their shirts to that tubby 66 percent if they want to make any money. If you're fit, which it sounds like you are, these shirts are going to make you look like you finished third in the latest season of The Biggest Loser (i.e., you lost some weight, but not enough to finish in the money and purchase a new wardrobe).
What we've been getting into since our feature on custom dress shirts is, well, custom dress shirts. Our current fave is Chicago-based Deo Veritas run by Vinnie Sikka. They've got top quality fabrics and construction, and we've tweaked our dimensions to perfection, which for us is slim through the torso but leaving just enough excess to easily achieve artful dishevelment.
A: Our favorite chukka at the moment is from MB fave TST, available here. In the waning days of summer, even the casual, laid-back feel of a classic chukka boot feels too fancy for us, so we turn to the TST 2229s, which add some sneaker genes (rubber sidewall, fat cotton shoelaces) to the classic chukka's DNA. Like all TSTs, the 2229s look like they were crafted by master artisans with an awful hangover — their lines are graceful, perfectly proportioned, but undeniably shaky. We love the effect.
Even with a debt ceiling deal, at current exchange rates these are going to run you $250. Which if you ask us is actually a pretty good value for shoes you can wear at work (if you're a "creative" or a professional shoe model) and at leisure. And why would you want to be anything but a "creative" or a professional shoe model, especially in the waning days of summer?
Q: Hi - my brother is one of the groomsmen in a wedding and they are all being told they are wearing tan linen suits, white shirts and some sort of colorful tie (Florida wedding). He knows how you stand on linen, but doesn't have much choice here and is wondering what kind of white shirt goes with a linen suit. Linen? Regular dress shirt? I have to admit, I have no idea. —Gabriela
A: Gabriela, definitely not a linen shirt. That's like the wedding equivalent of the Canadian tuxedo, aka denim on denim. And as everyone knows, you should only wear denim on denim if you're feeling lucky, punk.
What the wedding party needs is lightweight 100% cotton shirts with sewn collar and cuff interlinings, which will complement linen with their natural, artfully disheveled look. Dress shirts with fused interlinings are almost always too neat in our opinion, but they are an especially bad match with wrinkled linen suits, kind of like the shirt-suit equivalent of Crystal Harris and Hugh Hefner.
We know you didn't ask about the ties, but if you have any pull with the groom please insist they absolutely not be silk. Again, too shiny/smooth of a contrast with the linen's matte/nubs. Go for linen or a linen-cotton blend.
Q: Where can you find these glasses used in your wonderful photo promoting the concoction of the Magnificent Bastard cocktail? —Alan
A: A cocktail glass is like a bra, Alan. Ultimately it doesn't matter how fancy it is — it's what inside that's going to make your evening. Which is our way of saying that we got those glasses at Crate & Barrel. Simple, functional, they do the job. When someone breaks a glass at one of your parties, you want them to regret the lost cocktail, not the lost glassware.
Q: I have a bit of an issue with polo shirts. I'm 5'6 with an athletic/weight-trained physique. I normally wear either a L or XL golf/polo shirt...my issue is, the length of short sleeve. Some of these shirts come down past my elbow. Could you recommend a golf/polo shirt with a shorter length short sleeve? I'm not liking the thought of having to take them to be tailored down. Your thoughts? —Stephen
A: We've spent $20 to have sleeves shortened on otherwise-perfect $10 t-shirts, so we know and appreciate the importance of precise sleeve length. (For tees we're not quite at Brando cap-sleeve territory, but within an inch or two.)
As for polos, anything that comes down past the elbow are for old people (top). But if you really like the shirts that have longer sleeves, pay for their shortening surgery. You won't regret it. If you're looking for shirts that already come with short sleeves, Lacoste is an obvious choice if you prefer banded sleeves, like The King used to (bottom). If you prefer no logo, J. Crew's vintage tailored polos show just enough bicep to verify your absence of a barbed-wired tattoo. Wyatt, which makes our favorite polo shirt at the moment and, as far as we can tell, is only available at bluefly, offers a similar cut with open sleeves.
Q: Dear MB — What are your thoughts on a suit that has patch pockets on the jacket? I'm considering a blue Margiela suit that I will wear for business, but it has patch pockets and I'm wondering if this is too casual? —George
A: No, not too casual unless you're a banker, undertaker, 13-year-old boy, or U.S. senator. (It's definitely OK in the House.)
We love suits with jackets with patch pockets for at least three reasons.
1. Casual suits lend themselves to artful dishevelment 2. Casual suits lend themselves to more interesting tie, belt, and footwear choices than their dressier counterparts 3. With the addition of a few other pieces you can practically get a whole wardrobe out of separating a casual suit
Wear the blazer with denim, or for an especially good look, white jeans or trousers. If you're really good, shorts. Presumably the suit pants are in a similarly casual vein as the jacket, so you'll be able to wear them with a sweater, a sport shirt, or even a polo. While it has its place in board rooms, Bar Mitzvahs, and the Capitol Building, the traditional flap-pocket wool suit can't touch this.
Q: I'm struggling to figure out what I should get my groomsmen for being in my wedding. Any ideas? —Trae
A: If it's your first marriage, you're probably relatively young and so are your groomsmen. They haven't been groomsmen at a ton of weddings yet, so we think it's safe to go with something fairly predictable and yet eminently useful to any man: A decent flask. Yes it's cliché and our endorsement might have something to do with our love affair with alcohol — did you ever think for one second this site is the product of men who are sober? — but it's the only groomsman gift we've ever received that isn't either in a landfill or hidden away in a drawer somewhere. (In fact, this gift is hidden inside our blazers' breast pockets right now.)
Anyhow, we like this Wentworth pewter flask from Kaufmann Mercantile. It's handmade in Sheffield, England, fully satisfying the principle of Anglophilia, and with the 6oz. version, also satisfying the principle of getting tight.
Now, if it's your second marriage or beyond, you need to be a little more creative. In this case, we like the Survival Hand Chain Saw from Garrett Wade. Extremely portable, weighing almost nothing, your groomsmen will find it perfect for sawing through their own arm when they need to escape that bridesmaid they're stuck under the morning after. It's not an item most guys have, but who wouldn't want to have one handy?
Q: MB: Based on your recommendation, I have been wearing the Persol PO0714 sunglasses. For all their moving parts, they have held up well. However, the silver hinges where the temples fold in half has become tarnished. I have asked an authorized dealer and looked on their website without any luck. Do you have any recommendations? —Erich
A: Don't do anything rash — that bug's a feature! Tarnish is just nature's way of achieving artful dishevelement. While we don't necessarily welcome it on our soup spoons, we think a little looks great on a pair of Persols.
Now, if your silver hinges have turned black or are crusting up, that's another story. In that case, our glasses expert tells us that jeweler's rouge, applied via a cotton buffing wheel (which itself is attached to a grinding wheel), should do the trick. A good optician should offer this service.
Q: Hello, I am just about to start college and in need of a watch. I read on the site about military-inspired watches and do love the O&W watches but they are definitely out of my price range. I diverted my attention to your other suggestion which was the J.Crew's military-inspired watch, and for $150, I think they are fairly priced. My question is, your original posts about the O&W and J.Crew watches all have black dials but I am leaning towards the white dial version of it available on J.Crew's site. Is the white dial military-inspired watch still MB-endorsed? —Sean
A: Sean, keep in mind that a watch like the longtime MB favorite, the O & W Kartargo, is built to last for decades. Over time, a reliable watch that never goes out of style becomes a treasured, faithful companion — sort of like a tiny mechanical dog that will never shed on your clothes or shit on your rug. Viewed in this light, the Kartargo's current price of $489 is not all that extravagant. But if that truly won't work for your budget, there are other far less expensive options, especially if you are OK with a quartz movement.
For a mechanical military watch on a budget, consider the Military Watch Company's GG-W-113, which follows the specifications (PDF) issued by the U.S. government for infantry watches in 1962. (We first saw these watches at Hickorees, but unfortunately, they're currently out of stock there.) The GG-W-113 is made in Germany, it's water-resistant to 30 meters, has a hack system for anal-retentive time-setters, and it only costs $125. While the Kartargo is automatic, you will have to wind the GG-W-133 by hand, every day, for several seconds. It will seem grueling at first, but then you'll come to look forward to this little daily ritual, this brief acknowledgement that life is fragile, temporary, always in danger of running down unless you make an effort to push forward.
Oh, right, your question: What do we think about white dials? Military watches invariably feature black dials because that makes them less conspicuous in combat situations. While you probably don't need to take precautions against sniper fire in everyday life, we still greatly prefer black dials for civilian use. They're more understated than white dials, and, in our opinion, more readable too.
Q: Dear MB: My brother is getting married soon, and I've been helping him pick out a tuxedo. I won't be in a tux at the wedding, but it's gotten me thinking about what I'd like to wear when it's my turn. I'm decided on most of the details (two button, double vent) but I'm still undecided on the lapel style. I'm leaning towards a shawl collar, but my brother, who opted for a notched lapel, thinks it'll look ridiculous. Is any one of the options MB-preferred? —Raj
A: Raj, we strongly suspect your brother is older (and hence wiser). Shawl-collared tuxedos are definitely having a moment in 2011, but so is Rebecca Black. In 18 months the only place you'll be able to find a shawl-collared tuxedo is at James Bond re-enactor parties. Or possibly on the back of Rebecca Black's prom date.
Meanwhile, while the average marriage that ends in divorce only lasts 7.8 years these days, your wedding photographs will likely prove to be as indestructible as the honey badger. Thus we strongly advocate sticking to the timeless and classic. In other words, listen to your big bro.
UPDATE: Just to clarify, since some readers have expressed concern: We are encouraging Raj to listen to his brother's advice only in regard to avoiding shawl-collared tuxedos. We didn't mean to suggest that he should eschew peak lapels, which we've previously endorsed. Either peak or notch, sticking to the timeless and classic is the best choice for wedding attire.
Q: What kind of motorcycle is that in your header? And why does he look upset that the girl is riding it in the apartment? She could bring it to my living room anytime. —Joe
A: The bike is a 1964 Honda Dream. As for the guy, he's not upset, just surprised. But we can see where you might be confused, especially if you haven't been following the pictorial narrative we've created to illustrate the service offered by our current masthead sponsor LKc Style.
In the first image of the sequence, we showed a troubled toolbag telling his
story of sartorial woe to his wardrobe therapist. In the current one, she's arriving from a shopping expedition to present him with clothing options that better reflect how he'd like to present himself to the world. He's surprised because she has returned so quickly, and because she has somehow managed to drive a cherry red 1964 Honda into his third-floor loft, even though his building only has stairs.
In other words, it's kind of Bergmanesque — allusive, visually striking, hard to follow.
There's more to come, though, so stay tuned. And be sure to check out LKc Style. We can't promise she'll arrive on a vintage sport bike, but we do think her introductory offer for MB readers is a pretty good deal.
Q: There are a few of us out here for whom summer consists of more than watching golf on TV and sipping watermelon sidecars. Your stance on sunglasses reveals an effete sensibility and offers no help to the runners, bikers, hikers, and Sunday afternoon softballers who can't exactly get away with a pair of Randolph Engineering Aviators (there, your monthly plug is taken care of). There has to be an athletic frame out there that is more practical than a fashion pair but still cool enough to get some looks at the postgame bier garten. —Joe
A: Clearly you don't watch golf us as philosophically as we do, Joe — we're pretty sure we burn more calories scratching our heads at Phil Mickelson's questionable course management than we ever would standing in center field watching some tubby slugger who flunked Little League playing make-believe like he's Albert Pujols.
We'd also like to point out that combat-ready sunglasses qualify as hiking-ready too, even if you're anticipating some serious incoming fire from the local bluejays. Perhaps more importantly, if you're truly planning to engage in some high-level physical activity, ditching your sunglasses altogether is your best bet. When was the last time you saw an elite marathoner, a 6-time Wimbledon champ, or even a world-class sexter wearing sunglasses in the heat of battle?
As for getting looks at the postgame bier garten, there are no sunglasses on earth with the ability to make you look cool while wearing a softball uniform. So change, put on a pair of sunglasses that are purpose-built for sedentary leisure, and raise a cold one to the effete bastards who are always willing to consider life's big issues on your behalf.
Q: Boat shoes. I can't stand 'em. And I've always refused to have anything to do with them. That policy has worked fine up until now, since I've been comfortably ensconced on dry land. But now I'm going on a week-long yacht trip in the Mediterranean, and I have no idea what to wear. Is there a practical, non-naff-looking boat shoe substitute out there? —Don
A: While the mind tends to immediately translate the term "boat shoe" into "Sperry Top-Sider" or, more generally, "those brown leather shoes with nautical rigging on the sides," the term is actually more expansive than that, at least in our minds.
A boat shoe is characterized by (a) water-resistance and (b) a non-slip sole.
Paul Sperry, creator of the iconic Sperry Top-Sider, did his most important work tackling the non-slip sole aspect of boat shoes. As the new book Icons of Men's Style recounts, Sperry bought a schooner in the early 1930s but unfortunately found himself slipping all over its deck when it got wet. To solve this problem, he first tried to make the deck less slippery, but eventually he decided it would make more sense to make his shoes more grippy. Drawing inspiration from the grooves on the pads of his cocker spaniel's paws, he created the concept of "siping" and cut grooves into a rubber sole in a herringbone-like pattern. Voila, problem solved, he'd found a shoe that allowed him to keep firm footing on the high seas.
Do you need the rest of the trappings of the Sperry Top-Sider when you leave dry land? JFK spent more time on boats than he ever did in the Oval Office, and while we don't know if he felt as strongly about classic boat shoes as you do, he did eschew them in favor of white canvas tennies. We're not sure how much traction his shoes featured — keep in mind that he was a man who was unusually sure of foot — but here are few models we think he'd endorse:
Finally, please note that JFK was a size 10. If you're anywhere north of that, white shoes can easily look like clown shoes. In this case add some color in the form of these Clae Zissous in Deep Navy, which are what boat shoes would look like if they aspired to be a sneakers.
A: In the June 2011 GQ creative director Jim Moore stops just short of endorsing them but recognizes their popularity saying they're "a big trend this summer," and that they're best "anytime you'd wear your flip-flops." [page 58]
Even though they were invented in the 14th century (principle of archaism), and are usually made of canvas and rope (principle of organic materials), for us they fall into the footwear no-mans land between a shoe and a sandal, currently occupied by MB bête noires Sanuks and Crocs.
However, if your preferred pedicurist is booked — June is Pedicure Awareness Month, BTW — we say go for it, as long as they're a. less than 20 bucks, and b. gingham.
Are you telling us a wide tie wouldn't improve Paul Weller's look?Q: Just read your skinny tie entry and reasons for disliking. The list of people of legendary style status who favored skinny ties is endless. Fat ties are the choice of Vegas club doormen, the kind you can smell from 10 feet away and wear Affliction in their off time. The reasoning (more for your money) is beyond me, and goes against your own tastes in the few entries I've read - a pleat gives you more more material for your money, so does a tassel on a shoe, and nearly every bad thing about clothing is about addition. The guys on sportscenter and The Sopranos vs. Paul Weller, JFK, Miles Davis. You should really rethink this one. —Chuck
A: Loosen up your tie and relax, Chuck! At MB, we believe that giving our readers a good deal on a great tie calls for levity, not complete seriousness, and thus our joke about preferencing wider ties over skinny ones because you get "more for your money" was just that, a joke.
Rest assured that our often-expressed preference for wider ties has a sound aesthetic foundation. In short, we believe that one's tie width should echo the width of one's lapels, within 1/4". If you're like us and subscribe to Tom Ford's way of thinking that wider lapels "make men look more masculine, less boyish, and in general more powerful," it follows that one's ties should be equivalently wide.
As for pleats and tassels, you are absolutely correct, and if you ever catching us recommending them, even in jest, please reprimand us accordingly. There are some things that should never be joked about.
A: Well, it's pretty magnificent to be heir to the throne of the fading empire that gave us the Magna Carta and golf, and wearing hats like the one Prince William was wearing this weekend is part of the job description.
As for anyone else? William's bearskin hat is certainly characterized by a senseless lack of utility, and scores high on archaism, organic materials, and Anglophilia as well. But its primary historical purpose — to make a soldier look bigger and more imposing in battle — violates the principle of understatement and essentially establishes the garment as elevator shoes for your head.
As you allude to, the standard hat of the British Foot Gaurds is made out of an entire bearskin. It weighs 1.5 lbs. and, most consequentially, stands 18.5 inches high. Getting in and out of limos and taxis would be a huge hassle while wearing one of these things, so until horseback reemerges as the predominant form of travel, we say "pass."
Q: While rolling my sleeves above the elbow just seems natural to me, I find myself wondering how high they should be rolled? I've noticed you endorsed Alex Rodriguez's above the bicep rolling, but that seems like showing off the biceps a little too much, which would violate the MB rule of understatement. —Brian
A: In hindsight we acknowledge the Alex Rodriguez post too strongly endorsed his excessively high sleeve rolling in our haste to make a joke about him still being on the juice. We regret that we may have misled some readers into inappropriate bicep/tricep exposure, and would like to take this opportunity to offer some more thoughts on the subtle art of sleeve-rolling.
As we explained in our initial post on this topic, you want the sleeve to end up enough over your elbow to give a phlebotomist a clear shot at your medial cubital vein. But don't get carried away. A good phlebotomist doesn't need a lot of room in which to work.
Much like the tip of your tie should kiss the top of your pants in the way you kiss your best friend's wife, your rolled-up sleeves should kiss your elbows like you kiss your wife or girlfriend's mother — which is to say, even more temperately than you kiss your best friend's wife.
How can you tell if you've gone too far? If you can fit a blood pressure cuff in the gap between your sleeves and your elbow.
Q: I'll be traveling across the pond to see Wimbledon next month and I'd like to strike a balance between artful dishevelment and weather preparedness. What would you suggest in the way of light outerwear that would be appropriate for Centre Court and/or tea with William and Kate? —Eric
A: An obvious choice is the classic and almost entirely logo-free "Made in England" Baracuta Harrington G9. It's got a touch of Teflon to repel the inevitable rain delay, and it has long been the choice of stylish Yanks (McQueen, Sinatra) adept at adding a note of elegance to even the most casual look. But it doesn't offer much in the way of artful dishevelment or surprise. Kate will be bored.
Instead, we recommend this bonded blouson, a collaboration between iconic British brand Barbour and Japanese designer Tokihito Yoshida. Barbour's almost as old as Wimbledon itself, and holds three royal warrants for its waterproof and protective clothing. (What, you don't know what a royal warrant is? Brush up on your Anglophilia.)
Tokihito infuses Barbour's classic style with some 21st century urban streamlining. With their traditional abundance of pockets, buckles, and heavy waxed cotton, much of Barbour's stock is a little too busy for us. But this collaboration is strikingly pared down, retaining just enough flaps and buttons and zipper pulls to provide some texture for the artful dishevelment you seek.
Note: Prices on this range from $245 to $450, so shop around.
Q: Hey guys. Long-time reader, can't tell you how much I love the site. I wear scrubs (sky blue) most days of the week and am looking for dark-colored footwear that strikes a balance between professionalism, function and style. I don't want my patients doubting I know what I am talking about, but would also like something MB enough to score some points with the talented nursing staff (it would also be a plus if they were a bit blood-resistant for the operating room). Shoes are essentially the only clothing item I have any control over so I feel like I really need to nail it here. I'd appreciate any suggestions, I trust you won't steer me wrong.
Keep up the strong work,
—BB
A: Doc, you want a blood-resistant shoe that's professional, comfortable, stylish and goes with sky blue scrubs? That's a tough prescription to fill.
On the other hand, the last time we went under the knife everyone in the OR was wearing Crocs, so you do have the advantage of low expectations working in your favor. Indeed, it's hard to imagine footwear less resistant to blood than Crocs — all those holes must mean the country's surgeons possess a lot of DIY polka dot socks!
Given that scrubs are essentially sweats for medical personnel, we think you should go with something that's obviously sporty, like these navy nylon and black leather sneakers from Prada. They'll communicate professionalism to your patients and style to the talented nursing staff, while being comfortable during surgery and easy to clean in case that angioplasty patient has really high blood pressure. At $336 a pair, they're not cheap, but that's what Medicare's for, right?
Q: We know the MB views linen suits as having too much dishevelment regardless of any artfulness. And this MB agrees. But now Indochino offers suits that are 55% linen and 45% cotton. Does this blend allow them to avoid the problems of shape retention and excessive wrinkling? Please advise. —James
Q: Does the warning against linen apply to shirts as well as to pants? —Jerry
A: Every year about this time we're asked whether there's any sort of special dispensation for wearing linen given our feature Linen: It Sucks. Not really.
Don't be seduced by models wearing perfectly puckered linen shirts. Linen shirts are made out of the same thing as linen pants: Linen. And thus they fall prey to the same problems, veering disastrously from artful dishevelment to plain dishevelment within minutes of wearing.
As for the suit, we've previously argued that whatever material linen is blended with, that material must retain at least a 51% ownership stake. The Indochino suit misses this requirement by 6 percent. While it may not wrinkle as fast as, say, 37-year-old Kate Moss, it will still wrinkle faster than you'd like, even if it never touches a cigarette.
Where is 50%+ linen OK? Whenever the article in question is not expected to sheathe entire limbs — scarves, pocket squares, dinner party napkins, or ties like this black and almost-white gingham from Nashville, TN tiemaker Otis James are all acceptable.
Q: I've searched the MB site and been a long time reader but cannot find anything about monograms. Pockets, cuffs? Which if either is Magnificent? A reputation is hanging on this. Thanks. —T
A: In the context of clothing, monograms started out as a way for rich people to communicate with their launderers. "These are my shirts," a monogram says. "Return them to me, not Saltonstall."
Over time, monograms evolved into a way for anyone to communicate with people who can't afford a Kindle. "I can afford to spend $5 extra per shirt at Lands' End," a monogram says. "Meanwhile, you're just sitting there reading my shirt. Dick." Do you get what we're saying here? Monograms violate the principle of understatement, and are best left to the Donald Trumps of the world.
Plus, monograms are essentially tattoos for your clothes, and therefore just as superfluous on a truly beautiful shirt as, say, a tiny butterfly would be on Pippa Middleton's ass. Why further adorn that which is already perfect?
Victoria Gotti (top); Churchill Downs (bottom)Q: If one were lucky enough to own, hypothetically speaking of course, a horse that were talented enough to qualify for the Kentucky Derby, what could one wear in so far as footwear that would be appropriate? Would, say, Santoni double monk straps sans socks be too ridiculous? Hypothetically speaking, of course. —Fish
A: It's the Kentucky Derby, not the Kentucky Loafer. You could be wearing a pair of live flaming kittens on your feet — no one's going to notice. The Kentucky Derby is all about hats. Hats that would make Princess Beatrice say "What the fuck is that on your head? A designer extension cord? A pterodactyl's vacation home?"
Now, about those Santonis. The degree of difficulty is obviously very high, and unless you're a clotheshorse with a very good pedigree, we recommend them only for occasions where the collective blood alcohol level is .10 or higher. But that's exactly where you're headed, so we say go for them. Spending $1000 on shoes to wear in a setting where they're guaranteed to get overlooked takes senseless lack of utility to a level that makes us want to put a tiny replica of Churchill Downs on our heads, just so we can take it off to you.
Q: Hi. I am a college student with an athletic build and I am going to be starting a job that requires a shirt and tie. I am going shopping soon to get some clothes to start off with and was looking at the Express Mens 1MX shirts. They seem to have a good fit, what your take? Thanks —Matthew
A: We are not familiar with the Express Mens 1MX shirt, and we have to say, any garment with a name that would work as well for a missile as a shirt gives us pause. But the 1MX does seem to have quite a cult following: the Express 1MX Modern Fit is averaging 4.8 stars (out of a possible 5) over 266 reviews, and the Express 1MX Fitted is doing almost as well, averaging 4.6 stars over 164 reviews.
The only thing more highly rated than these shirts is the news of Osama bin Laden's death.
Additionally, many reviewers own dozens of these things, and some even claim to have one in every flavor — that's 22 shirts!
Oh, did we say flavor? We meant color. Unfortunately, many of these shirts come in colors that remind us of sherbet and may lead you down paths you don't want to go. "You can not go wrong with this shirt," one poor bastard writes. "It fits great and there are so many color varieties available its almost impossible to not find the color you want. My girlfriend wanted to wear matching colors for a Christmas photo, and she wanted purple, and it was not hard to find."
Still, we agree that the fit looks good, though, and while it may surprise some of our readers, we are fans of stretch cotton — which is to say, cotton spiked with a splash of spandex or elastene to add a note of comfort and keep maintenance to a minimum. (Retrieve a good stretch cotton shirt from the dryer at the right time and you're done, no ironing necessary.)
And at $59.90 a shirt, or $89.85 for two, these 1MX shirts are affordable enough to take a chance on. If you get one, we recommend you go with True White.
But before you go that route, do some digging at yoox.com and see if you can find a white or blue stretch or 100% cotton dress shirt from Costume National or Ferre' for a price that makes sense for you. They'll have an equally good fit, mother of pearl buttons, and construction that will last more than a 1/2 dozen trips to the cleaners. (Even when there's no ironing involved, laundry is something we prefer to do only in emergencies.)
Q: Bow Ties? Bastardly or schmuck? Thanks fellas. —Fidel
A: In their February, 2008 issue, GQ declared bow ties back, and we declared them MB-appropriate only for summer weddings (in madras) and black tie.
More than three years later, GQ's recommendation has finally been adopted by top-rated NFL prospects, as two of the top 13 picks wore bow ties on Thursday night at Radio City Music Hall in what we believe to be the first-ever bow tie sightings at an NFL draft. #6 pick Julio Jones wore one that looked like a silver version of a Chippendale's pre-tied (top), and #13 pick Nick Fairley wore a paisley BT that, while clearly hand-tied, was still far too neat (middle).
Of all men's accessories, it's the bow tie that demands strictest adherence to the MB principle of artful dishevelment. Perfect bilateral symmetry should be reserved for breasts and butterflies.
To properly tie a bow tie, first drink three martinis very quickly. Then, close your eyes and follow the instructions from the guide below. When you're finished, your tie should be noticeably askew, with uneven ends and at least one of the rear loops exposed, as Winston Churchill (215 lbs., 6.5 second 40, never drafted) demonstrates (bottom).
If you do have an event that calls for a bow tie, one of our grandfathers gave us this "how to tie a bow tie" guide that came in handy as young lads when we wanted to learn how to do it.
Q: Boast USA; I think their polos are pretty MB. Yay or nay? —Chris
A: In Pulaski, Wisconsin, circa 1985, the closest thing we had to a country club was the dart board at the American Legion. So we were unfamiliar with Boast until we started see it showing up on other websites last fall.
At first we figured J. Peterman was trying to outdo himself by inventing the backstory for an entire brand rather than a single piece of apparel. A brand named after a squash shot, started by a Greenwich, Connecticut tennis pro in the 1970s, worn by John Updike, Roscoe Tanner, and a young, crackhead-skinny G.W. Bush? And bearing a logo that looks like a marijuana leaf but is in fact a leaf from one of our favorite trees, the japanese maple? It all sounded a little too good to be true. Especially since when you look at the logos on various vintage shots of the shirts, they all seem to have been harvested at different times — that's a lot of variation in the size of that leaf.
So we did what all serious investigative journalists do when trying to nail down the facts. We poured ourselves some Macallan 18* and started watching Risky Business, which was said to feature a Boast shirt in it. A dozen or so ounces later, there it was, at 1:08:20. Case closed. The brand and its history appear to be as real as Teri Hatcher's breasts.
Anyway. Onward to your question. We like the brand and we especially like their tipped polo. We'd like it even better if it came with no logo whatsoever, but even as is, we still think it's sharp enough for darts at the American Legion. And if there were a tennis court anywhere within ten miles of here, we'd be wearing it there too.
* Why weren't we drinkings MBs? Because we were working, and we save MBs strictly for our leisure hours.
The CaipirinhaQ: What's wrong with a mojito now and then? —Pete
A: Here are a few guidelines we try to keep in mind while mixing drinks:
1) If it's so sweet it makes your teeth ache, it's not a proper cocktail. 2) If it's got enough fresh produce in it to qualify as a salad, it's not a proper cocktail. 3) If it looks like it would feel right at home on the drinks menu at Chili's or The Cheesecake Factory, it's not a proper cocktail.
Sorry, Papa, mojitos score a perfect 3 for 3 on this list — we cannot drink mojitos.
Where mojitos use rum, derived from molasses, caipirinhas use cachaça, a Brazilian liquor distilled from sugarcane juice. It's sweet but light, and thus more appropriate for summer. Even more importantly, the absence of mint leaves in a caipirinha means you can drink them without worrying that your smile is doing an Alexander Ovechkin impression.
Make sure you use a quality cachaça. As usual, price is a reliable guide. We recommend Leblon, because of its consistent quality and dedication to creating videos like this.
OK, where were we? Right. Caipirinhas.
Try the MB version of the classic recipe below. Depending on the amount of juice in the limes, you may need to adjust the amount of limes and sugar used. Once you have it balanced, feel free to adjust the flavor with a few dashes of bitters. We've been using Fee Brothers' Grapefruit Bitters.
Caipirinha
1/2 lime cut into wedges
2 raw sugar cubes
2 oz Leblon cachaça
In the bottom of a boston shaker, muddle the lime wedges and sugar. Top with the cachaça and several ice cubes, cover and shake aggressively. Pour entire contents into a rocks glass.
Calder Trunk via onia.com. $140.00.Q: MB, Seeing as how swimsuit season is quickly approaching, what's your take on compression swim shirts? Not all of us have the chiseled physique of Fight Club-era Brad Pitt. I'm not overweight, but keeping certain parts constrained could be a positive thing this summer. —George
A: Unless you're scheduled to compete in a 4x100 relay we say leave the compression swim shirt at home. Wear one while you're swimming in a non-Olympic-size pool, and you're basically transmitting one of the following messages, or even worse, maybe both: 1) You have a third nipple, a gut, or an unfortunate tattoo, and you're very self-conscious about it. 2) You really really want to beat that third-grader in a race to the deep end.
In other words, wearing a compression shirt in a non-competitive environment is like Donald Trump's combover, except worse. In both cases, the cure is worse than the disease.
As for swim shorts, we like Onia this season. Super simple, solid color and subtle print trunks and board shorts made in New York City from top-notch Japanese technical fabric. The fitter you are, the better they'll look, but they are somewhat more forgiving than, say, Parke and Ronen while staying safely away from the sort of baggy, over-the-knee style favored by The Situation.
Use the code onia20 to get 20% off your order. Here are somemorepics for a closer look.
Q: I'm heading to Europe this summer for a few weeks of tromping around. I need some footwear advice - I'm looking for something that can support LOTS of walking around being on my feet all day, and doesn't scream 'American Toolbag'. Bonus for something that works with pants and shorts, but I'd be willing to get two pairs to cover both ends of summer bottoms. Thoughts? —Peter
A: Peter, a trip to Europe is definitely time to heed Tom Ford's five easy lessons in how to become a modern gentleman and leave the shorts at home. You might not scream "American Toolbag" in them, but unless you're at the beach or in the midst of a 5-setter you definitely scream "American."
Not that that's necessarily a bad thing. For previous questions regarding European travel we've endorsed getting your American on — your feet — and for your excessively ambulant vacation we suggest you get into a pair of Cole Haan Air Mercury lace oxfords.
They don't have the pedigree of some more iconic trailblazers in the casual sneaker field — Chucks, PF Flyers, Tretorn T56s. But if you're doing lots — and especially if you're doing LOTS — of walking, we recommend the Air Mercurys. There's a reason why America embraced car culture so enthusiastically — walking in Chucks can turn your feet into bloody stumps even faster than Jigsaw or Freddie Kreuger can. Go with the Air Mercurys and you should be good for at least 15-mile days if necessary. (The black ones are on sale at colehaan.com for just $59.95).
As for that other pair of shoes you offered to pack, definitely bring along some loafers for after the sun goes down.
Jim Toth married Reese Witherspoon in a charcoal suit (peak lapel and spread collar another matter entirely). We're just sayin'.Q: I've lost he fight to elope over a planned wedding and now have get my order in to Indochino so the guys aren't in horrible black rental polyester bags. Is dressing up a Basic Black Suit with self tied bow tie acceptable? Or should I go for The Dinner Jacket Tuxedo? My party is a mix of undergrad, post grad and professionals so going for the suit is a useful expense for everybody but for some the tux would never be used again. I like the simple classic look of either one but is the Tuxedo more MB? —Chris
Eloping is a battle well worth fighting but all is not lost. Retreat and live to fight another day — if all goes well, you'll be fighting these battles for the rest of your life. (Next skirmish: Should you wear a wedding ring?)
As for the wedding party, definitely go for the suit vs. the tuxedo. Why burden your best friends with a purchase some will never wear again? As for the suit, we strongly recommend charcoal grey over black. This is a wedding, not a funeral or a mob hit. Plus your groomsmen can safely and confidently wear it again to their first job interview, next wedding, dinner, you name it. In fact, if your marriage lasts — we wish you all the best — they'll be able to wear it to your 50th anniversary party. Charcoal grey suits never go out of style.
Q: Regarding your 3/29/11 "Heirloom Engagement Ring" post, if one's parents have volunteered a family heirloom ring for the engagement of their dear daughter, what is the best approach in setting forth such ring for the soon-to-be betrothed aspiring MB? — Laurie
Ed. note: As Laurie stated, this question is a follow-up to the heirloom diamond question. Since the Spectacular Bitch answered that one, here she is again.
A: Oh, Laurie! I am simply all a'dither! Do you know Shane? Are you two young love birds getting ready to take the plunge? How very exciting! Congratulations!
Now, if I understand your question correctly, you are wondering how to avoid the decidedly unromantic prospect of your mother giving you the ring, you giving the ring to your beau, so that he can turn around and give it back to you when he proposes. Just because you are lucky enough to have an heirloom diamond heading your way, is no reason you two should be deprived of the romance inherent in a proposal.
Here's how it's going to work. Shane will pay a visit to your parents to ask for your hand in marriage, not because you need their permission, but because it's an honorable thing to do and your parents will be tickled. Hopefully, it will go swimmingly. Your dad will get all red in the face and clap Shane on the back while your mother weeps and struggles to get that ring off her finger to give to Shane. It may be slightly ambiguous whether she's crying about losing a daughter, losing a diamond, or gaining the awesome Shane, which only adds to the dramatic tension of the moment. All good. Shane will need to keep the ring safe until such time as he is ready to propose to you.
Now for the practicalities. The last thing you want is for your guy to have to ask for that ring if your mom is so flustered she fails to cough it up. You need a third party (siblings work well for this) to give your parents a small heads up, so that they are adequately prepared for Shane's visit, with the ring and some cocktails at the ready. If you don't have siblings, then you can leave your laptop open to this post in a conspicuous location and they'll get the message. In short, the ring needs to go directly to Shane and you two can deal with making it right for you after the proposal.
Q: Is it okay to kill a tree to make sunglasses? — Chris
A: We've noticed this trend too, Chris, and we admire the business model. The more trees you turn into sunglass frames, the hotter the planet gets, the more sunglasses you need. It's what economists call a virtuous circle.
We're kidding, of course, because trees are a sustainable resource. (These days, plastic sunglasses are a sustainable resource too — something's gotta be done with all those empty bottled water containers and more and more sunglass manufacturers are making frames using recycled materials.)
So, yes, it's okay to kill a tree to make sunglasses. Plus, you'll be adhering to the MB principle of organic materials if your frames are made out of wood. If you're looking for something specific, we like Shwood's Oswald frames in walnut. Hand-crafted in Portland, Oregon, they look both sleek and a little artfully disheveled, because they don't quite have that perfectly machined look of plastic frames. We're pretty sure Cary Grant would approve.
Q: As much as despise the phrase "jumping the shark," it appears that MB has done so with the last two posts. How can MB endorse a hoodie? I remember reading past articles that the hoodie was replacing the track jacket and a true MB should avoid this trend....now you have endorsed a fleece Columbia hoodie. Secondly, Sheex sheets. What about your mantra of organic materials only? These sheets are made of polyester. Should I throw out the advice of high thread count sheets and replace with this work out wear bedding? Very confused right now. —ML
A: ML, both the hoodie and bedsheets posts were in celebration of April Fools' Day.
Gotcha.
As you stated, the 82% microfiber polyester and 18% Lycra Spandex SHEEX grossly violate the MB principle of organic materials. They also violate the MB principle of "Never buy anything 'The Situation' probably owns."
We've previously recommended high thread-count Tencel for the warmer months. They're also good year-round for the warmer-blooded, and of course, for those hot, sweaty chicks you bring back home from the club.
In its inexorable drive towards being Wal Mart, Target has stopped selling the popular, MB-recommended cotton sheets, so we suggest buying as high a thread count you can afford made by Sferra. They're expensive (and don't have the wet spot wicking power of SHEEX) but are well worth the money. You can find them occasionally at Gilt Home. (Drop us an email if you still need an invite.)
As for the Koozie Hoodie, with a built-in bottle opener and two beer bottle holders, well, we think Columbia might be fooling everybody 365 days a year.
Q: Just broke up with my girlfriend, so now it's a new apartment, new bed, new bedsheets. Checked the first two off my list, but stuck on the sheets. What does an MB sleep on at night — Egyptian cotton, silk, cashmere? Please advise.
—AF
AF, some people look at sleep as an opportunity to just lay around all night and accomplish nothing. To be honest, we used to be that way too — until we discovered SHEEX luxury performance bedsheets. Made from the finest professional quality athletic fabrics, SHEEX bedding breathes 50 percent better than traditional bedding and transfers body heat twice as effectively as cotton. We're not sleep scientists or anything, but we estimate that we're sleeping at least 50 percent harder than we used to sleep, and we're definitely waking up more refreshed and alert than we have in years.
Needless to say, these things also perform awesomely when you score a hot, sweaty chick at the club and bring her back to your place. The quick-dry engineering built right into SHEEX wicks moisture away from her skin, so you can get your grind on without having to pull out every move from your MMA playbook just to keep her from sliding off the side of your bed. Plus, no fighting over who sleeps in the wet spot, because SHEEX wicks away wet spots up to 75 percent faster than traditional cotton bedding. We could tell you more about SHEEX's 4-way stretch microfibers and the unrestricted movement they facilitate, but we want to keep this post relatively safe for work.
Your shorts are draining the lifeblood from Tom FordQ: Dear MB: How does an MB rock shorts? I know, I know, a real MB shouldn't wear shorts, but in some parts of the country summer gets too hot for pants. 115 degrees. Looking back at your earlier posts about shorts, the MB short has an 8"-8.5" inseam. Thanks for the help. --Larry
A: In the S/S issue of Another Man, Tom Ford offers five easy lessons on how to become a modern gentleman. Fifth on his list: "A man should never wear shorts in the city. Flip-flops and shorts in the city are never appropriate. Shorts should only be worn on the tennis court or on the beach."
Delta House, Faber College, 1963Q: I am a longtime reader, and am now college-bound. Do MBs belong to fraternities, and if so, what attributes due their frats have? --Sam
A: Sam, it sounds like you've been reading Magnificent Bastard since before you were old enough to shave — so we're not exactly sure what college can teach you. If you're determined to go, though, and determined to join a frat, here's the best advice we can give you. It's all about the bros.
Yes, we just said bros, without any intentional irony. But it's the truth. Don't judge a house based on its physical amenities, on its reputation with the local co-eds, or even on the quality of its in-house cook.
It's college, and one way or another, you're going to get your fill of drunken sorority girls, awful malt liquor, and only slightly better ditchweed. But no matter how much time you spend chasing Alpha Chis, you're going to spend even more time hanging out with your bros for hours on end as you blow off Sociology 101 and wait for morning to turn into mid-morning so you can have that first beer of the day without feeling like a total degenerate. Find some guys whose antics you're pretty sure you will find entertaining even when you're so hungover just clicking the remote feels like performing brain surgery, and you will likely end up with an education not even poet laureates and Nobel Prize-winners could provide.
Q: Dear MB: My girlfriend and I are about to be engaged and her mother offered us her heirloom diamond for the ring. My girlfriend loves the idea, but I've always thought it was the guy's job to buy his girl her engagement ring. Am I being too old-fashioned? Perhaps you or your spectacular counterpart have some insight? Thank you --
Shane
Ed. note: We let the Spectacular Bitch handle this one.
A: Darling Shane,
While it is very MB of you to want to buy your lady an engagement ring, you may rest easy and follow the age-old golden maxim of engagement rings: If there's an heirloom to be had, you tap that shit.
Never, ever, ever, let a good diamond go to waste, chickadee. Also understand that mothers have a funny fixation about passing valuables to their daughters (as opposed to sons, who might marry a trollop who could trollop away with the goods), so you'll be granting your future mother-in-law a touch of peace.
You won't exactly be getting off scot free, because there's the small matter of putting that heirloom diamond into a setting, which your fiancee should choose and you should pay for. If the diamond is already in a ring and your lady likes it as is, you foot the bill for the tune-up, which includes cleaning, resizing, and a check of structural integrity with a reputable jeweler. Either way, if you have some cash left over after all is said and done, save it for a pretty bauble on your first anniversary.
Q: I'm a 19-year-old girl looking for the perfect pair of eyeglasses. I generally prefer angular frames to round ones. What would you suggest to be worthy of magnificent bastards? I'm currently wearing these from Elizabeth Arden. Don't judge too harshly, they were affordable. --Kate
A: Kate, we recommend a fuller frame vs. the narrow style like your Elizabeth Ardens; the latter is a little too common and expected. Full, angular frames coupled with a dash of artful dishevelment — as demonstrated by MB crush Suzy Kendall in 1967's To Sir, With Love — make you unpredictable, and possibly irresistible. Dorothy Parker was wrong.
As usual, we recommend starting off at allynscura.com's vintage section and poking around. They just don't make 'em like they used to. If you don't find what you're looking for try Warby Parker's women's frames like the Roosevelt or the Pierce. Warby Parker's frames + lenses are $95 (just 2 bucks more than the EA frames you're wearing now).
Q: Hey guys: Love the website, and a couple of times it's stopped me from making a fashion mistake - I appreciate it. Anyway, I saw these on Gear Patrol and wondered what you thought. They're not crocs or thongs, and I thought the blue ones would look good with some white jeans. I will defer to your expertise though. --David
A: Obey and Generic Surplus are both brands we like, but this plimsoll-boat shoe fusion (top) has us imagining comical sunburn patterns we'd just as soon avoid. We say: Women alone should bear the risk of skin-exposing mesh (bottom).
If you want a navy boat shoe, there is always Sperry, of course, but we also like the Oak Street Bootmakers version, made from Horween Chromexcel and handcrafted and handstitched in the USA.
Finally, we applaud your choice of white jeans. Here in the upper midwest we're just weeks away from being able to wear them, and tomorrow we'll list a few of our favorites.
Q: I have a blue on white gingham shirt that's developed a little bit of yellowing around the collar. I obviously can't hit it with bleach, and I'd rather not replace it because it just isn't any ordinary gingham. Is there a reliable cure for this? --John
A: While we aim for artful dishevelment, a life that produces no stains at all is a life that is being too carefully led. What we're saying is we've experimented with quite a few cleaning products over the years, and what we've found is that 2 parts Ivory liquid dishsoap combined with 3 parts OxiClean creates an unstoppable stain-fighting paste. Don't let the fact that the man who turned OxiClean into a household staple, Billy Mays, was also the man who tried to sell America spray-on grass (Green Now!) and a tie with a pocket to store your iPod in (iTie). OxiClean really does work like magic and Mays, who was always the best-laundered huckster on TV, was proof of this fact.
Dr. Klaus Märtens and Dr. Herbert FunckQ: Seeking to embrace the inner bastard, I have increased the number of blazers in my wardrobe and the only writing on my t-shirts is if I am exercising or sleeping in them. One wardrobe staple of mine from the past many years does not appear to be mentioned as truly bastard-worthy and I am concerned.
What says the MB on my basic black, made in England (Anglophile approved, I should hope) Doc Martens? --Christopher
A: Christopher, you're on the right track -- the number of blazers in your closet should always exceed the total word count on your entire wardrobe. If you ever find yourself with more words than blazers, you either have to throw out some of your t-shirts or buy more blazers. (BTW, we're counting our WikiLeaks sweatshirts as one word).
Now we just need to work on your footwear; there's a reason why you haven't seen a DM recommendation here.
The Anglophilic pedigree of Dr. Martens is not nearly as strong as most people think. They were invented in 1945 by German army doctor Klaus Märtens, who hurt his foot while skiing in the Alps. While recovering from his injury, he designed a recuperative boot with soft leather and air-padded soles. So essentially Doc Martens are orthopedic Nazi shoes, and they certainly look the part!
(The Anglophiliac connection? In 1959, a British company, R. Griggs Group Ltd., acquired the rights to make and sell the shoes in the U.K.)
Browse our shoes channel and you'll find lots of far less clunky, more appropriate footwear options for your new and improved look.
Q: Hey I was wondering what your opinion of Hart Schaffner Marx is? I don't see any reviews of them on your website! I know they own a lot of other brands, but is their flagship brand quality? I've recently seen a lot of their suits and ties on sale at deep discount and was wondering if its worth buying. -Rob
A: Rob, you're seeing Hart Schaffner Marx suits and ties on deep discount because the brand's leading model, President Barack Obama, has just a 47% approval rating. That, and fewer and fewer people who aren't either running America or dull but important Fortune 500 companies wear worsted wool suits with jackets running past the crotch, pleated trousers, and shiny silk power ties anymore.
Don't get us wrong. We give thanks to HSM every time we pee after drinking a few too many MBs -- the company was the first to introduce zippers to men's pants in 1936. And HSM suits clearly exhibit the sort of well-made craftsmanship that can only come from Midwestern fingers made strong and beefy from a livable union wage. But it's just not a look we'd ever choose for ourselves, even if that means we'll never be able to obtain the Democratic nomination or, say, occupy the top box in the org chart at ConocoPhillips.
Q: Your 5/25/10 post on the John Lennon clip-on sunglasses is interesting but impossible to find. I've worn P3's for years. Good enough to storm the beach at Normandy, still good enough for me. But P4's? Can't find them and I've asked some old optometrists and they've never heard of them either. Google doesn't turn up any clues either. Any suggestions? --Scott
A: We've asked our glasses expert for further clarification. "Even people in the industry don't use the terms 'P3' or 'P4' correctly, or at all," he says. "Find 3 people who use the words, and you'll get 3 different explanations, ranging from 'It's a military code word for the frame style,' to 'It's the relationship between the a and b dimensions.'
"Our understanding is that P3 refers to '3 points' -- the P3 shape is like a rounded, upside down triangle ... it has 3 points. Similarly, a P4 has 4 points and is usually a trapezoidal shape. If you look carefully at the photo of Lennon with sunglass clips, you can make out that he has P3 frames underneath and a P4 sunglass clip over them."
To attain the same effect, we recommend you purchase these vintage Polaroid aviator clip-ons. That way, your brain can imagine the world living as one all it wants, but your face will be packing the fire-power of two branches of our Armed Forces.
MB Recommends: If you don't already own a pair of P3s, we like Randolph Engineering's brand-new 49mm take on them.
Q: I recently found out that I no longer need glasses, but whereas my vision is perfect in one eye, the other could use a +1.5 reader; in other words, I could legitimately wear a monocle. Now ordinarily I'm a big fan of unusual accessories, but is this going too far? --Peter
A: Quick, name two monocle wearers that immediately come to mind. That's right, Mr. Peanut and Colonel Klink. What this says to us is that in the best-case scenario, people might associate you with a jaunty legume if you start wearing a monocle. And in the worst case, they'll look at you and think "Bumbling Nazi!" Our best advice to you? Squint.
Q: You've heartily endorsed v-neck sweaters and have talked a lot about what should and should not be worn under them. But can a middle-aged MB wear them solo, sans shirt? --Markoni
A: This is not a look we can endorse -- unless you are a young, serious, manscapedmodel -- for at least three reasons:
1. Too much laundry. Wearing clothing in direct contact with the skin requires cleaning, and cashmere sweaters -- as if you'd be wearing anything else! -- should be washed even less frequently than cats. It's just too hard on them.
2. Layering is a key component of artful dishevelment, and chest hair doesn't count.
Protects against Angostura and sub-zero tempsHere's a question for the MB: Where does one get good, grey, long-sleeve dress shirts? In my current bartending job the dress code is black slacks, grey dress shirt. The darker the better so as not to show those pesky Angostura stains that sometimes accumulate during a shift, machine washable, will be worn with sleeves rolled up to around the elbow for functionality. Beyond that the restaurant's pretty open to stylistic touches, so I don't have to look like a total service industry drone. Any ideas? --Jacob
A: Jacob, this question begs YOOX as the answer: 798 grey shirts from Acne to Zegna, including this 100% polyester D&G version. Not only does it easily repel Angostura, it will keep you warm on any impromptu wilderness treks after a few too many shots at closing time.
Q: Well it's that time of the month, friends. For those MBs with girlfriends, it can be difficult to figure out what to do for Valentine's Day.
What does the MB have to say? --J.
Ed. note: We've previously touched on Valentine's Day, so thought asking the Spectacular Bitch to chime in would be a good idea.
Dearest J-Bird,
You are correct that Valentine's Day can be a tricky proposition. That's because the two loudest voices on the topic are the Hallmark industry on the one hand, peddling faux romance and cheap chocolates, and on the other hand, the haters, the lonely hearts, and the tragically embittered. But what about the rest of us, J? What about the lovers? Sure, Valentine's Day can be riddled with landmines and clichés, but it is also the one day of the year when it is completely acceptable to be sweet and gushy. And we all know this world can use a little more sugar, right sugar?
So I say, take the clichés, dip them in chocolate and gobble them up. In other words, do it your way. I love that you asked what to DO, rather than what to BUY. It's a gorgeous distinction, and shows that your heart is in the right place. You do the things you love to do, but you take it up a notch and that just takes a little planning, which is, honestly, half the fun.
In my experience, Valentine's Day is the best night of the year to avoid the herd and cook at home. Feather your love nest (by which I mean, clean, spruce, and food shop), light the candles, dim the lights, pour the wine, queue up the music and cook together. If you really can't cook, order take-out but try your hand at a sexy chocolate mousse. You see where I'm going with this, love? By choosing to stay in, you avoid all that is stuffy, formal, fancy and fraught with expectations and replace it with casual, cozy, funny, sexy kitchen hijinks. You take the familiar and make it unforgettable.
Have fun with it, J. (but don't forget the flowers!)
Babylon Backpack via Wheelman & Co.. $199.99.Q: I'm a student who needs an MB bag or backpack of some sort. I have to carry around a laptop and up to two textbooks almost all day. Got any recommendations? --Sam
In general, we think that if you're carrying so much stuff you need a backpack, you're carrying too much stuff. But it warms our hearts to hear that there's at least one college left in America that is still making its students read -- or at least carry around -- actual ink-on-paper textbooks. And conveniently, we recently discovered, via Selectism, the Babylon Backpack from Wheelmen & Co.
These days, we see a lot of trophy backpacks, which is to say, backpacks that look great in a photo shoot but quickly become painful when put into actual use. Wheelmen's Babylon backpack combines traditional materials (waxed cotton, leather) with just enough modern comforts (padded shoulder straps, foam back panel) to make it truly functional. It honors tradition without slavishly deifying "heritage."
There. Now you've got both a good backpack recommendation plus a start on your next American Studies essay. How's that for service?
Q: I'm currently the proud owner of a Paul Smith naked lady belt. Since last time I've worn it I've dropped 2 inches around my waist. As a result, I need to put it on the smallest hole which goes against perfect prong placement. With a business meeting on Friday should bite the bullet and wear it or purchase a new one? At this point J.Crew and Banana Republic are the only options for last minute shopping. --Chris
A: Chris, that's an excellent belt on many counts. We admire your taste, your commitment to perfect prong placement, and your willingness to risk sexual harassment counseling by wearing an accessory with a naked lady on it to a business meeting.
But don't wear it on Friday. You'll leave a mark in the wrong place on the strap. Go with this J. Crew plaque belt as a surrogate. If you don't like it enough to keep, it's a no-hassle return.
As for retrofitting the PS belt to your new waistline, it's going to be a complicated and somewhat expensive operation but totally worth doing, like Matthew McConaughey's hair restoration. First, you'll need to take it to a trusted cobbler for the serious reconstructive surgery -- i.e., taking the extra length off the buckle side and cutting a new prong opening. Then we recommend you take it to a trusted tailor to recreate the signature Paul Smith stitching.
Rugby shirts as endorsed by GQ, January 2011Q: Rugby jerseys, yay or nay? --Charlie
A: In theory, we ought to like rugby shirts on grounds of Anglophilia and tradition. In practice, well, you'd never want to wear an authentic rugby shirt off the pitch -- unless you want to look even goofier than your friend the cyclist who thinks his Team Radio Shack jersey looks good off the bike. Meanwhile, the more understated striped versions that have been showing up in designer collections in recent years tend to remind us of wrapping paper. Every once in a while we see one that almost changes our mind, but there are none in our closet at the moment.
Q: Engagement rings...the inevitable awaits. I noticed a recent trend of colored/gemstones set in rings instead of the traditional diamond. Also, I am thinking of buying a gemstone ring because all of my recently engaged friends seem to have purchased rings at the same place because they all look alike. Wanting to stay MB and keep my second half MB as well, what say you about the gemstone engagement ring? --Mitch
A: We've answered this question before regarding the man's ring (with a chart), and we'd put a gemstone engagement ring for the Mrs. at the same lousy position on the scale.
Don't do it man.
If you want to set yourself apart from your Zales-shopping peers, while simultaneously conferring loads of class upon your bride-to-be (and by association, you), apply the understatement principle and choose a band. We like platinum. A good local jeweler should be able to create one in a shape you like for roughly a grand. If not, there's always Tiffany & Co. If she requires a diamond, get two with a pair of earrings.
Q: What are your views on the T-shirt under casual unbuttoned shirt look? Thanks for your insight. --James
A: We're not saying no one can pull this off, ever, but in general our take is too much dishevelment and not enough artfulness. Case in point: we imagine that there are very few photos in which Kurt Cobain looks like the goofiest member of Nirvana, but here you see one of them (top), and Cobain's shirt-and-tshirt combo is definitely a contributing factor.
Q: Hate to drag this up yet again, but all the ties you recommended in your recent post, "matchy-matchy," are 3" width. So now I'm curious, when you urge everyone to abandon skinny ties and go wide, what width do you consider "skinny," and is it possible, in your view, to go too wide? I also ask because, trends be damned, I think 3"ish is ideal, but at my conservative job, my 3" ties are generally regarded as "skinny". --J. Nelson
A: A width of three inches is our starting point. If it's narrower than that, we throw it back and cast again. As for maximum width, it's all about proportion: You want a tie
that echoes the width of your jacket's lapels. The wider your lapel, the wider tie you need -- and these days, like Jessica Simpson, lapels are widening. But if you ever need a tie wider than 3.75 inches, then it's time to put your lapels on a diet.
Who's on our side in the tie width debate? In the 2010 GQ Style Manual, designers Scott Sternberg (Band of Outsiders) and Tom Ford (Tom Ford) offer their thoughts:
SCOTT STERNBERG: "A skinnier tie just feels of-the-moment right now....And there's less material, so there's less potential for a color or pattern to feel garish or offensive."
TOM FORD: "There is something a bit meager and uptight about a skinny tie and jacket...I think that accentuating the natural V of a man's body makes men look more masculine, less boyish, and in general more powerful."
AT LEFT: Both designers put their theories into practice. Ford looks classically masculine. Sternberg radiates of-the-moment inoffensiveness. The choice is yours to make.
Q: Thanks for your style advice for attending sportingevents. I will be attending an epic playoff game in Chicago this weekend. Any tips for a MB in training when attending (outdoor) winter sporting events? I don't want to do the snowmobile suit or work coverall look and some of our midwest neighbors are wont to do. Or, is it a conflict of interest to even provide advice to a Bears fan? --Ryan
A: Your squad is 3.5 point dogs at home, against the #6 seed ... have you thought about wearing a Packers' jersey?
If that's too extreme, we recommend a fairly conservative approach. With good seats running between $1000 to $2000 on StubHub, you're probably shelling out a lot just to be there. With that in mind, do you really want to blow even more cash on a jacket there's a strong chance you'll only associate with depressing memories of Aaron Rodgers doing the Championship Belt in your house? Take Jennifer Aniston's lead and go with a Spiewak snorkel parka. It's as warm as it is cheap.
Q: Lately, GQ advocated screaming "ow" when a man shakes your hand too firmly (http://www.gq.com/style/blogs/the-gq-eye/2011/01/shake-it.html). I seriously thought it was April Fool's day when I read it. What does MB say about handshakes? How does one deal with shaking a woman's hand? --Salvador
A: We're pretty sure Glenn O'Brien -- GQ's Style Guy -- is using "ow" for comedic effect. Either that or he's become exceedingly brittle in his old age. Or Conde Nast's health care coverage has a high co-pay.
Anyhow, we recommend a firmer handshake than endorsed by GQ -- "grip lightly, the way you'd pick up a baby" -- for both men and women. What sets a handshake apart has less to do with grip pressure than with one's eyes. Once you've embraced the other fella's hand, look him straight in the eye. If he reciprocates, you know you've found a man you can do business with. If not, he's probably a crook.
