Magnificent Bastard

Thursday, November 21, 2024



America's Drug Dealers Lacking Sense of Romance and Adventure

America's Drug Dealers Lacking Sense of Romance and Adventure
It makes perfect sense to us that novelty clothing retailer J. Peterman is selling 19th century Gallic drug paraphernalia — who better to cultivate as your customer base than coke dealers? They've got lots of disposable income, their tastes are extravagant, and yet they're typically stuck on the same shitty corner of West Baltimore day after day. (Every thing we know about coke dealing we learned from The Wire.) They might dream of exploring out-of-the-way tapas bars in Andalucia, but who's got the time? There's a recession on and people want their coke! So they do the next best thing and buy objects imbued with history, local color, the exoticism of faraway places — like cast iron counter scales made in France in the late 1800s. Right?

Maybe not. J. Peterman has a full complement of one-of-kind antique kilo scales for sale, all of them heavily discounted. Apparently our coke dealers are such Type A killjoys they don't even have time for adventure consumerism. Come on, drug dealers, live a little! Relax for five minutes and buy an authentic Italian Cinquecento scale. You deserve it!

POURCAST

BETA

Sazerac

  • 3 shots rye whiskey (or to taste)
  • 1 sugar cube
  • Peychaud's Bitters
  • quarter shot of Absinthe
  • lemon twist

Soak the sugar cube with the bitters and place in the bottom of a highball glass. Mash with the back of a spoon (or muddler, which we hope has not been used to make a Mojito), add the rye whiskey and fill the glass with ice. Stir for about 30 seconds and then strain into another lowball glass that has been rinsed with Absinthe and filled about halfway with ice. Garnish with a lemon twist.

In-Depth Sazerac Coverage:

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