Magnificent Bastard

Friday, June 21, 2024



Holy Fucking Shit! Crocs Socks!

Holy Fucking Shit! Crocs Socks!

This site launched in July 2007 with a feature article definitively stating that wearing Crocs was one of the Top 10 Ways to Look Like a Total Toolbag. Our rationale was simple: don't don the same footwear as your 5 year-old nephew.

Naturally sales only grew, and then spiked during the coronavirus pandemic. 1.1 million Americans died. Millions more started wearing ugly plastic clogs.

In what's surely not a coincidence, at the peak of the pandemic Crocs released Crocs Socks, allowing fans to double down on their loss of dignity and taste. It was as nefarious as an intentional lab leak. It was as unimaginable as Zubaz selling shirts. Millions more Americans surely suffered.

Why are we breaking this news now, nearly two years after their release? Because we've only now seen them. Much like a supervirus, Crocs Socks have pierced our hermetically-sealed YOOX/ASOS/Uniqlo/Neiman Marcus shopping bubble. It's the equivalent of a Fox News viewer learning about a January 6th conviction. And we don't like it one bit.

But we're not all doom and gloom here at MB. There's hope for all of us. While a pair of classic Crocs will set you back an astonishing $87.00, this 3-pack of Crocs Socks is marked down 61%, to $17.16.

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  • 1 oz Plymouth gin
  • 1 oz Luxardo maraschino liqueur
  • 1 oz Green Chartreuse
  • 1 oz fresh lime juice

Combine over ice, stir for 30 seconds, then pour into a martini glass.


In-Depth Last Word Coverage:

The Glass is Always Greener: An MB Guide to St. Patrick's Day Cocktails

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