Q: Emboldend by your recent endorsement of Fair Isle sweaters, I'm wondering about other Nordic style sweaters. Probably a little late for this year, but what about next holiday season? --William
A: In certain instances, yes. See our decider to find out if you qualify.
Q: I don't normally shop at Zara, but I've found some decent pieces in their collections. I've been looking at their faux leather motorcycle jackets. In your eyes, are they a worthwhile investment? --A Bastard Striving To Be Magnificent (Manny)
A: We are not familiar with Zara, but unless you drive a motorcycle, we don't even recommend real leather motorcycle jackets. And if you do drive a motorcycle, why get a fake leather jacket? That's like screwing Sophia Loren, then activating an e-cigarette instead of lighting up a Marlboro.
Q: My fiancée recently left me for various reasons. I think the main reason could be my recent car purchase. It's a 2003 Mini Cooper S. It's fun and quick and a great driver's car, but I've also had some other comments from people saying how 'super cute' and 'adorable' it is. I find it hard to believe a supercharged 6-speed car would be anything but MB. Also, don't feel bad about the ex-fiancée. Her mother ended up getting me those nice Fratelli Orsini gloves you recommended for Christmas. So I still feel like I came out ahead. --Eric
A: The good news is those gloves will last a lot longer than your marriage would have, if all it took your fiancée to dump you was your suspect taste in cars.
The bad news is, yes, we did just say "suspect." In our estimation, Mini Coopers are the automative equivalent of a hummingbird. Zippy, adorable, kind of annoying. We're not saying you should dump your car like your girlfriend dumped you -- love is blind, after all. But, no, the Mini Cooper -- no matter the number of speeds or supercharging -- is not on our list of favorite cars.
Q: I have interviews coming up with some consulting firms which, oddly enough, identify strongly with their corporate colors. I'm thinking of doing some tie/firm color matching, but will it come off as clever and detailed, or is it a one way ticket to toolbagville? --Pete
A: Pete, this is a little like interviewing for a job at McDonald's wearing the tie worn by The Hamburglar. Don't do it. TTH and more than a little weird. Instead, invest in something you would want to wear after you land the job. Minneapolis-based Pierrepont Hicks makes great ties as does long-time MB favorite Mountain and Sackett. Another good find is Nashville-based Otis James, a cool dude who will make you a custom cashmere tie for $165. His woven linen 00502xx has been spectacular.
(While we don't endorse Hamburglar's tie, we do endorse its width and the artfully dishevelled way he leaves the narrow end longer than the wide end.)
Q: Hello MB, I've been around for awhile, and mostly like what I see. But, when it comes to putting the principles into action, I feel overwhelmed and eventually give up. Are there some essential bastardly wardrobe elements that could get me into some semblance of style? Thanks, Hopeless Bastard. --(aka Eric)
A: When you've got a good bottle of scotch and a glass at your disposal, it's hard to make a bad drink. The same holds true for denim and a white shirt. Start with those and you'll be fine. They're virtually toolbag-proof.
THE SHIRT: In China, there are factories the size of sports stadiums filled with workers who aren't allowed to pee until they've produced at least a hundred white shirts that shift, yet finding just the right white is like finding meaning in a Jersey Shore episode. Some guidelines: slim fit, no logo, no breast pocket, point collar, sewn collar (vs. fused), and mother of pearl buttons. The holy grail is a crossover -- something that can work with a tie and casual suit, then later with your new jeans. (We can't strongly recommend anything at the moment -- and may have to make one on our own -- but please stay tuned.)
Q: Earmuffs. I don't think you've mentioned a thing about these. I see lots of suited lobbyists (toolbags) here in DC touting the 180s, though they seem like a better option compared to grandma earmuffs. What are your thoughts? Let the ears freeze? Mess up my hair with a hat that does the job? --Jay
A: On January 21, 1961, John F. Kennedy took the oath of office in 22° weather and didn't wear a hat or scarf or earmuffs. Nor did Lyndon Johnson, and he was practically bald!
Not to mention the fact that you've also got fifty years of global warming working in your favor. We checked the latest 10-day forecast for DC -- there's nothing lower than 34° for a high over the next ten days.
But if you reckon you're not as hardy as either JFK or LBJ, forget the earmuffs and go with a cashmere hat which is warm, soft, and delivers a perfectly artfully disheveled head of hair every time.
Q: I know you hate the skinny tie, but you can't deny that it's still in fashion (you said way back in 2008 that it was dying). Prejudices aside, what type of collar do you think goes best with the skinny tie? I like the windsor but it might be too eccentric. The spread collar might be good, or it might just depend on the collar size as a whole. I would hope not to get a sarcastic, snide response, but I might not be so lucky with this specific question. --Sam
A: Sam, if you're looking for polite and cordial answers to style questions, you've come to the wrong place. Check askandyaboutclothes.com. He is a nice guy.
Anyhow, yes, we can deny the skinny tie is still in fashion. They're featured at EXPRESS, which is a clear indication of this look's location on the trend curve. If you still insist, a Windsor/spread collar only works for a Windsor knot, which would look completely ridiculous when tied with a skinny tie. For the EXPRESS look -- "ultra-modern" and "fresh and fearless" -- go with a traditional point collar and four-in-hand knot.
Q: Hey guys. The recent header photos are awesome! I especially love the Lambeautailgatingseries (and associated cheesebra). As part of the post-Christmas sale-mageddon, I picked up a nice Banana Republic suit for well over half off. The size 38 jacket fits me perfectly in the shoulders, and looks very MB overall when unbuttoned. But it pulls WAY too much when I button it; it's a solid size too small over my belly. The larger size 40 jacket, meanwhile, looks clownish.
So #1, yes I know, I need to go to the gym more. Working on it, I promise.
#2, Is it acceptable to wear the perfect-in-the-shoulders jacket and never button it, or do I need to cut my losses and go made-to-measure?
Can't wait to see the upcoming spring-time header photos! --Ben
A: Ben, flattery will get your question answered, but will not protect you from savagery. Save that receipt, because a man should never own a suit jacket he strains to button -- at any price -- or he risks looking like Popeye pal J. Wellington Wimpy, and feeling self-conscious, insecure, and in dire need of hamburgers. Until your presumed 2011 resolution starts to pay off, cut your losses and go made-to-measure.
Q: I am looking to find a pair of frames exactly like the style Jack Benny used to wear. I have pretty good eyes but my prescription is for 1.5 progressives as I am a reader and would wear them regularly every day. I see you show him with glasses on your site. Can you help me? --Alex
A: We're not sure of the exact make/model Jack Benny is wearing, but all the major American eyewear companies made a slightly cat eye style like the one shown during that time. The Zyloware Invincible is close, as is the Criss Apollo. Both would work for progressive lenses, and are made of nylon, which is a big deal for daily wearers because they're significantly lighter than plastic acetate. We're big fans of Criss for this reason, and the fact that they're standard-issue U.S. Penitentiary eyewear.
Q: Hello MB, I recently stumbled upon your site and I became an instant fan. For some time, I've been thinking about switching to two-tone dress shoes. Not something crazy, but maybe black and white spectators or even a slightly more attention-grabbing light-brown and white pair. But I'm involved in politics and want an appropriate but still stylish pair of shoes. Would the two-tone shoes be too much, and do you find them to be stylish or just too out of date? --Dodge
A: All the great politicians -- or at least the most memorable ones -- had some signature feature or accessory: Churchill's Romeo y Julieta, Hitler's mustache, FDR's cigarette holder, Reagan's dyed hair. While wearing spectators isn't something that's ever crossed our mind, these shoes may sway the coveted independent voter, and are not believed to cause cancer.
Q: I met a man at a party and he was impeccably dressed in a charcoal suit and black tie. We have been seeing each other and he dresses very well; however, he has let it slip that he wears a Tommy Bahama watch and thinks that J. Crew floral shirts are acceptable "during vacations." Should I give him the benefit of the doubt, or kick him to the curb? Thanks for the help. --Katelin
A: Katelin, the Tommy Bahama watch is definitely a red flag but you could fix that problem by buying him a watch for Christmas. There are still 4 days left. Regarding the floral shirt, they're OK during vacations in Hawaii.
So he's warm. And remember, as Tom Brady clearly demonstrates, many MBs are made, not born. We say give him the benefit of the doubt. If you look at our graph of the American male below, the vast majority need work and with your help, this guy sounds like he could be on the verge of breaking through.
Burberry Men's BU7680 Check Engraved Black Dual Time Zone Stripe Strap Watch via amazon.com. $379.99.Q: Hey MB: I happen to be a huge fan of the Burberry brand and have not been able to decide on a bastardly dastardly watch for an up-and-coming MB like myself. Are these watches ok for me to have as an MB? What is your take? I like the fabric because I think it is ultra classic. Could this be worn for any occasion? Let me know. --Nick
A: Nick, we object to this purchase for at least two reasons. First, this watch is 44mm in diameter, which, unless you have Popeye-sized forearms, is in clear violation of the 40mm max diameter watch rule. Second, it's $380 at Amazon and has a quartz movement! Quartz vs. mechanical is the equivalent of motorboats vs. sailboats, or gas fireplaces vs. wood fireplaces, or fake breasts vs. real breasts. You can probably guess which side we come down on, but just to be clear: go real. Always. You can even save 100 bucks (at least) on a mechanical watch at westcoastime, and if you're digging the fabric strap and can accept a non-Burberry color combo, use your savings to pick up a couple of Zulu or Bond straps.
Q: Definitely digging the new header. The holidays are a wonderful time for MBs to do what they do. Alas, the sweater featured on the model in the header is intriguing. Details? --James
A: Let's get all the header questions out of the way at once:
Sold Out.Q: I have been searching (and saving) for a pair of the Prada Novo Calfskin Boots you featured in your masthead a couple years ago, and thought that these zip boots from Costume National Homme could tide me over in the interim. They have one pair left in my size. Are they MB or should I hold out for the Prada boots? --Josh
A: Josh, first thanks for reading that long. Second, our barbershopmastheadserieswas shot almost three years ago, in February 2008. The New York Timespublished a piece about "barbershop renaissance" on November 25 (2010). Finally, we hope you grabbed those boots because they're sold out. Costume National footwear has been very good to us and if you like anything from F/W 2010 it's all 50% off. Based on previous years' sale timing, if you wait a couple of more weeks it will go to 70% off.
Q: This is concerning the Love Moschino blazer you recently recommended. I purchased one and have to admit it looks awesome. I know it's slim but how snug is it supposed to fit me? It's tight in the underarm/shoulder area. I'm afraid if I hit the gym seriously for 2 months, I will have trouble putting it on. I would appreciate your advice, thank you. --Vik
A: Vik, it sounds like you are used to blazers cut to the toxically unstylish Ben Roethlisberger tent fit (pictured as he arrived for last Sunday night's game vs. the Ravens). Blazers with high armholes -- like the great Love Moschino one you now own -- are actually more comfortable because they allow your arms to move without the whole blazer moving along with them. This may take some getting used to but trust us that it's what you want.
Riven Coat via AllSaints. $285.00.Q: I'm about to pull the trigger on a pea coat from AllSaints. Have you come across this coat in your considerable pea coat research? --Mark
A: Despite its bona fide Anglo roots, AllSaints is not really on our radar since a visit to the Lincoln Road store last year. Their Singer sewing-machined storefronts are easily the best retail facade going, and the interior fixturing is nearly as appealing, however in our experience the clothes themselves do not fulfill on expectations. While we totally get and even endorse a neutral palette, AllSaints has pushed it too far, into Children of Men and even darker, dingier Orwellian dystopia territory. With skulls.
Having said all that, don't let us discourage you. The pea coat you have your eye on certainly looks like it's worth a try, especially since it's on sale and shipping is free.
Q: It's starting to get a bit cold outside. What do you think about fingerless gloves? --Tom
A: Fingerless gloves are great if you're either a street vendor or bum, since they provide the necessary dexterity to make a hot dog or fish a beer can out of the trash. MBs have no need for doing either, and prefer to keep the extremes of their extremities encased in cashmere, or better yet, fur. The latter are a little hard to come by these days but we've been satisfied with the Fratelli Orsini option at leatherglovesonline.com and they're just 82 bucks.
Tom Brady, 2000 NFL CombineQ: Do people who pose questions here truly believe they are ever going to achieve magnificent bastardly-ness? A true MB would not ask style questions; anyone asking a question is clearly TTH. Quite a paradox you have created here. --Solo
A: Some MBs are born, others are made. If you've read this site even a little bit you know a lot of questions come from college students or recent grads. It's a formative period where many learn about opportunity cost and beer bongs and U.S. imperialism, and first develop personal style principles to apply for a lifetime.
Let's take the case of Tom Brady. As a soon-to-be college graduate from Michigan, he showed up at the 2000 NFL combine as a doughy, slow, anti-MB in grandpa boxers. He was drafted in the 6th round. Then the light switch went on and he transformed himself into a style icon who's married to a Brazilian supermodel, and in our view the best QB who ever lived.
While we don't promise the cover of GQ or the NFL Hall of Fame, go ahead and ask away.
The Love Letter, by Auguste ToulmoucheQ: Is it MB to write love letters? With stationary and stamps and an actual pen? In this day of email, tweet/text/social mania is it romantic, or a little TTH? --Matt
Ed. note: We've spent the past 18 months searching the bars of Pulaski looking for the Spectacular Bitch, from Quit-N-Time to T'bombs to Party Marty's. It took a little longer than we thought but we finally found her at Zielinski's. While we get her site ready, she'll be answering questions now and then in this space.
A: Dearest Matt, your instincts are good, but proceed with caution. I once ended a relationship with a man because he included the words "the pitter patter of raindrops" in a letter he posted from Sevilla. Bear in mind, should things ever go south with your lady love, a physical letter can and will be subjected to all manner of ignominy -- burning, shredding, crumpling, soaking, and brutal mockery, possibly at the hands of multiple girlfriends over bottles of wine. On the other hand, a letter can be clutched to her chest, tucked in a favorite book, sniffed, caressed, and re-read as no email could ever hope to be. Perhaps putting a pen to paper is trying too hard, but true blue Spectacular Bitches don't come easy.
Because I like you, Matt, a couple pointers:
1. Know thyself: If you are a clever writer and can guarantee that there will be no grammatical errors, proceed to the next pointer. I once ended a relationship with a man because of his dangling participles.
2. Know thy audience: Make sure you never put in writing something you wouldn't be able to say face-to-face after a few drinks. You don't want to freak her out.
3. Be brief.
4. Use proper stationery and a good pen. Don't be sloppy, but don't try to get creative either. I once ended a relationship with a man because he wrote to me on a piece of birch bark. And another because he wrote to me on a scroll. Plain correspondence cards of good stock are lovely, if you ask me.
5. Speak your truth but remember, leave the poetry to the poets.
Bonne chance, my pet. And be sure to let me know how the lucky lady responds.
Q: What is your official stance on Fair Isle sweaters? I am looking to purchase this classic winter clothing item but don't want the whole corny holiday cliche that is often attached to some patterns/colors. Any recommendations? --Mike S.
A: We heartily endorse Fair Isle and wear it often, but less so now that it's everywhere on both men and women for F/W 2010. To avoid looking like you just walked out of a family Christmas card photo shoot (top), choose a limited palette and make it a cardigan or go for a vest (bottom), like King Edward VIII did while in public.
Anyone ever hear of this movie?Q: So MB - I was at an NBA game on Friday night and there were several MB-looking types wearing patterned driving caps. I've always thought of this as my grandpa's hat, wondering what your thoughts are. --Jennifer
A: We charted the style curve rise and fall of driving/newsboy/ivy caps back in early 2008 and declared the trend dead when Cuba Gooding Jr. showed up at the 10,000 B.C. premiere wearing one (plus flashing hand signs). Now that Gooding Jr. has gone missing, co-starring with Val Kilmer and Christian Slater in straight-to-DVD flicks, and iconic toolbag and the frequent ivy cap-wearing Tony Romo is on injured reserve, this headwear style can now emerge from rehab. In fact, as the NFL season hits the increasingly chilly home stretch, we would not be surprised to see Tom Brady sporting a newsboy for one of his ridiculously stylish post-game press conferences.
Q: First off, I'm a junior at Cornell University and have been using MB since my first year, and I love it. Second, I recently purchased a tailored dinner jacket from Indochino, and a tux shirt. I was wondering if you have any suggestions on studs for the shirt as I was hoping to get a look more similar to Daniel Craig as he wears only buttons, and I made the unfortunate mistake of ordering the studded tux shirt. Thanks so much for your time, I really appreciate it. --Seth
A: Seth, we're honored that an Ivy League lad like yourself would read state-school products like us (UW-Madison). Thanks. Anyhow, about your shirt dilemma, you could probably mitigate the error by buying a set of mother-of-pearl studs, but this is throwing good money after bad. We treat clothing purchasing mistakes much like former Packers GM Ron Wolf treated his draft choice mistakes: don't hope it will work out. Recognize your mistakes early, cut 'em, and move on.
So go ahead and put that Indochino shirt on the waiver wire. If you want a tuxedo shirt like Daniel Craig's Bond, we say get the tuxedo shirt worn by Daniel Craig's Bond. Contact Turnbull and Asser (email link) and have them make you one, either with the concealed front placket of Casino Royale or the full-button placket of Quantum of Solace (top). Yes, it will cost more than the Indochino equivalent, but it's surprisingly affordable and, far more importantly, you'll end up getting exactly what you want.
Speaking of mistakes and James Bond, on the heels of his 1964 Aston Martin DB5 selling for £2.6M ($4.13M), Christie's is auctioning James Bond's infamous Walther LP-53 air pistol, used to promote From Russia With Love (bottom), expected to go for the relative bargain of between $23K-$30K (in 2001 it sold for $20,437.41). When Bond's standard Walther PPK didn't show up for the From Russia With Love photo shoot, photographer David Hurn's air pistol was substituted. He said he'd airbrush out the long barrel to make it look like a PPK, but lied, and this ersatz weapon was used to promote several more Bond flicks.
Why not just use an iPad if you're into this sort of thing?Q: I'm facing a bit of a quandary and trust the opinions of the MB Gods so ... which e-reader is more MB: The Nook or the Kindle? --Cam
A: Cam, the answer is neither. While we're like most people under 70 and have completely abandoned newspapers -- except as a great way to start a fire -- we still read actual books and always will. They meet MB principles of archaism and organic materials, and really look great on a bookshelf.
Q: I have just moved to Shanghai. I need to take the subway for work and if you have ever been to Shanghai before, you will know how crowded it is! I have a currently use a Costume National bag. More like a briefcase. Which is not really suitable for the subway. I need a good shoulder bag that can fit a 15" laptop, notebook, etc. Not too expensive. Functional and not bulky; maybe a mix of leather and canvas? Can you suggest somthing, MB? --John
A: Yes, we've traveled the Shanghai metro and it's even more crowded, dirty, and smelly than flying coach on U.S. airlines. The bag you need is something from Property Of..., a Singapore-based shop that makes minimally-designed bags with a harmonious mixture of the leather/canvas combo you desire, and small enough not to damage internal organs when you're being squeezed by a billion Chinese, in the same subway car all at once. The only problem is finding them. Keep an eye on Gilt (they were on sale there last week) and boutique men's retailers like Ian in Seattle or Martin Patrick in Minneapolis.
Q: What color tie would I wear with a cherry red shirt, specifically the Alexander West cherry discreet? Color matching is not my forte, and I imagine that a badly chosen tie would ruin the shirt. Thanks. --Andrew
A: Andrew, that shirt is talking pretty loudly, so everything else should be quiet, including the tie. Since it's F/W we'd like to see this matched with something brown or gray and nubby, which is where Mountain and Sackett comes in. While tiemaker Alexander Olch gets all the publicity (rightfully so) in GQ, DETAILS, and even in the December issue of women's mag Lucky, less-well-known brothers Bill and John Mountain make equivalent ties at about half the price. If you still prefer them a little narrower, try the 2 3/4" brown flannel Stanton ($59.50) or gray flannel Kenmare ($74.00). Our pick with that shirt is the 3 1/4" Cedar Herringbone ($74.00).
Ed. note: If you're looking for a holiday tie, M&S's 3 1/2" Kerr Tartan goes with nearly everything and draws loads of compliments.
Q: Finally! A new header! Thank heaven. But Schlitz? --Cash
A: Please know that Schlitz, at least according to the writing on the can, is the beer that made Milwaukee famous. And their 16oz. "Tall Boys" are an especially tasty treat. Just when you think you should be out, there are still four delicious ounces left.
Q: You recently recommended the J.Crew Aldridge suit, but the Ludlow has a trimmer fit. Wouldn't that be more MB? I'm planning on a charcoal suit for my slightly casual wedding. --Matt
A: Yes, the Ludlow (lower right) has a trimmer fit, plus a shorter cut and narrower lapels, which is why we recommended the Aldridge (lower left) as that aspiring MB's first suit. It's the same reason we recommend it over the Ludlow for your wedding.
The Ludlow's overly narrow lapel is looking post-peak to our eyes, and for an event that's forever preserved for posterity -- more pictures will be taken of you on this day than that time you passed out on the sofa and your buddies drew shit all over your face with Sharpies -- you want a look that's as timeless as possible. That means lapels approximating the width of those on Cary Grant's suit in North by Northwest, which have style, yet are virtually devoid of trend.
J. Shoes Mojave in Bark via J. Shoes. $145.00.Q: The other day you recommended J Shoes' mojave boots. I noticed they have a crepe sole and was wondering how these hold up in Wisconsin winters. I am interested in a different model with crepe soles for Philadelphia winters. --Michael
A: Crepe soles were born on British soldiers fighting Rommel in the deserts of North Africa, then in 1950 Englishman Nathan Clark made them for civilians and called them "desert boots." These two facts are both strong hints about the wisdom of wearing them during Wisconsin winters, and intuitively we stow away our crepe-soled boots by Thanksgiving. But just to make sure we asked J. Shoes about it and here's what they said:
Crepe is a rubber latex material that changes with the temperature. It softens in the summer and gets hard in the winter, which means it can be slippery and dangerous on ice.
In our experience, the only footwear not dangerous on ice is a pair of skates, but while we want you in a pair of crepe-soled J. Shoes boots, leave the road slush and ice to footwear that's far more appropriate.
Q: So I need to upgrade my winter hat collection, and started off with your suggestions for cashmere knit caps. However, I'd also like something a little different from the standard knits, and was looking at stuff like this BR military hat. Any other suggestions? --Dave
A: We suggest waiting on military until the next election. But even in 2012, that particular hat is reserved exclusively for baller revolutionaries. Plus, unless you hail from Cuba or anywhere south of about the panhandle, a winter hat needs ear coverage as an option, so it doesn't even qualify in our book.
If you still insist on military, something similar that doesn't violate The Castro Rule and has flaps is this Block Headwear knit called the "Morgan". Block is an MB fave that makes great hats, and their logos always come off so easily! Other options are the MB-endorsed Stormy Kromer (invented in Wisconsin), and if you have a little more scratch, this Borsalino Roma.
Why is the male in your header dressed appropriately for the subject of your banter, while the female looks like she belongs more on the Wisconsin version of "Jersey Shore" ("Door County Shore?")? --Allison
A: Allison, Monday through Saturday Nicole is dressed in cashmere and pearls. But on home-game Sundays she falls victim to the spell of the Packers, and dons green American Apparel shorts, grilling tongs, and a cheese bra. Like pickled herring, cannibal sandwiches, and brandy Old Fashioneds, you kinda have to live here to understand.
Anyhow, we love the Door County Shore concept and are ready to write a treatment for MTV. We can see Snooki and The Situation slinging fish boils at the White Gull Inn and sundaes at Wilson's Ice Cream Parlor. Thanks for the suggestion.
Son, please don't tell us you bought theseQ: I've just bought a pair of grey Kenneth Cole leather oxford shoes. I intend to wear them with long-sleeved shirts in the office. Should I wear a grey leather belt too? --Mark
A: First, we hope those Kenneth Cole oxfords plot on the proper portion of our shoe pointiness chart. (We're afraid for you, Mark!)
Second, we've never been fans of strict adherence to the belt-must-match-shoes rules handed down by previous generations of MBs, and the gray-on-gray you're wondering about sounds a little too Garanimalistic for our taste. You've essentially opened up the accessory playbook by wearing a pair of gray shoes, which is the footwear equivalent of denim. So while black and brown belts will both work, feel confident in pairing them with just about anything.
Rudolf Dassler pictured with a model of his namesake shoesQ: What shoes are in the header photo? --Kevin
A: They are Puma Rudolf Dassler "Metropolis Low" sneakers. We recommend them, along with lots of other Dassler models, if you're OK with fact that "Ruda" (the original name of Puma) was an even more hard-core Nazi than his Adidas-founding older brother Adi. Style before National Socialist affiliation, we always say.
Ed. Note: Another Dassler shoe, the Standpunkt, also made an appearance in an MB header in early 2009. This is a highly-recommended (and far more available) model.
UPDATE: The size 13s at Bluefly quickly sold out once this entry was posted, but sizes 11 and 12 are available at Tagotti Shoes, also at a deep discount. Unlike most other Puma footwear, these fit true to size, so no need to add one.
Notch lapel Indochino suit jacketQ: Getting married in March and I am ordering khaki suits from Indochino. Question is, peak or notch lapel? Is one more formal than others? What's appropriate for a casual feel wedding? --Jason
A: We've got a hotline connected directly to Indochino CEO Kyle Vucko's office, and after consulting with his style team, here's what he said:
"Peaked lapels are a bit dressier than notched lapels, and have a bit more flair. Given that your wedding has a casual feel, though, I'd opt for notched lapels. Peaked lapels are stylish, but put your entire wedding party in them and they'll look much more dressy costume-y. Notched lapels, on the other hand, are always classic."
Q: Forget the blazer. More importantly, where can an MB get Bradley Cooper's glasses in that photo? --Scott
A: We've answered this one before, but here you go: They're Allyn Scura "Legend" frames and they're $145. We use these as regular eyeglasses, and in tortoise they add 10 IQ points at a minimum.
Q: Greetings! Love the site. I'm hoping you can tell me where a young professional MB might find a relaxed cotton blazer like the one Bradley Cooper has on here? Thanks. --Drew
A: Blazers like this will be fairly plentiful in a couple of months as retailers/designers roll out S/S 2011 but for now it's slim pickings. First, browse through the sale rack at YOOX (our favorite blazer-hunting grounds) and you might get lucky. If you need this now and have shorter-than-average arms, the Lands End Canvas Chino Blazer is worth a try. It was a return for us but it's $89.50 (was just $69.50 when Canvas launched, BTW), has functioning buttonholes, a modern fit, and it's very close to what Bradley Cooper is wearing, including the alligator-length arms.
NB: Pairing with gingham strongly endorsed.
Ed. Note: Since pointing out that the blazer is 3-button vs. 2-button as Canvas originally advertised, we love how they've modified the copy to make it a 2.5-button blazer: "Also of note: this jacket has a three-button front, but the lapel is designed so only two buttons show."
D&G Cropped Wool Peacoat, With Epaulets via Saks Fifth Avenue. $1015.00.Q: I finally got around to ordering the Spiewak McKenzie Peacoat you recommended in 2008. Naturally it has shoulder straps, which you've since informed us are post-peak. However as virtually all peacoats I've ever seen have shoulder straps is it really worth while getting a tailor to remove them? --Tadgh
A: We've finely-tuned a lot of clothing that's raised both our tailor's eyebrows, like shortening a t-shirt hem by 1", narrowing a tie by 1/2", and, yes, having epaulets removed. But if epaulets are ever OK in a mid-term election year such as this one, it's on a pea coat, military-themed outerwear that's a wardrobe basic. If you're not convinced, rather than spending money on epaulet removal, stick it in your closet until 2012 when they will be sewn back on everything.
Q: So you have me sold on O&W Kartargo but I can't decide on whether to get it with the date or without. I feel like it looks so much better without, yet I hate to have to grab for my cellphone to know the date, that's something The Situation would do, actually I wouldn't be surprised if he already has a phone app that says the time in his Jersey dialect. --John
A: We own both and vote for the ND, and not just because it looks cleaner. The date turns out to be more trouble than it's worth, adjusting for 30 and 28-day months with little discernible benefit. Unless you're a notary public or frequent check writer, how often do you need to instantly know the date? Usually a ballpark like "early November" or "late October" is all you need until you're in front of your calendar.
We recommend buttoning up for the ceremonyQ: I have to attend a viewing/funeral with my girlfriend for someone I don't know. It's Saturday and I am in college so I don't have much time to plan. What would the MB recommend for an aspiring MB? --Matthew
A: Matthew, use this stranger's death as an opportunity to prepare for the next phase of your life: get into a four-season charcoal gray suit. Besides rocking the funeral, it will serve you nicely for forthcoming interviews, peers' weddings, and just about any other occasion that calls for a suit.
With the deadline just two days away, online and custom are clearly not options, which can be a good thing since they sometimes cause anxiety due to The Paradox of Choice.
Two acceptable suits available at popular offline stores are the oft-recommended J. Crew Aldridge, or, of you're a bigger guy or prefer a more traditional cut, BR's version which is $80 cheaper. Either way, just be sure to stay clear of Men's Wearhouse.
Tip: Biased Cut is also holding a sale. Four of their shirts are at $50.
Question: I'm really digging the Bona Fide. It fits the season well and it's very understated. Your thoughts?
Also, I'm a little unsure about Eucalypt. I need your guidance on this one. --Albert
A: 50 bucks for a custom shirt should get everyone's attention, and Biased Cut shipped the best-fitting shirt of the ones we reviewed.
Regarding your questions, Albert, if you like the Bona Fide, go for it. But because you're unsure, sit tight on the Eucalypt. We've learned to hold apparel to the same burden of proof as potential partners/spouses: even if there's only a hint of doubt about an item, pass on it or return it. It really cuts down on the trips to the resale shop. And divorce court.
NB: One thing we weren't crazy about with the Biased Cut shirt was the 1/8" collar stitching and the 1/4" stitching everywhere else. If you make the request for consistent 1/4" stitching, Biased Cut will accommodate.
Cotton-cashmere half-zip sweater via J. Crew. $85.00.Q: What's your take on those half zip sweaters with the collars that kind of stand up, like the J. Crew version? Is this akin to popping a collar? Or, is this acceptable collar territory? --DTC
A: We hate these sweaters. But it's got nothing to do with collar popping and everything to do with them being stuck in a stylistic no man's land between Mark Zuckerbergian fleece outerwear and a regular sweater, much like capri pants are stuck between pants and shorts, or a mock turtleneck is stuck between a turtleneck and a t-shirt. In fact, if you zip one of these up and throw a blazer over it, you're in Van Gundy Rule territory. Avoid.
Vince Herringbone Blazer via Saks Fifth Avenue. $595.00.Q: I was wondering, what do you think about tweed blazers? I was thinking about picking one up for winter. If it's indeed MB, perhaps some recommendations would be nice. --Tyler
A: Tweed blazers, particularly herringbone, are a F/W necessity as much as a whiskey-filled flask in an MB's breast pocket. Wear them often, and not just for shooting clays, fox hunts, or teaching English.
This season we haven't had much luck finding good ones, with the exception of Vince's somewhat pricey classic-with-a-twist slim, short, stretch wool version with patch pockets and functioning buttonholes. It also comes equipped with leather elbow patches so you don't wear holes there while leaning on the bar (in the cases when the flask is in the shop).
Q: What are the boots the model in the Betabrand Jeans ad is wearing in the majority of the pictures on their site? Or perhaps you can recommend a similar pair for a college student's budget. --Dan
A: Dan, they're J SHOES' Mojave boot in Bark. While $145 is likely a little rich for a college student's budget, they're made in England, based on the classic British WWII desert boot (both nicely satisfying the Principle of Anglophilia), and will get better with age. In other words, you can't afford not to buy.
Q: Is there such a thing as a Magnificent Bastardly Halloween costume? --Ben
A: There are three holidays we don't participate in: New Year's Eve, St. Patrick's Day, and Halloween. Too many amateurs. Regarding Halloween, the fact that Jersey Shore cast members Snooki, DJ Pauly D, and The Situation are this year's top costumes (as well as Lady Gaga) should give you pause. However, if you insist, three years ago we created a pseudo-scientific Halloween costume chart that is surprisingly relevant today.
Q: What's your take on collar bars (aka collar pins) as a bastardly accessory? A vintage touch to a magnificent ensemble, unecessarily dressy for everyday at the office, or just TTH? I mean, it's hard to deny the "Mayhem" guy from recent Allstate commercials is a bastard and a half, and wears a tie bar in every ad. --Nate
A: Based on the number of marriage proposals on YouTube, Allstate has an even bigger hit on their hands with Mayhem than Dos Equis had with The Most Interesting Man in the World.
There is a lot to like here: the shirt collar/tie knot combination, the real 5 o' clock shadow, the way he pulls off a receeding hairline, and of course that sinister grin. And the wink, too. It's no wonder women are crazy for this guy.
The only knock is the personalized license plate (pictured), which is the toolbag auto's de facto standard. As for the collar bar, it's a little Mad Men-y and hence played out, but if you're otherwise as artfully disheveled and bruised and cut up as Mayhem, it works to balance out the look.
Welder Raincoat Freecut via muji.us. $12.75.Q: As a poor college student, what does MB suggest I wear for when it's raining out? I know you recommend a Mackintosh Coat but those a little too expensive for a student's budget. -Peter
A: Muji Welder Raincoat Freecut. It looks like Prada and it's $12.75. But that's not even the best part. Whether you've got long arms or short, long torso or short, it doesn't matter; just grab a scissors and cut along the dotted lines on the hem and sleeves. (Scissors not included.)
UPDATE: Peter, here's what not to wear when it's raining: Sun Mountain Rainflex jackets and pants. Americans at the Ryder Cup had to abandon this permeable rain gear in favor of nonpourous ProQuip outerwear available at the merchandise tent.
If you're going to do it, do it like thisQ: What are the rules for stubble on your neck and face? To me, stubble/five o'clock shadow represent the 'I don't care, deal with it' look. I like it, if I had a thicker coat I'd do it. However, is it wrong to have a problem with those who shave the neck, but leave the face stubbled? --Brian
A: No, it's not wrong to have a problem with this oxymoronic look. It's completely defeating the point of the stubble and doesn't make sense prima facie. Get it?
Add it to the list of other things we don't understand, like decaffeinated coffee, non-alcoholic beer, and dry humping.
Q: Naturally, an MB attracts the opposite sex at any time of day or night whether he is going outside to pick up the paper or waiting in line at the DMV. But, for those of us that like to go out to clubs and bars at night to meet women, what is MB-endorsed night party wear? --Amir
A: We recommend Mark Nason boots, distressed jeans with a bunch of shit on the back pockets, and an untucked striped sport shirt.
Amir, we're just fucking with ya! Only wear this if you want to look like a participant in some sort of local university's toolbag cloning experiment.
Anyhow, the whole "club wear" concept is foreign to us and feels very TTH. On the contrary, you want to look like you didn't really try at all; you and some friends had dinner and just happened to end up on the floor, fist-pumping like Vinny from Jersey Shore.
Q: I'm shopping for watches and stumbled upon Skagen's line of titanium mesh watches. Normally that would sound like something of a gimmick to me, but they seem really sharp. The watches are super lightweight, and I think the particular model I like, the 233LTTM, meets the MB rule of understatement. More importantly, I'm told that these watches can really take a beating, and I tend to be rough on watches. What do you think? Thank you. --Shane
A: When we think of worthwhile Danish exports, we think Lego, or Carlsberg, or May
Andersen, not modernly styled titanium watches. For a few bucks more we instead recommend watches with Swiss (vs. Japanese) movements that can really take a beating like, say, war.
Not to sound like a broken record, but when in the market for a watch first see what Howard Marx has available, and if you have the dough the Kartago is an excellent choice you will be repeatedly complimented on.
A year later, giving up the sack record to Michael StrahanQ: As we MBs get older, most of us fight a valiant battle against middle-age spread. My svelte lines aren't what they used to be, despite my efforts, and I'm finding it harder and harder to make my Magnificent outfits look right. What advice do you have for us over-35 MBs to help us maintain our Bastardly good looks and taste in the face of increasing waistlines? What fits or methods are going to universally look MB on the bigger man? Thanks, and keep up the good work! --Red
A: A few weeks into the 2000 season, when 30 year-old quarterback Brett Favre was dealing with both tendonitis and conditioning issues, John Madden said, "The older you get, the harder you have to work." While it seems a little backwards and slightly unfair, it's the truth for QBs and MBs alike.
So, Red, we're not going to tell you to which shades of lipstick to apply to a pig, or which oversized camp shirt looks best untucked. Because we can't, in good conscience, plop you down on the very slippery slope to sweatpants and tracksuits.
Most recent Brad Pitt newsboy sighting: August 2009Q: I need a winter hat. The Chicago winter is fast approaching and I have been scouring both brick and mortar and the internet for a hat that works for me. It's difficult because flat caps seem to be way too ubiquitous. Also, every fedora type hat I have ever tried on makes me feel like a total toolbag. That leaves very few styles short of just your standard knit cap, which I sometimes wear. However, I long for something a little more unique. I have looked into the Stormy Kromer hat you mentioned last year, but I feel the baseball bill really isn't my thing. Any help you could give in steering me towards a new hat would be greatly appreciated. --Steven
A: Besides being ubiquitous (in spite of Cuba Gooding Jr. signaling them as outgoing a while back), a flat cap vs. Chicago winter is the equivalent of scissors vs. rock. Same with a fedora.
John McEnroe winning his first Wimbledon in 1981Q: My wife and I have a disagreement. We joined a "walk for charity" the other day. Most of the men were wearing ankle socks with their tennis shoes. I have always preferred the calf-high athletic sock pushed down just slightly to give it a disheveled look whenever I run or work out. My wife is trying to tell me that the calf high sock is out of style and the ankle sock is the new style. I think ankle socks are for women tennis players. While a real man wears calf-high athletic socks. Will you please set her straight? --Eamon
A: Congratulations, Eamon, on being a lot less wrong than your wife. We see where you're going with the artfully disheveled tube sock look, but would like it better if they've got a stripe or two, as worn by male tennis players. As for your wife's current thinking on men's socks, ankle socks suck. They offer none of the disheveled/vintage benefits of quarter or crew-length, and leave tan lines that trash the exposed ankle look.
Our suggestion is no-show socks. Wigwam, based in Sheboygan, Wisconsin -- a town so completely Wisconsin we invented and then named a cocktail after it -- makes a good no-show athletic sock that's primarily cotton, an organic materials rarity in the age of Dri-release®, Lumiza™, Coolmax®, or other new-fangled synthetics that only serve to make our feet sweat.
Q: So I've got a work boat cruise party coming up in the middle of October (I live in Virginia). I'm at a loss of what to wear. I'm starting with a pair of AG's, a nice pair of not too pointed/not too square black Clarks loafers I'm at a loss of how to be bastardly magnificent at this point. I've got the Carolina Blue Gingham Shirt, but I'm wondering if maybe a solid shirt/tie and a simple blazer might knock it out of the park. It's easy to put in barely any effort to stand out style wise with engineers, but really looking to set myself apart. Thanks!!! --Wade
A: We're on record advocating for gingham as a year-round pattern, so definitely wear that shirt.
If you really want to hit it out of the park -- essentially becoming your office's Mr. October -- pair it with a brown corduroy blazer, like this one from Banana ($198), or this one from J. Crew ($138), or if you're flush this one by Etro ($990). It's the cocktailing equivalent of mixing ginger into bourbon lemonade; you're hitting the appropriate fall notes while your shirt and leisure activity read summer (and you can wear that blazer for the next 5 months).
Suddenly we're very thirsty.
UPDATE: The J. Crew version is now on sale for $99, $109 for Tall.
Q: What is the rule with wearing white after Labor Day? I have heard a bunch of different rules and wanted to get the official MB stance on this. I live in the south and we can have warm weather all the way though October so I didnt know if I had to go ahead and hang up all my white attire (linen pants, dress shorts, loafers, etc) till memorial day or not? Thanks. --Zack
Q: The Memorial-Day-to-Labor-Day thing is an antiquated sartorial rule, like a hat requirement when when standing in an unemployment line. Even up here in Wisconsin we've adopted a May-Day-to-end-of-MLB-regular-season rule. If you live in the south, extend that to the end of the World Series. But please think twice about those linen pants.
Men's Stag's Horn Handle Umbrella via www.swaineadeney.co.uk. $580.57.Q: I've been struggling with finding a good umbrella -- all of mine are hugely logoed. Where does an MB get his umbrellas? --Albert
A: Albert, legible clothing is one thing. Legible umbrellas are quite another. Even when paired with golf spikes, this is a look to avoid unless you've got a paying sponsor.
When it comes to umbrellas it's important to buy one made in England, and not merely to satisfy the MB principle of Anglophilia. Besides soccer, James Bond, and the flush toilet, the British also invented rain.
If you're flush (with cash) then there's really only one option: A Swaine Adeney Brigg umbrella, preferably covered in coated silk and handled with horn from a deer or buffalo. Just don't leave this behind in a taxi. A tiny notch down from Brigg is James Smith & Sons, who've been making umbrellas for 180 years. Their solid stick umbrellas are essentially bespoke, handmade and measured and cut according to your height. Finally there's this Paul Smith stripe umbrella which, while not made or horn or silk, folds into something you can slip into your bag and doesn't cost more than the per-capita income of Burundi.
San Diego Padres pitcher Clayton RichardQ: Can the "not soon to be in first place" Padres 10-game losing streak be explained by their ridiculous jerseys this past Sunday? --Richard
A: In a badly misguided effort to honor the military, the Padres have worn camo jerseys on Sunday home games since 2008, a full two years after camo became post-peak.
Q: I'm starting a new school year on Tuesday and want to know: what does an MB teacher wear? --Eric
A: As is often the case, movies hold the answer. You want to set yourself apart from the Phys. Ed. teacher, but not go too dressy in the direction of Mr. Hand or Ben Stein's famed economics teacher; it's a slippery slope towards administration, or Looking Like Principal Richard Vernon.
While this was the least believable movie role since Denise Richards played a nuclear physicist in The World is Not Enough, Bradley Cooper's artfully disheveled prep-school teacher in The Hangover strikes a fine balance: vest (one size smaller than normal), sleeve-rolled chambray work shirt, undone repp tie, accessorized with a vintage watch in a black nylon band.
Commonwealth Proper 'Almy' Shirt via Commonwealth Proper. $150.00.Q: I'm a 6' 3" fellow with long arms and a long torso. I've been looking around for some casual button downs to wear untucked but all of the ones that I've found, the sleeves have been at least an inch too short. I wear slim-fit shirts and, short of ordering custom tailored and rolling up every button down shirt I own, where would you suggest I purchase shirts that are both casual and not too expensive? --Jacob
A: Jacob, we're in the same boat and know exactly what you mean. Why don't shirtmakers make off-the-rack garments for tall, sinewy lads like us? It's discriminatory!
If you can't be bothered going the custom shirt route (see our feature on custom shirts), we've found a shirtmaker that meets your needs, with the possible exception of price: Philadelphia-based Commonwealth Proper makes just 20 copies of each shirt (in the USA) and releases a few new versions each month. Their large will fit you like a glove, but don't just take our word for it. You can find out for yourself with a free home try-on by emailing your address to try@commonwealthproper.com.
Indochino Utility Suit via indochino.com. $369.00.Q: What are your thoughts on Indochino? They have some pretty inexpensive suits, but they look rather, well, cheap. MB or not worth my time? --Bryce
A: We want to do a custom suit feature this fall, and hope Indochino participates so we can answer your question in great detail. Their suits range in price from $329 to $449. For that price you cannot expect Kiton. (If any readers are in the custom suit-making business, drop us a line if you're interested in participating in the feature.)
Where we're from, white sneakers are on about the same wearing calendar as white pants -- Pulaski road slush really does a number on them -- which means the weather almost always calls for exposed ankles with this shoe-pant combo. But don't spare the socks. Even encased in stylish Japanese sneakers, feet without socks stink worse than Van Halen without David Lee Roth.
We've worn these for years and therefore highly recommend Banana Republic no-show loafer socks. They're now discounted so if you buy 3 or more pair they're just $5.43 each. (Choose white for this use, of course.) Another option (that we haven't tried) is young entrepreneur Philip Bunting's Mocc Sock & Co.'s version (pictured), which also come in gray and are only slightly more expensive than BR.
Roll Tide. Yes.Q: What does an MB wear to an early September (over 100 degrees) afternoon football game at the alma mater? --Claxton
A: Even in cooler Big Ten climes, afternoon September football games against the likes of Austin Peay are best enjoyed at a bar near the stadium, rather than squeezed in with 80,000 sticky, sweaty Badger fans.
If the ticket's already purchased, follow our advice already given to Los Angeles Lakers fans: look like a fan without really trying. This means shorts, shoes/sandals, and a t-shirt/SS you'd feel comfortable wearing to a non-gameday BBQ, with only a subtle hint of your team loyalties. In other words, somewhere in between the plastic flip-flop, team jersey, backward ballcap-wearing undergraduate throngs, and the legible grey-haired alum with the world's worst sunburn.
Q: This is a question for Spectacular Bitch, but since she's making us wait, like, forever ... I'd like your opinion on what to wear to Lambeau on Thursday night. I'll be in a suite with business partners so a cheese bra is out of the question. Please advise. --Kelly
A: In lieu of the cheese bra (save that for November 7th against Dallas, when we'll be there) here's an effortless, SB-appropriate outfit for a cool August night:
Q: Let's talk about Bastardic pockets/pocket gear. Am I correct in the belief that inside an MB's pockets there should only be a minimalistic non-George Costanza wallet, a maximum of 2 keys with no obtrusive keyring and a cellphone? Keys and wallet on the left, phone on the right and party in the middle. Oh, and a mini Altoids tin in the coin pocket of your jeans, as this eliminates that offensive sound of announcing your arrival by walking. I have this Dopp wallet which I think is MB...your thoughts? --Robert
A: We've previously endorsed minimal, non-George Costanza wallets. Specifically, the MAKR CARRY GOODS "One" ($60) made from free-range cattle each given a loving pat on the head before being shipped to slaughter, and Malcolm Fontier's polyurethane "Mojito" ($29) for more highly evolved types.
While Dopp certainly has a pedigree -- German immigrant Charles Doppelt invented the toiletry case in 1919 -- a magnet seems like an especially bad materials choice for a money clip. Besides potentially demagnetizing something like a room key, the clip's effectivness diminishes in proportion to the more cash an MB is carrying.
Tigerlily Off Shoulder Hot Dress via shopbop.com. $121.00.Q: For an Irish-themed wedding, is it all right to wear a black mini dress? Or is a floral longer dress more appropriate? --Alexandra
A: Hon, this is a question best left to Spectacular Bitch, but as SBs are wont to do, they're making us wait.
Anyhow, the answer is "neither." Even if the longer dress was made with printed shamrocks, flowers are best when used in combination with vases. And while we strongly endorse black mini dresses, they're for the club, not a wedding. Instead, wear something that hits right around the knee, like this silk "Lorelei" dress (but go ahead and get the mini dress too).
Q: What are your thoughts on tie clips? I've noticed some articles on ties and suits and thought maybe I skimmed over something on tie clips. I have a wedding coming up and will be sporting a 2 button, single vented, dark grey, slim fitting suit with white/charcoal edged cotton pocket square, purple checked shirt and a solid lavender tie. Will a well placed silver tie clip make the outfit complete? --Mike (MB in training)
Besides strongly recommending a plain white pocket square, we'd pass on the tie clip. Like fused collars, collar stays, creased pants, starch, and excessive hair gelling, tie clips contribute to a too neat, too calculated, too TTH look. We call for freedom for ties! To dangle asymmetrically, to catch a little gust of wind, to do their part contributing to the aesthetic goal of artful dishevelment.
Q: When you finally get the Toolbag Fantasy League section of this site up and running, I call dibs on The Food Network's Guy Fieri. He is clearly the anchor for a championship caliber squad. I happened to flip past him on television last night and the guy is not missing a single facet of toolbagism. I of course am operating under the assumption that he had a cell phone belt holster hiding underneath his size XXL bowling style shirt with flames printed on it. Watch out fellow Fantasy Toolbag Leaguers, I plan on hoisting the silverware at the end of the season. --Steven
Stained Glass Plasteramic Watch via Toy Watch. $225.00.What's your take on Toy Watch? I'm feeling quite tempted to buy myself one but there's a little voice of doubt inside myself telling me to stay away... --CD
A: Listen to that little voice, CD, because it's noticed that Toy Watch -- which look like a Rolex humped a Swatch -- was once sold at Barney's and Bergdorf Goodman, and is now available at Sears. These were watches of the moment, and that moment happened three years ago.
For just a few bucks more, buy a mechanical watch (i.e., not quartz) based on a design worn by British airmen doing battle against Hermann Göring's Luftwaffe, rather than a timepiece recommended by Ellen DeGeneres and, far more damagingly, featured on Oprah's Favorite Things.
S Kirk & Son Repousse Sterling Silver Coaster 1940 via Ruby Lane. $175.00.Q: I recently upgraded the desk in my den to a nice hardwood number and realized something while pouring myself a congratulatory drink - I need coasters. A lot has been said about what to drink and when, but what do you put them on? Stone? Wood? Plain glass-sized napkins? --Adam
A: Adam, the principle of organic materials extends beyond your wardrobe to your home, too, and that definitely includes your choice in coasters. Stone surely qualifies, as does wood, but wood on wood is too matchy-matchy; and cloth napkins, while requiring laundering (and folding), are a tad too tea party.
No, this is your den, your man cave. It's the place where you pay the bills, watch sports, and gaze up at shelves filled with books you haven't read. You need a coaster worthy of your exclusive one-man club, so go for something vintage, hopefully with a few dings, and clearly one of a kind, like this sterling silver version by S. Kirk & Son, a Baltimore silversmith that dates its beginning to 1815.
Q: My husband and I are visiting NYC this summer and have reservations at an upscale restaurant that requires jackets for men. What jackets/blazers do you recommend that can be worn with non-jeans without looking like a total toolbag? --Melissa
If you do decide to venture out, we hear what you're saying about matching blazers with non-denim. While nearly 100% of blazers go with blue jeans, the success rate with trousers is no better than 10%. Unless they're white. White pants are nearly denim's blazer-matching equivalent, so rather than go shopping for a new blazer, find him a great pair of white pants (and they're all on sale now).
A: Slub is a thick, irregular place in yarn or fabric, and definitely adheres to the MB principles of artful dishevelment and none-too-neat. Unfortunately everyone has jumped on the slub bandwagon -- we've even seen it on MLB attire -- so it's headed post-peak and suspect savvy designers will completely abandon it for 2011. If you own it, wear it now while you still can.
A: We don't remember wearing underwear this brightly colored (or legible) since 1st grade, when we didn't have much say in the matter. With names like "Thick n' Meaty," "London Ballin'," "Mighty Muscle," and "Tiger's Wood," we get the strong sense the GG marketing department may be overcompensating for something. However, we'd definitely consider the bacon sleep pants because everyone knows that everything -- including sleep pants -- is better with bacon.
Bally Fresney sueded leather sandals via bally.com. $243.00.Q: Do you have any recommendations for sandals that do not have a strap shoved between my big and second toe? I know it's a hang-up of mine, but the feeling of having the strap tug up between those two toes is too much like having underwear run up my butt crack. In other words, do you have a good "commando" sandal suggestion? --Richard
A: We don't have the same hang-up as you, and we've never had underwear run up our butt crack, but if you're feeling that thong sandals are too much like a capital "T" Thong, then definitely leave those to the fairer sex.
A couple of years ago, during our first-annual Pedicure Awareness Month, we recommended these Paul Smith crisscross sandals from Barney's Co-Op. They're long gone now, and this has been a lousy season for great sandals, but the idea is the same: go for crisscross or strap sandals with an opening wide enough to not compact your toes, like this versatile sueded Bally version, now 50% off. (Limited sizes, so hurry.)
Ed. note: If you have toes not fit for public consumption (you know who you are) and insist on sandals, please be kind to others and go closed-toe fisherman. Thank you.
Tom, what happened?Q: Hello! I'm sending my mother and father to the San Francisco Opera for Wagner's Ring Cycle and it has been formally requested that all men wear tuxedos to opening night. This has sent us on a search for the perfect tuxedo. Now, we already know that you recommend a double-vented jacket for maximum bastardliness, but on the matter of the pants: pleated or plain? Thanks so much for your magnificence! --Amanda-Louise
A: In Apocalypse Now Lt. Col. Bill Kilgore had his boys play Wagner's Ride of the Valkyries because "it scares the hell out of the slopes!," but it shouldn't scare your father from flat front trousers. Middle age is no excuse for pleats. Like smoking grass leads to heroin addiction, they're gateway attire to sweatpants, followed closely by full-on tracksuits.
A: We addressed this in early spring as the fad was emerging, in a Steve McQueen-Erkel side-by-side. As with most novelties to sweep the streets of Manhattan, we don't get it. Yeah, exposed ankles can be a very good thing, but pants rolling effectively shortens your legs, making you appear, uh, shorter. It's too bad 7' 7" Manute Bol recently died; he was a perfect pant-rolling candidate! Finally, the fact that the craze was popularized by the shrunken, man-shrinking designer Thom Browne really seals the deal. Our advice: Wait this one out (it won't be long).
Not quite there, J. Crew
Q: I have a couple of polo shirts that have gotten lines in the collars from lots of wear. I iron them, but it doesn't seem to remove the whole line. Is there any way remove/prevent this from happening? --Tom
A: Tom, do you realize J. Crew has an entire division of fabric engineers dedicated to creating ersatz collar lines, and they still have not duplicated what you've achieved naturally via hundreds of wash cycles? Accept and embrace these lines, and most importantly, like tax returns, leave all ironing to professionals.
(Take an extra 20% off Final Sale with code Extra20)
Q: Today I was at the mall and saw that American Eagle Outfitters is having a $5 graphic tees sale. I love graphic tees, can sport a patriotic look, and the fact that I tend to spend more on a Five Guys hamburger isn't off-putting. What do you think? --Mike
A: Our recommendation is to instead go with the bacon cheeseburger and a large cajun style fries. We're not bit fans of graphic tees, especially ones with flags, red white and blue, and other advertisements of how much you dig this country. Keep it understated, like a pair of stars-and-stripes boxers. Or celebrate like we do, by grilling out, drinking to excess, and donating generously to the ACLU.
Q: I've been rambling through the web for months now hoping I could find a name and model of the black horn-rimmed glasses the late wonderful Mr. Cary Grant wore. They were so plain yet held their own level of style among the simplicity. What can you all tell me? --T.R.
A: While we're still researching the make/model of Mr. Grant's North by Northwest sunglasses, we're confident about his off-screen glasses as pictured on this old GQ cover: They're Rodenstock Roccos.
To our eye, Roccos look not so much like glasses as the theatrical prop version of glasses -- glasses that even the folks in the last aisle of the balcony can see. This isn't to say we don't like them -- just that the degree of difficulty in pulling them off is high. Unless your face is a leading man type itself, they will steal the scene from it every time. And who wants to be upstaged by their glasses?
Q: I read Class which you suggested and it was a great book. It opened my eyes to what class is. Now everywhere I go I am sizing things up. Any more books your protégés should read? --Vik
Q: Love your site! Do you have some reading suggestions? You already mentioned Fussell's Class, which I agree is just hilarious. As a backgrounder for that I'd suggest Veblen's Theory of the Leisure Class. Looking forward to any other recommendations. --Jochen
A: These are two of about a half-dozen emails we've received regarding a recommended reading list. While there's only one Class, here are a few other MB-endorsed books you can get through by Labor Day:
Channing Tatum's got the Vans part rightQ: MB, what are your thoughts on airplane attire? Comfortable is a plus, but of course it must be bastardly enough to defy the disturing trend of pajama wearers who have inundated our nation's skies. --Stephen
A: We agree, today's fliers look like they're ready to either a.) attend a slumber party, or b.) run the 100 meter hurdles. Millions of Americans in tracksuits is probably not the outcome Osama bin Laden had in mind, but in the War on Style, the terrorists have won.
Just a couple of simple rules here: 1.) Wear pants that don't require a belt (no drawstrings or elastic allowed), and 2.) Wear a pair of shoes you can easily slip on and off, like these John Varvatos canvas slip-on loafers or for something more casual, Sperry slip-ons, or Vans.
Q: What does MB think of David Beckham and Fabio Capello's Umbro suits for the 2010 World Cup? Is this a winning look? --Brennan
A: Nicely proportioned lapel, two button front, four button (which we presume to be functioning) cuffs, double rear vents in the traditional British style, and a three-lion crest. If you can excuse the creases in the pants, there is a lot to like here -- but unfortunately FIFA doesn't award any points for the amount of fearsome wildlife on your breast pocket.
With England currently 0-0-2, with just one goal to its credit, and unlikely to make it out of the weak Group C, the suits are looking a little TTH, like Beckham and Capello spent more time preparing their wardrobe than their team.
Q: Great posts about biking. However, and I feel stupid for asking, my GF loves to Rollerblade. Is this an activity I can enjoy with her without looking like a total toolbag? --Jared
A: Jared, watch this instructional Rollerblade video for ten seconds -- no, make that two seconds -- and the answer should be clear. In addition, we encourage you to read our extremely effective dating and relationship guide: separate interests. Okay, now re-read it, memorize it, and put it into action. When she goes Rollerblading, go play golf. When she's at yoga, take a nap. When she's gardening, pop a beer and watch The Big Game*. To paraphrase the Roman poet Sextus Propertius, the less time you spend together, the longer you'll stay together.
