Earth's Biggest Toolbag: Discovered
1. Dude squirted cologne on his face eight fucking times.
2. Wore a gold bow tie, pocket square, and cummerbund; rode to Metropolitan Opera in Lincoln limo. The vulgarity!
3. Actually attaches value to wife appearing in Style section of New York Times.
4. Crashes wife's Girls' Night Out. And wears poor-man's fu-manchu moustache. Dude!