Magnificent Bastard

Wednesday, April 16, 2025



America's Drug Dealers Lacking Sense of Romance and Adventure

America's Drug Dealers Lacking Sense of Romance and Adventure
It makes perfect sense to us that novelty clothing retailer J. Peterman is selling 19th century Gallic drug paraphernalia — who better to cultivate as your customer base than coke dealers? They've got lots of disposable income, their tastes are extravagant, and yet they're typically stuck on the same shitty corner of West Baltimore day after day. (Every thing we know about coke dealing we learned from The Wire.) They might dream of exploring out-of-the-way tapas bars in Andalucia, but who's got the time? There's a recession on and people want their coke! So they do the next best thing and buy objects imbued with history, local color, the exoticism of faraway places — like cast iron counter scales made in France in the late 1800s. Right?

Maybe not. J. Peterman has a full complement of one-of-kind antique kilo scales for sale, all of them heavily discounted. Apparently our coke dealers are such Type A killjoys they don't even have time for adventure consumerism. Come on, drug dealers, live a little! Relax for five minutes and buy an authentic Italian Cinquecento scale. You deserve it!

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  • 2 parts Germain-Robin Craft Method brandy
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  • 1 part fresh lemon juice

Lightly shake with ice, then pour into a ice-filled rocks glass. Based on your tastes, brandy choice, and strength of the lemon juice, you should adjust the Cointreau and lemon juice to find proper balance.

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