Q: I think every Puma sport fashion shoe you guys post sells out pretty quickly. I'm looking for an all around black shoe to wear to work or out with friends. How does this one work for an MB in training? --Justin
A: If this came in a matte black version, or a matte anything version, we'd enthusiastically recommend it. But unless you're at a wedding, patent leather has no place in your wardrobe. It violates the key MB matte vs. gloss principle, and would be too much for using it the way you've described (unless you work as a wedding planner, or crash a lot of weddings with your friends).
Rule: If your nose is as long and sharp as a point collar, wear a spread collar.Q: Been looking at Biased Cut ever since you posted the Custom Shirt Reviews. What do you recommend as far as collars? I like the look of the spread collar as it seems more modern. Did you order any spread collared shirts? --Mark
A: No, we didn't order any spread collar shirts for a couple of reasons:
1. They demand a Windsor knot, and while it's definitely a break from our severe case of Anglophilia, we much prefer the four-in-hand.
2. 95 out of 100 guys look better with a point-style collar. It's similar to striped shirts, with point collars equalling vertical stripes and spread collars equalling horizontal stripes. If you're the rare man who needs his face fattened, a spread collar can work. If you're not, point collars are a much better bet.
Q: I am looking for a hat to wear while on my boat. But hats are tricky and could easily fall into the TTH realm. Any suggestions? --Matt
A: We like to think of boats as convertibles of the sea, and our rule for convertibles is to let Mother Nature serve as your stylist. As JFK convincingly demonstrates, nothing looks better than artfully dishevelled, wind-blown hair.
If you don't have enough hair for Mother Nature to style, we recommend the sort of low-profile, long-billed cap that Ernest Hemingway used to favor (top). Quaker Marine has been making them since 1948. Their Original Swordfish model will give you the protection from the sun you need while steering you clear of captain's hats, which have been relegated to the style brig for decades now due to their popularity amongst 1970s-era nautical toolbags and screw-ups.
Q: Year long reader here. Thanks for all the tips. On to my question: What is up with www.wowcool.org? Prada sneakers for $40 with free shipping? True Religion jeans for $40.00? What gives? Usually when things are too good to be true they usually are. I know that you probably don't want to give this site any exposure by posting this on your blog but maybe you could e-mail me personally? --Nick
A: Wowcool.org is a Chinese site that sells counterfeit products. If you don't mind wearing clunky $40 Praba sneakers, this is the place to find them. If a company can't even manufacture a decent logo in Photoshop, do you really want to trust them to manufacture a pair of shoes?
Biased Cut's center back pleatQ: I am starting my internship this summer. What dress shirt colors do you recommend? And what type of patterns are acceptable and go well with which color? --Garvin
A: Garvin, it's sounds like you're not only new to the world of work, but maybe also new to the world of getting dressed. So we recommend that you keep things simple. Get a white shirt and a blue shirt. Either will go with any suit, tie, or pants you own.
If you're looking for specific recommendations, check out our custom shirt feature. While Chicago's Deo Veritas made our favorite shirt in Carolina Blue Gingham, don't venture into checks until you land a job. We've gotten great reader feedback on Biased Cut shirts and they make a basic white and basic blue. Theirs was the best-fitting shirt of the ones we reviewed, and they'll even send you a complimentary measuring tape if you don't have one to take your measurements. Just be sure you're OK with the central back pleat (which we like), and request a non-fused collar with 1/4" stitching.
Have that crease removed!Q: I'm going to a large picnic out of town and want to look my sharpest. I just bought a pair of blue and white seersucker slacks and a very sharp pair of navy suede loafers with a brass buckle on them. What I was wondering is, what kind of shirt should I wear to complete my summer themed look? --T.R.
A: T.R., the pants and the shoes aren't having an argument, but they're definitely carrying on a rather loud conversation. In this case the role of the shirt is to observe, quietly. Wear a simple white sport shirt with this outfit, like this slim-fit Theory option. The fabric's subtle lustre offers the desired texture contrast to the puckery seersucker and nappy suede.
A couple of other strong suggestions while you're on the line:
1. One way to make seersucker less Gregory Peck and more 21st century MB is to remove the crease. Assuming they're flat front (and they really need to be), simply staple a "no crease" note to a belt loop for the cleaner.
Q: I was just thinking about how Bryan Ferry hasn't ever popped up on this site (at least that I can remember)...I think he deserves a little more recognition than he gets for a few reasons:
1. His music is some of the best made in the 80s. Particularly with Roxy Music. Contemporary at the time but still classic despite the normal pitfalls of the era (very "80s" production, dependence on models gracing the album covers).
2. Impeccable style. Look at literally ANY photo of him. Perfectly rolled sleeves, check. Askew bowtie or loose necktie, check. Commitment to a classic hairstyle for 40 years, check.
3. Dated Amanda Lear, Jerry Hall (BEFORE Mick Jagger), married Lucy Helmore...
4. He's British.
Basically what we're talking about here is the Bond of Rock'n'roll. --Carter
A: We like the idea of a "Bond of rock 'n' roll" and appreciate the case you make for Ferry. There is, however, the little matter of this photo from 1972, which clearly suggests the influence he would eventually have on cultural icons as diverse as Wild at Heart-era Nic Cage, Ed Grimley, and Siegfried & Roy. That's a tough legacy to overcome, and to be honest, while we know he played a crucial role in synth-pop's evolution as aural tranquilizer, Avalon never made us feel all that comfortably numb. While a better candidate for the Bond of rock 'n' roll doesn't immediately come to mind, we're abstaining from voting for now.
Q: You seem to really like the aviator style for sunglasses. Do you consider them MB for eyeglasses as well? --John
A: Aviator frames without tinted lenses are like non-alcoholic beer or vegetarian Beefaroni -- they're missing the thing that makes the thing the thing! To illustrate our point, look at Bradley Cooper in tinted aviators (top) and GQ Style Editor Jim Moore in aviators with clear lenses. The former displays classic MB style. The latter, as we've observed in the past, looks like our high school algebra teacher. If you want to stay on the winning side of this equation, leave the clear aviators to Moore and Lumberg, mmm'kay?
14K gold buckle w/ two 1/4 karat diamonds via Clint Orms. $11600.00.Q: I recently picked up a silver Clint Orms "Trophy" buckle on vacation out west. In a room of Texan high-rollers you could call it understated, but I'm not sure how to pull it off in NYC without looking like a confused cowboy. Any suggestions? --Charles
A: Charles, we applaud your decision to get a Clint Orms trophy buckle. For those unfamiliar with Orms, he's a Texas-based silversmith and engraver known for his meticulously crafted belt buckles that along with silver incorporate gold, rubies, diamonds, sapphires, and emeralds. A single buckle may be constructed from as many as 200 different pieces, take 200 hours to make, and cost upwards of $20,000.
Always remember, though, that while a belt buckle in it simplest form is functional, a belt buckle that costs more than $20 is essentially male jewelry, and male jewelry involving precious metals and stones is typically an express train to Toolbagville. So restraint is crucial. Orms clearly gets this -- even at their most ornate, his trophy buckles display a sense of lavish understatement (see example, pictured).
The key to wearing them in NYC is to keep that principle in mind. First, we'd recommend going with a matte black/brown leather belt rather than lizard, alligator, or anything else with a lot of shine or texture. Second, keep everything else simple too: Unadulterated denim, canvas sneakers or sandals, and a well-worn tee or polo can work with an Orms trophy buckle. Never wear it with a suit. Never wear it with a shirt that has pearl snap buttons or Western-style stitching. Never wear it with a cowboy hat, a lariat, or cowboy boots -- which should be pretty easy since you should never wear a cowboy hat, a lariat, or cowboy boots in NYC anyhow.
Rugged twill MacAlister boots via J. Crew. $150.00.Q: When (if ever) is it acceptable to wear boots during summer? I'm getting tired of sneakers and flip flops already and it's only May. By the way, I live in Atlanta so it's damn near 100 degrees already with humidity through the roof. Boots just seem like TTH in the summer...what's the ruling? --Cody
A: You've heard of desert boots, no? In the desert, it's always summer, at least when it isn't freezing. What we're saying is, sure, wear boots. Nothing higher than your ankle, and nothing an Eskimo would consider practical. Not long ago, we told our readers to stick with the classic desert boots -- Clarks. They're the boots that British officers wore in WWII while fighting tank battles with Rommel in the North African desert in June of 1942. The action was so hot there that the battle was dubbed "the Cauldron." But let's face it -- taking Panzer fire from Nazis in the dry wastelands of Libya in mid-summer is one thing, but Atlanta humidity is another thing entirely. So if you're looking for something a little lighter than suede, try these J. Crew MacAlister boots, which approximate the look of the Clarks originals but are constructed out of cotton twill.
Q: I am going to a polo event on June 12th. I have not been to one. What to wear? Obviously weather plays a part in this, so let's assume it is 90 + degrees and sunny. I would love the detail for the outfit and sunglasses (total to spend $2500.00) and I have a great watch. I am more concerned with pant, shirt, jacket, and shoes. Thanks! --JJ
A: This may be your first polo match, but that doesn't mean everyone has to know. Follow the lead of Prince Harry, who has been there before, many times over, and go casual. Based on your budget, here's some specific pieces that will make you look like carefree royalty. (Caveat: Harry gets everything right from the neck down. His Maui Jim-style sunglasses should be left to the toolbag rabble.)
Q: I've been trying to find sunglasses like the ones John Lennon wore in this photo. Any suggestions? (Feel free to comment on how great they are as well.) --Zach
A: Imagine there are no designer sunglasses, Zach. It isn't hard to do...
In such a world, even millionaire rockstars wear "P3" frames issued by the government's nationalized healthcare program. And when it's sunny out, they slap on a pair "P4" clip-ons. This, at least, is what our glasses expert tells us Lennon is doing in that pic. While we're dubious about the common-man pretensions underlying the gesture, we can't argue with the aesthetic results. Done right, eyewear layering equals artful dishevelment. The key is to make sure your glasses don't match your clip-ons too closely. If you need more inspiration, see Woody Allen circa 1968.
Q: With baseball season under way, I've been looking around to add to my collection. I love vintage, understated quality and think I've found the fit with Red Jacket. What do you think? MB or minor league? http://www.redjacketclothing.com/ --AR
Q: I have a date with Olivia Palermo (she is on MTV's the City) this Friday. Since she is so into fashion I would like some advice from the pros on what I should wear. Thanks. --Jay
A: Since Palermo has been dating model Johannes Huebl for the last couple years, you've got your work cut out for you. Huebl has the casually stylish investment banker on the weekend look mastered, so we recommend that you counterprogram with this t-shirt from Reborn Couture, which parties in the front and in the back. If you can swing it by tomorrow night, also get the arm sleeve to achieve the full effect.
Q: I've been given a very large gift certificate (which cannot be converted to cash, so don't suggest that) for basically a free pair of Allen Edmonds shoes. Suggestions? I need a pair of black shoes to wear with suits. Thanks. --Chris
A: Next time tell your grandfather to just give you cash. But it's late spring and we're thirsty so let's turn lemons into lemonade.
If your gift certificate is indeed very large then this Cordovan blucher (in the more matte Black Shell, top) is the best shoe AE sells and will last a lifetime. For a slightly less generous gift, the best option is definitely the McAllister. These are classic, understated wing tips that have stood the test of time (first introduced in 1956). In our college days, we never got any gift certificates so had to make do with raiding dad's closet for the merlot version, which can be paired with denim or khaki and exposed ankles to great effect.
Bond, still in golf shoes after winning his match with GoldfingerQ: Dear MB: WTF? I bet James Bond never biked to work. Why don't you get back to doing what you do best, for example by telling me whether an MB can or should wear a blue seersucker jacket, and if so, with what pants. --Julian
A: We've seen all the movies -- in somecases dozens of times -- and don't recall any scenes where 007 is rolling along at 5 MPH for 30 minutes behind some toolbag in an Escalade with a "Freedom Isn't Free" bumper sticker. There's nothing magnificent about enduring traffic jams twice a day, which is why we endorse bike commuting in many situations.
Regarding the seersucker, if your blazer is cut more like J. Crew instead of J. Press, it would look great with denim, especially white. 'Tis the season.
Q: Is there any such thing as a casual, not-too-expensive, good-looking sport coat than can be worn with nice jeans (e.g. AG)? Something suitable for the warm months ahead. --Gabriel
A: There are three simple but inalienable commandments we observe when buying a casual blazer, and that makes finding one harder than you'd think:
1. Thou shalt be machine washable (and preferably machine dryable, too) 2. Thou shalt have two buttons 3. Thou shalt be free of shoulder-enhancing pads
Q: I'm looking for an MB watch that won't break the bank (I've got about $300 to spend). Show me what you got. --Gerard
A: Browse through our watch channel and you'll notice we're partial to military/military-inspired watches. They're simple, understated, affordable, proportional to most wrist sizes, and go with just about everything.
Our all-time favorite watch in this style is the Ollech & Wajs Kartargo ($399). If you can swing the extra $99 this is a fantastic watch. If not, look at this WWII vintage O & W with the Swiss ETA-2801 movement ($248). The automatic version is sold out and production of it has stopped. This manual version is still available in limited quantities. It requires daily winding but that's part of its charm. If you like what you see, act sooner rather than later, as it will sell out eventually too. With the spare change you can buy a strap or two, perhaps the the gray and black stripe "Bond strap" worn by Connery (with a Rolex Submariner) in Goldfinger.
Q: What do you think about cashmere pants for my girlfriend? What about for myself? --Kel
Loose-lipped hotel workers in Hawaii recently blabbed to the Daily Star that George Clooney won't go anywhere without his cashmere "security blanket." Say what you will about the fact that a 48-year-old man has a special blanket. George Clooney is one of the few people on earth who can get whatever he wants, whenever he wants it, and apparently what he wants is cashmere. If that's not an endorsement for the world's best fabric, we don't know what is.
We think cashmere should be a year-round part of everyone's wardrobe. So get your girl those pants. And get some for yourself while you're at it. But don't actually wear them until at least October. In the summer months, you want to limit your cashmere usage to blankets, lightweight sweaters, and golf club headcovers.
Q: Those Faded Glory sneakers you linked to today are ugly, if you're looking for plimsolls grab a couple from Urban Outfitters. Thirty dollars for two pairs isn't bad. --Nick
A: We are aware of the UO plimsolls, which we agree are cheap at $30 for two pairs. But our initial correspondent mentioned that plimsolls are widely available in his native England at only 5 quid -- or about U.S. $7.50 -- so we took it as a challenge to see if we could find something very close to that price here in America. At first, our theory was that Brits must provide nationalized plimsoll coverage, just like they do with their healthcare, and that there was no way we'd be able to find a pair so cheap here. Then, we spotted the Faded Glorys for $8. Score one for the free market.
We agree that the UO plimsolls generally look better than the Faded Glorys, especially the new more expensive chambray versions ($24 a pair).
But just as with the Faded Glorys, there are strings attached to these shoes that go beyond shoelaces. We mean their apparently awful stench. Here are some excerpts from UO customer reviews:
"It has a faulty smell that comes with it."
"I suggest just putting them in your basement or something for a day or two, just to deal with the smell."
"Even after they stop smelling, if you leave them on top of a shirt or something the shirt will smell like the rubber."
"The smell of the shoes when you get them is something horrid. but spray them down with axe or something and it may cover it up."
"They reeked of chemicals, and for a week they stained my socks a a light black."
"Over all, looks great--but it is not worth the headache (literally, the smell gave me headaches)."
We know there are some pretty delicate flowers who shop at UO, but we find the sheer number of comments alarming. If you have to quarantine your shoes in the basement for a week, if the smell of Axe represents a solution and not a grave problem of its own, these are warning signs. In fact, we've noticed that the models in UO catalogs are looking even paler, skinnier, and more sickly than usual, and now we think we know why.
Q: What do you think of a blazer with a hoodie? Like this Daniele Alessandrini in deep purple? Thanks.
--Alain
A: Alain, what we have here is the apparel equivalent of the Leno/O'Brien late night war. A blazer is designed to be outerwear. A hoodie is designed to be outerwear. But if they're both owned by the same torso, they can't each be outerwear at the same time. In this case, we say fire them both.
Q: I like the post on the shoes, Thanks. I was wondering, though, if you knew of a place to get super cheap plimsolls? When I lived in Britain, practically every store had white plimsolls for around 5 quid. Sure, they don't last long but for a fiver you could just get a shiny new pair. All of the plimsolls I have purchased on this side of the pond were about as durable and a lot more expensive. --Ian
A: In real life, we would never recommend spending less on your shoes than we spend on socks. We would also never recommend shopping at Walmart (unless you accessorize with a Nixon mask). But this is the Internet, so here goes. You can get a pair of Faded Glory sneakers from Walmart for $8, which, at current exchange rates is about 50p over 5 quid. Be careful. A reviewer writes: "I only wish they didn't put slippery canvas fabric on the bottom....Other than that, great shoes."
Q: You've touched on various cocktails and drinks of choice for MBs everywhere, but you have yet to mention The Magnificent Bastard champagne of choice for a special night with a Spectacular Bitch. What do you guys think? --Andre
A: Andre, we've previously covered this issue with our highly scientific champagne chart, and it applies to your outing with an SB. Take note: the more she skews towards the B side of the SB spectrum, pay closer attention to the x axis of our chart.
Q: Robert Downey Jr. has been on the cover of damn near every magazine this month sporting t-shirts by Alternative Apparel: www.alternativeapparel.com. Their clothes seem to follow MB principles, but I don't want the TH (Too Hollywood) look if I pick up a few. Thoughts? --Chris
A: On the cover of the May 2010 Men's Journal he's wearing the Eco-Grey aa1973 Eco-Heather Crew, and while it's not TH, is definitely TTH with ingredient complexity exceeding that of a Slim Jim. Plus we're not crazy about that chubby ringer tee collar on a non-ringer tee. But their other options look somewhat promising in our quest for The Perfect White T-shirt, especially The Dean Slub Crew.
Last week we had a shorts-with-shoes question and answered the first part. Now for some shoe suggestions.
First, some guidelines:
1.) Clear some room at the end of the bench for Chuck and Jack this summer. They'vebeenplayingnon-stopallyear and could use a breather.
2.) Sneakers that you plan to wear with shorts are one item where we give more leeway than we usually do to bright colors, patterns, and logos. Don't go crazy though. If Turtle from Entourage would wear it, you've probably gone too far.
3.) Sticking with white or gray is your best bet for picking a shoe that can work with a wide variety of shorts. (Important note: If you're a size 12 or over, do not go with an all-white shoe unless you're trying to pick up work as a clown at children's birthday parties.)
4.) If you're dying to incorporate red velour into your wardrobe, a pair of sneakers is the only place to do it.
If the world must have sleeveless t-shirts, we like to think that all those amputated sleeves go to some greater style purpose -- like adding a textural twist to classic gray plimsolls.
The sneaker scientists at the UK brand ShoeLab get the overdying just right on these. They look nicely faded and disheveled, but stop short of trying too hard.
The T56s offer timeless style. Our great-great-great-great-great-grandkids will be wearing these in 2210. In 2010, they're the shoes we reach for when we know the evening's going to involve some furious table tennis action.
"Leave your socks at home," the Superga website enthuses, because the interior of the 2750 feature finished inseams. We like that touch but we're not going to go that far. For all summer sneaker-wearing we recommend the Banana Republic no-show socks.
Williot is a Spanish brand that made its debut in the U.S. market last summer. If you want to look sporty but not athletic -- i.e., you aren't planning to do anything more strenuous than mixing cocktails by the pool -- these are a great choice.
Scottish brand with a golfing heritage, founded in 1874. Just like Scottish singer Susan Boyle, these plimsolls are built a little more solidly than many others on the market.
Why are we recommending these Chuck clones and not the real thing? Thanks to the hidden Air Nike technology hidden in the heel, they're one of the few Chuck-style shoes that you can play basketball in and not sentence your feet to a lifetime of Bill Walton-like pain. When your day involves anything more strenuous than a J. Crew photo shoot, wear these.
Designer Seishi Tanaka hand-draws the sketches for the TST line and it shows. This model leans toward the more athletic end of the athleisure shoe spectrum -- we think we could actually play some touch football in it -- but it has an organic quality not found in the hyper-engineered footwear of, say, Nike or Reebok.
If you want to add a Gallic touch to your Fourth of July barbecue, try these sneakers from Jean Paul Gaultier's shoe line, Pataugas. (You can pick up last year's slightly different model at yoox.com for only $89.)
Bradley Cooper in The A-Team, wearing Allyn Scura Legend sunglassesQ: We can all agree Wayfarers have peaked in popularity and aren't even a consideration for sunglasses this summer. Aviators are timeless, but not original. What's the recommendation to separate from the Wayfaring pack and be able to say in a few summers, "I've been wearing those for years." --Sean
A: If you own any Wayfarers, send them to a needy Third World celebrity. Even in the Risky Business era we never wore 'em, and never will. Aviators, on the other hand, are like black boots: every MB should have at least one pair in his wardrobe.
But if you're wanting to be out ahead of the trend curve -- and it sounds like you do -- put tinted lenses in a pair of horn-rimmed eyeglasses. Done most famously by Cary Grant in North By Northwest more than 50 years ago, and restared 5 years ago by Johnny Depp with his pair of vintage Tart Arnels, they're trending. See Robert Downey Jr. at the Oscars (in the Oliver Peoples Sheldrake), and Bradley Cooper in The A-Team, opening next month (in the Allyn Scura Legend). But skip the blue lenses for brown or green. They're TH (Too Hollywood), or just plain TTH.
But there are some good shorts out there, or at least one pair. We love the color, texture, and inseam length of these Obey Whalers, and we're pretty sure our tailor will be happy to excise the overly wordy logo tag for a six-pack of Schlitz. $58. (They fit true to size.)
We will address the footwear part of your question next week.
Q: I just bought an iPad and yeah it's smaller than my laptop but the only way I'm going to fit into my pocket is if I start wearing overalls all the time and that's not a commitment I'm ready to make. So please point me to something I can carry it around in that isn't going to look too much like a murse. --Dave
A: Dave, we actually prefer the overalls over the iPad, but it sounds like you're pleased with your purchase and spending most of your time playing iPad Scrabble. Otherwise, you'd know about Temple Bags' leather iPad case ($189), widely heralded on that outdated medium known as the web and currently available here.
Q: I love my girlfriend and everything she does or wears is sexy and beautiful. Except for one thing, she plucks her eyebrows so thin it makes her look like a surprised doll. I wish she would grow them out naturally, but I have no idea how to tell her -- plus I don't think an MB would ever try to correct his girl's appearance. But the eyebrows are making me crazy -- I was even thinking of taking her camping for three weeks just to force them out. What can I do?
--Lee
A: Lee, first off, thanks for entrusting us with your love life -- we are always surprised at how few people seem to think a men's style website is the most appropriate venue for solving tricky relationship problems.
In any case, our first thought is that we generally prefer cat-like women: graceful, inscrutable, with fastidious grooming habits. But we agree that plucked, or at least overplucked, eyebrows take fastidious grooming one step too far.
So here's what we suggest you do. Casually browse through one of your girlfriend's old photo albums, tell her how cute she looks, etc. When you find a photo from her pre-plucking years, ramp up the praise even more: "Oh my God, look at you. Those eyebrows. You look like Brooke Shields!" Don't overdo it or she'll get suspicious. Just the one comment and move on to some other subject. Now, the seed has been planted. If your girlfriend fails to take action, that's a clear sign she'd prefer to look like Divine than Brooke Shields. In which case you have our deepest sympathies.
Q: Indochino, whom you reviewed in your Custom Shirt Reviews feature, just launched a line of made-to-measure linen suits called the Linen Collection. They claim that "the words sharp and crisp are new adjectives to associate with the fair weather suiting staple renowned for wrinkles. But we've found the perfect sturdy linen, still lightweight and soft, that maintains professional standards throughout the day with a blend of silk for sheen and tight weaves for structure." Worth a look or too good to be true? --Pete
A: Pete, given our own experiences with linen, we think it's probably easier to discover a cure for cancer than it is to create "sharp and crisp" linen. On the other hand, we live in a miraculous age. We would've never bet that our top scientists could create a wrinkle-free Joan Rivers, and yet look at her. She's sharp and crisp, with a nice silky sheen that's totally appropriate for fair weather suiting. So maybe Indochino has pulled off something similar. If they have, we applaud them -- and hope they start in on cancer soon.
Q: Looks like Kenneth Cole finally checked out your shoe pointiness chart. What do you think of these and what would you recommend in a basic black everyday dress shoe? --Matt
A: Kenneth Cole has definitely taken a roundover bit to a lot of his footwear, but he's still missing the MB mark by a mile. These are too shiny and too clunky for you to wear, Matt. One of our favorite pair of black everyday dress shoes is the discontined Camper Dni, now available only at a German web site Herren Ausstattler for €145. Our freshman German is a little rusty, so we're not even sure if they ship to the U.S. If they don't we recommend these Prada leather loafers. Yeah, they're $460, but trust us that you'll love them, and for an everyday shoe you love, and look this good, $460 is a value. And Saks will throw in free shipping with code SHIPFREE2!
Warby Parker Huxley in Light Tortoise via Warby Parker. $95.00.Q: What's up with Warby Parker? There has been lots of love for them in a few big name fashion magazines, and after crunching my last pair of glasses on a treadmill I'm looking for a cheaper alternative to some of the $250 designer frames at Lenscrafters. Trust me, I felt it in my wallet when the pair or Burberrys I was wearing went underfoot. Anyway to the point, are they MB? Are they quality? Is it a better option than Lenscrafters? --Dennis
A: Dennis, we were tipped off to Warby Parker last month and remain intrigued. Deadstock from Allyn Scura is still our recommendation. Why get vintage-inspired when you can have real vintage? But WP's "home try-on" is irresistable: They'll send you up to five pairs of glasses for a week with a pre-paid return shipping label. Give it a shot and let us know what you think.
Q: With spring well underway, it seems an appropriate to engage in the time-honored game of "ID the sunglasses" -- Jon Hamm sports these, in my opinion, to great effect. They seem to offer the wearer UV protection along with hiding a gentleman's lusty glances from pesky wives or mistresses who may be lurking around. What are they, and are my MB instincts correct? --Andrew
A: Don Draper's sunglasses are Randolph Engineering aviators, of course, and have made numerous appearances on the big screen, too, most famously on Travis Bickle (Robert De Niro) in Taxi Driver and Lieutenant Colonel Bill Kilgore (Robert Duvall) in Apocalypse Now. Most of Mad Men style is on the wrong side of the trend curve, but Randolph aviators are as timeless as daytime drinking and womanizing. Get 'em here.
Q: I'm in between jobs right now, so I've been taking time to work out and run every day. With the weather warming up I've been wondering if it's okay to jog shirtless yet. How warm does it have to be, or how in shape must I be, to justify this? --Mike
A: Mike, you should never jog shirtless. If you have some extra chub, shirtless jogging is a violation of common courtesy -- no one should be subjected to seeing all that giggle while they're taking their dog for a walk.
On the other hand, even if you look like The Situation on steroids (yes, we know that's probably redundant), shirtless jogging is a violation of the MB principle of understatement. We recommend a simple, logo-less tank-top, preferably nothing synthetic or resembling that of a true professional.
Aiden Turner introduces dress henleyQ: I never watch Dancing With the Stars, but last night as I walked by the TV, I saw an interesting shirt being worn on the show. I was wondering what kind it is. I believe it's got a henley collar, but it looks like a dress shirt otherwise. What is it? and what are the MB's thoughts on it? --Scott
A: Scott, your experience shows why it's a good idea to simply turn off your TV at least fifteen minutes before Dancing With the Stars starts airing. It couldn't hurt to actually pull your TV's plug from the outlet too.
Can you see where we're going with this? In 2007, we noted Banana Republic's efforts to push receding collars on the world, and predicted this trend's dreaded end-point: the dress henley. We were joking, because the idea of a dress shirt with no collar at all -- a completely bald dress shirt -- is not just aesthetically bad but also an affront to logic. How can a dress shirt be a dress shirt if it lacks the infrastructure to support a tie?
Never underestimate the power of an awful idea. Three years later, we've got dress henleys. The signature shirt of soap opera stars who cry when getting eliminated from reality dancing shows. Avoid.
J. Crew suit / Alexander West ginghamQ: This J. Crew cotton suit.
Can I wear that with a blue gingham shirt, or are the subtle stripes going to give me problems? Also, brown loafers and a gray flannel tie. --Jason
A: Yes you can. Just make sure the check on the gingham is 3/16" at an absolute minumum, and even a little bigger would be better to further quiet the suit's stripes. The shirt is the star of this show. Save the flannel tie for pairing with a fine-whale corduroy suit this fall. Instead try a gray knit or linen-cotton blend; either will provide the texture you're looking for.
Q: Love the site, I check it on a daily basis. I wanted to weigh in on the whole helmet/scooter issue. I live in Paris and drive a Vespa Gran Turismo, and I just bought this helmet, which I thought you would like. Let me know if you think I made a mistake. The most popular helmets in Paris are Ruby (http://boutiqueruby.com/?lang=eng#/main) but I am not sure about wearing a 1000€ helmet with a picture of Karl Lagerfeld kissing it. --Tonio
A: Tonio, you definitely did not make a mistake. But even at more than twice the price, don't dismiss that Ruby. It's limited edition (100), by being covered in tweed makes for desirably nubby fall/winter head protection, and it's unlikely Lagerfeld will be kissing it while you're tooling around the Marais.
Q: I have purchased the ingredients to make a Magnificent Bastard, but confused about the instructions requiring a mixing glass filled with ice. Why do you mix in an ice-filled glass, then move it to another ice filled glass? --Greg
A: Greg, you say you bought the booze an MB requires, so we're assuming that you're 21 or older -- but are you new to cocktails?
We're talking about a glass shaker here, not any old glass. As The Fine Art of Mixing Drinks author David Embury explains, metal is a better conductor of heat than glass, so you will drink less diluted cocktails if you use a glass shaker.
Bell Bandito via bellhelmets.com. $39.95.Q: I'm going to be getting a scooter soon, hopefully. It'll be a four stroke Stella from Genuine Scooters -- retro sexy and good for the environment. My question is, what kind of helmet should I get? I definitely don't want something full face covering. I was looking at Davida's "Classic" helmet line, but those are not approved for driving on US roads apparently. But what else could match a ride this amazing?
--Mark
A: Nice choice, Mark. That Stella is so well-designed (especially if you are getting it in green) that we can totally forgive its practicality and environmental friendliness (and the fact that Genuine Scooters refers to green as "avocado"). You are headed in the right direction on helmet choice too. Ultimately, you're piloting a scooter, not a rocket ship, so the less helmet, the better. That's why we like the Bell Bandito. It's simple, streamlined, and it will let you feel the wind against your face and your ears.
Why are Earth's polo shirt logos morphing into giant mutant cartoons? Am I in any danger? --Owen
Owen, we assume you're talking about Lacoste's oversized reptiles and Ralph Lauren's iconic equestrian, which in recent years has grown bigger than most real-life jockeys.
In the case of Lacoste, as long you don't mind looking like the world's biggest three-year-old, there is no real danger. Ralph Lauren, on the other hand, has essentially created the preppy version of Ed Hardy shirts with his Big Pony and Rugby lines. If you ask us, one giant logo per polo shirt is one too many. Clutter things up with stripes, patches, flags, and other Anglophilic flair (TTH edition) and you've got a look that shouts "Muffy says no penilingus unless we rent in Sagaponack, but my heart is at the Jersey Shore." Keep your distance from these things -- second-hand toolbagism is a very real possibility.
A: This season J. Crew doubled down on gingham shirts, with loads of casual options to choose from for $59.50. And nice. For $25 more -- still less than typical custom shirt prices -- we definitely recommend looking at the Deo Veritas gingham (pictured). It's custom made to your measurements and collar/cuff/pocket/placket specifications, and by choosing the sewn (vs. fused) collar you're getting a dress shirt that can moonlight as a first-rate casual shirt.
Ed. note: For gingham enthusiasts with thicker wallets than Mark, check out Alexander West (and see our review, too). No fewer than 18 different ginghams to choose from, and if you ask nicely, CEO/founder Alex Yoo will make your shirt with a sewn collar, and you can choose the thickness of the interlining.
Q: No comments about Tiger's Nike sunglasses at the Masters? I hope they enhanced his game, because they did nothing for his already lacking MB-ness. --Nate
We know Woods spent the last few months in sex rehab, but based on his appearance at the Masters, we're wondering about the cure. To our eye, it looks like his therapists have simply stuck a pair of super-dark blind-guy glasses on him in the hope that they will prevent him from spotting trashy blonde blabbermouths in the gallery. And fed him a lot of donuts. On the bright side, he's wearing a collared shirt. And every day you can stay off the mock turtlenecks is a good day.
Q: I am moving into the city (Washington DC) and am looking for a bike to get to and from work and around the city in general. I found Bowery Lane Bicycles (http://www.bowerylanebicycles.com/). What do you think, do they make the MB grade? --Spencer
A: Spencer, we are intrigued by these bikes, especially given their price. A handmade steel frame by an American builder for less than $1000 is virtually unheard of. A complete bike with a handmade steel frame, for just $695, almost sounds too good to be true. Granted, Bowery Lane is not making these things in custom sizes (which is one reason handmade frames tend to cost as much as they do), but we'd still want to look at them in person before recommending them. (While we might endorse, say, a cashmere sweater without ever laying hands on it, we’re not depending on a cashmere sweater to keep us relatively safe in the midst of rush-hour traffic.)
That said, we like the idea that you can get something that echoes the style of a Pashley Guv'nor or a Retrovelo at a price that won't leave you reluctant to let it out of your sight. We're not crazy about the old-timey names and imagery on the web site, but we do like the visible brazing and clear-coated steel tubes of the Broncks Raw -- it's basically the artfully dishevelled version of a bike. It's at least worth a test ride.
Q: I've got a school reunion this coming weekend. +25 years on. I'm not holding out any hope of this being any good at all but what should I wear? Should I go '80s ironic with the old school tie or just go MB? --Matt
A: Wait, going MB is your backup plan to wearing a tie that you've been mothballing since the Reagan administration? Unless your real name is Angus Young, this makes no sense whatsoever. Vintage neckwear or not, you and your classmates will all start to behave exactly like your old school selves within fifteen minutes anyway -- so you might as well look like an accomplished adult for at least fifteen minutes, right?
I am a large fan of your well placed words of wisdom, and I'd like to pick your mind momentarily and add to a question that was recently asked of you pertaining to suits with sneakers. On March 18th, John Stewart of The Daily Showwas revealed to be wearing white deck shoes with his ensemble. I thought he rocked it, but I decided to seek sounder minds. What do you think? --Colin
A: Colin, If you're going to wear white sneakers with a suit, don't grab one from Jon Stewart's closet. The suit he's wearing is too dark, too baggy, and too Men's Wearhouse Business Generic to combine with anything but black Florsheims, and white sneakers are a particularly bad choice for it. At first we thought he was wearing socks.
If you want to combine white sneakers with a suit, follow Will Arnett's lead and choose something casual, fitted, and not too dark.
UPDATE: Many readers have written in to inform us that the sneakers Jon Stewart are wearing are essentially part of a Glenn Beck costume and thus worn in the name of comedy. Our knowledge of Beck and his typical shoewear choices is limited, but if he is in the habit of pairing baggy navy suits with sneakers so white it looks like he's been standing in a vat of vanilla ice cream all morning, then our criticisms of Stewart may be applied to Beck instead.
Q: As light jacket season is upon us in the Midwest I have seen several poorly plagiarized examples of the classic British Harrington jacket. I was hoping you could say a few words about the merits of purchasing the genuine article: the Baracuta G9 Harrington (preferably slim fit). Unlike many readers of this fine blog, I do not need to ask whether this is MB, as it simply is. But I think it is important to highlight a company that still makes many of its garments in England and has never strayed from its core business. This classic will never go out of style. --Steven
A: Steven, not much to add here, except that Steve McQueen is combining Persols with his Baracuta. No doubt one of the "poorly plagiarized" examples you mention refers to the $109 L.L. Bean "Signature" Canvas Jacket we recommended to our dads a couple of weeks ago. (Hey, their 401Ks are in the tank.)
We agree. If you're going to own this jacket, get the real McCoy.
James Dean, displaying his feelings toward sleeve tabsQ: Great site. Some woven shirts have a tab on the sleeves so you can button them up after you roll them up. Does this violate the principle of artful dishevelment? --Jim
American Alligator Change Base via shopmulholland.com. $650.00.Q: You guys give great advice on style, however I have a question on a different kind of style. Office style, as in decorating your office so it is sufficiently MB. I got a new job recently and need to make my cube mine (cube is not MB I'm sure, but I'm early in my career). I have a good hookup on Mulholland Brothers items, so I'm thinking of putting a few of their products in to get away from the grey. Any suggestions? --Chase
Chase, Mulholland Brothers makes nice stuff, and unless it's nailed down it's going to fly out of the office faster than yellow highlighters and Swingline staplers. And you don't really want to be known as the guy who locks up his change base every night, do you?
We're no experts on cube customization, but our instinct is to un-customize it as much as possible -- no photos, no calendars, no nothing. The message you want to send is that you're not staying long.
Q: MB: I'm distinctly lacking in the "sweet hat" department of my wardrobe, and have always been a fan of fedoras. Unfortunately, I'm a poor-as-dirt college student, and the Eugenia Kim beaver fedora you recommended at one point, as much as I like it, totals to about a third of my monthly budget. Got any cheaper alternatives that get the MB stamp of approval for an aspiring MB on a (tight) budget? --Tom
A: Unless you're attending the University of Antarctica, you are not going to want that Eugenia Kim hat this time of year anyway. Seasonally inappropriate. The calendar dictates embracing fedoras made of cooling, breathable straw, and the principle of artful dishevelment dictates choosing one that may actually look better if, say, Laetitia Casta accidentally sat on it for a moment. You want something with a little give.
From most to least expensive, here are four really good options.
Gant Rugger Popover ShirtIn the latest Details, they endorse the "popover," aka a dress shirt will a polo-like button collar instead of a full button front. I quote: "An oxford with half the buttons, it's pulled together but casual. The best part: You never have to tuck it in." I am thinking probably not but wanted to get a second opinion. Your verdict? --Greg
A: If you are a railroad conductor on a train that maintains a semi-formal dress code and can't find a job anywhere else, okay. Otherwise, no. They look like night-shirts to us, plus they wreak havoc on the natural shirt-making eco-system. Button-makers have kids to feed too!
Q: Summer is coming around and out here in the desert (Phoenix, AZ), it gets pretty hot. Especially when standing in the sun. In hopes of staying as cool as possible, I'm looking at buying a Panama hat. They are a classic and seem suitable for desert wear during the summer. --LT
A: This hat was invented in Ecuador which, as you might suspect, is at the equator. For every degree one travels either N or S latitude from 0° -- up to 30° max -- the less it works.
Sean Connery definitely rocks the Panama in that ubiquitous Louis Vuitton ad, primarily because a.) he's Sean Connery, and b.) it was shot in the Bahamas (24°). So stick to the 30° degree rule, unless you wake up one day and find that you have somehow turned into a pimp from the 1970s.
Q: Can you identify these sunglasses worn by Johnny Depp in the movie Blow? I've not been able to find any leads. Thanks. --Rick
A: There were a handful of companies that marketed this aluminum frame in the '70s. The ones Depp is wearing are called the "Fast Back." They were pre-fabricated sunglasses with not very good lenses. As you can kind-of see (bottom pic), there are no openings in the frames to install a lens (typically metal frames open somewhere and are reattached with a screw). Replacing these lenses require what's called "cold popping," i.e., it's forced in. It may be OK for a sunglass non-corrective lens but may be tricky to "cold pop" certain Rx lenses.
If you'd like to buy a pair, our friends at allyn scura are ready to take your order.
Q: Looks like ol' Leon Leonwood Bean has teamed up with Alex Carleton, a designer with an MB-endorsed pedigree, and launched the new L.L. Bean Signature line today. I'm sure you've seen the hype in the magazines and on the world wide internerd as nothing seems to escape your discriminating gaze. Here is my two parter. 1) Is the L.L. Bean signature line bastardly, magnificent, or both in any way, shape, or form? 2) If so which pieces should an aspiring MB spring for? --Bub
A: Bub, in form, the Signature line certainly represents a departure from L.L. Bean's traditional products, which generally feature the tailored fit of a dropcloth.
Indeed, our dads, who are the only people we know who shop at L.L. Bean, are going to have to go on a diet. Signature features fitted shirts and low-rise pants, and frankly, if you've seen our dads, you know that's not going to work unless they drop a few pounds. They're going to look great in the Canvas Jacket, but we're going to pass ourselves. We prefer Carleton's work when he's not being haunted by the ghost of mail order past.
Giant Gingham Boardshorts via parkeandronen.com. $98.00.Q: What are the MB's thoughts on parke and ronen swimwear? Now that summer is quickly approaching I'm looking for new poolside/lakeside options. --Kyle
A: Parke and Ronen swimwear is only recommended if you've spent the winter doing crunches and dining on steamed steroids. But if you can wear them and still look straight, every woman within eyeshot will be easy prey.
Q: Sneakers with suit...what's the MB take? I know the Prada sport line is great as are most Sabelt, but what about Adidas Samba or similar? --Brooke
A: Great question. The closer you get to a footwear brand's "originals" the harder it is to pull off (and risk looking like you're TTH). Lots of guys can wear Puma Sport Fashion with a cool, casual suit. But are you up to combining that suit with Puma Suedes?
In the May 2009 GQ Will Arnett clearly made classic Adidas Rod Lavers work with a $100 cotton H&M suit (left). The comparatively schlubby Jason Segel did the same with Chuck Taylors on the red carpet in 2008's Forgetting Sarah Marshall (right). So what can be learned?
* Only attempt with slimmer, casual suits
* Wear flat front, and preferably un-creased pants
* Pair with a polo or artfully disheveled woven
* Occasionally do a little dancing and hand gesturing
Thanks for the tip on How to Make it in America, I'm really enjoying it. Any idea where to find a jacket similar to the grey one Ben wears in the first episode? --Sean S.
A: The tip on HTMIIA came from fellow reader Sean Z. The jacket you refer to has a very Varvatos-esque vibe, and he showed up in Episode 2. It will be tough to find anything in herringbone tweed this time of year, but if you're looking for a similar silhouette for spring and have a grand, try this John Varvatos convertible jacket. Neiman Marcus will even throw in free shipping.
Q: Man, I'm looking at that magnificent bastardly (bastardly magnificent?) banner, and I just don't get it. What is that woman doing? Why is that man touching his crotch? Where can I get that coat he's wearing? And why is that dog staring into my soul? It doesn't make any sense. --Michael
A: Answers: a.) The woman is trying to seduce the MB, albeit unsuccessfully; b.) He is holding a drink; c.) Burberry, Spring 2007; d.) We asked the dog, but so far she's mum.
Q: Being a younger MB in training (think college) whenever I'm around my mom she bitches about how wrinkled my shirts are, no matter how pressed they are. Now, please don't mock me too much for mommy problems, but I want your take. Are wrinkles ever appropriate? --Tyler
Do you think Rose Kennedy got on John's case for wearing this shirt on the beaches of Hyannis Port? Unlikely, probably because a.) she had like 7 or 8 other kids to deal with, and b.) JFK knew to enough to tell his maid to pull that woven out of the dryer right before the timer ended, easily achieving the precise amount and depth of rumple.
Q: I am about to purchase this J. Peterman bag on sale at $298. Do you think it looks MB? It's the 1928 Air Corps Briefcase? --Andre
A: In the old days, briefcases were basically desks that you carried around on a leash, and there was a genuine need for all their various compartments, straps, buckles, and such. Now? There's no reason for all that stuff -- they're Snuggies for your laptop. While we typically endorse a senseless lack of utility here, that's not quite the same thing as decor posing as functionality. Unless you're an archaelogist moonlighting as an office supplies salesperson, we say go with something simpler and definitely less shiny, like this messenger bag by John Varvatos.
Indochino 'Essential Charcoal Suit' via Indochino. $349.00.Q: What should I wear to a wedding? I don't want to do the classic black dinner suit and white shirt. I'm partnered to a new GF and want to impress everyone there. --Jason
A: Jason, we understand and applaud your desire to set yourself apart from the pack. At the same time, you don't want to be the person who shows up at someone else's wedding determined to be the center of attention -- someone's crazy drunken aunt will be there to fulfill that function. Thus, we recommend a simple, expertly tailored charcoal suit. Indochino's made-to-measure Essential Charcoal Suit is definitely worth a look and it's just $349.
If you're a little more flush, we are really liking Brooklyn Tailors' bespoke charcoal suit, handmade by artisans in New York, NY. It costs $975, but its genuine horsehair construction and custom fit should see you through weddings, job interviews, and, when that sad day finally arrives, your own funeral. (Not to get too maudlin here -- we're just saying this thing is built to last and will still look great in, say, 2070.)
Q: I need your help with the issue of cuffed/rolled up jeans. I see it around a lot and admit to liking the look. Is it MB? If so, what type of jeans are ideal? How wide of a cuff? A single roll or two? --Jeff
A: Unless you're flying through the air on a motorcycle at at least 70 MPH, cuffing can be extremely dangerous. Thus, we pretty much only do it when it's at least 70 degrees outside and we're within walking distance of a major body of water.
Q: Hey guys: I am really liking the Allyn Scura site a lot - thanks for the tip about the Apollos. Could you give a recommondation about a style and color/colors that you like in the sunglass section?
Love the site. --Tim
A: Tim, without knowing a little more about your style, it's a little like asking us what kind of car to buy. However, one thing even capitalists and communists can agree on: A pair of tortoiseshell sunglasses with a nice, substantial frame never go out of style. And Allyn Scura has a pair that can make you look like a Greek shipping magnate without having to divert too many funds from your socialized healthcare program. They're $40.
(From top: Aristotle Onassis, Fidel Castro, Sant'Angelo II 907.)
MB-endorsed paint chipQ: I'm a college student and am moving into a house with 4 roommates June. We like to think we're a bastardly bunch. As we approach the move in painting the interior to fit our MB lifestyle has come up as topic of discussion. What colors would your recommend painting the house in order to have people walk in and say to themselves "These boys have class"? Please help. --Thoroughly Perplexed
A: Walls: Benjamin Moore Regal Latex. White N221 01. Matte finish (even in baths and kitchen).
Trim: Benjamin Moore Satin Impervo Alkyd Low Lustre Enamel. White C235 01.
Topic: MB approved bags for bicycling. According to my girlfriend all backpacks are nerdy though they are ok for actual backpacking. So I'm looking for a magnificent, somewhat practical and non-bikecourierlooking bike bag... Any tips?
Greetings from snow buried Estonia,
Siim Teller
A: Hello Siim,
While many cyclists prefer to let their bikes carry the load, we have no problem throwing on a backpack when doing our part to save the environment from one more godawful Prius. We also favor a traditional backpack design over a messenger bag. Minimalism has its place, but not when our latissimus dorsi is involved, and two straps are better than one.
That said, the most comfortable backpacks tend to involve a little too much cordura and Oakleyesque styling for our liking -- we prefer the more archaic approach of this Pendleton/Opening Ceremony bag, which, while lacking the padding of some more contemporary designs, completely alleviates the psychological pain that comes with knowing you have chosen to sacrifice style for comfort. No one will ever accuse you of that while wearing this.
In the event that you are looking for a one-strap solution, we recommend the Minnehaha Canvas Shoulder Bag. Made of natural materials, designed by people who ride bikes in the snow; we think it will look great in Estonia.
Canvas chino blazer via Lands' End. $69.50.Q: Lands' End has started a line called Canvas, and it looks like they're trying to corner the more bastardly market. What do you think - are they TTH? --Jordan
A: Thanks for the tip, Jordan. We took a look, and while inexpensive, any reasonable person would agree Canvas all looks a little too Lands' End-y. Except for the chino blazer, which is sticking out like a stylish, artfully disheveled sore thumb. 2 buttons, shirt shoulder, patch pockets, functional buttonholes, machine washable, and $69.50. If it's anywhere near what it looks like on paper, we'll get one in khaki and navy.
UPDATE: The blazer shown has 3 buttons, not 2 as described on the Lands' End web site. The sleeves are also the equivalent of a S. If you are a R or L, they will be too short. This was a return.
Q: What's MB's stance on chest hair grooming? Obviously a shaved chest is unacceptable but chest hair run rampant seems less than magnificent. I tend to trim mine short using a buzzer but this seems like the most favorable alternative to an unbecoming chest. Any suggestions would be appreciated. --Brandon
A: Not to hedge, but this all depends on the amount and type of chest hair growth. The 40 Year-Old Virgin clearly needed to "wax that Teen Wolf thing right out," as his pal Jay rightly put it. Besides wearing film's best-looking suit, Cary Grant also sports one of film's best-looking, artfully disheveled chests in North by Northwest. (Incidentally, he's 55 years old in this picture.) If you just have a few unsightly stragglers poking out from around your nipples, go for the laser. It hurts like wax but after a few treatments they're gone forever, and you're ready for a Dolce & Gabbana shoot.
Q: Shockingly you have never mentioned anything about your stance on earrings. I wear a very small silver hoop in my left ear and I consider myself to be moderately MB. My hot PhD wife certainly finds it sexy. What do you think? --Mark
A: Sorry, Mark, here at Magnificent Bastard we think of earrings, even relatively understated ones like you describe, as a gateway drug to a spot on the next season of Jersey Shore. First comes the hoop earring, next comes Pauly D's blowout hairstyle.
Q: I am making a transition in my career to the position of a restaurant manager. I find myself wondering what my options are for shoes with rubber soles that look sharp, last a long time, and won't break my heart, or the bank, if they have food or drink spilled on them. Keeping in mind that I'll be on my feet for upwards of 10 hours a day, what do you recommend? --Wasabi Chimp
A: WC, you are asking us to be really practical, and we hate being practical. However, if we ever find ourselves dining in the restaurant you manage, we don't want you spitting in our food. So here goes: Cole Haan Air Obori Oxfords. They're almost as sleek as a pair of Tods, we suspect they're just as comfortable as Crocs (though we'll never actually try on a pair of Crocs to test this theory), they have rubber soles per your request, and they're on sale at Amazon for only $99.
A: The Canadians are as good at outerwear as they are at hockey. Er, they're really good at outerwear!
Canada Goose is great as long as you choose wisely. Because their stuff is engineered for arctic conditions, it can quickly make you look like the Michelin Man. Also be wary of the logo patch, which especially if you're the gentle, caring type, will quickly have people mistaking you for a volunteer waterfowl rescuer.
Our favorite from last season was the Calgary, but good luck finding one.
Q: I was shopping around in Toronto recently, and as I was looking around for a new set of jeans I stumbled upon Naked and Famous jeans (http://www.nakedandfamousdenim.com/). I really liked the quality feel, and the basic appearance, but they do seem to have a thing for skinnier fits. The jeans are made in an old-style denim machine, and are made out of fine Japanese denim. I thought they seemed MB-esque. What do you think? --Matt
A: There is definitely a lot to like about Naked and Famous. Like you say, they're made from quality materials, they're cleanly designed, and one version even contains 8% cashmere (and an MB can never be ensconced in too much cashmere). It's the fits we have a problem with. Perhaps they just need taller models, but the Slim Guy is unflattering (top), and The Skinny Guy should just be left to The Skinny Girl (bottom).
Q: Where does gardening fall on the scale of magnificent bastardom? Specifically, the desire to dig in dirt, tend, watch, and enjoy growing your own fruits and vegetables and the occasional flowering plant (and yes, even more butch plants like arbor vitae). --Andy
A: Gardening has some theoretical virtues. The English love it, it involves primarily natural materials, it presupposes land ownership. But we have trouble getting past the clogs, which are basically Crocs for land-lubbers. And our manicurist, who is frankly a bit of an underachiever, hates it when we come in with dirt under our fingernails. Thus we prefer agriculture on a larger, noisier scale -- anything, in short, that gives us a chance to operate a chainsaw, threshing machine, or drag harrow.
But knowing linen's terrible tendency to wrinkle (these are 53% linen) I'm prevented from clicking the buy button for fear of looking like I've cruelly robbed the trousers straight off the legs of a style-conscious hobo.
No less a figure than H.P. Lovecraft is reputed to have discovered a long forgotten fabric treatment that prevented linen from wrinkling, however the side-effects were horrendous...
So, failing the precise execution of a Lovecraftian material trans-mutation ceremony enacted in the tomb of an Egyptian Pharaoh; 53% linen fabric OK, or not OK? --Tadgh
A: Despite our extreme prejudice against 100% linen, linen blends can work. In general, we prefer that whatever material the linen is being blended with retain at least a 51% ownership stake, so you're tempting fate with those particular pants. But if you're feeling lucky, go for it.
Q: I'm headed to the beaches of Mexico and my wife has put her foot down on knee length surfer-dude shorts. I'm in reasonable shape for a 40 year old but I'm not quite ready to don the James Bond short shorts. What do you recommend in a mid-thigh model? --Matt
A: Anglophilia definitely has its limits, especially as the inseam approaches zero (top). While at the other end of the inseam spectrum, we're with your wife about not looking like The Situation and Pauly D. (Note to The Situation: give the biceps a rest and work those anemic calves.)
If an MB is in reasonable shape, even at your advanced age, our general rule is to go with the shortest inseam you can wear with confidence. With the right cut they're not only comfy but allow room for a few extra cervezas -- and they put you many miles away from Jersey Shore. Our perennial favorite is Penguin, like this 5" inseam caviar/light blue "Mr. Splash" option that gives a nod, however slight, to Mr. Bond.
Note: Original Penguin is one of the brands on sale at Giltman.com today. We consider this a sign.
Q: Aspiring to become MB in all aspects of conduct, I have formulated a question for you: What is the proper way to cross your legs out in public? Ankle on knee, leg over knee, or no cross at all? Thanks! --Ryan
A: Ryan, there is no single correct answer to this. Mark Twain was a leg-over-knee man. James Dean never crossed. Both were magnificent sitters!
We recommend that you adopt whatever position you personally find most comfortable. When you're most at ease, you're most likely to project an air of natural, casual confidence, and that's what you're after. If you do end up doing some variation on crossing, though, make sure whatever socks you're wearing cost at least as much as a neat measure of single malt. And take a yoga class every now and then.
Q: Hey - my girlfriend's birthday is coming up and I'm a pretty cheap bastard. How much should I shell out for a handbag and how do I know (other than asking her friends) which one is appropriate/good - as they all the mid-range bags look pretty tacky to me. --Hamish
A: Hamish, you sound pretty committed to the notion that you're a cheap bastard, so it's probably best to find out sooner rather than later if your girlfriend is equally at ease with this fact. Test her out with this Hollywood Intuition bag from Target, designed by Jane Hersh, who owns celeb-fave Intuition in LA. It's $27.
Minimal - Wash Brown via MAKR CARRY GOODS. $65.00.Q: I just got a wallet by MAKR carry goods. Originally recommended by GQ. Are these MB? They fit most criteria: obscure (though not so much now that they've been featured by GQ), made of natural materials, exclusive (they're made by hand in very limited numbers, and currently they're is a many month wait for any of their limited collection), have no visible labels, and they're largely impractical as they're too small to carry more than three cards and an I.D. The only thing they're missing is a pedigree. --Ben
A: Ben, your instincts are good. MAKR is new to us, but we love what we see. Their "minimal" line is where we've ended up after years of carrying wallets. Try it and you won't go back. What do you really need? We'll tell you: your driver's license, one credit card, cash. Why ruin the clean lines of your AG jeans with proof of insurance and a Ralphs value club card?
(Note: For you highly evolved types who think a cow's natural purpose in life does not involve being turned into hamburgers and menswear accessories, try Malcolm Fontier's excellent polyurethane Mojito with two pockets, one for cards, the other for cash. $25.)
The MB-endorsed wedding ringQ: I know it's totally un-MB of me to decide to get married, but I am wondering what is the most MB wedding ring for a guy to wear. I see so many of these thick tungsten bands around that look like a washer from a car or something. What is an MB to do? --Alex
Q: Are Stacy Adams Madison shoes sufficiently MB? They are the nicest, hardest wearing $100 shoes I can find. --Brian
A: These shoes have a very devoted following, and those customers young enough to use a computer rate them very highly at zappos.com. But they're the Ford Taurus of dress shoes. I.e., no one's ever going to look twice in a bad way if you're wearing them. But no one's going to look twice in a good way either.
Q: I was looking for a place to buy a pair of sunglasses like the ones that the character Tony D'Annunzio from Caddyshack wears to the pool. I saw you put them as an example in one of your answers but I can't seem to find where I could buy a pair, or something like them and I was wondering if you knew of a place? --James
A: Was Tony D'Annunzio The Situation before The Situation?
We cannot determine the exact make or model of D'Annunzio's sunglasses. (If you know, let us know.) The closest we think you're going to get -- and it's pretty close -- is vintage I Ski reflectors like the ones 44 is wearing (inset) before he turned into the most powerful toolbag on earth. These always turn up on eBay or vintage eyewear sites.
