Jon Gosselin: Toolbag of the Millenium
| Death before dishonor. Dishonor before taste. |  |
| Totally about to kick the shit out of a car with his awesome business casual fighting skills. Or maybe doing the robot. |  |
| Apparently it hurts to wear this shirt almost as much as it hurts to look at it. |  |
| Flawless cigarette positioning completely destroyed by the fact that he's riding the world's only Oakley-branded lawnmower. |  |
| Toolbag Hold 'Em: I'll see your camo pants, and your beer gut, and your stupid hand gesture, and your lame backward Fred cap, and raise you a completely ridiculous bro-face! |  |
| Three-step plan to camouflage your bald spot: 1) Borrow Tommy Lee's belt. 2) Accessorize with Urkel's cell phone holster. 3) Go full frontal muffin top. |  |
| Using only the power of his mind, the Toolbag of the Millenium attempts to destroy the timeless style of the plain white tee. |  |