LA Lakers' Jordan Farmar, apparent Astor and Black customerQ: My boss turned me on to a suit company called Astor and Black. They make custom tailored clothing to meet any specs you could ever want. A tailor supposedly can come to your home or office and measure you up, have you choose the style and fabric of the suit you would like and in 6 to 7 weeks your custom suit arrives. The best part is the price. I was quoted $2200 for 3 suits and 6 shirts, all made to measure. Am I missing something? Why has no one else stubled upon this? --Greg
A: Greg, we're not familiar with Astor and Black, but have undertaken the task of reviewing about 7 or 8 online custom shirtmakers, so look for that feature later in February. In the meantime, rather than wed Astor and Black in a boss-arranged marriage, first take it on a date and try out a shirt before committing to a complete wardrobe.
Q: Should an aspiring MB apply the polo shirt N-2 buttoning policy to sport shirts? Should one ever wear such a shirt with only the very top button unbuttoned, or would this be an example of toolbaggery? --Russell
A: Unfortunately that simple formula does not apply to sport shirts because there are other factors at work, like button spacing, collar shape and size, and abundance (or, preferably, absence) of chest hair. In other words, it depends.
But to illustrate where we lean, take a look at a TBT (Typical Bravo Toolbag) at the top with two unbuttoned, and MB icon Paul Newman in a western -- a shirt almost demanding N-2 -- with just the top button unbuttoned.
Q: MB. Emergency. I've been watching the price on an Michael Bastian Winter 2008 NWT Orange w/corduroy detail ski jacket/vest. Cool or uncool? $400 including shipping? Pull the trigger? Product is modeled on the Bastian website, FYI. --Paul
A: We love just about every stitch of clothing Michael Bastian has created since launching his line two years ago. The only problem is his ridiculous pricing. Dude, you're not Tom Ford!
The ski jacket's original price was $1685 -- for that, we think a pair of Rossignols and a season pass at Vail should be included. But at $400, we bless this purchase decision. You get a cool jacket and a cool vest, so it's like getting 2 for 1 (OK, maybe 1.4 for 1, 1.5 tops).
Q: How does an MB wear his ID badge at work? None of the options (lanyard, clip-on, stapled to the forehead, etc.) seem particularly magnificent or bastardly....and certainly not both together. Any suggestions? --Mickey
A: Our primary suggestion is to not have a job where an ID badge is required. A well-endowed trust fund is another good option. But sometimes you gotta feed the monkey, which is where a reinterpretation of the classic luggage tag comes in. On sale right now at giltman.com is this Jack Spade boar skin version for just $18. Sale ends tonight at 11PM CT.
(Again, if you'd like an invitation to Gilt Man -- currently our favorite shopping site -- drop a line.)
Jonas Brothers pioneer "dressy casual"Q: Is "dressy casual" a girlie thing? I'm having a film premiere and want to put something on the invitation to indicate some level of expectation for the guests. It's not a formal event, but I don't want people showing up in work jeans and Uggs. --Sam
A: Sam, you're not going to like our answer but we're strongly opposed to any invitation with sartorial guidelines that don't include both the words "black" and "tie," especially something as oxymoronic as "dressy casual." (To our ear, "dressy casual" is a dangerous invitation to popped collars and banana-colored capri pants -- not to mention coral sneakers and mom's leggings -- and should be avoided at all costs.)
MBs don't concern themselves with what their guests wear, rather, important things within their control, like whether or not they ordered enough booze. We'll be looking for our invite, and we like Dewar's.
Q: What's the difference between artful dishevelment and not trying? I can't seem to get the technique down, because I either end up looking like a slob or I'm trying too hard. Please enlighten me, MB. --Mike
A: Mike, for questions like these, Nick Nolte usually has the answers.
Q: I'm definitely on board with tucking in your sport shirts (I don't like Bravo, either). But I've been wearing sport shirts under sweaters a lot recently, and was wondering about the protocol on the sport shirt underneath. Tucked or not? --Christopher
A: First of all, we love Bravo, just not the guys who give the dudes on Jersey Shore a run for their toolbaggery.
Second, the tuck rule still applies for shirts underneath a sweater. I.e., if your shirt is designed to be untucked, go for it; if it's designed to be tucked, tuck it. This way you'll achieve the desired artfully disheveled shirt-barely-peeking-out look as demonstrated here by Joseph Gordon-Levitt in (500) Days of Summer.
Ed. note:(500) Days of Summer is the best romantic comedy we've seen since Annie Hall. OK, maybe it's the only romantic comedy we've seen since Annie Hall. Anyhow, the only thing better than the flick (just by a whisker) is the soundtrack that includes tunes from The Smiths, Hall and Oates, and Spectacular Bitch par excellence Carla Bruni.
Q: A few years ago I bought a tuxedo shirt for my wedding, with the plan of wearing it as a casual "going out" shirt after our nuptials . After 4 years, I've yet to put it in play. I seemed to remember a time when wearing said shirt was alright to do with a pair of jeans. Was I dreaming? Is this something Ii should only wear if I renew my vows.....or get remarried? --Brian
A: This is not the easiest thing to execute, but definitely doable. However, Brian, in your case, the fact that the shirt has hung in your closet for four years is definitely telling you something: Listen! Either: a.) Do as you suggest and wait until your next marriage. The seven year itch is only three short years away. Or b.) Donate it to either your wife or mistress. Women can look great in them.
Q: While I feel confident that I have successfully managed the unfavorable hand of genetic hair-loss with a close cut; and despite a having solid hat collection, every winter I pine for the many benefits of a full head of hair. With that in mind, what's the MB stance on seeking hair-replacement treatments? --Joe
A: Joe, don't cut it too close (see an earlier post on the matter). It's easy for us to sit here with hair up the wazoo and tell you to work with what the good Lord gave ya, but that's exactly what we're going to do. Hair replacement/transplants run into the many thousands of dollars and they're a crap shoot. For that kind of bread you can upgrade your hat collection with this ultra-toasty shaved beaver model (now on sale for $290) and have wads of cash left over for penis enlargement pills.
Q: I see I am not the only one to take interest in your header. While the lovely lady was also what I noticed first, I had another thought: what are the best breeds of dog for a MB? --Jon
A: Like many other things, Anglophilia is at the heart of the answer, as is Paul Fussell's must-read 1983 classic Class. While MB-dom and class is not a 1:1 correlation we think his observations on dogs are quite astute:
They are classier the more they allude to nonutilitarian hunting, and thus to England. The top dogs consequently are Labradors, golden retrievers, corgis, King Charles spaniels, and Afghan hounds. To be upper-class you should have a lot of them, and they should be named after the costliest liquors, like Brandy and Whiskey. The middle class goes in for Scotties and Irish setters, often giving them Scottish or Irish names, although it reserves "Sean" (sometimes spelled "Shawn" to make sure everyone gets it) for its own human issue. Proles, for their part, like breeds that can be conceived to furnish "protection": Doberman pinschers, German shepherds, or pit bulls. Or breeds useful in utilitarian outdoor pursuits, like beagles. The thinness of dogs is often a sign of their social class. "Upper-class dogs." says Jilly Cooper, "have only one meal a day and are therefore quite thin, like their owners."
Q: In the header photo, what's in the cocktail glass the MB is holding, and how many did the lady by the loading dock have? --Jeff
A: The MB is drinking Dewar's neat. There was no ice available on the set, but we consume it this way often anyhow. In fact, if we were stranded on a desert island (or maybe an island off the coast of Scotland) with a single spirit, it would be Dewar's, not just for its flavor, but for its versatility.
The woman in the pic came to the shoot straight (as far as we know) though a belt or two wouldn't have hurt for the header photos you are about to see.
Ed. note: If you are a woman reading this and have an interest in appearing in an upcoming MB.com header photo, drop us a line.
Point-collar dress shirt in medium gingham via J. Crew. $55.00.Q: Is gingham acceptable outside of spring/summer? If not, is there an equally awesome winter-based pattern? --Foreign Dignitary
A: This answer is definitely not by the book, but we endorse all manner of gingham year-round, partly because it is so awesome. It takes a certain attitude and confidence to pull it off, but the rewards are great. If the idea of wearing a large-check purple gingham shirt in the middle of January -- even under a cashmere sweater -- sounds a bit too adventurous, you can take a safer path and seasonalize it by choosing black and navy and brown for fall/winter (J.Crew is showing some coolwashed options), and save the pink and red and yellow versions until you see the first robin (that usually happens in early April here in Wisconsin).
A Yves Saint Laurent versionQ: I am looking at having my first custom suit made. Considering that this will be my ONLY suit, what qualities should I look for in colour, fabric & design? I'll be wearing it to weddings, job interviews, etc. --Sean
A: For the man who only needs or wants or can afford a single suit, this is the suit to own:
Color and Fabric: Charcoal gray, in a four season wool from a top-notch textile maker like Loro Piana.
Jacket: Moderate width notch lapel. Two buttons. Top welt and front flap welt pockets. Given your Queen's English spelling of "colour," go with double back vents. (Yanks can go single vent.) Functional four-button cuffs. Light/non-existent shoulder padding.
Pants: Flat front, straight leg cut. Tab waist with zip closure. On seam front pockets, back welt pockets. No cuff.
This is a suit for a decade, at least. Let us know how it turns out.
Q: This is my first time on this website, and I love it! OK. I'm thinking of getting a tattoo, it's a tribal star (5 tips), actually I have made up my mind on getting the tattoo and the design I just can't make up my mind on where to get it. I'm thinking either on the left side of my chest (under my amrpit) or on the inside of my bicep. I really don't want it to show, but which is more MB? Thanks a million. --Othman
A: We think the best place to get a tattoo is jail. As long as your record is clean, we encourage you to keep your chest and biceps clean too.
Q: I'm looking for some new jeans, what can you tell me about PRPS, and are they really worth the money? --Chris
A: We like PRPS denim, but we're not so crazy about the brand's pursuit of "authenticity" by torturing a perfectly good pair of jeans until they look just like a 25-year-old pair of Wranglers worn by an overworked house-painter with a second-rate washing machine. We think it's fine to spend $300 - $400 on a pair of jeans, but only if that price doesn't stop you from doing things you'd do if you were wearing a pair of 501s. They're jeans, after all, not limited edition art objects.
If you like their fit -- and fit is everything with denim -- get something like the dark wash selvedge and start making your own holes.
Camel Hair Trench Coat via J. L. Powell. $2297.00.Q: Any tips for a camel hair coat (tan?) for winter wear? I'm looking for an alternative to urban-type coats and would like something more classic. Or is it too old-fogey classic?! --Gerald
A: We checked traditionalist sites Ralph Lauren, Pendleton, Brooks Brothers, and J. Press, and couldn't find a single camel hair coat. Gerald, this is a sign, either to abandon the idea or double down with this $2300 trench from J. L. Powell (originally $4950).
Q: MB Gods, my question is about sunglasses, specifically color. What's your stance on white sunglasses on men? I occasionally see them on pro snowboarders or surfers and they seem to pull it off but the guys I see on the streets in white shades are always toolbag-ish. Partly because they are either Oakleys, really big frames, or both. But mainly because, well...they're white! So white shades: Mag-Bastardly or Toolbaggy? --Kasper
A: Neither MB or TB, more like TTH. The fictional character Max Headroom was able to pull them off, as did Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain, but he also successfully wore girls' cardigans, fingernail polish, and even made suicide seem cool. Similar to our answer to a question about pulling off a white blazer, if you have to ask, don't try.
Q: I've noticed that certain combinations of shoes and pants lack the seamless blending/transition at the overlap, such as flare pants with skinny width shoes. Are there any tips to get the right balance? See Exhibit A (top) and B (bottom). --Mike
A: It's only January 7th but we're pretty sure this will be the most astute observation made all year. Well done.
While our answer should probably take the form of a pseudo-scientific chart, the only tip or guide you need is to follow the architectural principle of proportion. Or, why wearing narrow-outsole sneakers (like a Puma Roma) with bootcut denim feels totally weird.
Similarly, a jacket's lapels and tie should be of like widths. A big part of the problem with the skinny trend (RIP) was the poor bastards who merely dipped their toe in and bought a skinny tie to wear with a traditional-width lapel suit. Like so many breast enlargement surgeries, it looks wrong, and there's a reason why.
Q: As a top-flight plain clothes supervisor in a major southern police department, this question must be asked: Holster on the belt or go with the shoulder holster? I feel pretty good about my overall MB status but this one keeps me awake. I like the convenience of the belt holster but really feel like the shoulder rig is the only real MB choice for those of us in a suit. Your call - just the right call for the classic MB police style or just trying too hard (TTH)? --Ray
A: Our call is that it's the right call. The MB plain clothes cops we know -- Virgil Tibbs, Harry Callahan, Jack Cates -- all choose the shoulder holster and for good reason: it hides the pistol's bulk beneath your jacket (form), and also allows for a quick draw (function) as demonstrated by Sydney Poitier in 1970's They Call Me MISTER Tibbs!.
Q: Hi MB: What kind of sunglasses is Ewan McGregor wearing in Men Who Stare at Goats? Liking that look for my husband. --Sue
A: Ewan McGregor is wearing the iconic Randolph Engineering Aviator HGU4/P in gold with grey lenses. These sunglasses were also worn by Col. Kilgore (Robert Duvall) in Apocalypse Now. Go with the bayonet temples for the full effect.
Classic-Fit Western Shirt via ralphlauren.com. $59.99.Q: It's getting hard to find cool sport shirts that aren't fitted or slim fit. I know what you're going to say, but they don't look good on everyone, and it would be much worse to wear a shirt that's too tight. Any solutions that don't include going to the gym? --Adam
A: Geez, based on recent questions you'd think MB was some kind of shaving and workout-crazed American version of the Taliban. No, but perhaps menswear designers are trying to tell us all something: mix in a salad!
Adam, we recommen- Put that doughnut down! We recommend looking at Polo (preferably without the player logo). Even Ralph Lauren has jumped pretty heavily onto the "slim" bandwagon, and maybe his shirts are not the kind of cool you were thinking of, but the "classic" fit and Big & Tall have always been designed with a thicker American man in mind.
Q: No facial hair? Ever? So how do explain Brian Austin Green nabbing Megan Fox? George Clooney and Elisabetta? Pitt and Jolie? Surely these guys aren't toolbags. If they are, I have no chance at all.
About the couples you mention: Megan Fox (age 23) probably had a crush on Brian Austin Green (age 36) since she was 10 and he was on 90210. George Clooney is rich, famous, and handsome. Any one of those three is usually enough. Angelina Jolie? Ick!
Q: I've noticed you guys are down on Brooks Brothers, and I mostly agree. However, I just picked up a suit and sport coat from the Black Fleece line for 50% off and had a made to measure suit done. I picked wool from the Zegna factory and it will be constructed in the Martin Greenfield factory in Brooklyn. So, in the right setting, can Brooks Brothers be considered bastardly? --David
A: While we've poked some good-natured fun at Thom Browne, his stuff for Black Fleece the past two years is pretty good, and the quality is top-notch. Made in China, this is not. Our problem has always been the completely ridiculous pricing. Even at 50% off (as much of it is now) it's only a so-so value. If you like Black Fleece, keep your eyes on Gilt Man; they just had a sale with discounts in the 60-75% range and we expect another one fairly soon.
Ed. note: giltman.com is fast becoming a near-daily required shopping stop. If you'd like an invitation to join just drop us a line.
Tartan Trousers via Brooks Brothers. $250.00.Q: What types of shirts and pants combinations can be paired with a black velvet blazer for a semi-formal New Year's Eve celebration? --Black
A: The shirt is easy: white, pressed, no button-down. If you have one, an evening shirt with studs would be MB. The pants? Hmmmmm ... time is short ... is there a Black Fleece-stocked Brooks Brothers near you? The blazer + the shirt + these subtle tartan pants will definitely get you more than the obligatory New Year's peck on the cheek.
Q: What's your take on "creative black tie"? I am a traditionalist, but I f#$@ing hate wearing a tuxedo. Is there an acceptable MB-worthy solution that eliminates the need to wear a tie? --Johnny C.
A: Johnny, what you call "creative black tie," we call "a slippery slope to looking like Brett Michaels."
Opting out of a tie for black tie is a high-risk proposition. Even the sartorially gifted and adventurous Adrien Brody flopped spectacularly with the open shirt/medallion look at the Oscars a couple of years ago (inset). About the only successful untied look we've seen is David Beckham in an ascot. And he's David Beckham. With Posh Spice at his side.
A tuxedo is designed to be formal and somewhat generic. So trying to get creative with it is like trying to turn a pizza into a doughnut. You can do it, but you're probably going to end up with a funny-looking doughnut. Know when to pick your spots, or in other words, follow this MB Rule: Going against the flow doesn't mean pissing against the wind.
A: Lou, even with your apparent youthful looks and strapping bod, as you can see from the chart below, you're pushing it. Not to mention, if you're going to go moto make it leather and not polyester (principle of organic matarials).
Sid Vicious rocking black jeansQ: Though there have been many a discussion on jeans, whether white, distressed, old or young, what is the MB's take on black jeans? Not too black, not too gray? What is the best course of action, or stay clear all together? --Todd C.
A: We're not going to tell you not to wear black jeans. But we stay clear because we only see them fully successful when worn on stage. And none of us can sing a lick.
Happy Socks: The Argyles via Gent Supply Co.. $10.50.Q: I have a job that I'm able to dress pretty casually to and therefore wear jeans a better part of the time. My question is this, if I'm wearing something like the beloved Pumas, which may be something other than black or brown, what color of sock is appropriate? I was taught to match the sock with the pant? Does this mean blue socks? And if so, where can I find a respectable pair of socks? --Dave
A: No, Dave, it does not mean blue socks. We're not really into sock-matching in trouser situations, and with denim no rules apply, except of course the immutable rule that white socks are for athletic activities (and no, Obama, it does not include throwing out the first pitch).
We've mentioned this before but we really dig Paul Smith socks. Each spring and fall he adds just the right seasonal touches with material, color, and style. Unfortunately they retail for $30/pair. A more affordable option we've been happy with is Happy Socks (pictured), available from Gent Supply Co. for $10.50.
Q: I've got a pair of super-comfy CK jeans and I've worn them so much that they've started to get holes in the knees. I've considered cutting them into shorts because it's summer in OZ. Should I? And if so, how short? --Reece
A: Whoa, mate. Rather than make a mistake that might get you on the front page of jorts.com, instead take this opportunity to begin creating some seriously cool, organically destroyed jean pants. Find a tailor with an interest in being less like a seamstress and more like a designer, and show him this picture (here is a super-big version). Get him to put the patch behind the hole and damn-near embroider on the top with a high-contrast, heavy-weight thread. Then get to work making some new holes.
(Jeans pictured owned by: Carl Chiara. Design director, Levi's Capital E and Red Collections.)
A: The highly-polished, stacked-heeled, leather-soled wingtips our grandfathers are still wearing definitely look a bit stodgy these days. And they're so noisy, like car alarms for your feet. (Don't even try to steal that Scotch, Gramps! We totally hear you!) We still like wingtips but they're a classic in desperate need of a twist, like the flat rubber-soled Guccis we endorsed a few weeks ago.
Q: When is the MB going to address whether to burn or wear proudly the Tiger Woods golf clothing attire? --Jeff
A: Our policy has always been to burn Tiger Woods golfing attire whenever you encounter it. If someone's actually wearing it, though, call out "Fore!" before you start lighting any matches.
Spiewak N3B Snorkel Parka via evogear.com. $164.95.Q: Winter is upon us and I was wondering what is a MB winter coat? I'm talking for below zero, snowy conditions. I figure puffy, bubble coats and bright colored ski jackets are out. So what is a MB to do when it gets really cold and you have to go out? --Jon G.
A: Puffy coats are definitely not out. Moncler made some of the earliest versions, and the Italians deemed them worthy for the initial ascent of K2 in 1954.
However, if you don't have an extra $900-$1000 lying around we really, really like the Spiewak N3B Snorkel Parka (also developed in the '50s) and it's just $164.95. Yeah, it is a little overkill for your garden-variety winter weather, but a good defense when Jack Frost is nipping at your nose like a pit bull trained by Michael Vick.
Q: How low should I tie my tie? My roommate says above the belt, I say the tip should be between the top and bottom of the belt. Back me up, and he's buying all of us beer next time you're on the East Coast. --Mike
A: This is definitely unconventional wisdom and somewhat difficult to pull off, but we agree with your roommate. So does one of our biggest influences, Yves Saint Laurent. In fact, we've been known to let the narrow end meet (and even exceed!) the length of the wide end with excellent results. But you need to be fairly tall and in shape or you'll end up looking like hamburger-loving J. Wellington Wimpy.
Q: I just found your site the other day through www.onthefly.com, a truly wonderful website for the modern gentleman. It now has another feather in its cap--it has led me to you folks! Immediately upon finding your site, I went looking for answer to something I've been wondering for quite some time now. Alas, it appears that you have not addressed this yet. How do you feel about manicures? Pedicures, I gather, are required for sandals, but what about the other 10 digits? --Bryning
A: We endorse meticulous personal grooming, especially when someone else is doing it. Artful dishevelment does not extend to peeling cuticles. So yes, manicures are MB-approved. However, since they are your more dexterous digits and near your face, it's possible to care for these adequately on your own. Feet, on the other hand, require a professional, unless you have yoga master-level flexibility.
Q: I've been reading your site for quite a while now and have gotten some great advice. I know SpectacularBitch.com will be up and running soon, but I have a holiday issue. I would like to get my girlfriend a brown leather jacket for the holidays (she has been wanting one for a few months, but she is really picky). I was wondering what leather jackets SpectacularBitch.com would recommend. --Stefano (MB-in-training)
A: Stefano, buying clothing for a girlfriend is not recommended. Buying clothes for a picky girlfriend? Hang on to the receipt.
Without knowing your gal's style, here are three options for three SB archetypes:
If She Owns Pearls (Classic) Daryn Suede Hacking Jacket (Top)
This Ralph Lauren Black Label jacket was once $2498.00. It's now just $1099.00.
If She Thinks Snow-shoeing is More Than Just an Excuse to Buy Another Pair of Shoes (Outdoor Enthusiast) Weathered Leather Peacoat (Middle)
$495.00
Q: Dear MB: I am a basketball coach and would like to carry my magnificent ways from the classroom to the practice court. What kind of athletic apparel do you recommend to keep me on the magnificent path. Thanks. --Press
A: Press, the answer to your question lies in a '70s TV drama. Ken Reeves, aka "The White Shadow," shows the way magnificently, just as he showed Carver High's ball club how to run the high pick-and-roll with Coolidge and Salami: fitted white polo with deep placket and pointed collar, slim track pants with contrast side stripe(s), and low-top sneakers.
Q: I shave my head, due to hair loss, and feel that it detracts from your artfully disheveled standards. Are there any general rules for us smooth-domed MB wannabes that I should be following? --Dan
A: Dan, you said you shave your head, but how often do you shave? We ask because in our opinion, the fully shaved look (aka the Savalas) as a can't-miss cure for baldness is ultimately about as can't-miss as Rogaine or Propecia -- it doesn't always work as advertised. If you're Michael Jordan, go for it. If not, well, just look at Jack (top) -- suddenly one of the world's coolest dudes looks like a bigger toolbag than Joe the Plumber.
Our advice: when you shave, leave enough stubble to make your wife/girlfriend think twice about asking for special favors. Then, don't shave again until you start worrying about the impact wind/hats are having on your hair. The more hair you have left on top, the more frequently you'll have to shave. When you're looking like Jackson Pollock (bottom), you're looking just right. When you're looking like Larry Fine (inset), you've let it go too far.
Q: This is a time-sensitive request, so hopefully you will publish an answer soon. I am convinced other fathers will have the same question. I will be taking the kids to Disney World in December and was wondering what a Magnificent Bastard can wear on his feet for all that walking that will send the appropriate level of Magnificent Basterdness to the Crocs-wearing dads I am destined to see there. I don't want my feet to hurt, but I also don't want to look like...well you know what I would look like in Crocs or a similar kind of "shoe." Of course they can't be dressy because it's about as casual a vacation we can go on...short of spending all of our time on a beach, but I am sure Bastards such as yourselves can solve my problem. --Jeff from Illinois
A: Jeff, first off, relax! Disney World is the one place on the planet where wearing a Tommy Bahama shirt may qualify you as the coolest guy in the room. Or to put it another way: If your goal as an MB-in-training is merely to outdo some Crocs-wearing stroller-pusher from Topeka, well, you're setting the bar kind of low! But what the hell -- baby steps, right?
Browse our shoe channel and you'll note our interest in classic sport shoes. In fact, visit the MB-recommended classicsportshoes.com and just about anything will do, though we seem to always end up in Adidas or Puma. One of our all-time faves is the difficult-to-find Puma California EXT, available in 8.5, 9, 10, and 10.5. And don't mess up the socks. Go for no-show or none at all.
Q: What's a better choice for desert boots: leather or suede? Also, should I stick with Clarks or go for another brand? --Sam
A:
1. Desert boots are suede.
2. Clarks invented desert boots. They were first worn by British officers doing battle with Rommel in the deserts of North Africa. In other words, stick with Clarks.
A: Cardigans are everywhere this year but don't let that keep you from wearing them. They're timeless. One strong suggestion, however: find one that's on the short side, and slim (bottom). The majority out there are droopy, longer ones that have a very un-MB shortening effect.
A: This is part of the Fall 2009 Tom Ford collection, who we believe to be the greatest living menswear designer. Available at his stores (furrowed brow extra). Best bet: the one at 845 Madison Ave.
Q: I was organizing my closet today and came across my old Joseph Aboud black, banded collar long sleeve shirt.... Should it remain in the back of the closet, or can I wear it again? --Ron
A: Ron, you should've never bought the shirt in the first place. Make amends to the style gods by soaking it in gasoline and use to start a bonfire large enough for them to see.
This one, we do not recommend. Band of Outsiders simply overrated.Q: Dear MB, I was recently traveling in Spain and noticed a particular style among the men there which I would like to replicate. Professional men seemed to wear a lot of very trim cut, double vented odd jackets in light weight fabrics (it was still quite warm in October). Solid, patterned, cotton, linen - quite a variety, but nothing I seem able to find in the US. The look was way more MB than the typical quad-pleated Dockers, golf shirts and Oakleys I tend to see here. Can you point me in the right direction? Thanks! --Matt
A: Odd jackets? Have you tried your local Goodwill? Pairing the blazers you describe with equally slim-cut wovens, cool denim, and sport/fashion footwear is a winning look that's pretty easy to achieve, especially if you would've stopped into a few of the hundreds of little menswear shops there. Now that you're back in America the easiest way to find what you're looking for is to visit yoox.com. If you're flush with cash try a higher-end YOOX property: thecorner.com.
Thank you for answering my MB polo shirt buttoning policy question! Here's a follow up: With Christmas around the corner family has been asking what I want. I've decided I'm ready to ditch the Clarks and get a legit pair of new business casual shoes for work (black and brown). To accomplish this I'm going to request gift cards but they'll have to be to the same store in order to stack them all together. But which store is the best for MB shoe shopping? Was thinking Nordstrom but haven't been that impressed with their selection. I'd also prefer an actual store versus online but will defer to your expert opinion. Where do you get your shoes? --Jay
A: We get our shoes all over the place. Any of the retailers linked on our home page, if they sell shoes we've probably bought a pair. Our biggest wins, however, have come from bluefly and we recommend it for you in spite of its online-ness. Great options for your immediate bizcash need and depending on your adventurousness and line of work, they've always got interesting sport/fashion from Prada, Puma, Tod's, and Adidas, which is the direction we're going these days.
Q: The top or bottom button on a 2 button suit. MB can you settle a debate on button etiquette? We have always been told NOT to use the bottom button on any jackets? Is it ever appropriate to a.) use both buttons on a 2 button jacket? b.) use only the bottom button on a 2 button jacket? --Dave
A: There are only two occasions when it's OK to button both buttons on a jacket: during your wedding vows or during your oath of office. And never only button the bottom button. Even a total schlub like Nixon, in complete disgrace, in a crappy Windsor knot and flag pin, knew to only button the top one.
Q: Are you ever going to touch on the atrocity of wearing flip-flops and jeans together? Your silence suggests it is still appropriate attire as you pontificate pearls of bastardly fashion from your cozy West Hollywood cyber-cafe. --Larry
A: Woah, Lar. There's actually a bit of a chill this morning on the terraced patio here at Urth Caffe on Melrose, warmed only slightly by an organic dolce espresso and the sight of Meg Ryan. Anyhow, we're from a small farming community in the middle of Wisconsin, and we say flip-flops and jeans are fine, but only if you've had a pedicure in the last 21 days.
Q: I like the look of high/riding boots, but think it's too much to wear unless you're in the English countryside or riding. The other day I saw a guy wearing a nice pair of leather ankle boots, like a ferragamo or gucci boot, with his pants tucked into them. I couldn't decide whether it looked ridiculous or courageously cool. What say you? --Tom
A: Tom, we answered your question about a year ago, calling it TTHTLLYS (Trying Too Hard To Look Like Yosemite Sam), and still oppose this overly affected style. Weather the pant-tucking trend for now as it will be completely gone by next fall, except on re-runs.
Q: I purchased this coat from Banana Republic. The only thing I don't like about it is the lack of vents in the back. Is this something I could trust in the hands of my tailor to remedy? Or is it too risky? --Matt
A: A tailor can easily do it. While he's adding vents, have him subtract the epaulets. Military was MB in 2007, passable in 2008, post-peak in 2009.
Q: Around a month ago I watched GQ Rules: How to dress better in 15 days. What caught my attention was Jim Moore's tie and collar buttons.
Is it MB to tie your tie a bit loose just like Jim Moore? Also, I know you are not supposed to wear a tie with a shirt with button collars. What do you guys think? I uploaded a picture here http://i34.tinypic.com/4h3w3m.jpg of Jim Moore just in case you guys haven't watched it yet. --Franco
A: First, it's certainly OK to wear a tie with a button-down collar. Second, this is Jim Moore's version of artful dishevelment and it's definitely endorsable (though the tie width and knot size is not). Finally, one thing we don't get about Jim Moore's look is the eyewear. We're pretty sure he got those at our high school algebra teacher's garage sale.
Q: Toggle coats, yes or no? I've never found one that doesn't make me look huge. Now I'm just thinking this is the MB's way of telling me to stop looking. --Kyle
We've never been a fan of toggle coats, but not because they make us look huge. It's because when we see one, it invariably reminds of a front door with seven deadbolts on it. It's as if the wearer is worried that someone is going to break into his coat and steal his sweater. These overfortified coats are everywhere this season, but you can safely avoid.
Q: I need to buy a new pair of magnificent golf shoes, but I don't really know where to look. Any ideas??? Thanks! --Blake
A: Unfortunately golf shoes have followed in the footsteps of running shoes and gone all ugly space-age (top), when MBs just want the golf shoe equivalent of New Balance 574s (bottom).
It's difficult to offer suggestions in such a depressed golf shoe environment, but last season's Puma Club Shoe works and is on sale for $70. Also keep your eyes on eBay for Adidas and Puma models when they were cool, like back in 2008.
French first lady Carla Bruni. Spectacular Bitch par excellence.Q: I was talking to my girlfriend today about MB and she mentioned that she wished there was a version of MB for women. I was curious as to whether you folks had ever thought about finding some fabulous ladies to run a sister site with a similar style? --Mark
A: Funny you should ask, Mark. We're diligently working on our sister site, spectacularbitch.com. Okay, we're not diligently working on it. But we're working on it. Check back in in early 2010, and we should at least have the website equivalent of Carla Bruni's top. In other words, not a lot of substance, perhaps, but loads and loads of style.
Nothing like a spectacular pair of collarbonesQ: I'm headed to the Victoria's Secret show and after party in NY and the attire is listed as "dressy cocktail" (as expected) on the invitation. I'm pretty sure I'm leaning toward a nice suit and tie, but was curious as to what you might think would be good in terms of style for the show and the party itself. Any suggestions would be great. Thanks! --DR
A: DR, did you say something? Sorry, we've got the Victoria's Secret Miraculous™ Push-Up bra ad running on a loop here. Did you know it instantly adds two cup sizes? Anyhow, what was your question? Oh, right. Suit. Good.
Q: What's the word on beige suits? I think they're pretty tough to pull off, but I'd say it can be done. I really like this one (although I'm not a fan of the 3 buttons). Where could I find this one with two buttons? --Christopher
A: This looks more like "khaki" to us, and they're not difficult to pull off at all. Just not now as we head into winter. Wait until baseball season starts again.
Unfortunately you'll likely have to wait until then to pick one up as they've disappeared off the sale pages, but Theory usually makes a good one.
John Varvatos Star USA Suede Peacoat via Bloomingdales. $895.00.Q: I would hope that you are continuing your search for the perfect peacoat this year. It is a bit early in the season, but have you found any potential candidates? Price is not a factor. --Aaron
A: Aaron, if you haven't noticed, as a result of the economy, most fall 2009 collections suck pretty hard, and peacoats are no exception. There is one standout, though, and it's this John Varvatos Star USA suede model. A real statement piece. The only bummer is that the collar is faux fur (principle of organic materials).
If $895 is too rich, GQ just published a Best Coats Under $500 piece that's worth checking out.
Q: I couldn't find any MB articles on flannel (although I haven't really looked). Just curious, I keep hearing about "designer" flannel shirts that really seem too expensive for what they are. What is the MB's stance on flannel? I like wearing it because it's soft, warm, and durable, and I live in the Rockies. --Joe
A: It took nearly 15 years but the grunge affliction is finally behind us. Wear your flannel with confidence, but only if you weigh less than 100 lbs., are female, and not a lesbian. Otherwise, we tend to view flannel as this season's fleur-de-lis.
We were looking through images on Google and found the Magnificent Bastard that puts all others to shame.
See exhibit A and B. We can't help but notice Albert Einstein's artful dishevelment and dignified countenance. In short: too bastardly for us to compete with. Also, we noticed the tuxedo collar is used with a high sense of class. What is your opinion on this Magnificent Bastard?
With Awe,
Zach and Jon
A: In theory, Einstein should qualify as an MB. But while we don't know much about physics, we do know that artful dishevelment does not mean being so preoccupied with quantized atomic vibrations that you don't realize you've put on your wife's shorts and sandals instead of your own. Sorry, Albert!
This is 'The New Wall Street'Q: Uncrate, previously satisfied with simply adding a "me-too" to other sites' work, seems to have recently gotten into the fashion advice business for itself (http://www.uncrate.com/men/style/garb/) . Their suggestions for "The New Wall Street" seem follow the MB-approved principles of Anglophilia, natural materials and I don't see a belt-clip for that Blackberry ... still, I worry. For example, how can I properly scmhooze a board meeting in "narrow ankle" pants that feature an index-card-sized branded patch logo on the ass?
So the question: Is Uncrate ready to quit the kids table and come drink with the adults, or is little brother TTH? --Andrew
A: Just as you can't ask a caterpillar to fly, you can't expect every guy out there to take on the responsibilities of being an MB -- which in part include knowing one's own style well enough to occasionally decide for yourself which pants go with which shirt. Or simply which pants not to wear at all.
Scott Schuman: One missed shave away from TTH?Q: What is your opinion of the Sartorialist? It is a fashion blog that some of my friends recommended to me, and while I find a few of its entries to be MB-esque, I find many of them to be far too trendy and TTH. What is your opinion? --Jon
A: We have nothing but respect and admiration for The Sartorialist. Especially because he's got excellent taste in women.
A lot of his observations and recommendations are too trendy and TTH because he's in Manhattan. Now, there's nothing wrong with The Big Apple -- a couple of us went there once on a field trip in 8th grade -- but being from Pulaski, WI we naturally provide a more carefree, understated approach to men's style. Maybe it's NTHE (Not Trying Hard Enough) for some, but we're confident that if you follow the advice given in these pages, when you're a grandfather and look back at the photographs that document your life, you can do so with beaming pride instead of asking yourself, "What the fuck was I thinking?"
A: Halloween is a near impossiblility for an MB. It clearly violates the understatement principle. And turns on its head the objective of looking like you haven't thought about what you're wearing. You're wearing a fucking a costume!
Anyhow, if you insist, we suspect Michael Jackson may be a popular choice this Halloween, and we've put together a handy guide to choose the proper MJ look.
Q: After your recent "Are You a Cocktail Toolbag" I got to thinking about my favourite cocktail. How MB is my cocktail of choice - a White Russian? --Steve
A: Of course the most famous drinker of White Russians is The Dude, man. And while we strongly endorse his attitude towards authority, drinking, drug use, casual sex, and work-life balance, we just cannot get behind the White Russian -- it's far too sweet to be a daily drinker. If you find yourself out of Pepto Bismol, however, it does make for a good emergency digestive.
Q: I have a couple of pairs of jeans that are both a bit too long. Wondering what your thoughts and advice is for bringing jeans to the tailor? --Julius
A: It's a fact of life, superior jeans tend to be sized for folks with superior genes. Nothing too wide in the waist department, and typically with a 32-inch or 34-inch inseam. If your own legs don't measure up to that standard, you have two options. 1) Walk around as if your cuffs are trying to harbor your fugitive feet. 2) Take your jeans to a tailor. The latter is certainly OK.
Q: Two part Q, if that's ok. First - and please excuse the ignorance - I purchased a suit with the hopes of having it tailored to a slim fit (along these lines). Is that possible if the suit is not originally in that mold (it fits more so in this manner)? I have had it taken in a bit in the torso, however, I'd like the sleeves thinned out (narrower) and the shoulders to be less wide, rather more fitted to me. So I wasn't sure if the tailor was limited in ability or correct in saying that was not possible. With that comes the second part. Would MB happen to know who that suit (Roger Sterling plaid suit) is by/what style that would fall under exactly? Thanks a lot. I really appreciate all the help. --Carlos
A: Carlos: First, your tailor is wrong. Anything can be tailored to your specifications. But stop throwing good money after bad. The suit you bought (upper left) has three buttons and therefore is not what you're going for. Second, the Roger Sterling (played by John Slattery) suit in the photograph (upper right) is by D&G and it retailed for $1,425 in August 2008. Third, Brooks Brothers has a Mad Men Edition suit designed by the show's costume designer, Janie Bryant (bottom). Finally, we have a very strict rule at magnificentbastard.com, and we hope you take it under consideration: once a TV show look is available at Brooks Brothers, it's officially post-peak.
Actual photo from inside Ross Dress for LessQ: What is your opinion on shopping at Ross? I know that 99% of the stuff there is unusable, but occasionally you can find a hidden gem. It also seems like a good place to start if you don't have much in the pocketbook. --Cheap Bastard
A: The nearest Ross Dress For Less (from our Pulaski, WI offices) is 491 miles away in Monaca, PA, so we're not terribly familiar with the place, though highly amusing online reviews make it sound similar to a 3rd-world bazaar, only more chaotic. And a 1% success rate is not worth it if you have to interact with The Great Unwashed in search of deals on underwear and striped sport shirts.
Do what we do: build a fire, pour yourself a glass of scotch, and click through the "Sale" links on our site's home page. There are great deals to be had from the comfort of your own home. Accompanying headbuzz just a nice bonus.
Q: Dear MB: I am writing to get your official position on a matter that arose last night between my girlfriend and I regarding sweaters: V-neck or crewneck? My girl (who claims she knows her stuff with clothing) told me to go with a crewneck and steer clear of v-necks if I am wearing a collared shirt underneath, as the V-neck would not be appropriate. I, on the otherhand, I prefer the v-neck and don't care for the crewneck, as it reminds me too much of those John McCain sport coat-sweater-tie combos that he was running around in last fall (sort of an older man's look to me). Does MB have an official preference for v-neck or crewneck sweaters, or am I just a dumb bastard for not listening to my girl? --Ryan
A: We agree with you and not your girl. When Paul Newman died last year, we cited his v-neck-woven shirt combination as his life's greatest achievement. And just look at James Dean in a v-neck and woven. This is artful dishevelment defined.
As a side note, John McCain typically did do the coat-sweater-tie combo until, hopelessly behind late in the campaign, tried the v-neck look with disastrous results.
Q: Ok here is my question. I am looking for a winter coat but I don't want something insulated because I tend to wear a lot of wool and cashmere sweaters. Essentially I am looking for something waterproof but longer than a ski jacket but not a full length trench but still long enough to cover a sport coat. Am I SOL? --Josh
A: Anything else? Does it have to come in black and be made in Scotland? Well in that case you're in luck! Try the classic Mackintosh. Yeah, it's $813 but it will stay in style as long as you're alive.
Black pants, black shoes. Period.Q: So I work in a bank now, and the attire demands shirt and tie. I'd look a little overdone in a suit. Can I wear brown dress shoes with black dress pants? (I know the policy on strictly wearing black shoes with a black suit, but since this isn't a suit...) --Christopher
A: Christopher, rules are definitely meant to be broken, but to break this one you have to know what you're doing. It has to be just the right black pant and brown shoe combination. In other words, if you have to ask, stick to black footwear with your black pants.
Q: After following your advice, my success with women has gone from about 5% to nearly 50%. It seems to have been the missing piece. Thank you! This is until recently. I was talking to a girl who loved my outfit at my favorite bar. She said it looked like I didn't even try, it just worked. At this time, a female bartender interjected that this look was my angle. The conversation was over. The bartender observed that on her own. Short of finding another bar, what suggestions do you have? --Ken
A: A cock-blocking bartender is even worse than a cock-blocking wingman -- you're not tipping your buddy, after all. But if you've really got the "not trying thing" down, and the bartender was female, maybe she was cootch-blocking the girl you were trying to pick up. Find out fast. If the answer's "yes," your favorite bar just became a terrible place to pick up women but a great place to get free drinks. If the answer's "no," try humor. The next time the bartender interrupts your game with some play-by-play analysis, say: "Jesus, mom, back off. Can't you see I'm trying to get laid here?"
Yohji Yamamato suit via YOOX. $980.00.Q: So my pop and I are having a debate which I hope you can clear up. For my 5 year anniversary my wife and I are going to dinner followed by the orchestra. I want to look like an MB so I though this is a great excuse to purchase a new suit, but my pop told me to go for 2 nice sport coats and pants as needed which would allow me to mix and match all year long. Makes sense, is he on point with this? Also, would this be acceptable wedding and funeral attire or is that where a suit would come in? --Chris
A: It sounds like you don't just want a suit but need a suit, so we're recommending you ignore your old man and buy a suit. Choose something slightly more casual and you can flip your pop's argument right around, i.e., match the suit pants all day long with a woven shirt or knit shirt or sweater, and match the suit jacket with denim. You'll save money (well, maybe) and have something to wear to weddings and funerals.
So I'm 22 and in a band. I used to have long hair when I was around 18 but have since gone for a look more ... bastardly. The hair is getting kind of shaggy again and I'm told I should let it grow. I figured I'd clear it with the MB before doing something that could put my aspiring MB status into hot water. I was thinking something along the lines of Johnny Depp, but how does an MB look rock and roll while still being an MB? I'm no stranger to the €50 haircut so maintenance isn't an issue but I'm just not sure if I'll be rocking like a bastard or a magnificent flop. --Danny
A: Danny, this really depends on the quality of your band. If your band sucks, you'll only force Johnny Depp to get a crew-cut in order to avoid embarrassing comparisons. If your band rocks, any long style will work, no €50 haircuts necessary.
Q: I am overweight and poor, and as a result I have a wardrobe that is five years old. I'm trying to make the best of it so I come to you with a question: When are camouflage pants/shorts acceptable? --Ben
A: Two situations, Ben: 1. Protecting America's freedom, and 2. Halloween costume.
Fast for a day, take the money you would have spent on food and head to the clearance rack at Target, where you will always find multiple pairs of XXL Converse One-Star pants marked down to $10 or less.
A: We've previously weighed in on Mark Nason boots, categorizing them as TTH and a gross violation of the understatement principle. Not to mention, whenever we see someone wearing them they're usually only part of a bigger, more comprehensive toolbag look.
If it's that rocker vibe you need, try the more toned-down style of Rock & Republic. They keep the skulls and other junk on the sole. An even more understated choice that still passes as rock 'n' roll is John Varvatos, and you don't have to worry about keeping your feet off of anyone's desk.
Q: I am getting a bespoke suit made and I am trying to decide, notched, peaked or shawl lapel? And what about vents? One in the middle or two on the sides? --Jon
A: In spite of recently showing Clooney in peak lapels, we'd choose notch if it were our suit. Definitely not shawl unless you're a.) making a tuxedo or b.) Goldfinger. Regarding venting, we've discussed this before and came down on the side of double vents primarily due to our severe case of Anglophilia, but single vent is a perfectly fine choice as well.
Modified N2B Snorkel Parka via Spiewak. $155.00.Q: It's starting to get pretty chilly here in PA, and I've been looking into getting a new winter jacket for some time, but I'm not really sure as to what brand. So, what would an MB recommend for a college student, preferably within the $300 price range? --Mike
A: Mike, if you've been reading for a while you've seen "MB Deals of the Week" on a Helmut Lang Blizzard Coat and a Rogues Gallery Snorkel Jacket, both in your price range. If you don't like those then we're going to go into broken record mode: currently the best outerwear value on the market is Spiewak, plain and simple. Check out their new fall line at their new site, and you can actually order a few styles at Nordstrom. You'll stay warm and still have enough bread left over to throw a pretty decent kegger.
Q: My son desperately wants the SOH Cable Hand-Knit scarf, which I absolutely cannot afford. I can, however, knit extremely well. Is there any chance you might know the dimensions of the SOH Cable Hand-Knit Scarf? My son may not be a bastard, but he is absolutely magnificent, and he would be even more magnificent wearing that scarf. --Bonnie
A: Bonnie, a note of caution: Extravagantly doting on your son is one of the surest ways to turn him into a toolbag. But at least you're not just handing him your Bergdorf Goodman card and telling him to shop until until he gets hungry for a sandwich, which you will lovingly prepare. The SOH scarf is 72" x 12". Good luck and please use only the finest Mongolian cashmere.
Q: Have you seen this yet? GQ is on a downward spiral with their "good" fashion tips. Collar stays? Really? --Perry
A: GQ is like a machine. Every month they need to produce x amount of words to fill a magazine, and when that happens you're bound to get some bad (and often contradictory) advice. Not to mention, Glenn O'Brien (The Style Guy) can't write everything. Collar stays aren't just out, they prevent successful artful dishevelment. Take a close look at George Clooney's beautifully disheveled collar and you can clearly see there is definitely not a collar stay.
Q: Can you tell me your thoughts about the ECigarette? --Randall
A: Randall, besides being a gross violation of the principle of organic materials, the first time we saw this thing we thought it was a gag gift, on par with fake vomit and fake dog shit. Remarkably it's real (and incidentally delivers a real dose of nicotine). Can you tell how we feel? If not, we've created a useful chart below.
Q: I'm prone to rocking the Canadian tuxedo more than most, but I've always been under the impression that the key was pairing a washed out jacket with new, crisp jeans, or vice versa OR just rocking them with different colors altogether. But lately I've been told that the denim should match as closely as possible. I think this looks like a boiler suit, or maybe a denim onesie. What's your opinion? --Robert
A: First, we should note that funny questions always move to the front of the line. Second, we're not opposed to you "rocking" the Canadian tuxedo, but know that the degree of difficulty is extremely high. For every Heath Ledger in Brokeback Mountain there are 100 Neil Diamonds on the album cover for "Hot August Night." (And yes we know we just recommended a gay cowboy over a vintage Jewish mega-stud, but fashion's fashion.)
Armani Basic White Dress Shirt via Neiman Marcus. $235.00.Q: Are there any decent white dress shirts that are not totally see through? Friends tell me to look at the more expensive dress shirts (purportedly because of the higher "thread count"). But then I look at $250 Armani dress shirts and they are just as sheer as other shirts (if not more so). Am I just stuck wearing a t-shirt underneath everytime I put on a white dress shirt, even in the summertime? --Richard
A: Without boring the absolute bejesus out of regular readers with a thread count discussion, the sheerness of a fabric is a combination of thread count, quality of the yarn, and weave. A fine-yarn shirt can have a high thread count (high density), cost $250, and still be sheer. You can also buy a low thread count, non see-through shirt at Burlington Coat Factory for $19.99 .
If you are opposed to wearing a shirt under your dress shirt (we strongly agree with that stance) and are hung up on sheerness, then focus on the weave rather than the thread count. Look for twill weaves or oxford weaves (but not at Burlington Coat Factory).
Q: I am graduating from college this semester and it puts me in the predicament of being both extremely broke and in need of a decent suit for interviews. What can a poor bastard do to pull off both conservative and MB on a budget? --Ron
A: We're not saying we've been there, but we feel your pain. And we're going to give you our usual response: choose a two-button charcoal grey suit in either wool or cotton. You can wear it all four seasons, and to weddings and funerals, too. Unfortunately, finding a stylish, affordable grey suit isn't easy. First, check YOOX for something in your size. If that fails, we're really impressed with what J. Crew is offering. $540 is certainly more than you probably want to spend, but this is a suit you can wear for the next 10 years, at least.
UPDATE: From reader Pete we get word that J. Crew offers a 15% discount of full-price clothing, including suits.
Bonobos pink polo via Bonobos. $68.00.Q: What is the MB's stance on Bonobos polos and Bonobos in general? Their polos are slim but not too slim and come just high enough above the bicep with a tight fit. However there is a small logo on the lining of the buttons near the color? Does this violate the MB policy? --Todd
A: We don't really have a stance on Bonobos pants, though one reader did rate them very high on his own "gay factor" chart. The polos look promising. Nice sleeve length, but we could do without that piping. The logo isn't really a big deal because you can choose "matching logo," and if you follow the MB n-2 buttoning policy (as shown by the model pictured) you'd be hard-pressed to even display it.
Q: I live in a tropical South East Asian country with temperature averaging between 31 to 34C in the day. How would a MB dress here? --Sebastian
A: Would it be Indonesia by chance? Even if you're only living in the vicinity, rent 1982's The Year of Living Dangerously and then study Mel Gibson's wardrobe. Unbuttoned double cargo pocket shirts (tucked in of course), flat-front khakis, and perfect sleeve-rolling. Accessorize with cigarettes and/or Sigourney Weaver and you're good to go.
Q: Pardon me if this is out of your normal realm. But I am about to turn 17 and am in need of a car. I have it narrowed down to an '80s era BMW 325i convertible, or an '80s era Jaguar XJ6, and I just can't make up my mind. Please help. --Adam
A: Adam, you're new around here, aren't ya? This is a no-brainer, and not just because the Jaguar was made in England (see previous posts about Anglophilia). It's more obscure, consumes more gas, and will only run when the sun is fully shining. All the BMW has going for it is the convertible, which is only useful to achieve superbly artfully disheveled hair.
Q: I have a 100% Rayon sport shirt that has two buttons at the bottom. This shirt is made to be worn on the outside of your pants. Do I leave the buttons on or remove them? I know these are extra buttons but I don't know what the style is in regards to leaving them on or not. --Tom
A: Tom, do not confuse laziness with style. If you were born with extra nipples, well, maybe you could leave them on, because removing them would require a scalpel, some high-quality booze, and it would still be really painful. Buttons, however, can be snipped with a common pair of scissors.
Q: How can a 36 year old male dress in resort casual without looking too metrosexual, preppy or like a Tommy Bahama wanna-be? --Mollee
A: From top to bottom:
Knit Shirt: Polo with sleeves that hit at about the middle of the bicep. No logos if possible, especially none with the name of your country club or a high-end public course he recently played. Be sure to follow the polo shirt button rule.
Woven Shirt: At least one in white, of course. Unpressed. Just take it out of the dryer and go. Not buttoned-down. If it's not specifically designed to be worn untucked, have him tuck it in.
Sweater: Fine gauge v-neck cashmere. Period. On cool nights have him toss this over the polo or the woven and let his shirt collar just do what it wants to do.
Pants: No pleats. No creases. No linen. Khakis with patch pockets are a solid choice. Only denim if it's dark and dressed up, like Theory. Shorts OK too, but when the sun goes down remember the rule: pants only.
Footwear: Plimsolls or Jack Purcells. Sandals or flip-flops (but only if they're made from organic materials).
The Feet Themselves: If he chooses the sandal/flip-flop route, remember this rule about feet: If you wouldn't put his toe in your mouth, you need to convince him to get a pedicure.
Juan Martin del Potro (top) and Ralph MacchioQ: Is Roger Federer a Magnificent Bastard? --Cosgrove
A: In the past there's been a lot to place Federer firmly in MB territory. He doesn't sweat, he doesn't grunt like an animal on every groundstroke, and even when he gets destroyed (see 2008 French vs. Nadal) he's so graceful it looks like he's actually winning.
But the last year has given us pause. He cried like a baby at the Australian, looked like a waiter at Wimbledon, and last night whined about the foolproof electronic line calling system after losing to a Slam finals rookie who dresses like The Karate Kid.
Q: Corduroy pants, yea (suggestions?) or nay? --Nathan
A: Corduroy pants are staple of any fall wardrobe. Wear with confidence. Except, of course, for cordarounds. Here are three brands we've worn the cord right off:
Top: John Varvatos. Unfortunately these are a little difficult to find at the moment, but worth the search. Try eBay.
Middle:Barney's Co-Op. Barney's Co-Op house brand stuff is really good and these five-pocket cords are totally worth $125.
Bottom:Banana Republic. This isn't exactly inspired on our part, yet for $60 Banana cords never disappoint.
A Robert Graham shirtQ: Hey MB--I always enjoyed thinking about buying something from Clark's Register--now they are gone. What happened? --Ray
A: What happened is the owner died in 2004. The new owners did not have John Clark's aesthetic or vision and the store slowly started circling the drain. They consistently lost money, couldn't find investors, and finally euthanized it two weeks ago.
It's too bad, because Clark's Register carved out a niche that no one was really serving. Once, the store subscribed to the very sound principle that you can never have too many white shirts. Unfortunately, that evolved into a far more diabolical belief system: That you can never have too many Robert Graham shirts.
Red Wing Classic Work Boot via Berdorf Goodman. $230.00.Q: I live in New York and am beginning to think about the harsh winter snow and ice set to arrive in the coming months. I don't like Tingley's or galoshes so what is an MB boot to wear during the winter months that looks decent with a suit and good with jeans? Red Wing? Bass? --Miles
A: Now that Red Wing boots have arrived at Bergdorf Goodman, we suppose that look has arrived in public as well. We're just not buying it, except, of course, to chop wood or build a barbed wire fence. Chalk one up to the marketing folks at Red Wing for a nice rebranding/repositioning, but avoid this soon-to-be short-lived trend and instead take a look at some of the new Prada options at bluefly. Sure, they are 2x or 3x as expensive as the Red Wings, but there is a high likelihood you'll still be wearing them in ten years. We've seen it happen. And they're flexible enough to work with a suit or jeans.
Q: Every MB enjoys a luxury once in a while, but I notice that you haven't given us any opinions on one that every true MB must indulge in at some point: the cigar. The occasional cigar, that is -- I don't foresee a need for a stockpile of cigars, and humidors reek of toolbaggery if you're younger than 50 anyway, right? Can you give this MB a basic cigar education, as well as some tips on good brands that won't break the bank for that special indulgence?
Much appreciated. --Max
A: On the one hand, Max, cigars are just an organic version of a Bluetooth headset or a pair of Oakleys -- a prop that shouts "Toolbag!" louder than Billy Mays trying to sell you spray paint for your lawn. On the other hand, they've got an unimpeachable pedigree -- beloved by sages, revolutionaries, statesmen, and tycoons alike. In recent decades, however, interlopers have fouled the waters. We're not saying you can't smoke a cigar -- not even an asshole as big as Rush Limbaugh can get between an MB and his pleasures. But use discretion. As our chart below shows, cigars are currently on a downward arc. Regarding specific choices, our own tastes run more toward medical marijuana. But a retailer whose judgement we endorse, On the Fly, offers sampler packs starting at $50.
A: We think boat shoes are fine, but encourage you to wear them only if you're actually on a boat or headed toward one. As for specifics, we all know the default choice when talk turns to boat shoes. Paul Sperry invented the category in 1935; the Top-Sider is an American classic. But so is Donald Trump and we don't want him anywhere near our feet. We don't feel quite so strongly about Top-Siders ... we've even given them a conditional thumbs-up in the past. But if you're in the market for something whose style is a little more amphibious, check out these Puma Decker slip-ons. We also like the Harrys of London Blake in dark tan, which is to the Top-Sider what ScarJo is to Marilyn Monroe, a more streamlined update to a tried-and-true design.
Q: What is the MB preferred method for closing a loaf of bread? The twistie tie or the spin and tuck? --Don
A: When it comes to bread, we prefer no bags at all, just bungee cords. A note of caution: Don't get too inspired by this photo and start wearing a beret. They're worse than bagged bread.
Q: How should an MB tie his trench coat belt? I really don't like the way people buckle it at the back. And not having a belt doesn't seem like a good choice either. --Cole
A: If your trench coat comes with a belt (and that's OK but we prefer beltless) there is only one way to tie it: in an artfully disheveled double knot just like the MB's MB.
Q: I have a matching gray vest and suit jacket that was once part of a three piece (the pants ripped). Is it MB to wear the top two pieces with pants of a different color? Perhaps black pants? Please advise. --Gideon
A: No, don't do that. In fact, don't even hang the jacket and vest near each other in your closet. Their relationship is over.
We're not huge fans of this look, but you can salvage the vest by pairing it with denim and a white shirt. The jacket, on the other hand, is probably a lost cause. Since it was once part of a 3-piece suit, it's almost certainly not going to have a cut that works with denim. And combining with dress slacks is a look that should be left to middle-aged men attending Sunday service. Feel good about yourself and donate that jacket to the nearest Salvation Army -- it will help some recently laid off Christian maintain his churchly style even in the midst of financial hardship.
Q: In the right setting (think a beach in cabarete, Dominican Republic) and in the right make (Ralph Lauren, navy), can one manage bastardly magnificence in a sarong? I like to wear mine late in the day as the sun dips beyond an ocean horizon, but my lovely wife doesn't find it, well, all that groovy. --Tune
A: If the penalty for not wearing a sarong is being boiled alive and then eaten by men who are wearing a sarong, we reluctantly endorse wearing a sarong. In all other cases, shorts during the day, pants at night.
Q: Should Thom Brown have his right to produce men's fashion revoked, or is it ever ok for an MB to look like THIS??? --Javier
A: As far as we can tell, Thom Browne's primary contributions to fashion are:
1. suits with capri pants, and
2. suits with shorts.
If you're a wee man who wants to flaunt his weeness, then Thom Browne is your god. This particular get-up makes him look like a tiny, hairy puppet IBM invented to sell toner cartridges to yacht clubs. We sincerely do not get it.
Q: I'm going to a dinner party at a friend's house. All my summer shoes of course, I wear without socks. Is it appropriate to be barefoot if they ask you to take off your shoes? What's the etiquette on that? --Phil
A: In survey after survey throughout the 20th century, people have named Gandhi as the guest they'd most like to have at their summer party. In other words, as long as you don't start any fights and generally project a serene vibe, you should be fine. Furthermore, a genetically superior set of toes combined with a recent pedicure look better than any pair of shoes.
Q: I know your policy on tucking in polo shirts, but how about t-shirts? Marlon Brando had them tucked in in A Streetcar Named Desire, but I believe he was wearing undershirts. Is this something that can be pulled off? --Dave
A: While the current dominant style is untucked, we think you can tuck if you like, and Marlon Brando, James Dean, and Steve McQueen agree with us. A couple of other thoughts on the matter:
* Any t-shirt that makes it into your wardrobe should look good untucked as well as tucked. In other words, if you're tucking because your t-shirt is too long or too wide at the bottom, you should demote that t-shirt to garage rag.
* Take a close look at Brando in A Streetcar Named Desire and you'll see he's actually demonstrating the MB-endorsed artfully disheveled tuck. (Avoid the rip, though -- that's a little too Flashdance.)
Q: My girl trims downstairs, should us guys tidy up? I'm not saying a full wax, I'm just saying... --Greg
A: As a rule, we're extremely wary of style trends popularized by male porn stars. But if your overgrowth is interfering with your girl's sexual pleasure, well, there are very few opportunities in life where you can come off as sensitive and considerate when your real goal is a blowjob. Break out the trimmers.
Also, it doesn't hurt to have Dean Martin as an accessoryQ: They fall under all of your MB rules: matte, history, pedigree and tradition: Calf leather opera pumps. On occasions when you have to wear black tie are they the better alternative to the shiny, plastic and cheap looking patent leather oxfords? Cary Grant wore them, and so did Sinatra. What say you? --Sean
A: If you had a face like Cary Grant, or a voice like Frank Sinatra, you can get away with calf leather opera pumps, because no one will be paying much attention to your feet. Otherwise, avoid. Either way, never let anyone hear you say the phrase "calf leather opera pumps" out loud.
Q: My aunt and soon-to-be uncle have chosen the following dress code for their wedding:
"Nice shorts or slacks and Aloha/Hawaiian shirt and flip flops or comfortable shoes."
This might be the most un-MB thing I have ever heard. Do I have ANY options? Other than disowning? --Pat
A: Suck it up, complete the outfit by draping a camera around your neck, and send us photos. We want to see the bride and groom's matching Hawaiian garb.
Q: First of all, I love your site. Your advice as led to (too) many purchases as of late. What does an MB use as a checkbook cover? It can't be the freebie from the bank. --Kyle
A: Kyle, thanks for the kind words, but we haven't written a check since the Clinton administration. Even if you still write a few, we recommend doing it in the privacy of your own home, with the curtains drawn. In other words, no cover required.
Q: I'm shopping for some new boots and or shoes that I can wear to work. I work in the music industry so, stylish is not only acceptable but encouraged. What do you think about the Clarks desert boot? Or Robert Wayne's "Crue." I have a strong suspicion that the "Crue" doesn't have a clue about MB status. --Sethro
A: Sethro, it depends on how loudly the music you work with is typically played. Clarks desert boots meet just about every MB principle: They have a pedigree, they're Anglophilic, they're matte, and Steve McQueen wore them (top). But can you see Spinal Tap rocking "Sex Farm" or "Swallow My Love" in 'em? Exactly. This is where the Robert Waynes come in (bottom). Yeah, they're square-toed and shiny with an ugly Fleur de Lys design and an even uglier pirate on the sole, but you need something similar if your bands' amps go past 10.
Q: Magnificent Bastardom is difficult when you've been dealt the hairy back card... and not just a little fuzz -- I could pass for Chewbacca's Uncle if unkept. I shave it as often as I can, even use Men's Nair on it once in while. Since upkeep time resources are significant, I do cheat once in awhile and just trim the back of my neck. I've been thinking of accepting my fate and allowing some hair to grow as it is more work to maintain my hairy back than maintain my lawn. Is it acceptable to have a 'trimmed' hairy back? [Maintained and cut short with am electric trimmer -- versus smooth and stubble free.] Any suggestions on back hair abatement tools? --BearBack in Minneapolis
A: Shaving your own back? That must require a special modification to a Gillette MACH 3 or flexibility on par with Plastic Man.
And by the way, why are you maintaining your own lawn? Do you have something against illegal aliens? We're thinking that you might even be able to get a lawn/back maintenance combo deal -- if your back hair is as thick as you say it is, it's possible only a weed whacker can truly do the trick, and let's face it, in this economy, illegal aliens are in no position to be too picky about the jobs they accept.
All kidding aside, the only solution is a series of laser treatments. Yes they are costly and painful, but in the long run cheaper than razors or moonlighting gardeners.
Q: What's an MB's breakfast drink? Mimosas seem unbastardly, so what are we to have with our mid morning breakfast when we're sailing in Hawaii? --Tripp
A: Tripp, a few thoughts:
1. Mimosas are for women. 2. While we've given lukewarm special dispensation for Tommy Bahama camp shirts while on the Hawaiian Islands, we don't for Hawaiian Island-y cocktails while you're there. Continental U.S. cocktail rules still apply: no blenders, no pastels, no straws, no flowers, and absolutely positively no umbrellas. 3. Make it a Bloody Mary. And easy on the bloody.
Q: How does the MB view going gray or in my case white around the temples? Must I go to a salon for a pro dye job or are there any good product that I can use at home? --John
A: Neither! Graying temples are like an accessory from God. Rock 'em while you can, like George Clooney did 10 years ago (top). And as the gray takes over the rest of your mane, resist your temptation for coloration. Going gray naturally is the MB way. Dyeing is best left to Las Vegas performers and Billy Mays.
Q: Fall season is upon us, and I really need to get a leather jacket. Recently, GQdid a piece on popular leather jackets for the upcoming season but I wasn't sold on any of them. Where can I get a timeless leather jacket that won't break the bank? How about this one from Banana Republic? --Christopher
A: We weren't sold on them either, Christopher, and we're not really sold on that BR jacket (bottom) you're suggesting, either. It's just one epaulette away from Members Only.
Unfortunately, Arthur Fonzerelli's most lasting cultural influence was irreparable damage to the leather motorcycle jacket. He's basically the sun, and that BR jacket is the equivalent of wearing Icarus's wax and feathers. And we all know how that turned out.
To avoid his fate, look for something non-black with texture, either in the form of quilting or washing or nappa. This Salvatore Ferragamo quilted leather bomber isn't just timeless, it's an heirloom. And probably a bank-breaker, too. If that's too rich, try this Diesel charcoal leather field jacket. Exactamundo!
Q: I recently broke my pelvis and back in a motorcycle accident because some unmagnificent bastard decided to turn left without using his blinker. Thus, I am handicapped. Soon I will be able to walk again with the use of a cane. Where can a 21 year old guy go about looking for an MB-approved cane? --Brandon
A: Sorry, Brandon. The only more annoying (and in your case dangerous) driver behavior than lack of turn indication is driving in the left-hand lane. Move over, asshole! (Please visit slowertraffickeepright.com for more information on this important matter.)
Sorry, we digress. What you need is what's called a "system" cane, one that has a dual purpose or function, like cane+knife or cane+gun, or our recommendation: cane+flask. As usual, vintage trumps new so keep your eyes on eBay. Otherwise, both Fashionablecanes.com and Target.com (!) have someoptions that will keep you upright. Or depending on what's in the flask, not.
Q: If you have nasty feet and shouldn't be wearing sandals, what do you recommend with shorts? Some Pumas with low socks? Thanks. --Chris
A: Over the last three decades, thousands of Vietnamese immigrants have journeyed across oceans in boats we'd be afraid to board in a wading pool just to make your feet presentable in sandals. Get a pedicure! And if you think that sounds kind of girly, do you know who else gets pedicures? Lions! Well, circus lions anyway. And if it's man enough for them, it's man enough for you too.
And what if you have some kind of physical deformity a pedi can't cure? You're on the right track. We prefer anything vintage from Puma, Tretorn, Adidas, with no-show socks or none at all. You'd have a hard time going wrong picking just about anything from Classic Sport Shoes' Adidas Originals page.
Q: Hi, I inherited a vintage 1950s stainless Rolex Oyster that looks almost identical to this photo. Would you recommend the standard stainless Oyster band for this baby or perhaps a black nylon strap? --Chris
A: This watch can only be worn with the stainless bracelet. Why? Because the dial is silver. After a couple of recent watch/band questions it's time we simply and clearly state the rule: a black nylon strap is allowed only if your watch's dial is black.
Q: I am fully on board with your preference for vintage sneakers (Jack Purcells, etc.) for casual wear and would like to get on board. There's just one problem: I have plantar fasciitis, and my podiatrist says it won't get better if I wear unsupportive shoes. By supportive, he means shoes with a 3/4 length nylon shank built into the mid sole - i.e. a shoe that has a rigid arch. I can't seem to find any casual sneakers with this feature. There are plenty of running/athletic shoes out there, but they are only MB approved for their intended function. Are there any MB approved shoes that I can wear to the ballpark, rock concert, the beach, etc that will give me the support I need? --Mark
A: What the hell do we look like? Dr. Scholl?
A few weeks ago when the Washington Postwrote about the demise of Crocs (and George Clooney being their only hope), several commenters were crushed by the news because Crocs were the only thing that relieved their plantar fasciitis. Some additional Googling and it seems to be true: Crocs help plantar fasciitis. So we say get a pair, wrap them in silver duct tape, and if anyone asks about what the heck is on your feet, tell them they came recommended by Dr. Scholl.
A: If by "all the celebrities" you mean Twilight series star Robert Pattinson, then you're right. He doesn't leave home without them. But just like Pattinson is at peak, so are the Ray-Ban Clubmaster, and you want to stay on the left side of the trend curve.
Q: I've got a 1960 gold faced Omega Constellation that I just repaired. Do I understand correctly that gold faced watches are more formal than darker faced watches? If so, could you please recommend a good band to dress it down suitably? Perhaps a matte black nylon number? --Will
A: First, gold-faced is certainly dressier than dark-faced. Second, putting a nylon band on this watch would the equivalent of putting snowtires on a limosine. Finally, while we prefer silver over gold, you own a cool watch. Just put a black leather band on it and enjoy at the next wedding/funeral/church service.
Q: I am going to be coming home after a year long deployment to Afghanistan later this year and I am planning on buying a vehicle and would like your thoughts. It's down to either a 2009 Triumph Bonneville or a 1970s International Harvester Scout II (with no top). Both of them have a senseless lack of utility because they aren't driveable in the rain and are also completely impractical. I think the Bonneville has a little more understatement going for it and Steve McQueen used to ride one, but the Scout is more exclusive because it's older and it has a much higher chance of constantly breaking down. What are your thoughts? --Blake
A: Blake, we have an unhealthy (and expensive) obsession with vintage International Harvester trucks -- we have one on the farm in Pulaski -- so it's an easy call. But even if we didn't we'd still vote IH because everything else being equal, vintage always trumps new.
Q: Polo shirt buttons. Buttoned to the top? Button the bottom one? Keep 'em all open? I'm thinking keep them open or button the bottom depending on how far down the shirt they go. What is MB polo shirt buttoning policy? --Jay
A: Buttoned to the top? Most definitely not. Too reminiscent of Ed Grimley (albeit in a woven) or certain toolbaggish PGA tour players. Otherwise, Jay, you've basically got it. The Official Magnificent Bastard Polo Shirt Buttoning Policy is as follows:
n - 2
Where n equals the number of buttons. A fully unbuttoned Lacoste polo (2 buttons) looks perfect. A fully unbuttoned J.Crew polo (3 buttons) looks a shade TTH, which is why it's displayed on their site in n-2.
Q: I am updating my room and I need to find some magnificent new bedding. Could you recommend any sites or places to shop? --Don
A: Of course. Any place you spend 8 hours sleeping and an additional 2-3 minutes for occasional extra-curricular activities needs to be fully MB-ed. Here are our recommendations:
Comforter: Overstock.com is the best place to find a comforter. Down, of course. Great selection and you can find exactly the size and warmth level you want.
Sheets (summer):High thread-count Tencel from Bed Bath & Beyond. This is made from the pulp of eucalyptus trees, and has a very pleasant "cool" feeling on a night when the A/C is on the fritz.
Sheets (winter): It will be here before you know it. High thread-count cotton from Target. People swear by this stuff and we're with 'em.
Q: Is it MB to wear a dark shirt (think black, navy blue, brown) and a tie with a suit? MB-in-training in crisis as I have a number of nice, dark shirts and don't feel right wearing em with suits and ties. --Moshe
A: Moshe, your instincts are strong. If you combine dark shirts with suits, the good news is that you are all but guaranteed to become a huge success in the entertainment industry. The bad news is on the left.
Q: Hi, really love the site and the advice. Unfortunately lots of things you advise or link to is for US only (e.g. J.Crew). Can you advise a good shopping website for a MB living in Europe? --Francesco
A: Francisco, thanks for placing your trust in us -- we are always happy to do our part to promote U.S. cultural imperialism, even if it's by way of clothes designed by Frenchmen and manufactured by the Chinese. Yoox.com ships anywhere.
Never wear pants that can moonlight as letter openers.Q: Most of my slacks don't have pleats, but my dry cleaner still presses them with a center crease. I prefer no crease for a clean flat front, and instruct the dry cleaner to press "no crease" - but they can't get it right. Every time they press a pant I have them redone without the crease. Is my dry cleaner stuck in 1980 or do I need to adjust my no-crease look? --Moxie
A: Moxie, your style instincts are good, but we have doubts about your resolve. If your dry cleaner can coerce you into changing your style, what is going to happen when you have a wife?
We are strongly anti-crease in virtually all situations, and don't even consider buying pants unless we think we can get the crease out. You need to get your dry cleaner on the no-crease plan or find a new one who is completely fluent in English. They will be lazier than newly arrived immigrants looking to impress, and happy to keep your pants creaseless.
Q: I'm in an upcoming wedding, and we're wearing pocket squares. Any suggestions on how to fold those suckers like an MB? --Mike
A: Mike, we've covered this before and stand by the advice given: apply Occam's Razor and keep it simple with either a one-point or flat fold. Even moreso for a wedding because those photographs have a way of lingering on mantles, walls, side tables, and Facebook -- and those two options have best stood the test of time.
Top: Ol' Blue Eyes with some youthful indiscretion.
Bottom: More mature Sinatra goes artfully disheveled, timeless.
Q: I used to carry my 15 inch laptop in a black leather John Varvatos shoulder bag (pictured) with an added padded sleeve for protection. However due to work reasons I moved up to the 17 inch laptop. The ugly stick smacks incredibly hard on the choices for what to carry around a 17 inch laptop around in, and I dislike wearing backpacks. Any suggestions of what may be acceptable. My only thought is that I may have to go back to the 15 inch laptop for my dignity. --Bruce
A: Bruce, you're answering your own question. (And, man, we love those types of questions. Ask us another!) The fact that you can't find a stylish bag for a 17" laptop, well, the universe is telling you something. Allow us to translate: The only people who regularly lug around 17-inch laptops are thieves stealing 17-inch laptops. They usually use a burlap sack. We recommend you stick with a 15-inch laptop or smaller, and regain your lost dignity. Not to mention, the bag you already own is fucking gorgeous.
Q: So, you're wearing the dangly tie, you've suddenly got a lot of bending over to do - potential interference with others involved... What is your position on tie-tucking? In the pocket? Into the shirt a couple of buttons down? Not at all?! --Mark
A: Either you're the most formal heart surgeon in the world (in which case we encourage you to opt for a more casual look that keeps your patients' aortas clear of highly infectious repp ties). Or you're nailing a co-worker, in which case we encourage you to tuck your tie in between two shirt buttons. You don't want to lose a nooner who doesn't even ask you to take your shirt off to a long-term disability claim.
'Lance, I bet you can't wait to get out there. See, you can break both ways. One guy can break right, one left simultaneous. What do you think of that?'Q: What brand and model of sunglasses does Robert Duvall's character, Col. Kilgore, wear in Apocalypse Now? Searching for those for a while and can't figure them out. --Jason
A: We had a strong hunch they were Randolph Engineering aviators, and after contacting their marketing department yesterday, confirmed it. They're $99 and available here. But fair warning: these really work best for Col. and above.
(See previous post regarding Kilgore's slightly less-successful dogtag and bracelet accessorization.)
First, placement: you want to put them up past your elbows, like you're ready to give blood. Second, how you get there is crucial. A repetitive push-and-roll technique is required. As you turn the sleeve, simultaneously push it up your arm and repeat until it's past your elbow to achieve the perfect amount of artful dishevelment.
Q: Really enjoying your site. What's your view on facial hair? Specifically, the perpetual five o'clock shadow? I realize we are well past the days of Miami Vice, but I think you can be MB if you keep it neat (figuratively speaking) and pair it with an appropriate contrast (e.g. with a suit). --AP
A: AP, we see where you're going with the contrast idea, but consider this: the reason why Don Johnson never quite looked right is that he was otherwise so perfectly styled -- you can practically smell his cologne from this photograph -- that the five o'clock shadow looked affected. Any man who can find time for highlights can certainly find time to shave.
It works for Jason Statham, on the other hand, because it looks like he probably slept in those clothes, and reeks of cigarette smoke, bourbon, and possibly blood. Our recommendation: if you are absolutely nowhere near a razor blade for long enough to acquire stubble, then it's permitted (e.g. hostage situatons, elevator breakdowns, desert island plane wrecks.) Otherwise, shave or carry a big gun wherever you go, so it's clear you're not a gigolo.
Q: My husband is walking his sister down the aisle and the groom/groomsmen are wearing blackwatch plaid kilts. Not interested in the kilt thing, but what about a blackwatch plaid necktie with his black suit? Thanks. --Nicole
A: Nicole, your instincts are strong. That's the perfect nod to a tradition that's best left to real Scots.
Timex Military Watch via J.Crew. $150.00.Q: I have a problem. It's called small wrists. 40mm watches are too big, but 30-36mm are good. Everything you've suggested so far (Westcoastime, etc...) have watches that are way too big for me. Can you suggest something smaller for us skinnier folk? And under $400? --Alan J.
Q: My inner caveman has to ask: is it ever appropriate to wear clothing or accessories with animal-print patterns? --Pierlo
A: Roy is wearing gallons of hair gel, approximately $30,000 worth of unconvincing plastic surgery, and a couple of blinged-out crosses even MC Hammer would dismiss as tacky, and you know what? His jacket is still the worst thing in this picture. Which is all you need to know about wearing animal-print patterns. We do endorse wearing animals, however -- but not on your face, while they're still alive.
Q: I am the officiant of a wedding at the end of July, the ceremony will be held in the mountains at around 5pm, and I'm having a hard time deciding on a black or grey suit. Any quick suggestions? Also, shirt/tie color combinations would be very helpful. Thanks. --Mackenzie
A: As a regular attendee, we'd argue in favor of khaki. But since you're the guy reading the vows the objectives are:
A. to not overshadow the groom, and B. to not be mistaken for a priest
That leaves grey as our recommendation, with white shirt and neutral tie. Think Cary Grant in North by Northwest.
Q: Based on this link I'm pretty sure this proves that plaid shorts are post-peak. I've loved my plaid shorts from Penguin and the like for 3 or 4 years now but I think the style is over. What are alternatives for shorts in summer if Tommy Bahama has taken to plaid short production? --Bradley
Just like Eddie Van Halen's toolbaggish, sleep-inducing, fret-jerking in "Beat It" couldn't kill the guitar solo, Tommy Bahama can't kill plaid. Next season they'll be back to florals (bottom). Wear the Penguins and the like without fear.
Briggs & Riley Baseline Map Bag via eBags.com. $85.00.Q: I'm a college kid that has recently started working. I need a bag that I can take to work that's small -- to carry stuff like my mp3 player, headphones, a sandwich, and my water bottle. For the past few months, I've been using the Briggs & Riley Map Bag (in black), here. Is this MB? I don't want a full size messenger or a briefcase because I'm not really carrying that much stuff. Suggestions?
A: A map bag? Are you planning an invasion?
This looks a little man-pursey to us, though you've chosen wisely from the Briggs & Riley collection. The rest of it has a fatal case of Tumi-itus. But why the bag in the first place? What MP3 player is so big it needs a bag? You can slip a small, cell phone-like device into the front pocket of your pants or the interior pocket of your blazer (the preferred MB method) and you're good to go. Carrying a sandwich around with you all day is a health hazard, a style faux pas, and technologically obsolete -- just make sure your device of choice has an app to find the nearest restaurant. And also an app to find the nearest drinking fountain.
Q: I really like the glasses Brad Pitt wears in "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" and was wondering if you knew where to get a pair of similar looking specs. --Michael
A: Pitt's character is wearing an old P3 wire frame (a.k.a. Marshwood). It was at peak popularity in the 1930s and 40s. All the big american frame companies had a version during that time (American Optical, Artcraft, Bausch & Lomb, Shuron), so you will easily be able to find them on eBay or your local antique store. Besides Benjamin Button, Lennon and Truman are among past prominent wearers of this style.
Block Degas Fedora via Village Hat Shop. $53.00.Q: I'm heading to Hawaii in a couple of weeks (for leisure) and I'm starting to think about what to bring. Keeping the luggage level to carry-on is a must, but I need to pack a hat. Where can I find something that could pack easily, but wouldn't look like I'm looking for the nearest trout stream? --Joe
A: Joe, you're really visiting Hawaii in July? Can you reschedule for January? Either way, a hat is a good idea and a brand we really like is Block Headwear. They really get the "classic with a twist" aesthetic we dig. Several of their spring/summer straw hats are crushable, like the Degas fedora. (And their tag can easily be removed.)
Q: Is there a MB way to carry one's lunch to work (retro tin lunchbox, insulated bag, brown bag, grocery bag, etc.)? Please enlighten me. --Bryan
A: If you are getting to work before lunch, you are working too hard. If in fact you are working that hard, at least treat yourself to a nice leisurely meal at a restaurant, with a waitress. If you can't afford a restaurant, then we suggest you bring your lunch to work in a bottle of Dewar's.
Puma Black Label black leather 'Speedcat Re-Luxe' sneakers via bluefly.com. $168.00.Q: So I've been searching for a pair of black shoes for around 2 months now. My initial thought was something between casual and dressy. I would like to have the flexibility to wear them with jeans or a pair of nice pants. Any MB help/recommendations would be great. --Chris
A: Chris, you obviously haven't been reading this site for 2 months because you'd know the answer to your footwear dilemma lies in Puma Sport Fashion. End of story. A few of us were in Dasslerversions (sockless, of course) at a wedding reception at the Pulaski (WI) American Legion on Saturday night and the feedback was universally positive.
Q: Here's the plan: my friends and I have rented out a house in Nosara, Costa Rica for a month. We will all be surfing. What style is appropriate for:
a) Pre surfing?
b) when surfing? (we are beginners)
c) post surfing?
We are all in our early to mid twenties (23-24 years old). Thanks a lot for any suggestions MB! --Eric
A: Eric, we think you're planning at least one too many costume changes -- you're going surfing, not performing in a Cher concert (she'll be at Ceasars in September). 5-7" inseam boardshorts are what's needed here for all three scenarios (see our swimsuit length graphic). Except for the apres surf we'd recommend pairing with a terrycloth cabana jacket or robe, just like what Paul Newman would do (pictured).
Q: No question, I just want to nominate Janko Tipsarevic for a Toolbag award. How one can manage to pollute tennis whites is beyond me, but this guy figured out how by adding the perfect toolbag sunglasses. I'm guessing they're Oakleys, but if not, they may as well be. --Jackie Treehorn
A: It is indeed difficult to turn the Wimbledon Whites into toolbag, though Rafa Nadal did it last year in the finals. Even the typically MB Roger Federer raised several of our eyebrows with his warmup vest in this year's first round. In between sets, does he moonlight as a waiter? We'll take a round of gin and tonics. Hendrick's.
Anyhow, like Nadal, Janko just has TB in him. Look at him at the French, with tank top and matching blades (bottom). And that tattoo, which we're pretty sure says "No fat chicks!" in kanji. Wimbledon's rules can only tamp the TB down. The good news: he's out after the 2nd round.
Q: What's you take on pocket watches? Are they MB approved or should I be looking for a new timepiece? --James
A: If you have a time machine and can go back to the 1800s, OK. Otherwise, they're too evocative of wallet chains. Or even worse, you might be mistaken for a Civil War reenactor.
Q: I've recently updated my wardrobe for the summer but I'm missing a crucial piece: the Russian navy shirt (as seen on the J. Peterman website). $44 seems too much for just a shirt, so I was wondering if there were better deals on these shirts. Can you help me maintain the Magnificent Bastard look while maintaining the cheap bastard mindset? --Daniel
A: We agree $44 is too expensive for that shirt. In fact, we think $4 is too expensive. Unless you are a professional gondolier and can write it off.
If you need the nautical look, we recommend separating your blues and whites like JFK (pictured). If you're still wanting stripes, J.Crew has a couple of muchmore subtle, less costumey options, and they're cheaper too.
Q: There is some toolbaggery going on here. Are those Crocs? --Kevin
A: To our eye, it looks like an animal died to make the President's sandals. (Thanks to Reuters photographer Mike Theiler for sensing where the real story was.) So, no, they're not Crocs, which are made entirely from anti-fungal fossil fuels. They do have a very Crocs-like sole, however, and we imagined they looked great on the golf course he was headed toward, if that golf course had a styrofoam castle on the 18th hole.
Q: I'm trying to find a casual everyday type watch to buy that I can just snap on with any outfit. I don't really know if I should go with a leather, steel, or nylon strap. I was looking for something affordable a college student in his 20s can wear. People told me to try out Nixon watches but sometimes I feel their watches are a little toolbaggy at times. Help! --Brian
A:
The Watch: Nixon often triestoohard, so choose wisely. We're fans of vintage, so do some poking around ebay or your local antique shops; you might find something cool. For new, our favorite watch shop is Howard Marx's Westcoastime*. He just got in 50 custom pieces of the Ollech & Wajs "Kartago." This is a fantastic Swiss-made watch that definitely meets your "snap on with any outfit" criterion. It's likely a little much for a college student's budget ($429.00), but unlike anything from Nixon, you'll enjoy it through graduation, marriage, kids, and likely beyond.
Q: I'm always looking to swap out my golf gear for better, more MB-ish accessories (simplify, simplify, simplify). I am currently looking for the best golf bag and towel. What is the stylish gear the leggy-model in your banner is carrying? --Your Supplicant, Kevin
A:
The Bag:The Original Mackenzie Walker. We guarantee this is the best golf bag you will ever own. It will also be the last golf bag you ever own. The only problem is that it's $735.00. But worth every penny, and probably a value if you consider you'll go through 4-5 ordinary bags in your lifetime.
The Towel: Available at every Ritz Carlton worldwide. Right next to the hand towels and washcloths. Anywhere from $179.00 to $3,700/night depending on room size and view. (Pictured: Ritz Carlton South Beach)
Q: Hey guys, love the site and what you're doing. I was wondering what your take on medical identification (i.e. bracelets, dog tags, and the like) was. I've been a type 1 diabetic for over nine years and have always refused to wear medical ID's because they tend to make people feel sorry for you ... and because most of the ones that I've seen, look ridiculous. However, recent events have brought to light the necessity of wearing a medical ID and I can thus no longer ignore the issue. What type of medical ID would say "hell yea I have diabetes, what about it?", while still maintaining the fashion style of an MB? --Iain
A: Here are the options as we see them:
Option A: Wear a necklace. They are barely visible 95% of the time and will indicate your medical need when necessary. If you're like us and can't stand things hanging from your neck, then...
Option B:This stainless bracelet (top) is $14.00 and is better-looking than any medical ID accessory we've seen.
Option C: If you are feeling flush, with the help of Tiffany you could make a one-of-a kind piece to last a lifetime. Buy a Tiffany 1837 I.D. bracelet (bottom) and work with their customer service -- and they are all about customer service -- to get the custom engraving your body needs.
'I'm so depressed! If I had two heads, I could wear a hoodie too.'I'm 5'10" 140 lbs. with a semi-athletic build. What is the best kind of jeans, shirt, hoodie and possibly hat to go for a hipster look? --Patrick
A: Hat and hoodie? Do you have two heads? Because if so, 140 lbs. is really skinny.
Even if you've got just one head, we're not sure why you're wanting to go for this look. However, if you insist: spend $150 at Urban Outfitters, donate your razor blades to hairy orphans in Malawi, and you're there.
It's John Daly's *pants* that have the drinking problemQ: I recently noticed Phil Mickelson wearing golf shirts with shorter than standard short sleeves. As a guy with short muscular arms I would love to get shirts with these extra short sleeves. Where does he get them or are they made special for him? --Ron
A: Phil Mickelson has a large endorsement deal with Callaway, so it's a very safe bet they make his shirts. And, being the #2 player in the world, he can get Callaway to make anything he wants. (Though someone at Callaway should have the courage to tell Phil to add a little material around the torso. It's looking increasingly sausage-like, with a side of manboobs.)
Anyhow, we strongly endorse shorter sleeves on polos, especially if you have pipes worthy of display. The sleeve length on many of today's golf shirts, one can't tell if they're short long-sleeves or long short-sleeves (see John Daly at last week's St. Jude Classic). But don't make this a big concern. You can have your golf shirt sleeves shortened to taste by a tailor for $10-$15. And if you're cursed with Mickelson's waistline, try to find a tailor who moonlights as a plastic surgeon.
Q: Is there any way a tattoo can be MB-approved if it is done for the sake of irony? A friend of mine, who for the most part has the MB style going on, just got a tattoo of a pirate ship on his chest. --Leroy
A: Leroy, does your friend know that tattoos are permanent? Irony is best left to things that can be changed or shaved, like t-shirts or facial hair, although an ironic "Mom" tattoo on either bicep would be acceptable.
Borg winning Wimbledon in 1980Q: Are track jackets still Mag-Bastardly? Or, have they been relegated to soccer hoodlums and clearance sales on Rockstar? By the way, I'm referring to the classics- Fred Perry, Adidas, etc. that are worn during appropriate, casual times (i.e. not your "going out" jacket). --ARP
A: Track jackets hit peak popularity a few years ago, with every designer and their uncle doing a version. We've definitely noticed a drop-off in our own track jacket wearing over the past 4-5 years, but the classics like Adidas Originals or Fila verge on timeless.
Q: I stumbled upon your site about a month ago and have checked it every day since. I see that you are high on Panerai watches, but also say that you think the maximum size watch an MB should wear is 40 mm. I have a Panerai which it 44 mm and I think that is the smallest watch they make. So I'm confused do you like Panerai watches or are they too big? I think it is perfect. Thanks. --Joe
A: We like Panerai and no, they're not too big. The Luminor GMT PAM 00244 is 40MM as are several other new models. Older 40MM models like the gorgeous PAM00159 (pictured) and PAM00160 are also available on eBay and and other web shops.
If you think it's perfect, chances are you've got thick, Popeye-like forearms. In that case, 44MM is in proportion. For normal landlubbers a 44MM watch can look like you've glued a minute hand on a dinner plate.
Q: I'm a freshman in college, about to enter my sophomore year, and I've just started reading MB, but I do consider myself rather stylish on an unemployed college student's budget. What's an MBs stance on collared shirt under a sweater with both of the sleeves rolled up over jeans? And do you have any other general tips to get that artfully disheveled look to truly shine? Thanks. --Mike
A: Mike, you're young and a still a little wet behind the ears, so we'll go easy. This look can be categorized as TTH (Trying Too Hard). Artful dishevelment is indeed calculated, but ends up looking like you didn't try at all. This looks like you tried; not to mention it's also going to stretch the shit out of your sweater sleeves. It's only OK if you're involved in an emergency birth.
Q: Sorry for the short notice, but I need help. I'm traveling to Italy this Friday and my girlfriend, who has already been there for a few weeks, emailed me to warn that I should "bring your MB best." I prefer to travel very light, but am going to be there for two weeks. What are some bastardly standards I should consider when packing? Specifically, essentials I should have that will travel well, how many of what items, and what/how many shoes? Thanks, and keep up the exceptional work. --Harith
A: Certainly the objective is to get everything to fit into a 21" roller and a shoulder bag, and if that means going commando for a while, it beats checking luggage. With that in mind, here are the ingredients you need:
3
Pair of shoes. 1 leather sandal or loafer, 1 Puma sport fashion, 1 pair of flip-flops (for the beach and pool).
3-4
Knit shirts and t-shirts. No logos, and for Pete's sake, no legibility.
3
Pair of jeans. 2 blue, one white.
2
Pair of shorts. But be sure not to wear these while strolling during passeggiata. That's a pants deal.
3-4
Long-sleeve or short-sleeve woven shirts. Keep it casual.
2
Pair of your most killer socks. (However, most of the time you can go sockless.)
1
Casual blazer.
1
Summer-weight, fine-gauge cashmere sweater.
For the flight
Wear your most comfortable pair of jeans and the blazer (and the sweater too if the bags are full).
Something else to remember
You are in the global center of fashion and apparel. Forget the recession for a couple of weeks and buy! Even the smallest towns have some of the best menswear on the planet.
Q: I have to go to an all white event (Bar Mitzvah). I have a white linen shirt and white linen pants. Can I wear both or do I need another top. And if the answer is yes, do I need a blazer or sweater? --Kevin
A: Kevin, it would seem you haven't seen our bit on linen. It's trouble, and can turn a fella into a total mess within seconds. We've seen it happen. But when life gives you lemons, we say make lemonade (or at least some really outstanding lemon twists). Second, nobody wears white-on-white, except hospital orderlies and Mr. Clean (inset). So the objective is to break up the white with a shade of white, either in a different shirt, a sweater, or blazer. Take a look at this picture from the DKNY collection at Bloomingdale's, then ask the host if you can go as a bed.
Cary Grant in North by Northwest, 1959Q: I have recently decided to do a full overhaul of my old and worn-out wardrobe and go all-out to become a certified MB (I have already started by purchasing a J.Fold V12 black/brown wallet). The journey is long, but with your help I think it's possible. Today my I find myself torn over sunglasses, and I have a few questions for you.
The first question is on lens color. Back in 2001 or so I had a pair of Oakley with a reflective, metallic-blue lens coating. Looking back on it, I wonder if (brand aside) they were a rather toolbaggy thing to buy (my only excuse being that I was 16 at the time). Although I am not considering going that path again, I wonder -- is it ever acceptable for an MB to wear any color other than black/tan lenses or do the other colors (ie. red, blue, green) not conform to the principle of understatement?
The second question is hopefully simple. I know you have already quite reluctantly defined a few lightweight sunglasses (i.e. Serengeti Vedi, Rudy Project Murphy, Maui Jim Kailua and, yes, even Oakley Nanowires) as acceptable for use while performing activities such as jogging. Is it acceptable to don those types of eyewear for everyday use or are they strictly application specific like most activewear? With my facial structure I find "fashion" sunglasses tend to look odd and I would rather continue without than pay for prescription sunglasses just so I can look like a TB whenever the sun is shining. --Adam
A: First of all, we'll cut you a little slack for the metallic-blue reflector Oakleys. You were only 16, preoccupied with acne, masturbation, and trying to find a prom date. Sunglass lens color was not a top priority at the time.
You've sort of answered Part I: The classic sunglass lens colors -- grey (some people call this black), brown, bottle green and grey/green (aka G15) -- are a good way to go for everyday use. They're cosmetically acceptable and functionally have endured the test of time. Here's an excerpt from eyetopics.com on the various functions of lens colors:
Gray
Gray sunglass lenses reduce light intensity without altering the color of objects. Thus, they provide the most natural color vision. Gray is the most popular sunglass lens color in the United States.
Brown
Brown lenses enhance contrast by blocking a larger percentage of blue light than gray lenses do. Brown lenses provide a warmer appearance to colors and make greens more vibrant.
Green
Green sunglass lenses provide a cool, soothing tone to colors. Though not as popular as gray or brown lenses, green lenses are often used to create the classic look of aviator-style sunglasses (Ed. note: "Green" today is actually grey/green or G15. You may want to consider bottle green popular during the 1950s/60s).
Amber
Amber sunglass lenses block all or nearly all blue light for superior contrast. Amber-colored lenses are frequently referred to as "blue blocker" lenses or "shooter's sunglasses." (Amber-colored lenses are popular among hunters because they provide enhanced contrast when looking at birds and clay targets against the sky.) Though these lenses enhance contrast, they also distort colors and may not be suitable for driving and other activities that require accurate color recognition.
Pink, Orange, Rose and Blue
These and other vibrant colors are available for fashion sunglasses. These lens colors can cause severe color distortion and are unsuitable for driving and other tasks when color recognition is important.
Now for Part II: Don't you usually change out of your New Balance running shoes before going to dinner? There are better understated sunglass choices for everyday use than sport shades. If TTH (Trying Too Hard) fashion sunglasses make you feel self-conscious (and hopefully they do), try classic, ophthalmic styles from mid-20th Century (see our sunglasses channel for examples). Too often, guys today, even well-dressed guys, have only one pair of sunglasses or several pairs of sports sunglasses. Ironically, when men get dressed, they make sure their outfit works together and is appropriate for whatever function they're attending. Then they put on our only pair of sunglasses and get into the only car they own (or lease) -- the two weak links in how most men are showing up.
Q: Hey MB. What sunglasses is the baby wearing in The Hangover? --Rich
A: It appears both the baby and the co-star Zack Galifianakis are wearing the BluBlocker Demi Tortoise Nylon frame, which, at just $14.95 seems like one hell of a value in spite of logos on the temples. Lose 'em, sit on 'em, ain't no big deal. Recommended.
Q: Help me settle an argument: If you tuck in your shirt while wearing jeans should you wear a belt? My position is that you should always wear a belt when you tuck something in. --Eric
A: We hope you don't have too large of a wager, because it's certainly OK to forego the belt with jeans when you tuck. 9 out of 10 times we'll wear a belt for either accessorization or pant-holding-up purposes (actual function). However with the right denim or right shirt, feel free to leave the belt in your closet.
Q: As a recent college graduate, and as a Staples Center suite ticket owner, what is appropriate attire for Lakers games? I know a jersey and jeans just wont cut it. Thanks for your help! --Chris
A: A recent college graduate and Staples Center suite owner? Pace yourself, Chris. You don't want to peak too early.
Anyhow, a jersey and jeans is indeed out. Just have a look at Joel Madden and this other jersey and foam-finger wearing fella (top). Don't be that guy. For the celebrity set there's an ongoing competition to see who can most successfully affect the just-rolled-out-of-bed-and-showed-up-at-Lakers-game look. Jack Black, we declare you the winner. In spite of the unfortunate fact that your team's primary color is purple, we recommend trying to look like a fan without trying too hard, like David Beckham in this barely-purple fine-knit crewneck sweater (-tie).
Game 1 on Thursday, Chris, and we'll be there in spirit. In reality, we'll be in Pulaski, WI.
Q: What is the MB stance on drinking beer on the golf course? I like beer as much as the next guy and have been known to enjoy a beer during a round. But I turned a buddy down during a recent round when he asked if I wanted one. Aside from any possible negative effects on my score, the reason was that I realized that about 95% of the people I see drinking beer on the course exhibit all the symptoms of a toolbag (cargo shorts, untucked shirts, Oakleys, taking way too long, etc.). So I came to the conclusion that, while drinking beer while playing may not be inherently toolbag, it becomes toolbag by association.
So what says the MB? Is drinking beer on the course ever acceptable? If not, is there an acceptable alternative alcoholic beverage? --Brett
A: Brett, you started off by asking a question, and then, after some toolbag observation and deductive reasoning, answered it on your own, correctly. Well done. As for Part 2 of your question, we never drink on the golf course as it negatively affects performance, again, as you observe. However, once we putt out on 18 it's a stampede to the bar that's sometimes a potentially life-threatening The Who-like experience.
Q: I'm an avid reader... and have to say... you're starting to read my mind. Last night, my wife and I were watching TV -- and saw the belt bug spray fan-thing. I said, I bet the MB would NOT approve of that. She agreed and said it looks like a flea collar. Now, less than 12 hours later, you post something on it. You da man.
Now here's a situation that you're sure to agree with me. I bought these shoes. They have the feel of Crocs (though, I must say I have NEVER owned a pair.) I plan to wear them to the pool, at the beach and when we go whitewater rafting. But the other day, I saw someone wear a pair to the movies. When will toolbags learn? --John
A: John, we may need to graduate you to full-on Vulcan mind-meld. The fact that you mentioned Crocs in the same breath as a recent footwear purchase should set off alarm bells. Do you still have the receipt?
We're strongly opposed to this entire genre of footwear, whether it be Crocs, Keen, or Teva. These are for the fleece and granola set, where MBs are as rare as a dodo bird.
Incidentally, for the rafting we recommend an old pair of Jack Purcells. They work great and look amazing.
Q: I'm in the market for a new watch. But other than following the comformity of society, I want to go my own direction. I want a time piece that will be a conversation piece. I found on the web these Eduardo Milieris Watchcraft watches. Can this be the answer I am looking for? --Nate
A: If you want to look like the most punctual Roman slave ever, we say buy one.
AG Protege Lightweight Jeans via Neiman Marcus. $172.00.Q: I read your article about shorts at night and wanted present a more specific scenario. You said, "Wearing shorts after dark is strictly for college boys and parking valets." However, I live on an island (Galveston, TX) where local culture seems to allow shorts at any time and nearly any place. Would shorts after dark be MB-approved in this situation? --Justin
A: Sure, you can wear shorts after dark in Galveston, but only if you're planning to make an appearance on COPS. If you are, we also recommend ditching your shirt and your teeth too, to complete the outfit. If a COPS cameo is not in the cards, get to know lightweight denim like this AG version; they will change the way you think about jeans. Just don't pair with those boots.
Q: OK, so linen is out, and I understand that. But what about this chino suit at Banana Republic? It's 65% Cotton, 35% Linen. Thanks. This is kind of an emergency because I've got a wedding to go to this weekend and it could be very hot. Other options? --Nick
A: Online shopping is out given the urgency, which is too bad because YOOX always has something worth trying out. Anyhow, you can do a lot worse than that Banana suit, and the 65% cotton will keep it from looking like you slept in it. A couple of recommended edits and suggestions:
1. Have your cleaner take out the creases. We don't endorse creases, especially on a casual suit like this.
2. Do not pair with penny loafers as pictured. Check our shoes channel for all kinds of better options.
Q: As the summer and thus the warm weather approach I find myself breaking out the summer clothes again. However, I also find myself in need of a wardrobe update. I've got the footwear and shorts down, thanks to your Magnificently Bastard-like advice, but the issue of what should cover my torso perplexes me. I know that, unless playing golf, polo shirts announce to everyone that I'm a toolbag and that they should ask me if they need a hammer or a wrench. I also completely agree that "graphic Ts" are out of the question which leaves me with the question: What casual shirts does a magnificent bastard wear in warm weather? --Braden
A: First of all, leave the jokes to us. Second, yes, graphic Ts are beyond outgoing but a cool polo is timeless. Avoid the mock turtleneck at all costs. (You listenin' Tiger Woods?) A woven long sleeve with pants and rolled sleeves works, and designer Michael Bastian demonstrated this can work with shorts as well. This season nearly every designer is showing a short-sleeve woven, and while they're generally not NASA scientist style (shown here in paper Spock ears in 1967), the degree of difficulty of pulling off this look is high and requires the right physique. Finally, nothing beats a plain ol' grey or white T. Calvin Klein used to make "the best t-shirt ever" but no more and we're trying to find a replacement, or just make it ourselves. Stay tuned.
Q: My brother-in-law is all over Cordarounds. I'm not so sure. Your thoughts? --Jim
A: Horizontal corduroy pants! The world's been needing this for a while now.
While that's a little gimmicky, and their smoking jacket has skull hardware (inset), for just $55 they sell a pair of pants from a print of the Virgin Mary (guitar not included). When you throw this much stuff against the wall, some of it is bound to stick.
At least they have resisted the urge to reinvent the vertical fly.
Q: I know that the "sun never sets on cool" but I think men who wear sunglasses inside are not MBs, no? So wear does an MB place his sun spectacles while indoors or elsewhere? --Robert
A: Robert, your instincts on the un-MBness of wearing sunglasses indoors are strong. Comedian Larry David put it best: "You know who wears sunglasses inside? Blind people and assholes." We've covered sunglass placement very extensively before, but perhaps too extensively. It could just be boiled down to: "Don't look like Mystery from The Pickup Artist."
Survey Says: Black and brown are both OKQ: Two simple, related questions that you may have already answered:
1. Grey suit, white shirt, navy blue tie. What color shoes?
2. Navy blue suit. What color shoes?
Your answer will settle a family feud. --Ben
A: Ben, unfortunately we won't be able to settle the family feud. Between the two of you, you're right. Either black or brown shoes are perfectly acceptable in both of these scenarios. Our guess is what's throwing one of you off is the navy + brown combo. Maybe granddad only paired navy with black, but navy with brown looks great and is one small way to stand apart.
Q: Well I went looking for the Dassler Kapitans (from the post on April 27, 2009) at Puma's site and they only have one size...for people with very small feet. Guess I missed the window on those. Any suggestions for a comparable alternative? Also, what is the shoe the MB has on in the current header, out of curiosity? --Gregory
A: Too bad on the Kapitans. There are a couple pair in larger sizes available on ebay for only $83.11, but in a lighter brown. Also, keep your eyes open on store.puma.com because they do restock.
For a substitute, take a look at the Roma Re-Luxe which is available in many sizes at Zappos. We've probably said this before, but Puma is redefining men's footwear, and we're totally on board. Now men just need more things to wear these with besides denim.
Regarding the golf shoes the MB is wearing in the header photo, they're Adidas "modo Delmar," and are widely unavailable. One thing we've learned about Adidas golf shoes, if you find a pair you like, buy a half-dozen of them because they will be completely gone the following season.
Men's sandals. Apart from the pedicure issue and disqualification of Crocs, can you recommend a pair of that I can use on my sailboat getting to the beach, use to get to the beach from the boat (involves getting wet), walking on the beach to the overpriced but decent Sunset Beach Hotel in the Hamptons, wear in the casual-but-hip outdoor restaurant/bar and after several cocktails, wear getting back to the boat (involves getting wet again). I do not want to carry three pairs of shoes on the boat as I am often on trips of a week or so and want to travel light.
Thanks again and keep the advise coming. --Brian
A: Whew! These Hamptons trips sound like a lot of work!
This question kind of reminds us of the recent "shoes for workout and for work" question. It's not easy to find one pair of sandals to handle all these situations, but the Reef "Smoothy" is our recommendation. They work for us in nearby Door County, WI. They can handle the water, their thick padding is comfy and can handle all the walking, and the embroidered strap handles the style situations. Just be sure to carefully remove the logo with a sharp razor or scissors.
Q: Hey Magnificent Bastards -- What is the MB protocol on cowboy boots? --Evan in Maine
A: A very timely question, Evan. Last Thursday the Wall Street Journal's feature on Design Within Reach contained a picture of CEO Ray Brunner, who appeared to have grabbed whatever was within arm's reach for the photo shoot: an ill-fitting blazer and repp tie matched with cowboy boots and his age and body type looks totally ridiculous. In other words, you need the right "look" to successfully pull a pair of these off. Or on. Match yours with the five guys below to see where you fit.
Q: So I have to attend this (outdoor charity) event for Mother's Day with my wife and son (2 yrs) where your entry ticket is this gaudy t-shirt that violates every known MB principle: logos, legibility, ugly, etc. My question is: since I have to wear this (I have to attend), is there any way to salvage it? Should I wear the rest of the ensemble as if I was wearing some other MB-approved shirt? Or would that just look too stupid (i.e. too much of a clash between MB-ness and clear toolbaggery) and should I just throw in the towel and just toolbag this all the way? Sorry for the short notice but I was just informed yesterday, and Mother's Day is just a few days away! --Rob
A: Rob, your mother probably once told you: Two wrongs do not make a right. Don't cave and go full-on toolbag. Even the ugliest event t-shirt can be mitigated and possibly overcome with the right ensemble. Since you are going to be very unformfortable on top, get very comfortable on the bottom with your go-to denim and sneakers (or sandals, if you've recently had a pedicure). Even if monsoons are predicted, add some vintage sunglasses to the look. They can block toolbaggery almost as well as UV rays, and will provide cover for pained facial expressions.
Of course, even with these tactics, you won't be able to forget the fact that you're wearing the shirt -- because you'll be surrounded by it -- so we also advise that you get drunk as quickly as possible. Skip the beer and go straight to the hard stuff.
Q: Can you believe some guy would actually wear these? --Jessica
A: Jessica, this is kind of a good news-bad news scenario.
The Good News: These are PJ's so the man will likely be seen only by immediate family members and perhaps the newspaper boy.
The Bad News: Hannah Andersson requires the man to send in his testicles with each purchase, which might explain why Sweden's fertility rate has declined so dramatically in the last 20 years.
Q: We're in the middle of about a week straight of nothing but rain here in the Mid Atlantic, which got me thinking: What does the MB wear to keep his feet dry when he must venture out in wet weather? Women seem to be resorting to the Wellington but so far that trend does not seem to be making inroads among men. My grandfather used to wear galoshes but I haven't seen anyone wearing those either. In my Gore-Tex hiking boots I feel like a refugee from the mid 90s, when dressing as if one were on an Everest expedition was popular even if one were only going to the grocery store. There must be at least one fashionable option? --Mark
A: Short wellies (like these from J.Crew) are MB approved, but they're really only necessary for weather systems with a name. Something with a name that makes the national news and maybe kills a few people, go ahead and upgrade to the full-height version. For anything else, like a little rain, get into something rubber-soled like these Prada Novo boots. We've suggested them before -- they were featured in a header pic from 2008 -- and stand by them in spite of the price. Some staffers have had these for over a decade, so they deliver value, and are cool as shit to boot.
Rubenesque, indeedQ: Darling, you have cracked the door, so forgive me if I wedge my foot and possibly my shoulder in and ask (rather breathlessly): What about skinny pants for women? --Nancy Drew
(Ed. note: "Nancy Drew" is an amateur chick detective who's been trying to find out who's behind this site for, like, nearly two years.)
A: Nancy, in the women's case it's a simple matter of geometry. We call it the "Ass to Ankle Angle" or AAA (try saying that 3 times fast). Simply have someone take a picture of you naked with your feet together and then calculate the angle from your ass to your ankle. If your angle is 5° or smaller, you may wear skinny pants. As you can see, the nude in Peter Paul Rubens' "The Three Graces" is at 10°, and she clearly ain't even close.
A: We say "Yea," and we've said it before. But upon reflection, proper accessorization is really key to making the look function. Do it like the guy on the top, not so much like the guy on the bottom:
Top:
* horn-rimmed glasses
* cigarette dangling at artfully disheveled angle, long ash
* sleeves messily rolled past elbows
* Rolleiflex camera
Bottom:
* logos
* flag pin
* WWJD (What Would Jesus Do) bracelet
* team consistently overrated and regularly blown out of national championship games
Q: What kind of surgical mask does the MB recommend for the coming swine flu pandemic? --Bob
A: For this kind of, uh, "in your face" accessory, simple and understated is strongly recommended. And, white or light blue go with just about anything. Please, no pig noses. This is a good opportunity for designer surgical masks, like this MB prototype, inspired by British designer Paul Smith.
Q: I agree with the no t-shirts and sport coats philosophy, but what about sport coats and polo shirts? I have seen some people doing it, but I'm still not sure what to think about the look yet.
Thank you for this site, you are helping me become a better person. --Tom C.
A: We're OK with it during the same timeframe as white jeans. If, however, you can handle your nerves on Sunday at the Masters, you have permission all year round.
From top:
* Doug Ford and Arnold Palmer (1958)
* Tom Watson and Gary Player (1978)
* Bernhard Langer and Jack Nicklaus (1986)
* Vijay Singh and Tiger Woods (2001)
Rudolf Dassler Kapitan via Puma. $250.00.Q: Are there any shoes you can think of that I can wear at the gym and with a suit? --Nicholas
A: We've been thinking about this a lot lately so we're glad you asked. While no single shoe will simultaneously work for an AM 5K and a PM meeting with the CEO, Puma is the closest to cracking the code if, say, it's your lifting and not your cardio day. Their Black Label line, the Alexander McQueen collaboration, and some of the Rudolf Dassler stuff can do double duty, depending on the suit. (Again, we're working on one.)
Puma Sport Fashion Roma Re-Luxe via Zappos. $254.00.Q: Is it ever OK to wear off-white sneakers? I recently procured a pair of Pumas online and now that I'm looking at the color I'm seriously questioning my decision. Nothing seems to look quite right with them. --Joe
A: Put. The Dockers. Down.
Joe, say it's so: you got into a pair of the new Sport Fashion Roma Re-Luxe, from Puma Black Label (available at Zappos). Of course khakis are a no-no with this shoe, but denim is a sure thing, and pairing these with white jeans or trousers would look très MB. Give 'em another try.
Q: What's your take on slim fit pants that hug the legs and ankles? Are they only acceptable on 150 pound male models? --Todd
A: We have been consistently anti-skinny since this site launched almost two years ago. But it can work in certain situations, like the ones defined by our accompanying skinny pant flow chart. See if you qualify to wear this look.
Sign in downtown Annapolis, MDQ: In your recent post on spring footwear, you apparently diss square-toed Kenneth Coles. Then I looked at the STKCs on my feet and said, "Damn! I'm not as business casual as I thought I was." Please elaborate on this thought. Can STKCs ever be magnificent? Are the just too casual to be "business casual?" Or too formal? And how square is square? --Marc-Ange
A: Let's get one thing straight, Marc-Ange. We did not "apparently diss" square-toed Kenneth Coles. If square-toed Kenneth Coles are Somali pirates, we're the U.S. Navy. No, they can never be Magnificent or Bastardly or any other adjective/adverb worth a damn. For further information and new footwear purchasing guidance, please consult our Shoe Toe Pointiness Chart.
The SheboyganQ: You have previously mentioned a drink named the Sheboygan. As a fellow Wisconsinite and someone who can properly pronounce the eponymous city's name, I would like to know how you make it. Any cocktails you might recommend for an upcoming summer spent on a sailboat or at the waterfront would also be appreciated. --Brian
A: Though the MB usually enjoys a slightly wet, gin martini, he sometimes finds himself out of gin (poor planning, boy) or at a gathering of friends from the South. Of course, South from our offices in Pulaski, WI might only mean as far as Sheboygan, home of America's best bratwurst. This version of a vodka martini gives tribute to Sheboygan, WI, where they might say that one of these makes a good appetizer, two a meal.
The Sheboygan
* 4 parts vodka
* 1 part dry vermouth
* dash of orange bitters
* garnish of a cornichon, slice of grilled bratwurst, and pearl onion placed in that order, for top to bottom, on a toothpick
Place garnish into a chilled martini glass. Gently shake (think waltz, not polka) the vodka, vermouth and orange bitters with ice; pour over the garnish.
A couple of keys to ensure this drink is at its best. First, use a high quality, authentic bratwurst from Sheboygan. You can experiment with other sausages, but we do not guarantee success using a substitute: garbage in, garbage out.
It's best to use a warm bratwurst to give the fullest flavor. If it's not fresh off the grill, microwave for 15 seconds to perk it up. Also, make sure you pour the martini over the garnish so you get the drink a little oily, just how the MB likes his ... cocktails.
Finally, for whatever reason, this version of a martini tastes best using potato vodka. We use Chopin. This may be due to our Sheboygan friends being classic "meat and potato" kind of people. Whatever vodka you choose, make sure it's worthy of the MB, and more importantly, the quality bratwurst.
Q: Although I wore Thom Browne long before it was available anywhere but Bergdorf Goodman and kind of liked it primarily for the quality and nerdyness, I have recently come to the conclusion that it is kind of "The Emperor's New Clothes." What do you think? --Mark
A: (Ed. note: This question was sent in January, 2009.)
Either it's the Emperor's New Clothes or the Emperor's Flood Pants. Either way, we've never gotten Thom Browne, and perhaps we'll never get Thom Browne, since rumors of his impending bankruptcy surfaced last month (later denied). Maybe we're dumb (or blind), but we don't see a point of view or story to his work, only a gimmick. One thing we think is a very, very safe bet, Mark: If you've been photographed in a Thom Browne suit you're not gonna want to see that pic in 10 years.
Q: I'm new to the official MB philosophy (though not my own unofficial one), having only recently discovered this site. I could use your insight into a matter I face. I plan to attend the Kentucky Derby this year. What is the best way to dress for this occasion? Can I go the MB Gregory Peck route and wear a seersucker suit or has this look be taken over by too many toolbags in recent years? Also, is the boaters straw hat TTH or just too barber shop quartet? --Jon
A: Jon, welcome aboard. "Classic with a twist" is our general aesthetic philosophy, and in the case of something like a 135 year-old horse race in a slave state, a fair amount of middle-finger-fully-extended irreverence is definitely in order. Go for the seersucker, but make sure it's excessively rumpled, like you weren't sure there was a race that day and had to pull it out of the back of your closet last-minute. Instead of the traditional white bucks, go with the white Chucks. And when you order a mint julep, have the bartender make it a double and hold the mint, sugar, water, and ice.
Regarding the boaters straw hat, wear it only if you're bald or sing a cappella, or both.
(The 135th running of the Kentucky Derby is on Saturday, May 2, 2009.)
Q: What does MB have to say about wearing a suit without a belt? Assuming one has the physique to pull it off, how age- and office-appropriate is it? I'm 49 and in better shape than men half my age. And, I work in a conservative office environment. My intuition tells me 'no way' but I'm looking for one small thing to set me apart from the rest of the suits. Thanks for a useful and witty website. --Dino
A: There is no rule that says you have to wear a belt with a suit, even in a conservative office environment. If your pants are hook-and-bar (top) a belt is wrong; if they're a traditional button closure (bottom) beltless still works great.
To set yourself apart from the rest of the suits, try a different suit. (One of our staffers is developing one that will be ready for fall.)
A: Lisa, please check the map for the inverse blast radius acceptability of Birkenstocks. Eugene, OR is ground zero. Anything outside the yellow zone is red (where they're not OK).
Salvatore Ferragamo Mantra Moccasin via Neiman Marcus. $395.00.Q: Spring is nearly upon us and, as a man of comfort and style, I want to enjoy some suede loafers / boat shoes from time to time. However, I'm not sure if they're really "business casual." Please advise. --Davis
We oppose any hard and fast rules on acceptable "business casual" footwear. We wear tennies with a twist and HR has not been in contact. Suede loafers easily qualify in most cases, and although "boat shoes" get you word-associating "Sperry topsiders," check the Neiman Marcus collection of boat shoes for spring. Most of these are sure as hell more "business casual"-appropriate than a co-worker in square-toed Kenneth Coles.
Q: Dear MB-- My husband has taken up bicycling as his new fitness routine/hobby. I am distressed every time I see him ride off in his bicycling gear, covered with more endorsements than a NASCAR vehicle. What do you suggest? --Mrs. M.
A: The good news, Mrs. M, is that whatever logo-clad clown suit your husband is frightening the neighborhood children with, it could probably be worse.
The bad news is that if you're doing it right, you can't help but violate key MB principles when wearing cycling attire -- at least if you plan to break 25mph on occasion. To maximize aerodynamics and minimize chafing, cycling clothes are supposed to be obscenely tight-fitting. To maximize visibility and minimize the chance of decorating some texting soccer mom's hood, they're supposed to be garishly bright.
The really bad news is that tight-fitting, garish, but still relatively tasteful gear is easy to find -- so if your husband's peddling around town looking like a graphic designer's resume, it's because he wants to.
To wean him gently from this bad habit, we recommend this Salvarani replica, in 100% merino wool. While we don't care much for even the tiniest logos, never mind ones that can be seen from 100 yards, any logo that requires a $250,000 sewing machine to make is OK in our book.
From one's waist to one's ankles, only solid black is allowed. For a final touch, treat your husband to a pair of Dromarti Sportivos. Five minutes in these handmade Italian beauties, and he will never feel the urge to wear anything featuring a dye-sublimated logo again.
The Elgin #1. Keeping Pulaski's streets clean since 1914Q: Spring is here, and I am anxious to leave the miserable winter of 2008-09 behind. But on to more pressing questions. Your cocktail guide for the fall/winter got me through many a winter doldrum. What about spring/summer? Is it just gin & tonic until the leaves change? --Ed
A: For some, the swallows returning to Capistrano mark the inevitable return of spring. As we look out the windows of our Pulaski, WI offices, we're reintroduced to spring by the return our city's only street sweeper, the Elgin #1 (pictured). The MB should take note of this and realize it's time to clean out your cabinet of the brown liquors of winter, save perhaps a bottle of scotch for your seasonally resilient Rob Roy, as you move from brown to clear liquors. We don't endorse the temptation to throw your dead soldiers into the streets to be swept up.
The most efficient and straightforward strategy to begin your journey is through Manhattanization: mixing any appropriate brown liquor, with a shot or so of vermouth (sweet, dry, or a mix of the two to go perfect), and a dash of bitters. It works for bourbon, scotch, rye whisky, or brandy.
Given the urgency, you may need to introduce a more aggressive approach to ensure you get through your stock of brown liquors before it's time for the clear ones. If this "problem" presents itself, you just need to take adjust your recipe while recalling one of the strangest words from your high school science class: meniscus.
Fill a lowball glass with ice, pour the brown liquor you're trying to polish off to just below the top of glass. Remember, the meniscus will make it appear to be slightly higher at the edge of the glass than in the middle. You need to leave just enough room for that splash of vermouth.
If you have any straight rye whisky, we also strongly suggest mixing up a Sazerac to give yourself some variety during this spring cleaning. Here's the simple, MB endorsed recipe:
Sazerac
3 shots Rye Whisky (or to taste)
1 sugar cube
Peychaud's Bitters
quarter shot of Absinthe
lemon twist
Soak the sugar cube with the bitters and place in the bottom of a highball glass. Mash with the back of a spoon (or muddler, which we hope has not been used to make a Mojito), add the rye whisky and fill the glass with ice. Stir for about 30 seconds and then strain into another lowball glass that has been rinsed with Absinthe and filled about halfway with ice. Garnish with a lemon twist.
By early May, you may be tiring of this duty, so the MB allows himself for one day, and only one day, to enjoy a Margarita. Thanks to the blender (or liquidizer for our UK friends), this perfectly acceptable cocktail has far too often been associated with frothy spills on countertops, enormous glasses, and crappy salsa. So, on Cinco de Mayo, the MB may have a Margarita. And since you're only allowed one per year, you might as well do it up right.
MB Endorsed Margarita
2 parts Tequila (must be 100% agave, blanco is fine)
1 part Cointreau
1 part fresh lime juice
Shake all the ingredients and pour into a martini glass, rimmed very lightly with salt.
If you've paced yourself well, as the weather heats up you should have more than a few occasions to enjoy the drink that marks the pinnacle of summer cocktailing: the gin and tonic. Before reaching the summit, though, consider the MB version of the Southside. We've left out the mint to embrace more of a pure lemon experience, and more importantly, to avoid any confusion with the ubiquitous and clearly not MB-endorsed Mojito. Think of it as lemonade for adults.
MB Bastardized Southside
2 parts gin
1 part fresh lemon juice
1 sugar cube (or half teaspoon simple sugar)
Soda water (if desired)
Place the sugar cube at the bottom of a lowball glass, add the fresh lemon juice, and mash with the back of a spoon. Fill two-thirds with ice and the gin and stir for at least 30 seconds. Add soda water, if desired, and give a quick stir. Garnish with a lemon wedge.
And finally, with the heat of summer the MB turns to the Gin and Tonic. There's no recipe needed for the classic gin and tonic, as the MB should have it well known what his preferred gin/tonic ratio is, perhaps even adjusting it for the weather. But he certainly should not allow any shortcuts to be made with the ingredients. Start with quality gin: Plymouth and Boodles are both MB endorsed.
With the growing availability of premium tonics, there should be no need to rely on hose-fed tonic for the cocktail that’s going to be the highlight of many sunny afternoons. The basic order of tonics is this: Fever Tree, Q Tonic, Fentiman's, Whole Foods 365, dog urine, Schweppes.
Q: What does the MB think of Belgian shoes? They appear to have some kind of cult following on the Upper East Side and Glenn O'Brien is quite a fan. I got conned into buying this pair years ago and have worn them a grand total of two times. My wife thinks they are the girliest shoes ever. And I'm inclined to agree. Does an MB need a little more courage to wear them or just some common sense to give them the heave ho? Thoughts? --K Nelson
A: Mr. Nelson, Sir, you should probably get these into your regular rotation. We typically prefer a much more urban look (there are a bunch of new Pumas today on Bluefly), but wearing a $350 pair of slippers 'round town is the essence of Magnificent Bastard-dom. Exclusive, obscure, and posess a senseless lack of utility. Pair with your most beat-up denim for maximum juxtaposition. And tell your wife to mind her own business.
If you remain unconvinced, we're sure there's a homeless stockbroker on the Upper East Side who needs footwear.
Q: I know you've addressed this issue before with crewnecks, however, what should one do with their shirt collars while wearing v-neck sweaters? I tend to keep them in although I've had people comment on how I should wear them out. --Chevy
A: Chevy, it's going to depend on the cut of the v-neck and the shape of the shirt collar, but this is one of those times when you should submit to your shirt's free will. Don't force artful dishevelment. If the collar is meant to stay in, it will stay in. If it's meant to be out, it will come out. 9 times out of 10, however, daily activities like hailing a cab or hailing a bartender will push your collar out.
Q: I'm trying to find a swimming suit. Do you have any suggestions? --Matt
A: Now that it's April 2nd, Matt, we can seriously answer your question. (See the April 1 version.)
First of all, we don't care what Vilebrequin is showing this season (or any other): elastic waistbands are universally unflattering and should be reserved for pre-K MBs in training. Beyond that, swimsuit length is the key determining factor. Using da Vinci's Vitruvian Man as a model, do your best to stay in the green zone. Yellow is OK but not recommended. Red is definitively toolbag.
Q: What shoes are worn on the male model in the site header? Also, do you have any MB suggestions to something similar to those? Something dark or light colored for the spring/summer. --Mark
A: Thanks for noticing. Those shoes are one of our all-time favorites: Puma Sport Fashion Standpunkt by Rudolf Dassler in "warm black." You can wear them with denim or a suit. If you have a small foot, you can get them cheap at Zappos, if you're bigger than 7.5 (and who isn't?) they're still available at Miller Shoes.
Tommy Bahama Hold 'Em Swim Trunks via Saks Fifth Avenue. $51.90.Q: I'm trying to find a swimming suit. Do you have any suggestions? --Matt
A: Normally we bag pretty hard on Tommy Bahama ... after all their shirts are #5 on The Toolbag List. But you know what? They are really good at swimming suits, like these hibiscus printed "Hold 'Em" swim trunks. The elastic really grips your waist and is surprisingly slimming.
Q: What is your take on Thomas Pink shirts? Is the modified spread collar narrow enough on the points to keep within magnificence? --Pete
A: Pete, in spite of being British, we're just not down with Thomas Pink shirts. The collars necessitate a Windsor knot and you know how we feel about the Windsor knot. Plus, 100% cotton dress shirts are so LC (Last Century). We've abandoned them entirely in favor of ones with a touch of elastane.
I am looking for the quintessential Dopp kit for my world travels. Is the answer leather or nylon? Love the site. --J. Leisure
A: Mr. Leisure, if you're checking bags you should go with the quintesential Dopp kit: a real Dopp kit (top, $60). It's leather, so it satisfies the organic materials principle, and will easily fit into your steamer trunk, with room to spare for your hat box.
If you're carrying on then space is at a premium, and while it's unfortunately not from a cow's hide, we're really, really liking this "kailua" case (bottom, $45) from Malcolm Fontier. Just enough room for the essentials, and thanks to Richard Reid, you can't put your lotion and shaving cream in there anyhow.
Q: For some reason my house has always had a slight funky smell to it, so I use those electric air fresheners to keep the smell at bay. I was wondering if there is an air freshener that the MB endorses (if he endorses them at all) since most air fresheners have a sickly flowery smell to them. Does an air freshener exist that could be considered a little more bastardly that would be appropriate? --Jack
A: We keep telling you guys: bury your enemies' bodies under someone else's house.
Jack, you're on the wrong track with air fresheners. You're just covering up the smell with Glade's Fruit Explosion when you need to eliminate the smell entirely with an air purifier. Expensive, but worth it, especially if you plan on return visits from members of the fairer (and more olfactory-gifted) sex.
Christopher Columbus and the 'Indians'Q: Having compared the sock wear of English and Italian friends I find myself in a quandary. The Englishman tends toward the characteristic, and perhaps dull, understated look reaching to the lower calf with the Italian chaps opting for bright stripes and patterns that reach almost to the knee. It's clear to me that there is a certain boldness and verve to the Italian option but is that joy in keeping with the studied coolness characterized by the MB? What do you suggest? --Mark
A: Astute observation on your part, Mark, though British designer Paul Smith makes some of the boldest socks on the market (inset). Regardless, we lean pretty strongly towards the British approach you note. No surprise there given our severe case of Anglophilia, not to mention the Italian socks-pulled-up-to-the-knees technique is both too serious and too 15th century explorer. However, colorful socks are still perfectly OK. They're a subtle way to add some personality to your wardrobe, and are under wraps until you cross your legs.
What are your thoughts on these Red Wing Classic Lifestyle boots?: I know they are my style (rugged good looks, etc) but want to know if they are MB style for around town or in a relaxed office atmosphere. Thanks in advance. --Mark
A: History, tradition, and pedigree are three nouns we like, and Red Wing has those in spades ... and if you had one and needed to dig a hole, these boots would work great. While not easy, they can be successfully urbanized/office-ized, perhaps with denim and a deconstructed blazer. Warning: go too casual on top and you might end up looking like a lost lumberjack. Tim-berrrrrrr!
Q: A question and a comment. What is the MB stance on snugness of a suit jacket? I recently got a steal on an Armani cashmere/silk sport jacket which is too big around the waist for my slim build. I want to get it altered to fit better but don't know how snug it should be. My comment is that I'd love for you to open up your posts to comment! Sure you'll get some rabble but it can add so much to what you're doing here. Which, by the way, I love! --Seth
A: Seth, head to the tailor. The snugness of the fit should be directly in proportion with one's fit(ness). Slim fellas in more generous cuts can quickly start looking like David Byrne. Bigger guys in snug fits can send crowds scurrying for cover to duck flying buttons. We've provided a handy chart below to demonstrate:
Q: I'm a 52 year old woman, 5' 2", my build is medium (not skinny, not chubby) kind of average. However, for awhile, my butt has been going south and I can't do anything else about it besides lots of lunges. What would you suggest is the best jean to lift up the derriere. --Mireya
A: Mireya, don't you just wish you could put that droopy ass up in a ponytail? No doubt everyone would benefit if you and other women in your situation could have an occasional bad ass day. Whip that thing up there and forget about it! Alas, since slinging ass isn't part of our current reality, you're smart to realize you can build a better butt with the right pair of denim.
Start with MB-endorsed Hudson. Signature back pockets (pictured) give the illusion of that desirable apple roundness. They're cut a bit higher in the waist as well (deliberately showing ass crack is so Last Year). This is also advantageous if you've got anything cookin' in the muffin top department.
Another brand worth investigating is Fidelity. You'll likely catch a few compliments with these; again the secret is those back pockets. Yeah, they're a little spendy, but consider it an investment in your bottom line. All it takes is one pair and Boom!, it's like a bailout for that junk in your trunk.
Q: How good does a scotch have to be before an MB won't put it in a Rob Roy and insists on drinking it neat? --Conrad
A: Conrad, you've asked what seems to be a simple question, but this would send a group of professional bartenders into a quarrel which undoubtedly would need to be settled over a few drinks and possibly some wrestling -- the best way to resolve any disagreement.
As we've mentioned in the past, the toolbags of this world think ordering Dom Perignon during the holidays is a sign of class. They're also probably the type who might order a Courvoisier and Coke. The MB knows how to toe the line (even with a law enforcement officer watching) between ignorant excess and the cocktail version of artful dishevelment.
Some "mixologists" (including Gary Regan), simply think that price should be your guide: if the scotch is north of $100 a bottle or so, you should drink it neat. Fortunately for the MB, you have your own taste and two simple rules as your guide:
1) It's fine to use a scotch up to 12-years old in a Rob Roy 2) Avoid using any scotch that's too peaty (think Laphroaig or Lagavulin)
Of course, if you love the peaty scotches you might be able to find the right blend of sweet or dry vermouth (remember the MB likes his Rob Roy perfect or fully dry, with onion garnish) to make a more-than-acceptable Islay Rob Roy. In this case though, you better have your A-game on, or your date may be calling you "Old Swampy" when you try to get more than just cordial.
Q: On the subject of pocket squares, where does the MB plant it roots? My hunch would be you favor the artfully unruly puff fold, but what is your stand on the Quantum of Solace "angled" straight fold featured in the print ads for said film? --Tune
A: We've covered this before, but we'll happily cover it again. Unless you're Yves Saint Laurent, who's dead, we prefer the one-point or the flat fold. James Bond is clueless about the martini (shaken is just plain wrong), but the flat fold has been in place from Sean Connery to Daniel Craig. That "angling" you're seeing is Bond's version of artful dishevelment. Either that or the result of having to lug around a silenced Heckler & Koch MP5 9mm.
* Shia LaBeouf in "Mutt" jacket in Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
In fact, part of the reason we can't fully endorse them is they're almost a little too Hollywood. At a certain age the women start getting Botox, the men start wearing leather Belstaff jackets.
Q: My wife says only girls and toolbags drive convertibles. I know you're not a car site, but you've commented on vehicular accessorization before. Convertibles seem impractical and can be exclusive. Does it depend where you live? We've been polling our friends and only my male friends that drive convertibles seem to disagree with my wife. Please advise. --Nicholas
A: Nicholas, this is most certainly not the first time, but your wife is wrong. Yeah, it's pretty easy to conclude "toolbag" when a moustachioed Guido is cruising chicks in a late-model Mustang with the top down. But what else is a convertible but the unstructured blazer of automobiles? As you suggest, they're impractical -- if you think cars are really just bulky umbrellas. But think of the possibilities. They let Mother Nature style your hair. They give you the opportunity to wear a cool cap. They serve as a rolling stage for your magnificence. Or to put it another way, your wife is going to have a hell of time explaining these guys away as chicks or toolbags:
Top: James Dean demonstrating confidence, artful dishevelment, and profoundly good layering technique in his 1954 356 Porsche Speedster.
Middle: Steve McQueen hopping into his 1956 Jaguar XKSS, with perfect cigarette dangling angle.
Bottom: Anyone can get chauffered in a limo, but it takes an MB to get chauffered in a convertible, like the Pope in this 2007 Mercedes-Benz G 500 Cabriolet.
This not a question so much as a fear and I believe you guys can help. Summer will be here and in parts of the US it will be happening sooner. Men should and will be wearing sandals. The problem is, and you've addressed one problem (the lack of a pedicure) which is bad but the choice of sandal is also important. A thong type as opposed to the crisscross or strap. On some men the crisscross and strap type make men look like Fred Flintstone. Could you come up with some guidelines? --John (from Ireland)
A: Yeah, we take a backseat to no one about the importance of a pedicure. Last June was Pedicure Awareness Month and this June will be no different. It's the MB version of The Golden Rule: don't expose nasty-ass toes to others.
Fred Flintstone lived in the Pre-Footwear Era, which makes his car-driving even more remarkable. Imagine the wickedly painful blisters most men would get powering a stone-wheeled auto with their feet. Anyhow, we don't see that big of a stylistic difference between thong and crisscross/strap, to be honest. They can both work. One type of sandal we do avoid is a strap/crisscross that covers too much toe. This has an unflattering chubbing-up, holy-crap-that-dude-has-an-ingrown-toenail effect. You'll know it when you see it.
Magnetic collar stays? "Super strong magnetic buttons give you the unique ability to adjust your collar's spread on a whim, creating multiple different looks with the same shirt"? Ummm, how about just buying a shirt with a spread that you like and wearing it as it was tailored? --Kevin
A: Who knew this much thought went into collar stays? Whenever we buy a shirt with collar stays they're immediately tossed in the trash, simply because they greatly inhibit the MB Prime Directive: artful dishevelment.
Q: I'm planning on traveling to some rather unsavory places. Is there an MB alternative to money belts? --Jet-Setting Bastard
A: Assuming you're going to be spending some time overseas and not just a weekend in Detroit, the belt's problem is that it doesn't have a place for your passport.
We've previously ripped on the YMYL Holster for being focused on holding an MP3 player instead of, say, a weapon. But in this case it will suit your needs pretty well. Combine with a couple unstructured blazers and a Beretta 418, you're jet-setting safely, and in style.
Q: I bought my boyfriend a 25 year bottle of Glenmorangie for his birthday, but I wasn't sure what else I should include. Would a set of granite scotch rocks fall into the realm of toolbag? Should I stick to the more traditional crystal glasses? (Or is there a better gift to pair with the scotch?) --Natalya
A: Natalya, your hunch on granite scotch rocks is dead on. They're like pet rocks for alcoholic toolbags, though in the case of a $750 bottle of booze, certainly better than using actual ice. Go for a pair of the traditional crystal glasses if you must, though we can think of a better pair to pair with the Glenmorangie.
RET70S AAVasquez HS RETRO 70s sunglasses via Retrospecs. $182.90.Q: Disparaging the Wayfarers without suggesting a sufficiently bastardly replacement? Very un-magnificent. I'm in the market for a new pair of shades myself. I can at least spot the toolbag fodder, but nothing has struck my fancy. Help! --Brad
A: We're not totally down on the Wayfarer; just make sure you get a vintage pair. And only wear them around the house.
While we're happy to answer questions about what sunglasses Leonardo DiCaprio is wearing in one of his movies, we've also made no secret of our affection for vintage shades. It's a really easy, affordable way to add personality, uniqueness, and history to your look. You'd think we owned the place as much as we pimp it, but try allynscura for loads of good options. Also make sure to check out klasik.org and Retrospecs.
A: In our view, Lugz are the Crocs of hip-hop. They look exactly like they sound -- clunky, badly proportioned, and possibly reinforced with multiple layers of body armor-grade Kevlar. Unless you have an endorsement deal or people shoot at your feet a lot, avoid.
Q: Spring is just around the corner. So it's sunglasses season. Could you identify the sunglasses Mr. DiCaprio is wearing in Body of Lies? --Matt
A: What do we look like? The Celebrity Sunglass Identification Squad? Well, OK maybe. Anyhow, Leonardo is wearing Ray-Ban 3360s, available at Zappos for $133.00.
GONTAUT via Aldo. $79.98.Q: What is your opinion on Aldo shoes, a recent discovery of mine? I'm a 21 year-old college student, and I rock some less-than-subtle ankle zip boots, and some plaid tennis shoes by them rather often, but a friend says they stand out too much and seems like TTH. Maybe it just doesn't work in Arkansas. --Ron
A: Hey Ron in Arkansas. Thanks for reading. This is the first we've heard from Arkansas. Anyhow, we're not big Aldo fans. Can't speak to the plaid tennis shoes but his boots look like a poor-man's Mark Nason. If you're going to TTH, go full throttle with Nason. Otherwise, our current favorite boot guy is John Varvatos and you can usually find them on eBay at a steep discount.
Q: MB, I am a 20 year old college student and recently was very excited to find a pair of new Puma Contacts at a thrift store and have been wearing them occasionally. I only wear them with plain black skinny jeans, because I don't want to be too elaborate. My girlfriend on the other hand feels that they are too ridiculous and make me stand out in a bad way. Am I wrong? --Jacob
A: Jacob, your girlfriend would've been more accurate to say you stand out in a too Joey Ramone way. This is fine if you're the 6'6" frontman for an up-and-coming college punk rock cover band. Otherwise save this ironic footwear for the hardcourts.
Q: I'm trying to find a stylish, affordable winter leather glove for everyday wear. What would you recommend? --Brian
A: The name practically defines prosaic and their site is a blast from 1996, but we've had great luck with stuff from Leather Gloves Online, especially their rabbit fur lined options. Trust us, once you go rabbit fur lined, you never go back, even to the finest Outer Mongolian goat cashmere. Choose the pique stitched version for a dressier look (top, $79.95), and the handsewn chunky stitch pair (bottom, $86.95) for more casual wear.
Q: Can you tell me the kind of sunglasses Andy Samberg is wearing in his video "I'm on a boat"? There is a great picture of them at 2:06 here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7yfISlGLNU Thanks a lot! --Grant
A: Sorry, there aren't enough distinguishing characteristics even to make an educated guess. However, if you've got the requisite confidence, we heartily endorse big, chunky, '60s-inspired sunglasses like the ones he's wearing. Also, the video is worth watching:
Q: What do MBs have for a desktop background on their computers? --Don
A: A picture of either a.) their kid(s), b.) their pet(s), c.) their wife, or d.) all of the above.
Just messin' with ya! Don, we're glad to see some understand an MB communicates even with his computer's display settings. Custom or design-y backgrounds are the equivalent of over-accessorization, like simultaneously wearing a necklace, watch, earring, and ring. Focus on things that matter: time invested in choosing a picture of a sunset is better spent finding a killer pair of shoes.
(Top: Choose "None" on Windows. Bottom: Choose "Solid Colors" on Mac, preferably a neutral.)
Q: A male friend of mine has been looking for a weekend/overnight bag for a while with no luck. To quote him exactly, "I need a quality overnight bag/case, for planes and the car, sort of fashionable and available online? Is there something I should be looking at?" Naturally I am concerned for him, since he needs to be as magnificent as possible, but nothing I've found so far seems to suit him. Are you up to the task? --Liz
A: Let's hope he's spending a bit more time in automobiles and trains than planes, because finding affordable, stylish wheeled cabin luggage is a full-time job and should be part of Obama's stimulus package. Based on the size of his wallet, here are some suggestions:
Top:F1 Spacepak Weekend. $62.50 (on sale). Flight 001's house brand is high quality, functional, affordable, and looks cool. Can you tell we're fans? For short jaunts this bag (1/2 price!) will not disappoint.
Middle:Puma Black/Walnut Wood Cargo Bag. $225.00. Puma's "Urban Mobility" fabric/wood combo bags turn heads, and are even somewhat useful, too.
Bottom:Etro Duffel. $510.00 (on sale). If your "friend" is feeling flush, this Etro duffel from The Corner is also 1/2 price and might well last into old age.
A: His pants are too skinny, his tops are too blousy, and it's all about 50% overpriced. But his outerwear is outstanding and highly recommended (at the right price).
Q: I've got a question about how high or low pants should go. I'm a fat bastard who has been working on slimming down. Down 2 pants sizes in the last year and half. So my wardrobe is in flux. The issue now though is my two suits (especially the pants) are ridiculously too large to go around my traditional upper limit of above the hips. But they're now ok go around my still somewhat larger gut. (I'm still working on that.) The question comes down to, is it ok to wear the pants around the belly or should I pony up the money to have and have the alterations done? --Moderately Fat Bastard
A: Get your pants tailored for the new you. Wearing them on your gut is like giving up and only wearing sweats and track suits. You're in the process of turning this fat train right around! In other words, a little more Hank Hill (who once lead his high-school's conference in rushing) and a little less Homer Simpson (who once gained 61 pounds to go on fat disability). Please just ignore the look on their faces and their body language and trust us.
Q: My husband seems to be losing his hearing, but since he is the quintessential MB he is dead against a hearing aid. I saw this item in the latest SkyMall airline catalog -- it's a hearing aid camouflaged as a Bluetool, I mean -tooth. The copy claims it will make my darling look more youthful. And if it works, he would be able to hear me better. It's $40. What do you think? --Dru
A: Take it easy there, hon. Do *not* mess with a man's hard-earned ability to tune out his wife, even if it's the result of actual hearing loss. May we suggest a dozen Titleist Pro V1s instead?
Q: Etiquette question: I've been invited to the wedding and bachelor party of a friend from college. I can't make the wedding (another, better friend is getting married a week later. I can only afford one cross country flight.) Is it poor taste to attend just the (local) bachelor party? Also: I've only received a "Save the Date" from the bride. Should I contact them now or wait for the invitation and the RSVP? --Mike
A: Mike, this is a sticky situation, but we've got a solution:
Option A: Telling the truth. Pleading poverty is very un-MB, so don't do it.
Option B: Not attending. You'll have to come up with another Emily Post-sounding excuse not to attend the bachelor party. Which leaves the only logical choice:
Option C: Get disinvited from the wedding. Have a wicked good time at the bachelor party, take a bunch of pictures and post them Facebook. Then "accidentally" unblock them. Oops! It was an honest mistake! Plus it takes care of that wedding "Save the Date" / RSVP situation.
Q: It seems like the Ray-Ban Wayfarers are making a comeback. Are they too iconic to be MB? Or, should you buy them now so that in 5 years when they're really popular you can say "already got them"? --Stephen
A: You needed to buy them 5 years *ago* so that today they could tell everyone, "Already got them, yo." Or just change the subject. Isn't this weather great? While they're still popular, an MB is not following the crowd this late in the game.
Here's the deal: Ray-Ban was bought from Bausch & Lomb by Luxottica in the '90s. They wanted to put their own mark on the brand, throwing away 50 years of American spirit. When tastemakers started wearing vintage Wayfarers in the early/mid 2000s, Luxottica decided to reissue the original style. They prominently placed fucking logos on the front of the frame and on each temple to make sure it was distinguished from copycats. When B&L first issued the Wayfarer, it simply had the "football" shaped shields on the fronts and temples (like our friend Joel, pictured) and an understated "BL" etched into the corner of the lenses. If you must wear a Wayfarer today -- and we don't recommend it -- insist on the original American-made versions.
Q: I will soon be moving to Seattle after having lived all my life in sunny Florida. I am not well equipped for the weather, and was hoping you could recommend appropriate overcoat and footwear options (I cringe at the thought of exposing leather shoes to that much moisture). Would you consider a raincoat too plebian? --Alex
A: Hey Alex, kind of a good-news/bad-news scenario, eh? You just reduced your melanoma risk by 100%, but elevated your risk of SAD by at least that much. For the latter, up here in northern Wisconsin we've discovered heavy doses of alcohol usually does the trick. And it sure beats chemotherapy. Anyhow, we digress...
Footwear: Rubber-soled leather shoes will hold up well. Camper is an affordable all-time MB favorite. Depending on your relocation package, also consider Prada (a bunch of new options now at Saks). Just stay away from suede, or keep a suede brush in your laptop bag at all times. Also consider just strapping on some Swims over your existing footwear, and put all your money towards:
Outerwear: Two words: Mackintosh Coat. Your move has provided you with an opportunity to wear this iconic outerwear a lot. Yeah, they're expensive, but a Mackintosh coat is one of those rare pieces that you can wear for a lifetime because it will never go out of style. Go for the original (left, $813.00), or the slightly updated J. Crew version (right, $800.00).
Most importantly, follow Dan Rather and Humphrey Bogart's lead and be sure to turn up the collar.
Q: Is it ever appropriate or acceptable to wear sunglasses indoors and/or at night? I'm not talking Oakley Blades with crazy-ass reflective lenses, but vintage Neostyles and Dunhills with soft blue and brown gradients. I know the official MB stance on the practice, but I hope against hope that there are exceptions. --Michael
Q: I just started dating a truly Magnificent Bastard. But it seems he has everything! With Valentine's Day coming up, I'm at a loss as to what to get him (under $100 since we're new), any suggestions for an outside-the-bedroom present (he's already getting a bedroom present)? --Jackie
A: Jackie, in this situation we have one simple rule to follow: Don't get anything that puts him in the position of overtly having to display or wear it; in other words be forced to answer the question, "Why aren't you wearing ______ tonight?" If he hates it, it can disappear into a closet or drawer and for all you know he uses it every day. This means no clothes or personal furnishings or any display-necessary housewares. So ties, wallets, thumb rings, and placemats are all out.
Poke around at a couple of our favorite four-letter design boutiques, Moss and Good. If you come up empty, visit your favorite antique shop and you're certain to find a one-of-a-kind MB-worthy item he doesn't already own. After a few minutes of Googling we unearthed this elk-horn corkscrew that isn't just an excellent addition to any bar, it distinctly foreshadows the "in the bedroom" present.
Q: I was recently looking at getting a pair of Fluevogs and was curious; how do they rate on the MB scale? I figure they make the grade, and while some are a little too pointy and others not pointy enough (http://www.magnificentbastard.com/posts/ask-the-mb-shoe-toe-pointiness), I'm guessing these are acceptable based on the rules. What say you, oh swami of pithy style? --Gregory
A: Sure, some Fluevogs might qualify as acceptable based on the MB Toe Pointiness Chart; it's their positioning on the MB Good Style Chart you should be more concerned about. These just don't do it for us. Their look is so overpowering and Austin Powers-y that if you decide to get a pair please follow this advice: make them the featured wardrobe item and combine with an exceedingly ordinary pair of pants and top.
Q: I have a pair of brown pony hair Puma Clydes, but am trying to find them in black. Any suggestions? --Mike
A: First of all, consider yourself lucky to own a pair of these at all. (They're rare ... what's the deal? Is there a pony shortage or something? Grow some more.) Second, you want to know what sucks worse than not finding the shoes you desire? It's when you Google "puma pony hair" + black and our own site has the #1 and #2 search results. As if we're going to be of any help!
Your best bet is to set up Google and eBay alerts. If you insist on the pony and can't wait to find the black, the "Clyde Jungle Pack" is available and on sale for just $90.
Q: I play basketball and my old hightops are tired. Is there such a thing as a basketball shoe that does not reek of toolbag? Growing up, I loved the Air Penny II. Do you approve? Do I need to stop playing the sport altogether? Help! --Matt
A: We have about a dozen well-worn copies of Paul Fussell's brilliant book Class lying around the office. One its greatest contributions: a sport's class is inversely proportional to the size of its ball.*
How's your backhand?
(* Of course not every theory is perfect. If it were, a softball would be about the size of the moon.)
Q: What is your take on thumb rings? I wear one from time-to-time to round out my MMA (Mixed Martial Arts) fighter look. It's a silver ring with a gold skull I bought while in combat over in Iraq. I have read that back in the day, like 1400s back in the day, docs and military types use to wear thumb rings. I catch a lot of shit from friends, but that's as far as it goes when I ask them what would look more gay? "My low-key skull thumb ring or them walking into the ER with a broken jaw?" --Glenn
A: We reckon you're mistaking thumb rings for thumbscrews. We also reckon your friends are more regular readers of this site, just trying to help their boy out. So get medieval on someone else's ass.
Q: OK. I'm a toolbag. Overweight. Over 50. So, before I abandon all hope and kill myself to improve the gene pool, are there stylists / personal shoppers / etc. that could take me by the wallet and do a makeover? How would a toolbag know a good one from a charlatan? I don't expect to become a MB, but life's got to be better than the Big Tall and Ugly shop. --Richard
A: Richard, you may have lost your fitness and good looks, but at least you've still got your sense of humor. And apparently your wallet is still intact, so things are less dire than you think. Do us a favor: start by hitting the treadmill and eating less, and consider hiring a personal trainer. Then browse through all the channels on this site. If you have questions, drop us another line. We'll happily suggest a few wardrobe choices, and who knows? Project Richard may become this site's next feature.
Q: Do men prefer curly or straight hair a woman? In addition to that, do they prefer short or long hair? What's sexier in your opinion? --Nora
A: Curly, straight, short, long ... it really doesn't matter. Except for bangs. No bangs. Sorry Zooey Deschanel, this just isn't working out.
Nora, you know what's sexier than a hairstyle? Personal style with a point of view, intelligence, and most of all: attitude. Unfortunately these aren't available at a salon.
Q: How old does one need to be to wear a blazer in casual settings? I'm thinking of buying a military blazer (single breasted, four buttons, dark grey), but I don't want to be the "17-year old who tries to look 30." --Collarbone
A: Choose the blazer if either: a.) you hang out mainly with older people, or b.) you want to be mistaken for one of the Jonas Brothers. And chicks apparently really dig them.
Otherwise it carries pretty high risk. Wearing one to algebra class can possibly work as Max Fisher but can quickly devolve into Mike Damone.
Now, while I realize that part of being an MB is a healthy contempt for authority, is it really fair to apply the criteria of Magnificent Bastard-dom to the office of the President? I mean, isn't that something of a double standard?
Consider how a Magnificent Bastard would likely win an election:
1. A Magnificent Bastard certainly would be the underdog, running against an establishment incumbent. 2. A Magnificent Bastard would likely campaign however the hell he wanted, surrounding himself with good people, and he certainly wouldn't "prepare" for debates. (This would be Trying Too Hard). 3. A Magnificent Bastard, faced with inevitable defeat, would likely win the election anyhow, using the system itself to take the reins of power. 4. Having taken the presidency, a Magnificent Bastard wouldn't dare be seen sitting behind a desk. Why not schedule several photo ops doing something outdoors, and manly, with a cowboy hat and boots (appropriate in the state of Texas), denim, and sleeves appropriately rolled past the elbows.
Wait, wait, wait. This all seems very familiar. No wonder there's a picture of Dubya tucked in your current banner image. You sly dogs.
--Felipe
Q: I've been browsing through the site and I must say it's spot on ... great reviews with a great sense of humor... I wanted to ask what's the MB stance on Fossil Watches.... Are they over used? Are they too mainstream? Are they worthy of a Magnificent Bastard? --Luis
A: Luis, sucking up will get you nowhere. OK, well, maybe somewhere: we'll answer your question. We're not big fans of Fossil watches for the reasons you suggest, and a couple of others: 1.) most exceed the 40mm size maximum, and 2.) their quality isn't the greatest. On the other hand, the price is right, so if you're young (high school or early college) you could do worse, but once you hit the big 2-0 it's time to upgrade.
Q: Since you mention watches ... any advice on a good-looking digital watch? I can read an analog, but hate having to. --David
A: When the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 9...
If you insist on digital then why not go nerd ironic with a vintage Casio calculator? Otherwise, we recommend the Timex Ironman, worn by Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson and President Bill Clinton (bottom), who is at least 50% Magnificent Bastard. It's a watch that says, "Yes, of course I can afford a more expensive timepiece, but I am practical, I am a brother in arms with the common man, and I may even jog on occasion."
Q: Recently in GQ's online series "How to Become a Well Dressed Rebel in 30 Days," Adam Rapoport interviewed Thom Browne and suggested that you forgo the socks with your suit. When they show the pictures of Thom Browne I got a distinct feel that he looked like a 12 year-old that got a suit when he was 7. I guess this can be classified as artful dishevelment but I feel that less dishevelment is better than more Hobbit. Am I completely off the mark? And how should a MB go about the no socks advice? --Ryan
A: We've never understood the fashion world's hard-on for Thom Browne. Thom Browne this. Thom Browne that. Whatever. His approach to pants is a completely unflattering trend, kinda like women's capri pants from a few years ago. (Like the Terminator, they'll be back.) However, Thom Browne's thoughts on no socks with suits is a good one, but do it in an understated (i.e. MB) way. Go sockless with a normal inseam and then surprise folks with a leg cross or a nicely-timed gust of wind. Just be sure to wear a pair of these socks with your shoes.
Black Zulu band via Westcoastime. $17.00.Q: So thanks to you guys I've taken quite a turn for the bastardly -- started tucking in sport shirts, stopped wearing a thumb ring and bracelet, etc. -- and it's made a huge difference in how I present and feel about myself. So thanks for that.
Anyway, I've got a question regarding watches, specifically how to wear them. I've always taken to wearing them upside-down on my right wrist -- I'm right-handed -- but I'm not sure if comes off as TTH. Where do you guys stand? Or does it even make much of a difference?
Also, how do you guys feel about rubber/nylon straps for watches? I've never been a fan of stainless steel 'cause it scuffs too easily and slides around too much. --Michael
A: Thanks for the kind words and we're glad we've been of assistance. Now tuck in that shirt, son! You're slippin'.
Anyhow, regarding watch placement, right wrist is OK but perhaps reconsider the upside-down part. With your positioning there's wasted motion involved in telling time, and over time could lead to repetitive stress injury.
Regarding bands, you're going to get us to add a corollary to the Principle of Organic Materials. Of course, a dress watch almost always demands a leather band, but for anything sporty we too prefer nylon to steel. The best band we've ever found is the Zulu strap, again from Westcoastime. You will be pleased with that purchase.
Q: What's your take on glasses? I'm nearsighted and I wear contacts most of the time, but occasionally I do like to wear my glasses (for the sake of the "look"). Do you have any recommendations on things like frame (metal/plastic), shape (round, oval, square), color (black, brown, etc...), rimless or rimmed, and size? Or should I just stick to contacts? --4Eyes
A: We strongly endorse eyeglasses. They are a great way to accessorize stylishly, or to achieve "the look" as you say. This "look" may even end up defining you, as they have for many MBs throughout history. As far as material and shape and rims, experiment and see what you like and don't like. We almost always end up with vintage eyewear, which you can find at antique stores or our favorite (and we reckon the best) online dealer for new old stock: allyn scura. Tell Scott (the owner) we sent you.
See if you can identify these MBs before looking at the answers below.
Top Row: Salvador Allende, Arthur Ashe, William S. Burroughs, Michael Caine Middle Row: Elvis Costello, Sammy Davis Jr., James Dean, Johnny Depp Bottom Row: J. William Fulbright, Mahatma Gandhi, Philip Johnson, Le Corbusier
Q: Howdy: I'm looking at buying a suede jacket. Last night, my wife and I were watching the movie, Music and Lyrics on HBO. Hugh Grant was wearing a really nice brown one. I said I want one similar ... my wife said the collar was too wide. We agreed to let you decide. What say you? --John
A: We're not sure about the age-inappropriate necklace or the quarter-zip mock neck sweater, but the collar on that jacket, while bold, is just fine by us. The only problem: good luck finding it. Since she lost the argument, put your wife on the search.
Q: You can't think of any fat guys who are MBs? How about Sydney Greenstreet or Charles Laughton? Auric Goldfinger or the Kingpin?
Magnificent Bastards all. --Marcus
A: Let's just say we have different definitions of Magnificent Bastard-dom. Who's the MB in this picture? (Hint: It's not the guy on the left who cheats at both cards and golf.) Now, if you had said "Fat Elvis" instead of some tubby Brits and a comic book character, you'd have an argument.
UPDATE: Reader Sid chimes in with an MB-endorsed observation:
As to whether or not a fat guy can be an MB, I'm going with "yes, but it's really hard to pull off."
Case in point: Winston Churchill. yeah, he's a Brit, but a certain degree of Anglophilia is well within MB rights (you've said as much yourselves). Snappy dresser, master drinker, always ready with a quip, and pretty much singlehandedly kept Britain's shit together during WW2.
I'll admit, he started off skinny (like Brando) and got increasingly fat and nasty (like Brando) but the height of his MB-dom was obviously during WW2, at which point he was definitely on the tubby side of things.
Corrolary: Orson Welles. Sure, he also got fat and nasty by the endgame, but Welles was an MB's MB.
Q: Can fat guys be MBs? They can't pull off the perfect suit, or show off a sweet non-pleated pant, but I'm sure there have been some badass big MB guys in the past. I'm not talking Michael Moore fat (and unkempt), but maybe a guy that goes to the Big and Tall store a touch more for the "Big" than the "Tall." --Fat Bastard
A: We're pretty sure there exists a fat MB, it's just that we can't really think of one outside of perhaps Santa Claus ... and he still has to put on polyester once a year.
A little additional chub can still work, but not too much. Just look to Marlon Brando for guidance:
Top: Fit Brando the iconic image of cool American masculinity.
Bottom: Fat Brando the iconic image of diabetes, waddling, hanging out at Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch.
Q: Black shirts with colored stripes? Yes or no? I got one for a gift and I'm leaning toward no, but a friend of mine keeps telling me I should wear it. --Dustin
A: Unless you play for AC Milan, this is terrible advice. Either he has no style or he's setting you up to look bad by comparison when you hit the town. Either way, time to fine a new friend.
Q: I work for a jeweler and would like to buy my brother a watch. He will be retiring from the USMC this coming fall and will need a civilian watch. Are Tag Heuer, Tissot, or Movado MB-approved? If not, brand recommendations? --Jennifer
A: McQueen wore a Tag Heuer, but so does Tiger Woods, and that's a dealbreaker because he's a toolbag. Tissot makes some nice watches and the price is right. Movado is far too civilian-y and fragile-looking for a guy who could probably survive for a week solely on bullets and Marlboros.
We'd suggest going with something sporty and perhaps even military-inspired. He'll always be a Marine. Take a look at Westcoastime for some very affordable options. For a little more money, you could not go wrong with an Omega Seamaster. Works for Bond. If you're interested in becoming All-Time Favorite Sister of All-Time, see what kind of discount you can get on a Panerai.
Q: Would wearing a three-piece suit make the MB a bit too Swiss banker? Is it wrong to sport one in a light gray stripe? --Sampson
A: Not just too Swiss banker. Too Dean Vernon Wormer. And too Greg Marmalard. He was a little shit, just like Neidermeyer. In other words, a 3-piece suit is just too "authority figure" to qualify as an MB wardrobe entry, and MBs are known to have issues with authority. They're more likely to be members of Delta Tau Chi than Omega Theta Pi, if you get our drift.
Q: How does the MB approach color? Not as a seasonal rule, but in general, does the MB embrace color, or shy away? I've been using color mostly in accents and smaller articles of clothing, leaving the main pieces to neutral color palettes. Is this the way to go? --Matt
A: Matt, you've basically got it, except for the part about color in accents and smaller articles of clothing. Just look at how these MBs keep their palette simple and almost completely devoid of color.
Beautiful Collarbones Pictured in Isaac Mizrahi Dress via Target. $34.99.Q: I'm thinking it's about time to go shopping, but I haven't got a clue about what to buy. I'd like to look a little bit mature, but since I'm actually not that old (18) I want stuff that's easy to dress down or just make a little more playful. Oh, and I usually look better in things with a waist. Any suggestions? --Eva
A: Eva, you sure about this waist thing? If so, here are three waist-friendly options, depending on you budget. From big to small:
Nanette Lepore - More difficult to dress down, but has the strong '50s vibe it sounds like you dig. A bunch of choices at shopbop.com.
J. Crew - Lots of options to make you look older than 18 here.
Target - No joke. If you're on a typical 18 year-old's budget, Isaac Mizrahi for Target fits the bill. Get it while you still can; he'll be gone soon.
The MB-preferred shaving techniqueQ: Ever since I began shaving, I've been getting razor bumps in the neck region. I've tried shaving with a five blade electric razor after taking a hot shower, shaving with the direction of the hair, and only shaving once every three days. However none of these methods seem to alleviate the problem. I don't want to do laser hair removal. What do you suggest? --Brock
A: Sorry Brock, we cannot help you. The morning shave leaves our faces as smooth as Barbie's ass.
But we can't just leave you in a bumpy-necked lurch. For assistance we've turned to Michael Gilman, co-founder of men's grooming site Grooming Lounge for some answers:
First, an irritation-free shave is all about preparation. Shaving right after a shower is important, but only half the battle. In addition to shaving a warm beard, he should also prepare the beard using a shave oil and shave cream combination. The oil will help his whiskers stand at attention and the cream will work in tandem with the oil to soften skin and the whiskers. The result is less razor drag and irritation.
Secondly, for guys with sensitive skin, 5 blades is just too much. It's the equivalent of taking three or four extra passes with the razor. For sensitive skin that’s too vigorous. We suggest a triple bladed razor and that's what we use in-house.
Another tip is to really make sure he's shaving with the direction of hair growth and not just "down." For a lot of men, hair grows side to side or diagonally and it's important to follow this path to reduce irritation. Of course, no slicing and only going against the grain for areas that really need it and only doing so once.
Finally, in addition to a soothing, non-alcohol based aftershave, there's a miracle product that really helps guys with chronic razor burn. It's called Barc Bump Down, and God knows how it works, but applying some post-shave really reduces razor burn and bumps. I've used it myself to ward of irritation and its slight sting is well worth it.
Vintage bootcut-fit jean in dark worn wash via J. Crew. $96.00.Q: My boyfriend loves your site and I enjoy it too so I told my dad to check it out because he takes pride in his appearance and has a sense of humor...well when he looked up what kind of jeans he should wear you told him diapers. Not cool! --Carrie
A: Not just any ol' diapers, Carrie! Depends®! Of course 60 year-olds can wear denim. Just have your pop avoid anything with a design on the back pocket, in a weird wash, or too high or low-rise. For easy and affordable, J. Crew or Banana will work. If he's feeling up to it, have him take a look at our favorite: AG. Finally, get your old man's sense of humor in for a tune-up.
Q: What the hell can I wear with jean shorts?! I just recently donated a bunch of my clothes and noticed I have tons of jean shorts. I can't think up anything that can go with them. Should I have donated them too? Help! --Aaron
A: Florida Gator quarterback and massive toolbag Tim Tebow wears jean shorts. (Looks as though MBs can safely rule out Birkenstocks as well. But you knew that.) If that doesn't answer your question, visit jean short photo site jorts.com and let us know if you find one guy even approximating Magnificent Bastard-dom. Aaron, this is best left to the opposite sex, specifically Daisy Duke or women with DD-quality buns.
UGG Men's Rockville via uggaustralia.com. $200.00.Q: I generally agree that they are a terrible curse on humanity but these are quite MB in my opinion. They first caught my eye in a recent ad in GQ. --Matt
A: Egads man. These ain't MB. They look like the result of a company with a history of making soft, cheap, sheepskin boots that decides to make something "badass." If you're wanting that buckle look in the same price range, try something from Frye, the oldest continuously operated shoe company in America (1863).
Q: First, thanks for clarifying the difference between a decent cocktail and a great one. It's changed the way I drink.
But I wanted to know what should be ordered when drinking isn't an option. I don't mean the basics. I'm assuming the coffee is always black, the water is never branded, and the drink, given the choice, is never bottled. What I mean is that time where you want to stay a few extra minutes at the bar, but another would put you over the limit. What do you ask for? --John (from the UK)
A: Generally, what we'd ask for is the check, but it sounds like you're looking for advice on how to keep sipping on something when you might have a good reason to hang around for a few more minutes at the bar.
Did she have a nice pair of cans?
The simple choice is tonic water with a twist. Usually, though, this might mean sucking down something that just recently saw the inside of a hose. We're not cattle! Being from the UK, you should be able to find the best choice in tonic: Fever-Tree. For those in the states, Q Tonic is becoming more widely available. And yes, we strongly suggest demanding one of these premium tonics the next time your bartender mixes up a gin and tonic.
But why go cold turkey? The goal is to keep your blood-alcohol level down, not put your kidneys into shock. Try something tasteful with far less alcohol than the your usual, three-shot Rob Roy. That's where one of our favorites, the Americano, comes in. Order this heavy on the soda and you'll have an enjoyable, not overly boozy option when slowly winding down your evening.
Classic Americano
3 parts Campari
3 parts sweet vermouth (Noilly Pratt)
splash of soda water
dash of orange bitters
Give a quick shake, pour over ice in a Collins glass, garnish with an orange peel.
MB "Last Call" Americano
1 part Campari
1 part sweet vermouth (Noilly Pratt)
3 parts soda water
dash of orange bitters
Pour all ingredients over ice, stir briskly, garnish with an orange peel.
Q: OK, when wearing cufflinks, if your shirt has a button placket just north of the cuff, do you use the button or leave it undone? I vote "use the button," but I see some seemingly very MB-esque people forgoing it. Please shed some Magnificent light on the subject. --Tim
A: Button? What button? We don't think we've ever used that button on either a button cuff or single/French cuff shirt. Those people you're seeing are MB-esque for a reason: they're MBs.
Q: Suits: are we still in 2-button, double-vent mode, or is there something new on the horizon? It is time to update the old wardrobe? Can I still wear my old 4 button models or are those too far gone? --Allen
A: The 2-button, double-vent mode is still a great choice. Heck, even an alien like Klaatu (Keanu Reeves) from The Day the Earth Stood Still knows it. (If you look closely you can pick out the double vents.)
Regarding the 4-button versions in your possession, we're going to invoke the well-known Charles Barkley rule and request that they remain in your closet.
Men's Classic Short via uggaustralia.com. $130.00.Q: My wife just surprised me with a pair of men's Uggs (dark brown short boots) for my birthday. What should I do? I love my wife (she is sitting next to me). --Stephen
A: Remember that wedding vow stuff? "For better or for worse"? Surely there was never any mention about Ugg boots for men, so read on.
These have been outgoing on women for well over a year and are a style trainwreck for men. It's great that you love your wife, Stephen. Sounds like you have a healthy, strong marriage, and even sit closely while emailing. Ask her for the receipt, give her a peck on the cheek, and then make your way to the mall for a return.
Kielh's 'Ultimate Man' Collection via Saks Fifth Avenue. $55.00.Q: My boyfriend recently discovered your site and now it's his dogma. The problem: I was going to get him Crocs for his birthday next month, thinking he would like a comfortable, lazy-day alternative to real shoes like I do, but now he's all against them because of you. So what should I get a newly minted MB-wannabe for his b-day? It doesn't have to be shoes, but it has to be cheap. Like probably any clothing recommendations you would make would be too much for me. --Breda
Clothing or footwear is such a dicey proposition in the first place. In the Crocs price range we recommend the Kiehl's "Ultimate Man" Collection. It's 55 bucks and he'll smell nice, be clean, have soft hands, and kiss-worthy lips. In fact, this gift is more for you than it is him, and those are always the best kind.
Typically a man becomes more MB with age, as he learns from earlier mistakes and takes on the patina of someone who's endured polar fleece and Dockers. An obvious exception to this rule is Kevin Costner, seen in the most recent issue of People sporting a soul patch.
Q: Love your site and you are right on with the boot and tucked in pants deal. My question is about where a gin martini fits in your MB seasonal drink chart. Winter is bourbon and scotch season certainly, but an icy martini does have its place too as the weather gets cold and dark in my opinion. Your thoughts? --Bradley
A: Regular readers of our site know that the Rob Roy is the MB's year-round drink of choice, but a gin martini is certainly more than acceptable alternative when you need a break from a seasonal overabundance of the brown liquors.
The MB version of the classic martini has a bastardly nod toward the classic origins of the cocktail (dash of orange bitters) but also a magnificent nod to getting the taste right above all else (appropriate amount of vermouth, because the flavor complexity is required, and a slight shaking, because the dilution with water brings out a better aroma and flavor). The modern obsession with an overly dry martini shows little knowledge of what the cocktail needs to deliver. (Sorry Mr. Churchill.)
Going Bradford (i.e. giving it a shake), is where the MB wants to be, though he appreciates the stance of the purists who advocate only stirring. Also, the Gibson version (with a cocktail onion garnish) isn't frowned upon.
MB Gin Martini
4 parts gin (Plymouth or Boodles)
1 part dry vermouth (Noilly Pratt)
dash of Regans' orange bitters
Give the gin, vermouth, and bitters a quick shake. Serve up with a lemon twist.
She's looking mad, even while clothed in Theory cashmere. Nice.Q: As an aspiring MB in my early 20s, it's troubling my otherwise attractive and eloquent girlfriend almost exclusively sticks to clothing with style that would better suit a tween at a "Twilight" premiere. Any suggestions on how to ween her away from the kiddie clothes and towards a more age-appropriate look without inciting rage? --Sean
A: We love it when an attractive, eloquent, early 20-something women gets mad.
Our guess is she's still shopping in juniors with the other Twi-hards. She needs to shift to contemporary, which unfortunately for you is a bigger budget commitment, but better quality and fewer tacky midriff-baring tops. Try a gift certificate from BCBG, Club Monaco, or French Connection. If her pockets (and yours) are a little deeper just go straight to Theory and be done with it.
Q: My boyfriend keeps asking me what color shoes to wear with various colored shirts. I honestly never have a clue. I know what works for women, but not for men. Is there some sort rule? For instance, what color shoes/belt would you wear with a purple shirt? --Jessica
A: This might be an issue for women because their color palette is enhanced, especially for shoes. How many guys own a pair of pink heels? To answer your question, it really doesn't matter. He can confidently wear that TCU long-sleeve shirt with either black or brown. Just not white New Balance, please. Go Frogs!
Q: i love your site, and have used it as leverage to convince my fiance that certain fashion choices are good (and bad - i talked him out of a pair of oakleys because of you guys!). i just wish there was an equivalent for women that was so straightforward! any suggestions? or do you know equally fashion-forward girls you could convince to start their own site? women need fashion help too! --Stephanie
A: We've heard something about go fug yourself and we recall some lady friends talking about DailyCandy.
Frankly Stephanie, we think we're pretty good at dispensing advice to women as well, so if you or any other readers of the fairer sex have a question, we will gladly take a crack at it.
Q: I ordered a Burberry stretch cashmere sweater that looks a little too tight. It is size medium and I want to wear an MB collared white shirt under. If I pull it down so that it doesn't leave slack then it becomes tight and long. If I go to a size small it would be way too tight and be too close to the waist. If I go large then it might have too much extra slack. I can't win. Is it better to have clothing that is a little too tight or too loose. --Dennis
A: You think we do all those grueling lunges, dead lifts, and bench presses so we can hide the results underneath a baggy Burberry cashmere sweater? No sir. This is pretty simple. If you don't have any unsightly bulges then go with a little too tight vs. too loose.
Additionally, about your size dilemma: You can shape a cashmere sweater (even with a little elastane) to be about whatever size and proportion you want with some careful washing, stretching, blocking, and drying.
Of course you'll wear yours with a collared shirtQ: I am planning on pooling some X-mas money together to purchase a suit (the purchase would double this MB-in-training's collection). I am looking for something that says I'm ready for the position/adventure. I've asked for gift certificates to Banana Republic from a couple people, so if you had a few suggestions, maybe you could start there. --Matt
A: Matt, for a fella who's just starting out you could do a lot worse than a Banana Republic suit. Just make sure it's a two-button version, and nothing too trendy like the 3 external jacket pockets they're showing on some of their Monogram line.
One other place you should explore before making a decision is yoox.com. They have better, more unique suits than BR for equivalent prices. Even the least expensive Banana pant-jacket combo is going to run you $475. For an additional $100 you could get into this Costume National suit (originally $1000) that would announce very clearly you're ready for the adventure, and set you apart from the competition.
Q: Do you hate the Blackberry Storm like I do? --Deborah
A: Well if you've been here for a while you know our stance on the iPhone, so you can probably guess what we think of an iPhone impersonator from the maker of the ultimate toolbag communication device. The "Storm" feels like a middle-aged dad trying to be "cool" and "hip" like his high school son/daughter, but ends up only embarassing the hell out of everyone.
Overheard at the office:
"Says here 'Upload to flickr.' What the fuck is flickr?"
Q: What kind of hoodie is Will Smith wearing in Hancock and where do you get one? --Ric
A: The actual hoodie worn by Smith in the scene pictured is now for sale on eBay (auction ends Wednesday). It's a grey Russell Athletic you can get just about anywhere. As for the two-tone version he's wearing on the beach (inset), we're doing some digging.
Anthony Michael Hall as Jim. Nice acid wash!Q: I have a black mock turtleneck I want to wear under a dark gray /green suit. People says it looks nice but I want to be sure... The other option is a white shirt/no tie... It is for a HS reunion....The black turtleneck is slimming which draws me to it as well. --Jeff
A: Jeff, we sense you're a new MB reader so we'll go easy on you. Are you out of your fucking mind? Ignore the "people" and wear the white shirt for chrissakes. Leave the mock turtlenecks for especially toolbaggy characters from classic Tim Burton fables. Also consider dressing down at least one notch and hopefully two. We're talking high school reunion here, not a job interview.
Q: Ok shawl collar? Any comments? Steve McQueen sure did and I don't think I've ever seen a better one than on Daniel Craig in Quantum. Misguided or magnificent? --Ron
A: Ron, your question kinda leads you to the answer, don'tcha think? We've weighed in on McQueen's shawl collar sweater before. A couple oftimes. While we'd prefer Dan Craig had a woven under his Tom Ford version, we agree with your analysis.
Q: What does the MB have to say about trench coats for short guys? I'm around 5'6" and looking for a new coat for the winter. --Don
A: Follow the example set by the indomitable Inspector Clouseau in the Pink Panther cartoons. The Pink Panther is about 6' tall, so Clouseau has to come in at around 4' (including the hat), and he goes with a shorter trench that ends above the knee.
Q: Couldn't help but notice that in Quantum of Solace, 007 has apparently lost the traditional Bond sense of humor. Is being a humorless dick the new charming? --Jude
A: If there is one thing we've learned from Season 2 of The Pickup Artist (and Season 1 also!), it's the importance of throwing negs to open sets. Unfortunately the part "New Bond" is missing is the cheeky follow-up, which invariably leads to pairs of other cheeks.
Ask any broad, dame, or lass: besides a well-endowed trust fund, there ain't no feature better than a sense of humor.
Q: Need a good black winter coat. Got any favorites? --Tripp
A: Tripp, your email comes from Duke University, so we'll assume you're at least somewhat on a college guy's budget, and it ain't like Durham gets that nippy even in January. Anyhow, Spiewak always provides great value. For the price ($132.00) we sure like their McKenzie Coat. For a little more dough, this season Banana Republic has a surprisingly good peacoat. If you've been saving up your beer money, for whatever reason, Diesel makes Dean's List.
Q: What do you suggest that one does with their collars when wearing a crewneck sweater? Keep them tucked in or flop them out? --Rob
A: If you are wearing a woven shirt, keep those collars in. If your shirt is a knit either way is acceptable. MB JFK tucked his in; MB William F. Buckley let his hang out.
Q: My stylist recommended American Crew Forming Cream as a "product" to keep my do in check. However, in these tough economic times, $15 for less than four ounces of goop seems like a luxury I cannot afford. Are there cheaper alternatives to this product out there? --Ed
A: Well, you could try Twilight heartthrob and new "It" guy Robert Pattinson's approach and not wash your hair for four years. Natural oils combined with dirt provide high hold and shine!
Ed, we're going to be frank. You're getting your hair cut by a stylist -- which is likely running you a minimum of $50 plus tip -- and you're bitching about $15 for product? While we hate their shampoos, American Crew hair cream is probably our all-time favorite grooming product, and that 3.53 oz. container lasts forever. Possibly the best $15 you'll ever spend.
Would the High Plains Drifter tuck in?Q: Like the site. Love the wit. Disagree with the advice at times. Your recent comment about pants tucked into your boots will either be looked back upon as classic style genius, or out of step for 2009. Take a look at this: --Eric
A: We don't believe in following the latest fad to emerge from some blog photographing some guy on a street in NYC. Anyhow, $100 says this look is actually unaffected and the result of his jeans being too skinny to go over his goddamn boots. Christ. Yet another unsightly byproduct of the skinny trend.
Q: As we venture deeper into cold weather here in New York, I've noticed many guys walking around with their pants tucked into their boots. Initially, I vehemently opposed. On further consideration, I thought the look might be able to be achieved. Then upon even further thought, I dismissed it on grounds of TTH. Thoughts? --Josh
A: It's not TTH (Trying Too Hard), it's TTHTLLYS (Trying Too Hard To Look Like Yosemite Sam). Tucking your pants into your boots shortens your legs, hence making you look short. Like Yosemite Sam. Unless you're 7'+, this is asinine and be only somethin' varmits do.
Q: Clarification on the turtleneck. Surely you refer to the ribbed/knit examples you show and NOT the cotton tight-necked number we all remember from childhood winters. --Palmy
A: Paul Newman made a fairly tight-necked turtleneck work pretty well in perhaps the most famous turtleneck photo of all time. Palmy, maybe your 2nd-grade sartorial memories aren't as bad as you think.
Q: I'm not a big fan of jewelry in general, but every once in a while I get the inclination to try wearing a bracelet or dog tags. Should I ignore that inclination? --Dustin
A: We don't love the smell of accessorization in the morning.
Robert Duvall rocked the bracelet and dogs tags in a major way as Lt. Col. Bill Kilgore in Apocalypse Now. (Incidentally, he was 48 years old in this picture.) But he was in the U.S. Army, in theater, fighting the Vietnamese at the time. We're guessing you're not. For civilians we preach accessorization minimization, so go ahead and ignore that inclination.
Q: I reject the MB's stance against pinkie rings at all cost. I wear a simple, small, stainless steel one because of what it represents. I'm an engineer from Canada (ya make all the jokes you want to prove your American insecurity, eh) and it represents a solemn expression of intent, a reminder of the humanity and responsibility involved in the profession. Keep that in mind when the guy-from-out-of-town drinks you under the bar while wearing one. Plus the ring follows the MB mantra, lack of utility coinciding with obscurity. --Ethan
A: The other day we were watching a television advertisement for a national restaurant chain and witnessed a customer wearing a pinkie ring (and exhibiting PDA). The restaurant was Applebee's. Our challenge to you, Mr. smart engineer guy: calculate the degree incline of the uphill battle you're fighting.
Q: Does the MB have a white leather belt in his quiver? I have noticed a trend in fashion to don the WLB with certain styles or retro. Your take? --Stephen
A: Yessir, an MB has one of these arrows in his closet, and it's especially appropriate on the golf course/retro. It's not the easiest to pull off, but if there's doubt just think of Johnny Miller in 1976 on his way to a British Open title.
Q: I'm unclear on your turtleneck position. Are saying it was only ok in 1968 and for chaps much more MB than I'll ever be? I have a navy tall mock turtleneck (taller than a mock but not enough to fold over) that I love. Not MB? --Scott
A: We're saying McQueen, Player, and Newkirk helped make the turtleneck forever cool. If you don't have enough material to fold over, or let flop down in an artfully disheveled way, then you ought to keep it in your closet. Or perhaps burn it. Anything even veering towards mock should be avoided or you might start looking like Tiger Woods. And that ain't good.
Q: Is the turtleneck completely dead? Are there any exceptions? Is it coming back? I have a bunch -- not sure whether to burn 'em. --AJ
A: Many may remember 1968 as kind of a downer, with RFK and MLK getting shot, the Tet Offensive, and Nixon's election. However, AJ, for the turtleneck, 1968 defined it as forever cool.
Top: In 1968's Bullitt, Steve McQueen paired a turtleneck with a tweedy blazer and cemented his status as a style icon.
Middle: In 1968 Gary Player paired a turtleneck with 289 at Carnoustie and got his name inscribed on the Claret Jug.
Bottom: In 1968 Newkirk paired a turtleneck with pickpocketing, locksmithing, and card-sharking to defeat Col. Klink and the Third Reich.
Q: Some formalwear questions: One or two vents for the jacket? French cuffs on the shirt? What kind of collar? Spread, pointed? Button down or not? --John
A: We'll, since Quantum of Solace is opening on Friday, it's appropriate to look to James Bond for the answers. Because he's got 'em all: The jacket should have a double vent (we've covered this before). The shirt should have French cuffs, and a point collar. And anyone who wears a button-down should be put out of his misery with Connery's old Walther PP. Or at the very least an aggressive pistol-whipping.
Q: Of course being an MB is about exuding confidence in all that you do, it helps to be lean, or at least not a fat bastard. I'm athletic but need to lose about 20lbs. to look my best. What eating habits to you propose for the MB lifestyle? --Travis
A: Food writer Michael Pollan described a good diet simply: "Eat real food. Not too much. Mostly plants." Change the word "plants" to "animals" and we think he might be onto something.
Travis, the fact is, weight loss (and gain) is simple mathematics. Eat less, work out more, and the 20lbs. will be gone pronto.
Q: I live in a total flannel shirt and NASCAR baseball hat state but consider myself a MB. Going back to your article "The Tyranny of the Untucked Sport Shirt", there sems to be a little lack of clarification. Is it OK to tuck in the sport shirt when wearing jeans? As a 32 year old guy, I don't want to exude that older, dad look. Please advise. --Evan in Maine.
As far as the dreaded "dad look" goes, this has more to do with the choice of denim and belt-mounted communication device than it does with tucking in your sport shirt.
Edun Brando Military Shirt via Saks Fifth Avenue. $155.00.Q: Is it ever acceptable to wear a button up shirt untucked? I always tuck my shirts in, but my friend always tries to get me to untuck them. Should I ever listen to him on the topic of shirts (or anything else)? --PO
A: We have discussed this issue before in a post entitled, "The Tyranny of the Untucked Sport Shirt." Unless the shirt is designed to be untucked, like this "Brando Military Shirt" from Edun, your shirt should be tucked in. In other words, ignore your friend in all matters, not just sartorial.
Theory Thomas Avenue Pants via Saks Fifth Avenue. $185.00.Q: I love flat front dress pants that appear to have a slight flare at the bottom of the leg (think "Doug" in Mind of a Married Man). But, I have a difficult time finding the cut and fit. I have a great pair by Theory, they are totally MB. Can you point me towards any makers with this fit? Any thoughts on this look? --Rich
A: Rich, you indeed are an MB. Theory's slight bootcut dress pants make most men look great, and perhaps because of this, fellas have a little extra swagger in their step when they wear 'em. Heck, look at the MB-style pose of the model in this picture! One thing we do not and never will understand is the slim/skinny pant trend, which seems to be peaking
(hopefully) in Fall 2008. About 5% of the male population can make this work satisfactorily, and 4% are under-fed hipster doofuses who play in some crap band. For the rest of the guys out there, all this cut accomplishes is making their ass look big.
Anyhow, finding what you want in the slim tsunami is difficult, but John Varvatos is a good option (inset).
Q: A sweater with a shawl collar: a fleeting trend or an MB wardrobe staple? --Wadie
A: The shawl-collar sweater doesn't quite reach the high "wardrobe staple" bar, but in 1968's Bullitt Steve McQueen definitively made it more than a "fleeting trend." Wear with confidence this year, and next.
Q: How much corduroy is too much? I, like many, own a corduroy blazer. It's chocolate and I love how versatile it is. But around this time of year, I also like wearing corduroy pants, mainly to work. Seems like overkill to wear both together. Am I right? --Jason
A: You are basically correct. An icon like YSL could probably make mismatched corduroy work, but the degree of difficulty is extremely high. A full-on corduroy suit is MB-approved, especially if you're trying to pull off that disheveled egghead look. It worked well for Donald Sutherland as the stoner English professor Dave Jennings in Animal House. And he ended up plowing Karen Allen.
We digress. Jason, to answer your question, match that blazer with a pair of jeans and rumpled oxford and wool/cashmere tie and you're good to go.
Q: Alright, I've been looking for a bastardly leather jacket for a while. Motorcycle inspired without being too Joey Ramone. Found some really nice and really expensive ones from the likes of Rick Owens and Burberry among others. Of course the ones I really like are the most expensive. Any suggestions for a nearly as cool but not nearly as pricey option? --keska
A: "The ones I really like are the most expensive." Funny how that works when you're an MB. It's our burden.
Anyhow, we don't really have an answer you're going to like. If you want to get into a motorcycle-inspired leather jacket and don't want to veer into Aurthur Fonzarelli territory, you'll have to pay.
Q: Hello, I've got a question about watch shape. I prefer square shape watches over round ones. Which is more MB? And which should be worn in what situation? --PK
A: JFK wore a square Omega at the Inaugural Ball on January 19, 1960 (pictured), and on a lot of other occasions, so you're in good company. However, square is definitely more formal and serious, and those kinds of wearing opportunities are few and far between. After all, how many times do you plan on taking the oath of office? A much more sensible choice for an every day wearer is round.
Q: As an early 40's MB whose M has slipped a bit, what do you recommend as the basic wardrobe essentials for bring it back? --RG
A: As a one-time true MB, your perceived slippage probably has less to do with wardrobe selection than it does with hair loss, weight gain, or your wife going to pot. Instead of having an affair, try two far less expensive options:
Denim: We see far too many aging men wind up in "Dad Jeans" (top) -- aka "Jerry Seinfeld Jeans" (bottom). Get into a good pair of denim; something that's not Levi's tapered high-rise.
Footwear: Something else we see far too much of: white New Balance running shoes. These have become the Hush Puppies of aging Gen-Xers. Along with your new jeans, try a pair of Campers, or Adidas Originals, or anything from Puma's Alexander McQueen collection, and start getting your M back.
Q: Whenever I dress in a t-shirt and jeans I always look so plain. What are some ways I can look more magnificent, other than things like sunglasses and v-necks? --John
A: Well, you can call it plain. With the just the right denim and just the right t-shirt, combined with thoughtful accessorization (yes, beyond sunglasses) or footwear, we call this The Uniform.
But don't just take our word for it. Victoria Beckham, up-and-coming designer and former Posh Spice, in the October issue of Details magazine, documents her 10 Rules of Style. Her #1 rule is something we heartily endorse:
Style isn't about money. One of the nicest outfits on a man is pair of jeans, some old, messed-up boots, a simple white tee, and a vintage leather belt. You don't have to spend a lot. It's about mixing and matching and getting things that fit properly.
We'll try to demonstrate this visually in future editions.
Q: Hi guys, love the site but I'm having something of a difficult time implementing the advice. I'm 23, and my problem is that I'm 7' tall and quite thin, and it's damn near impossible to find fashionable clothes that fit properly. Are there any good designer labels that cater specifically to tall people? Also, are there any dress tips that might help me blend in a bit better? I'm tired of standing out all the time. --Michael
A: How's your low-post defense? Or your mid-range jumper? And perhaps most importantly, how does your skin react to sustained contact with 100% jersey polyester?
In all seriousness, none of the designers featured on this site are going to help you much beyond a t-shirt or accessory. Michael, it's time to discover the world of bespoke clothing. You think those injured NBA players at the end of the bench are in off-the-rack suits from Macy's? OK, maybe the guards and small forwards. Find a good tailor in your area and he can handle all your office-related suiting and shirting needs. For jeans, find a denim bar with a sewing machine on the premises and those elusive 46" inseam bootcuts are yours while you wait. (Note: this may require coastal travel if you're not already there.)
As for blending in better, try to spend a lot of time sitting down.
Q: I've been looking for a new fall/winter coat. I really like this coat from J. Crew, but I wanted your opinion. It's the J. Crew Sutherland herringbone topcoat. --Matt
A: Great silhouette. Nice price. Model has collar properly turned up. We endorse this purchase, Matt, but only if you are > 6' 0" and fairly svelte. Otherwise you may be headed into herringbone bathrobe territory.
AG jeans in 'nice ass' washQ: While we have long had our suspicions, you have made it abundantly clear that you, dearest, are a true blue, card-carrying breast guy. Of course, we love that about you ... it shows that under that cool, aloof and artfully disheveled exterior lies a lusty, red-blooded bastard. Luckily for us boyish-figured girl detectives, however, there is a non-negligible percentage of your brethren who are actually ass guys. (Perhaps you have a diagram for this?) Why don't you throw them some sugar from time to time, Sugar? --Nancy Drew
A: We will definitely consider how an ass-breast chart be best laid out. In the meantime, we don't think it's abundantly clear we're breast guys. We've admired Heidi Klum's ass (in spite of the Photoshop lypo), and flat-chested Audrey Hepburn is one of our favorites. We were also one of the first organizations on record as being opposed to Hillary Clinton's increased cleavage exposure.
Would real breast guys take that stance? OK, well, maybe. But the point is, we do not discriminate or play favorites. Breasts and asses have equality before the law MB.
It's all really a moot point anyhow. A bird's personal style and what's between her ears trump breasts and asses any day.
Q: What's your view on pagers? You know the little thing that sits on your belt and receive messages. I don't like carrying my phone around with me, but I still want people to be able to get in touch with me when I'm out of the office. --Dave
A: Dave, we reckon you're toying with us by asking this question, but we strongly endorse such an anachronistic gesture. It's like writing a letter on a typewriter. (Don't go with the acid wash though.)
Q: When is it too late to wear a white cotton suit? What if it is still warm at the end of September? --Ben
We've previously set rules on white jeans (which were then copied by GQ's Style Guy in the July 2008 issue). The window for a white cotton suit is quite a bit smaller. Unless you're south of 26 degrees North latitude (about Ft. Lauderdale, FL), a strict Memorial Day-Labor Day rule is enforced.
Pulaski Red Raider marching bandQ: Darling MB: Where are you located? I have trouble imagining you in NYC or SF, but I'd be delighted were you in either fine city. Also, the word "chick"? Utterly pedestrian. I'm not asking for you to go all-out hipster and say something ridiculous like "birdie" or "doll", but really. xx. --Holden
A: What, no kisses? Hon, your instincts are strong. We're based out of Pulaski, WI.
Q: What are your thoughts on cargo pants? I see no reference under pants? --Clint
A: Perhaps the best quote from 2007's Superbad is from Seth, played by Jonah Hill: "Nobody has gotten a hand job in cargo shorts since 'Nam!" Yes, we're talking about cargo pants here, but it's probably safe to say no one's gotten a hand job in cargo pants since Grenada, or at least Desert Storm.
Once again, 14th-century English logician and Franciscan friar William of Ockham brings clarity to the issue of cargo pants: "All other things being equal, the simplest solution is the best." In other words, what the hell do you need all those extra pockets for?
Q: Regarding North Face fleece, just what exactly is the principle of organic materials? --Lee
A: The principle of organic materials is simple: It's that organic materials are inherently superior to anything made by man, even if they are less practical. So when given a choice, always choose organic materials.
Try this thought experiment to illustrate the point: Imagine the ultimate MB -- JFK -- sailing a boat made out of fiberglass. Your head just exploded. See what we mean? Plus, given that organics are the result of Mother Nature, there are always slight imperfections that enhance another core MB attribute: artful dishevelment. (Note JFK's look.)
Use the following table to help guide your decision-making.
Q: Fall and winter are looming on the horizon and the need to stay warm is quickly becoming a concern. What is your opinion on "The North Face" craze? Past peak? I hope not since I own several of their jackets for casual/ski wear and still love them. --Matt
A: Matt, is there a resale shop near you?
North Face fleece violates at least three MB principles:
1. Principle of organic materials. 2. Principle of no logos. 3. Principle of not looking like Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg.
Q: Forgive me if this question is outside the realm of the MB: What's the best method of automotive transportation for an MB? I get mixed signals in an age of "going green" and MB principles of exclusivity, understatement and bastardness. Something ostentatious like a Hummer is no doubt passé and a Prius is too ubiquitous and trendy. My main mode of transport is a 40 MPG, 1997 Honda Civic HX with 256,000 miles. It's a great car and has never broken down but I suspect it's neither magnificent or bastardly. Thoughts? --Dan
A: This question no doubt deserves full treatment in the form of an MB Scientific Chart, but we're currently all too drunk from free booze at several GOP Convention parties to put one together. In the meantime, your instincts on the Hummer and the Prius are right on, and you're obviously understanding core MB principles like exclusivity and understatement. But the '97 Civic violates another core principle: a senseless lack of utility. Your car doesn't break down enough. Sorry ... where were we? Tune in later for a chart.
Dolce & Gabbana Reversible Cardigan via Saks Fifth Avenue. $475.00.Q: My boyfriend, (who is 30, I am 29) and I are attending a wedding on November 1st. The wedding is around noon, and what to wear then is not an issue. The reception however, is 6 hours later, in the early evening, at local micro brewery's event hall. Boyfriend is a sous chef, and his clothes are either casual, or formal, but we aren't sure what's best in this situation. And what about me? Cocktail dress? Satin slacks and a pretty top? We humbly seek your expertise and guidance. Thank you! -Dana
A: Dana, you don't need much help. Your hosts are signaling casual with the noon wedding and the brewpub. We like the satin slacks and pretty top idea. Hot. For your hash-slinging beau: casual to go with your un-cocktail dress look. November 1 is officially fall and darn close to holiday, so velvet works. Otherwise corduroy and something nubby, either the tie or the cardigan or the v-neck.
Jack Spade Messenger Bag via Barney's Co-Op. $150.00.Q: What do you think of the Jack Spade bags? --Bry
A: Hard to argue with the clean lines of Jack Spade bags. We suppose you can cut off that logo, with sharp cuticle scissors and steady hand. Bigger problem is, these things are everywhere, so they don't pass muster on the MB principle of exclusivity/obscurity.
This probably won't do.Q: I have a black tie wedding to attend. I don't have the financial clout to buy myself a good tux so my question is, if I'm renting what style would be the best? --Warren
A: Your limited financial clout has put you between a rock and a hard place, Warren. A couple of options to consider:
Option A: Find a formalwear rental place in your area that carries something designer and wool and with two buttons.
Option B: For a little more money, log onto ebay and rent to own.
Either way, avoid the $75 polyester special. When you factor in the post-wedding trip to the dermatologist, it's actually going to be the more expensive (not to mention least stylish) option.
John Varvatos Mercer Boot via zappos.com. $304.00.Q: As a young MB-in-training, I am always on the lookout for wardrobe staples that any MB cannot do without. The fall and winter seasons are approaching rapidly, and I am in dire need of the essential boot that cannot only withstand the harshest of weather, but also provide my feet with a look of class mixed with ruggedness. Finding such a pair is certainly a tough feat, and for that I graciously ask for your suggestions. Do note that I am but a mere collegian, so please forgo any exorbitant recommendations. --Max
A: You low cash-flowin', high-falutin' word-usin' college boys are making it tough. We've previously discussed black leather boots as a wardrobe staple, and tried explaining why a $600 pair of Prada Linea Rossas was actually a wise investment. We prefer rubber soles these days, but if you're going for ruggedness then leather is the better choice. Assuming you have $600, put $300 towards beer and drugs and CliffsNotes; put the the other $300 towards these John Varvatos Mercer boots. (Also recommended: a more casual pebbled version from bluefly.)
XN Vertical Messenger via Flight 001. $72.00.Q: So college starts soon, and I'd like a new bag. I really like messenger bags, but most of them are so UN-magnificent. What should this bastard buy for school? By the way, just discovered this site about a week ago, and it's one of my new favorites! --John
A: John, normally we would recommend something from Mandarina Duck or Knomo, but since you're in college, we'd rather see you spend your money on beer, grass, and condoms. Not necessarily in that order. For a cool messenger bag on a budget that no one else will own (that also holds a laptop), try this XN Vertical Messenger from one of our favorites, Flight 001. Currently 30% off clearance.
Q: I wear a lot of buttondown shirts to work, and I see my boss not buttoning down his collars. So I ask the MB, should I follow his example? --Mike
A: Mike, you can laugh at his jokes, maybe order a similar drink at happy hour, and own his pet project, but never compromise your own style. Keep your buttons buttoned. Besides, unbuttoned buttondown shirts is a little TTH. Even worse is GQ's Style Guy Glenn O'Brien, who, in a recent column, admitted to buttoning one and leaving the other unbuttoned, which is artful dishevelment all wrong.
Q: The September issue of Details magazine is noticing a new trend. For some guys, the go-to reward after a hard day isn't whiskey -- it's Gucci. All of a sudden, men are rewarding themselves the way women always have: with trips to their favorite stores to exercise the Amex. Compulsive shopping isn't just for girls anymore. Check out our story and let me know what you think. --Jenny, Details magazine
A: Jenny, why sacrifice whiskey for Gucci when an MB can have both? Setting foot in actual stores and interacting with actual people is so last century. Modern times demand multi-tasking: fix a Macallan neat, flip it to Bravo, and shop compulsively online (use the links on our home page) until either a.) you pass out, or b.) you find something cool. Can't lose.
Q: The last time I got my hair cut, the stylist (at Sport Clips) suggested that I start wearing it in a faux hawk. Even though I'm still an MB in training, I'm doubtful. So, what is your opinion on hairstyles (and going to Sport Clips)? --Byron
A: The faux hawk is the urban mullet. Yes, David Beckham can pull it off adequately, but he is David Beckham. Everyone else is simply a sad variation of Martin Short's SNL character, Ed Grimley (inset).
Regarding Sport Clips, all you need to do is look at the picture they use on the "About Sport Clips" page: the man most in need of an MB makeover on the planet. Byron, find yourself a hot young stylist who will shampoo your hair, give you a scalp massage, and not suggest bad hairstyle ideas.
Q: I come to you for t-shirt advice. As I continue my evolution to a certified MB, I'm at a crossroads. I obviously go for the logo-less, slim-fitting tees, but I've wanted to spice up my t-shirt wardrobe lately. Outside of plain tees, what is acceptable? Please impart your wisdom. --Pedro
A: You're on the right track, amigo. Besides logos we can also safely rule out graphics and legibility. Hence, you should avoid Project E, Tailgate, Rogues Gallery, Blue Marlin, Drifter, Monarchy, Morphine Generation, Kidrobot, and almost everything from Urban Outfitters.
Don't MB rules make life easy?
We've already expressed our fondness for the Calvin Klein T-shirt. It works in lots of situations, but certainly not all. Round out your collection with simple shirts from James Perse, NSF, Save Khaki, Barney's Co-Op, and our current favorite designer, John Varvatos. We highly recommend his slub cotton crewneck (top) and v-neck (bottom), a stylish twist on a basic.
So what do you think of Apple founder Steve Jobs' sense of style? These days, he almost always wears the same outfit in public, consisting of: 1) black mock turtleneck; 2) jeans; 3) white or grey New Balance sneakers; and 4) iPhone. Is it just me, or does this technological visionary dress like a toolbag? --Evan
A: We haven't specifically addressed Jobs' particular sense of "style," but your sense of the MB ethos is strong, Evan.
- mock turtleneck
- jeans. Poor Steve could learn about AG. That high-rise, tapered Levi's soccer-dad cut just isn't appropriate for a technological visionary. Or really anyone.
- white New Balance sneakers
- iPhone
Q: With gas prices where they are the idea of commuting on a scooter is looking more attractive. The problem is I don't want to look like a toolbag. Is there anyway to avoid this? By the way I am not a 20 year-old, 100 pound, Starbucks barista. --Ben
A: Making a scooter work definitely has a high DD (Degree of Difficulty) but can be very MB (Magnificent Bastardly), primarily due to scootering's importance in the British "mod" scene of the '60s and '70s. Sting is riding one with aplomb in the poster for the 1979 film Quadrophenia (top). So they meet the MB principle of Anglophilia straight away.
Also, Certified Magnificent Bastard William F. Buckley is riding one on the cover of his 1968 book "The Jeweler's Eye" (bottom). Take note of these examples -- check out Buckley's dress, hair, and facial expression -- and ride with confidence.
Q: So I just reviewed your article (and your time-lapse photos) on linen. While I agree that there is a potential for a train wreck, I also feel that if worn with care, the white linen suit can produce stunning results. I have my wedding ceremony in August in Puerto Rico. I bought a Hugo Boss 3-button white linen suit for the occasion. I plan on wearing it only for the ceremony, pictures and cocktail hour (changing for the dancing portion). I have two questions: 1) Is it true that white underwear will really stand out and do I have to find the elusive nude color brief? And 2) I'm wearing dark brown, leather sandals and belt, can you recommend an appropriate color and fabric for my shirt? --Gabe
A: Gabe, remember when you were a little boy and your mom told you not to touch the hot stove because you'd get burned? And then you touched the stove and got burned? Remember the pain you felt, and all the tears and bandages and shit, and how you wish you listened to your mom?
Does this ring a bell at all?
The beach and the August Puerto Rican dew point will help, but we're not just talking a hot stovetop here. We're talking open flame, like a Bunsen burner. If you still insist on playing with fire: 1) Yes, white will show through. Nude isn't necessary. Grey works. Anything closer to your skin tone. 2) Cotton with a touch of elastane. For color, go with a neutral, light blue at the outside.
Q: Hey guys. Enjoying your blog. Just wanted to ask if you're familiar with Gordon Rush's line of footwear. I recently ran into a pair of GR dress shoes, and I am thoroughly impressed with the smooth, clean looks, yet they have an understated boldness to them as well. I can't find the same particular shoe online, but thought you may want to check out the web site: www.gordonrush.com.
While I'm at it, how do you feel about these sandals. Not a fan of the logo-ing, but I'm getting the pedicure next week and attending an outdoor wedding, so I'm running out of time. Thanks. --Matt
A: We admire Gordon Rush as a fairly young designer who's been fairly successful, but he hasn't been mentioned since this site launched for a reason. There's just something too smooth and too clean about his aesthetic. Not to mention, his go-to toe shape is a little too square. (See MB Shoe Toe Pointiness Chart for reference.)
Regarding the sandals, it's fair to say logoed footwear is verboten at a wedding ceremony, but certainly the pedicure will help mitigate the style damage.
MB GG with first cell phone, the Motorola DynaTAC 8000xQ: I've been a reader for a while now, but haven't seen you tackle the portable communication conundrum. (Or maybe I just missed it.) With iPhone, Blackberry, Helio Ocean, et al. as communication options, each with more features than a Swiss Army Knife, which one(s) is MB approved? And don't worry, no belt clips here...middle management life is not for me. --Gregory
A: While we can't get into all the specific models available, our new Portable Communication Guide chart will hopefully make clear where we stand on this matter.
Q: Please tell me that the bastard on your front page banner isn't wearing linen pants. --John
A: No, the Magnificent Bastard on the front page banner is most definitely not wearing linen pants, because we've all witnessed the disaster they turn into. Just cotton with a dash of elastane.
Q: Again with the white pants. At the risk of sounding like Tim the homophobe, I'm concerned that you may not appreciate the gay factor of some of these endorsements. I have prepared this graph for your reference. --Thom
Q: I am saddened to think that I will see two great things become extinct in my lifetime: the internal combustion engine and neckties. Richard Whitbread, marketing manager of Tie Rack, said: "Since the doom and gloom (bad economy) set in, sales of ties have picked up. We have seen a 10 percent increase in sales over the last quarter. When people start to be more concerned about their jobs, they start to smarten up. Also a lot of people are looking for jobs at the moment." What he forgets to mention is that necktie sales are 15% of what they were 15 years ago. That's such a huge decline, it leads me to believe that hasty Father's Day gifts and funerals make up the bulk of necktie purchases. In your opinion. will neckties go the way of knickers? --Eric
A: We'd expect the increase in tie sales to continue. Also incoming for Fall 2008: flannel suits, long topcoats, hats of all shapes and sizes, and general black-and-whiteness.
Q: Even the minions of the MB can see that Hillary Clinton is in need of some fashion assistance. If the MB were to provide her with some advice and consent what would you suggest that she do to amend her fashion mistakes? --Chris
A: 15 years ago SPY magazine offered a good suggestion for Hillary's wardrobe: dominatrix. Unfortunately the United States Senate has clear rules against leather, whips, and chokers. So, here is our 3-point plan that might still get Hillary in the White House:
1. Ditch the Crazy-Ass Color Palette
Nobody looks good in head-to-toe royal blue. Or turquoise. Or especially the bumblebee yellow-and-black. Heck, that color combination even makes Bumblebee Man look sad. Go with neutrals. Try just black for once.
2. Implement Disproportionately-Wide Hip Mitigation Plan
For whatever reason, Hillary chooses to feature her worst feature -- those hips -- by repeatedly wearing pantsuits. Try a tie shirt-dress or, and this is really radical, a skirt. Yes, they expose the cankles but still preferable.
3. Abandon Dress Barn as Wardrobe Source
Or wherever she gets her current outfits. It's true: Prada does not make a size 18, but try Neiman Marcus or Saks and get into brands like Eileen Fisher, TSE, Gayla Bentley, or Shirin Guild.
From top:
* February 1993 SPY magazine cover
* Hillary at January 2008 campaign stop
* Bumblebee Man
* Gayla Bentley tie shirt-dress
Kenneth Cole New York Oxfords via bluefly. $96.00.Q: What is the MB take on square-toed vs. round-toed shoes? I thought square-toe was out but I still see them quite a bit. Thanks MB. --Steve
A: Mainly thanks to Kenneth Cole, square-toed shoes had their day late last century. In this millenium, go with a round shape, or a wing tip-style shape is also MB-approved. Consult the Official MB Shoe Toe Pointiness Chart below for guidance.
Alden Straight Tip Blucher (& Sputnik 1) via aldenshoes.com. $390.00.Q: How do you feel about Alden shoes? They fit the "no logos" AND have been made in America for over a hundred years. But can the price be justified? Especially for Cordovan. I ask because I just bought a few pair - so you BETTER SAY YES! --Jeff
A: In spite of Alden's strong pedigree -- or maybe because of it -- they're too "trad" (traditional) to get a strong MB endorsement. Other legendary brands like Pringle and Burberry have changed with the times, offering updates to the classics. Alden seems content plodding along (get it?) with their aging, evening news-watching market.
Anyhow, if you're going to Go Grandpa, make it work by matching with updated accessories, an unstructured blazer, or basically anything that makes it look like you were born this side of Sputnik 1. And definitely show some ankle. Whatever you do, do not combine with anything from Brooks Brothers.
New Balance 574 via Classic Sport Shoes. $59.95.Q: As far as workout attire, specifically shoes, should fashion give way to function? I've been looking for a good pair of running shoes, but I can't find ones that will offer great comfort and performance and don't look like a gaudy monstrosity of multiple stripes, colors, and logos. Do you take the hit and buy a pair of hideous shoes for the greater good of a great body, or is there never a good excuse for wearing what essentially amounts to Nike clown shoes? --Ron
A: Good question. Whenever we need to blend fashion and function in sport shoes, we head to classicsportshoes.com. There you will find, ahem, classics like the New Balance 574s. Yes, there is a big "N" on the side -- difficult to avoid branding on running shoes -- but surely no multiple stripes or colors or any other clown shoe-related styling.
Q: I have to go to Japan on business... What would a Magnificent Bastard spend my expense account on? --Eric
A: Given current exchange rates, you could splurge and get a bowl of miso soup.
If you're feeling really flush, head to the nearest Muji and pick up, well, anything. From their "about us" page, here's a philosophy with MB written all over it: "Our goal of offering products that excel in quality at lower prices has been achieved by avoiding the waste typical of much product-manufacturing and distribution - in the form of unnecessary functionality, an excess of decoration, and needless packaging."
A: Oh, don't be so coy. You got a pair of the original basketball shoe (yes, before Converse), available only in Japan and obscure trade shows, and you're asking us if they're OK or lame? Another reader who should be on staff, we reckon.
What is the Magnificent Bastard take on something I've always thought to be a staple in my closet, the Polo shirt (http://tinyurl.com/32uco2)? I personally have always loved them for casual wear, but want to make sure I'm not a toolbag by doing so. --Chris
A: Ralph Lauren makes some fine clothing, but why choose a logoed item that's so ... very ... common? So you can look like that middle manager with the penny loafers and Blackberry hanging from his belt? Wait a minute, that's the office calling.
Save yourself $25 and get into something like this slim-fit, unlogoed polo from Barney's Co-Op. No popped collar, and you can show off more of your hard-earned biceps.
Q: I just picked up a new Boss suit with flat front pants. Before taking it to the tailor I was curious what the MB's opinion was on cuffing. Should one cuff only pleated pants or both pleated and flat front, and if so how much of a cuff should be put in place? --Chris
A: There aren't many cuffs around the MB offices (or pleats), but we're not opposed to them (like pleats). A couple of suggestions if you decide to go that route:
Leg Opening: Cuffs work best on either something dramatically wide or dramatically narrow (pictured).
Cuff Depth: Cuff it like it's not an accident. 2" absolute minimum.
Q: In a March critique of an Iraqi insurgent's magnificent bastard-dom, you note: "Pinkie ring acceptable only if starring in Scorsese mob picture." With an astute sense of style, I think one could pull this off. I'm thinking Jude Law in The Talented Mr. Ripley (approx. 24 minutes in), with a jade/gold pinkie ring. In almost every situation, I would stay away from gold, but I found a similar ring in Egypt -- very simple and understated, with a small piece of turquoise in it -- if anything, more understated than the film. If done in good taste (not the least bit Rush Limbaugh-esque), would the MB endorse such a ring? Thanks. --Colin
A: We'll see your Talented Mr. Ripley and raise you an Idiocracy (where writer/director Mike Judge puts everyone in Crocs), featuring 5-time Ultimate Smackdown Champion and U.S. President Dwayne Elizando Mountain Dew Hector Camacho, in a gold pinkie ring.
A: We like anything that demonstrates to the fairer sex the proper:
* grip
* stance width
* waist bend
For golf.
This question reminds us of the old joke about how you teach your girlfriend or wife how to play golf: A bucket of balls, a 1-iron, and a downhill lie.
Q: I like belts, but the only way to show one off is to tuck your shirt in. That works with some shirts, but not all. What shirts do you think can be tucked without looking bad? What thoughts do you have specifically on tucking polo shirts? --Dustin
Regarding polos, sport shirt rules apply: use the shirt's length as a tuck-in guide. For example, the poor fella in the Tommy Bahama polo (top) needs to either tuck it or move down two sizes. Or better yet, change brands. On the other hand, the fitted D&G pique polo (bottom) demands to be untucked.
John Varvatos Essex Thong via Neiman Marcus. $135.00.Q: I follow your blog religiously and I love the amount of fashion knowledge I gain. However I have a couple of questions, I have a very classy white linen suit that I am planning on wearing in a couple of weeks. I would like to wear it with some tennis shoes to complete my "laid back" look rather than some hard shoes. First, is this appropriate? Secondly, if so, what shoes do you suggest to piece along with an all white linen suit? Do you suggest some all white tennis shoes or something with color in it? I was looking for some shoes along the lines of some Vans or something similar like the Lacoste L34 tennis shoes. Please advise. Thanks! --Noop
A: You sure you follow this site religiously? You've clearly missed our missive on linen. Noop, your proposed suit is a ticking time bomb. Within seconds you can go from artfully disheveled to looking like some homeless guy who got dressed outside the dumpster at Goodwill. Regardless, you will explode at some point.
At least minimize the bomb's collateral damage by not wearing Vans. Too '90s LA. Plain white tennis shoes can work, as demonstrated by Paul Smith (top). Your best bet though is a pair of sandals, like this option from John Varvatos, and a pedicure. June is pedicure awareness month, after all.
Q: I am happy to see that Penguin is at least somewhat MB endorsed. However, much of their offering breaks the rule of logoed clothing -- is there a time and a place for the Penguin logo, or should I stick with their non-branded items? --Mark
A: Toughest question we've received so far. Logoed Penguin duds were especially cool pre-2003, when you could only find them on ebay or at vintage clothing shops. Now that their rebirth is in its 6th year these items are much more common. Yet it's such an iconic brand, and they still make very good-looking (logoed) clothing it's a real MB dilemma.
ORIGINAL PENGUIN by Munsingwear became a staple among the masters of suburban leisure well into the 1980s –- worn by the likes of Arnold Palmer, Bob Hope, Bing Crosby and Richard Nixon.
Problem solved. Thanks originalpenguin.com!
Simply print out and then cut out the Magnificent Bastard Spinner below. Attach arrow to board with pin. Before you decide to wear your obviously logoed Penguin clothing, spin the arrow. If it lands on the hack comedian or Dick, wear something else. If it lands on the legendary golfer or legendary entertainer, wear the Penguin with confidence.
Q: Dear MB: Over the past several months, I've come to trust your sense of style and taste. I'm curious to know if the MB is up for the challenge of applying your gift of knowing what's right and wrong in the world of style to the opposite sex. I'm facing my 20-year high school reunion this summer, which will be held at an upscale downtown drinking establishment (no VFW for this group). I'm tall (5'9") and thin in a healthy way. I want an ensemble that conveys success and looks good with a Tanqueray and tonic in hand, and doesn't scream Stepford wife or "I'm a suburban mom of two" (which I am). Do you think you can help? --Cindy
Of course, dear.
Before we get to our outfit suggestions, a couple of important MB Class Reunion Principles to follow:
#1. Principle of Looking Like You Don't Give a Shit. Try looking like you don't take this event too seriously, like you and your husband were out for a casual dinner or gallery opening and then you thought, "Geez, isn't tonight my 20th class reunion?"
#2. Principle of Investing in Your Wardrobe. Don't waste a penny of precious clothing budget on something like a cocktail dress that you'll wear once. Class reunions are chock full of anticlimax. Splurge, but only on something that will likely be in style at the 30th.
And now on to the recommendations:
Pants: Denim, for sure. Not too tight, with a wide opening to allow the ballet flats (below) just enough room to peek out. For women we're partial to AG (pictured, $82.00 -- on sale) and Hudson, but denim is personal so go with whatever fits you best and makes you feel good.
Top: Something simple and updated, like this Vince sheer jersey tee. $48.00, via Barney's Co-Op. Cap sleeves will increase the already heightened drama of your long appendages.
Footwear: Ballet flats, of course. Consider making your shoes your statement piece (only one allowed per outfit), like these faux snakeskin lowcuts from London Sole ($155.00). Suitable for dancing.
Handbag: Pay tribute to one of the all-time greats (and simultaneously keep it casual) with this Yves Saint Laurent brown pebbled messenger bag. $632.00, via bluefly. There might even be room for a diaper and wipes in there.
Outerwear: What if it rains? Or if the event makes its way outside? Let Rag & Bone protect you from the elements, evening chill, and small talk with their Mac Trench. $585.00, via shopbop.
Accessories: Wow that wedding band of yours is serious business. Communicate your fun side -- you read this site after all -- with something whimsical (and affordable) like this blue lucite bracelet with cameo. $14.99, via Target.
Q: Will be taking the family to Disneyland this summer. What shoe do you recommend that is 1) stylish but that a 40-something can wear, 2) comfortable as hell for walking and standing all day, 3) can take a soaking (for riding Splash Mountain or California River Raft ride), 4) won't break the bank. Afraid to wear theFranks as the soaking may ruin the suede.
A: Frankenclydes hold up well to water, but we see what you mean. You want something that can withstand not just Splash Mountain, but also the Great California Slushie Spill. Apply some OxiClean, toss 'em in the wash, and they'll turn out as good as new.
We're not quite sure what you mean by "won't break the bank" so we'll offer two options:
Q: While shopping this weekend I noticed a lot of tacky women's cowboy hats with crunched up brims in hideous colors. I would never judge a person for their personal style but hasn't this gone on long enough? Madonna wore one in a video 15 years ago and even back then it looked awful. Aren't two season of Rock of Love enough to finally end this travesty? --Rita
A: What's wrong with judging a person for their personal style? It's a really great timesaver.
While we can't endorse tacky cowboy hats in hideous colors (or two seasons of Rock of Love for that matter), the "cowgirl" look is as American as apple pie and obesity. Love it or leave it, Rita!
Though it doesn't sound like you'll be attempting this look, the trick to making it work is to be sparing with the cowgirl elements, or it'll look like you're late for a date at either the County Fair or the O.K. Corral.
For instance: a cowboy hat with denim and boots = about right. Cowboy hat with denim, boots, and 6-shooter (like Jane Russell) = too much.
Clockwise from upper left: Betty Boop, Lynda Carter, Cher, Veronica Lake, Jane Russell, Jane Fonda.
Y'S MANDARINA BRIEFCASE via Flight 001. $279.99.Q: I've been trying to spruce up the boyfriend for a while now, and it's time for a new messenger bag for him. Do you have any suggestions for a good laptop bag? Thanks in advance. --Lauren
A: Lauren, first of all, congratulations to you. If you're wondering about laptop bags, a lot of quality "sprucing up" has presumably already been successful, like his personal furnishing, grooming, tie knot, and footwear choices.
An entire section of this web site should be devoted to laptop bags, but until then, the first place we always look for something special is Flight 001. Luckily for you (and your even luckier boyfriend) they currently have this Mandarina Duck briefcase, on sale, designed by Yohji Yamamoto. If you've ever been in contact with luggage from Mandarina Duck, you know there's nothing quite like its fit and finish.
Good luck and keep us posted on how the project is coming along.
Q: I know you guys love the Style Guy but he just made a huge error in the June edition of GQ. He said that you cannot take out the pleats in pleated trousers. They should buy their suits at MARK SHALE. They do it all the time for no charge and they turn out beautifully. --Larry
A: We do like Glenn O'Brien (the Style Guy), though as you point out he is dead wrong about about removing pleats. Not just Mark Shale can do it; so can any competent tailor. Maybe he was having a senior moment like his contemporary, John McCain.
Q: I know that you have long heralded the death of skinny ties, and I mostly agree. However, a skinny (not too skinny, though) tie can be worn well in some situations. I am very young (18), very tall (6'4") and thin. Sometimes I like to wear a black suit with slim lapels and a white shirt and top it off with a slim black tie. Given my circumstances, is this really that bad? Can one not pull off the skinny tie with the right body and suit? Thanks. --Bo
A: Waiter! Another round of Dewar's. Rocks.
Bo, leave the skinny (even not too skinny) ties to guys like Zac Efron, who use them to appear 5'3" instead of 5'1". Use your God-given stature to your advantage, and try a play on scale, with a short, wide tie ... and a different colored suit.
Q: I work out a lot and am quite muscular, and I have a 32 or 33 inch waist, but most pants are cut for guys with much slimmer legs than me. My bulging thighs look like sausages in pants that otherwise fit me fine. Any tips, besides wearing Zubaz? --Sam
A: To paraphrase German politician Otto von Bismarck, there are three things it's best not to see being made:
* Laws
* An MB's legs getting turned into sausages, and
* A guy getting into a pair of Zubaz
Sam, first thing you need to do -- something every MB needs to do -- is find a great tailor. For your existing pants, if they are dress pants, he can let out the thigh a bit so your rippling leg muscles have room to flex. A better option is to buy your pants a little larger -- to accomodate your bulges -- and have your tailor slim the waist.
Q: What's up with the new "ballet flats" that I've seen women wearing lately? I've watched them in disgust from afar as springtime rolled in and now the inevitable has happened. My wife bought a pair. What do I do? I've conveyed to her in no uncertain terms that women should always be in heels -- out on the town, in the kitchen, in the bedroom, etc. -- but she just does not get it. I'm going to have to steal her flats and hide them. Can you provide backup for me on this? --Jaison
A: Jaison, we understand your question is mainly for comedic effect, but you know what you really ought to do? Give your wife a hug and a kiss because ballet flats are an all-time classic. Think Audrey Hepburn, regular ballet flat wearer, also an all-time classic, and near the top of the Magnificent Bastard Favorite Babes list.
Though your wife may not wear heels in the bedroom, you done good, son.
Q: Browsed through your site. You sure know a lot about the TV shows my chick watches. Which guys are you trying to pick up when you go out with your little outfits on? Now go back to watching Bravo with an HIV-infested pole up your backside. --Tim
A: Tim: fact is, chicks dig us (though probably not yours, and we're pretty certain that's OK). Not just because we mow the lawn, kill spiders, and can grill a steak. Those are the baseline expectations even you may meet. Women also like a guy who knows the difference between Dries Van Noten and Diane von Furstenberg, appreciates high thread-count sheets, and who can offer her an informed opinion on whether to wear ballet flats or sandals with that outfit.
That last sentence probably didn't make any sense, so nevermind. Thanks for reading anyhow.
Q: Ok, so I finally ditched the black metal-band t-shirts. Now what? I want to keep that "rock" look, without looking like a 15 year-old mosh-pitter. --Wrathbone
A: Wrathbone, you live for the fight when it's all that you've got.
John Bon Jovi was on 60 Minutes last week and provided aging rockers with a roadmap for sartorial success:
Top: Young Bon Jovi with grotesque, highlighted big hair and even more grotesque turquoise shirt (or, in your case, the equivalent of black metal-band t-shirt).
Bottom: Older, wiser Bon Jovi, with black leather boots, denim, fitted white t-shirt with very short sleeves, accessorization with rock 'n' roller sunglasses, necklace.
Q: Let's keep the wedding theme rolling here. I'm set for the wedding with a nice RL tux. The honeymoon is in the south of France. I've never been and I have a preconceived notion of how a MB will look on the French Riviera. Sean Connery circa 1962 with a hint of Gianni Agnelli? I don't want to get caught looking like an idiot in Nice or Monaco. I have the means so guide me toward some summer wear that will show that Americans can have style, even when in the heart of the beast. Merci beaucoup vous beau bastard. --Max
A: Here's what you need:
* Fanny pack
* Birkenstocks
* Legible t-shirt, preferably for a collegiate or professional athletic squad
* Baseball cap
* Diabetes
Max, you're referencing early Bond and Gianni Agnelli (inset) and you're asking us for style advice? You ought to be on staff. Anyhow, when in Rome, or, say Monaco, do what the Romans do. A.P.C. is a solid, stylish, somewhat affordable choice (even though its head designer needs to take himself a lot less seriously) and pays respect to your new environs. Choose the jacket and jeans, then channel Agnelli and match with something unexpected and purely American, like a pair of Sperry Top-Siders. They will come in handy for any excursions on the Mediterranean. If yachting isn't planned, perhaps go even more American -- if you get our drift -- and get into a pair of moose moccasins.
Scott Schuman, The SartorialistQ: I see the MB as the smart ass, more web-savvy younger brother to The Sartorialist. How do you see The Sartorialist? --Keska
A: You forgot drunker. And with the better name.
We've got nothing but love and admiration for Scott Schuman (The Sartorialist), though we do bring a different point of view to what it means to be a man. That being said, anyone who wears a pocket square like that is definitely someone to be reckoned with.
A: Yes, Steve McQueen certainly was a Magnificent Bastard, but we can assure you that at no time in Bullitt did he wear a mock turtleneck. Take a closer look and you'll see it's perhaps Film's Most Famous Real Turtleneck; a blue ribbed turtleneck sweater, shown underneath a tweed blazer (top).
Overshadowed by the famous turtleneck was McQueen's demonstration of how to nail a chunky shawl collar cardigan with woven shirt (bottom).
Q: What is the rule for a lapel pin on a blazer (not a flag)? Side? Height? Anything else? --Aaron
A: Aaron, do you know a single Magnificent Bastard who wears a lapel pin? OK, French President Nicolas Sarkozy on overseas visits qualifies with his Legion of Honor pin. Also, Napoleon rocked them out, but that's about it. So, unless you're a current or former French leader, forget it.
Q: What is a good belt to wear with jeans now that we are heading into the summer season? Cotton with D-Rings? Or keep it classic with leather? I am not a big fan enormous belt buckles, but if you were to ever put into the one displayed in the first banner I may reconsider. --Adonis
A: Cotton D-rings are a good choice (and not just in summer) and so is leather. Those are a "pick 'em" depending on what's on top and how you're wanting to pull an outfit together. The one golden rule with belts and jeans is to choose matte instead of gloss. For example, we can't imagine an MB wearing this black Prada belt with denim, but we'd admire a fella if he was wearing something more along the lines of this John Varvatos model.
Classic Tuxedo via Ralph Lauren. $1350.00.Q: My fiancé and I are getting married Labor Day weekend, and want to ensure that our wedding meets MB standards. It is black tie and called for 5:00 Sunday evening. Only problem: what's the most bastardly tuxedo my fiancé should wear? How can he distinguish himself from the black-tie wearing guests with a formal and elegant tuxedo? --Dina
A: Hon, the most Magnificent Bastardly thing to do is elope. We understand that might not be possible with mother issues and perhaps a few issues of your own, but that's the truth.
Anyhow, about the tuxedo for your wedding that's going to happen on Labor Day Sunday at 5:00 ... this is where the MB's affection for "classic-with-a-twist" takes a backseat to just plain classic. In 100 years, when you're dead and your great-grandkids nail pictures of your wedding on the wall, you're going to want them to stand the test of time. So, instead of something classic with a twist from Dolce & Gabbana or Paul Smith, we'd suggest Ralph Lauren's Classic Tuxedo. Clean, simple, double vent, flap pockets, flat fronts ... you -- or more specifically your fiancé -- can wear this one for life.
In case you're wondering about what kind of ring to wear, we've also recently covered that, too.
A: There is only one of those. We had it hand made by a young NYC artisan handy with pewter. This item has generated quite a bit of interest since that first site banner went live and might be worth putting into production. Stay tuned.
Top: Ramone Converse Bottom: FrankenclydesQ: I need sneakers. Can a 40 year-old wear Frankenclydes? Seems a little skate-rattish and Sketcher-like. I'm gravitating in my mind toward a simple pair of canvas sneakers. But nothing seems to exist to fit the bill. Chuck Taylors are just plain boring. Original Penguin has a pair, but they look old-mannish. --Bry
A: Stick to Penguin for clothes and avoid their footwear; and definitely avoid the Chuck Ts as you hit 40, unless you're either John McEnroe or entered into a Dee Dee Ramone look-alike contest.
Franks fully pass muster for 40-somethings in our opinion. First, their roots are from the hardcourt; you rarely if ever see Frankenclydes at the skate park. Second, Puma has done something smart by introducing luxury Frankenclydes like this pony-hair version (which we've mentioned before a few times). They're fairly expensive, quite difficult to find, and will hold up well to 20-something scrutiny.
Say, for instance, you run into a Frankenclyde-wearing lad and you're in a pair of these. No words need to be spoken but here's what you're communicating: "Yes, you are wearing cool shoes. However, we both know that mine
are cooler. I am your style and disposable income superior. Have a nice day."
Q: Now that spring is here and summer is almost upon us, can you recommend some choices for summer sport jackets? I keep seeing linen options and I'm not sure if its ok instead of wool. And should I try to pull off a white one? --D. Brown
A: Great question. Let's take this one step at a time:
Options for summer sport jackets: Madras is a fun and popular option, but it's got a high "memorable" factor. You could space your wearings out 2 weeks and still your co-workers are going to be, like, "Holy shit, didn't D. Brown just wear that madras blazer yesterday?!" We don't endorse much about the outfit on top -- besides the cheekbones -- however the blazer is fairly deconstructed and casual, has two buttons, goes with other pants besides jeans, and is affordable ($189). We own it. Available at your local Benetton or just give one of the stores a call and have it shipped.
Linen: Regular readers know our stance on linen. Blended with high percentage of cotton it's ok. A linen percentage >50% and it can look like you slept in the fucking thing within minutes of putting it on. Proceed with extreme caution.
Giving a white blazer a try: This falls into the category of "If you have to ask, skip it." Definitely can be successfully executed, though one wrong move -- gold watch perhaps? -- and we're queuing up the Jan Hammer soundtrack to "Miami Vice."
Charles Barkley: The Round Mound of Ill-Conceived OutfitsQ: Simple question: how many buttons should their be on the front of your suit? --Ray
A: We've weighed in on this before when analyzing Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's three-button David Byrne look-alike "Psycho Killer" suit.
We officially endorse two buttons. We're not adamantly against the three-button, like we are against skulls or tapered soccer-dad jeans or wearing an electronic device on your belt like some cable-access version of Batman. It's just that we know for certain that four-buttons are out because Charles Barkley wears them. And 3 is closer to 4 than 2, so that's bad.
Q: Where does the MB fall on pocket squares? It has been my new accessory this year. Thumbs up or thumbs down? --John
A: Thumbs up, depending on the material they're made of and how you fold them. Once we apply a Magnificent Bastard
principle here and a universal rule there, a pocket square-wearing framework quickly emerges:
Matte vs. Gloss MBs almost always choose matte over gloss, which means choosing pocket squares made from cotton or linen vs. silk or (the horror!) synthetic. Yes, it's possible to nail silk but this is best left to Yves Saint Laurent (upper left). Otherwise you might end up looking like some sleazy televangelist like, say, Benny Hinn (upper right).
Occam's Razor Though he lived 700 years ago, Franciscan friar William of Occam weighed in on pocket square folds, eschewing any with unnecessary steps, like the four-point fold. Instead, choose the one-point as demonstrated by Cary Grant (bottom left), or our favorite, the flat fold just peeking out of your breast pocket, as demonstrated by 007.
Dolce & Gabbana Slim-Fit Dress Shirt via Bluefly. $220.00.Q: Today I decided to wear a button up dress shirt with my jeans. I'm tall, and typically need to buy shirts that properly fit my height and arm length, but I often end up with a shirt that is much larger in the torso than I. Aside from looking at getting my shirts tailored, are there any recommended means for tucking in my shirt so that it doesn't look like I'm sporting a cotton muffin-top around the waistline? --Jim
A: Three things:
1. You know how many aspiring MBs would give their left nut -- and maybe even their right one -- to have your problem? At least you've currently got a cotton muffin-top and not a blubber muffin-top. Blubber muffin-tops far less MB. Trust us.
2. You ought to look into the tailoring option to turn your regular-fit shirts into slim-fit shirts. Find a good tailor -- preferably a tiny Asian man who doesn't speak English -- and you also might be surprised at how affordable it is.
3. Explore the world of slim-fit shirts. We've mentioned them before, and it's a little weird talking about $220 dress shirts when there are food riots in Port-au-Prince, but these Dolce & Gabbana slim-fit dress shirts are some of the best we've ever seen and worth every penny. Get one and you won't want to wear anything else.
Q: Where does the MB stand on (male) facial hair? I see your page is now adorned with a fella gettin' a shave so I guess I already know the answer. This wanna-be MB has had a goatee for a long time but has been recently thinking about finding a razor. Thoughts? --Dan
A: Listen, partner. You reckon you ever seen a fella who's an MB with a goatee? Thought so. Yeeehaw!
Either be fixin' to find a razor or grow it out, like Iron Man Robert Downey Jr., on the cover of this month's GQ, who's also the winner of the George Clooney look-alike contest.
Q: Where do you suggest I wear my flag pin? I thought the flag belonged on a pole. Am I wrong? Will the MB be wearing a flag pin? Is it different positions for men and woman? --Larry
A: Our flag pins are sitting in a display case somewhere. 40% off!
MBs love their country as much as the next guy, and certainly don't need a lapel pin to remind themselves, and others.
Someone pass the memo to CBS Sports/CBS News President Sean McManus, who forces every one of his network's sports broadcasters to flag-up, except if you're Englishman Nick Faldo.
I see on your site that you feel very strongly against wearing undershirts. In this particular day and age of the waxed chest this may work, but how do you feel about no undershirt with chest hair showing? For those of us that are of the hirsute persuasion, how do we wear a shirt unbuttoned without looking like some sort of mafia
toolbag? --Todd
A: Chest hair showing? Uh, no.
Recall the wonderful "get laid" advice given to the extraordinarily hirsute 40 Year-Old Virgin by his buddy Jay:
"You see that whole Teen Wolf thing you got going right there? (points to chest)
"You need to wax that right out."
Let's review your options:
TRIM: Keep your inner (outer?) Chewbacca in check with a regular trim, to your own length of comfort. Get something professional quality like this Panasonic model. Verdict: Good option if you want to retain some growth yet not look like a mafia toolbag.
SHAVE: Depending on whether you have a mohair or merino wool sweater under there, this can work on a long-term basis and is easy to do in the shower. Verdict: OK unless you've got the mohair model, which will clog the shit out of any razor. Also, stubble returns fast, like on your face, and can poke through your shirt.
WAX: Waxing will make your chest as smooth as a your ass -- OK, a baby's ass -- though it's painful and only lasts a few weeks. Verdict: Waxing scene from 40 Year-Old Virgin kinda sealed the deal on this choice.
LASER: Somewhat costly and somewhat painful but takes that right out for good. Verdict: The Official Chest Hair Management option of MB.com. Visit once or twice just to thin it out; visit 3 or 4 times and you're all set to model for Dolce & Gabbana or star in the sequel to 300.
Q: I am thinking about getting a new suit from this custom shoppe in NYC. Please let me know if you approve of it: www.freemanssportingclub.com --Graham
A: Graham, if you can afford a bespoke suit from Freemans Sporting Club, you have definitely arrived. Of course we approve of it. Where else can you find this mental "shacket" (pictured), and a badger-hair shaving brush in an extra-sturdy chrome handle ($230)?
Plus, any joint with this history is automatically inducted into the Magnificent Bastard Hall of Fame:
Freemans Sporting Club was borne out of a gathering of close friends playing pool, carousing, and drinking whisky above Freemans Restaurant in New York City. The regular meetings led the group to organize trips to camp, shoot, fish, and enjoy time in nature outside the concrete canyons of New York. When Taavo Somer, the defacto leader of the troupe, created his menswear line in 2004 it was only natural that the garments be named, F.S.C., after the club, ideals, and activities that inspired them.
Ray-Ban 3362 Sunglasses via coolframes.com. $121.00.Q: I'm looking into buying some Ray-Ban aviators (Model 3362). They have silver rims and a grey gradient lens. I've tried them on already and have made sure they are definitely NOT reminiscent of the Karate Kid. When I told my brother, he suggested saving the money and buying some $20 knock-offs that look similar. What's the MB way of handling this situation? --Sean
A: The MB way of handling this situation is to ignore your younger, dumber brother (we can safely assume he is younger; dumber is a given).
This is really bad advice. $20 frames are probably not polarized, and even worse, might not even provide UV protection, essentially doing more harm than good.
If we may make a suggestion on the Ray-Bans: even though it's an iconic brand and the logo is small, they violate the principle of invisible/discreet logos. It's basically on your face, so unless you are getting paid for leasing that high-value real estate, we suggest looking at all the other aviator options in the world, from vintage to Tom Ford to Diesel.
Egads!Q: I am getting married in the summer and I want to know what kind of wedding band an MB wears. I want something simple but a little different. I'm not a fan of gold, I was thinking tungsten or platinum. --Spencer
A: Spencer, your instincts are strong. Your question got us to make a wedding band/ring chart, from zero to maximum magnificent bastard-dom. As you can see, no ring is at the top. It's simple, a little different, and communicates clearly that you are, and always will be, your own man. And there's nothing more Magnificent Bastardly than that.
Now before our inbox gets filled with mail saying, "What the fuck are you doing endorsing a $600 pair of boots? I don't have that kind of bread, man!," understand the following MB principle that's at work: Black leather boots are an MB wardrobe staple, and no price is too high for an MB wardrobe staple you love.
Avoid Looking Like This GuyQ: OK, I have to attend an insurance industry convention in Hawaii. The "code" is resort casual. I can already tell, to fit in with this crowd I'll need a few expensive Tommy Bahama camp shirts. But it's not my style. It actually screams "Hey, I'm so stupid that I would pay $120 bucks for 1 shirt." What would you do? Go against the trend, or try to fit in? --Bill
A: A few thoughts:
1. We're glad it's not your style, though you cannot be afraid to spend $120 on a shirt you like. 2. We've previously stated our view on Tommy Bahama camp shirts. Yes, they are permissible on the 19-island/atoll archipelago known as the "Hawaiian Islands." 3. Hmmmm ... "go against the trend or try to fit in?" If you're an aspiring MB, what would you guess is our recommended approach? 4. We've previously offered suggestions on how to do Hawaii right.
Lacoste Elegance Deodorant Stick via Macy's. $22.00.Q: What are the hot new fragrances for spring summer 2008? I really like Lacoste Elegance. --Ben
A: Ben, no such thing as a "hot new fragrance" in our book. We've recently made our case against cologne. We don't want you looking (or smelling) like the poor loser fromThe Real Housewives of New York. If you insist on a fragrance other than what comes naturally through standard toiletry and hair product usage, do it subtley in either a deordorant stick or after shave balm.
Q: Dearest MB: What's your stance on guys wearing their sunglasses backwards on their head whilst indoors? Actually, what's the best position for sunglasses while indoors? Top of the head? Around the neck? Clipped to the shirt? In the shirt pocket? Clipped to the belt/waistband? Backwards (heaven forbid)? Thanks, MB. You're the best. --Aaron
A: Well, kudos to you for knowing to remove sunglasses while indoors. As Larry David famously said on an early episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm: "You know who wears sunglasses inside? Blind people and assholes." (Top: Designer Michael Kors, who is not blind as far as we know.)
Let's review the options in order of badness, worst to least-worst:
Backwards: Never. Goal of every MB should to not look like Zach Johnson (winner of last year's Masters).
Around neck: This would require a strap of some kind. Croakies? Not cool, even as an ironic gesture.
Clipped to pants: Nothing should ever be clipped to your pants.
Clipped to shirt: We're just not that big on clipping.
Top of head: We've previously set the rules for this. Based on your location, you might qualify.
In shirt pocket: Good, yet most designer dress shirts don't have a pocket available.
Q: I know you guys are here to advise us on how to look the part. That said, my roommate took your advice to heart about the Axe (female remover), thanks a ton, but he was out with us on a nice dinner out with some of the local secretaries, and when the steaks came, he drowned the beef in A.1. I've been a fan of A.1. at many a backyard BBQ, but how un-magnificent is it to dowse a $50 steak in public with that stuff? --Eric
A: Son, at this point you need to consider your roommate solely as a piece of meat: he's only good for paying the rent. Quick find some new people to hang out with before your social standing is completely eroded.
(Stay tuned for forthcoming Magnificent Bastard Dining Guide.)
Spiewak Chester Jacket via Tobi. $102.00.Q: MB, stumbled across your site and laughed embarrassingly loudly -- now I'm looking in vain for a nice, light denim jacket for spring (Diesel, perhaps, despite the brand's many missteps?) ... any help? Also, once I've got this jacket, how's about pairing it with tan or brownish Steven Alan cords? --Andrew
A: Andrew: First, nice call on the spring cords; that can be an effective, surprising look. Second, when we hear the word "jacket" the first thing we think of is "Spiewak." As we've mentioned before, their stuff is stylish, well-made, and affordable. This Chester Jacket even has wooden buttons, satisfying (and even exceeding) the MB principle of organic materials.
(Note: Military-inspiration is peaking on the trend curve, so you may not want to feel like wearing it next spring.)
AG '25 Year' Jeans via AG. $325.00.Q: I am an aspiring MB. I do my best to adhere to your teachings. I ran into some trouble the other day while shopping for a new pair of jeans. I was at Nordstrom, going from section to section looking for a good pair, I inquired with the clerk what jeans would work best for my build (tall slim). The problem came when I realized I didn't like any of the jeans. Every pair was distressed and creased, they looked like they had all been pulled form fire at the Levi's factory. Now mind you I don't mind a little fad to the color, or even a tasteful fringe. But I feel like designers are just going overboard with this distressed thing. I feel like it's gone the way of the skull. (I figure if you see Hulk Hogan in it, it is non-MB) Anyway I left the store without buying anything. I settled on nice pair of slightly faded black Von Dutch. What is the MB stance on distressed? Is it done? --Cooper
A: Well, it's not done according to AG, who's selling a "25 Year" jean for $325. We've never been a fan of distressed because it's unauthentic, like fake boobs. Wear your favorite pair of AGs for a few years and they'll be distressed, and real.
Q: I often wear jeans and find myself puzzled. What do I, a MB in training, wear on thy feet? Are Nike Dunks acceptable? --Joshua
A: Sure, Nike Dunks are acceptable (top), as long as they're all white. If you truly want to be MB, however, go for the white New Balance 652s, with ABZORB shock absorption technology in the heel and toe. And don't forget to match with white sport socks!
The Calvin Klein T-Shirt: Best EverQ: While you're on the subject of undershirts, please settle a dispute my wife and I are having. We were going into a restaurant and noticed a college-age kid coming out of the nearby liquor store wearing madras shorts, flip flops and a plain white t-shirt. (Nothing written on it -- just a regular old Hanes tee.) My wife said the MB would NOT be happy. Since I have worn a plain white tee to the grocery store on occasion, I disagreed. What would make you happy for a quick run to the grocery store or liquor store? --John
A: John, you won't be surprised to learn that you are right and your wife is wrong. A plain white t-shirt is a staple of any MB's wardrobe, and not just for liquor store runs. We're not a big fan of Hanes, mainly because we are huge, HUGE fans of Calvin Klein t-shirts (both crew neck and v-neck). Fine cotton, short sleeves to show off the result of punishing workout routines, and just the right amount of material around the waist to conceal addiction to beer and/or beef jerky. Highly recommended.
Q: What are your feelings on undershirts when your shirt is not all the way buttoned up? Crew neck, v-neck, or none at all....My father who always dresses well tells me if it is going to be any at all it should be a v-neck, but if at all possible none at all... What do you think? —Brandon
A: Your papa taught you how to wipe your ass, shave your face, and tie your tie. Let's not start doubting him now.
Few things are more vulgar than a white crew neck tee under an unbuttoned woven shirt; you'll look fully unstylish and clueless. A v-neck isn't much better -- the lines look like ass and are the men's equivalent of panty lines -- but may be permissible in extremely cold conditions, either outside or in the office.
In conclusion, do what your dad says and leave the undershirt for the weekend.
(Note: Nothing we just said applies if you are Carson Kressley.)
Q: Sick of ironing shirts. What is a good alternative to shirts for business casual? —Jeff
A: Jeff, first of all, it's impossible to be a Magnificent Bastard and iron your own shirts. This is what illegal immigrants are for. Let's apply some simple economics to your question: For $2.00, to have your collar scrubbed and the shirt cleaned, pressed, and delivered (the only way to go, by the way) ... that doesn't pay for an MB's time that it takes to figure out how to get the fucking ironing board to stand up straight.
Regarding alternatives to shirts for business casual, even though it's business casual, you still need to wear a shirt. Depending on your office's tolerance for rumpledness, this Steven Alan model works great when taken right out of the dryer.
Q: I'm looking for a new watch, and I thought I'd get the official MB opinion on leather vs. metal bands since I do respect your opinion here. Personally, I feel like the leather band is a nice throwback to the classics. Am I alone on this one? —Joe
Don't worry Joe, you're not alone. Leather is a nice throwback to the classics and we won't fault you for choosing it. However, may we recommend you consider eschewing both leather and metal in favor of nylon grosgrain? It satisfies the MB principle of understatement, and has greater versatility than either leather or metal. Grosgrain's naturally casual so it's easy to dress it down, but you can also dress it up -- way up -- as demonstrated by James Bond in Goldfinger.
Q: My roommate wears Axe by the pound. He just won't stop! He says what else is cheap and smells good. I say Chanel Platinum, he says still too expensive. What product can you recommend for the ever so rank Axe crowd? (P.S. I read your page more than I read email.) —Eric
Eric, it's not really a product, but here's our recommendation (for you): sublease. We understand Craigslist works great.
We're not fans of cologne per se, and certainly not the low-rent Axe line. There is fragrance in so many other things these days that we think it's overkill to apply a separate product (as anyone within 20 paces of your roommate would certainly agree). If you like the hints of sage, rosemary, geranium, and lavender in Chanel Platinum, then we recommend trying the more understated approach of the aftershave balm instead.
As far as your roommate and the rest of the "ever so rank Axe crowd," when you start spraying Axe it's like getting behind the wheel of a minivan: you're too far gone for help.
Q: NO VENT, DOUBLE VENT, SINGLE VENT? It seems double vents are still really popular. I
am tall and like no vent with three button, flat front or two button, flat front with single vent. I like a clean, smooth line like Armani or Boss. Some friends say I am out of it. They feel the only thing that is current is double vent. I disagree and will wear what I think I look best in and I still believe I am current. What do you think? —Larry
A: Single vents are safe and never out of style; let's start there. We're definitely not a fan of the no-vent, though it's hard to argue with Cary Grant in North By Northwest (top) as he's about as stylish as a man can get. So if you think you're hitting it like Cary then carry on, Larry. The problem with no-vent is it's really easy to start
looking like Guido the Killer Pimp from Risky Business (bottom).
Your friends are correct about double vents, and not just because they think they're current. We like them for two big reasons:
1. Double vents are an Anglophilic gesture -- they were invented there -- and moderate-to-heavy Anglophilia is very MB.
2. Double vents create a "flap" which, when activated, creates the illusion of a man of action, intrigue, and dramatic flair, even if you just sit on your ass in a cube most of the day.
Q: What's the rule for wearing black shoes and brown/tan pants together? The easy rule is that you never do it. But I've seen the combo out and about before. Is this kosher? Under what circumstances? —James
A: James, great question. It's a tough one because there is no hard-and-fast rule. It requires "feel" and feel can be hard to cultivate. What style are the pants? Is there a pattern? What are they made of? These things play a role. We're going to do our best to give an answer by providing you with the following chart as a rough guide:
Q: Pleated pants. We know they should be banned, but what if you like to wear suspenders; do you wear them with plain fronts? Is doesn't seem right. —Holly
A: Holly, we presume this is for your husband or boyfriend. Either that or you're Annie Hall. Anyhow, suspenders with "plain fronts" is totally fine, and actually preferred to pleats. Just have a look at the pleats-suspenders combo on Lumbergh (with belt!) and Mork. Pleats just plain suck.
J.Fold Supersonic II Wallet via Tobi. $53.00.Q: My wallet of over 8 years was recently lost so I'm looking for an MB-approved wallet or alternative to carrying money and necessary cards. Something slim, to be sure. —Pedro
A: We can hardly overstate how much we like J.Fold wallets, but let's try: There's a model for every MB, whether you're just starting out, or are in the corner office. They're high quality, affordable, and get loads of comments when exposed in public. End of story. Find the style that fits you at Tobi, ebags.com, or amazon.
Q: What is your feeling about vests? I have a green herringbone piece I picked up at a thrift store. It seemed to go over real well with the ladies at happy hour last Friday. It was accompanied by a shirt and tie of course. —Concerned Citizen
A: This is part of the well-known Justin Timberlake Effect. Based on the chicks' reactions, it sounds like you executed this look successfully, which ain't easy given the fairly high degree of difficulty (not to mention the green herringbone). Savvy MBs should proceed with caution; others are probably better off leaving it to the King of Pop. Even without 15 pieces of flair it's easy to veer towards Stan, the manager at Chotchkie's.
Q: I am looking to invest in some quality sunglasses. I saw your write-ups about the sunglasses Jamie Foxx wore in his movie and I think those look great. However, I also like aviator style sunglasses. What do you think of the Ray Bans or any other brand's aviator sunglasses? —Lee
A: You cannot really go wrong with aviator sunglasses, no matter what the brand. They fit into that extremely rare category of "Forever Cool", from Ponch and Jon from CHIPS (top), to Tony D'Annunzio from Caddyshack (middle), to Maverick (bottom). Buy with confidence.
Q: Just a quick question regarding ties. I have read a couple of times that "skinny" is out, but what I want to know is what knot is the best. I was taught the 4-in-hand and have used that through out my business career but the popular one is the Windsor. Once tied can you really tell the difference? —Paul
A: Obi-Wan has taught you well, but you are not a Jedi MB yet.
In honor of Presidents' Day, surely you can tell the difference between the knot on the un-stylish Ronald Reagan (Windsor) and the stylish George Bush 41 (four-in-hand).
We strongly prefer the four-in-hand to the Windsor, for at least four reasons:
1. Windsor symmetrical. Violates the MB principle of artful dishevelment. 2. Windsor requires extra steps. Violates the universal rule of Occam's Razor. 3. Windsor best on spread collar shirts. And you know how we feel about spread collar shirts. 4. Windsor (combined with spread collar) shortens, flattens an MB's neck. MBs prefer their necks lengthened and thinned.
Q: Who can really pull off the bow tie these days? Can I? —KS
A: Funny you should ask, because in their February 2008 issue GQ declares bow ties back, and recommends their readers buy them from -- where else? -- Band of Outsiders. (GQ publisher Condé Nast must have a financial stake in Band of
Outsiders for how often they pimp their stuff.)
Anyhow, we think this is bad advice. With a bow tie, you've got a much higher probability looking like a prick, dweeb, nerd, or clown (you pick which is which) than you do looking like 007.
We suggest reserving bow ties for two occasions:
1. Summer weddings (preferably in madras). 2. Black tie.
And one other thing: Never tie it symmetrically, even for black tie. It must be askew in order to satisfy the MB principle of artful dishevelment.
Q: It's time for me to look into a new hairstyle, and recently a flat top was suggested. Just wondering what the overall opinion of a flat top is. Is it too meat-head-ish? I'm wondering if the pros think it clashes with good clothes. I tend to pull off short hair very well, so I was seriously considering trying it out. However, I figured I needed to ask the experts before assuming anything. —Mike
A: Let us state this in the most unequivocal way possible: this is a really, really fucking bad idea. When Hall of Fame defensive lineman and TV star Howie Long can't pull it off, it's likely a sign no one can. Getting this haircut actually lowers your IQ, hence damaging your social standing, your career standing, and any standing with chicks (or at least any chicks of interest). Avoid at all costs, unless you've been drafted, and we ain't talkin' 'bout the NFL.
Q: I will be in Hawaii for a week for the first time in some time. My wardrobe has few to nil summer or warm weather components. To ensure a great vacation free of ransom-worthy toolbag photos, can you provide some recommendations for me so I can snatch up some MB-worthy clothes for the island sun? —Max
You mean you don't want to look like this guy? Good move, indeed. Even though MB.com lukewarmly sanctions Tommy Bahama while in Hawaii, avoid it. Instead, keep it casual and understated with these loose John Varvatos Soho pants (middle), and this perfectly rumpled J. Crew broken-in pocket jersey polo (left). Then, throw in a dash of zip -- and a subtle yet meaningful nod to surf culture -- with these plaid Volcom flip flops.
Q: At 34, the lyric "I'm losing my edge to the art-school Brooklynites in little jackets and borrowed nostalgia for the unremembered eighties" provides background music while I check my cultural awareness. The kids are coming up from behind. That being said, where's the Hedi love? Or a gush or two for Demeulemeester? Your premature rejection of skinny has me worried. Are you losing your edge? —Todd
A: Whoa. Forget the kids, our MBB (Magnificent Bastard Brother). With all respect due James Murphey, are you seriously ready to shit yourself with fear about losing your edge to a bunch of emos aspiring to be a poor-man's version of Flight of the Conchords? No sir!
Q: Wristwatch magnificence or malfeasance? Let's say that I wanted to protect my original Panerai watch from pick-pockets and drifters stealing it, would it be at all acceptable to drop $208 at exactreplica.com for my Panerai reproduction. Is that the definition of poser-wear? The reproduction looks pretty good. —Kevin
A: First of all, we can virtually guarantee that the movement in the repro is going to be a piece of shit that will leave you disappointed, and you'll end up wearing the real McCoy anyhow. In that case, consider ponying up an extra $136.95 and buying the Advanced Taser M-18 to zap any pick-pocket, drifter, or other unlucky motherfucker wanting to mess with your magnificent watch.
Q: While surfing the web, I came across this web site: jpeterman.com Some of the clothes were quite interesting. But then I thought, would the MB approve? Or is the site too 1990s?
On another topic: My wife says you're gay (NTTAWWT) because you watch Project Runway. I say you're not (NTTAWWT) since you obviously watch sports and you have a feature titled, "How to Determine if your chick is dirty girl." NTTAWWT, if so, but we have a bet riding on it. —John
Part I: We deeply admired J. Peterman back in the day, especially the brilliantly written catalog copy, which was taught in some colleges' English classes. However, it's geared mainly to the Boomer set, so we try to avoid.
Part II: The question is about as fresh and modern as the Seinfeld reference. Does that settle your bet?
Q: love the site. I check it daily. Just wondering where are you guys out of? I read about the NFC championship game and just don't see a large amount of MBs in the green bay area. —mark
A: Mark, bite your tongue! MBs can turn up in the strangest places. Our offices are out of Pulaski, Wisconsin. It's a small farming community (population 3,200) about 35 miles northwest of Green Bay. When we're not signing for UPS deliveries from Barney's, we're tending to about 25 dairy cows (pictured), some chickens (pictured), and our top farm-hand Katherine (pictured).
Q:
Stumped over what sunglasses to wear while running. Most "fashion" shades are not practical for exercise, and most "performance" shades are too Nascar. Little help? —PM
A: Have you tried squinting?
As any MB knows, drinking and running typically don't mix, but if you must publicly display your means of staying in shape, we suggest erring on the side of function over fashion, even if it means swerving into Dale Earnhart Jr.toolbag territory. Your sunwear needs to be lightweight, durable, not bounce on the face, and not fog up, which means you should be looking for metal frames combined with lightweight polycarb lenses (not that cheap plastic shit). It ain't easy (as you suggest in your question), but these options will both a.) cut down the glare and b.) cut down on you looking like an asshole.
Q: Am I a dork because I really want to start wearing an ascot? I'd like to think it would make this bastard even more magnificent. —MJ
A: MJ, this is like being at the 2008 Summer Olympics, jumping off the springboard and trying a reverse 2½ somersault pike. With such a high DD (degree of difficulty), yes you might nail it (like Fred from Scooby Doo), but you're more likely to hit your head and require stitches (like Danny Noonan in Caddyshack).
Ascots are one of those things where the following MB rule is applied: If you have to ask, forget about it.
Q: I just got invited to The People's Choice Awards by my sister. This was unexpected but she already bought my ticket out there (i'm from Chicago) and have me set up in a hotel - not bad. So my question to you is what do I wear to a function like this? I am hoping it is not
a tux. I would just love to rock out a pair of nice jeans, a shirt, and a sport coat but I am sure that is not accepted. —Adam
A: Katherine Heigl is going to be there, right? So may we suggest a blue-grey suit along with a traditional Kazakh wedding bag to be placed over her head (who cares if she was recently
married)? But seriously, jeans + shirt + blazer is a tad overdone and common. Instead, try rocking out in Varvatos that's currently on sale, like this.
Q: Hats. Can you please weigh in on hats? A winter necessity. I have various wool hats that I wear only when maintaining the driveway, but my now 40 year old skin breaks out (not so magnificently) when I sweat in them. I also have a black Russian lambswool with silk lining, but that's dressy. —Bryan
A: First, please consider hiring a service to "maintain" your driveway. There is nothing quite as MB as sitting by the fire late on a snowy night, sipping your favorite cocktail, and listening to the sound of illegal immigrants shoveling your sidewalk and plowing your driveway.
Second, we hear you loud and clear on wool hats. Unless they're lined or felted, avoid them like you do your mother-in-law over the holidays. Either go with shaved beaver or our favorite winter material: cashmere. A few other hat rules to live by:
1. No logos. 2. No skulls, money bags, or woodland creatures. 3. No legibility. 4. No acrylic.
Q: MB, I need you to recommend gift ideas for the boss under $50. Please! —Rob
A: We're going to assume your boss is a dude, OK? (Duh!) Thanks for the question, and the following five things will get him a.) educated, b.) drunk, c.) entertained, d.) caffeinated, e.) saving the planet.
TerraPass
Road Offset $49.95 Carbon offset for his wheels. Get your boss a gift and help save polar bears and other Arctic Circle dwellers. Everybody wins.
Q: I love your site and the witty comments when answering a mail. I know that you endorse white shirts and have proclaimed it the "ultimate MB essential," but I would be curious to have your insight on black shirts. I just bought a magnificent black shirt (Jones New York) that perfectly fits my charcoal Fendi suit as well as another black suit I have. Of course, I haven't found a matching tie yet so I wear it on those not-so-formal occasions when a tie is not required. I like the fact that it is original and I am usually the only one wearing a black shirt! So, are black shirts MB-ish (albeit at a higher degree of difficulty, I reckon) or is it just wannabe material? —Johnny
A: We can tell you're as excited about the rebirth of Menudo as we are, but isn't this taking it a little too far? Black shirts cannot be written off entirely -- George Clooney can be seen wearing them on occasion -- but we just can't get behind them with much enthusiasm. They seem far more appropriate if you're a "latin pop" star like Ricky Martin (left), Enrique Iglesias (center), or Marc Anthony (right). Better to be livin' la vida loca dressed in something else.
Costume National Homme Suit via YOOX. $498.00.Q: Where can I get a suit for a reasonable price? And what would the MB consider a reasonable price? —Casey
A: In their November 2007 issue GQ said you needed $1,000 to get into a good suit. MB sees GQ's $1,000 and lowers it $500. Finding nice, inexpensive suits is fairly easy because they're always on sale, and especially now that fall is beginning to get closed out (see our retailer links on our home page). For example, our favorite retailer YOOX just slashed prices on fall, allowing thrifty and stylish MBs to acquire this Costume National Homme (currently our favorite designer) suit for just $498.
Q: I'm a 47-year-old teacher/writer who wants to become more magnificent, but doesn't want to try to look half his age (toolbag in my book). I need a serious (and budget appropriate) basic guide to starting and building a wardrobe. Have you posted anything like that in the past, or would you consider writing a feature on the topic? —Robert
A: Robert, we're making writing that feature one of our New Year Resolutions. While you wait, hit the treadmill and get in the best shape possible. Don't add 10 pounds over the holidays, subtract 'em. It makes it a lot easier to be an MB when you don't look like Orson Welles. Stay tuned.
Q: Dear MB: I have made the undies switch from cotton boxers to low cut boxer briefs (which i will refer to as "boy shorts"). I know the ladies and my balls love it but was this the right move? —Graham
A: We can't vouch for your ladies, but are you sure your balls love 'em? Now it's like they're strapped into a seatbelt, and you're only driving on the conveyor belt in a carwash. Regardless, your question prompted us to do one of our favorite things: create a pseudo-scientific chart. We've concluded there is a direct correlation between underwear style value and testicle constriction:
Q: Dear MB: I like to think of myself as an MB in training and the one thing that I want for Christmas is a new coat. Preferably one as MB-like as possible.
Does this Three Quarter Coat from Banana qualify? Or should I go the moleskin route? I need your guidance! —Chauncy
A: Well, given the two choices, go with the wool/cashmere option. The moleskin version looks like something ol' granddad would wear (if he were still alive). Chauncy, we gotta tell ya: on a lark we ordered a couple of coats from Banana this season and were appalled by both the quality and the completely un-MB-like fit. Use Banana only for the basics, like this wonderful pair of cashmere socks.
Q: Hey MB, I was at a cocktail party the other night sporting a very nice double-breasted suit. I was enjoying myself, when, out of nowhere, a stock broker crashed my group. Soon after he commented on my style - in a negative manner! According to him, double-breasted is out. Have I lost my magnificence? I think DB suits can still be very cool! —Matty
A: He might've been wrong about buying Lucent at $80, but the broker is right about double-breasted suits. They feel affected, overly dressy, and just generally TTH (Trying Too Hard).
Let's look to film for evidence. In the 1999 classic American Beauty, Brad Dupree was the prick "efficiency expert" and they dressed him up with a bad name, a bad haircut, bad pocket square, and guess what else: a double-breasted suit.
Q: Dear Magnificent Bastard: My husband has requested a pair of "cool" casual shoes for Christmas. In the past he has worn Campers but I am wondering if they are
post-peak. Any thoughts, suggestions? —Amy
A: Camper has become basic, so don't worry about them going post-peak. (We love 'em, incidentally.) If you want to turn the style
dial a click or two to the right, and have him wear something a bit more anonymous, try out a pair of Ballys (top) or Sabelts (bottom). Bally just oozes cool, and Sabelt has a
pedigree in Formula One footwear. Let us know how he deals with a shift from Camper. They can be a hard habit to break.
Q: Where'd you get that header picture with the girl and the string of lights? —Taylor
A: We shot this near our office after hours, using our resident photographer and willing (and clearly able) staff members as models.
Which has us thinking: If you (or anyone you know) has any interest in posing for the Magnificent Bastard header shot, to be admired (and likely ogled) by thousands, be sure to drop us a line. Let magnificentbastard.com be your modeling launchpad. Blastoff! (We're 100% serious.)
Q: As a responsible citizen, I want to know how I can do my part to put a stop to a blemish on our society. How can I help put a stop to the way-past-due trend of women wearing Ugg boots? It was one thing 3yrs ago, but now it's down-right objectionable. Don't we as patrons of MBness have an obligation to right the ladies in our lives of this horror? —Mark
A: Right on, Mark. Ugg? Ugh! Unfortunately in some places (LA in particular) Uggs have crossed over into basics, which is bullshit given their meteoric rise. Anything going up that high, that fast needs to crash and burn, with no survivors. (See zubaz.)
Anyhow, it's probably a little extreme to throw paint or tomatoes at them like those PETA freaks toss at fur, so perhaps gently recommend they get with it and upgrade to anything apres ski from Tecnica, like this
furry moon boot.
Q: I am getting to the age (35) where I am feeling like I am tweener. Not quite old enough to pull off sophisticated but not young enough to pull of Superbad. So here is my question, while out on the town I would like to know what kind of drink the MB orders. Beer seems so "run to the bathroom every 5 minutes" and anything with fruit seems way too girlish. What is the quintessential MB drink for the evening? —PJ
A: Beer is never really a horrible choice, but is a little college-boy, like you should have your baseball cap on backwards and wearing a Dave Matthews Band concert tee. For God's sake man, no.
Excellent instincts on the fruit. Definitely for the girls, though acceptable for an MB in an ironic gesture, like in a Brandy Old Fashioned.
Now that we're knee-deep into brown liquor season, we're heavily consuming Rob Roys. Not the traditional version with the sweet vermouth and cherry (remember the fruit rule), but the dry version served on rocks and garnished with a few sour cocktail onions. If the barkeep knows how to make one, try on a couple of these and even if you may not actually be fully MB, you will certainly look, and most importantly feel like one.
Q: What's a guy to do when his taste runs to magnificence (Barney's, etc.) but his wallet is keyed more to the Gap? —Andrew
A: Simple one, Andrew: Get a bigger wallet.
But seriously, the less bread you gots, the harder you gots to work to discover magnificence. Use the "sale" links on the right-hand side of our home page, and regularly. Every season great values are to be had, and it's actually fun as shit to find that great-looking deal. It's the thrill of the hunt, like you're big-game hunting on the African cape.
Q: Where does Brooks Brothers fall in the spectrum of Magnificent clothing? Staunchy? Chic? Taken in moderation? — Eric
A: Eric, you forgot "frumpy."
You'll notice the retailer links on our home page, and there's a reason why Brooks Brothers is missing. Their target market is either dead, hospitalized and on a life support system, or a commentator on ABC's This Week.
Hats off to them for trying to make their brand relevant with "Black Fleece," designed with inspiration by short-pant lovin' Thom Browne, but the prices are insanely inflated. If you're hooked on the classics, look for them with a nod to living in the 21st century, like Bastian, Opening Ceremony, Varvatos, Hickey, Costume National, selected D&G, Prada, and many more.
Rock & Republic Floyd in Iron Blue via Rock & Republic. $242.00.Q: I'm 50, in great shape, confident, straight, single and I like to wear designer denim, typically bootcut and not overstressed or treated, usually a nice pair of AGs, PPD, Levis, and for Friday nights, my favorite Rock & Republics. I have the waist and the torso to wear them semi-low cut (not too much), and want to ask the forum - is it acceptable that a man in his 50's wear these type of jeans. I feel great in them all be it some are tight in the thighs, I think most women (those on the prowl) like them and I feel sexy when I wear them. So, guys, tell me...what do you think and by the way, what do you wear? Oh yes, I can suit up also and do Mon-Fri. —Rick
A: Rick, we've covered this before, and you're not too far off. We recommend ditching the R&Rs and sticking with the AGs, even on Friday nights.
Q: Today on coolhunting.com I saw a post for a unisex iPod holder from YMYL and was wondering if this was Magnificent Bastard-worthy. Thanks MB. —Ben
A: Cool Hunting, you say? No kidding. In this case, "cool" gets shot in the abdomen and is in critical condition. Ben, this is a solution looking for a problem. If you're wearing a blazer, you'd just stick the iPod into an inside pocket. Sans blazer, you really going to wear a leather holster to carry an MP3 player? Thought so. Anyhow, thanks for the question, because it's helped us define a new Magnificent Bastard style rule: If you're wearing a holster, it'd better be for holding a weapon.
California Fleece Slim Fit Pant via American Apparel. $36.00.Q: What do MB's wear to bed? Trying to spiff up someone I know away from some of the current "outfits" of ratty sweatshirts and the same plaid pajama pants. Thoughts??? —Jennifer
A: Style never sleeps, baby! This is why we recommend you buy your man a pair of these American Apparel California fleece slim-fit pants. Comfy as hell for sleeping -- especially now that it's chilly -- and suitable to run out for coffee and a paper, with two pockets to store the change. Rated 4 1/2 stars by American Apparel users, with one female user summing it up nicely: "Would cuddle with any boy in these!"
Today's question: the play is sending me this weekend's picks from Victoria Secret – (Pink Satin Baby Dolls) and inquiring on my style of undergarments. Help! Don't want to get into the boxer / brief debate and there is no way I'll be caught in anything that looks like a Speedo, but need official MB guidance – what about silk boxers? The activities of this weekend could be in jeopardy if I'm not wearing the correct uniform for the game. —Tom
A: Tom, if we can take any credit in getting you some action, well, it's perhaps the highest form of praise. Now regarding your underwear selection, let's be clear about what's happening here: The "play" is sending you links to Victoria's Secret Pink Satin Baby Dolls. It doesn't matter whether you're in boxers, briefs, a g-string, or even this Cavalli leopard print, she's into you and you cannot possibly fuck it up.
Eugenia Kim Beaver Fedora via Barney's Co-Op. $315.00.Q: Is there ever good time to wear the collars of your shirt outside of the lapels of your jacket? Also, fedoras are coming back. What does the MB think of that? And ... can a hat ever be worn by an MB at the dinner table of a restaurant? —Jason
A: First, save the shirt-outside-the-lapels look for next year's Halloween party, or maybe a dead talk show host look-alike contest. Second, fedoras are never good at the dinner table, but they are very good the rest of the time, especially this Eugenia Kim shaved beaver model, available at Barney's Co-Op.
Best to run ahead of the curve before Indiana Jones 4 is in theaters next year.
Juicy Couture Velvet Blazer via Neiman Marcus. $350.00.Q: OK, I'm confused...I've been looking to your site for months to guide me to becoming a magnificent bastard. Recently you said velvet blazers are a trend that's run its course. To my dismay, a magazine I consider on the forefront of men's style (Details) says the velvet blazer is a fall/winter essential. —Akeel
A: Part of being a Magnificent Bastard is thinking for yourself, and here's a good opportunity. But before you decide, consider this: each month the writers at Details have to crank out a certain amount of words to fill up the magazine. On the other hand, magnificentbastard.com posts only when we've got something to say, even if it's a fantastical story about a French president's flag pin. Not to mention, it's a well known fact that Dan Peres, editor of Details, has been taking payouts from the VBIA (Velvet Blazer Industry Association) since he took the job.
Q: I want to express my concern regarding the use of neo-cowboy belt buckles, more specifically the D&G logo belt buckle worn prominently by quasi-fashionistas with a suit, as shown in this office group photograph. In my opinion, this trend is Miami meets Monterey - you get the picture? Magnificent Bastard-worthy or not? —Cam
A: It's generous to refer to this buckle as "neo-cowboy," and perhaps even more charitable to describe it as "Miami meets Monterey;" it's more just plain old "Miami." We're just not that down with logos, especially on something as prominent as a belt buckle. Unless your office-mate has a sponsorship deal with Dolce & Gabbana, this is definitely not Magnificent Bastard-worthy.
Q: A woman in my office who normally dresses quite nicely was wearing a holiday sweater today.
And so, I have several questions:
1.) Would a Magnificent Bastard be caught dead dating a holiday sweater-wearing woman?
A: Remember that old Star Trek episode -- appropriately called "The Man Trap" -- where Bones thought he was in lust with a vaguely hot older woman named Nancy, but it turned out "she" was actually a homicidal, hideous shape-shifting Salt Creature from the planet M113? You catching our drift here, doc?
2.) Which is uglier? The Halloween sweater or the Christmas sweater?
A: After 12 rounds, our 3-judge staff rules this a split decision.
3.) What is the male equivalent to holiday sweater? The thing that should be avoided at all costs.
A: That's an easy one: the Tazmanian Devil Halloween tie. ($15).
Q: I saw this photo from a cat show on Yahoo News and thought the feline in question looked fantastic. I think a crocheted beanie would really bring out the regal nature of my Cornish Rex too, but my girlfriend says it's mean to dress a neutered animal like a pimp. What do you say? —Steve
A: Let's see ... crocheted beanies, testicle removal, cats, and potentially listening to a girlfriend's advice ... you sure you're at the right web site? Anyhow, our cat-lovin' nizzle, forget the pimp comparison and focus on the rap mogul comparison. If crocheted beanies are good enough for a cool cat like Snoop Dogg, they be good enough for your Cornish Rex.
Q: Any pointers for bastard-worthy Halloween costumes? And I don't necessarily mean best-in-show stuff here, just a good (and basically last minute) get up. In case it matters, the party is at a country club. —Ben
A: Ben, if it's at a country club, we recommend going as any character from Caddyshack: Ty Webb, Al Czervik, Carl Spackler, or Spaulding Smails will do nicely. Just make sure your date goes as Lacey Underall (if she doesn't have that Fila outfit, at least have her go braless please).
For everybody else out there, your question has given us an opportunity to do one of our favorite things: create a pseudo-scientific chart.
Q: A couple weeks back, I got a Blackwater Security polo shirt from a friend of my sister's. It's black with the "bear paw in a crosshairs" logo and the words "Blackwater" on the left breast. I was wearing it ironically for a while, but now, with the congressional hearings and such, I'm not sure if I should be seen in public with it. What's your take? —BJ
A: Great question. It led us to create the following "Magnificent Bastard Ironic Value Chart." At this point you're better off wearing an O.J. Simpson jersey. May we suggest selling it on ebay and donating the proceeds to the Red Cross?
Q: I have been searching every day for the same glasses Jamie Foxx had on in The Kingdom if you find out from the designer would you let us know please. thank you. —Kevin
Q: What's your view on popping your collar? More specifically with polo shirts? Is it ever alright or is it a bad idea? Thanks MB. — Tom
A: Well Tom, your question is answered simply by observing Phil Mickelson's career.
Top: In 1991, as a 20 year-old amateur with a popped polo shirt collar, Phil Mickelson won the Tucson Open and had to don that ridiculous conquistador's golden helmet.
Bottom: 13 years later, with an un-popped polo shirt collar (not to mention flat front pants), Phil Mickelson wins The Masters and slips into a green jacket.
Q: I totally agree with your sentiments towards barbed-wire tattoos. However, a MB with a slightly masochistic side may be faced with a dilemma... can a tattoo be part of the MB look, and if so what is acceptable? I personally believe that subtle is best if anything.... thoughts?
A: Even if you're a bastard, why would you want to tarnish your magnificent skin, the one you care for so deeply with sunscreen, Khiels Oatmeal Cleanser, Lab Rescue Body Sculpting Gel, microdermabrasion, botox injec— uh, anyhow, why would you let some dirty ink jockey who is most certainly not an MB cheapen your brand? Besides, more than 20% of people who get a tattoo regret it. The other 80% are Hell's Angels. Either way, don't become a statistic. At least if you somehow end up wearing a barbed-wire sweater, you can take it off, give it to Goodwill, and be as clean as the day you were born.
In order to fulfill your masochistic needs, read anything by Thomas Friedman, or watch the CBS Evening News.
Skulls from Mark Shale; Bacon and Eggs from Barney'sQ: Assuming french cuffs are ok in your book, what kind of cuff links would you recommend? And which online store would be a good place to buy them? —Prakash
A: French cuffs are way OK, primarily because an MB can discreetly strut his sartorial stuff and personality with the right pair of cufflinks. What kind, you ask? This is a little like asking what kind of woman you should marry. Though we can safely rule out skulls and anything logoed, like you'd probably rule out any psycho chick or a geezer with 3 kids.
Thanks for asking about where to shop online, because that's about all we do. Always
check bluefly first for a bargain. If you're feeling flush and bold, don't miss Barney's. If you're still not finding your match, save your pennies and try these:
'Vegard' Sweater Vest via Ragdaddy. $56.00.Q: I have a couple of sweater vests. My wife says if I wear one-- I will lose my magnificent bastard title and will have to start a web site called, Dirty OLD bastard. She said I could ask the MB to break the tie. So what do you think? Sweater vests? Should they have been buried with Mr. Rogers or can I wear one?
— John
PS-- I found your web site after my favorite site, National Review Online linked to it. Please don't discuss politics. It's the only thing you and I don't agree on.
A: Well, Mr. Rogers (RIP) was a cardigan man, and that's a post for another day. Regarding sweater vests, the degree of difficulty is quite high, but your wife is going to have a hard time convincing us this Moods of Norway sweater vest isn't completely mental. So if they're stylish enough and you're feeling adventurous, we say wear 'em. With a crisp white shirt underneath and the sleeves rolled way up, to your biceps. Match this look with killer tortoise shell eyewear and before you know it you're the second coming of James Dean (in his intellectual phase).
About the politics thing, we promise to discuss it very little, and vote for the most stylish candidate. Or the one with the hottest wife.
Wool/Cashmere Pleated Pant via Mark Shale. $175.00.Q: Have pleated pants gone out of style? Are they better for hiding my fat belly or not? — Scott
A: Yes. Not.
Nothing personal, Scott, but where in the hell do people get the idea that pleats hide fat bellies? Pleats are extra material, puffing out in the wrong place, that actually make you look fatter than you actually are.
The only time we've ever seen successful pleat implementations is on short, slight, thin MBs trying to look a little bigger and older than the real thing.
Stick to flat-fronts, make sure they fit properly, and hit the damn treadmill.
Q: Now that fall is coming around, it's time to break out the blazers; but is the t-shirt/blazer combo still in vogue or has that ship sailed? —Sherwin
A: That ship has not only sailed, it was attacked by pirates, looted, burned, then sunk, and the crew was eaten alive by sharks.
Even though he throws like a goddamn girl, or perhaps a lousy cricketer, just look at how Hugh Grant oozes casual cool with this crisp white shirt (tucked in, of course) and an unbuttoned top button.
Q: My co-worker and I have been debating for the last few weeks on whether it's ok to wear one's sunglasses on top of one's head or not. He says its as un-cool and as fashionably retarded as both crocs and the phone-waist-belt thingy. I'm not so sure (because I occasionally wear my sunglasses over the top of my head) and sometimes find the utility of the over-the-noggin thing outweighs the geek factor. Perhaps you could settle this dispute once and for all. —SD
A: Our answer tangentially relates to a recent Ask the MB segment, where we said, "Never buy cowboy boots in Texas."
Wearing one's sunglasses on top of one's head is allowed only in the following three places:
1. Hawaii. 2. Southern California, south of 34 degrees North latitude. (Just south of LA.) 3. Miami Beach. Lincoln Road and all points south.
(And it's got to be sunny.)
Live anywhere else and you're buying your co-worker a drink.
Dan Post mignon boots in black via Dan Post Boot Shop. $159.95.Q: Is it okay for an MB to wear cowboy boots even though one is not a cowboy? I'm not talking hitting the streets in full western get-up (big belt buckle, bigger hat, hoe-down shirt, etc.), just a simple pair of Dan Post black, elk hide shit kickers with brown suede tips. Today I've paired them up with a pair of Levi's Silver Tab boot cut jeans (boots inside the jeans, not out) and a snug black t-shirt from gap. I'm 35, trim and in good shape. Am I really just trying to live out some western-type fantasy, or can I consider myself an MB? By the way, great web site!
—Phil
A: Yeeeehawwwww! We reckon' you've arrived, compadre. Even if it is some sort of western-type fantasy (and that's OK) it sounds like you've successfully pulled this off, and we rate the degree of difficulty an 8.1 on the MB 10-point scale. Well done, you elk hide-wearin' Magnificent Bastard.
Every other potential shit-kickin' MB out there take note: This is risky business with potentially very low reward, and there ain't many Phils out there. One of our core shopping principles comes from GQ's creative director Jim Moore: "Never buy cowboy boots in Texas." The MB corollary to that rule is the removal of the "in Texas" part.
Q: The rules of what constitutes cool in the jeans world is really too much for a man to keep track of. What cut? What wash? Dark? Plain? Bootcut? Stovepipe? Design on the pocket? Seven? Joes? Lucky? And then there is the question of age. Cool jeans should be different for the man of 38 than cool jeans for the man of 21. WTF? —David
A: Jeans are a lot like women. Some guys like blondes, some like brunettes, a few like redheads. Some like 'em skinny, some like a little meat on the bones. Some like big breasts, some like 'em a little smaller, some like 'em about the size of fully ripe Braeburn appl- ... anyhow, you get the idea. Point is, there are no hard-and-fast "cool" rules with regard to cut and wash (but always remember to play to your strengths).
About the second part of your question: Definitely nothing looks more ridiculous than a 40 year-old guy in a pair of Evisu jeans. Please consult the following age-jeans chart for guidance:
BeautifulnessQ: My husband would like to know where he can keep his cell phone, if the belt clip is for toolbags. (In his own words, "What do I do with my cell phone, stick it up my ass?")
—Ines
A: If he does decide to stick it up there, make sure he finishes all his calling first, and we'd also suggest setting vibrate to "off."
It might require your husband upgrading his, uh, device, but have him keep his phone in his front pocket, like we do. This is very doable with updated models like the Nokia N95, Pradaphone (pictured), and (sigh) the iphone. When seated, pull it out, set it on the table, and it becomes a conversation piece, acting essentially like a $600 coffee table book.
If he requires more of a "work phone," try the HTC Dash or the Blackberry Curve; they both slide nicely into the front pocket of even low-rise dress pants.
Whatever you do, steer away from the Treo. That antenna pokes around down there, in a bad way.
(Apologies if we haven't gotten to your question yet. There are a lot more questions than there's time to answer. We're doing the best we can.)
Your new item definitely gets points for being an actual human skull (rather than some chincy embroidery on a blazer). However, even though it's encrusted with diamonds, the fact remains it's a skull, and they're outgoing. Sorry. Always ask the MB before spending this kind of bread.
Q: I am wondering how you acquired the photo of the toolbag in the wild (Marlin Perkins Would Be Proud). I believe I can place the sighting and actually visited the establishment last evening. Even though I try not to look like a toolbag myself I am concerned I need to be extra careful since it appears establishments I frequent are being watched. —Concerned Citizen
A: Indeed, a MB staffer spotted this toolbag at Brit's Pub in downtown Minneapolis, and a few cell phone pics were surreptitiously snapped. Believe us when we say no one feels worse about this than we do. It's just that when wanton toolbaggery appears at one of our favorite hangouts (and a Minneapolis institution no less), that kind of naked aggression against style will not stand, man, and something needed to be done.
You've surely heard of the Edmund Burke quote: "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." It applies here.
Helmut Lang Suit via YOOX. $662.00.Q: My boyfriend is convinced that there is nothing wrong with wearing black leather shoes, a black belt, and a navy suit at the same time. I don't care how stodgy and corporate your job is...this is just unacceptable. Please, help me nip this in its mis-matched bud before its too late. —gabrielle
A: Hmmmm. Your boyfriend is actually doing it by the book, Gabrielle. You could eliminate the need for a belt by buying pants with a tabbed, hook-and-bar closure, but the black shoes with navy suit is about as "right" as it gets.
Our guess is your frustration lies in the style of your dude's dress-up duds, not the color. Rockports and double pleats can make any guy look like total ass. If he was wearing this navy Helmut Lang suit and these black Costume National shoes, we reckon you wouldn't be asking any questions of the MB; you'd be dating one.
Black Rubber Uniform Shirt via eXtreme Restraints. $100.00.Q: Oh Great MB: This weekend I am going to my first BDSM party. There is an expectation to dress in "fetish wear"... well, I am new to all this, and every porn I ever watched, the guys look like a gay men going to a night club. What can I wear that will be appropriate without challenging my heterosexuality? —Rick
A: You don't want to challenge your heterosexuality, eh? For a minute we were considering the full-body latex catsuit.
Naw. Only kidding. Are there any invites left? Kidding again! Seriously, take this BDSM party opportunity to not only stay in line with your heterosexuality, but to fully embrace your manhood. We're talkin' M - A - N here, Rick, because being a man fucking rocks! (Sorry, you're getting us all fired up.)
Back to your question: A lot of this "gay nightclub" stuff is actually pretty badass in our view. You wouldn't want to mess with that cop from Village People, would you? Thought so. Turn the testosterone dial to 11 and get into this black rubber uniform shirt paired with the black codpiece pants. If you don't have the pipes and tats and attitude and Johnson to pull that off, try a tight-fitting tank-top and a United States Marine Corps jock strap as Plan B.
Have fun, and don't forget to properly accessorize with a leather ball gag (for your submissive, of course).
Q: White jeans? Alright for a straight man to wear? If so, is there a specific time of the year they are acceptable? —Mike Stevens
A: Short answers: Yes. Of course. Not really.
We don't know where the notion that only gay men can wear white jeans came from, but we don't like it one bit. They're a required item in any Magnificent Bastard's closet. White jeans, a cool tee or polo, and non-plastic sandals or flip-flops ... that's winning no matter if MB prefers dudes or chicks.
Regarding timing, old school says Memorial Day to Labor Day. In this case, old school is wrong. It takes a certain degree of confidence and "I don't care what anyone thinks" mentality (MBs have both of these in spades), but even if you're not a rock-n-roller you can wear white jeans to a May Day parade and to the final regular season MLB baseball game. Check your favorite team's schedule.
Q: Looking for a stainless steel bracelet analog watch but don't want to spend a fortune. Any recs? —Jim
A: By "a fortune" we're assuming you mean anything over a couple of thousand bucks. That's too bad, because it rules out the Panerai Luminor GMT (left), a 100% badass watch and probably our all-time favorite. They can be had for around 6K on ebay. Some Magnificent Bastard staffers are considering organ donation as a funding source.
Not quite as cool but a significantly more affordable option is the Omega Seamaster Professional (center). This is the watch worn by James Bond as played by Pierce Brosnan ... wait, it gets better ... and James Bond as resurrected by Dan Craig in Casino Royale. Available at Amazon for $1595.
If you're not feeling that flush and still want a very nice watch, check out this Ollech & Wajs Kartago (right) for just $335 from Westcoastime. If the Katargo doesn't suit you, take a look at the other O&W options. We can speak from experience that O&W provides superb value, and Howard Marx at Westcoastime has the deals.
Broken-in pocket jersey polo via J. Crew. $39.50.Q: Why are shirts made for the fat f***ers of the world and not for slim build guys. Is it still ok, not to want to have baggy clothing that makes you look as if you have just been released from prison?
—Bystander
A: Let's be honest. Most of the shirt-wearing public are fat f***ckers. Have you seen the latest US obesity statistics? Brands are just making what people can wear without them looking like a stuffed sausage.
However, there are companies that understand not everyone looks like Dick Cheney. Just about anything from Urban Outfitters will do, as will the entire American Apparel collection. As much as we might hate to admit it, one of our favorite shirts over the past two years is the J.Crew broken-in jersey polo. It's well-made and versatile; and with its slim cut and short sleeves, doesn't leave a single bench press to waste.
Q: Remember when docksiders were cool? My husband wants to know if they still are. Some fashions can make it several decades, don't you think? — Nancy
A: Your husband is navigating some tricky waters here, ma'am. "Nautical" is (was) a trend for 2007, and retro can be a smashing success, but this footwear selection can go down as fast as the Titanic if made with the wrong pant and shirt pairings. Hard to starboard! Dockers® pleated khakis dead ahead!
Q: My lifestyle frequenlty involves boring holes in gently microwaved cantelopes. I then close my eyes, concentrate profoundly at the image of Nicole Ritchie's fumehole and furiously insert my wee wee into the the newly-created "orifice." Then, I finish the job. Is this so wrong - or is it merely a common practice almost universally practiced by all heterosexual males? Please advise. — David C.
A: First, a technique that involves hole-boring, microwaving, and grocery shopping probably qualifies as "MagBasturbation." Good on ya, mate. Second, although we may quibble with the choice of Nicole Ritchie as the object of your, uh, affection, the fact is, you're a man, and men have needs. We're all just squirrels trying to get a nut.
Soak the sugar cube with the bitters and place in the bottom of a highball glass. Mash with the back of a spoon (or muddler, which we hope has not been used to make a Mojito), add the rye whiskey and fill the glass with ice. Stir for about 30 seconds and then strain into another lowball glass that has been rinsed with Absinthe and filled about halfway with ice. Garnish with a lemon twist.
In our all-time favorite noir Body Heat, William Hurt rocks the look often during an especially severe Florida heat wave. (Although that was 1981, when the 
BLAZERS [3]
SWEATERS [2]
SHIRTS [4]
PANTS [3]
BELTS [1]
SHOES [2]
Outlier 
